Archive of Our Own ^beta

As soon as Akaashi gathers all of his things he hears a familiar voice ringing in his ears. A few of his classmates chuckle, used to hearing this same exact voice every day after class. "Kaashi!" Bokuto exclaims, leaning casually against the doorframe. "Ready for the next adventure?" He raises an eyebrow. "I believe you mean walking to our next class, Bokuto-san. Hardly an adventure."

Bokuto grins mischievously. "Oh, come on, Akaashi! Every moment spent with me is an adventure!" Rolling his eyes, Akaashi steps into the hallway, joining Bokuto as they navigate through the sea of students. “Is that supposed to be a good thing?” 

“People love adventures! Of course, it’s a good thing.” Akaashi can only sigh. “Sure.”

During lunch break, they find their usual spot under a large tree, the branches offering a comforting shade. The weather is getting warmer, more humid every day. Excited as always, Bokuto nearly chokes on his sandwich as he tries to eat as fast as possible. Akaashi cringes slightly as he watches. "You won't believe it! I found this new training drill. It's gonna make my spikes even more powerful!"

"And how many innocent balls are going to suffer in the process?"

Bokuto grins, undeterred. "Just a few sacrifices for the sake of improvement, Akaashi! You’re staying late today to practice with me, right?” 

“Eat first, Bokuto-san. You need the energy to play. And please, bite at least five times before you swallow the sandwich whole. That’s not good for you.” 

“Aw, Kaashi! Are you concerned about my health?” Akaashi sighs. 

After lunch, they head back inside with Bokuto walking Akaashi to his classes first. “Bokuto-san, you know I know where to go, right? I’ve been at this school for two years now. You don’t need to walk me every time.” 

He can’t even count on his fingers how many times he’s brought that up before. Every time he does, Bokuto merely smiles and ruffles through his hair. “I know. I simply want to.” Akaashi doesn’t know how he feels about that. 

Hours later, the locker room in the gym is filled with the excited chatter of their teammates, the sound of sneakers squeaking against the polished floor.

As they change into their practice uniforms, Bokuto grins once again. "Hey, Kaashi, do you think I look cooler than usual today? Because I feel way cooler!"

Akaashi contemplates a moment if he should even bother to reply.  "Well, at least your energy levels are off the charts, but you’re like that every day.” Bokuto feigns offense, his eyes widening dramatically. "Hey now, Akaashi! I'll have you know that my energy is a gift that keeps everyone entertained!"

Yamato chuckles and places a hand on Bokuto’s shoulder. “Why don’t you warm up already, Bokuto? And then show us how you feel on the court."

The team gathers in a circle, stretching and preparing for the intense practice ahead. Akaashi and Bokuto stand side by side, their movements in sync as they follow the warm-up routine.

Bokuto leans in, suddenly all up in Akaashi’s space. "You look good today, Kaashi. Did you do something different with your hair?” And before he knows it, there’s a hand in his hair. “You smell good, too.”

Akaashi stiffens slightly. “Stop bothering our setter, Bokuto!” Konoha hisses at the captain. “I’m not bothering him!” Bokuto grumbles in response but he lets go of Akaashi, merely giving him a bright smile. 

As practice commences, the team splits into two groups, and Akaashi and Bokuto find themselves on the same side once more. He feels good today, somewhat light on his feet. During a brief timeout, Bokuto approaches the net where Akaashi stands. He smiles, no sign of an emo phase, sweat dripping down his forehead. "Your sets are amazing today! You make me look even more incredible!"

He’s got to give it to Bokuto. He always manages to coax a smile out of him. "You're doing just fine on your own, Bokuto-san. But thanks for the compliment."

The practice match continues, their teammates cheering them on from the sidelines. The team with Bokuto and Akaashi wins and Bokuto gives everyone high fives, his spirit still high despite the exhaustion. 

When he’s done going around and bragging to everyone about how good his spikes were today and how many girls are going to watch him at the upcoming tournament, Bokuto claps a hand on Akaashi's shoulder, seemingly appearing out of nowhere. "Great game, Akaashi! We're an unstoppable duo, don't you think?"

Akaashi flinches a little. "Not unstoppable, but we’re decent, yeah.” 

“Have a nice evening, guys! Don’t stay too long,” Konoha yells at them from outside, Yamato and Komi waving at them. “We won’t! See you tomorrow.” 

With the rest of the team dispersing, Akaashi and Bokuto find themselves on their own, the court bathed in the soft glow of the overhead lights. Akaashi continues setting the ball to Bokuto, each pass delivered with precision and grace.

Bokuto hits every single one of them with such high enthusiasm, Akaashi briefly worries if there are dents on the gym floor tomorrow. "Akaashi, you're seriously the best setter! It's like you can read my mind."

Akaashi snorts at that. "It's not mind-reading, Bokuto. It's just understanding your tendencies and adjusting accordingly."

Bokuto winks, a playful glint in his eyes. "Well, whatever, our connection goes beyond just the volleyball court, Kaashi. You can’t deny that!" Akaashi's heart skips a beat at that, caught off guard by Bokuto's remark. "We're a good team, Bokuto. That's what counts." He tries to brush it off.

As they continue, the conversation shifts to lighter topics. Bokuto talks animatedly about the new anime series that was released last week, how rude one of his teachers was, how he got another confession and didn’t know what to say to the girl, how he wants to defeat everyone in volleyball, and so on. Akaashi thinks there must be a time when he runs out of things to say. Apparently, not yet. 

As the evening wears on, they gradually wind down their practice, the exhaustion of the day finally catching up to them. Bokuto grins, his voice filled with genuine joy. "Akaashi, thanks for staying late with me. I always have the most fun when we're together.

Akaashi's eyes meet Bokuto's and his heart flutters slightly. It still does. Akaashi thought he’d got it under control. 

Moments later, when they walk out of the gymnasium, it’s already dark outside. The only source of light is the moon and the occasional street lamps as they walk home. Akaashi's eyes occasionally steal glances at Bokuto, admiring the way his hair falls naturally, without any gel, untamed and free like always after the boy takes a shower, framing his face in a way that feels somewhat captivating.

Lost in his thoughts, Akaashi is snapped back to reality when he feels Bokuto's jacket being draped around his shoulders. He looks up, surprised by the sudden gesture. “You seemed a bit chilly," Bokuto mumbles. “I thought this might help. Wouldn’t want you to get sick.” Akaashi feels his breath catch in his throat. "Thank you, Bokuto-san," he replies eventually. Bokuto simply shrugs and gives him another bright smile. 

Akaashi loves and hates it at the same time.

Bokuto seems off today. His energetic movements slow down, and a frown forms on his forehead. He raises a hand to his temple more often than not and chugs on his water bottle, desperate to nurse the pounding ache in his skull. 

Akaash’s noticed the shift in Bokuto's demeanor right after lunch, keeping quiet until Bokuto’s steps falter and the ace stumbles. "Bokuto-san, you should sit out for a moment.” He presses a hand against his forehead. “You’re not burning up. Did you drink enough?” 

“I’m fine. Just a little headache.” Bokuto forces a smile. That’s not nearly enough to convince him. "You’re pale. You haven’t been sleeping very well, hm? Sit out and rest for a moment. If you’re feeling better, you can join us for the last game.” 

Bokuto opens his mouth trying to protest, but then backs down. “Yeah, I’ll go do that. Thanks, Kaashi.” He drags himself over to the bench, the frown back on his face — his usual expression whenever he’s not feeling well. 

Akaashi furrows his brows, going through today’s events in his head in the hopes of finding an answer to the sudden change in his best friend’s well-being. He continues practice, though his sets are a little halfhearted. He’s having a difficult time focusing when Bokuto looks so unwell and somehow so small sitting on the bench. 

Their ace doesn’t join practice again. 

The coach tells them about the training camp with Nekoma at the end of practice and Akaashi’s focus shifts to Bokuto again. He looks unsteady on his feet, keeping his head lowered. Akaashi tugs at his jacket a little to pull him closer when it happens. Bokuto’s legs give out. He only manages to prevent Bokuto from hitting his head on the floor, the weight of his teammate forcing him to the gym floor as well. 

"Bokuto-san! Can you hear me?" His voice trembles with worry as he gently lowers Bokuto’s head to the floor with his jacket underneath. Bokuto's eyelids flutter, and he groans softly. His body feels heavy and limp in Akaashi's arms, sending chills of fear down his spine.

Carefully, Akaashi brushes Bokuto's hair from his eyes, his usual spiky hair mat with sweat and asks Yamato to get him some water. The coach is crouching down beside him, telling everyone else to go shower and change. The voices around him distort. Akaashi can only really stare at Bokuto, calling out his name softly. "Koutarou, can you hear me? Can you open your eyes for me?"

The realization starts to settle within Akaashi's heart at that very moment —the depth of his concern for Bokuto goes beyond that of a friend. He can’t deny it any longer. He doesn’t see Bokuto as a friend. He wishes they were more. 

A whimper. “It’s alright, Kou. I’m right here.” Akaashi scrambles closer, intertwining their hands. 

He yearns to hold him closer, to press his lips against Bokuto's forehead and ease away the pain, to shower him with the affection that has been building within his heart for far too long. 

Fuck. He really can’t deny it any longer.

Finally, Bokuto's eyes flicker open, his gaze unfocused. He blinks several times, eyes all soft and vulnerable as they look up at Akaashi.  "K-Kaashi? Where…where am I?"

Akaashi sighs in relief, his hand lingering on Bokuto’s chest. "You fainted. Just take it easy for a moment." Bokuto's brow furrows as he looks around, then smiles stupidly. "Sorry about that. Thanks for catching me, though, you’re the best Kaashi."

“This is not a time for jokes. You really scared me, Koutarou.” 

“Koutarou? Please say my name more often, Kaashi! I really like how it sounds.” 

Akaashi hates the way his heart flutters at that.  

“You’re an idiot, Boktuo-san.”

“What? No! Go back—” 

A few weeks later Akaashi’s confronted with his feelings once more. He’s absentmindedly stirring in his coffee, lost in thoughts when someone sits in front of him. "Well, well, well, if it isn’t the setter from Fukurōdani,” the person says and Akaashi startles slightly. He looks up, recognizing the person almost instantly.

Oikawa Tooru.

Surprise flickers across his face. "Oikawa-san, hello." Oikawa leans against the counter, eyes gleaming with curiosity. "I heard the super duo is close by. Naturally, I had to come see for myself. Akaashi-kun, right?" Akaashi chuckles politely and nods, looking around in search of Bokuto. 

“You’re way more handsome in person than I imagined, Akaashi-kun. I don’t think we’ve met properly before, have we?” 

Bokuto told him about the great setter when he attended the national junior training camp last year and how amazing his sets are before emphasizing that Akaashi’s are still way better. He remembers Bokuto grinning from ear to ear telling him that, remembers the warm feeling in his chest. 

"I’m flattered, Oikawa-san. I believe it’s our first time meeting, yes. Bokuto’s talked about you." Akaashi says, his gaze fixed on his cup, his fingers tracing the rim. Bokuto’s surely taking a long time in the restroom. 

Oikawa, always charismatic, leans forward with a friendly smile. "Ah, has he? Only good things, I hope?” Akaashi nods, his eyes meeting Oikawa's briefly before glancing away. "Certainly. He’s spoken highly of your sets. Your dedication to the sport is truly admirable. I've always admired your precision and finesse on the court."

A flicker of pride shines in Oikawa's eyes. "I like to hear that. Bokuto’s talked about you as well. He’s told me your sets were the best, even in comparison with mine. You seem to have an incredible understanding of the game. Unfortunately, I haven’t had the chance to see you two in action yet."

Akaashi offers a modest smile in response. He feels a little embarrassed when he thinks about Bokuto praising him in front of everyone. 

“Bokuto never shies away from giving praise,” he mumbles. Oikawa chuckles. “He really doesn’t. I wish Iwa-chan would praise me like that. I’m sure it’s gotta feel amazing. He wouldn’t stop talking about you. Your sets weren’t the only thing he mentioned.” 

The conversation treads carefully, the air tinged with an underlying tension that neither of them has addressed so far. 

Oikawa's eyes flicker with something and he leans a bit closer. "You know, Akaashi, you’re blushing. Are you and Bokuto a couple?”

Akaashi's eyebrows shoot up in surprise, caught off guard by Oikawa's directness and horrified by his words. He brings a hand up to his cheek, heart pounding. “I apologize for being blunt. I’m nosy. You don’t have to answer, of course.”

Still slightly taken aback, he takes a sip from his coffee. "We…We’re not." Oikawa looks surprised at that. “Ah, really? But you’re a thing, right? You’re obviously in love with him.” 

Akaashi chokes, nearly spitting out his coffee. What?

“I’m sorry!” Oikawa exclaims, stuffing a tissue into his hand. “You okay?” Akaashi keeps his hand close to his mouth, a bit too humiliated to speak up and nods slowly. 

Fuck. I’m so fucked.

Before either of them can say something again, Akaashi’s pulled back and two arms wrap around his shoulders. “You wouldn’t be bothering my setter, would you?” Oikawa chuckles at the hostility in Bokuto’s voice. “Of course not, Bo-chan. I did sit down on your seat, though. You don’t mind, do you?” 

Why does he know? Is he obvious? Fuck.

Bokuto releases Akaashi from his hold, sitting down next to his teammate. “You alright?” Akaashi nods numbly. Did he hear anything? 

“What are you doing here? Trying to spy on our tactics?” No matter how hard he tries to hide it with a smile, Bokuto’s tense stance speaks volumes. Oikawa is not welcome. Akaashi briefly wonders if something happened between them. Again, the setter across the table laughs. “No, of course not, I’m just trying to see what caused all the girls to drive away from me. I’m sure it’s mostly Akaashi’s fault. You’ve got yourself a pretty setter there, Bo-chan.”

Akaashi says nothing when Oikawa winks at him, too focused on Bokuto squirming beside him. “We’ll be gone in the evening, Oikawa-san.” He finally finds his voice again. “Ah, what a pity. I would’ve liked to see you play.” Bokuto scoffs. "We've been working hard. Are you sure you would’ve wanted to be defeated at your school? In front of your fans?" Oikawa's smile widens, recognizing the underlying challenge. "Ah, so competitive. Well, it’s not like I’d expect anything different from an ace."

"Oi, Trashykawa! What the hell do you think you’re doing?" Akaashi and Bokuto turn their heads to see Iwaizumi Hajime striding towards them, his gaze fixed on Oikawa. “Iwa-chan! I was just having a friendly chat with these two.”

Iwaizumi smacks the back of Oikawa’s head lightly. "Why did you leave without saying anything?" Oikawa chuckles, his charm oozing from every pore. “I just wanted to—” Iwaizumi rolls his eyes. "Uh-huh, sure. How many times did I tell you to not run off on your own?” With a sigh, the ace of Aoba Johsai turns to Akaashi and Bokuto. “I apologize if he said something stupid. I swear I only looked away for one second.” 

“Don’t apologize for me! So mean, Iwa-chan.” A glare from the said boy shuts him up quickly. “Well, it looks like this means goodbye. I can’t let my Iwa-chan wait any longer, can I?” Oikawa gently takes Iwaizumi’s arm and waves at them as he’s dragged outside. 

As soon as Oikawa’s gone, Bokuto can't help but feel a twinge of protectiveness surge within him. He turns to Akaashi, his tone tinged with concern. “Did Oikawa bother you? Did he force you into making conversation with him?"

Akaashi feels anxiety thrumming in his veins. He didn’t think Bokuto would ask him about it. He wonders how long he watched them before intervening. "Kaashi? You okay?” Bokuto's expression softens in concern. He reaches out and places a hand on Akaashi's arm. “No, no he didn’t bother me. It was simply small talk.” Bokuto tilts his head to the side. “Did he intimidate you?” 

“No, no.” Akaashi still feels numb as he talks. “He, uh, he was somewhat nosy.” Bokuto cringes at that. “That he is.” 

“Let’s just go back, Bokuto-san.” 

Something changed that day. 

Akaashi doesn’t know if it was the fact that he finally admitted it to himself or if it was the possibility that other people — or at least Oikawa Tooru — see them as more than just friends. The possibility that people see his true feelings. 

Ever since it’s gotten increasingly harder for Akaashi to keep his feelings for Bokuto to himself. There’s a pressure on his chest, a certain heaviness in his heart when he wakes up in the morning, there’s sudden anxiety buzzing through his body when someone remotely mentions people that aren’t straight and he’s been deleting his browser history, too afraid to even type or even to just think about his sexuality. 

The possibility of Akaashi’s affection towards his best friend being more than just friendship has been hidden, locked away in his mind for a long time. It’s something that rarely scratched the surface, something he’s always kept hidden, something he’s kept denying. When it did come to light then only for a fleeting moment - so brief he brushed it off almost immediately. 

Now, with another human voicing his thoughts on their relationship, it’s broken free. And it doesn’t leave him alone. Not for one second. 

Bokuto telling him about his encounters with girls and asking him for advice makes him physically sick now. His smile wavers every time Bokuto talks about a confession he received and a date he went on because he hates to say no and hurt people, sticking to his motto which is always to get to know someone before rejecting them. He might find his soulmate this way, he’d said a few years ago. 

A few weeks ago it was disinterest, now it’s jealousy surging through him when a girl picks him up from practice or when one of his teammates clings to Bokuto. He wishes he could erase the knowledge that he’s been jealous all this time. His gaze lingers on Bokuto longer than it should during practice, his attention focused solely on the ace of their team. Akaashi wishes he could pretend it’s nothing. 

One day, another girl comes to pick up Bokuto. She’s pretty and has a nice figure, wearing her dark hair in a long braid. If he recalls correctly she’s helping him with math. As if Akaashi hasn’t been helping him since his first year. 

When they walk away, he wonders if she’s the kind of girl Bokuto would go out with. The kind of girl he’d eventually end up with. 

It hurts. He shakes it off, reminding himself that he has no right to feel that way.

His thoughts spiral on the way home. He recalls the countless times Bokuto's constant positivity lifted his spirits, like a ray of sunshine breaking through the clouds. It’s one of his favorite things about Bokuto. His spirit. His carefree nature. As much as he teases the older boy he thinks he’d perish if he’d never see Bokuto’s smile again. Even if he had to watch him give it to someone else. 

He’s angry with himself for stealing glances at his arms sometimes, longing to be held by them. He longs to be held by him in general. The thoughts scare him. Bokuto’s a very affectionate person. It’s wrong of him to assume his touches mean anything else. 

They do, though, to him. They mean the world. They mean everything. 

Bokuto made him love volleyball. His passion for the sport is damn contagious, infecting everyone around him with an unstoppable drive to succeed. Akaashi loves their moments on the court, loves his compliments, loves the perfect harmony between them, loves the late-night practices and the way Bokuto always walks him home.

Suddenly, his eyes are wet and a tear rolls down his cheek. Akaashi stops walking, his breath hitching in his throat. He turns to his right, half expecting to see Bokuto standing there and looking at him with his owl-like eyes. Right. He’s not here today. 

Akaashi scoffs. He’s pathetic. Bokuto’s not walking him home one time and he’s acting completely ridiculous. Bokuto won’t be around forever. Fuck, that makes him feel worse.

Before walking into his home, he stifles his tears, tucking his emotions away in the deepest recesses of his soul. He’s not going to ruin their friendship for this silly crush. 

The fear of their friendship's future binds his confession in chains. For now, at least. 

Even if it hurts. He’ll get over it.

“Keiji, you okay?” Akaashi's gaze flickers, momentarily caught off guard by Bokuto's perceptiveness. He forces a smile, attempting to dismiss Bokuto's worry, ignoring the way his heart flutters at the mention of his given name. "I’m alright. Why do you ask?” 

Bokuto sighs softly, sitting down on the gym floor next to him. A shadow of sadness seems to linger in Akaashi’s eyes these days, a heaviness that weighs upon his usually composed countenance. His heart clenches with worry.

“You seem a little down lately. Is something bothering you?"

“Oh, I must be spacing out then. Don’t worry, I’m okay.” Akaashi’s too quick with his answer. It doesn’t ease the worries in his mind. Bokuto's brow furrows, his worry deepening. "Come on, Akaashi, you know you can tell me anything. We're best friends, remember? I want to help if something's bothering you."

Akaashi's lips quiver with unspoken words, the weight of his secret threatening to spill out. "Really, it's nothing to worry about. I’ll try to be more focused, Bokuto-san.” 

Bokuto's eyes search Akaashi's face, his worry refusing to dissipate. "I'm here for you. You know that, don’t you?" Akaashi's heart aches at Bokuto's genuine concern, but the fear has a tight grip on him. He forces another smile. "I know, yeah.” 

Days pass, and Bokuto's worry only grows stronger. Akaashi is back to his usual self, throwing slight insults at him whenever he acts like a dork, his sets are perfect and he smiles a bit more, even if it’s at Bokuto’s expense most of the time. 

Still, Bokuto feels on edge. 

"What’s up with you, man? You've been off your game today," Konoha remarks, wrapping an arm around Bokuto. He lets out a frustrated sigh. "It's Akaashi. He's been looking sad lately, and every time I ask him about it, he brushes me off. I just... I want to help him, but I don't know how.” 

Konoha frowns, massaging Bokuto’s right shoulder. “Huh, really? I didn’t even notice. Maybe he just needs some time to work whatever’s going on out on his own. You can still be there for him. Offer a distraction and let him know you’re here or something.”

“But we share everything with each other. Why can’t he tell me?” Bokuto chugs his water, looking over to his setter. “I know he’s not that expressive, but I thought we put that behind us long ago.” 

“Give him time, man. Don’t pressure him. I’m sure that’s the last thing he needs.” 

As practice resumes, he finds himself stealing glances at Akaashi again. He’s an impatient person, yes, but he’d never want to make his best friend uncomfortable. He’ll just have to sit it out. 

Fuck that. He can’t do that. 

After practice, on their way home, Bokuto playfully nudges Akaashi's shoulder. "Hey, Akaashi, have you noticed how that one girl kept looking at you today? I think her name is Shizumi.” Akaashi ponders for a moment and then shrugs. "Who? Are you sure she wasn’t looking at you, Bokuto-san?” 

Bokuto giggles and throws an arm around Akaashi's shoulder. "Nah, she was looking at you, Kaashi! The way you set for me, it's like magic. You enchanted her for sure."

Akaashi can’t really focus on what Bokuto’s saying, not when the ace’s lips are so close to his, not when Bokuto’s smile makes his heart flutter, not when his resolve crumbles with every passing second. Fear strikes his heart. What is he thinking? 

With a tight smile, Akaashi nods. "I don’t really think she’s looking at me. You must be mistaken. I’ll see you tomorrow, Bokuto-san."

Bokuto watches Akaashi walk up to the door, wave at him and then he’s out of his sight. That didn’t turn out how he expected it at all. 

But Bokuto’s not one to give up easily.

The following weekend, he wakes up with a newfound determination to lift Akaashi's spirits. He asks Akaashi to meet up in the morning, standing at his door a few minutes earlier. The door swings open, and Akaashi's mother greets him warmly.

"Ah, Bokuto-san, it's so nice to see you. Please come in," she says with a kind smile. “Keiji will be down any moment, I believe he’s helping his father with his phone.” 

Bokuto bows slightly, still a little nervous despite having met Akaashi’s mom before. “These are for you. I plucked them on my way here. I think I remember you saying you like lilies.” He offers the flowers to Akaashi’s mom. "I do! Thank you so much, Bokuto-san. How thoughtful of you."

As he steps foot into the house, he notices a family photo on the wall, featuring a younger Akaashi with his parents, and can't help but smile.

"That's a lovely picture," he comments, leaning closer. "Keiji’s so cute.” 

Akaashi's mother chuckles. "He is, isn’t he?"

Just as Bokuto starts to relax in the conversation, the sound of footsteps descending the staircase catches his attention. His eyes light up as Akaashi appears. 

"Akaashi! You look good," Bokuto exclaims, unable to contain his enthusiasm. Akaashi’s breath catches in his throat, heat rushing to his cheeks. "Thank you, Bokuto-san. Sorry to keep you waiting."

“Go on, boys. Have a nice day.” Akaashi snaps out of it, pressing a kiss to his mother’s cheek before grabbing Bokuto’s arm and dragging him out of the house. “Are you trying to suck up to my parents, Bokuto-san?” 

“Sure am! Parents love me,” Bokuto says with a cheesy smile. “But seriously, you look good. Smell good too.” Akaashi’s heart is in his throat. “Why did you ask me to meet you?” he asks instead, hoping to deflect some of the attention away from himself. 

“I've got a surprise planned for you!" he exclaims and ruffles through Akaashi’s hair. “Wow! Your hair’s so soft today, too! Did you get all dressed up for me?” 

Akaashi gently pushes him away. “You’re certainly full of energy today, huh`?” 

Bokuto's eyes gleam mischievously. "Well, I’m on a mission. And I  thought we could start the day with some pancakes at that new café you’ve been wanting to try.”

Akaashi can’t stop smiling. “How do you even know that?” 

Gasping, Bokuto stumbles back. “I listen, Kaashi!” he shouts, an offended look on his face. “You do? Doesn’t seem like it whenever coach tells us something. Or, you know, ever.” Bokuto pouts. “That’s different! Why would I listen when you do?” 

They get on the bus and before they know it, they step into the cozy café, greeted by the inviting aroma of freshly brewed coffee and the comforting scent of pancakes wafting through the air. They find a corner booth by the window and Bokuto sits down in a hurry, grabbing the card. Someone’s hungry, Akaashi thinks fondly. 

The waitress approaches with a friendly smile. "Good morning! Are you ready to order?"

Bokuto's eyes light up with excitement. "Definitely! I'll have five pancakes, topped with strawberries and whipped cream. And coke as a drink." His eyes dart over the card again. “And can I get a single vanilla ice cream scoop? What about you, Kaashi?”

"Could you just prepare two pancakes for me with a side of maple syrup, please? I’m not that hungry.” 

As they wait for their orders to arrive, Bokuto gazes out of the window for a moment. 

"Remember that time during a practice match when I tried to spike the ball and ended up falling flat on my face? We couldn't stop laughing!"

Akaashi sighs softly. "Yes, I remember that vividly. Kuroo and you were rolling on the floor laughing. I’m still surprised you managed to get away scot-free.”

“Well, I’m just invincible.” “...Sure you are, Bokuto-san.”

As their plates of pancakes arrive, Bokuto digs in right away. “These pancakes look and are incredible!" he exclaims. Akaashi smiles fondly. "Thanks for taking me here.”

Throughout the day, Bokuto gives it his all to distract Akaashi from whatever’s been bothering him. He tells his funniest (they’re really not funny at all) jokes, pulls silly faces, and even challenges Akaashi to a dance-off in the middle of the street. Akaashi doesn’t really dance with him, but as long as the smile stays on his face, Bokuto cheers on the inside at the success of his secret mission. 

Later in the day, he takes the younger boy to the arcade, his competitive side coming to light as they stand in line for some silly game. Akaashi still wins every damn time. 

“Here you go,” Akaashi says softly, a colorful slushy in his hand. “Quit sulking. You can’t be good at everything—” “But you are!” 

As evening approaches and they head home, Bokuto wraps one arm around Akaashi. “Today was fun,” he mumbles. “Did you have fun?” Akaashi tries to be unaffected by the proximity. “It was fun. Thanks for taking me, Bokuto-san."

Bokuto giggles, then pokes Akaashi’s side. "I’m glad you could enjoy yourself.”

Akaashi can feel the warmth of Bokuto's touch, and can smell the cologne he wears, the shampoo he likes so much. A blush creeps up his cheeks. He hopes the light of the street lamps is dim enough to hide it. 

"Thanks for agreeing to hang out with me today. It’s always so fun with you," Bokuto says with a wide smile, his voice filled with genuine happiness. Akaashi musters a shy smile, his voice barely above a whisper. "I like hanging out with you too, Bokuto-san.” 

They reach the front of Akaashi's house, and Bokuto stops, turning to face him. His eyes shine strangely as he gently cups Akaashi's cheek.

"You're amazing, Akaashi. You’re my best friend"

Akaashi's heart pounds in his chest. He worries it’s going to jump out of his chest any second. He feels the soft touch of Bokuto's hand against his skin and his whole body tingles. Fuck. He’s going to lose it. He’s going to kiss him. 

"Well, it's time for me to head home. Take care, okay? And remember, if you ever need anything, I'm just a phone call away," Bokuto continues. Akaashi nods, his throat tightening. "Go home, you sap.” Is all he can say. 

Bokuto's smile brightens, and he takes a few steps backward, keeping his gaze fixed on Akaashi. "Goodnight, Kaashi. Sweet dreams!"

Akaashi watches as Bokuto turns and begins to walk away, his heart pounding in his chest. As soon as Bokuto is out of sight and the door is closed, he sinks to the floor.

"Fuck, Koutarou. You idiot," Akaashi whispers into the empty hallway. “You’re killing me.” 

The training camp is in full swing. It’s only a few more days before the Spring Tournament so everyone’s spirits are high. The teams gather on opposite sides of the net, the air thick with anticipation. It's time for another friendly practice game. 

Kuroo smirks at Akaashi, leaning against the net. "This time, I won't let you get away with those sneaky sets.” Akaashi raises an eyebrow. "You don’t need to block me, you need to block Bokuto-san.” Kenma snickers quietly at that response, meeting Akaashi’s eyes as the Nekoma captain grumbles to himself. 

Akaashi wasn’t lying. Bokuto’s having a good day. A string of "HEY HEY HEY!" rings through the gym whenever he makes a point. The sets are intense, with rallies lasting longer than expected. The gymnasium echoes with the sound of balls being spiked, blocked, and the occasional exclamation of triumph or frustration. 

With a powerful spike, Bokuto sends the ball soaring over the net, evading Nekoma's defenses. The gymnasium erupts in cheers as Fukurodani secures the final point, winning the third set of their practice match.

Kuroo claps Bokuto on the back. "You're having a good day, man. My arms are gonna be sore tomorrow. Did you start lifting or some shit?” Bokuto laughs loudly, chugging down his water eagerly. “Well, you were standing in the way and you were practically hugging the floor with your dives! Did you try to join the gymnastics team?”

“Oh, yeah? That’s called defense, you moron. Of course, you wouldn’t know anything about that.” Bokuto smacks his arm. “Why would I need to train defense if my spikes break through any wall? Including your arms.” 

“I’m just not even going to say anything about that. Your ego’s too inflated anyway.” 

“Oi, Kuroo-san, Bokuto-san! Are you joining us for dinner? We’re going to drink after. Yaku knows a guy that can get us some booze.” Lev is smiling widely. 

Bokuto's eyes light up. “Oh, hell yeah!" He tugs at the collar of his shirt, the remnants of the intense practice game still lingering on his skin. "Man, I can't wait to dig into some good food! I'm starving! What a night to get wasted."

Akaashi sighs quietly. “Have you forgotten your last time, Bokuto-san? You swore to never touch alcohol again.” 

“That’s in the past! You’re coming too, right Kaashi? You have to!”

“Underage drinking is illegal—” Bokuto places both of his hands on Akaashi’s shoulders. “Loosen up, man. It’ll be fun! I’m going to outdrink all of you—” 

“You’ll be hungover in the morning, Bokuto-san.” 

“So what? Akaashi, you only live once. Have some fun with us today, hm?” 

Kuroo grins mischievously, chiming in too. "Come on, Akaashi! You’ll like it. Even Kenma’s coming. Finals are over too, you can’t use studying as an excuse again."

Akaashi glances between his two persistent friends. He hesitates, his fingers nervously fidgeting with the strap of his bag. 

“Keiji, it's been a while since we had a good time together. Please, please tag along.” 

With a soft sigh, he finally relents. "Alright, but just for a little while. I don't want to stay out too late.” Before he can react, Bokuto pulls him to his chest and squeezes him tightly. “Yes! It wouldn’t be the same without you,” he shrieks and Akaashi can already feel a headache coming on. 

"What do you guys feel like eating?" Kuroo asks as they stroll down the streets. "Hmm, maybe some sushi? Or how about a big, juicy burger? Oh, and we can't forget about dessert! Ice cream, for sure!"

Kuroo laughs at Bokuto. "You really have a bottomless stomach, man. Let’s hope we find a place that satisfies all your cravings.”

It’s quiet for a moment before Kuroo’s curiosity gets the best of him again. "How's everything at home, by the way? Any progress with your parents?" Bokuto's expression tightens for a moment, his smile fading slightly. He kicks a pebble on the sidewalk, his hands buried in his pockets. 

"They separated, actually," he admits quietly.

“Fuck, man, I’m sorry. How are you taking it? Have you talked to them about it?” Kuroo stops walking, Bokuto slowing down as well. Bokuto shakes his head. "I've tried to bring it up, but my mom seems so down now that my dad’s gone. I know it’s better this way, but honestly, I’ve been staying late more often just so I can avoid seeing them.”

Akaashi stays quiet, eyes never leaving Bokuto. The boy knocked at his window in the middle of the night when his dad moved out, sleeping over at Akaashi’s for two days before he stepped foot into his home again. 

Sighing, Kuroo nudges Bokuto’s shoulder. "That sucks. It brings me back to when my parents were getting divorced. Remember you can't fix their relationship for them."

Bokuto smiles weakly. “Yeah, I know. I try to not let it bother me too much. Akaashi’s been distracting me by staying late to practice.” Their eyes meet briefly. 

“That’s good. Don’t let it build up, though, you hear me? I’m here to talk whenever you need it. I’m sure Akaashi’s too.” Kuroo squeezes his shoulder.

“Being sappy doesn’t suit you, man. Not with your spiky ass hair,” Bokuto says and earns a smack in response. “I was trying to be nice, idiot. Fine. Drown in your sorrow alone.” Bokuto grins stupidly. “You wouldn’t let me. You care too much about me to do that.” 

Kuroo scoffs, shoving the ace slightly. “I’m going to wipe that goddamn grin from your face even if it’s the last fucking thing I’m gonna do.”

A few moments later, they catch up to everyone else and settle down in a nearby restaurant. As soon as the waiter shows them their table and hands out the menus, chaos breaks out, all of them scrambling to order food. 

Kuroo leans forward, grinning wickedly as he eyes a particularly daring dish on the menu. "Hey, Akaashi, you up for a challenge? You love spicy foods, don’t you? I dare you to try the spiciest chicken wings they have."

Akaashi raises an eyebrow. "Consider it accepted."

Yaku rolls his eyes, crossing his arms as he looks over the dish. "You guys are insane. I'll stick to the milder options, thank you very much."

Akaashi's initial reservations begin to melt away as he immerses himself in the company of his friends. Lev is recalling Kenma and his cat rescue attempt which makes everyone laugh apart from Kenma trying to butt in and complain about how he nearly died that day.

Their peaceful time is interrupted by the unexpected arrival of Oikawa and Iwaizumi who seem to have passed by the club. Oikawa, with his trademark confidence, sweeps his gaze across the group. "Well, well, look who we have here.”

Kuroo raises an eyebrow, his grin widening. "What brings you two here?”

Oikawa smirks, giving Kuroo a playful wink. "Oh, you know us. We can't resist a good time and good food. You don’t mind if we join you, yes?” He flashes a charismatic smile. 

“We don’t,” Yaku says, scooting closer to Lev. As he brushes against Lev’s shoulder, the boy perks up and looks around. “Oh, is someone there? Yaku, is that you? I can’t see you.” His punishment doesn’t take long to arrive - Yaku smacks the back of his head. “Do you wanna die tonight? I’m going to strangle you, kid. Don’t test me.” 

“Who are you calling a kid, Yaku? You’re only a year older.” Bokuto laughs loudly. “Yah! It’s two years, you idiot. Two years and two months of more experience.” 

Lev giggles. “I’m not calling you senpai, in case you want that.” 

Akaashi's gaze drifts from one face to another. He sees Kenma leaning against Kuroo’s shoulder, fingers rushing over the screen of his game console, watches Yamamoto peeking at the console to try and see what’s going on, Bokuto arguing with Yaku about honorifics, Kuroo waiting for the right moment to snatch the console from Kenma and Oikawa and Iwaizumi holding hands underneath the table in secret.

Bokuto's phone rings suddenly, interrupting the cheerful chatter. He furrows his brows, excusing himself from the table to take the call. Akaashi watches as Bokuto's expression changes, a flicker of concern coursing through his chest when Bokuto returns to the table with an upset look on his face. "Sorry, guys. I need to head home. My mom needs some help. Our relatives come over tomorrow."

Kuroo's eyes widen, disappointment evident on his face. "Aw, man! Just when we were getting ready to have a blast!"

"Don't worry, you guys. We'll have plenty more chances to hang out. Kuroo, you'll take care of Akaashi, right? Take him home?" Akaashi tilts his head to the side. “I can get home perfectly fine on my own, Bokuto-san.” 

Bokuto grins. “Shit, yeah, you’re right. You’re already seventeen. Gosh, they grow up so fast.” Akaashi wishes he could just ignore the moron right in front of him. Kenma looks up from his console for once. “You’re one year older, Bokuto.” 

“I’ll make sure everyone gets home fine. Including Akaashi-kun. Take care of things at home, Bo. We'll catch up soon." Kuroo puts an end to the discussion. 

As Bokuto bids them goodbye, Akaashi watches him leave, a twinge of disappointment tugging at his heart. As much as the boy gets on his nerves, he feels safe with him. A place like this isn’t really for him. Bokuto’s really the only reason he’s agreed to come. 

Kuroo leans back in his chair. “Let the party continue.” 

The evening progresses and Akaashi starts to feel tingly. He takes another sip of his drink, the flavors dancing on his tongue. The alcohol starts to take effect, heightening his senses and making him feel all warm and fuzzy inside.

He observes Kenma again, now sitting beside him, his usual stoic expression softened by a hint of a smile. He’s no longer playing his games, instead listening to the conversations around him. Just like Akaashi. Their eyes meet a couple of times, communicating without one of them opening his mouth. 

Soon, Akaashi finds himself laughing more freely, his usual reserved nature giving way to a more carefree side. He's aware of the slight buzz in his head, the way his thoughts become a little hazier, but it only adds to the vibrant energy of the night.

The clinking of glasses, the warmth of the laughter, the intertwining of stories and jokes— it’s fun. 

Lev decides it's the perfect moment to share a secret with the group. "Guys, I have a crush on this girl in my class. Her name is…Hikari. She's really cool, and I can't stop thinking about her."

Yaku raises an eyebrow, a smirk tugging at his lips. "Oh, Lev. Puppy love, huh? You better work up the courage to ask her out."

Lev's cheeks turn a shade of pink, but he grins. "I'll do my best, Yaku-san!"

“Our Lev is growing up!” Kuroo pulls the taller boy close, ruffling through his hair. “I’m coming to get you from class next week. I gotta see her.” 

Cheeks red, Lev takes a sip from his drink. “Please don’t embarrass me! It’s a secret.” 

“So, we’re spilling secrets now, huh?” 

Iwaizumi nudges Oikawa with a sly smile. "We’re next then,” Oikawa announces. “Iwa-chan and I—” 

Before he can finish, Iwaizumi kisses him. 

The group erupts into excited chatter, cheering for the newly revealed couple. “Woah! I mean I suspected something, but I wasn’t sure. How long has it been, love birds?” Kuroo looks thoroughly invested as usual, always wanting to hear the latest gossip and sticking his nose in everyone’s business. 

“Just over a year. Iwa-chan was kinda slow to realize his feelings. It hurt my pride because honestly, who can resist me?” Oikawa runs a hand through his hair. Iwaizumi looks seconds away from strangling his boyfriend. “But yeah, we’re together.”

“Congrats. You’re sweet. Childhood friends to lovers, huh?” Yaku says with a smile. “Yeah, you can say that, however, I don’t think I ever saw Iwa-chan as just a friend ever.” Iwaizumi lifts Oikawa’s chin with his finger. “Pretty sure you were in love with me from the start.” Oikawa turns beet red and the group cheers again.

Akaashi watches them, a bitter taste on his tongue. There’s a bitter feeling in his stomach. He’s happy for them, really, even if it reminds him of what he doesn’t have. He really can’t deny his feelings any longer. 

He gulps down another drink instead — avoidance should work. 

Yaku raises an eyebrow. "Careful there, Akaashi-kun. You might want to slow down. Don't get too tipsy on us." Akaashi scoffs, the alcohol warming his cheeks. "No promises, Yaku-san.”

“He looks like he needs it. Go on, try my drink,” Oikawa says, voice sickeningly sweet. Iwaizumi rolls his eyes. "Don't encourage him, Tooru." 

Akaashi takes a sip of the drink, savoring the taste. "Oh yeah, that’s hella good.” 

“Hella?” Kuroo looks at Kenma, then bursts into laughter. “I don’t think I’ve ever heard you say that. You are definitely tipsy.” 

“Oh, yeah?” Akaashi’s on a roll. He doesn’t know what he’s saying. “I’ll tell you something else you don’t know.” Oikawa and Kuroo lean in, intrigued. Lev and Yaku follow suit. 

Akaashi brushes his hair back. "I'm bisexual." As soon as the words spill past his lips he freezes, heart dropping to his stomach. 

“What? Really?” Akaashi breathes out heavily, then nods his head. He’s met with wide eyes. What the hell is he doing? He outed himself…in front of everyone. “Yeah.” 

“Wow, uhm, thanks for telling us!” Yaku pokes his side. Akaashi thinks he sees Oikawa smile, eyes shimmering knowingly. “Yeah, thanks for telling us. Doesn’t change anything, though. You should still stop drinking. Bokuto’s going to have my head otherwise.” Kuroo takes his cocktail glass, then wraps an arm around his shoulders.

Akaashi can’t stop the smile forming on his face. He’s out. 

He’s out. Nothing bad happened. It felt good, it still feels good. 

No one’s mad at him. All of them are accepting. 

He catches Oikawa winking at him. “Well done, Akaashi-kun. It takes a lot of courage.”

Kenma snorts. “There wasn’t any courage involved. Akaashi’s just drunk.” 

With a groan, Akaashi opens his eyes to the bright morning light filtering through the window. His head throbs, a painful reminder of the night before. Blinking away the remnants of sleep, he pushes himself up and immediately winces. 

"Ugh," he whispers to himself, his voice hushed and raspy. He vaguely remembers the laughter, the clinking of glasses, the music and the people that surrounded him. He briefly wonders how he got home, memory slightly hazed, but Kuroo is definitely the one who brushed his hair back when he threw up into the toilet and also the person who snuck him into his room without alerting his parents. 

God, he owes Kuroo one. Why the fuck did he drink so much? He must be losing it. 

As he struggles to gather his scattered thoughts, a knock at the door startles him. He winces at the sound, his headache intensifying momentarily. “Keiji? Are you awake?” 

He drags himself to the door, making up a couple of excuses in his head. “Coming, Mom.”

Opening the door, Akaashi is greeted by the sight of his mother and Bokuto. Wait. Bokuto? The older boy musters a sheepish smile. “Hey, uh, your mom let me in.” He points at the bag in his hand. “I bought some remedies for your headache. I figured you might still be feeling under the weather.”

The corners of Akaashi's mouth curl up into a small smile. "Bokuto-san, hi," he mumbles, his voice a little hoarse. "You didn’t have to come all the way here.” He steps aside, allowing Bokuto to enter his room.

“Why didn’t you tell me you felt bad yesterday?” His mom pinches his cheek gently. “I’ll call you when breakfast’s ready, hm?” “Sorry…thank you, Mom. I was out late. You were already sleeping.” With a sigh, his mother turns and heads back downstairs, muttering something about how lucky he is to have a friend like Bokuto. 

Akaashi shuts the door, the creak loud enough to make him nauseous. 

Bokuto sets his bag on the table and rummages through it, pulling out some juice and a pack of crackers.” "I thought these might help you feel better," he whispers, his voice softening with genuine concern. "I told your mom that you started feeling sick yesterday. You went along with it pretty quickly, I’m glad. How’s your head?” 

“It’s alright, not too bad.” Akaashi looks at himself in the mirror, a bit self-conscious about his appearance. Bokuto gently grabs his arm when he stumbles. “You should sit down. You’re unsteady on your feet. Are you dizzy?”

“A bit.”

“I was worried when Kuroo texted me last night after he took you home. It’s, you know…it’s not like you to drink. He told me you threw up.” Akaashi takes a sip of the juice Bokuto brought along. “I don’t know. It just happened. We had a good time. I’ll be fine. I owe Kuroo a big time.” 

“Oh, man! Did I miss anything exciting?" Bokuto pouts, falling back onto the mattress. Akaashi’s eyes are drawn to the way Bokuto's hair falls perfectly into place, not styled upward as usual, how his broad shoulders relax against the pillows, and how his smile lights up the room. Bokuto just being in his personal space makes him nervous.

Butterflies flutter in Akaashi's stomach when the older boy turns on his side, his shirt revealing a part of his tummy. He tries to act normal, to suppress the rush of feelings threatening to spill out. He takes a deep breath, attempting to steady his racing heartbeat, and diverts his gaze to the floor, his fingers fidgeting with the edge of his shirt. “I believe Lev admitted his feelings for a girl in his class.”

“No way! I gotta text Kuroo right now! That’s so adorable,” Bokuto shrieks. “Lev’s finally catching feeling for someone!” Akaashi winces at the loud noise. “Shit! I’m sorry, I-I’m sorry—” Bokuto’s eyes are wide. 

“It’s alright, just be quiet.”  

Bokuto nods frantically. "Did...did anyone spill any other secrets? You have to tell me! Man, I should’ve been there.” His voice is hushed now but the curious glint is still as bright as ever. “Promise me you won’t yell?” Bokuto nods his head again. 

Bokuto leans in closer. "What is it? Don’t torture me…please!”

“Akaashi-kun, here you are.” Akaashi raises his head. He stepped outside for a moment, the rush from outing himself still thrumming through his veins. He didn’t expect Oikawa to follow suit. “You know, I never got the chance to apologize for my blunt accusations from last time.” 

“You don’t need to apologize,” he mumbles. “It’s not like you were wrong.” 

Chuckling, the setter sits down next to him. “I still want to. It wasn’t right for me to interfere, not when you weren’t even ready to admit it to yourself.” 

"Am I that obvious?”

Oikawa shrugs, a knowing smile gracing his lips. "Longing is something I'm familiar with. I loved Hajime for years before we got together. It's pretty hard to miss the way you look at your ace... it’s just like how I look at mine." Oikawa's words hang in the air for a moment. 

Akaashi thinks he’s forgotten how to breathe. 

The realization that his hidden emotions might not be as concealed as he thought sends a surge of anxiety through his veins. He stammers for a moment, his usually composed demeanor faltering. 

Oikawa's smile softens. "It's that same longing, that same connection. Love. It’s quite simple actually.”

Akaashi’s rendered speechless. The walls he has carefully constructed around his heart begin to crumble. "I... I've never... I’m still struggling to admit it to myself. I-I’ve never even said it out loud.” 

“It’s not easy, I know. But know that there’s nothing wrong with how you’re feeling. Absolutely nothing. It’s a precious feeling. It gives you everything.”

Nothing wrong. Nothing wrong. There’s nothing wrong with him. 

“It also takes…a lot.” Again, Oikawa chuckles. “It does. It hurts. I’ve struggled for a long time, nearly a decade with my feelings. The times I refused to acknowledge them were the worst, so don’t make the same mistake I did."

Oikawa looks up at the night sky. “Embrace it, instead.”

Bokuto's expression softens, his gaze lingering on Akaashi. “Sorry, your head must be killing you.” He pats the space next to him. “Come lie down. Did the juice help? I looked it up and it’s apparently really good. You should drink lots of water today, too.” 

Akaashi’s not thinking clearly, head still caught up in the memory from yesterday. He lies down on his bed anyway, closing his eyes and hoping to find solace in the darkness behind his eyelids. Bokuto reaches out, his fingers tenderly brushing against Akaashi's hair. "I read somewhere that running your fingers through someone's hair can help ease headaches. Can I try?"

Akaashi's eyes flutter open, breath catching in his throat. He feels a tingling sensation as Bokuto's fingers glide through his locks, the touch delicate. He nods, dazed. Bokuto smiles, his touch becoming even more gentle.

“Oikawa-san and Iwaizumi-san are a couple,” he whispers a few seconds later. “A couple? Like in the romantic sense?" Akaashi hesitates for a moment. “Yeah.”

"No way! I never saw that coming! That's so cool!" Akaashi can hear the surprise in his voice, but Bokuto keeps his voice quiet. "Yes, it was quite a surprise."

“Ah, they must be adorable. Did y’all just reveal your secrets or what?”

Akaashi's eyelids grow heavy, the hand in his hair making him drowsy. “Some did,” he mumbles, his voice barely above a whisper. Bokuto's hand stills for a moment. “I wish I was there. What about you?”

I’m bisexual. I’m bisex—

“I think Kuroo shared a childhood story that involved a traumatizing encounter with a squirrel or something." Bokuto chuckles softly. "A squirrel? He didn’t tell me about that yet. That must have been hilarious!” Akaashi tries his best to keep his eyes closed, fiddling with the hem of his shirt to ground himself. 

“So, you didn’t share anything? I didn’t think you would. I know that’s not a place where you would open up.” Bokuto starts braiding a single strand of his hair, still incredibly gentle. “I’m glad you had fun, though.” 

Akaashi tries to ignore the pang of guilt in his chest. He’s never lied to Bokuto before. 

“You should go home. You don’t need to stay here, Bokuto-san.”

“But Kaashi! I'm here to take care of you!"

His heart feels heavy. Bokuto’s practically beaming at him, hand still in his hair and all Akaashi can think of is how that smile is going to fade when he’d confess his feelings. 

It would fade, along with their friendship. So, he can’t tell him, won’t tell him. 

He’s not going to lose Bokuto over this. 

"Hey, hey, look who decided to join us!" Bokuto exclaims, grinning at Oikawa. "Who the fuck invited you?" Oikawa smirks. "Kuroo did. I wouldn't miss it for the world, Bo-chan.” 

Bokuto scoffs, sending a glare in Kuroo’s direction. “I’ll let you know beforehand that it’ll get dirty tonight. A little birdie told me we’re playing truth or dare.” Iwaizumi already looks fed up with his boyfriend. 

“I’ll make you admit your worst memories, don’t test me,” Bokuto hisses and Akaashi places a gentle hand on his arm. “Bokuto-san, settle down. We’re all friends here.”

Oikawa chuckles, removing a lock of Akaashi’s hair from his forehead. “That we are.” 

As he walks away, Bokuto grits his teeth, resentment bubbling in his stomach. “Who the fuck does he think he is, being all up in your space like—” “It’s okay. I don’t mind. He does that sometimes.” Bokuto’s words get stuck in his throat. “You don’t mind?” he repeats dumbly. “I didn’t know you were close.” 

“We’re not, not really. We just had a fun time the other night.” Akaashi shrugs, walking into the living room. Bokuto stays behind for another moment, stunned. It took him long to get the privilege to touch Akaashi without getting shoved off. It stings. 

The group gathers in the living room. It was Kuroo’s birthday on Thursday and he invited all of them to come over and celebrate today. 

Bokuto takes the initiative as soon as Kuroo comes back with the snacks. He’s been looking forward to tonight. He’s still a little bummed that he didn’t get to spend time with everyone after their practice game a few weeks ago.

"Alright, I'll start!" He declares, rubbing his hands together before he spins the bottle in front of them. "Kenma, truth or dare?" Kenma sighs. “I didn’t agree to do this. I thought we were having a movie night.” 

Bokuto and Kuroo grin. "Truth, then? Is it true that you secretly have a TikTok account where you post dance videos?" Kenma's eyes widen, and he shoots a quick glance at Kuroo, who's already laughing. "Tetsu, I’m gonna fucking kill you—” 

The group erupts in laughter. “So, it’s true?! Kuroo, did you catch him doing one? Why do you know this?” Yaku is practically screaming. “Show me one! Please, I’m begging,” he exclaims, tugging at Kenma’s arm. “Not over my dead body.” 

The game continues peacefully for a while, with a few interesting truths coming to life, Lev having to reveal the name of the girl he’s crushing on and Kuroo admitting to walking in on Kenma doing an adorable dance challenge. Yamato is forced to learn a cartwheel, nearly crashing into Kuroo’s table before they abort the challenge. 

When it's Oikawa's turn, he looks around the circle with a twinkle in his eyes. "Akaashi, truth or dare?" Bokuto raises an eyebrow. “You didn’t spin the bottle. That’s not how it works.” Akaashi glances at Bokuto. "Who said we’re playing by the rules?" Oikawa asks, the stupid grin still on his face. 

“Spin the bottle, Trashykawa. Don’t get on everyone’s nerves.” 

Oikawa smirks. “What a pity. Well, let’s see then.” He spins the bottle and for a fleeting moment, Akaashi thinks he might get up and leave if the bottle lands on him. He’s aware that Oikawa’s eyes have been on him for the last couple of rounds. He knows Oikawa’s planning to ask him something, most likely something uncomfortable. 

But Oikawa wouldn’t reveal anything about him, would he? About Bokuto?

The bottle passes him and comes to a stop at Kuroo’s feet. "Alright, let's take this up a notch," Oikawa says. "I want to know... what's one fear you've never told anyone about?"

Kuroo runs a hand through his hair, gaze drifting to the table as he contemplates his answer. The room falls quiet for a moment. “Mh, I think I always had this fear of not being good enough," Kuroo admits, his voice lacking the usual cheerful tone. "It's not like in volleyball per se, it’s more in my private life. I worry I might end up with no friends. I-I don’t know. It’s stupid. It’s like this constant weight on my shoulders, a pressure to measure up to expectations. Expectations I created for myself, mostly."

Kenma’s eyes shift to Kuroo, his voice gentle. "I never thought I’d hear you say I might end up with no friends. That’s my line, you thief.” Kuroo grins, leaning closer and pinching Kenma’s cheek. “I was worse than you back then, Ken, you know that. I think that’s where the fear stems from.”

“You’re doing just fine now. You’ll be okay,” Kenma says, eyes back on his screen one second later. And just like that, the smile is back on Kuroo’s face. 

The bottle lands on Yaku next. 

Kuroo thinks for a moment, then chuckles lowly. He’s getting competitive, feeling Oikawa’s eyes on him. So he digs deeper, broaching topics that toe the line between discomfort and vulnerability. “Tell us about a moment that changed your life forever," he prompts, leaning back. “Something that haunts you to this day.” 

Yaku's expression tightens. “You don’t have to answer if you don’t want to,” Kenma says quietly, briefly meeting Yaku’s gaze. "No, no it’s alright. Well, uh, a few years ago, my family was in a pretty bad car crash." Yaku’s lip quivers slightly. “My, uh, my youngest brother got severely injured. H-He’s alright now, but I-I couldn't reach him back then. Seeing him in the car, bleeding, it-it shook me to my core. I’ve been a little overprotective since then. My whole family is.”

Kuroo scoots over to the libero, flicking his forehead. “Fuck, Yaku. You didn’t have to answer that,” Kuroo whispers. “My therapist said I should try talking about it sometime. This felt like the right place to share it, I guess.” Yaku musters a soft smile. 

“You go to a therapist?” “Yeah, yeah, once a month. It’s pretty helpful.”

A few rounds later with a bit more cheerful questions and funny dares, the bottle stops in front of Akaashi’s feet. “Ah, I’ve been waiting for so long.” He locks eyes with Oikawa, the other setter grinning at him.

"Akaashi-kun, truth or dare," he says, his voice dripping with a mixture of playfulness and cunning. “Truth.” Akaashi feels the weight of the group's attention on him, their eyes fixed expectantly. He begins to fidget with the hem of his shirt.

Oikawa's voice cuts through the silence. "Akaashi-kun, why don’t you tell us about the game against Mijunazaka High. The game you had to sit out."

Bokuto's concern flares up. He opens his mouth to speak up, but before he can utter a word, Akaashi meets Oikawa's gaze head-on, determination in his eyes. "I was unfocused. Coach did the right thing and benched me.”

Oikawa seems unsatisfied with Akaashi's response. He presses further, his tone becoming more probing. "But, Akaashi-kun, why were you unfocused? What happened to throw off your balance? You’re not very expressive usually."

Bokuto grits his teeth. He shoots Oikawa a piercing glare. "Oikawa, ease up a bit, will you? This is supposed to be a fun game, not an interrogation. Akaashi gave his answer."

Oikawa shrugs nonchalantly. "Come on, Bokuto, it's all in good fun. Besides, we're here to learn more about each other, right?" He turns back to Akaashi, head tilting to the side. “And? What threw you off?” 

“Their strategy targeted me. I felt trapped and I didn’t know how to get out of it. My thoughts were all over the place. I think I was panicking a little,” Akaashi mumbles, his expression blank. Bokuto scoots a little closer to him, hesitating to reach out and place a hand on Akaashi’s thigh.

“Don’t pretend like you never had a slump, Tooru. I can recount a few of them off the top of my head,” Iwaizumi mutters. “Mean, Iwa-chan!” “You’re the only one who’s mean here, Trashykawa. You can never mind your fucking business, can you?”

"I’ll go outside for a sec," Akaashi murmurs. "Just a few minutes to clear my head. It’s sticky in here. I’ll get some ice cream." 

Before Bokuto can get up, Oikawa rises to his feet instead. "Akaashi-kun, I'll come with you. Ice cream sounds great right now. We can take a short walk outside."

Akaashi seems unbothered, glancing over to Bokuto. "I'll be back soon, okay?"

Bokuto's eyes follow Akaashi and Oikawa as they make their way outside. His fists clench, and a mix of emotions churns within him— some things he can’t even put a name on. He’s pissed. Really fucking pissed. First, that asshole is targeting Akaashi and asking stupid questions and now this. What’s Oikawa thinking taking him outside like that? After making him uncomfortable? 

They’re not close. He’s Akaashi’s closest friend, right?

He knows the sticky atmosphere makes Akaashi’s headaches flare up. He knows how much his best friend enjoys being outside to get some fresh air. He knows him. Oikawa doesn’t know a thing about him.

Kuroo’s suddenly next to him, wrapping an arm around his shoulders. “Oikawa sure is nosy, huh?” Iwaizumi snorts. “He’s being a brat today.”

The group engages in light banter, attempting to alleviate the lingering tension that has settled over them the past few rounds. Lev seems especially affectionate with Yaku, leaning against his side quietly. Kuroo’s glad he does. Even if Yaku pretends to roll his eyes at the boy, Kuroo knows he needs it. 

Bokuto joins in, masking the underlying unease that continues to gnaw at him.

Minutes stretch into what feels like hours, and finally, Akaashi and Oikawa rejoin the group. Akaashi's expression has softened, his features more relaxed. Oikawa’s arm is wrapped around his shoulder, a bright smile on his face. “Guys! Which Spider-Man’s the best? This question is crucial to our friendship. There’s only one answer.” 

Yaku chuckles. “Did you talk about that outside?” Oikawa nods. “We sure did! Luckily, Akaashi chose the right answer. Otherwise, I would’ve locked him out.”

Kuroo chips in right away. “Easy. Acting and drama, Andrew. Storyline, Tom. And best Peter Parker, Tobey.” Kenma furrows his brows. “You’ve been waiting for someone to ask you this, haven’t you?”

“Kuroo, you’re exactly right! There’s no other answer.” Oikawa giggles stupidly. Iwaizumi scoffs at his boyfriend. “I like Tom the best.” 

The entire apartment complex hears Oikawa’s gasp. Then, Oikawa starts shouting. Kuroo momentarily wonders if his neighbors are going to call the police. 

Akaashi escapes Oikawa’s grasp and moves back into the space next to Bokuto. “You okay? Head feeling better?” Bokuto asks quietly, his fingers automatically finding a way into Akaashi’s hair. “I’m okay, Bokuto-san.” 

“Guys, settle down a little. I don’t want to get a noise complaint. My neighbors love me,” Kuroo mumbles when Oikawa starts shaking his boyfriend by the shoulders as if shaking him enough would make him change his mind. Kenma sticks his tongue out. “You suck up.” 

“I don’t think I’ve seen the movies with Tom in it,” Bokuto says and the group lets out a collective gasp. “And I didn’t see the Avengers either—” “Bokuto!”

“The real question is, though, who do you find most attractive?” Oikawa throws the question into the room. “Ugh, great question. I think Andrew’s my favorite,” Kuroo mumbles. “But yeah, Akaashi, Iwa and Oikawa, what do you think?” Akaashi feels his blood run cold. “What’s your type? Which Spiderman should swing in and scoop you—” Kuroo’s words get stuck in his throat when he sees the alarm on Akaashi’s face.

Oikawa, still blissfully unaware, tilts his head to the side. “Andrew’s my favorite too, but I gotta say Jake Gyllenhaal is very, very hot. Also, I’m Iwaizumi’s favorite Spiderman, right?” Iwaizumi rolls his eyes. “What about you, Akaashi-kun? You’re qualified to answer that question, unlike Kuroo. Or do you wanna tell us something, Tetsu?” 

Bokuto, his left hand still in Akaashi’s hair, stills. "What are you talking about?” He turns around and Kenma sees Akaashi visibly paling. “All of us can answer that, right?”

The room falls into an uncomfortable silence. Oikawa looks confused. “Well, he came out to us in the club—” Iwaizumi nudges his side and the setter shuts his mouth for once. 

Akaashi thinks he’d take any Spiderman to get out of here right now. 

Bokuto furrows his brows. “What? What do you mean he came out?”

Akaashi dares to look up, gaze lingering on Bokuto. He considers his options to flee, briefly contemplating if he fits through the small window in the kitchen. When Bokuto turns around, he looks smaller than just a second ago, eyes big and confused. “What’s going on, Kaashi? Can you tell me too?”

He can’t run away from this forever. 

“I’m bisexual.”

“Oh,” Bokuto whispers. “Uhm, that…that’s cool.” He scratches his neck awkwardly. Kenma has to look away when Bokuto turns to the group. “So you all know?” A few hesitant nods. “Oh.” 

“Did I ever make you feel uncomfortable or anything? I didn’t right?”

“You didn’t,” Akaashi breathes out. He can barely think straight. “I-I didn’t want you to find out in such a public setting, I’m sorry.” 

Bokuto looks lost. Akaashi can’t read him at all, can’t reach him anymore. He can’t figure out what he’s thinking. It feels like Bokuto’s slipping through his fingers like sand. As if he’s watching their friendship crumble. Right in front of him.  

“Then, why didn’t you tell me?” Bokuto still looks rather confused, eyes a little sad.

He panics. “I was about to tell you, I promise. I was intoxicated when I told them and it was just the right time and place. I didn’t want to keep it to myself anymore. I swear I was planning to tell you, it-it just felt safe to talk to them—” 

“So, you…you don’t feel safe around me?” 

Akaashi’s breath catches in his throat. “No! That’s not what I meant. I wanted to tell you, I did. I was just waiting for the right—” 

“Were you really? Because…because it seems to me like you would’ve kept that from me if Oikawa didn’t—” His voice cracks slightly. “Why would you be afraid of how I'd react?” Akaashi wishes the ground would swallow him whole. “Why does Oikawa of all people know before I do—” Akaashi flinches as Bokuto raises his voice at him. 

“Bo, settle down,” Kuroo says softly, in an attempt to de-escalate the situation. He takes a step forward, but Bokuto brushes his hand off. 

“Do…Do you think so little of our friendship?" Bokuto’s eyes are wet now. 

"No, no no, it’s not like that at all. I was just scared, and…and I made a poor call. I promise I wanted to tell you" Bokuto stays silent. “Kou, please—” 

“It’s alright, I guess,” he mumbles, voice thick with emotion. “I-I just thought we’d tell each other things like this first. I’m not as important to you as you are to me, then.” 

Akaashi can feel his heart shatter in his chest. 

“Thanks for telling me, though. I’m real proud of you, Keiji.” 

The door falls shut. 

“Akaashi, I’m so, so sorry.” Oikawa’s almost crying.  “I didn’t mean to...I thought you told him. I never would’ve said anything, If I knew—” 

Akaashi draws in a sharp breath. “It’s my fault. This is all my fault.” Kuroo sighs and places a hand on Akaashi’s shoulder. “He’s just a little upset right now. He’ll come around, don’t worry.” 

“I-I meant to tell him, I really did.” He moves to the door on autopilot. “I—I…excuse me.” He doesn’t even register Kuroo calling his name. 

Bokuto sits outside on the ground, wiping his eyes when he hears Akaashi approaching. He looks so small like this. Akaashi wishes he could turn back time.

“I’m sorry for making a scene and for shouting,” Bokuto whispers. “I’m sorry for pressuring you to come out to me. If you weren’t ready for me to know then I just gotta accept that.” 

“Koutarou…”

Bokuto’s eyes are red when he looks up. Still, he forces a small smile. “You don’t have to worry about me, Kaashi. I’m just being a little dramatic. Go back inside. It’s cold out here. I don’t want you to catch a cold.” 

“I’m not leaving you alone.” 

The sight of Bokuto's tears, shimmering in the dim light, sends shards of pain through Akaashi's heart. Every tear is a testament to the hurt he has caused his best friend.

"I... I should have told you sooner," he says, his voice trembling. "I wasn’t afraid that you’d be homophobic. I knew you weren’t.”

Bokuto breathes out shakily, his gaze fixed on Akaashi. "Then, why didn’t you? If you wanted to keep it to yourself, I would’ve understood, but…why would you…why did you tell everyone except for m-me?”

Akaashi lowers his head. Bokuto moves closer to him, their shoulders brushing against each other. "Keiji, you could never lose me. Your sexuality doesn’t change anything. Especially not our friendship. You know that, right? I don’t even know if I’m straight or not. Were you afraid that I was gonna be mad or something? I’m not. I’m really not."

Akaashi swallows hard. "No, no Koutarou—”

“You’re my best friend, Keiji. I’m not letting go of you this easily. Nothing you’d say would make me turn away—”

“I... I'm in love with you.”

Silence hangs heavy between them. Bokuto's eyes widen further, his mouth slightly agape. A kaleidoscope of emotions dances across his face. “W-What?”

“I…I’ve been in love with you for a long time."

It's the first time he's said it out loud. There’s relief. Relief, for finally gathering enough courage to actually voice his feelings, for speaking his truth.

The seconds stretch into eternity and silence fills the space between them. Akaashi's heart pounds louder, fear slowly outweighing the relief he felt just seconds ago. He tries to meet Bokuto’s gaze, waiting for a response, any response. His mind races, analyzing every flicker of emotion that dances across Bokuto's features.

Finally, Bokuto's voice breaks through the silence. "Akaashi... I... I didn't know. I never knew..." Akaashi’s vision blurs with tears. He tries to blink them back, but he can't hold them back any longer. His hand trembles as he wipes at his cheeks, feeling foolish for breaking down like this. 

“No no no, don’t cry. Don’t cry, Keiji. Please, don’t cry.” Akaashi's heart aches at the raw vulnerability in Bokuto's voice. “You’re breaking my heart,” Bokuto whimpers, cupping Akaashi’s face in his hands. “Don’t cry, please.”

"I'm sorry for keeping this from you. I never wanted to hurt you or make things complicated. I didn’t want to lose you over my stupid feelings.”

Tears spill over Akaashi's lashes, his voice breaking. "I’m sorry, I’m so, so sorry. I never meant to hurt you.” 

Bokuto’s hand lingers on Akaashi's cheek. “Stop apologizing, Keiji," he whispers.

"I... Thank you for telling me how you feel. It means a lot to me, really," Bokuto begins, his voice wavering. "You're an amazing person, and you’re my best friend in the whole world.” Akaashi's eyes meet Bokuto's, searching for any sign of reciprocation.

"But I-I never thought of you as something else.”

Akaashi's shoulders slump, his gaze dropping to the ground.

Bokuto's trembling, another tear rolling down his cheek. "Akaashi, please don't be too upset. W-We can still be friends, right? I really don’t want to hurt you.” 

Akaashi shuts his eyes for a moment. “I didn't expect you to feel the same way. I just... needed to let you know. I want you to understand why I didn’t come out to you. I wanted to, several times…”

“It’s okay, I-I’m not mad anymore. We’re okay, right?” 

Akaashi’s thumb gently brushes away Bokuto’s tears. “We are. Just give me some time to get over you, alright? I won’t take long, I promise.” 

“Okay…” Akaashi forces a smile. Bokuto hates it. “It’ll be okay, Bokuto-san.”

What about you? Will you be okay? 

Bokuto doesn’t know how long he sits there, out in the cold, after Akaashi leaves. "You okay? I told everyone to leave. Akaashi did too just now." Bokuto raises his head. "Did you guys make up?" Kuroo sits down next to him, gently nudging his side. 

"I-I don’t know,” he mumbles. “He told me he likes me.”

Kuroo hums, scooting a bit closer. Desperate for comfort, Bokuto leans against him, trying his best to keep the tears at bay. "I’ve hurt him." Kuroo stays silent for a moment. “What did you say?” 

"I never thought of him as something other than my best friend. That’s what I said. What…what if I’m wrong? I-I don’t know what I’m feeling. Keiji…he didn’t tell me because he feared it would strain our friendship. And that’s exactly what— fuck, what if I’m going to lose him over this? Kuroo…what if?” 

Kuroo sighs, gently patting his friend’s back. Bokuto’s eyes still shimmer with tears and Kuroo wonders if it might be best to let his friend be for today. “Look, you’re confused and upset. It’ll all look different in the morning. Why don’t you sleep over, hm? Kenma’s giving up his spot on the couch for you.”

“You’re the best, Tetsu.” 

“I sure am, huh?” Kuroo flicks his forehead. “C’mon, get up. Let’s order some take-out.”

The morning sun casts a gentle glow over the school campus. Bokuto fiddles with the hem of his shirt anxiously, awaiting Akaashi's arrival.

He doesn’t know if the younger boy even wants to walk with him, let alone talk to him after yesterday. He feels tired, muscles aching from the night on the couch. He didn’t sleep well. 

As the minutes tick by, Bokuto's eyes search the crowd of students, his gaze finally landing on Akaashi making his way toward their usual meeting spot.

A wave of relief washes over him, but it quickly dissipates when he notices the weariness etched on Akaashi's face. Did he sleep at all? 

"Akaashi! You're late today,” he says softly. “I wasn’t sure if you’d even come at all.” 

Akaashi's response is polite yet curt, his tone holding a tinge of detachment. "I apologize for being late, Bokuto-san. I had some things to take care of this morning."

Bokuto's brows knit together. "I…Is this not okay? Do you not want me to wait for you anymore?” Akaashi's eyes flicker briefly, a fleeting moment of vulnerability betraying his stoic facade. But just as quickly, he masks it with a polite smile. "No, no, it’s alright. We can keep doing this."

Bokuto's heart sinks at the guarded response. 

“Okay…” 

“We should head inside.” 

Bokuto's shoulders slump slightly, disappointment washing over him. This is what Akaashi feared. What he feared. And it’s happening. 

He holds back the urge to touch Akaashi, ruffle through his hair, grab his arm, or wrap an arm around his shoulder. Instead, he swallows the lump in his throat and asks, “Will I see you at lunch?”

Akaashi's smile tightens. Bokuto thinks he’s never seen Akaashi’s composure falter so often before. He really hurt him, hasn’t he? “Not today, I have to stay back and study."

“I could join—” Akaashi breathes out shakily. “Or…or we’ll see each other tomorrow?” 

“Tomorrow would be best. See you, Bokuto-san.” 

With that, they part ways, tension still thick. Bokuto watches Akaashi walk away, heart heavy with a mix of concern and longing. He can't shake the feeling that he’s losing Akaashi, that he’s going to lose him over this and he's left grappling with a sense of helplessness. 

He made Akaashi cry. 

God, he’s terrible. 

What if their friendship’s never going to be the same?

The days following Akaashi's coming out and confession are filled with misery and unease. Their conversations are rare and shallow, Akaashi politely cutting them short every single time. They walk to class together but they’re not together at lunch, Akaashi is either studying in the library or sitting far away from him at their table. 

As Bokuto navigates through his day, his mind often wanders back to Akaashi. He worries silently, already missing his best friend.

He wants nothing more than for all of this to be over. 

For them to go back like they were. 

Everyone noticed. Of course, they did. They were inseparable and now they’re barely talking. Even their coach holds them back after practice to ask what’s up, even though practice goes surprisingly well.

Akaashi’s sets are easy to hit as usual and Bokuto tries everything to not let him down. Akaashi’s clearly not keen on people finding out that something happened.

Since the chat with the coach he’s talking a little more, as much as needed to keep people off his back. 

Bokuto pretends his heart doesn’t break every time. 

Sleeping doesn’t come as easy as it used to. The nights weigh heavily. More often than not, Bokuto lies in Kuroo’s living room on the couch, a blanket pulled tightly around him. He curls into a ball, clutching a pillow tightly to his chest. 

He doesn’t want to lose Akaashi. He really, really doesn’t want to. He can’t. 

One particular night, there’s a soft knock on the door. He freezes, staying rooted in place until Kenma peeks inside. Kenma's gaze flickers briefly toward Bokuto, his eyes catching a glimpse of his tear-streaked face. His usual nonchalant demeanor wavers for a moment, replaced by a glimmer of concern that lingers in his gaze. Without saying a word, he steps inside. 

Bokuto pulls the blanket over his head. He must look pathetic. 

Unbothered, Kenma takes a seat next to him. Silence hangs in the air, broken only by the soft sound of Bokuto's uneven breaths. Kenma, never one to use many words, searches for the right ones.

"Hey." His voice is soft, almost hesitant. 

Bokuto sticks his head out, reddened eyes meeting Kenma's. "Did I wake you?” 

Kenma shakes his hand. Bokuto's shoulders tremble as he tries to hold back another wave of tears. Kenma tentatively reaches out and places a hand on Bokuto's arm. 

“It's okay to hurt. You’re not alone in this.” 

"I know," Bokuto whispers, his voice choked with emotion. "I don't know what I'd do without you guys.” Kenma's lips quirk into a small smile, almost imperceptible. "You’d be pretty lost, huh? Don’t make yourself crazy, alright?”

“Can you make sure Akaashi’s alright? I know you talk sometimes.” Kenma’s expression softens. “I’ve already reached out to him.” Bokuto heaves a sigh of relief. “Is…Is he alright? Is he sleeping well?” 

Kenma’s lips curl upward. “He’s alright, hurt, but alright. He’ll survive. You will too.”

He wants to believe it, really, he does, but there’s a gaping hole in his chest. Akaashi’s distance leaves a void in his life, a painful one. He starts to notice a lot more little things about his best friend, things he used to take for granted like the way Akaashi smiles when he's genuinely happy, the sound of his soft laughter, the warmth of his touch when they used to high-five after a successful play.

He finds himself hyperaware of Akaashi's presence, always stealing glances at him when he thinks no one is looking. Bokuto recalls how he would always look for Akaashi in a crowded room, how he would seek his advice and approval, how much he cherished their late-night practices and how much Akaashi felt like home. 

“You okay?” Konoha asks, squeezing his shoulder. Bokuto merely hums, his skull pounding painfully. “You don’t look too good.” He snorts at that, gently rubbing his temple. “I can’t always look good, can I?” 

Konoha rolls his eyes, giving his shoulder another squeeze. “If you collapse again, I’m gonna have your head, got it? Just sit out.” 

“Alright, fine. Didn’t know you were so worried about me.” Yamato pinches his side. “Shut up, dumbass. Sit out. Of course, we’re worried.” 

Bokuto grins, about to make another pun when Akaashi walks up to him suddenly. “Have some of this, Bokuto-san. You haven’t eaten a lot today. It’s likely that your blood sugar’s low, which is causing the headache.

Bokuto blinks in surprise, momentarily taken aback by Akaashi's presence. Even more by his concern and the chocolate chip bar in his hand which is one of his favorite flavors. He hesitates for a moment before grabbing it, his fingers brushing against Akaashi's in a fleeting touch. "Thanks, Akaashi," he murmurs, unable to stop a smile. 

Akaashi offers a smile in return. "You're welcome, Bokuto-san.”

And that’s all it takes for Bokuto’s heart to soar. 

Kuroo’s the one to give Bokuto the final push. When he sees Bokuto sitting on a bench, half-heartedly bouncing a volleyball on the ground while staring off into the distance for the fifth time today his patience finally runs out.

"Oi, Koutarou," he starts, his tone laced with a mix of amusement and exasperation. "I've been watching you mope around for a while now. It's getting pretty pathetic, even for you."

Bokuto blinks clearly taken aback. “What…what are you saying?"

Kuroo plops down beside him, crossing his arms. "I’m saying you look pretty pathetic. What are you thinking about? Akaashi, again, huh? Come on, man. I've known you for years now. I know you’re slow, but not this fucking slow."

Bokuto still looks thoroughly confused. "I don't know what you're talking about."

Kuroo snorts. “You're totally whipped for Akaashi, man. That’s what I’m talking about.”

Bokuto's cheeks flush bright red, and he stammers, "I-I’m not? I…Am I?"

"For fuck’s sake, Bokuto, you practically light up whenever he's around. And don't think I haven't noticed how protective you get of him. Or do you wanna tell me there’s another reason why you were glaring daggers at Oikawa back at my apartment?” 

“But..but he’s my best friend—” Kuroo smacks the ball out of his hand. "Best friend, huh? Sure, keep telling yourself that. I thought you’d come to realize your fucking feelings by yourself, but you’re deeper in denial than I thought.” 

Bokuto’s hands feel clammy all of a sudden, a lump growing inside of his throat. “You know, man, you do look at Akaashi differently. You don’t look at Konoha or me the same way. You cling to his side, walk him home every night and jesus christ, you’re even walking him to his classes. You wouldn’t walk me there, would you?”

It dawns on Bokuto right then and there that maybe his feelings for Akaashi do run deeper than friendship. Bokuto's heart races as he considers the possibility. He's never been in love before, never even thought about it seriously.

“Can you imagine Akaashi being in a relationship?” 

Bokuto cringes at that, irritation swirling in his stomach. Kuroo cracks up. “Aha! My suspicions are confirmed. This is your jealous face!” 

Bokuto’s cheeks burn. “What? No, it’s not!” Kuroo laughs so hard that he nearly falls off the bench. “It is! You had that same fucking look on your face when Oikawa took him outside for ice cream—” 

“No! I didn’t—” Bokuto whines but it’s to no avail. “You were jealous, man. So, so fucking jealous. Admit it. You can’t imagine Akaashi being with someone other than yourself. God, you’re so dense.” The next thing to get hit is his head. “Stop it! I-I've never really thought about love and stuff like that."

As the truth sinks in and Bokuto's realization hits him like a ton of bricks, he can't help but feel a mix of excitement and frustration. How could he have been so oblivious to his own feelings all this time?

“Tell me, Bo. What is Akaashi to you?” 

Without hesitation, he says, “Home.” Bokuto’s heart races. “He…he’s like home.”

The words hang in the air, the weight of their meaning reverberating in Bokuto's chest. He locks eyes with Kuroo, the realization sinking in, and at that moment, they share an unspoken understanding. Kuroo's gaze speaks volumes and so does Bokuto’s.

Without uttering another word, Bokuto raises to his feet and sprints off. He knows he can't waste any more time. He has to find Akaashi.

Bokuto's heart is still racing in his chest as he races through the corridors, his feet pounding against the floor. He feels ridiculous, stupid and mostly guilty, regretting the pain he must have caused Akaashi just because he was so fucking blind.

He bursts through the doors of the library, his breath coming in ragged gasps. His eyes scan the room frantically, searching for a glimpse of Akaashi. And there, at one of the tables in the corner, Akaashi sits, engrossed in a book, his eyes hidden behind his glasses.

Keiji.

The person who has always been there for him, who understands him like no one else, the one person that truly feels like home.

Akaashi looks up, their gazes meet, and in that instant, Bokuto's heart skips a beat. The world around him seems to fade into the background.

His mind floods with memories of their time together—the countless practices, the late-night conversations, the shared laughter and tears. Every moment spent with Akaashi feels precious, and Bokuto realizes that his heart has been quietly falling in love with him all along. 

"Keiji," he breathes out. Akaashi’s lips part, surprise evident in his eyes as he takes in Bokuto's disheveled appearance and heaving chest. “Bokuto-san, is…is something wrong? Did something happen?”

For a moment, Bokuto can't find the right words. His mind is a whirlwind of thoughts and emotions. “I'm sorry," he finally says. "I'm sorry for being an idiot.” 

Akaashi frowns, setting his book back on the table. “What are you talking about?” Bokuto takes a step closer. He takes Akaashi's hand in his, interlacing their fingers, and his heart feels at peace. Akaashi’s breath catches in his throat. “Koutarou—” 

“I love you.” 

Akaashi can only stare. 

“Will you go out with me?” Akaashi’s eyes grow wide. “What?” 

Bokuto leans in, his lips capturing Akaashi's in a tender kiss. It’s brief, Akaashi barely getting a taste before Boktuo pulls away again. “I’m sorry! I didn’t…I didn’t even ask if I could kiss you,” he stutters, cheeks flushed.

Akaashi stares back at him, breathless and slightly dazed. His mind is racing, not nearly as fast as his heart but enough for him to feel a little unsteady on his feet. A few seconds pass. Then, Akaashi grabs Bokuto’s arm, pulling him back and connecting their lips again.

A surprised gasp spills from Bokuto's lips as Akaashi's hands glide up from Bokuto's chest, tracing the contours of his neck before finally tangling in the soft strands of his hair. His fingers grip the silky locks and pull Bokuto closer.

Bokuto's hands stay on Akaashi’s face and his thumbs brush along the edges of Akaashi's cheeks. 

When they pull again, they’re both breathless. Bokuto's voice is husky with emotion as he speaks, his hands still gently cradling Akaashi's face. "I-I’m so sorry, Keiji. I never meant to hurt you. I-I’m an idiot.” 

Akaashi chuckles, lips curling into a beautiful smile. One that Bokuto hasn’t seen in so long. “You’re not an idiot, Kou. You’re here now. Here with me.” 

And Bokuto swears, at that moment, that he’ll never leave.