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Kafka loves the arts, loves colors. From the abstract quirks of museum paintings to the soothing melodies created by orchestras she dreamed to be a part of, she had always harbored an interest towards each and every form of art.
And as much as she likes seeing old concepts revolutionized, like restoring ancient paintings, she also enjoys the thrill of the unknown, trying to predict the next turn in events. Both factors served a purpose in bringing her to the decision to study astronomy, despite her obvious attraction towards art based majors.
As a diligent student in university, Kafka enjoys the organized order of her daily life. However, in times where she lies alone in her dorm room, she craves something new. Something that comes with a surprising twist, like the sudden rhythm changes of her favorite classical pieces. Kafka is in her second year of attending Belobog’s University of Astronomical Study when she meets someone who sets the train of her life down a course she would ever expect. Someone with dazzling red hair, and eyes brighter than the sun.
Kafka wakes up from a mediocre night of sleep to the perpetually irritated voice of her roommate. “Wake your flop ass up before you miss Mr. Welt’s quantum mechanics exam! It’s so game over for you.”
Kafka groans audibly, not pleased with being woken up. “Silver Wolf, did you finally go through your development arc overnight? You never cared about grades, just hacking and your stupid Fortnite games you can never win.”
This is the straw that broke the camel’s back, and she knows it. The benefits of living with the mess that is Silver Wolf comes in entertainment. Their exchanges often end in arguments over petty topics, but both parties seem to enjoy it, to an extent. And although they tend to spit halfhearted insults at each other regularly, the two friends share a deep understanding of the other, always able to read the room.
Kafka is glad she has someone interesting and fun like Silver Wolf in her life, or she thinks she would seriously have gone mad with boredom by now. She finds that teasing her roommate and best friend is a refreshing change from her otherwise bland student life.
Speaking of teasing, she hears Silver Wolf let out an enraged noise almost akin to a growl, then her roommate proceeds to holler, “I hope you get run over! By a nine year old driving a pink electric Barbie car!”
Kafka lets out a quiet snicker, then turns to get dressed for her first class. As a financially unstable university student, she only has so much to wear. That being said, she would definitely have a considerably greater wardrobe if she hadn’t spent all her spare money buying designer coats(but who can possibly blame her when each one looks so flattering on her?).
She puts on the most socially acceptable magenta crop top she can find with her favorite pair of baggy black slacks, and steps into the washroom. She is met with the image of her own ghastly face, looking like she hasn’t slept in days(which wouldn’t actually be entirely false). The day has barely even started, and she already feels like flopping back in bed and passing out.
It takes her just shy of half an hour attempting to fix up her appearance with all the skincare and makeup she had available to her, and ends up looking a little less like a bear coming out of hibernation. When she finally emerges from the washroom, her exam is starting in 10 minutes. Despite not having the best reputation among her peers, Kafka is a top student and plans to keep it that way. She hurriedly picks up her leftover coffee(that had cost her 20 strales, Aeons forbid) and yells a quick “Adios, Wolfie!” to her roommate. She dashes straight out the door onto campus, heading for the first class of the day.
When she arrives, the hallways are bustling with tired students making their way to wherever they need to be at 9:00 in the morning. Kafka makes it to her class with just a couple minutes to spare, thank the heavens for her adequate sense of direction. She enters and takes a seat, her usual spot at the left in the second row from the front, where an empty desk is positioned before her. She likes this spot in particular, giving her a good view of the professor without getting too close and possibly obstructing her view of the lesson.
As she settles into her seat, her professor trudges through the door, slightly leaning on his cane. Kafka swears he has never taken his hands off that ugly walking stick once in his life. Mr Welt hands out paper copies of the quantum mechanics exam the class is meant to take today, and Kafka grins upon flipping the papers around and scanning over the questions. As draining as it is studying at ungodly hours of the night, it pays off when Kafka takes her exams.
She has finished her exam and is triple checking her answers when she hears somebody barge through the door. She pays the noise no mind, and then she hears it. The most beautiful voice she had ever heard, apologizing profusely for being late to her first class. Kafka’s head shoots up immediately, and she feels herself inhale in awe when she sees the owner of that melodious voice. It’s a girl with red hair, golden eyes, and the prettiest face known to man. Her jaw slacks slightly, and then she catches herself and wonders just at which point she had turned so gay.
Mr Welt rises from his seat, and reassures the redhead that nothing is wrong, and it’s okay to have a little trouble on the first day. He proceeds to tell the girl, “As the exam is still going, you may take that empty seat, over at the left.”
Holy shit, I won today. Kafka thinks to herself. Don’t get her wrong, she’s seen many girls who would be considered conventionally attractive, but none like the one who just stumbled through the double doors of the classroom. Maybe Kafka has a little bias, as her favorite color has always been red. Either way, the entrance of this new woman immediately brings Kafka’s energy levels up, and suddenly she is the polar opposite of the half asleep self she dragged to class.
The pretty girl walks up to the desk in front of her, and their eyes meet briefly. Kafka jumps at the first opportunity, flashing a charming wink in her direction. The girl’s (Kafka decides to find out her name as soon as humanly possible) eyes widen slightly and her cheeks turn a light shade of red, just like her hair. Embarrassed, she sits down and quickly gets started writing her exam, even though she just arrived the same day(odd, but Kafka paid no mind to such unimportant details when a literal goddess was sitting before her).
Having done her exam already, Kafka spends the remainder of class staring in front of her, at the mystery girl’s gorgeous red curls of hair, tied up with an expensive looking hairpiece. She thinks over and over about their one tiny interaction from earlier, and Kafka wonders,
What if this pretty girl is the cure to my university student boredom? Things lately have been so, so uninteresting. Eat, sleep, class, repeat. I haven’t had any fun in months, Aeons.
Kafka can’t remember the last time she’d gone out, with a partner or with friends. Blade is always too busy brooding about some random guy who dumped him years back, and Silver Wolf could not be bothered to take her eyes off her monitor. Oh, and Kafka desperately needs to tease someone who doesn’t react by throwing an immediate tantrum(ahem ahem, Silver Wolf).
By the end of class, Kafka had made up her mind. She was determined to get this new girl’s name, tease her just a little to draw out a satisfying reaction, and maybe(just maybe) get to know her better. The last thought was rather random, something she would not have expected, and Kafka reminds herself that this is just a little plan. An attempt to spark up her rather boring and repetitive life, nothing more and nothing less.
Over the next couple days, Kafka dedicates a substantial amount of her time trying to dig up details about her new little “interest”, if you could call it that. She’d eavesdropped on just a couple conversations between other students, predominantly those of March, Stelle, and Dan Heng. The trio had gotten to know the girl(who’s name turned out to be Himeko), and they would chat frequently in the halls in between classes.
Kafka is walking through the halls, searching for a certain someone with red hair and golden eyes, when she hears the name of said person. She turns her head slowly, as naturally as she could execute, and sees March loudly trying to persuade Stelle to visit a nearby café.
“Seriously, the word is that they’ve got the best black coffee in the city! Himeko told me after our Math lecture, she works there. She’s there on weekends, and she makes at least four coffees a day with the coffee beans from employee benefits!” Kafka picks up a soft laugh, from Stelle.
“I didn’t know she was that reliant on coffee.. Himeko did mention how much she loved it, but four cups of pure caffeine every day? I can’t imagine how terrible her sleep schedule must be.”
March snorts. “At least she makes it to classes on time. Unlike someone, who’s weirdly obsessed with trash cans to the point that she missed an important exam because she was digging for Aeons know what!”
The pair start bickering, and Kafka takes it as her cue to stop listening. She grins to herself. So, Himeko works at a coffee shop on weekends? She checks her phone to confirm that it is in fact a Friday, and feels a plan starting to form in her head. As much as she hates to admit it, Kafka is thrilled to see what comes out of this.
Saturday rolls around a lot slower than usual, perhaps due to her anticipation. Kafka wakes up on her own, thank the Aeons Silver Wolf sleeps at 3:30 in the morning and is not awake. She yawns, content after finally getting a decent night of rest. She rushes into her closet, tossing various tops, sweatpants, skirts, you name it, all onto her bed. She lays them out, then spends about half an hour, give or take a couple minutes, trying to decide what would be best to wear.
Kafka takes note of the fact that she isn’t normally this indecisive; after all, decisions like these are miniscule in the bigger picture, and days like this don’t matter in the long run. So why does she feel nervous? What is there to feel nervous about, if this is just another fun game to her? Kafka berates herself, and after a long internal pep talk she settles on a white dress shirt that exposes her shoulders, tucked into black shorts and nylon stockings.
On the way out, she contemplates getting a gift. She pauses, and takes a minute to wonder why she would need to get something for somebody she has never spoken to. It’s not like they were on a date, that’s definitely not what Kafka thought of it as. Aeons, Himeko didn’t even know who she was and Kafka was certainly not looking for anything more than banter.
But no matter how hard she tries to shake these thoughts off, they continue to bug her all the way until she reaches the café Stelle and March had been talking about. The place looked rather impressive, not like the common commercialized beverage chains but more like a cozy morning coffee shop, known by few who aren’t locals. The place had a small hanging sign, with the words Navigator of the Stars printed in a neat capitalized font, and cute porch lights hanging from either side of the door.
It does its job giving her a good first impression, and she steps into a warm and welcoming atmosphere, quiet save for the faint sounds of coffee machines and baristas preparing drinks. Kafka’s eyes automatically scan the space for Himeko, and spots a head of red hair, burning brighter than the sun itself. With her back turned to the tables and windows, Kafka can see how focused Himeko is while serving her customers. She takes a seat, and waits in anticipation for a barista to come ask for her order(in an ideal world, it would be Himeko). She looks back at Himeko, still working diligently brewing coffee. Out of the blue, Kafka feels a trickle of incomprehensible jealousy towards the paper cup in the barista’s hands. It was just a piece of paper, what did it ever do to deserve the attention of someone as beaut-
She catches herself before she can finish the thought. Her mind wanders again. If the redhead had this much passion for something so minor, would she be this dedicated in a relati-
Kafka snaps back to reality. What is up with her today? She wonders if this is a secret side effect of a substantial amount of sleep. Is sleep overdose a thing, and did it happen to make her ten times more gay? She continues to zone out as she waits for a server.
After either a couple years or a few seconds(she can’t tell), a voice pulls Kafka from her thoughts. She looks up, and Himeko is standing in front of her, looking down with a friendly smile and a notepad in one hand. Kafka’s mind short-circuits for a split second, then spends another second or two processing the question she was meant to answer. Aeons, this is incredibly embarrassing.
Kafka is just about to answer when Himeko’s eyes widen with dubious recognition, and then she cuts her off.
“Hey, are you the one I sat in front of during that quantum mechanics exam?”. Himeko’s cheeks turn a light shade of red(Kafka stares; she knows she shouldn’t but she can’t help but find the woman ahead of her so, so adorable), and the redhead blurts, “Ack, sorry, I never got your name or anything. I’m Himeko.”
She laughs shyly, then throws a nervous smile in Kafka’s direction. Kafka has finally recovered from her tiny mental slip-up, and responds in a flirting manner. “Ah ah, no worries sunshine. The name’s Kafka, and it’s a pleasure to meet someone as stunning as you.”
Himeko’s jaw drops slightly, and her face turns the same shade as her hair. She stumbles over her words for a moment, and finally she settles on a professional approach. “Thank you-” She switches back to formalities, and continues. “Either way, what would you like to order today? We have a selection of finely ground coffees, such as our signature premium espresso, also offered in cold brew…” The barista before her goes off on a tangent about beverage options, and Kafka could not care less about that godforsaken menu.
She stares at Himeko as she talks and talks, like they’re in her own world. A tiny part of Kafka, one that she hasn’t paid attention to in years, hopes that she can listen to the sound of Himeko’s voice each and every day. The sleep really is driving her insane today, she’s sure.
“Anyways, we also have a selection of pastries to choose from, but I would always recommend a coffee! So, what will it be?” Himeko finally finishes, and looks Kafka in the eye with an expectant expression. This is when the latter realizes she has not heard a single word Himeko had said, and she goes with the last resort, with a little kick to it. “Oh, this is my first time at this café, so do you have any recommendations? I would love to try anything you brew, I have no doubt it’ll be any less delectable than the barista who made it.”
She watches as Himeko’s cheeks go red once again, and then the woman scrunches her face up into one of indignance. She takes a while, deep in thought, and then replies. “Alright, if that’s what you want. I’ll be back in a bit, with my personal favorite.” She smiles once again, then heads back towards the counter.
When Himeko returns, she brings with her a cup of black coffee with nothing added to it. She sets it in front of Kafka with an excited grin. “It’s my favorite, the classic black coffee! This one’s on the house because it’s your first time.”
Kafka smiles back flirtatiously and fixes her bangs. “Thank you, darling. Your kindness is appreciated, and I would love to repay you sometime.” She winks, then takes a sip.
The coffee… it’s… well, frankly, it’s horrible. Incredibly bitter, with no sign of milk or any sweetener. Kafka truly tried her best to like it, tried her best to love it. But in a desperate attempt to please the girl before her, she puts on her best smirk and perches her chin on a hand. “It’s rather lovely, I expected no less from you, gorgeous. Maybe even good enough to make me come back.”
The barista’s face lights up, and she beams from ear to ear. “I’m glad you liked it! I’ll get out of your hair now, enjoy the rest of it!” Himeko leaves before Kafka can say anything else. She thinks about calling out for her, but figures they definitely are not close enough for her to do that in a socially acceptable way.
Kafka ends up leaving the café, sick to her stomach of drinking whatever horrendous beverage had been served to her. She never thought there would be a day where she’d be a hair away from gagging and hopping up and down like a child at the same point in time.
Over the next couple weeks, Kafka visits the Navigator of the Stars each week without fail, striking up conversations with Himeko left and right. They discuss numerous topics, from university work to their personal hobbies. Kafka slips in sly compliments and flirts whenever possible, and Himeko always reacts the same way; with shock at first, and then it dissolves into another emotion. Embarrassment? Exasperation? Something else…? Kafka can’t tell if it’s the reality or if she’s hallucinating.
Finally, after about eight or nine visits to the café, Kafka works up the courage to ask for Himeko’s number. It goes extremely smoothly, and soon enough the pair are messaging each other every day, discussing everything and nothing at the same time.
Himeko cannot emphasize enough how much she depends on coffee to keep her going, but also takes time to express her interest towards the stars. Kafka takes all these pieces of the redhead’s identity, and spends her time piecing them together. Each new fact about Himeko feels exactly like a blessing to Kafka, even if she doesn’t exactly know why.
In the next couple weeks, she sees more sides of Himeko than she ever thought had existed; from her bashful yet outgoing energy to the serene charisma she gives off when focused, Kafka is always left on the edge, receiving more than she expects.
They rapidly fall into a sort of routine with each other. Having lunch between classes, working after school on their respective assignments, and chatting on weekends at the café where Himeko works.
It’s late on a Thursday night when Kafka has an unexpected revelation.
The two of them are messaging each other, discussing possible career choices they would’ve chosen if they’d decided against astronomy. Himeko, in character for her, expressed her wishes to open her own café, and more ambitiously, she dreamed of traveling outside the world. Despite them both studying astronomy, Kafka could easily tell who was more passionate about the topic. An idea comes to her, and Kafka spends a minute or two trying to word an invitation to go stargazing together(as friends, of course).
Kafka : Hey gorgeous, would you like to entertain my lonely self and accompany me to the stargazing laboratory? I’m sure you’d love to see it at least once, the moon tonight is so beautiful <3
Himeko : You never run out of pet names, do you? I wasn’t aware the university had one, even though it makes sense in hindsight. Of course I’d love to come with you :)
Kafka feels a jump in her heart at the message, and sends a quick reply stating that she’d be at Himeko’s dorm to pick her up in five minutes. She quickly puts on her prettiest top, and finishes off the look with a black coat with cobweb designs all over. She sets off for Himeko’s dorm, feeling giddy with just a hint of something else. A feeling she refuses to acknowledge.
As planned, Kafka picks Himeko up and she leads the way to the stargazing lab. They’re walking close to one another, and Kafka is made extremely aware of the short moments when their hands brush together. Himeko is wearing a white dress with a slit showing her thigh, and Kafka can’t help but stare(as discreetly as possible, she does not want to come off as a creep).
They arrive at the lab; a small room furnished with a telescope perched in front of a wide glass window, with a massive skylight above them. Around them were lots of cushions and beanbag chairs that contributed to the calm and relaxed atmosphere. Bookshelves filled with pieces of literature, predominantly about everything regarding space travel.
Kafka clicks her tongue in satisfaction, and begins to set everything up by stepping over to drag two cushions to the telescope. She looks back, expecting some help. Kafka is met with the sight of Himeko in all her beauty, looking up out of the skylight with impossible amounts of wonder in her eyes. The stars in the sky shine down on her, illuminating the woman with a godlike aura.
Oh. Himeko, have you always been this stunning? This time, Kafka doesn’t even try to dismiss the thought. Instead, she entertains it.
How I wish you’d look at this lonely, lovesick, absolutely whipped woman beside you with those same eyes. Aeon’s, I would do anything for that, at least once in my life.
She is snapped out of her trance when Himeko steps forward and engulfs her in a hug, whispering her appreciation into her ear. Kafka freezes at the contact, unintentionally focusing in on every sensation going through her body. When Himeko lets go, she immediately misses the warmth(she’s finally admitted it). She breaks the silence with a mischievous remark and a hand to Himeko’s cheek.
“No need to get all worked up sunshine, it was the least I could do after hearing with you ramble about this for the past seven weeks.” At that, Himeko’s face is tinted with red under the faint light, and she decides to ignore the comment and drag Kafka by the hand to the telescope.
They spend the next half hour or so mostly in silence, admiring the galaxy from afar. Himeko makes subconscious observations about the views, and Kafka revels in each word. Finally, after possibly viewing every angle of the sky available to them, Himeko speaks quietly.
“I’ve just realized, you never told me much about your own interests. At this point you know basically all of mine, but I haven’t even found out a single thing about you.” Kafka considers, biting her lip with a thoughtful expression. She doesn’t tend to share a lot about herself to anybody, but then again Kafka’s heart tells her to let everything out to the woman beside her.
Words nobody has ever heard from Kafka start spilling out from her lips.
“I.. I love clothing, and collecting coats in general. I’ve got a massive collection in my closet at the dorm. I love the arts. Visual, performing, practically anything with creativity involved. And sometimes, I have trouble recognizing and categorizing emotions.
When those times come, I take that feeling and associate it with a colour. For example, I feel calm, in the moment, and peaceful when I play my violin. There is no word in any language that does justice to that feeling, so I coined it Purple.” Himeko is looking at her with an impossible softness in her gaze, and Kafka feels like melting. Part of her wants to talk more, keep Himeko looking at her, but she’s run out of things to say. Kafka doesn’t exactly share these details with people on a daily basis, so evidently she had to improvise.
Himeko speaks up, like she can read Kafka’s mind. “I didn’t know you played violin. I used to love playing the piano, but I let it go for astronomy. Are you in some sort of band?”
“Actually, I’m the lead violinist, or the concertmaster for our university’s band.” Kafka replies.
“Maybe next semester, you can pay a visit to one of our concerts. Even better, I’d love to play a beautiful song just for a gorgeous girl like you someday.” She finishes with a genuine smile and a charming wink.
“Ahh, do you ever shut up?” Himeko, once again, is red in the face. She looks away and opts to glance at her phone, then lets out an adorable little gasp.
“Kafka, It’s two in the morning, and we have class tomorrow!” Himeko exclaims with a panicked look in Kafka’s way. “We have to get back.”
It seems their time is over, to Kafka’s disappointment. She heaves herself up and they gather their belongings before returning to the dormitories. They’ve just made it outside when the two women feel droplets on their faces. They gulp simultaneously as realization hits them both.
Kafka groans. “Of all times, why now?” Then she grabs Himeko by the hand and starts walking faster. “Come on, we don’t want you catching a cold now.”
She hears a soft snort behind her. Himeko grips onto her hand and increases her pace as the rain grows heavier, entertaining Kafka with a sarcastic reply. “I’m not a sick Victorian child, you know. A little rain won’t kill me.” Just as she finishes her sentence, Himeko sneezes and follows up with a shiver.
Kafka gives her a skeptical look, then stops in her tracks. Himeko sends an incredulous look her way, and is about to speak when Kafka starts to shimmy out of her jacket. She gets it off, then drapes it over Himeko’s shoulders.
Himeko is rendered speechless, and Kafka takes time to take her hand once again and continue running in the direction of her dorm. “The rain’s really bad,” Kafka yells. “How about you come with me to my dorm, it’s closer.” Himeko nods in agreement, and soon they step into the building. Kafka looks back at Himeko, and the redhead is about to express her gratitude when she sees the state Kafka is in.
The plum haired woman is soaked from head to toe, looking like a dripping wet cat. Himeko can’t help but let out a little giggle that soon turns into full blown laughter. Kafka watches, unimpressed as Himeko continues to holler at the sight of her. When Himeko calms down, Kafka says in a joking tone,
“How kind of you, darling. I’m considerate enough to lend you my jacket, then you laugh at me for getting drenched while you stand largely untouched.” Himeko blushes, then replies.
“Hey, you can’t blame me for laughing when you look like a sopping cat left in the rain.” Kafka snorts, then steps into her washroom and shuts the door.
“Whatever!” Himeko hears from the other side of the door. “You better not mention this to anyone though, you’re so lucky I was feeling nice. I’m going to take a shower, feel free to help yourself to anything in the kitchen.
Oh, you could always join me if you’d like, I get the feeling you’re into that sort of stuff.” Himeko is beyond flustered, she can basically see Kafka’s smug smirk as she showers. She blushes as she realizes she is in the middle of picturing her friend showering.
But were they friends? Himeko doesn’t think there is a word to describe whatever they had going on. She leans back, letting her back meet Kafka’s bed, and inhales.
It smells nice. It smells like her. I wouldn’t mind waking up like this… She presses her face into Kafka’s jacket, and drifts off to sleep.
Kafka steps out of the washroom to see Himeko, fast asleep on the bed cuddling her jacket. She stands in silence for a couple moments, taking in the sight before her. Then, she slowly walks over to where Himeko is lying, and pushes her bangs back, revealing her full face. Kafka smiles softly, then goes into her closet to look for a spare set of sheets. She lays it out on the floor, and lies herself down.
What is happening to me? She ponders, staring at the ceiling. I can’t describe this feeling, but I think I like it. I think I want it to last. Kafka has one final thought before dozing off:
Oh. I love her. I love Himeko.
The next morning, Himeko wakes up and Kafka is nowhere in sight. Memories of last night flood her brain, and she yelps, flustered upon realizing she was lying in Kafka’s bed. She can still smell the lavender perfume Kafka loves to use, and is almost tempted to stay in bed. But unfortunately for Himeko, she still needs to return Kafka’s coat, and she doesn’t want to just leave it in the dorm without a thank you.
Himeko gets up, already in her clothes from the previous day. She wonders if Kafka has had breakfast, and then whips up a quick plate of pancakes with the contents of Kafka’s fridge. Himeko leaves the pancakes on the table, and heads for the door. When she reaches for the door to go find Kafka, Himeko spots a little note, written in a neat cursive.
Good morning sunshine, apologies for the absence. I can’t afford to miss band practice this morning, but hopefully I will see you between classes.
- K
Himeko’s heart leaps seeing the message, Kafka had no business being this sweet. With a destination and determination to find the other woman, she sets course for the auditorium.
When Himeko arrives, the band is in the middle of playing a piece. It’s easy to spot Kafka in the masses, as she sits on the first chair. Here more than ever, Kafka looks in her element. She is calm, collected, and graceful with her movements as she plays the violin. Himeko remembers the offer from Kafka to play her a song, and she decides to bring it up when they talk.
She watches as the conductor finishes the song fluidly, and the group moves on to the next piece. Entranced and not wanting to disturb them, Himeko continues to watch with her eyes glued on a certain plum haired woman.
Before she knows it, practice is over. Kafka gently puts her violin back into its case, and bids farewell to her music professor.
Himeko should be awake by now, hopefully she’s seen the note I left for her.
She leaves the auditorium with a smile, mind full of Himeko, Himeko, and Himeko.
When she steps out, the very person who’s always on her mind greets her. It is a pleasant surprise, and Kafka smiles upon seeing her jacket in Himeko’s hands. Himeko returns her jacket, and expresses her appreciation for last night.
“Really, thank you for giving me the coat. Next time you stop by the café, I’d be beyond happy to make you your favorite black coffee, on the house!”
Kafka does her best to prevent a grimace of disgust, and forces a smile instead. “That would be lovely, no need to thank me. I wouldn’t want to be the indirect cause of your death, sweetheart.”
Himeko’s face goes back to exasperation. She goes with sarcasm and retorts, “And Kafka’s back again, my friends.” Himeko can’t get enough of their interactions, and you could call her an addict for it. It should surprise her, how Kafka makes her feel so, so high.
When Kafka returns home after school, she is met with the unexpected sight of her roommate, sitting at the table(although she is still playing games on her phone). Silver Wolf looks up from eating pancakes and makes a disgusted face. Kafka raises an eyebrow.
“Mm, why the long face? I’d love to hear what I did to cause that.”
Silver Wolf looks at her for a moment more, then declares,
“You are so, so whipped. Never thought I’d see the day.” Kafka blinks once. Twice. Then replies,
“What the fuck are you going on about?” Silver wolf snorts loudly, then goes, “Boo, I hate gay people. I can’t believe some lady has got you looking like an absolute cringefail girlflop.”
And just like that, Kafka is back to being evasive. “I’m afraid I have no clue what you’re talking about.” Her roommate proceeds to gesture at the pancakes in front of her.
“Stop playing stupid, we both know you didn’t make these. You would’ve burned the whole campus down trying. I heard you talking to someone else last night too, fruity ass.”
The gig was up, and Kafka sighs, defeated. “Fine, there’s somebody.” Silver wolf goads her on with an expectant look.
“Somebody that has nothing to do with you, so shove your head up your ass and go back to losing Fortnite games. What was that term you use so much? Skill issue?” Silver Wolf is visibly outraged, and she sticks a middle finger up at Kafka.
“Fuck you, I didn’t want to hear about your pathetic ass and your new girlfriend anyways.” She takes the plate of pancakes and stomps back into her room.
Kafka continues to visit Himeko, and Himeko continues to reciprocate with a warm welcome. It’s the end of the school year, and Kafka has never been so in love. For the first time in so long, she’s felt excitement when she wakes up in the morning. She dreams about a future, and has aspirations and motivations to keep going. Although she’s still too nervous to ask Himeko out, she’s trying her best.
The final weekend before final exams begin, Kafka visits the café one last time. As usual, Himeko greets her happily when she steps in, but she can feel a trace of hesitation that’s out of the ordinary for her little ray of sunshine. She sits down, and is surprised when Himeko sits down across from her instead of whipping up her usual black coffee(that she still dislikes, but drinks for Himeko’s sake).
“Hey, Kafka. I know the year is coming to an end, so I just wanted to have a little chat because I know we’re friends.” Himeko bites her lip and fidgets with her fingers, and suddenly Kafka isn’t so excited. “So, what is it you wanted to discuss?”
“I’ll be leaving the university after graduation.”
Kafka’s heart drops to her stomach, and suddenly everything is too much. She is painfully aware of her inability to form cohesive words, and ends up subconsciously stuttering out a single word.
“Why?”
Himeko looks at her, resigned.
“I accepted the invitation to pursue a higher degree, but I had already worked in a prominent astronomy company, so I don’t need the extra years of education. My contract with the school only lasts one year, so I’ll be on my own after graduation.”
Kafka doesn’t reply, there isn’t much to say. Her heart is hammering and it’s screaming at her to get up, embrace Himeko, kiss her, convince her to extend the contract somehow. But at the same time, she knows how much Himeko loves the stars.
She is fully conscious of Himeko’s dreams to pursue an astronomically related career, how dedicated she is to that sole purpose.
So instead of listening to her desperate heart, Kafka stands up and does her best to smile.
“Thanks for letting me know, sunshine. I know I probably should’ve seen this coming.” She hates that her voice is shaky, when she least wants to show emotion.
“Kafka, I’m sorry. We can.. We can still talk over text after graduation, but I’m going to be really busy for the next couple months.” Himeko looks miserable. Kafka has no doubt her attempt at neutrality has utterly failed, and her fight or flight instinct kicks in.
Kafka stands up, and puts a hand over Himeko’s. “It’s fine. This past semester has been amazing, really. Good luck, Himeko. See you for exams” Kafka smiles as hard as she possibly can, and walks out the door. Himeko is left looking out the window, watching Kafka disappear from view.
Exam week is the last time Kafka sees Himeko, and she decides she doesn’t want Himeko to leave with any regrets. At this point it doesn’t matter what she does, it’s highly likely she won’t ever see Himeko again after the semester ends. Nihilism has become her friend in times of distress, it seems.
The pair are in the library, studying for their respective exams. Kafka can’t focus, and Himeko isn’t doing much better. Finally, Kafka breaks the tension.
“What are you gonna do after grad?”
Are you ever going to see me again? Was what she wanted to say so badly. Himeko considers her question for a moment, then replies.
“I’m not too sure.. I don’t think I want to go back to the Astral Express, I find myself wanting something different now(something different, like you).
“Maybe we’ll even see each other again, after you graduate. Who knows what the stars have planned for me?” All she can do is hope, and hold on to this dying wish. She suddenly remembers a conversation between two souls under the stars in the night sky.
“You know, you never played a song as beautiful as I allegedly am for me.” She trails her fingers over the cover of her textbook, and thinks back to that night. A fresh wave of nostalgia hits them both, and before she can stop herself, Kafka whispers,
“Then maybe this can be a little consolation prize, sunshine.” Her eyes flick downwards, towards Himeko’s lips. Slowly, almost hesitantly, Himeko leans in and closes her eyes until their lips meet.
There’s nothing happy about the kiss. All the emotion that remains is filled with regret, longing, and an abyssal sadness and mourning over lost time. They part as the bell sounds, signaling their next exam.
Himeko gets up, squeezes Kafka’s hand tight, and leaves. Before she steps out the door, she looks back once more. Himeko’s mouth curves into a final smile, filled with adoration. It’s the last time they speak to one another, and a part of Kafka withers.
Graduation passes in a blur, and before she knows it Kafka is out of school for the summer. She sees Himeko one last time during graduation, when the latter is selected to give a speech. Himeko looks divine, she always has; She looks perfect, even as she leaves her love behind.
When Kafka returns to her dorm, everything is overwhelming. She’s never felt so isolated, with nobody to console her. She spends the next two hours or so getting drunk, in an attempt to drown out her thoughts. Somewhere between then and now, she’d begun writing. Writing letters that would never be sent, letters containing all the words she was too scared to say when they still had time.
She was a coward, and now she lives to regret every chance she didn’t take.
When she is too drunk to properly write, she collapses into her bed and looks out the window. She sees the night sky, filled with stars. Stars that each had its own story, stars that will burn bright then burn out. It’s ironic in a way, how her and Himeko’s story parallels that of the stars.
Kafka wonders where Himeko is, if she’s looking at the same stars, the same moon, and if they remind her of Kafka. A selfish part of her hopes they do, so her memory will be forever imprinted in Himeko’s mind.
The night after graduating from her second year of university, Kafka unearths a new emotion. Losing Himeko was blue; blue like she’d never known.
Himeko doesn’t message her. Perhaps Kafka isn’t the only coward between the two.
Two years later, Kafka finally graduates. She is on top of her class, solely because academics are the only thing she has been focusing on since Himeko’s departure. Kafka refuses to take that risk again, to find someone precious to her just to watch them walk away.
In Himeko’s absence, Kafka’s only piece of her was the emotions she left behind, emotions that haunt her day and night. On most days, Kafka feels dark gray. She missed Himeko so dearly; she hasn’t felt so alone since her parents passed.
It feels like darkness, swallowing her whole. In her dreams, she sees the light at the end of the tunnel fade, as she runs and runs but can never catch up.
In the two years that have passed since, Kafka created two new emotions for herself. Losing Himeko was blue, and missing her was dark gray. She felt that there was one color she’d missed, one that she didn’t want to acknowledge(she is scared, terrified of hurting herself again; terrified of admitting they had something more).
When graduation is over and it’s time for her to decide what path she’d like to take, Kafka decides the only way to go now was to find a job. Make it through her life, hope every day to see someone special, with vibrant red hair and dazzling golden eyes.
Kafka applies for an astronomical research job, at a moderate sized company. In a few days, they reply back with an email, inviting her for an interview after seeing her degree in astronomy.
Slightly nervous for her first career interview, Kafka makes her way to the designated building, approximately ten minutes early. It never hurts to arrive ahead of time, and she will stand by that until the end of time.
She walks up to the receptionist, an elderly woman with cute glasses. The woman notifies her interviewer of her arrival, and Kafka is informed that she can head straight to the visitor’s room, to meet her potential employer.
She makes her way to the room, as instructed by the receptionist, and knocks on the door. Once, nobody responds. Twice, still nothing. By three knocks, Kafka is getting restless. Had she knocked on the wrong door? Maybe the receptionist was wrong. Maybe-
The door opens, and Kafka sees red.
There's no way. Aeons, this cannot be true. If I wake up, I am going to find a way to kill each and every one of the gods in the sky.
A gasp is choked out of Kafka, and the woman in front of her does nothing but smile and laugh, tears in the corners of her eyes. Kafka doesn’t know what to say.
“H- Himeko? But.. but I.. wha-? This can’t..? Are- are you even real?” and then her sunshine wraps her in a hug, and she feels warmer than she ever has. They stay like that, both crying tears of pure joy. Himeko laughs shakily and whispers,
“What happened to those teasing remarks?” and then, with all the love in the damn world, “I promise you, with every fiber in my body, I’m real. You’re here, I’m here, we’re together.”
Kafka feels a new color. One she felt two years back, when she thought she had all the time in the world. Kafka is no longer a coward, and she meets this feeling head on, fearless.
Rays of morning light filter through the blinds, casting soft lines of brightness over two figures, cuddled together under a shared blanket.
Kafka blinks herself awake, and is met with the breathtaking view of her wife. She sighs quietly, in disbelief. Himeko; her wife. They’re married. Sometimes, she still can’t believe they made it out together.
She runs her fingers through red tresses, and inhales the scent of vanilla and rose. Himeko’s hair glows bright in the sunrise, perfectly fitting for the divine being she is.
And all of a sudden, a single word comes to mind. “Red.” Kafka murmurs.
Himeko’s beautiful golden eyes open slowly, and she plants a kiss on Kafka's forehead. “You think exceptionally loudly, my love.” Kafka laughs softly. Himeko can always tell what’s going through her mind, even when most cannot.
She kisses the love of her life back on the cheek in greeting. Kafka whispers fondly, with blissful realization.
“Loving you is red, burning red.”
end.