Chapter Text
The next day, Ana wakes up to the blistering wind. Cheeks pink, she sits up from her cot on the boat floor. Her eyes feel heavy, her face puffy from the amount of crying she had done the night before. Looking across the boat, she can see Jesper and Nina conversing on the ship’s edge. Rubbing the sleep from her eyes, she stands and makes her way towards them.
She can hear their whispering stop once she’s a few steps away. Nina turns to her and softly says, “Ana.”
Ana is pulled into a warm hug that shields her from the ocean winds. She feels like crying all over again.
Nina whispers into her hair, “Inej is fine. Hurt, but fine.”
Ana moves away from Nina and gives her a small smile.
Jesper puts a hand on her shoulder. “Let’s find you something to eat.”
The food was in packs under the deck, a few feet away from Inej. She and Jesper sit against the wall and eat the dried fruit and jerky that’s supposed to hold them over for the majority of their trip.
Once Ana has scarfed her food down, she pulls her knees to her chest. Without turning her eyes away from Inej’s form, she asks Jesper, “Has he been to visit her?”
She knew the answer before he responded, though. “No.”
“So he can put us in life threatening situations, but he can’t look at us when we’re hurt?”
She hears Jesper sigh. “You know how he is, Ana. He cares, but he’s terrible at showing it.”
She looks towards him. “Jesper.” She takes a deep breath before she continues. “Does he care? I thought I knew him. I thought that he was a good man behind all of his walls.” Every word comes out slowly, like she’s fighting herself to say them. She looks directly into Jesper’s eyes and says, “I was a fool, Jesper.”
Hours later, Ana is back on the top deck, reading the small book she was able to smuggle in her jacket. She hears the tapping before she sees his legs appear in front of her.
“Leave me alone, Brekker.”
His cane comes into view. The cane she found for him. The cane she stole for him.
“This isn’t a personal call. We’ll be landing soon” he hesitates and adds, “and Inej is awake.”
Though Nina told Kaz that she would relay the message to Ana, he wants to be the one to tell her. He wants to see the smile on her face. Not necessarily first, but at all. Kaz hasn’t seen her smile because of something he’s said in ages. He yearns to see the familiar tilt of her lips, the shining in her eyes when she looks towards him. But none of this happens. He watches as she dog ears her page, gets up, and makes her way below deck.