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“Hark! For I has’t risen from my slumber. Praise be to me!” Ren proclaimed as he stepped out of this room. He was met with silence as he looked down the hall. All he saw was a small sliver of the kitchen in which Etho sat with a bowl of cereal.
“Sup.” He nodded before turning back to his cereal.
“Dude, where’s BDubs? He’s always up before me.”
“Um … I think he went out for a run. Said he was tired of waiting.” Etho yawned before returning back to his cereal. “You got an audition today that makes you want to practice your Shakespeare?”
“No.” Ren folded his arms in protest. “That is always how I greet my Royal Subjects in the morning.”
“You’re not king though. You’re a theater major living in the city working a Secretary job at Gigacorp to help pay the bills.”
“BDubs declared it so and thus, I rule this land in the name of Ren the King.”
Etho rolled his eyes. “How can BDubs make you king? And King of what?”
“King of … this apartment.” Ren puffed out his chest trying to make himself appear more confident. “His name is first on the lease and thus he shall dictate who shall rule in his stead should he choose not to. And he bestowed that honor to me.”
“I’m declaring my room and the bathroom an independent nation.” Etho shot back.
“Is thou choosing to rebel against your honorable leader?” Ren gasped, as BDubs walked back in with a plant. He smiled around it at his roommates.
“I haven’t named her yet but she’s an Aralia Fabian and she’s going over by LuLu.” He smiled, seemingly ignoring how Ren had half his body over the table trying to intimidate Etho in a starring contest. Etho was both winning and didn’t realize this was happening.
“B of the Double O, please do explain to our lovely roommate here how I have been appointed to reign over the apartment.” Ren asked, bowing to BDubs as he did.
“I’m going to get Cleo to overthrow you.” Etho stated.
“ETHO NO!” Bdubs called out. “And yes, of course your highness. Our schedules have simply not aligned to inform him of your coronation.”
“I’m offended that neither of you guys invited me to Ren’s Coronation.”
“Listen it wasn’t like a red carpet thing it was more … going down to the basement and signing his name onto the lease officially.”
“So … why is he king and I’m just the other guy on the lease you occasionally spit with a blurry photograph?”
“BECAUSE …. I said so.” BDubs puffed up his chest as if to assort his authority despite being 5’9” when both his roommates were over 6’. “Plus you don’t like spotlight and stuff.”
“I really don’t, no. I would have appreciated being asked.”
“Oh Humble Etho, would like to join as a member of the royal court as a humble advisor to me, King RenDog?” Ren offered. He bowed and held his hand up to Etho in a fist. “Bump thy hand to confirm it so.”
“I just wanted to eat my cereal.” Etho sighed. “And I’ll pass on joining your study group or whatever.”
“I’ll have you know that my ‘Royal study group’ that you so reject contains the very person you wanted to hire to overthrow me.” Ren smiled smugly as Etho scooted his chair slightly away from him.
“I’m really not joining your group now.” Etho shuddered.
“Are you sure, Etho?” BDubs said, pouting right up against his roommate. “There’s a lot of advantages to pledging your loyalty to the king.”
“Like ..?” BDubs was silent as the gears turned in his head trying to figure out a response.
“Extra help with entertainment and food each month from the Royal Treasury.” Ren finally answered. “Graciously contributed by other members of the Royal Court.”
“That I usually don’t go to because I work Nigh Shift.” Etho pointed out as he rose from the table. “Not joining your boyband, I’m going to sleep.”
“Fine. You want anything from Starbucks at least?”
“A Caramel Macchiato!” BDubs chimed in.
“My sense of dignity back?” Etho asked.
Bdubs stole a glance at Etho, who shrugged in response, before looking back at Ren. “Two Caramel Macchiatos.”
“You got it, dudes. See you in a bit.” Ren shot off two finger guns before leaving to get caffeine.
“How long is this King Thing going to last?” Etho asked.
“Until 21 years after the death of his Royal highness King RenDog, first of his name.”
“So until I find a new apartment.”
“What?”
“Goodnight, BDubs.”