Chapter Text
Dear readers, there are many things that one may never find the answer to, things like.. who came first the egg or the chiken? are we truly the only intellegent life form in this universe? Will you ever find a lover? Did #Light Yagami did nothing wrong or did #light Yagami did everything wrong? Is Trump really gay for Joe Biden or are the liberals and conservatives collectively going crazy due to the lack of good options? How did Dokja unite with Heewon after coming back from hell, and was it violent?
today I will answer one of those questions for you
Trump really is gay for Joe Biden
***
You see, it all started when Kim Dokja started a cult and declared himself the God of the new world, offending many people in the process, including Jesus, Allah and many more
'what? What is going on?' I hear you asking, to that I would like to say: 'haha'
After his stint in hell he was promptly thrown back out to the earth crust along with his trusty, handy dandy all purpose friend Yoo Sangha(essential for all fun, murder and arson activities).. oh and that cute kid he forgot to ask the name of too.
But he wasn't thrown to just any random spot, he was thrown back to Gum ho station, right where he died, with special effects of hell fire and everything.
[Constellation 'abyssal black flame dragon' is grudgingly impressed by your style]
Everyone was staring, and by that I mean everyone, even the Dokkebi in the area had come out just to stare, did this make them a bunch of nosy fuckers? Yes, was it justified? Also yes.
For, I don't know about you dear readers, but if someone had killed themselves gay Romeo and Juliet style in front of me and then came back to life the same week, means of transportation: fire, I would never shut up about it, it would be the only ever conversation I will ever have with someone.
Now, there are many a things one can do in this situation, so many things! One can start dancing hoola while singing a pitbull song to confuse people beyond belief, they can start reciting the Bible backwards to instill fear in the minds of those gathered.. they can even declare their new 'bro' status with god and how 'he just let me go after a glass of beer, bro stuff you know?' and how 'he's totally the best bro to ever bro, you get me bro?'
But these are the reactions that a relatively sane person would have, which Kim Dokja was not, so he took on a dramatic pose and extended his hand towards the crowd with a very loving and graceful expression that was 30% love for humanity, 40% sugar, spice and everything nice, 20% 'I have too high a thought process for you mortals to understand' and 10% pain
How did he make such a complicated expression? Who knows
And humanity being literally and figuratively doomed as it is, soon a man in the crowd spoke up in a very confused, very trembling, very sincere voice "...Jesus?"
Sangha, being the Queen that she was immediately took three steps away from Dokja along with Gilyoung, not wanting to be involved in whatever this was, instincts of her years that were spent with Kim Dokja let's say..
Kim Dokja, being the not so sane person that he was, just smiled at the man very lovingly, "..my child you are almost right.. but also, not quite"
Now at this point some people started being a little confused, a little flabbergasted and a little 'what the fuck is going on??' and 'is this for real?' and 'why would Jesus kiss a guy? Isn't he homophobic?' and 'who knows? Maybe he was saying 'ah! Men', instead of amen all along?' and 'I don't remember Jesus being asian?'
All there very reasonable questions were of course ignored as Kim Dokja chuckled and started talking again, "...I am not Jesus, but I am indeed him, just like how I am not Allah, Krishna or Buddha.. but I am indeed them.. throughout the years I have been called many things and have been known by many names.. and today, I have finally come back to this earth again!" Kim Dokja said with a flourish, a man could be heard ugly sobbing in the background, ignore him, he's just getting a bit emotional(or maybe Kim Dokja accidentally shot a skill at him while flicking his wrist, we would never know).
What is going on inside Kim Dokja's mind right now? Who knows
[Constellation 'Secretive plotter' is questioning incarnation 'Kim Dokja's sanity]
As always Secretive plotter was the voice of reason, and one should truly be questioning Kim Dokja's sanity right now, afterall not even Yoo Joonghyuk has ever been able to offend four myth grade constellations in a single sitting.
[Constellation 'God of peace and destruction' is wondering if seeking death has become a trend these days]
[Constellation 'Scribe of heaven' is sighing]
[Constellation 'Scribe of heaven' is saying that 'isn't it too early in the scenarios for a holy war?']
[Constellation 'abyssal black flame dragon' is excited upon hearing the words 'holy war']
[Constellation 'prisoner of the golden headband' is crackling]
Kim Dokja of course continued to ignore them in favour of spouting bullshit, "whenever the world needs me, I have appeared to grant them peace, and today.. I am here again, and my current name is Kim Dokja! And I have come back to you in fire and blood!"
[Story 'yes, I was always God' is starting to bloom]
The gullible people in the crowd started cheering upon his dramatical declaration, which was.. mostly everyone in the station
That single person who softly murmured, "doesn't that sound like a line from game of thrones?" Was never paid any attention
"And, as one of my previous forms.. Vukul Krishna said, 'I shall rule the world in fire once I return'!"
The crowd cheered even more
[Story 'yes, I was always God' is singing]
Now, dear readers, for those of you who don't know this, Krishna never said that, his name isn't even 'Vukul Krishna' infact, it's 'Vasudev Krishna'
Dokja's claims had many holes, but so did the internet so it's not like any of they could Google it, so most of the gullible dumbasses decided 'huh, I didn't know Krishna had a first name' and went along with it and the rest of the gullible dumbasses decided, 'huh, those guys are cheering so what he said is probably right' and they started cheering too, apparently ready to spread the message of God in fire.. or something
And this is how the cult of Kim Dokja was formed.
***
[Constellation 'God of preservation' is speechless at the sheer audacity of this kid]
[Constellation 'God of preservation' is contemplating whether he should be amused or strike down incarnation 'Kim Dokja']
[Constellation 'last prophet of God' is nodding along calmly]
[Constellation 'God of preservation' says that 'I have never been insulted like this in the entire month!']
[Constellation 'last prophet of God' is nodding calmly]
[Constellation 'God of preservation' says that 'young man, you should apologise to your elders when you beseech their honour!']
[Constellation 'last prophet of God' is nodding calmly]
[Constellation 'God of preservation' is urging incarnation 'Kim Dokja' to reply to his very serious, very brutal and very important claims]
[Constellation 'last prophet of God' is nodding calmly]
Kim Dokja just decided to ignore the new additions to his channel, they have been there since three days ago when Kim Dokja started a cult out of the goodness of his heart.
Now, Yoo Sangha will tell you that Dokja got bored of said cult within half a day and left the station to find his gall pall Heewon, who had apparently left just after his death, and dragged her along, she would be wrong, don't listen to her, she's on her period and is too delirious to know what she's talking about
Kim Dokja isn't bored of his cult, he's just taking a break from their relationship, he's setting up boundaries.
[Constellation 'God of preservation' is saying that, 'I might just play a prank on you if you don't answer']
[Constellation 'last prophet of God' is nodding calmly]
[Constellation 'demon like judge of fire' is wondering if all constellation 'last prophet of God' does is nod calmly..]
[Constellation 'last prophet of God' is nodding calmly]
"...alright, what is it?" Kim Dokja asked the screen
[Constellation 'God of preservation' is saying that 'you have sullied my honour, how do you plan to compensate me?']
Kim Dokja started at the message for a while, then thought about it, the truth is, he's probably the richest incarnation on the planet right now, so he can infact 'compensate' this constellation, but the thing is.. "I don't wanna"
[Constellation 'God of preservation' is wondering if he should strike you down]
[Constellation 'last prophet of God' is nodding calmly]
[Constellation 'God of peace and destruction' is telling constellation 'God of preservation' to calm their tits]
[Constellation 'God of preservation' is gasping while clutching at his chest]
[Constellation 'God of preservation' is saying 'how dare you']
[Constellation 'God of preservation' is saying that 'I am a married man!']
[Constellation 'God of peace and destruction' says that he's married too]
[Constellation 'God of preservation' is saying that 'I am a father!']
[Constellation 'God of peace and destruction' says that he's a father too]
[Constellation 'God of preservation' is saying "how dare you talk about my very shapely, very soft, very voluptuous tits?!']
[Constellation 'God of peace and destruction' is sighing]
[Constellation 'God of preservation' is saying 'was our bromance of forever just a lie?! Were you just going after my body!?']
Kim Dokja as always, decided to ignore his growing collection of constellations in favour of continuing his epic quest to search for his arsonist bro.