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Tsukishima finds himself staring into the mirror, examining his reflection within the pristine, well-kept glass. He’s dressed in casual clothing: a pair of skinny jeans and a comfortable gray sweater. Attending the Karasuno first-year get-together never seemed quite appealing to begin with, but alas, it isn’t like he has any other plans on this particular Thursday evening. He combs a pale hand through his thin, soft tufts of blonde hair, attempting to style it in a somewhat neater fashion. Good enough, he decides, then looking into the reflection of his eyes. They contain no visible emotion as usual. His pale golden irises aren’t revealing any hint of a feeling other than carefully crafted indifference. His eyes are cold and dull, similar to the unforgiving gleam of an aureate dagger right before it strikes someone in their heart. Just the way he prefers them to be. Then his gaze shifts downwards, sparing a glance at his lips, which are pressed into a firm line. He has no doubt that they’ll curve into a condescending smirk later on, as he knows just how idiotic his friends tend to be. It’s expected of them, and much to his luck, their stupidity serves as a source of entertainment within his rather dreary life.
But he’s much too prideful to say those last two words aloud. No one needs to know that anyway, Tsukishima thinks, adjusting his collar before deducing that his appearance is adequate. He walks away from the mirror and stifles a yawn as he imagines just how boring this get-together will be. Very bland, indeed.
Upon entering the park—the place at which the gathering’s arranged to be in—he immediately catches sight of the two volleyball idiots. “Set to me!” Hinata commands in his annoyingly high-pitched voice, and of course Kageyama obeys, causing the megane to roll his eyes. Typical.
“Tsukki! It’s so good to see you!” A familiar voice happily calls out. Before long, the blonde feels someone pulling him into a tight hug, and right as he’s about to retort a venomous remark, he looks down. His snarky statement dies right on his tongue as his mind registers a very recognizable face.
Yamaguchi.
For the briefest of moments, Tsukishima feels a strange desire to wrap his lithe arms around the other boy—to stop for a while and simply enjoy the feeling of Tadashi’s warmth. Perhaps, he thinks, he could even lean in and place his chapped lips against the boy’s soft ones. But all of those peculiar urges are washed away and replaced with forced disgust, because no matter how badly he wants to succumb to them, he can’t afford to. So he merely looks at Tadashi through an apathetic lens as he keeps his arms by his side, his facial expression offering no geniality in return. His ability to act so aloof has become a skill at this point, and it feels so real that he's almost tempted to believe he genuinely doesn’t care about the float server. Almost.
Yamaguchi does that adorable head tilt that Tsukishima wants to despise with all his heart. Hurt and confusion slowly leaks onto his facial features, poisoning his innocence, turning his friendly intentions into one of despondence. He looks up at the blonde with sad olive eyes, and Tsukishima’s ashamed to admit that it actually stings his heart. “Oh, right. Sorry, I forgot that you don’t like being touched,” the freckled boy tries to laugh, though it sounds broken rather than lighthearted. He turns in the opposite direction, and the middle blocker painfully watches as he heads over to his soulmate: Yachi Hitoka.
Tsukishima can’t help but glare at the petite girl when she’s not looking. It’s his desperate attempt at making himself feel better, and as the moments pass by, it becomes clear that it isn’t working. He feels yet another feeling that brings along self-loathing. Envy. He’s jealous of the manager, because she has something that he doesn’t: Tadashi’s endless love. It’s funny, the blonde thinks bitterly. Right when I’m finally starting to let my walls down, she has to ruin everything. He feels unexplainably betrayed. It’s as if Yachi and Yamaguchi both got together simply to laugh in his face, taunting him with, “Ha! See? You’ll never find someone who loves you.” Tsukishima’s far too smart to actually believe that, but even then, he can feel his already scarce hope diminishing. What’s the worst is that he knows Yachi and Yamaguchi are too kind and gentle to ever do that to him.
He’s the one causing his own pain, he realizes.
A silent, resentful chuckle leaves his lips as he tucks his cold hands into his worn-out pockets. The world’s a cruel place, so why should he even waste his time lamenting over something that was never meant to be in the first place? Within a second, his answer becomes clear as day. It’s because despite how tough he may act, in the end, he’s a mere human. Humans are weak. They break down over small, petty mistakes. They’re easy to trick. Most of all, humans are prone to chasing dreams that they can never achieve. Pathetic, Tsukishima thinks. I’m pathetic.
Of course, Hinata’s there to disrupt the blonde’s thoughts. “Hey!” He calls out, waving. “Stingyshima, are you okay? What’s wrong?”
Tsukishima doesn’t even spare him a glance, instead ignorantly choosing to look over at a young couple strolling through the park. Both of their faces are painted with smiles so wide that the blonde questions whether it’s genuine. However, as they happily lean in and kiss each other, he realizes that they’re truly in love. There’s no denial present whatsoever. Tsukishima looks away, and with his heart beginning to break, he replies in a tone so robotic that it shocks him.
“I’m fine.”