Chapter Text
< present >
Hoseok didn"t sleep very well that night. He kept turning in his bed, unable to get comfortable because although his anger subdued, other scary emotions reared their heads. The anxiety of Yoongi possibly changing his mind and leaving before morning breaks was eroding his bones all night. Being in his proximity without actually seeing him was a special type of torture that Hoseok has never experienced before. Around four a.m., he started wishing that he just agreed to talk to Yoongi immediately so he didn’t need to endure it.
By five a.m., he changed his mind and decided it’s better if his emotions have some time to settle down. He needs to approach the subject with a level head in the morning.
And when the clock striked six, he started worrying that Yoongi has left and he’s no longer on the other side of the wall. He held his breath, trying to listen to any small noise or rustle but there wasn’t any that he could detect.
Hoseok is disappointed with himself because what he feared had already happened; Yoongi left and Hoseok was alone for months. He doesn’t understand why he’s so scared again.
He shouldn’t be but logical thinking isn’t helping when his irrational fear takes up so much space inside his brain, constantly reminding him that so far Yoongi never stayed until the morning. Not when they slept together. Not when he stitched him up.
Yoongi keeps leaving and yet Hoseok doesn’t find it in himself to hate him for it. There’s this overwhelming need, even now, to be near Yoongi, to fix everything between them so they can go back to being friends. It hurts to admit how much he needs Yoongi because it makes him feel pathetic.
He should be strong. He shouldn’t rely on another person.
He knows that and yet, he can’t deny that he wants to rely on Yoongi, and wants to trust him fully and completely. His desire to make him stay from months ago hasn’t actually disappeared. He wants the same things but at first, he wants to understand Yoongi. He needs to know why he left despite the fact that it didn’t look like he wanted to leave.
Around eight a.m., Hoseok finally decides that he doesn’t want to lay in his bed anymore. Still, in his pajamas, he leaves his room to go to the bathroom before preparing some breakfast for them. To his surprise, Yoongi comes out of the bathroom at the same time as he’s trying to go in and they both freeze, staring at each other with wide eyes.
Something unfolds itself in Hoseok’s chest now that he knows he’s still here. His long, black hair is still a shocking sight because when he thinks about him Hoseok imagines him with short, blond hair, not used to the change yet. He can’t lie; his new look suits him well, making his features look more angelic than before. He looks… heartbreakingly beautiful.
Suddenly Hoseok notices that there are earrings, small hoops in his ear that he’s never seen before. He’s not sure if Yoongi’s ears were always pierced and he just didn’t wear any earrings because of boxing or if this was a new thing.
His eyes flicker down to the older’s hand, catching sight of a familiar piece of paper between his fingers. Hoseok points at it immediately, feeling scandalized that Yoongi would just take the sticky note off his mirror.
“That’s mine!”
“Actually, it was mine first when you gave it to me,” Yoongi corrects with a smile on his face.
“What are you doing with it?” Hoseok questions. He can’t imagine why he would need the note after he gave it to him.
“I’d like to know the same. Why was it stuck on your mirror?” Yoongi asks, lifting the note in the air so Hoseok can see it better. “Why is it so smudged?”
“I don’t know. There tends to be a lot of steam after a hot shower. It must have messed with the ink,” Hoseok lies without batting an eye. He’s not about to admit anything to him, it’s way too embarrassing.
“You didn’t answer my first question,” Yoongi points out, cheekily, as though he knows exactly how many times Hoseok pressed his finger against the letter, how many times he stared at it, trying to gather the strength from that single note to go on.
“It was there because—” Hoseok purposefully cuts himself off when he tears the note out of the other’s hands and starts running. Realistically, he knows that his place isn’t nearly big enough to run away from another person and hide but something in him encourages him to try anyway. He only gets to the living room when a pair of arms wrap around his waist, pulling him back against a strong, solid chest.
“Where do you think you’re going?” Yoongi says in a menacing voice, his breath caressing the back of Hoseok’s neck in a way that makes the younger’s body shudder against his, and Hoseok knows this is bad, very bad. With a note still in his hand, he tries to push away the other’s arms but it’s no use. Clearly, Yoongi hasn’t lost an inch of muscle in the past seven months.
“Let me go. I won’t run away,” Hoseok promises, gritting his teeth in preparation to feel his breath again. However, he didn’t anticipate that Yoongi would bury his nose into his hair, and take a deep breath but that’s exactly what he does.
Hoseok’s so shocked that he doesn’t even react. He doesn’t know what a proper reaction is to someone smelling him like this. Yoongi’s inhale is so audible, so harsh, it’s like he wants to fill his lungs with the natural scent of Hoseok instead of oxygen.
Hoseok"s stomach coils with lust.
Then the arms disappear from his waist and suddenly he feels very cold without Yoongi’s body heat. He didn’t even notice the temperature difference between the air and their bodies. This is really not good. They need to talk before this escalates.
“Sorry,” Yoongi mutters. Hoseok turns around and he feels a little relieved to see that, at least, Yoongi looks genuinely apologetic.
Hoseok nods, accepting his apology but closes his fist around the note. He won’t give that up. The smell of cooking hits his nose just then and his eyes widen in realization.
“Did you make breakfast?” he asks, astonished.
Yoongi shrugs, averting his eyes. “It’s only fair since you made me dinner.”
Hoseok is pushing past him to get to the kitchen quickly because he can’t believe it but it’s true. There are egg rolls, vegetable pancakes, and rice balls on the table, all prepared and plated with care. For some reason, Hoseok’s eyes start stinging a little.
“I wasn’t sure what you like to eat in the morning so I thought I would give you a few options,” Yoongi says from behind his back quietly, and Hoseok looks back at him with a soft smile, hoping that his eyes aren’t red.
“Thank you. I appreciate it.”
“But you’re still not going to explain the note on the mirror, will you? "" Yoongi tries again.
“I think you know why it was there,” Hoseok says quietly.
“Do I?”
He sighs and turns back to the food. “Let’s eat then we can talk.”
Hoseok watches Yoongi as the older washes the dishes. He insisted that he wants to do it and Hoseok wouldn’t ever fight over doing chores so he just lets him. However, watching Yoongi’s back feels weirdly domestic. It would be so easy to just imagine that they are dating instead of whatever the fuck they are. He doesn’t know how to define them or their relationship.
All his life, Hoseok dreamt of a soft and sweet romance with a lot of kissing and hand holding; a happy relationship with someone he treasures. It feels like he never quite got that, not with Yoongi or the man he dated in college. Something’s always in the way and Hoseok is sick of that.
So sick of never having a proper relationship. Always struggling with everything.
Once he’s done with every plate and chopstick, Yoongi turns around, leaning against the green kitchen counter with his hips, his arms crossed over his chest. They look at each other in silence for a while like they are both getting used to being around each other.
“So you wanted to explain why you left,” Hoseok says when he can no longer bear the quietness of the room.
“I have to tell you about my childhood too so you get the whole picture,” Yoongi sighs, like it pains him. “I omitted a lot when I told you about the debt.”
A tiny frown appears on Hoseok’s forehead, surprised that the debt itself has something to do with the reason why Yoongi left. He didn’t even consider it.
“Okay, go ahead!” Hoseok nods.
Yoongi also nods, the muscle in his jaw clenching, then he takes a deep breath.
“It wasn’t a pretty childhood thanks to my father,” Yoongi begins. “He was a violent asshole that treated me and my mother like shit. He always took his anger out on her, just beating her if he so pleased and she would beg me to lay low, to not say anything, and I did. I’ve become part of the problem.”
“Hyung, but you were just a child,” Hoseok protests, unable to listen to Yoongi put himself on the same level as an abusive person. Hoseok knew him well enough to know that that wasn’t who he was. Just hearing him say that makes Hoseok so upset.
Yoongi lets out a huff, his eyes wandering toward the refrigerator.
“I’ve become part of the problem because just like him, I kept making bad decisions. I kept doing the wrong thing over and over again,” Yoongi continues, like Hoseok didn’t even say anything. “I got tired of it eventually. I wanted to be in the right for once so I planned to stand up to him finally. It made him angrier than I thought it would. My plan was to get a few bruises and go to the police. I didn’t expect them to listen to me so I anticipated that I would have to get beaten up a few times at least before they do something about him.”
Hoseok holds his breath. “Did the police do something about him?”
“I think I got lucky because they actually arrested him after the first time. It’s a little harder to deny domestic and child abuse when a sixteen years old boy walks into the police station with a knife in his shoulder.” There"s very little emotion to Yoongi’s voice as though he’s telling a story of another person and not his own.
The memory of the small, circular scar on his shoulder flashed across his mind’s eye, and Hoseok feels like he’s starting to understand a part of Yoongi’s personality that he never really questioned before. He gets it now why he kept classifying things as right and wrong. He understands now that Yoongi really has no problem putting himself in harm’s way to protect a loved one.
“He’s still serving, although not for long,” Yoongi adds, nonchalantly but Hoseok can’t imagine that his father getting out of jail isn’t scaring Yoongi. It would scare anyone.
Suddenly something clicks in his brain.
“You didn’t want to go to the hospital,” Hoseok whispers, remembering the violent reaction that he received when he suggested that he should call for help.
“I don’t want too many official records of me to exist because I don’t want him to find me easily,” Yoongi nods, finally looking back at Hoseok with a serious expression on his face.
Hoseok frowns as he thinks about Yoongi being only worried about his own safety.
“Your mother died?” he asks.
“Yeah, two years later. She couldn’t cope with her trauma and drank until she couldn’t. I tried to help her but I couldn’t. She was too lost in her mind,” Yoongi breathes. Even without saying it, Hoseok can see how much her mother meant to Yoongi. How could she not? It must’ve been a terrible experience to save her from a bad situation, thinking everything’s going to be better and then she never gets better. Hoseok’s stomach hurts just from thinking about it because he and Yoongi aren’t that different in this sense. Only Hoseok’s mother is finally better. “The debt was accumulated by my father and I only found out about it once I turned eighteen. I wanted to buy some time so I immediately joined the military since no one could bother me as long as I was serving the nation. Then I got out and I had to face the reality that I have to pay a fuck ton of money. I did all sorts of jobs before I realized boxing is the only way to pay it back before I die.”
Hoseok didn’t want to point out that judging from what Seokjin told him, he could’ve died in the ring as well. It felt like Yoongi was caught between a rock and a hard place for a long, long time now.
“Then you got a life-changing offer, didn’t you?”
“How do you know that?”
“Before you said goodbye a man in sunglasses came to my store to warn me about your upcoming match,” Hoseok explains.
Yoongi rolls his eyes at that, displeased. “Of course, he came to you. That noisy little fucker.”
“I was a little happy that I wasn’t in the dark about what’s happening with you,” Hoseok notes. He doesn’t mean to make the other feel bad by saying this but he does want Yoongi to know that he could’ve told him about the fight himself. Hoseok cared enough about him that he wanted to know if something so important was happening even if it was scary and dangerous.
Yoongi averts his eyes again, unfolding his arms. “Yeah, sorry. I just didn’t want to make it harder on you. I was so scared of everything; losing the match, missing out on that opportunity to pay back all the money and finally being free of that debt. I was scared to be with you then I was scared of not having you.” He presses his hand over his eyes, struggling with the burden of everything that was placed upon his shoulders. “I was scared someone would come after me for winning. Scared of someone finding you and using you against me. I knew I had to leave for a while. To clear my head and for things to settle down.”
Hoseok thinks he knows the fear that Yoongi was carrying with himself. Although he would say his own fears were a bit lighter, he understands Yoongi. He feels ashamed for throwing fruits at him now.
His hand falls back to his side and Yoongi looks at him once more with red eyes as he whispers, “I didn’t want to leave you. I wa–wanted to take you with me but your mother… I would never make you choose between the two of us. I swear I hated walking away from you so, so much. I’d rather fight a thousand men than do that aga—”
Unable to bear the distance between them any longer, Hoseok launches himself at Yoongi, hugging him tightly and Yoongi hugs him back immediately, burying his face into his shoulder. Hoseok is so close to crying because Yoongi didn’t want to leave him.
“Did you miss me?” Hoseok asks, his voice sounding shaky. He needs to hear it. He wants Yoongi to say it.
“Of course, I did,” Yoongi gasps in disbelief as he puts his chin on Hoseok’s shoulder instead. “Every day.”
“Did you really plan to come back to me the whole time?”
“Yeah. Hoseok-ah, I–” Yoongi holds him a little tighter. “I love you. I love you so fucking much. I knew I needed to stay away from you for a while and I really, really hated every second of it.”
Surprised, Hoseok pulls back just enough that he can see Yoongi’s tear-stained face.
“Are you sayin—”
“I’m saying I don’t want to leave you anymore and I want to date you. I want to be with you,” Yoongi clarifies. Hoseok can see it on his face that he means it and it’s sending his heart into overdrive. Still, some of his anxiety remains.
“Hyung, but you’ve changed so much. You look like you’re doing so well.” He hesitates for a second. “What if I’m wrong for you?”
Yoongi’s hands come up to his face, cradling him softly. “You’re not wrong or right. You just exist like a miracle.” His eyes are filled with longing and love as his thumb brushes Hoseok’s cheek. “I can’t believe you would even ask me that. I’ve been fighting for so long so that I can live a normal life but that all changed when I met you, when you stitched me up and held my hand through the night. No one has done that for me since—” Yoongi’s voice breaks and cracks, his words are only followed by a watery exhale, and Hoseok’s heart aches for him. Aches with every single emotion that he has ever felt towards Yoongi, overwhelmed by the fact that they love each other the exact same way.
He thinks of their first kiss that wasn’t really a kiss; it was just Yoongi pushing his lips against his, bloody and filled with pain and desperation.
He thinks of their second kiss that wasn’t really a kiss either; that was just for temporary goodbye without a promise of seeing each other again, bitterness mixing with sorrow.
When Yoongi leans his forehead against his, closing his eyes, Hoseok thinks this is it; their third kiss will be the one that really counts. Hoseok’s eyes fall shut as well and for a while, the only audible thing in the kitchen is their labored breathing, the only sensation is the anticipation building inside his stomach, the older’s breath caressing his face, his hands holding him like he’s precious. Hoseok realizes then that he wants Yoongi to initiate the kiss again, to close the gap between them, to do it properly so he keeps his arms around Yoongi but he doesn’t push or pull, doesn’t beg or demand anything. He just wants to be kissed.
Yoongi gently angles his face, his upper lip accidentally skimming his and Hoseok holds his breath, thinking the other will finally seal the gap between their lips but he doesn’t. One of his hands moves up to rub Yoongi’s back soothingly and encouragingly as he realizes that he’s hesitating because he’s nervous. Nervous to share a kiss with him that will mean something. Hoseok doesn’t mind standing here, in his kitchen, wrapped in Yoongi’s arm, breathing the same air and not kissing if that means that he can keep him close like this. Even if he’s burning with the need for Yoongi to prove to him how much he missed him and how much he loves him, he"ll endure it and he’ll wait for him.
Then it just occurs to Hoseok that he was so stunned by everything that Yoongi told him that he forgot to say one very important thing.
“I love you too,” Hoseok whispers, his lips curling up as the words leave his mouth. It’s so hard to stop the smile when it feels so good to finally say it out loud.
Yoongi chuckles quietly like he can’t believe what he’s hearing.
“I won’t ever be able to thank you enough for that,” Yoongi sighs, and Hoseok wants to tell him that he has no reason to thank him for anything; not when Yoongi is so worthy of love, not when it’s so easy to love him.
No other words are able to leave his mouth though because finally, Yoongi pushes forward and captures Hoseok’s lips. His heart glows with fondness as Yoongi kisses him softly and tenderly — almost like he’s scared that if he touches him with a little more force, Hoseok will shatter to dust and disappear.
Hoseok doesn’t think anyone kissed him like this before and he feels himself falling for Yoongi even harder. It’s everything that he has ever wanted and more; he dreamt of being kissed in a way that makes his entire body and soul sing with joy, he dreamt of being loved in a way that would consume him. When one of Yoongi’s hands slide down to his shoulder, the other to his wrist, pulling incredibly close, changing angles so Hoseok’s bottom lip is caught between his own, it feels like Hoseok has finally gotten the love he yearned for.
Then Yoongi bites down on his lip and Hoseok moans involuntarily, his desire returning at full force as the older takes advantage of his slightly open mouth, slipping his tongue in, tracing his teeth, and suddenly the rhythm of the kiss transforms from sweet and soft to hungry and greedy.
Hoseok likes this kiss just as much and matches the tempo that Yoongi dictates, kissing him back with the same intensity. On their own accord, his hands slide down, gripping Yoongi’s ass, pushing their crotch together and Yoongi lets out a pleased hum when he feels that Hoseok is getting turned on from his kisses. A second later, Hoseok’s back hits the refrigerator and Yoongi’s hips thrust forward, grinding against him and Hoseok pulls away from the kiss, panting. He needs air and he needs them to be in the bedroom as soon as possible.
“Hyung,” Hoseok groans as Yoongi’s hands slide under his shirt and his lips find the throbbing vein on the side of his neck. “Hyung.”
“I haven’t asked before,” Yoongi murmurs against his skin. “What do you like? I want you so much, need you so bad.” He nips at his pulse point and then soothes it with his tongue. “I want to be inside you, stretch you open, take you apart. ‘wanna see you come when I’m still inside you. I wanna see that dazed look you have on your face just before you come.”
Yoongi pulls back to look at him, his pupils blown wide and full of wants, as he rolls his hips against the others and this time Hoseok pushes forward too, their hips meeting halfway, making them both moan.
“Please,” Hoseok whispers with a shaky voice. “I want that. Want you so much.”
Yoongi’s hand closes around his waist, keeping him in place as he keeps grinding against him over and over again and Hoseok understands now why Yoongi said that he likes seeing him make himself come because the way Yoongi pushes forward, the way the clothed cocks rub together, it feels like Yoongi is just using his body to get off and turns Hoseok on more than he thought it would. There’s something so hot about Yoongi almost losing himself in the pleasure of his body but Hoseok wants to see him lose it when he’s inside him.
“Can we go to the bedroom, please?” Hoseok breathes and immediately Yoongi halts his movement.
“Yeah, okay, good idea,” Yoongi says breathlessly, then Hoseok wraps a hand around the other’s wrist and pulls him into his room. Hoseok gets on the bed, crawling to his nightstand to take out the lube and a condom and when he turns back, Yoongi is almost entirely naked except for the underwear that he’s still wearing. The sight of Yoongi made Hoseok pause at once because this is the first time he is seeing him undressed almost fully. It’s also the first time he sees Yoongi’s body without any kind of bruising. His stomach churns with an overwhelming amount of need and want.
No one’s body gets him as hard as Yoongi’s; the lines and the curves of his figure, his biceps, his chest, his thighs, they all got him leaking in his underwear. Although his abs aren’t visible, he knows that if Yoongi flexed his stomach, he would see that muscle as well. It nearly makes Hoseok drool.
“Are you okay?” Yoongi asks, playfully and knowingly. Hoseok can barely tear his eyes away from the wet spot that’s forming on the front of Yoongi’s underwear. He thinks maybe Yoongi likes being stared at like this a little too much.
“I would be better if your fingers were in me,” Hoseok shoots back, frowning. He doesn’t like that the older is taunting him.
“I can arrange that for you, baby,” Yoongi says easily, then his hands are around Hoseok’s hips again, pulling him under him. Hoseok almost wants to complain about being manhandled except he likes it and makes his cock twitch every time. He doesn’t want Yoongi to stop showing off how strong he is.
Yoongi takes the lube and the condom from him, putting it aside, and then he leans down to kiss Hoseok sweetly. Hoseok wraps his arms and legs around Yoongi, pulling him in and clinging to him.
“I would sure hope so, baby,” Hoseok says, stealing the pet name Yoongi has given him.
“I can’t do it though if you don’t let me go,” Yoongi points out.
“What if I don’t want to let you go?”
Yoongi’s hand sneaks between their bodies, traveling down, down, down until he’s pressing his palm against the younger’s cock, massaging it ligthly through his pants. Hoseok gasps at the stimulation, trying to lift his hip to chase the friction but Yoongi is pushing him into the mattress, weighing him down.
“Are you sure you want to do that?” Yoongi asks, raising his eyebrows. “I promise you’ll like my fingers more when they are inside you.” He leans in, lips pressed to Hoseok"s ears. “I love your hands, you know. They are so dainty and delicate. Very, very pretty. I bet it feels nice when you’re fingering yourself but it’s going to feel so much nicer if you let me do it. I’ll fill you up so nicely that every time you try to get yourself off with your fingers, it won’t be enough anymore. You’ll think about me every time you touch yourself.”
Hoseok can’t suppress the moan that slips out of his mouth at the combination of Yoongi’s words and the small friction that he’s creating with his hand. He doesn’t want to tell him that he already thinks about him each time he tries to get off and that in the back of his mind, he always thinks that Yoongi would touch him better.
He likes that cockiness, that confidence that Yoongi seems to exude whenever they are doing something sexual. It must come from the fact that he’s more experienced than Hoseok. He only slept with two people in his life but he doesn’t feel insecure about their apparent difference in the number of sexual partners. Hoseok realizes he’s making an assumption about Yoongi. He only said that he had one night stands but he never said that he had a lot of them.
“Before I let you go, I have a question,” Hoseok announces.
Yoongi gives him a curious look. “Ask away, Seok-ah.”
“Have you slept with a lot of people? Not that it matters to me because it doesn’t. It’s fine if you did and it’s fine if you didn’t. I’m not jud—”
Yoongi interrupts him with a fleeting kiss. “Calm down. You’re not insulting me by asking that. Yes, I have a long time ago but that was just practice so I would know how to please you the way you deserved to be pleased.”
Hoseok smiles at him rightly, entertained by the idea of it.
“Oh, so you knew that we would meet and fall in love,” he observes. “You were just preparing for me.”
“Exactly,” Yoongi jokes, winking at him. “I would do anything for you.”
Even if they are joking around, Hoseok believes the last bit with his whole heart. He finally lets Yoongi go but not before leaning up to kiss him, making a little pleased noise at the back of his throat. Yoongi pulls away just for a second before he changes his mind and kisses Hoseok again, with passion and love.
“It’s so hard to stop myself from kissing you,” Yoongi whispers, and Hoseok is so pleased to hear those words. It feels good to know that the Yoongi is also having trouble pulling away, putting distance between them.
“Wanna keep kissing me forever?”
Yoongi groans. “Fuck yeah.”
Then they are kissing again and Hoseok think he’ll never get tired of this; feeling so wanted, feeling like their love burns at the same intensity, feeling like all this time Yoongi carried half of his soul with him and now that they are together, their halves are melting together, becoming a whole. They feel so right for each other.
Hoseok run his hands over his naked upper body, feeling giddy when he feels the older’s rapid heartbeat against his palm. Then his hands are on his stomach which twitches involuntarily under his touch. Eventually, his fingers graze Yoongi’s underwear.
“You know, it’s really unfair that you’re still fully dressed,” Yoongi says, pulling away after he breaks the kiss.
“I never said you can’t undress me,” Hosoek points out. Realizing that the other has released him, Yoongi pulls back to sit in between the other’s thighs, his hand immediately reaching to unbutton his pants.
Hoseok moves his upper body so he can help and take off his shirt. As soon as he’s done, he reaches for the lube and throws it at Yoongi, hitting him in the chest.
The older looks at him, clearly feigning annoyance as he’s pulling his pants down. “Are you having fun throwing things at me?”
Even if he’s just kidding, Hoseok feels his cheek go warm from shame.
“I’m sorry for doing that. I wasn’t really thinking,” Hoseok confesses. He doesn’t want Yoongi to think that he will just continue to throw things at him whenever he feels like it or if he’s angry.
“It’s okay. I’d have been surprised and a little worried if you didn’t have any kind of reaction to seeing me,” Yoongi shrugs, throwing Hoseok’s pants behind him
“Why?”
“If you’re not upset with me then that means that you have moved on. I didn’t want you to move on,” Yoongi says truthfully. Hoseok sees the sense in that; he did have an over the top, ridiculous reaction because he still loves Yoongi and he was hurt by him leaving. “I was happy on the inside when you started marching toward me. Wanted to hug you and hold you so badly.”
“I love you,” Hoseok smiles. “I promise to only throw my love at you.”
“And I promise to catch it every time,” Yoongi adds. “Now can you stop being cute? I’m trying to fuck you here.”
Hoseok puts his hand up in surrounder, lifting his hip so Yoongi can pull down his underwear finally. Yoongi’s eyes fall to his crotch and exhales sharply.
“God,” Yoongi says, and Hoseok thinks he’ll elaborate but he doesn’t.
“What?”
“It’s just… You look like you might come before I’m finished stretching you. Do you think you can last?”
Hoseok looks down at himself. His cock is embarrassingly wet and red, Yoongi is making a very good point.
“I–I haven’t been with anyone for… Yeah, just go slow! If it’s not too much, I think I can last long enough,” Hoseok tells him.
Yoongi’s lips find his inner thigh, pressing a kiss there. “Don’t worry, I haven’t either. I won’t last long once I’m inside you.”
Finally, the older uncaps the lube and Hoseok feels a new wave of lust hit him. He’s trying hard not to imagine how good Yoongi will feel.
“There’s always a second round,” Hoseok notes, looking down at the other who’s currently warming up the lube a little.
“You’re already thinking about the second round?” Yoongi asks, sounding surprised, eyes sparkling with something unreadable. “So greedy. I like it.” He pushes Hoseok’s thigh to his body, giving himself more space to work with, then Hoseok feels his finger pressing against his hole.
“You deprived me of you. How can I not be greedy?” Hoseok says quickly, afraid he’ll lose his train of thought once Yoongi pushes in. He intends to have him in every way possible, kiss him until their lips are bruised, and keep touching him until Yoongi’s no longer leaning into his touch like he’s starving for it.
“Fair point,” he agrees, then his finger is sliding in slowly but confidently. Hoseok grips the bed sheet as he realizes just how right Yoongi was; it does feel different by a lot, compared to his own fingers. It’s longer and thicker and so much nicer.
Yoongi watches his face with an intense look like he’s making sure that he’s not hurting him or perhaps he’s just eager to see his reaction to the way he moves his fingers in and out of him.
Soon enough Yoongi slips in another finger and curses under his breath. Hoseok’s grip tightens, eyes falling shut as he feels Yoongi scissor his fingers inside him and he’s almost entirely sure that the older is purposefully avoiding brushing against his prostate. He’s both thankful and enraged by this. He doesn’t want to come just yet but this barely existing pleasure that"s slowly heating up his veins is driving him crazy. He wants to move his hips, get himself off on Yoongi"s hand and he has to remind himself that Yoongi is planning to get him off with something much better than just his fingers.
“You look frustrated,” Yoongi teases, annoying as always.
“I’m ready,” Hoseok says.
“I don’t think so,” he chuckles but the sound quickly dies down once Hoseok clenches around his fingers.
“If you keep doing this, I’ll either come or I’ll go insane,” Hoseok threatens lightheartedly but Yoongi doesn’t listen and pushes a third finger into him.
“I’ll take my chances,” Yoongi says as he leans down to kiss his way up to the other’s lips. Hoseok tries to regulate his breathing, to calm down his body but it’s difficult not to pay attention to what the other is doing.
Then he feels Yoongi pulling his hand away and sees him reaching for the condom and Hoseok quickly looks up at the ceiling, trying to avoid coming just from the sight that the other provides. Weirdly enough, the memory of their first meeting flashes through his mind; Yoongi’s awkward, polite demeanor, the fact that Hoseok immediately developed a crush on him without knowing anything about him, that stupid warm egg comment that he only made because he wanted to make a good impression on Yoongi.
“Why are you smiling?” Yoongi asks suddenly.
Hoseok looks down at him, feeling like death when he sees how hard the older is from touching him.
“Warm egg,” he answers as Yoongi leans over him and braces himself with a hand next to his head as he lines himself up and starts sinking into him. “Oh, fuck,” Hoseok adds, grasping the older"s shoulders.
Yoongi groans in a way that feels like he’s very much agreeing with him. He pauses once he is fully seated inside, giving them both time to adjust
“You were so cute,” Yoongi breathes, his stomach twitching when Hoseok accidentally clenches around him. “And you’re cute and hot right now.”
“Shut up,” Hoseok whispers, feeling so overwhelmed by everything.
Yoongi gives him a cheeky smile and then surprises Hoseok when he straightens up, his hands closing around the younger’s hips once more, lifting Hoseok’s lower body in the air as he rises to kneel on the bed.
“Ahh, fuck ,” he repeats. Yoongi really is a menace, and Hoseok both loves and hates him for it.
Yoongi looks a little more than proud of himself as he starts moving. There’s nothing soft or slow about the way he fucks Hoseok, it feels like he said goodbye to his self-control finally and just let himself go. It makes Hoseok cry out in pleasure, his head falling back, enjoying every single thing that the other is doing to him. He especially loves his hands on his hips, secretly hoping that it will leave a mark on him, that he can look into the mirror tomorrow and see the evidence of Yoongi’s love on his body. He wants that. He wants all of Yoongi.
“Look at you,” Yoongi muses, panting. “Hyung’s pretty baby. Knew you wo–would feel so good.”
Hyung’s pretty baby.
The words echo inside Hoseok’s head.
“Hyung,” he whines, one of his hands wrapping around Yoongi’s wrist like he needs more physical contact. He thinks he might go mad either from Yoongi’s sweet words or from the hungry look on his face… Or from the way his muscles flex from exertions. It’s too hard to decide which is the deadliest of the three.
“What is it?” Yoongi asks, almost innocently as he shifts his hip, finally nailing Hoseok’s prostate dead on. Hoseok"s mind goes blank, his mouth falling open and he’s not sure if he’s making any noise because all he can concentrate on is the pleasure building inside his stomach as Yoongi keeps thrusting in, rubbing against his prostate mercilessly. His thighs squeeze around Yoongi’s hip, shaking and trembling almost violently.
“Are you close?” Yoongi asks, his voice straining.
It takes a few seconds for him to understand his question, then Hoseok is nodding repeatedly.
“Thank fuck,” Yoongi whispers as he lowers him back to the bed. Hoseok doesn’t have time to complain because as soon as Yoongi’s hands are free, one of them is around his cock, jerking him off in rhythm with his thrust. With the newfound ability to move, he doesn’t know whether he wants to rut up into the older’s hand or meet his thrust. It"s all too much and he’s so, so close.
Yoongi’s lips press to the side of his face gently compared to the brutal rhythm of his hips.
“I’m gonna come, gon’ come,” Hoseok moans as Yoongi unrelentingly pushes inside him.
“Show Hyung how pr–pretty you look when you c–come,” Yoongi groans, somehow his voice sounds even lower and Hoseok knows he’s close too. Neither of them can hold on for too long. Yoongi tries to kiss him but Hoseok can’t stop the little ahhs slipping out of his lips long enough to kiss him back, too lost in his own pleasure. “Love you so much,” he whispers against the younger’s mouth.
Suddenly, his body sizes him, vision going white as he comes hard. Yoongi keeps going and Hoseok can hear him mumbling ( —love you—the best that—I love— ) before a loud high-pitched moan leaves Yoongi’s mouth as well and then he’s coming too, following Hoseok in his blissful state, filling up the condom.
Hoseok slowly opens his eyes and sees Yoongi above him, sweat dripping down the side of his face, his lips bitten raw and looking so beautiful that Hoseok can’t help stop himself from gripping Yoongi’s chin and crashing their lips together.
Yoongi immediately kisses back as though he’s some princess awakened by his true love’s kiss. The thought of Yoongi as Snow White enters Hoseok’s mind and he starts giggling against his lips. Yoongi lowers himself onto Hoseok, his head slipping down to his shoulder.
“Why are you always so cheery?” Yoongi mumbles, barely clinging to consciousness, lips brushing to Hoseok’s neck.
“Because of you,” Hoseok replies, wrapping his arm around Yoongi’s back.
Hoseok wakes up half an hour later, cold and horny.
Panicked, he looks to the side and relaxes when he sees that Yoongi is an arm"s length away, sleeping on his stomach with the blanket tangled between his legs. Hoseok sighs, feeling stupid that he got so scared after Yoongi explicitly told him that he doesn’t want to leave him anymore. It might take some getting used to.
He shifts closer to Yoongi, pressing against his side, and traces a finger down the other’s spine, amused by the goosebumps that erupt in his trail. He presses a kiss to Yoongi’s shoulder just because he can. Then another kiss between his shoulder blades and suddenly he’s hit with the urge to kiss him all over.
He wanted to do just that before when he was giving him a blowjob on his couch. At that time, he thought it was too much, too intimate but now he doesn’t have to worry about that. He pushes himself up and straddles Yoongi’s hips, leaning down to kiss the back of his neck. Another realization hits him that he hasn’t touched Yoongi’s new hair yet.
He threads his fingers through his long black hair, wrapping it around his index finger as he marvels at how soft his hair is. He buries his nose into his hair, just like Yoongi did to him, breathing him in and he understands why he did it. His scent is enough to make his stomach flip, to churn with want. It’s addicting.
Yoongi makes a little mhhm noise, not entirely asleep anymore.
Hoseok lets his hair go and moves to press kisses across his neck then down his shoulder and down his spine. Yoongi’s skin, despite the scars, is so soft and smooth. Hoseok could spend hours worshiping him with his lips and he would never get tired of it. It’s both calming and exhilarating somehow – to be allowed to touch Yoongi like this because he knows he likes it. He traces the little moles on his back, counting them in his head, taking note of each one.
He wishes he could kiss away all the pain that Yoongi had to endure in his life. Hoseok wants to make him happy — fill him up with his love until his heart is full and glowing, smother him with his affection, spoil him until all his needs are satisfied. That’s what he really wants.
For now, all he can do is ignore his own aching cock and focus on covering Yoongi in kisses. His tongue darts out every once in a while tasting his sweat and skin as he travels from the middle of his back up to his neck again.
Yoongi lets out another soft noise when Hoseok puts his hands on his shoulder, gently rubbing the back of his neck with his palm. He can feel a knot there. His touch becomes a bit firmer, trying to work out the spot. He’s sure his neck has been bothering Yoongi for a while so he does his best to help him release that bit of tension.
“You’re setting the bar a little too high,” Yoongi mumbles, all tired and sleepy.
Hoseok’s hands pause on his neck as he stares at the side of Yoongi’s face, surprised to see him already awake.
“What do you mean?”
“I meant you’re setting the bar too high by waking me up with a massage. I’ll be expecting it every morning from now on,” he sighs, and Hoseok stays frozen on top of him.
‘Every morning?’ his mind echoes.
Then Yoongi must realize what he said because his eyes widen, looking more awake as he breathes, “Oh.”
“Can you turn around?” Hoseok asks softly, raising onto his knees.
Yoongi only hesitates for a second before he turns to lie on his back. It’s a little embarrassing to be hard on top of him when Hoseok’s about to ask him something important but the fact that Yoongi wasn’t unaffected by his touches eases his mind, he can clearly feel the proof of that under the blanket.
Hoseok’s fingertips skim Yoongi’s chest gently.
“So…” Hoseok clears his throat. “You don’t really have a place right now, do you?”
Yoongi shakes his head.
“I didn’t really think that far,” he confesses. “My priority was to fix things with you.”
“So you would need to go apartment hunting, right?” Hoseok probes and when Yoongi nods, he continues, “Or you could move in with me.”
“What?”
Hoseok gets a little more embarrassed when Yoongi’s eyes widen, feeling almost too vulnerable for him to bear.
“You don’t want to leave me anymore and I don’t want you to leave either. If you want, you could move in,” Hoseok explains, drawing anxious little circles on the other’s chest. “I’m planning to get a teaching job, another part-time job, and when you start working, we could get a bigger place so it’ll be more comfortable for Tangie. I think this place is a little too small for him. But I understand if this is too fast for you. I mean we haven’t re—”
“No, no! I like your idea,” Yoongi assures him, his hands sliding up to Hoseok’s thighs. “And I like how thoughtful you are. Always so sweet.”
Hoseok bends forward, his forehead meeting with Yoongi’s shoulder. Yoongi wraps his arms around him immediately.
“I just love you a lot,” Hoseok whispers.
“I love you too,” Yoongi sighs. “Does this mean you’ll actually wake me up with a massage every morning?”
“I guess we’ll see,” he answers. The infamous scar on his shoulder taunts him so Hoseok presses his lips to it in reverence. “But this means that we are together fully, right? In a relationship, I mean.”
“Yeah, of course.”
Hoseok lifts his head, catching the older’s gaze and a big smile spreads over his face. “I’m your first relationship.”
Yoongi looks genuinely happy at that revelation for a second before a more serious expression appears on his face.
“I wouldn’t say that I’ve been waiting for someone because that would be a lie. I didn’t really think I would get to date anyone for a few more years at least,” he explains, his hands absentmindedly rubbing Hoseok"s naked sides. “I stupidly thought that if I did meet someone that I like sooner than I expected, I would be able to stay away. For their sake. I was so wrong. I’m sorry for putting you through all this but I can’t lie and say that I don’t like the outcome.
“I’m glad you couldn’t stay away,” Hoseok giggles, then he leans up and kisses Yoongi. His lips part almost immediately, letting their tongues brush against each other’s and he makes a happy little sound. He loves kissing him so much — it’s quickly becoming his new favorite thing. He loves the way he can feel so close to him with such a simple act, it’s just their lips sliding over each other smoothly, teeth pulling on the bottom lip and a tongue tracing another and yet it’s so much more. The way Yoongi’s hands are holding onto him, the way their cheeks flush, and the way their heart races from excitement; it all feels so intense and Hoseok is hyper-aware of every little detail.
He wants to keep kissing him but he hasn’t forgotten his plan to do the same with Yoongi’s other scars either. Reluctantly, he pulls away and tries to not get distracted by the other’s wet, pink lips and warm, dark eyes. He traces a path down to the scar on his ribs, covering it with his kisses. Yoongi hasn’t told him how he got it yet but he’s sure he’ll bring it up when he wants to walk about it. He travels down his body diagonally, finally reaching the one that Hoseok helped him with. He makes sure to put extra love into it when his lips find it.
Yoongi’s breath hitches, and Hoseok looks up at him. Yoongi’s eyes keep flickering between Hoseok and a spot on the wall like he doesn’t know what to do with himself, like he’s embarrassed. Hoseok finds it particularly amusing that the other seem to have a lot of confidence when his mind is set on pleasing Hoseok but as soon as the attention is on him, he looks uncertain and deeply affected. Maybe even a little shy too.
“I want to take care of you, hyungie.” Another kiss to his stomach then he brings himself closer to Yoongi’s face, circling his hips against the other’s. Yoongi inhales sharply. “Can I? I want to make you feel—”
It all happens so fast; faster than Hoseok could even process. One second he’s on top of him and in the next second, he’s on his back while Yoongi quickly descends on his body, his mouth open and his hand moving with purpose.
“Wai—” Before Hoseok could explain this isn’t what he meant, it was already too late because his cock is already in Yoongi’s mouth and a finger has easily slipped inside his hole thanks to the leftover lube and the fact that he’s still very, very loose. Hoseok’s back arches as he lets out a loud, surprised moan, and Yoongi’s finger goes even deeper. His whole face flushes because Yoongi wants him this much? He wasted no time. As soon as Hoseok let him know that he wanted to have sex, he reacted like he had been waiting for him to ask.
It’s a little silly that Yoongi apparently thinks this is all Hoseok wants. No, he wants more than this but it takes him an incredible amount of willpower to put a stop to what Yoongi is doing to him. It would be so easy to just grab Yoongi’s hair and fuck his mouth again while his fingers are buried deep inside him. It’d be so painfully easy.
“Hyung, stop,” Hoseok whines once he finds his voice again, and Yoongi pauses immediately, pulling away to look at him with wide, almost surprised eyes. “No, no, no! You didn’t do anything wrong. This just isn’t what I meant when I said I want to take care of you.”
Yoongi cocks his head. “Oh?”
“I want to fuck you too if you’re into that,” Hoseok clarifies, the tip of his ears burning like a flame. “If not then you—”
“I’m definitely into that. I’m into whatever you want to do,” Yoongi interrupts him quickly, turning his body around and planting his thighs on the sides of Hoseok’s head.
Hoseok blinks, completely stunned.
“Are you—You’re insane,” he states but he’s already searching for the lube with his hand blindly because he can’t take his eyes off of him. Yoongi’s right there, above him, all hard and pretty and accessible for him.
“What? Why should you have all the fun?” Yoongi says with a challenging tone in his voice that makes Hoseok smile. “The good old sixty-nine lets us both have fun.”
“I’m going to make you come so hard that it will shut up that smart ass mouth of yours,” Hoseok threatens lightly as he covers his fingers with lube then hands it over to Yoongi when he sees him reaching for it.
“I hope you do, baby,” Yoongi says, and Hoseok can hear the smile in his voice.
Hoseok puts his hand on the other’s ass, spreading him, and he has to take a deep breath at the realization that he’s going to finger Yoongi while the other plans to do the same. His toes curl when the delicious desire floods his brain again. He doesn’t have much time to think about it because Yoongi’s finger, now fully lubed up, is pushing into him again, and he doesn’t want to be left behind so he pushes his finger against Yoongi’s hole, watching it slowly but surely disappear in him.
Yoongi latches onto his thigh, sucking at the skin there and groaning. Hoseok tries to enjoy the way the older becomes looser around him but Yoongi is very distracting. Maybe that was his plan but two can play this game.
Yoongi’s cock is right there, all shiny and red and perfect. Hoseok could suck him off, punish him a little but teasing him sounds much better. He sticks out his tongue and leans up to touch just the very tip of his cock with his tongue, drawing small circles on the sensitive head, while he inserts the second finger into Yoongi, thrusting them in much harder this time. The older’s thighs visibly shake and his finger slows down inside him enough that Hoseok feels like he’s winning.
His tongue pokes into his slit for a second then Hoseok takes the head into his mouth, sucking hard, and Yoongi moans, his finger slipping out of the younger. All Hoseok can feel is the other’s labored breath on his thigh and cock. This encourages him to keep going — keep scissoring his fingers and teasing him with his tongue and mouth.
“Ah, you little—” Yoongi cuts himself off by swallowing down Hoseok"s length without hesitation. Hoseok groans around him, his hips kicking up, chasing the heat of the other’s mouth. He feels the competitiveness drain from his body as the pleasure starts pooling inside his stomach.
Suddenly, he doesn’t want to play this game anymore.
“Okay, enough,” Hoseok pants. “I think you’re ready.”
Yoongi lets out one more little noise then he pulls off entirely.
“How do you want me?” he asks breathlessly.
“On your back. I wanna see your pretty face,” Hoseok informs and so they switch their positions but not without Hoseok catching sight of Yoongi’s red cheeks. He wonders if he’s red because of his words.
As soon as Yoongi is on his back, Hoseok kisses him softly and tenderly, and all fight leaves both of their bodies. Something much sweeter and lovelier settles over them, covering them tightly — it feels a lot like love. Hoseok has to remind himself that that’s because they are in love with each other.
Hoseok kneels back and carefully studies the view in front of him — Yoongi’s flushed cheeks, his heaving chest, the line of his body, all the muscles. It’s an overwhelming feeling to have someone like Yoongi under him, all pliant and wanting.
“Are we ever going to address your obvious muscle kink?” Yoongi asks quietly.
Hoseok’s face starts burning too. “Not today.”
He quickly tucks a pillow under Yoongi’s lower back, hoping that his dick is good enough to distract him from that specific topic. It really doesn’t need to be addressed ever. Once he has a condom on, he pushes his cock to Yoongi’s entrance and starts pushing in slowly. They both moan when the tip pops inside and then it edges deeper and deeper into Yoongi.
Hoseok pauses once he’s fully in, giving them both some time to take a few breaths and get used to the sensation. He has to admit to himself that Yoongi is overwhelming in every sense of the word; his presence, his touch, his words, his actions, and even this — being inside him. Every emotion that runs through him feels too much for his chest to bear. He feels so needy that even now he wants to get closer to Yoongi somehow. It’s impossible but he tries anyway.
He braces his forearm on the side of Yoongi’s head, his fingertips skimming his neck as Hoseok kisses his temple. Yoongi takes a big gulp of air then his arms and legs wrap around the younger, pulling him closer as though he needs Hoseok as much as Hoseok needs him.
“I love you,” Hoseok whispers as he starts moving his hips, thrusting out then in unhurriedly. They did it hard and fast earlier so he wants this to be soft and slow. He wants to remember their second time just as well as the first one.
“Love you too,” Yoongi sighs. Hoseok’s heart warms up even more.
He brushes Yoongi’s hair off his forehead because he wants to be able to see his face completely. He looks so pretty, so beautiful, so— There are no words that are fully able to describe the way Yoongi looks right now. Hoseok needs to invent a new word just for him.
Yoongi shudders as Hoseok noses along his cheek, his thrust never pausing even for a second, continuously dictating the same slow movement of in and out, never picking up the speed or slowing down. It feels so intimate and sensual the way the pleasure simmers in their bodies.
“Pretty hyung,” Hoseok mumbles. “So pretty for me. ‘wanna make you feel so good.”
“Seok-ah, you always make hyung feel good,” Yoongi answers, voice hoarse and saccharine. His words feel like warm milk and honey and Hoseok wants to drown in him. “So perfect, baby. I wish I could—I wish—” His tone turns uneven and watery, tears appearing in the corner of his eyes.
“What do you wish for?” Hoseok asks gently.
“I don’t kno—You. Just you. More you.”
Hoseok thinks that Yoongi must be overflowing with love as well. They are so well connected, so in sync.
“I know,” he nods and kisses him while one of his hands wraps around Yoongi’s cock, finally giving him more attention and picking up the rhythm with his hips, shifting and angling his body to find the older’s prostate.
Yoongi kisses him back and it’s needy and desperate enough to convince Hoseok to go even faster. He wants to see Yoongi come undone underneath him. Wants to see him shaking and trembling all because of him. Needs him to say his name over and over again, tell him how much he loves him like that’s the only thing that matters.
The kisses stop when Hoseok finally hits his prostate just right and Yoongi’s fingers dig into his back desperately. He pulls back to admire the sight of his boyfriend and feels so satisfied that when he rolls his hips again, Yoongi’s eyes roll back as a response. He keeps going, doing the same motion over and over again while his hand around the older’s cock matches the same rhythm, increasing the strength of his grip ever so slightly.
“Please, please–so close, close, Seokie! Don"t stop,” Yoongi chants and so Hoseok obeys. He can feel that he’s nearing the edge too but he’s adamant about making the other come before him.
It doesn’t take much more than a few more thrusts and Yoongi is coming all over his fist and his stomach, some variation of Hoseok’s name falling from his lips over and over again. He clenches around Hoseok hard and even though Hoseok wants to hold out a little longer so he can fully enjoy Yoongi’s noises and expression, he can’t prolong his orgasm any longer. He buries his cock in his boyfriend completely and comes too.
Hoseok thinks he’s seeing stars, although they might just be Yoongi’s eyes through his blurry vision. He’s not too sure, he"s too caught up in his own pleasure and the way Yoongi starts petting his hair softly.
Once he’s aware enough of his surroundings again, he pulls out and lays down with his head on the older’s chest. Just like Yoongi did to him earlier.
“My Hoseok-ah,” Yoongi breathes, his fingers still playing with the younger’s hair.
Hoseok looks up at him and smiles. “My Yoongi-hyung.”
Hoseok wraps his arm around Yoongi, resting his chin on his shoulder as he watches the other cook lunch for them. He thinks it’s going to take a while for all this to truly set in; that Yoongi is his boyfriend now, that they are going to live together, that he doesn’t have to be scared of him leaving anymore, that Yoongi wants and needs him just as much. It’s a lot to take in, almost too good to be true, and yet it’s all real. The fact that Yoongi is in his kitchen is proof of all that. Because Yoongi wants to be here and there isn’t another place he would rather be.
There isn’t another place Hoseok would rather be either.
“Should we pick up Tangie after lunch?” Hoseok asks dreamily. He wonders if the cat will eventually get used to them having to share Yoongi’s attention because now that he has him, there’s no way Hoseok will let some cat bully him off his boyfriend’s chest.
“Yeah, let’s do that!” Yoongi agrees, smiling.
“Then after that let’s go to the store to buy tangerines,” Hoseok suggests. “You could finally meet my mom.”
Yoongi swallows audibly. “God, Hoseok-ah! Can you give a guy a week at least? To get used to all this?” Hoseok can’t stop the giggle that bursts out of him. “Are you perhaps planning to propose to me next week? There’s no need to hurry.”
“Please, don’t give me ideas,” Hoseok says and kisses Yoongi’s neck.
“And yet you call me menace.”
“Takes one to know one,” he points out cleverly.
Hoseok hopes that they will always be like this; just lovingly bickering over nothing. This doesn’t feel lonely at all. This feels a lot like coming home, like finding your soulmate, like finding a dry place from the endless rain.
It feels like love that will last.
The next time Hoseok visits his sister’s grave, he brings Yoongi with him too because he wants to introduce them officially. He has complained and gushed enough about Yoongi that she has to meet him at this point.
Yoongi is very polite as he bows before the grave and then crouches down next to Hoseok. He listens to the random stories that Hoseok tells him, smiling and cooing at times. It feels good to have Yoongi with him.
It feels good that his sister could finally meet his person.