Chapter Text
Sydney arrived in the middle of Donna’s prep. Her kitchen was pure chaos as if a bomb had exploded in it. And the woman seemed close to a nervous breakdown.
“What if they don’t come? And if they come and nothing is ready...”
“It’s going to be fine. And if these fuckers don’t come, we’ll have food for days. It’s going to be okay, Donna. I promise.”
“Sydney, I… I… Can you hide the alcohol?”
“Sure…” smiled Sydney. “And then, we’ll get to work.”
After prepping the dishes, Donna brought her to the living room to decorate the Christmas tree. She felt light-hearted doing it, Carmy and their interlude in a corner of her mind.
“I don’t really have memories of doing that with my mom… Thanks for giving me this opportunity…”
“Baby, thanks to you, I’m maybe going to mend things with my kids. I’m the one that should be thanking you.”
“It’s normal. Nobody should shut down a parent or a child. You just needed a break…”
“Grief is a bitch. I never realized that the first step was losing my husband. God, I put way too much on my son’s shoulders. On the three of them really… I never realized how hurt I was, and how toxic I was to them…We were all swimming in a pool of pain and sorrows. I can’t help but think that I’m the one responsible for-“
“No,” cut Sydney. “Don’t add this burden to your shoulders. Did… Did your husband die?”
“No, the fucker left. Never told the kids but he found a young woman when I was pregnant with my last one. And he took off. She had less baggage than a whole family, a business to run and shit.”
“What a little bitch.”
“Preach,” smiled the older woman.
She sighed as her phone rang once more. She switched off the sound and looked for garlands.
“Care to tell me?” smiled Donna.
“I have this… work colleague. He’s a friend, really. A business partner. Like we’re really a team.”
“And you fucked him.”
“Yes,” cringed Sydney.
“And you didn’t talk to him afterward.”
“Yup… He’s been blowing up my phone, but I can’t deal with that.”
“Why?” asked Donna.
“It’s going to sound so ridiculous… He didn’t kiss me. Like we did… you get it. And not even a kiss.”
“You love him, don’t you?”
“Yeah, I mean we’re good friends, I think…”
“He’s not going to die or magically disappear if you let yourself love him. And if he’s been calling you this much, it kind of means something. Don’t you think?”
“Fuck…”
“Does it mean that you don’t want to date my youngest?” laughed Donna.
Syd snorted, before going back to the tree. After, she set the table, enjoying the calmness and precision of the task. She felt like it was the calm before the storm. She felt her phone vibrate in the back pocket of her jeans. She thought about Donna’s words and thought about how it would feel to share a part of her life with Carmy.
She put the dishes in the oven, readying all the food, as Donna went to shower. She ignored another phone call as someone knocked on the front door. Declining the call, she went to open it and froze.
“Jimmy?”
“Sydney! The fuck are you doing here?”
“How do you know Donna?” asked Sydney, dread creeping in on her.
“Oh boy.”
“Jimmy!”
Both turned towards Donna, Sydney looking in silence, ready to run away, as they greeted each other.
“How do you know the kid?” laughed Cicero.
“Therapy group! Sydney is the one behind this little dinner. She thought it’d be a good idea,” smiled Donna.
“Please don’t tell me this is what I think,” laughed Sydney, manic.
“This is a fucking good coincidence. Sydney works with Carmen! They opened The Bear together!”
“Fuck,” replied Donna, before laughing hysterically. “I can’t believe it! Truly a Christmas miracle, sweetheart, as if we were meant to meet!”
“Why the fuck didn’t you answer your fucking phone?”
“Oh my God,” cried out Sydney. “I’m gonna pass out.”
“Carmen was the one blowing up your phone. Oh… Oh, Sydney,” laughed Donna, once more.
“Hi Mom,” said Carmy. “I’ve been calling you all fucking day, Sydney. What the fuck is your problem?”
“I’m gonna vomit,” she replied before running upstairs.
She spat out the toothpaste and came out of the bathroom. Carmy was waiting for her outside, a glass in his hand. He grabbed her by the arm and took her to a room.
“I never saw someone vomit for ten minutes straight. Well done. Here, I made you sprite.”
“Thanks… The fact that you got angry for a few missed calls, and not because I’m at your mom’s house is frankly weird, Carmy.”
“I gathered that she was the friend you were talking about. Natalie is going to make a fucking pedestal for you. But back to the most important. Why didn’t you answer the phone?”
“I was making dinner for tonight.”
“Syd…”
“And I got to set the table and shit and-“
“Why are you ignoring me?” asked Carmy, looking at her.
“Because you didn’t kiss me. Fuck it sounds ridiculous…”
“I didn’t want our first kiss to be on the floor of our fucking office. I imagined something better, more romantic.”
“Oh, so you’re okay to eat me out there but kissing me is too much?”
“You are infuriating. You didn’t kiss me as well!”
“Oh, sorry, Carmen. I didn’t know I had to woo you like a Victorian maiden.”
“Sorry for being romantic and wanting better for us!”
“Maybe I didn’t want better, I just wanted to be fucking kissed!”
She gasped as Carmy crowded her, grabbed her nape, and kissed her. She put the glass on the desk, kissing him back.
“Is this romantic for you?” she laughed, in between kisses.
“It’s my bedroom. You’re the first girl I brought here so yeah…” he smiled, guiding her to the bed.
“I refuse to believe you didn’t date in high school…”
“Believe it… So shy and I didn’t feel adequate…” he replied, before deepening the kiss, their tongue fighting for dominance. “Lost my virginity when I was 20…”
Sydney laughed before switching their position, sitting on him as she kissed him again, feeling drunk. He grabbed her ass and made her roll her hips against his body. He silenced her moans with his lips, kissing her even harder. Sydney was the best person he had ever met, and to have the chance to just kiss her made Carmy hard.
“We have to go downstairs…”
“Everything is ready… And I brought a dish.”
“What did you bring?” she asked.
“The seven fishes that we serve at the restaurant.
“Moron, I did a tuna quiche…”
“It’s 8 fucking fishes…” laughed Carmy, resting his head on his bed. “Fuck…”
“Eight fucking fishes…” smiled Sydney, kissing him one last time. “We need to go…”
“I don’t want them to know… for us. Do you mind? I… I don’t want them to meddle…”
“Sure, Carmy…” she smiled.
As she arrived downstairs, Sydney was greeted with a hug. Natalie had tears in her eyes and whispered several thank you. Carmy smiled fondly at them, before going to the kitchen.
“I’m glad you came…”
“I’m glad too, Mom… Do you need any help?”
“Can you check on the dessert, please?”
The two of them worked in silence, hearing the joyful conversations in the living room, as Richie arrived, yelling happily at Sydney. Carmy laughed as he heard their conversation and the obvious embarrassment from Sydney.
“I’m sorry, son.”
“What?” asked Carmy, freezing.
“I’m sorry. For everything. I know it’s not enough for the hardships I put you through. And God, I know that I fucked up so much, and I’m probably the source of most of your problems and if you don’t want to accept my apology it’s okay. I just want you to know that I’m sorry and I love you, son.”
Carmy felt his throat tighten and a burn in his eyes. He nodded, frowning, before taking a deep breath.
And he hugged his mother. He felt something he didn’t know existed being lifted off of his shoulders as he relaxed into his mother’s tight embrace.
After, he wiped his eyes quickly, looking back at the food on the counter.
“She’s good for you, you know? You look more peaceful and carefree…”
“Yeah… She brings that out, clearly…” smiled Carmy.
“She reminds me of your brother in a way. Less destructive, but she has this warm aura about her.”
“It fucking scares me, Mom…”
“Oh, Carmen…”
“What if something happens? One day, she wakes up and realizes I don’t deserve her. Or what if something happens to her? I’ll never be able to stand it…”
“You can’t live in fear of what might happen. Enjoy every day and let it rip. And allow yourself to love and be loved.”
“I don’t think I know how…”
“I’m so sorry, Carmen…”
“I’m going to learn. She drives me to be better. I want to be better for her.”
Donna smiled fondly at Carmy, who smiled back, before taking a deep breath.
“I’m going to see if Natalie can come and help you.”
Donna smiled at him gratefully before he left to bring Nat’.
As he sat at the head of the table, overlooking everyone, with Sydney by his side, Carmy knew it was the beginning of something new. Natalie had red eyes from crying, and his mother looked more peaceful than ever. Richie was joking with Sydney, and Cicero looking at them like they were morons.
Carmy felt happy.
“Still going to New York, Carm?” asked Pete, bringing him back into the conversation.
“Yeah, sorry for missing your dinner guys…”
“What dinner?” asked Richie, his mouth full.
“You need to swallow before speaking, dickhead,” answered Cicero, his wife smacking his shoulder in response, making Richie laugh.
“We doing a little dinner for New Year’s Eve. You can come of course. You too, Mom,” smiled Natalie. “Syd, Emmanuel, you’re free?”
“Sydney gifted me a plane ticket to Louisiana, to see some family members,” smiled Emmanuel, looking at his daughter.
“You’re not going?” asked Carmy.
“No,” she replied. “I wanted to work on some recipes.”
Carmy nodded, lost in thoughts.
“Who’s the fucker who made eight fishes?” asked Richie, looking around.
“That got to be me, cousin. A new tradition.”
“Cheers to new traditions then.”
“Thanks for tonight…” smiled Carmy, as they arrived in front of her building. Her dad was already home since Richie had wanted to get drinks with Carmy, Syd, and Cicero.
“Oh, it’s okay. It’s still the weirdest moment of my life, but it was nice. So, New York?”
“Don’t tell Nat’, but I just wanted to be alone. I’m not going anywhere but stay in my apartment and work on new recipes too.”
“We’re a bunch of losers.”
“I thought about something during dinner. Do you want to go to New York? We could try restaurants; it’ll give us some inspiration… just the two of us…”
“Isn’t it too late to have plane tickets?
“Don’t worry about that,” he teased.
“I have a gift for you upstairs…”
“Is it a ploy to get me inside your bed, chef?”
“Shut up,” laughed Sydney. “Friendly reminder that I live with my dad.”
“I can be silent.”
She punched him before they both went upstairs. In silence, they went into her room. Carmy sat on her bed as she looked for the package, before finding it and giving it to him, nervous. He opened it and choked as he realized what it was.
“Nat’ told me you had to sell it. So, I tracked down the guy and bought it back. He had a bunch of your jeans too, but I thought this meant more for you…”
Carmy touched the lapels of the jacket, feeling tears rolling down his cheeks.
Mikey’s jackets.
He hugged the jacket against his heart, as Sydney brushed his hair back, in a soothing gesture.
It was Carmy’s best Christmas.