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Luke sighed, leaning heavily against the balcony and trying to find some sense of peace.
Coruscant was always loud and constantly in motion. He missed quiet evenings. He didn't have them very often anymore. The estate that he currently resided in (because he didn’t live here, dammit, no matter what anyone else insisted) was obnoxiously large and the grounds were quite extensive. Even still, the sounds of traffic and life that existed on a world such as this one were not easily kept at bay.
It had become a habit of his to stand out here at the end of the day and engage in wishful thinking.
Wishful thinking was all he had anymore, it seemed.
Luke shook his head, watching a few fireflies down in the garden start to twinkle and float around. They were a stupid bug, as far as the general intelligence of bugs went… but he liked looking at them. He tugged slightly at the collar of his shirt, trying to relieve some of the discomfort – he detested these formal clothes and would burn them all if he ever had the opportunity.
But… no. Luke sighed through his nose, trying not to scowl.
He was playing along.
Being cooperative and good and not causing any problems or giving anyone any reason to think he wanted anything different then this.
It wasn’t true, of course. Quite frankly, he was as unhappy as he’d ever been in his life. Training was brutal and painful, leaving him sore and hurt and injured, and the constant pressure to Fall to the Dark Side was beginning to take its heavy toll. His shitty prosthetic ached something fierce on a constant, daily basis, and he had nothing to relieve the pain with… and so long as he stayed here, he never would. The damn thing was designed to hurt and complaining to a quadruple amputee was a fruitless endeavor in terms of gaining sympathy.
It would only serve to put him out of favor and that was a dangerous place to be, depending on his father’s mood. And sometimes… sometimes it felt like he was only worth something to the man if he could handle the pain.
Luke was lonely enough to admit to himself that he wanted to feel like he was worth something. He was exhausted and tired of putting on a show; especially when everyone around him knew that it was a show.
What was worse was that all of this was becoming normal.
So he made sure to come out here at the end of the day and try to find some semblance of peace and quiet. To remember how things should be and that this routine he was falling into wasn’t all that there was.
And someone… someone was approaching him from behind, their movements cautious but sure.
Luke briefly touched the Force but sensed no ill-intent.
A servant, perhaps.
“Leave me,” He snapped, trying to reign in his unease. Luke hadn’t called on anyone and everyone knew better than to approach him without his explicit permission now. “I don’t want to be bothered right now.”
He didn’t talk to the servants anymore.
Not for anything outside of strict necessity. Luke was technically royalty – and if only for their survival and his, he’d accepted the role and would enforce his expectations. And he’d learned through painful experience to keep his distance. The servants were allowed to do their jobs but that was it.
“You look very much like your father.”
Luke stiffened and whirled around.
“I said – ”
He froze at the sight of someone he didn’t recognize.
The Togruta woman was orange, with distinctive white facial markings and blue and white striped montrails. But it was less her species that gave him pause and more how she was dressed. She wore a dark cloak, reminiscent of a Jedi’s, with the hood lowered so that her face was visible to him. It was open and Luke could see that her clothes underneath were dark. She had dual lightsabers clipped to her belt.
“Who are you?” Luke demanded, straightening up.
The Togruta smiled at him and it stood out to him that her eyes were kind.
“A friend. My name is Ahsoka Tano.” She introduced herself with a slight dip of her head. “I’m here to offer you a way out of here and off of Coruscant.”
Luke snorted, shaking his head and taking a small step back. There wasn’t room to go anywhere though and he felt somewhat cornered against the balcony.
“You should leave,” He warned quietly. In the Force, he briefly checked the bond he shared with Vader and sensed that his father was distracted by something else. He wasn’t paying attention.
Yet.
“Return the same way you entered and I won’t tell anyone I saw you.” Luke began to turn back around, intent on pretending that this had never happened.
“You won’t even consider coming?” Ahsoka asked before he could. Her expression was still calm.
Luke gave her a look. “If you came all the way here to try and help me, then you probably know what happened to the ones that have already tried. I’m not interested in having anyone else’s blood on my hands. And I no longer consider myself a member of the Rebel Alliance.”
Praise be to the Empire, Luke thought sarcastically. And may it prosper forever. The phrase was a well worn and familiar one now. It felt like chains around his neck. The Force seemed to darken slightly around him and he quickly pushed those thoughts away, trying to smooth it out and invite the light back.
Too many lives had been lost on his account. He wouldn’t stand for another, even if it meant siding with the Empire.
“You are not responsible for those deaths, Luke Skywalker.”
“Tell that to their families.” Luke snapped at her bitterly. “I’ve accepted my place here and you should too, unless you want to die like the others.”
“Your father won’t kill me.” Ahsoka said simply, her lips twitching upwards. “Trust me – we have a long history. In any case, it’s a chance I’m willing to take.”
“Mm.” Luke hummed, unimpressed. “Yeah, I’m sure it’s a bitter rivalry, many decades in the making. Take my advice and let it go. Leave while you can.”
Ahsoka did smile then. “Not a rivalry,” She corrected, stepping forward towards him for the first time. “Anakin was my Jedi master in the days of the Republic. I considered him to be a brother, of sorts. He was a good man and a very good friend. Had things not turned out how they did, I may have even had the honor of calling you my nephew.”
Luke was stunned, staring at her with wide eyes now. That – that was different. He hadn’t known, never even considered such a thing was possible…. He hardly knew what to do with the information, suddenly torn between elation and hurt.
He hated Vader – he was horrible, a possessive, raging monster who had done more to hurt Luke than any fifty people combined ever had. And… yet, Luke loved him all the same. Fiercely, to such an extent that even he didn’t understand. Feared him and respected him equally. He wanted to kill him and be free of this hell and at the same time, he desperately wanted to save him.
Luke wasn’t even certain that he wouldn’t try and protect his father if someone else other than him tried to kill him.
It kept him awake at night and was a source of self-loathing. Luke was certain that any Darkness that was sinking its way into his heart and mind stemmed solely from the conflicting feelings he had for his father.
And Force, how he loved him and hated him, in equal, desperate measure.
And finally… there was someone else… someone else who might understand the terrible conflict inside of him.
Someone who’d known Anakin. Someone who might understand the hurt and the anger and the betrayal and the desperate love that he had and also longed to feel reciprocated back at him.
Without meaning to, Luke reached out and brushed against Ahsoka’s Force presence and felt warm affection and understanding directed towards him. Luke twitched, almost stepping forward to close the distance between them and then stopped at the last second. He thought of all of his other attempts to escape – to flee into the night and how each and every one of them had failed. They’d all ended in terrible deaths for anyone who’d been involved. If Ahsoka was family… then he couldn’t let her face the same fate as the others. Finally, he shook his head.
“Even more reason for you to leave. Now – while you still can.” He fairly begged. “I’ve… I’ve accepted this. Him. And I – I couldn’t bear it if something were to happen – “
“It won’t.” Ahsoka assured gently. “I have been planning this for months and I am confident that I can get you out without any incident. And even if something did happen, it would still not be your fault. You don’t deserve to live your life as a puppet to the Emperor or to be kept here against your will by your father.”
Maybe that was true.
“But there are others to consider,” Luke insisted. “If I leave – everyone here will die. Father will kill them, regardless of whether they helped or not. And he’ll hunt me – he’ll search and he’ll destroy everything in his path until he finds me.”
Ahsoka tilted her head to the side, silently acknowledging that he was probably right.
“Anything that your father does is not your fault.” She repeated quietly. “His decisions are his own. Your life should belong to you.”
Luke felt his eyes blur with tears and he quickly brushed them away with his left hand before they could chance to fall. He turned away sharply from Ahsoka, looking out once again over the balcony and into the elaborate garden below. His heart was pounding and the Force seemed to whisper.
Luke immediately tuned it out, scared of what it might tell him to do.
“He needs me,” Luke whispered instead. “He… he won’t come back without me.”
But there was also no guarantee that Vader would come back with him either. Not with how angry Luke’s presence seemed to make him feel sometimes; like Luke was nothing but a painful reminder of the past. An unwanted burden that he had to protect.
Luke was a weakness to him. And his father hated weakness more than anything else; so his love was brutal in return.
“Do you think he can come back?” Ahsoka asked after a minute or so had gone by. “You know him better than I do now. Is it possible? Is it worth trying to stay?”
Was it worth it?
The cruel, angry person his father often was with him… was he worth suffering for? Luke didn’t think so. But…those momentary, fleeting flickers of light that sometimes would rear their head in the Force. In those rare moments that Luke had learned to crave like they were water in the desert, where his father looked at him with something other than anger and treated him with a little kindness. That person might be.
The aftermath of the first time that Palpatine had shot him with lightning, torturing him to the brink of insanity and leaving him a burnt, quivering, sobbing mess on the floor. His father had been gentle with him after that.
It hadn’t lasted, obviously. But something that felt like love and regret and fear had imprinted themselves on his mind while he’d been recovering in bed for several days afterwards, in and out of consciousness. They had been powerful impressions and the memory of them had been all that was getting him through some of the more miserable parts of his existence right now. Through his father’s cruelty and anger. It was the thought that maybe… if it really came down to it, that there was a chance Luke might matter more to his father than the Empire or Palpatine or any form of power did.
“I think there’s still something good in him,” Luke admitted softly. “At least… I hope there is.”
To his relief, Ahsoka didn’t immediately try to condemn him for that hope. In fact, there was still that sense of her understanding what he was feeling and her gentle patience for his conflict. Luke wasn’t certain if there was anyone else who could understand, or at least be willing to forgive him for it.
“I can offer you this chance,” Ahsoka finally said, stepping towards him and placing a gentle hand on his shoulder. “I don’t know if I will be able to do it again. Not soon, anyways. But I think if you want to save him, then you should do it on your terms. Not on his.”
Luke swallowed, looking away. He had been resigned to this place for so long but he wanted to get out. He didn’t know if he dared to take the chance though. It had never gone well before. Not for anyone. He briefly turned inwards, glancing at the Force bond between him and Vader. Whatever his father was doing, Luke thought that it might be wrapping up soon.
“If we are going to leave, we need to go soon.” Ahsoka said simply.
Luke ran his left hand through his hair, feeling torn. Finally, he let the Force in just enough to hear what it wanted him to say to him. A warm, pleasant feeling slowly came over him and the uncertainty and guilt and fear clouding his mind cleared until there was nothing left except a peaceful sense of direction. He knew what the right thing to do was.
Meeting Ahsoka’s eyes once more, Luke smiled.