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Rain... tears the sky sheds for someone else, dancing on top of the paving stones. Soon, it will wash away the city's sadness.
_____
What had he brought himself into?
HE had been the one to end everything; the potential to bring Quadra X’s music to an international level, his dying wife’s life, his partnership with Yohei, and Quadra X itself. And eventually, he dissipated his passion in music, for it brought nothing but agony to him. A reminder to what had caused Tsubaki to succumb to a fate irreversible, and eventually made him feel alone in this world.
So why, on this rainy night, had he returned to this very place? And what had made him take a step further to the doorsteps of the very bar he had abandoned for a span of 2 years, to focus on heartless academia? And did he start to open up his heart to music again, considering he had heard the sound of piano playing from the inside?
One step closer, and he opened the door. The very door he had locked away from his heart.
There it was, all that he had left behind, waiting for him. Or rather, all the things abandoned, had been picked up and secured by the partner he probably had hurt the most, second from his own wife.
Yohei had kept everything safe.
Saimon, with tears in his eyes, finally accepted the hand that had waited for his return.
“Welcome back. Partner.”
____
“This is harder than I thought.” Saimon remarked. “It has been so long, I forgot how to sing”
“Can’t you just… rap it off? Like you always did back then?” Yohei sneered back at him.
“Haha” Saimon let out a soft laugh. “You mean ad lib? That would be going too fast. I’m better off writing lyrics first before rapping, and even then I am out of ideas.”
Putting aside the bar’s business (which is restarting its business decently considering the long time hiatus), the both of them had tried to rekindle the spark as a unit. Saimon was still haunted with guilt for having to break off Quadra X, and then simply wanting to restart again, and perhaps he was just lucky that Yohei happened to be the one not turning back on the legacy. But forget that guilt, now he has realized that his skills are a little rusty, and he’s the one who’s supposed to be the foundation, the Shura between them.
It was selfish of Saimon, to ask to make music again, only to not be able to perform like he used to. But they have convinced each other that they can take all the time needed. It took them about two years to reach the peak back then, they can take two, or twelve, or even twenty years, as long as they at least start with something.
“You’ll get the hang of it soon, Professor. Let’s keep trying.” Yohei attempted to give one of his very few ways to motivate his partner. Being his Yasha, his spirit is what most probably kept Quadra X still alive.
And the days go by where both of them tried to fix the cracks in their partnership.
____
Not everyday is sunny. Sometimes there would be thunderstorms.
“You know what, Saimon, let’s take a break for now.” Yohei prompted, while he moved away from the piano, probably out of frustration because it still didn’t work out, and went to the coffee machine and attempted to turn on that machine, only to press random buttons repeatedly with force. “This. Damn. Thing. COME ON! We need a cuppa!” Before any damage would occur, Saimon hurried and lended a hand, finally getting the machine to work.
“Yohei. Be gentle with it. Some things need time to work out” Saimon took a sip of a cup of warm mocha.
Frustrated, Yohei gulped on his drink and then chided. “Tsk. Maybe. It fixed itself faster than us as a unit.” those words slipped up without Yohei thinking.
CRASH!
The mug that held mocha slipped out of Saimon’s hand and broke into pieces.
“Yohei. I am TRYING! It has been years!” That was the very first time the elder of the two let emotions get to him.
And the other felt something inside himself snap “Well yeah? So am I! I had been trying, for two damn years, while you went away! When you BROKE IT OFF!”
He couldn’t deny it, it sucks when he had something or somebody that accepted him for who he was, only for a tragedy to occur and the other party ended up removing him just like that.
(it is the death of the flower that they both loved which had caused all of this, and none were at fault except for the damned Alter Trigger, yet…) perhaps due to frustration, he had wanted someone to blame. And he could only blame the one in front of him. Only to later realize that his words were hurting Saimon, AND himself.
“Yohei…" Saimon tried to speak, while holding his tears that were about to fall."You think I was HAPPY to end Quadra X and leave you? Every day was empty. Every time I even THOUGHT of music, I'd remember her! And the very last moments" and finally, as if an overflowing vessel that finally spilled, those tears rolled down his messy face. "And how music did not help her at all during those moments…"
When Saimon gets involved with music, he remembers Tsubaki. And not the best of memories.
The moments where he said goodbye to the love of his life.
Not a day went by where he wished he could turn back and stop Tsubaki from getting involved with the trials. They can find different ways to connect people with music, but not something that will hurt themselves. And if he could, he would've gone back and hunt every member of Alter Trigger for caring less about a human's life and more on results and meaningless profits.
“Saimon… I’m sorry”
“No, I should be sorry."
Hey.
" I’m sorry I left you."
Hey now. Stop that, Saimon.
" And sorry for not speaking with you about this. And sorry… For not making myself better enough as your partner-"
In an instant, Yohei went straight to Saimon and embraced him, one hand at the back of his head and the other on Saimon's back, to the position where his heart should be. The tension that came from their argument was still there, attempting to burn both of them to the ground, and this is probably a tiny step to cool it down.
"Hey, I was the one who went out of line for saying that. But I was hurt though… The both of us are hurt. You were more in pain. It was Tsubaki after all. She shouldn't be forgotten. She… She shouldn't have been gone." Now Yohei's the one holding back tears.
Saimon finally let out a wail, and held on to Yohei a little tighter. It wasn't fair for her to die for the sake of ambition.
And at that moment, Yohei laid his head onto Saimon's shoulder, and let his tears fall, and he sobbed "Saimon, ju-just don’t forget her. Don’t abandon her again. And- and don’t leave ME again. Not without a proper goodbye…"
For a while. The both of them stayed at this position and let their emotions flow. Maybe this is what should've been done back then instead of running away. They both needed an outlet for their overwhelming feelings, someone to support them. Even if they were vulnerable now. No words needed. Or perhaps, NOW was the right time to let it all spill, after they had spent some time alone.
Several minutes later, after the both of them had cried enough, Yohei finally braved himself to say something, in midst of hiccups, "And actually…" he released his hold from Saimon after the larger man let him loose. "I’ve had enough of apologies. All I wanted was to make music again. And to do that, I'll need my partner."
"Saimon… What do YOU want to do now?"
Saimon hesitated a little, and afterwards, wiping the tears from his eyes, he said, with a little determination, "Honestly… I want another chance to live with Tsubaki again, but that would be impossible. But her music is here, so… I want to start again, and for how long it will take, I hope both of us can go through it. I want to reach the top… With you. Yohei."
The words, like a confession, showed the strong determination this man had, in the midst of despair.
"We don't have to pretend she isn't here, Saimon. Her music is with us, so that means part of her is with us now. Let's work that out. For now." Yohei grabbed Saimon's hand, as if they're making an oath with each other.
"Sure, but first…" Saimon replied, while looking at the spilled drink, now dried up, with the shattered pieces of the mug, "We gotta clean this up."
"I’LL clean it up, you go make yourself a new drink." Yohei went to those pieces and picked them up, but pricked his fingers in the process.
"No. I’m the one who broke the mug. I'll clean it." with a damp fabric in one hand and a plastic bag in the other, Saimon's hands also went to the broken object.
Damn it.
"Well. Let's just pick up these pieces together."
_____
The road to recovery was never easy to begin with, but at least hurdles are not required to be faced all at once. Baby steps can at least lead to progress.
Saimon started teaching now, to keep himself sustained while making use of his knowledge to teach the future generations, and at the same time, utilized the things he learnt to go back to the basics of their music. It is not as good as back then, but he's getting there.
Yohei had been taking steps to learn the use of technology for daily work, and especially in music making. It is a struggle, and he's a little slow, but he'll do all that it takes to at least improve the both of them as a unit.
It is not that Yohei was giving up on Saimon. It is the fact that no matter how, the vibe was not the same as before then, when they were Quadra X, the team that was supposed to surpass Buraikan, the legendary rappers. And they were supposed to connect people with music, and carry on Tsubaki’s legacy.
The both of them were still sad over the loss of Tsubaki. No one heals from that kind of loss just like that. But with the memories and agony, they've begun to implement that into their songs. Now they are more inclined to creating melancholic pieces, about lost love, despair, regret, and carrying on with ambitions at heart. And they have slowly gained their audience again.
Maybe they did not have to be the same again. And not only in terms of their music, but also their relationship as partners. Once in awhile, they would both let out all the sadness in their hearts, and hold on to each other, as if they were soulmates. And at times, they would end up staying over at each other's homes, considering being alone at night would only cause despair, especially to Saimon. Yohei couldn't count the times he woke up in Saimon's embrace, or the times Saimon lay down on his lap while Yohei played idly with Saimon’s hair, when things didn't work out with their unit. These little moments, unbeknownst to them, had caused a feeling to bud in their hearts. A type of longing for each other.
The bond between them may either keep each other stable, or wreck them, or cause the both of them to rise up. No one knows what the future holds, but for now they are content in sharing the warmth of each other's bodies and hearts.
Still, this is incomplete.
______
Lately, the bar was never empty.
Perhaps it's because Saimon developed a savior-complex, considering the one he first loved couldn't be saved, he ended up bringing home strays.
Yohei can now look away if Saimon brought home another stray cat, as long as they BOTH bear the responsibilities of taking care of them till the end.
But one rainy day… Instead of a cat, Saimon brought in a semi-conscious boy, probably not more than 16, cradled like a baby in his arms.
"Saimon. Who's this kid? Did you kidnap him???"
"Calm down Yohei. I found him lying near the roads heading to my campus-"
"Calm down??? Are you sure this kid is not a thief, or a criminal?"
"Yohei. He may have piercings and tattoos, but he also has bruises and blood and dirt all over him. I… I can't leave him behind." Yohei let out a grunt of dissatisfaction, but at least mellowed out. Just a little more push. "Besides, Yohei… I remembered a tattooed and pierced boy, not gonna say his name, who came to this bar all bruised and bloodied. And he turned out to be a fine young man."
Yohei, realizing Saimon was referring to him, immediately flushed.
"Tsk… Alright. I get it. We'll only take care of him till he's well enough to stand up, THEN we'll get him to his family." Yohei immediately took the boy, barely awake, into his arms. "Goddammit, he's barely skin and bones, didn't he eat anything at all? O-oi!" As if on cue, the kid opened his eyes, and all of a sudden started SNIFFING him, like a puppy smelling something he had just discovered. And with a weak voice, the kid muttered, "Piano… Big… brother."
Had Yohei's memories served him better, he would've remembered who this kid was. Despite not recalling where he heard those, or where he probably had seen the kid, there's a sense of familiarity with him, and Yohei's protective instinct activated, hence he decided that he will see through the end that this kid will be well-cared and come back to his loved ones all healthy and happy again.
____
"Master. Ryuu-kun wants a new plaything."
If only both of them knew that the kid, decidedly named Natsume Ryuu, will find himself in health and happiness by making both of their lives a mess. A happy mess at that.
There were many times where Ryuu would create concoction that would cause Saimon to have a medical emergency and Yohei had to call the campus to inform that Saimon's on medical leave (and all of the calls referred to Yohei as Saimon's 'significant other', which, slightly annoyed him but he didn't bother to correct them with long ass explanations). And there were also times Ryuu would pull of stunts that would end up with Yohei cleaning up the mess with him, and Saimon, seemingly finding joy in the shenanigans. Did Saimon subconsciously wanted a child of his own, Yohei would never know. But the both of them sure as hell became Ryuu's guardians now.
"What do you mean 'a new plaything'??? Didn't you buy the latest edition of the whatever-auto-stirring Aloha II yesterday?" Yohei chided him while whipping up a pancake mixture which was Saimon's recipe when younger Yohei came to the bar.
"It's 'Automatic Natto Stirrer Alpha Omega 2', baka-baka stingy-stingy Master!"
"Baka? You literally used the monthly allowance Saimon gave you to buy it!"
Everyday, as if a manzai, the both of them would have a back-and-forth argument, with Saimon being the mediator between them.
All the naughtiness aside, Ryuu is strangely talented when it comes to rapping, especially ad-libbing. Whatever melody Yohei would play, Ryuu would sing out whatever that comes in his mind. Saimon had considered adding him to their unit, but Ryuu insisted that they change their name. What is wrong with the name 'Quadra X' anyways? (Saimon would justify that when the time comes, maybe they should rebrand themselves, and some changes will be involved, including name, but they will stay true to their style. Admittedly, changes were scary to both of them, but they would face them together head-on had it come to that).
"No! RYUU-KUN WANTS A NEW PLAYTHING NOW! WANT IT, WANT IT, WANT IT, WANT IT!"
Ryuu immediately got bonked on his head and he wailed "Owch! Master is a violence machine! Eeeeeeeeek!"
Yohei sighed, then berated the kid, "Ryuu, you're gonna get your plaything, but ONLY, AND ONLY, if you behave." Ryuu immediately stood straight, like a soldier in command. "Besides. It's not like whatever plaything you want is gonna burst through the door-"
As if on cue, the front door opened and Saimon came in with a boy, who's probably a middle schooler, looking as if life has been drained from his soul. The both of them were wet from the rain outside.
"RYUU-KUN'S plaything is here, YAY!!!" Before the feral child could pounce onto the new kid, who immediately flinched, Yohei grabbed Ryuu by the collar and pulled him back. "That's not a toy. He's… Uh… Who is he, Saimon?" gazing at his partner, he asked about the child in his tow.
“I found him. Alone. On the streets. I can’t leave him behind.”
Yohei gave Saimon a stare, silently conveying “You can’t simply bring EVERY STRAY CHILD into the bar.”
Then he approached the new kid, trying to engage in a friendly conversation. “Hey, kid. Where do you come from? Where’s your family? Or friends?”
For reasons he himself didn’t know, the child immediately froze, and fell to his knees, taking short breaths. “I don’t deserve to live. I let him die. He died because of me. He died-”
“Eh? Who died? Master has done the unTHINKABLE!” Ryuu’s random statement made the new kid break down even further that Yohei had to pull Ryuu away. The brat is not helping with this. Yohei had to step aside and let Saimon calm the panicked kid, while he held onto Ryuu-kun. Yohei is barely good at handling kids, this really cements the fact.
As the kid calmed down, Saimon instructed Yohei to give him (named Shiki, according to Saimon) something to eat. Yohei, with Ryuu assisting him, started to make the first set of pancakes, (Ryuu attempted to add ‘extra flavoring’, but thankfully Saimon reasoned with Ryuu that Shiki needed a simple one first.)
The things that Yohei do are mostly simple gestures. The pancake that he made is a simple mixture flipped on a frying pan, and with some garnishing added by Saimon. And the cup of tea brewed is a simple black tea with a bit of sugar.
Yet, as Shiki was slowly coaxed to take a bite on a spoonful of pancake fed by Saimon, the child immediately sobbed, while chewing on the pastry. And little by little, while in tears, he started to take more bites, and eventually finished the pancake. Seeing the event unravel had clenched Yohei’s heart. “Hey, Shiki, how was it? Would you like more?”
“It’s… so good...Am-am I allowed to have more?”
“Gloomy-gloomy Shikki deserves to have a million pieces of pancakes!”
“Gloomy? Shikki? It’s Shiki.”
“Nope. Shikki is Shikki. Ryuu-kun’s new plaything.” Yohei had to grab Ryuu again before he attempted to glomp onto Shiki for the second time. He turned back to the new addition to the bar.
“I’ll cook a few more pancakes for all of us. Please wait a moment.”
_____
Yohei sighs “Are we really going to take care of him? We can’t afford another child to take care of.”
After ensuring Shiki is at least comfortable and asleep with Ryuu in the same room (he prayed, to whichever God that will listen, that Ryuu won’t do anything bad to the new kid), Yohei had lied down on the sofa, with Saimon on the other end.
“I’ll be having a raise soon, so yeah, we can afford it,” Saimon said with confidence, while massaging Yohei’s aching feet.
“I don’t mean financially,” Yohei chided. “It’s the workload. Bar 4/7 is already one heavy workload. Plus, we already had our hands full with Ryuu, and there’s no way of finding out where he came from. Heck, he didn’t even know WHO he was, so we’re technically his guardians now. But this… Shiki? He seems to be coming from somewhere and KNOWS his loved ones. But all we know is ‘he died’. So- Yeowch! Gently, Saimon.”
Saimon went mum for awhile, while not stopping his movement, putting pressure specifically on Yohei’s arches. Then he answered, “He may come from somewhere, but he wasn’t moving anywhere. And when I asked if he wanted to go back, he just shook his head, didn't want to. Can’t force the child to do something he doesn’t want, so I invited him to stay here. At least WE are here, to care for him.”
Wiggling his toes, Yohei prompted a question, “Are you doing this because you couldn’t save Tsubaki before? You want to save everyone you see?” It was never with ill-intention for him to ask this, he just prefers to go with the truth, as bitter as it may be.
Saimon, now with experience and extra maturity residing in him, took a pause, then replied, “Is it wrong to try to give someone a chance to live a better life? Even if the chance is closer to zero, I want to at least not abandon that tiny chance. I can’t save her anymore, but I hope to save others.”
“Yeah, but you can’t save EVERYONE!”
“I know, but I wanted to. You should know by now. I’m GREEDY” Saimon affirmed, while putting down Yohei’s feet.
Yohei, now adjusting his position and now seated properly, rubbed his forehead, as if he had grown new wrinkles (Ryuu made sure to POINT OUT the fact he even has wrinkles). He had partnered up with an idiot, who happened to be academically excellent. And worse, he was charmed by his idiocy, or perhaps, this is what Saimon would call ‘chivalry’ in his list of metaphorical words.
“Heck, fine. In that case, I’ll help you with all your rescue missions. But keep in mind, not all will accept that kind of help. Some will have to be let go like birds from a nest. I KNOW this, I was from the streets, YOU should know by now.”
“Thank you, Yohei.” Saimon said, and immediately lifted Yohei, as if he’s a light weight, in a bridal-carry style.
“Oi! Put me down! Where are you taking me?” Yohei, embarrassed, demanded to be let down (physically) but Saimon held on to the younger one firmly.
“Home. You can barely move your legs after chasing Ryuu today, right? I’ll drive you.”
“Tsk.’
And once again, he has been wrapped around Saimon’s finger. Perhaps it was his fault too, since he’s the one who got Saimon wrapped around his fingers first, when they formed their partnership after Buraikan’s concert. Yohei is Yasha, and Saimon is his Shura.
____
“Hello, Tsubaki. It’s been awhile. I’ve been busy lately.”
Once a month, Saimon would visit Tsubaki’s grave. And he would have a one-way conversation with her about his life now.
“Currently, I got promoted in university, and Bar 4/7 is getting more customers. So, our lives are okay, at least financially. Yohei is more mature now, but still hot-headed as always. I’ve been trying to cut-off his addiction, but can’t do it, since I myself am drinking and smoking. But at least I didn’t do it in front of the kids. Oh. I’m sure you remember; I talked about Ryuu and Shiki. These two are total opposites, but they’re very interesting people. You will love both of them. Ryuu is a wild boy, a little bizarre, but he’s creative. And Shiki, well, he’s still scared of the world, but he’s a kind boy. Actually, he’s a smart one, and has a talent. He can remember every melody that Yohei played even if Yohei played it just once. I’m sure there’s potential for him. I… I want him to join us, as a unit. We may end up being a quartet instead of a duet, but it’s fine, right, Tsubaki.”
Saimon had been so preoccupied, that he didn’t realize that droplets of rain had fallen from the sky. He did not even move from his place. Instead, with the assistance of the blue rain, he finally let himself shed tears.
“I know that I am the eldest amongst them. And I would cry at Yohei’s shoulder from time to time, and in return, he’d cry on mine. But... I hope you don’t mind me crying now. I miss you, Tsubaki. I really do. But I… I don’t want to look weak anymore, not in front of the kids… It’s tough, Tsubaki.” Saimon put one hand onto his mouth, trying to control his sobs.
After a while, despite seeing the rain fall, he didn’t feel wetness. As he looked up, a black umbrella was held above his head.
“Hey, partner” Yohei, the one holding the umbrella, patted him on the shoulders.
“Yohei…”
“It was raining, and I remembered you forgot your umbrella. So, I brought it here… Do you need more time or privacy? I- I’ll look away, but feel free to say whatever you want to say.”
“Well, I was actually almost done talking to Tsubaki… Do YOU want to talk to her?”
Yohei, who had not even dared to face her grave, fearing the harsh reality, finally braved himself to look. A red camellia, and a photo of a beautiful, mature-looking lady, with cat-like eyes, long black hair, and a serene smile, was placed in front of a tombstone that read ‘Tsubaki Saimon (nee. Yuzuki)’. For the younger man, this lady had been one to drag him out of the darkness of life as a criminal, with her music as the medium. His very first love, which was never meant to be. Yet…
“Yo. Tsubaki. It’s me, Yohei. I’m grown up now. I… I hope you’re proud of me now” part of him yearned to express his true feelings, but out of respect for her husband, he held that thought.
A few moments of silence later.
“Go on, Yohei. Tell her anything.”
“For real, Saimon?... Uh… Well, I’m not exactly as refined as your man here, but I’ve become a man now. And, your music, Tsubaki? It really helped me, I mean, both of us. We’re not the same as back then, we’re still recovering, but we’re getting into the groove. Ah… And we have two new members. They have not grown up that much yet, but they do pack a punch. Like, you should see both of them-”
“Yohoo! Master! Boss! Space warrior Ryuu-kun is here. And he brought Private Gloomy Shikki, and green monsters from the floral station~” As if on cue, a certain white-haired creature, with a pot of flowers in his hands (namely white tulips, purple hyacinth, and a sunflower, which is a really strange arrangement for a visit to the cemetery), was running towards the two adults, with another younger boy, who held an umbrella in his hand.
“Ryuu-kun. Wait! Don’t get wet” he pleaded, thought it was too late to avoid the wetness.
Don’t tell me, those kids followed us here??? Yohei was about to lose the remaining bits of his sanity.
Ryuu, with no ounce of guilt, went to the two adult figures, and handed the flowerpot while proclaiming, “Ryuu-kun has come bearing gifts for Master and Boss’s beloved flower, with Private Gloomy Shikki’s assistance-”
“Ryuu… I told you not to follow us! And don’t drag Shiki with you.” Yohei scolded the kid.
“Sorry, Master. Owner.” Shiki finally spoke up. “I- I was the one who asked Ryuu-kun about this. Both of you weren’t in the bar yet, and Ryuu-kun said both of you are visiting somebody special. So, I thought that we should buy flowers. I paid for them, just in case. I… didn’t realize it was… in a cemetery.”
Once again, Yohei felt that the veins on his forehead were about to pop off. And he brought his hand to massage his temples, hoping to reduce the headache that was brought by these two.
“Now, now, Yohei.” Saimon calmed Yohei down, with a smile. “Isn’t it fine? If they come with their own will. Though… Shiki, are you fine with coming here?”
With a little hesitation, Shiki answered, “Honestly, I am a little scared. But I am okay.”
“Ne ne, Flower-onee-san.” Ryuu kneeled in front of the grave and placed the flowerpot next to the camellia. “Ryuu-kun presents to you, THE WILD CATS IN A BAG! Ryuu-kun arranged this himself. Thank you for taking care of Boss and Master! Now they’re in Ryuu-kun’s care, Eheheheh!”
“Oi, aren’t YOU the one in our care?” Yohei berated Ryuu.
“Details, DETAILS! Shikki, pay your respects to Flower-onee-san too!” Ryuu coaxed Shiki.
“Is it okay to do that I wonder…” Shiki pondered.
“If it doesn’t scare you, you are free to do so, Shiki. Maybe I haven’t told you this but… Tsubaki, she was my wife. And Yohei’s mentor. She’s the one who encouraged Yohei and I to become a unit and connect people with music. But of course, we won’t force you. It… is not easy to pay respects, for some people. The sadness that comes with it.”
“Right, Owner.”
“Is this okay for you, Professor?”
“Well, they ought to know her eventually, and they should do it out of their own free will”.
Shiki kneeled in front of the grave, with an umbrella in his hand. He began conversing, “Good evening... Tsubaki-san? I… I lived with Owner- I mean, Saimon-sensei and Kanbayashi-san, and Ryuu-kun, in the bar. I… haven’t done much there, but I appreciate all the things that they have done to help me up. I… was not worthy of this. Tsubaki-san. Thank you, for being the one special person for Saimon-sensei and Kanbayashi-san. I’m still a weak person, but I will be sure to do my best for all of them. I wish you well in Heavens, Tsubaki-san.” After paying his respects, Shiki stood up, and brought Ryuu-kun further away, to give some privacy for the adults.
“Tsubaki-san…” Yohei muttered. “You really have an impact, even on the kids. Amazing”
“Say, Saimon, do you need more time?”
“Honestly… Yes. I’m sorry, but can I be selfish? Please stay here for a while with me.”
“Sure, take all the time you need.”
While Shiki held on to an umbrella, trying to catch up to Ryuu who seems to like dancing in the rain, Yohei held the umbrella on Saimon, who was still kneeling in front of the tombstone, having a moment of silence.
Saimon had pondered how he and Tsubaki were truly in love with each other and promised a life together till the end. He KNEW Tsubaki was the one, yet it was short lived. Like a candle. Those feelings never faded in time, in fact, it had been etched into his heart like a tattoo. Saimon caressed the petals of the camellia with his finger, as if longing for one more touch from the flower he had lost.
Yohei observed his partner’s actions, and pondered the strong love shared between the married couple. The bond that he and Saimon shared was never meant to be a replacement to the love that was formed officially between Saimon and Tsubaki. As a matter of fact, it was both their longing for Tsubaki, and the agony that they felt, plus the legacy that was left by her, which had brought the two men together. Her music was what kept Yohei in the bar, waiting for Saimon’s return, and the same music is what brought Saimon to the bar, after two years of emptiness. In other words, Tsubaki was the one who brought the two men together.
(But can the two men consider the feeling between them to be LOVE? Only time can tell)
____
“Saimon. You really do want to go with the name change, don’t you?” After the kids went to bed, Yohei had another one-to-one talk with Saimon. This time, it’s over a shoulder massage.
All four of them had decided to form a unit together, since they possessed different talents that make a wonderful sound when combined together. Ryuu had suggested many ridiculous names that not even Saimon can make sense of, and Yohei’s naming sense is too… mainstream. When Shiki, timidly, suggested the name ‘The Cat’s Whiskers’, “Because we are stray cats. And whiskers are what assists cats with the environment. Plus, ‘Cat’s Eyes’ and ‘Cat’s Paws’ are already taken!” Saimon immediately agreed, followed by Ryuu-kun who would go with anything, and eventually, Yohei gave in.
“Isn’t it fine, Yohei? Do you know in old-fashioned UK English, it means ‘to be the best of our own kind’ or ‘better than anyone else’?" Saimon explained, pressing on the stiff shoulders of the younger man who had barely bothered to do stretches (he will need to talk to Yohei about his unhealthy habits, but that would be for later). He knew that Shiki could contribute to the team’s revolution, as long as he was given a little push.
“Yeah, you told us that the moment you agreed with Shiki. So, Quadra X is over, now it’s 'The Kitty Whiskers'?” Yohei leaned towards Saimon, every pressure is a form of relief after a tiring day.
“It’s ‘The Cat’s Whiskers’” Saimon corrected him. “And I prefer to call it ‘rebranding’. We are still Quadra X in our core, only, we have a new layer now. We want to take a step to success, so some changes are inevitable.”
“It’s… a little awkward. But maybe we can do it this time.” Yohei said with a little confidence.
“Let’s start slowly, Yohei.” Now, it was Saimon’s turn to provide comfort for Yohei, hugging him from behind.
Yohei accepted the gesture, sometimes no words are needed to show affection between them.
However, there is still another thing he wished to resolve, so words are needed.
“Yohei… What do you think about us?”
“Us?”
“The things we do now. Together. What are we now? Are we… friends? Partners? Paramours?”
“Don’t give me phrases that I don’t get. What the heck does Paramore have to do with this?” Yohei sighs. “Anyways, I’ve been thinking about this too… You still love Tsubaki… Right?”
“Yes.”
“So, how do you feel about me? Well, I’ll just be frank, since it’s the two of us now.” Yohei thought, it is now or never. For the second time in his life, with another older beloved. “You are someone that I treasure till now. And I have no intention of leaving you. If possible, I want us both to be more than friends. But I won’t deny your feelings towards Tsubaki, she’s an important piece in your life. (And mine too, but I'll never say it). But… if say, you do not wish to pursue anything further… We can still stay as friends. Friends that take care of two kids that can barely take care of themselves. There, I’ve said my part. Now it’s your turn.”
A part of Yohei is afraid, yet ready to accept rejection. He knows the both of them needed to resolve the tension between them.
Saimon took a few moments of silence, before resting his head on one of Yohei’s shoulders. giving his reply, “Yohei… I WANT us to be more than this. But a part of me was afraid that it would mean forgetting her. Though, after spending time with you, I KNOW, my feelings towards Tsubaki never faded. My heart still has her name, it has just happened to have more room for YOU to come in.” Saimon embraced Yohei firmly, even firmer than before. “And, I don’t want to lose you either. You are my Yasha after all. No. You… are somebody I want to spend my life with, whether we make music or not. And thank you... For affirming our love towards Tsubaki”
(did Yohei notice Saimon said 'our love towards Tsubaki' instead of 'my love towards Tsubaki'?)
And for the umpteenth time, both men shed tears, and held on to each other for dear life.
“I won’t leave you, Professor. You’re my Shura.”
“Thank you… Yohei.”
And that night, for the first time, the both of them shared a kiss. A short, but passionate one. Then they let go.
"About time, Saimon..."
______
“Hey… have we recovered; I wonder?” Saimon asked one time.
“Not yet. Far from it. But we’re getting there.” was Yohei’s reply.
In reality, Saimon still misses Tsubaki, and Yohei still has not overcome his addiction, and both of them, alongside Ryuu and Shiki, are still struggling to make a name for themselves as a hip-hop unit.
Perhaps, to both of their agreement, their recovery process was a lifetime process, with no end to it. They would still have to go through pain, and rainy weather, to get to the sunny days.
But the trauma, and the sadness, all the emotions that they had, they let it out. In the form of their songs. All of them still kept a lot of their struggles to themselves, but they will open up eventually. For now, with a silent agreement between them, they put their right foot forward and were prepared to pursue a dream that is highly ambitious.
Four people with different personalities, inclination, voices and struggles, but all share the same passion. And all of them met due to the rain that fell. That was their charm point. As The Cat’s Whiskers.