Chapter Text
"Uh well, I just asked- well, really he asked, I guess," Guillermo awkwardly recounted, "about doing that. And I said, yeah sure, basically. That's it."
"Yeah, but he didn't just roll out of his crypt one day and decide to suck slayer dick all on his own," an audience member asserted.
"Uh," Guillermo began.
"You made him your bitch," Jace said, a statement the other slayers met with jeers and whoops.
"Hook us up bro, tell us how you did it," someone added.
"Well, vampire breaking is actually a pretty long and complicated process, and less exciting than you might expect," Guillermo hedged. His audience was not so easily dissuaded, however.
"Tell us!"
"Drop the tutorial bro."
"Yeah, we wanna know the dirty deets!"
Guillermo sighed through his teeth. Fortunately he had actually spent some time thinking through the logistics of his cover, of how one might engage in the care and keeping of a vampire pet. Just in case he was questioned further about it, obviously.
"Well okay, so, the first step is picking the right vampire to target. It had to be one who was in decent standing with the vampire community, but not so well known or socially active as to attract attention if he dropped off the radar for a few years. I wanted to have an older vampire, since they can survive longer between feedings, and one that wouldn't be a liability in battle."
"And also one who is very sexy," Nandor added in a less-than-private whisper.
"That wasn't really a requirement though," Guillermo specified, "more of a… coincidental bonus."
"A very nice bonus," Nandor preened.
"Once I'd identified my target," Guillermo continued, ignoring him, "I had to do a lot of preparation. I basically had to set up a whole dungeon. I had to get a silver cage, silver chains, silver rope, silver cuffs, silver shackles, silver-edged weapons," he counted out on his fingers. "Plus tons of salt for making barriers, holy water reserves, extra garlic powder, rosaries, crucifixes, whips and flails made of blessed leather… It takes a lot of pain to break a vampire's will."
Nandor groaned low in his throat at this, and a furtive glance downwards confirmed the vampire was definitely getting hard. The leather pants hid very little and, well, Nandor was endowed with a lot to hide. How could Guillermo have forgotten that his former Master was a total masochist? He decided to pivot to a hopefully less provocative topic.
"Another part of the process is depriving the vampire of its basic needs-- namely blood and sleep. Nandor can subsist on about a quarter cup of blood every-other-week. It took some experimenting to figure this out, and it varies from vampire to vampire. If they don't get enough blood for their metabolism they basically get so hungry that they can't actually follow orders or even understand you, and don't return to normal until after they feed. So you pretty much want to hold out until you can identify the exact point at which they become completely feral, and then proceed to feed them a little bit before that. Anyway, about half a cup of blood a month adds up when killing humans for it is out of the question, so I had to collect a reserve of human blood for Nandor. I used leftovers I found in other vampires' fridges after slaying them, plus some from the dumpster of my local blood bank. Again, that's why you want to go for an older vampire, five hundred years or more, since they'll be able to survive on minimal provisions."
(Neither Nandor nor the slayers seemed to be getting all that excited about this, which Guillermo considered a favorable sign.)
"Age doesn't really factor into sleep, though. Pretty much all vampires start to get loopy when they spend more than twenty hours awake. And not in a way that's helpful to the process. So that means I also had to get some of Nandor's native soil either directly after capturing him or ahead of time. If you know where a vampire's crypt is you'll be able to find their soil somewhere under their coffin, but you can go get some yourself if you know their country of origin."
"This shit's boring!" one of the brothers (Guillermo vaguely remembered his name as being 'Talon,' but ridiculously spelled, like Tolon or Tallyn) heckled. "Get to the good parts."
"Yes, Guill- Master, I think you should get to the good parts," Nandor said.
"I'm getting there," Guillermo grumbled aside at him before returning his attention to their audience. "Once I got all of my supplies I then had to capture him alive, without any other vampires or familiars noticing, and secure him in my dungeon so that he couldn't escape or fight back. And then came the, well, actual torture part. But, I mean, we're all slayers here. I'm sure it's not hard for you to imagine ways of torturing a vampire. But I can't really think of anything specific to tell you about-"
"Tell them how you chained me to a big X," Nandor suggested eagerly, "with my arms and legs all spread out, exposed. Helpless to avoid your wrath. I was naked, also," he added.
Guillermo's face was suddenly starting to feel warm. "I'm not sure if they need that level of detail -"
"You had cut my clothings off of my body with a silver dagger," the vampire continued with evident enthusiasm. "Slowly. While taunting me for falling to you in battle. Saying you would crush my will, conquer my body, and make of me your bedwife and devoted slave."
"Sure, yeah, I guess I, did some of that also," Guillermo muttered, grateful that his complexion kept his blushing from being glaringly obvious. "But I'm pretty sure I said I was going to be the one answering questions here."
"I am not answering, I am simply reminding you of important points to cover," Nandor insisted. "Such as, for example, the absolutely devious treatment to which you subjected my nipples-"
"You know," a voice from the crowd called out, "he seems kinda fucking psyched about this shit. Pretty sus, if you ask me."
Mutters of agreement followed this assertion.
"Yeah, if that shit was supposed to be torture, why is he getting so cranked?" another slayer asked.
"That's just because he's recounting it now," Guillermo hurriedly asserted. "It, uh, turned out that the process of breaking him into an obedient pet also happened to have a secondary effect of turning him into a masochist."
"Yes, I am a big slut for the pain," Nandor agreed.
"Now he is," the human emphasized. "At the time, he wasn't enjoying it."
"Yes, at the past times I was saying 'How Dare You Flog My Penis And Testicles Like They Are A Stubborn Donkey' and the suchlike." Nandor confirmed, at least following Guillermo's lead. "But now I am saying 'Yes Master, Slay My Genitalias Harder' etcetera."
Guillermo's face was so flushed that he would have assumed it impossible for the rest of his body to scrape together enough spare blood to give him a half chub. And yet.
The human decided he should probably sit down before his boner became completely obvious. He stepped surreptitiously to his left, taking a seat on the frat's ratty couch, while Nandor remained tall and proud and clearly not at all self-conscious about his own erection.
"If he's that much of a masochist, what kind of fucked up shit do you have to do to punish him now?" one member of the audience asked.
"Probably steps on his dick or kicks him in the balls or something," another suggested.
"Maybe shoves some garlic up his ass."
"Probably makes him lick the mud off his boots," one chortled.
"These are all very good ideas," Nandor agreed eagerly. "Except perhaps the boot one, that is a bit unhygienic. And I think that boot dirt counts as human food, as I believe I have seen peasants eat mud before, so I could vomit quite a large amount if I tried that. And then that is, you know, a whole of another problem."
"See, this is the issue,” Guillermo sighed. “Most of the stuff you're describing is stuff he enjoys."
"So how the hell do you discipline him, then?" someone asked.
Guillermo had predicted this sort of question might come up, but he had kind of been hoping Nandor would be less of a blatant masochist so he could just say he sprays him with holy water or something. Unfortunately that was no longer an option, so he was going to have to improvise a plan B.
"...That actually took a while to figure out," he began, stalling for time. "I had assumed, at first, that I could just continue to use the same methods of torture to discourage disobedience during training. But then when I actually tried to punish him by, say, whipping him with silver ropes and chains until his skin flayed off, he'd just end up coming in his pants."
Nandor made a low noise of desire at this, pointedly drawing his cape back to ensure the prominent outline of his erection was on full display. Guillermo thought of stage curtains parting to frame a preening primadona spotlighted at center stage. Ok, so Nandor clearly liked that idea. The human tried to ignore the fact that his brain was definitely squirreling that information away for later, instead returning his focus to the discussion at hand.
"For a while I just used soil and blood deprivation-- vampire blood, of course, because he was off the human stuff by then. And I still do that occasionally, but one of the main things that incentivizes obedience nowadays is Nandor knowing that, uh," Guillermo dithered a moment longer before deciding that he was already in for a penny and he might as well go in for a pound, "well, that if he isn't good, he doesn't get to, uh, come."
There was a mass intake of breath from their audience that seemed to suggest that this, of all things, might be a bit too much for them. Then a low appreciative whistle sounded.
"Damn. Giving it blue balls. Shit's devious," Jace remarked. The laughter and whoops that followed this statement suggested that this sort of deviousness definitely had the approval of the fraternity members.
"How do you keep him from coming on his own time though?” someone asked. “Won't he just beat off his own bat dick when you're away?"
"Well, uh, there's a… device,” Guillermo began, for once glad to be familiar with a wide variety of sex toys and accessories thanks to Laszlo and Nadja, “a kind of cage that you can put on someone's junk to uh, pretty effectively keep them from ejaculating."
"Shit! Got him locked up in a silver cock cage like a fucking cuck. Man you're sick," a voice cackled. "Respect."
"I mean, not completely silver, I don't want to burn his dick off,” Guillermo noted. “But the locking parts at least are, so he can't remove it."
"We gotta see that shit bro," a member of the audience chortled.
"Yeah, show us the cuck cage!" another cheered.
"Well, he doesn't have it on now.” Guillermo fumbled briefly for a reason this might be so. “I've been… having him do some undercover work recently figuring out when and where the next biannual orgy is going to be hosted, which involves attending a number of more local orgies, and a silver c- uh, chastity cage, would raise too many questions in those settings," he covered. “When he can't plausibly avoid participating, he just tells the other vampires that he's edging himself in preparation for the orgy.” Guillermo noted proudly that he was actually getting kind of good at improvising. At least he thought he was. "But believe it or not, when it comes to punishment it's actually usually most effective to uh, to ignore him," he added.
Nandor's noise was of affront now, but Guillermo paid it little mind, seeing a chance to steer the conversation into less sexual territory. "He really, really likes attention," the slayer noted. "Basically lives for it. He hates being disregarded. So for minor things it can be enough just to uh, tell him he's been bad and that I'm very disappointed with him. And then just, not talk to him for an hour."
"This is a lot of talk about punishing me," Nandor griped, turning towards Guillermo and crossing his arms. "I thought that this was going to be a fun thing, like last time."
"It still can be, if you behave yourself," the human answered tersely. It wasn't lost on him that Nandor had become unhappy with the topic of punishment as soon as Guillermo mentioned depriving him of attention. "But you're right that we've already spent a significant amount of time on punishment. What else do you guys want to know?"
"I got a question,” one of the brothers called out. “How do you know when a vamp is broken? And not like, faking it to get your guard down so they can bite your dick off?"
Guillermo considered letting the other slayers in on the fact that vampires, as a rule, were pretty bad liars. They did lie, of course, but said lies very rarely withstood basic scrutiny or even the barest of follow up questions. The only vampire he'd ever met who seemed to be able to lie in any convincing manner was Simon the Devious-- a capability so remarkable amongst vampires that he was titled after it.
That answer, however, was kind of boring and would probably undermine his mystique and the significance of his achievement. He didn't want the other humans thinking that breaking a vampire was an easy feat.
"Well, there's really no hard and fast rule for that,” he bluffed instead. “I imagine it depends from vampire to vampire. Actually…” he hesitated, looking over at his former Master and wondering if it was actually safe to toss him the baton, as it were, “this is an area where Nandor's perspective could be helpful. What would you say, Nandor, was your uh, breaking point?"