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“Tanjiro, can you help me?” Zenitsu whines, “I don’t know how to do number fourteen.”
Tanjiro slides over, pencil in hand. “What do you need help with?”
“Literally everything!” He throws his pen on the desk groaning. “Math is so hard. I don’t know how you do it Genya.”
Genya, who is lying on Tanjiro’s bed watching his phone, looks up.
“Do what?”
“Live with the math teacher.”
Genya laughs, “I don’t live with my brother. He moved out a long time ago. Now it’s just the six of us in my moms tiny little house.”
“So does Mr. Shinazugawa just live alone?” Inosuke shoves a piece of pizza in his mouth.
“Nah, he lives with his… friend.”
“Is she hot?” Zenitsu asks the important question. Genya and Tanjiro share a look, before the redhead responds with: “Yea, you could say that.”
Inosuke crawls over the bed, stepping onto the floor and leaning down next to him, waves of black hair falling in front of his face.
He squints, “Why are you talking like that?”
“Like what?” Tanjiro smiles sheepishly, “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
Inosuke frowns, “I know you’re hiding something.”
“Or maybe Mr. Shinazugawa is.” Zenitsu squints his eyes, staring intently at problem number fifteen on his paper. “Like how none of these answers march what I got.”
“Let me see the paper, you moron!” Inosuke snatches Zenitsu’s math worksheet from his hands and stares intently at it for a few seconds before blurting out an answer that doesn’t even make sense. Zenitsu jumps from his chair, wrestling with the ravenet while Tanjiro hops back onto his bed.
“Should we tell them?” He asks, twiddling his pencil in his hand.
“Nah,” Genya looks over from his phone, “let them figure it out on their own.”
———
“Find the answer to this equation. You have three minutes.” Sanemi puts down the piece of chalk back into the bar and closes the notebook he was holding. He briefly picks up his phone, in which both of his hands are holding it up.
Zenitsu picks up on it first. He elbows Inosuke, who is sitting right next to him and points to the shiny silver wedding band nestled on the base of the ring finger of his left hand.
“Dude, look!” he whispers. Inosuke’s eyes widened, pushing back his bangs.
“Woah, he’s married?”
“That has to be a ring for display or something. There’s no way his angry, over-the-top, immodest and stubborn ass is married.”
“What’re you guys talking about?” Muichiro, a smart kid who’s skipped two grades, says right next to them. Zenitsu freaks, Inosuke shushing him and causing the white-haired man to eye them very closely.
He sits down in his chair, kicking his feet up on the desk, his phone still in his hands. He chuckles very lightly at something he’s looking at.
“You almost got us in trouble, Kelphead.” Inosuke chides him quietly. He scoots his desk over not-so-subtly, but the math teacher doesn’t seem to notice.
“What’s so important? Did you find the answer to the equation?” Muichiro asks. He leans over slightly, looking at the paper on Zenitsu’s desk. Much to his disappointment, but unsurprisingly, his sheet isn’t filled out. “You haven’t solved the equation, Agatsuma.”
“That’s not important,” Zenitsu pulls him close and points to the band on Sanemi’s ring finger. “Do you see that?”
“See what?”
“The ring on his finger.”
Muichiro turns his head to where the aforementioned man is still kicking back, his thumbs typing rapidly on his screen. The misty-eyed man doesn’t seem to see the accessory, however.
“I don’t see it.”
“How? It’s right there on his hand—”
“It’s weird,” Inosuke ponders, “he just doesn’t seem lovable.”
“You’re one to talk.” Genya turns around from where he’s seated in front of Zenitsu.
Inosuke looks at him, then at Sanemi, and then back at Genya. “Hey, Tenya, how old did you say your brother was again?”
“Who?”
“Genya.” Sanemi’s sharp voice snaps. He’s suddenly standing up, white chalk in his hand. “Turn around. Did you finish?”
Genya turns around swiftly, embarrassed, but he nods and answers the equation presented on the board. He breathes a sigh of relief, internally thanking Muichiro for his tutoring.
“That’s right,” Sanemi’s left hand shoots up to the board to write down the numbers, the ring catching the light coming through the windows and blinking briefly. “Good.”
Zenitsu catches the bling, jumping up from his seat and exclaiming briefly. Tanjiro, who is behind Zenitsu, flinches when the blond’s hair hits the front of his desk sharply.
“Look! It’s right there, Tokito!” Zenitsu gently tugs on Mui’s collar, pointing. “Do you see it now?”
“Oh, yea.”
“What’s going on?” Sanemi snarls, his hands slamming on the desk. “Sit down, Agatsuma.”
“Oh, great, Monitsu! You’ve gotten us in trouble!” Inosuke pulls the blond man back down in his seat.
“See? See how angry he just got?” Zenitsu whisper-shouts, “There is no way he’s married! The only person willing to commit to a relationship like that has to be crazy!”
Sanemi grunts in confusion, crossing his arms. “The hell are you talking about?”
Caught, Zenitsu freezes.
Tanjiro lets out a burst of laughter, Genya snickering quietly as he flicks his hand out. Sanemi copies the action, watching as Genya points to his ring finger.
“My wedding ring?”
“Yes!” Inosuke shouts, “How are you married? Why are you married?!”
Sanemi’s silent for a moment, dumbfounded on his students' stupidity. He stares at the feral man for a moment, wondering if this is really the person Tanjiro’s dating; Giyuu told him about his cousins newfound relationship.
“Um, because I’m committed?”
“Yea but to who.” Genya rolls his eyes, “They’re asking who you’re married to, Nemi.”
“Ok first off, I’m not ‘Nemi’ when you’re at school,” Sanemi responds, “and secondly, it doesn’t matter. Why is my relationship status important to you?”
“Mr. Shinazugawa,” Zenitsu mumbles, “who is your wife.”
It’s not a question, but rather a statement, like Zenitsu is suddenly going to steal Sanemi’s supposed wife. He was already fighting with Tanjiro over Nezuko, and while he would agree that there is no better woman than her, he wouldn’t mind matchmaking Sanemi’s wife (lunatic, for marrying him) with someone better.
Genya’s still giggling. There’s a couple of other students in the room snickering, already aware of Sanemi’s relationship. Inosuke looks at the man, green eyes awaiting for a response.
Sanemi sighs. He can’t take their dim-witted asses anymore.
“I’ll bring him around tomorrow.” He picks up the chalk. “‘See if he can go into work late to make you fools happy. Now, finish the goddamn problem.”
So harsh.
Zenitsu grimaces, stiffly picking up his pencil and writing the answer to the equation on the board. The chatter has died down in the room, Inosuke returning to his original position as Sanemi flips through the math notebook in his hands and prepares for the next interval of questions.
The blond man doesn’t seem to pick up the masculine pronouns.
———
“And he said, as I quote, ‘Dad, I think I like dick.’ And then he was like, ‘It’s ok, son. I know.’”
Kyojuro and Tengen burst out laughing, and Sanemi admittedly chuckles. . Obanai lets out a chuckle behind his mask as he pops another donut into his mouth. When Sanemi had said that Giyuu was running breakfast orders, everyone immediately flocked to him (especially Kyojuro, the foodie he is.) and cheered when their favorite police officer was coming to see them this morning.
Giyuu always filled into the cop stereotype, snacking on donuts every interval he could and taking advantage of the warm weather with sunglasses. He’s leaning back on Sanemi’s desk, the group always congregating in his office before school officially started. Students are piling in, Genya already seated and Tanjiro sitting next to him, talking quietly about something.
“I mean, who doesn’t lock their doors when you sleep with someone?” Giyuu quips, “Like, you’re just asking to be walked in on.”
Tanjiro and Genya eye each other carefully.
“Oh, Inosuke just texted me. He’s on his way right now.”
“I can’t wait to see the look on his face when he sees Nemi’s ‘wife’” he says with quotes.
Tanjiro laughs, “I know right? God, he’s such an airhead.”
“Yea, and you’re stupidly in love with him.” Genya wretches, sticking his finger in his mouth. Tanjiro gently bonks him on the head with his fist.
“Hey, you’re in love with someone who never talks.” Tanjiro replies, “Don’t go making fun of my boyfriend when you can’t even get one.”
Genya groans. Muichiro walks through the door, pausing for a moment when he sees the police officer in the room and quickly strides over to his seat. He sets his bag down on the floor and leans into Genya’s ear.
“Why is there a cop here?” He asks, seemingly worried.
“Before you freak out, nothings wrong.” Tanjiro smiles, “He’s my cousin, and the teachers are old friends with each other from high school.”
“Ohh,” Muichiro hums, relieved. “Still, what’s he doing here? Doesn’t he have work to do?”
“Chill, man.” Genya leans his head on his hand. “It’s only eight thirty-five in the morning and the bell doesn’t ring for another ten minutes. His actual shift doesn’t start until nine.”
“How do you know so much about him?”
Genya sighs, “Because he’s my—”
“Tanjiro!” Zenitsu wails, crashing through the door of Sanemi’s classroom and almost landing face-first into his desk. “You gotta help me!”
“What’s wrong?”
“I totally flunked my chemistry test! The subject sucks ass. How do I get better?”
Obanai—the science teacher, who is in the corner of the room—grumbles something incoherent under his breath that makes Tengen laugh a little. When Tanjiro doesn’t say anything, Zenitsu looks up and finds the man staring dead-eyed at the black-haired man across the room. Zenitsu turns around locking eyes with the serpent around his neck.
He shrieks, “Why are the other teachers here!?”
“Because it’s Friday, and they always gather in Nemi’s classroom in the morning.” Genya grumbles, “You would know that if you didn’t show up late every day.”
“Well it’s not my fault I wake up late every morning…”
“Actually, it is.” Inosuke appears out of nowhere, “you fucking idiot.”
The feral man slides in his seat, but jumps back up again when he notices Giyuu across the room.
“Gay-yuu!” He shouts (Zenitsu: “WHO!?”), rushing over and fist-bumping the man. The police officer laughs as he locks his arm around his neck and roughly scratches the top of his head with his fist. Inosuke fights for release, but he still has a smile on his face nonetheless.
“Hey, kid! How are ya?”
“I’m great! I got a boyfriend, if Tanjiro hadn't already told you!”
Giyuu smiles at his relative, who gives a small wave. Zenitsu picks his head up out of his hands, his ears picking up at the mention of Inosuke, of all people, being taken. He groans, knocking Tanjiro with his shoulder and freezes when he sees the black-haired cop.
Zenitsu gasps, alerting everyone in the room.
“OHMYGODWEREGONNADIE—” He screams, shaking Tanjiro’s shoulders. “Why is there a police officer here? Oh my god, someone’s getting arrested, and where is your sister-in-law, Genya!? Didn’t Mr. Sanenmi say he was going to bring her aro—”
Inosuke rushes over and smacks him. “Calm down you fucking moron! It’s just Tanjiro’s cousin. He’s not doing anything. And the girl isn’t even here yet, she’s probably in the bathroom or something.”
“But why is he here?” Zenitsu hides behind his friend, “Cops don’t have a reason to be at a place unless something’s gone wrong!”
Giyuu leans into his husband, “Is this Zenitsu?”
“Unfortunately.” Sanemi shakes his head. “He’s just as much of an idiot as I told you.”
Giyuu chuckles, “He’s adorable. Like a little kid.”
“Yea, but he’s stupid.” Obanai chides. “Every single one of his test or quiz scores are awful.”
“Oh, don’t be so harsh on the kid,” Tengen puts a hand on Obanai’s shoulder. “You just suck at teaching.”
“I’m not the one who makes everyone’s ears bleed every class!” Obanai shouts back.
“Who’s this ‘wife’ they talk about?” Giyuu protectively leans onto Sanemi, his hands settling gently on his bicep. Tengen and Obanai get into a heated argument, the shorter man leaving the room.
“Genya, nor Tanjiro, has told them that we’re married.” Sanemi says, his hand sneaking around Giyuu’s waist. “Agatsuma and Hashibira noticed my wedding ring yesterday and started screaming about how ‘someone like me’ could be married.”
“Someone like you?” Giyuu laughs, “what’s that supposed to mean?”
“I dunno,” Sanemi looks at the blond man freaking out. “But he thinks that my partner is a lunatic for marrying me.”
“Well, call me crazy then.”
Sanemi and Giyuu both laugh, catching the attention of the blond man. He jolts up, pulling Tanjiro in.
“Isn’t that cheating!?” He whisper-shouts.
Just wait for it, Genya’s face reads as he stares blankly at Tanjiro.
“Wait,” Muichiro smiles. He leans in and whispers something in Genya’s ear, to which the mullethawk-man responds with a bright smile.
“Bingo!” He laughs.
“What? What is it!?” Inosuke shakes the short man's shoulders. “Tell me, seaweed!”
“Dude, can’t you see it?” Muichiro giggles. “Giyuu is the wife!”
The atmosphere in the room changes. Zenitsu’s mouth falls open while Inosuke’s eyes widen and the blond man screams.
“WHAT!?” He shouts. Sanemi fears he’s going to get a noise complaint from the other classrooms. “But that’s a man—”
“Exactly, you dweeb.” Genya smacks him upside the head. “I was just about to tell Mui that he’s my brother-in-law but your dumbass just had to enter the room!”
“Wait, so you don’t have a wife?” Inosuke sits down in his seat next to Zenitsu.
“No.” Sanemi stares plainly, “I have a husband. And yes, he’s a police officer.”
“Oh my god, I’m fucked.” Zenitsu rubs his hands down his face, “when I marry Nezuko, Giyuu’s going to become my cousin-in-law!”
“Woah, who said anything about marrying Nezuko?” Tanjiro activates his older-brother mode.
“Uuuughhh, this has got to be the worst week of my life.” Zenitsu complains as he bangs his face on his desk repeatedly.
Inosuke pulls on Genya and Tanjiro’s ears, asking them silly questions. Muichiro can't help but let out giggles everytime they say something stupid, retorting back with more stupid responses.
Sanemi can’t help but laugh as he rubs his lover’s hip.
“Just wait till they find out we’re getting engaged.” Kyojuro throws up his left hand, motioning between him and Tengen.
“You’ve gotta be shitting me.”
Zenitsu’s staring right at them.