Chapter Text
Guillermo shut the door. Guillermo locked the door. Guillermo checked that the door was, in fact, currently locked. Guillermo checked that he was, in fact, alone in the second floor bathroom of the brownstone that served as the headquarters of the New York branch of the Fraternal Order of Vampire Slayers. Guillermo checked the lock again, just to be sure.
The human turned the water on at full blast, angling the decrepit shower head so that its spray hit the tiled wall with as loud a sound as possible, and called Nandor’s cell phone.
"I thought you forbid me to return," Nandor teased once Guillermo had filled him in on the basics. The vampire sounded smug. Too smug.
"Yeah well, after what happened two nights ago the news about my, my "Pet Vampire,"" Guillermo muttered, feeling his face heat at the memory, "kind of spread like wildfire, and now everyone wants to see you for themselves."
"They"re all a bunch of perverts," Nandor sneered, his affected, superficial disapproval entirely undermined by the undercurrent of giddy delight permeating his tone.
"Yeah, apparently the line between vampire slayers and vampire fetishists is even blurrier than I’d realized," the human muttered.
"Well, you would know," Nandor taunted with a snort of amusement. Way too smug.
"Anyway, you"re probably right," Guillermo sighed. "I should just call it a wash, pack up my stuff and make an excuse to leave."
"What?!" Nandor squacked in indignation. "No! Absolutely do not do that! This is important work you are doing, the integrating!"
"Infiltrating."
"Exactly as I said," Nandor insisted. "Your success in this endeavor, it is a matter of life and death for us, is it not? I cannot allow things to fall through, no no. If it is so needed for your initiating, I will come down there to you and suck your cock most thoroughly in front of all of your vampire slaying friends. That is an order."
Guillermo was pretty sure Nandor had not actually ordered him to do anything. Well, he supposed the vampire might have been issuing orders to his own self.
This was all a lot to process, especially when he"d spent the last few days refusing to process anything that had happened. Nandor certainly hadn"t seemed inclined to give it a second thought once they"d performed to the satisfaction of the vampire hunters. He"d immediately started complaining about his phone again like absolutely nothing of significance had happened. And yeah, maybe to Nandor nothing had, but it had kind of been a big deal to Guillermo. And it was probably not a great idea to let something like that happen a second time until they were at least on the same page about what it meant-- or didn"t mean.
"You, you probably won"t have to-"
"Do you think I should wear my slutty cape?" Nandor asked.
"Y- wait, your-?" Guillermo blinked. "Which one is your slutty cape?"
"The one that only goes down to my calves, obviously. Have you forgotten my wardrobe already?"
"Of course not, Mas- Nandor." He definitely absolutely had not forgotten about Nandor"s wardrobe, but he was positive that Nandor had never called that particular article of clothing his slutty cape before. Guillermo supposed it posed less of a tripping hazard than his other capes, at least. And wouldn"t be as much trouble to clean. "Sure, fine, wear the slutty cape."
"Great," the vampire said with breathy excitement. "What else should I wear?"
"Just wear whatever, it doesn"t matter." Guillermo muttered, face flushed.
"Guillermo! It is very much important that I am looking the utmost degree of sexy for this meeting," Nandor insisted. "Your human colleagues need to believe that I am dressed solely for your carnal delight. It is a vital component of the mission. You must choose the outfit."
"Nandor-"
"I command you," he added petulantly.
Guillermo sighed. Leave it to Nandor to make work for him even under these circumstances. But he would be lying if he said it didn"t send a little thrill up his spine to think about dressing Nandor up like his own personal vampire Malibu Ken doll. Transylvanian Vlad doll? Oh God, what the fuck had his life come to? He used to work at Panera Bread, for fucks sake. He inhaled, then exhaled.
"Uh, okay. So you know those, those leather breeches you have? The tight ones, with all the lacing…?"