Chapter Text
Present:
Alec is still in deep thoughts looking at his wrists. He has been through so much and he used to use physical hurt to get over it all. As he is still thinking, Magnus stirs in bed and Alec is right next to him. He holds Magnus’s hand with one hand and is stroking the hair off his forehead very carefully so as to not hurt him.
“Please come back to me baby, I need you. Our kids need you. You cannot leave me in the middle of our life. I am trying here to hold on and not break apart for our kids and family but without you it is hard. I keep going back to the past and appreciate everything that happened good and bad but it is becoming very hard to stay positive. I hope you can hear me, I love you so so much and all I want is for you to be alright. I will never ever fight with you again, never upset you, do everything you want me to do. I will make you the happiest man on this planet every single day. I will spend the rest of my life apologizing to you and making it up to you. But for that you have to wake up. Please please please please wake up Mags.”
As Alec was continuing his talk with Magnus,he leans over and kissed magnus on the forehead and it takes him back to their first kiss which happened to be his first kiss ever and he wouldn't trade it for anything.
⏪⏪⏪⏪⏪⏪⏪⏪⏪⏪⏪⏪⏪⏪⏪
It had been a couple months since Alec and Andrew’s first date and it was now the time to celebrate the new year. Magnus and Alec had worked through their differences, Alec was back to being civil with Magnus, they had walked together on a couple occasions back from school and talked, actually talked talked. Magnus tried his very best to get Alec to open up and be as normal as possible but Alec was still reserved. Magnus did not know what that was about. There had been some times where Alec had expected something from Magnus but that didn’t happen. Alec was just as confused as Magnus.
Alec had also gone out on more dates with Andrew, they had now been bowling, axe-throwing and mini golfing. Alec liked spending time with Andrew but on every date he hoped that he was there with Magnus. Andrew tried to get Alec to show some intimacy but was ok with giving him space. He was unsure why Alec was closing himself off but as long as he got to spend time with Alec, that’s all Andrew cared about. They would hold hands and Andrew would try to hug Alec from behind when they were doing these activities but no initiation from Alec. They got to spend even more time with each other as they both were teammates. Alec loved how Andrew pushed him to be a better runner. They would push each other and had won a lot of meets for the school. They had only lost 2 races so far and the season was coming to an end. For Alec that meant joining winter track, it's a different format than cross country but he liked it because he enjoyed running. Alec now felt he was good at running away, from his problems, from his family so they don’t see how messed up he is, from confronting Magnus about continuing to hurt him, from Andrew in the fear of Andrew wanting more intimacy.
Alec had also joined the Mathletes, he joined because he needed something to do to keep his mind occupied. He had been going for the last couple of weeks almost at the speed of light and he was feeling burnt out. He knew he would crash soon but he was willing to wait till that happened. On the other hand he continued to harm himself and let out all the anxiety and panic attacks he had. He had started cutting on his thighs as he couldn't always wear long sleeves for track and this way no one could see. He would hurt himself enough to keep the pain constant but that also meant that he wasn’t thinking about his brother, dad or Magnus.
He wished he had died in place of them, he wished he could tell Andrew that he would never be able to love him and he wished he could tell Magnus just how much he loved him. When Magnus had left he had thought that he had feelings for Magnus, but now that he is back and seeing him with Camille, knowing that Magnus could love a man too, he had fallen in love with that silly man. He wished he could tell at least one person. He wished that he could stop cutting and hurting himself. He wished he could ask for help, he wished someone would notice that behind the “normal” Alec there was a boy who is very broken.
On the other hand, Magnus was not doing any better. He was always trying to fix his relationship with the lightwoods. He would try to wait for Alec and walk back with him but there had been some incidents that made him question if there is someone that is trying to sabotage his relationship with the Lightwoods. He pretended not to notice but started keeping a book with all the weird stuff. He planned to eventually ask Alec about the things that were confusing him.
He had still not opened up to Camille about why he left in the first place and why he started seeing her. He did not have the heart to tell her the truth, he had heard the truth will set you free but in this case it would cause more harm. Camille had been brought with Magnus on one condition that was put by his father. His father had said, Magnus had to bring Camille with him so he could keep an eye out. If anything were to happen with Alec more than friendship he would be sure to go ahead and kill him. Magnus already knew his dad was capable of it. He believed his dad was behind the murder of Robert and Max. While Magnus had no proof he would get to the bottom of this, for his Alexander. He would not give up till he helped Alec get closure.
Magnus was keeping all of this information within himself, he tried a lot to share with someone but he did not know who he could trust. The one person he trusted with his life, even more than he trusted himself, he could not tell all this to because that would break him or worse get him killed. He would tell his Alexander everything but only when the time was right. He would have to keep up this facade longer, he would do it for the rest of his life if it meant that Alexander was safe. Magnus had felt jealous every time he saw Alec and Andrew together, he felt feelings he was not used to feeling, he was always noticing them, he saw how Alec’s smile was perfect. It wasn't always there but when it was it would light up Magnus’s whole world.These little moments are what Magnus survived on. He started thinking why he was jealous of his friend being happy and then he realized that he wanted Alec happy but he did not want Alec with anyone else. He wanted to be the one who brought that smile on his face and promised himself that when he and Alec find their way to each other he will make it his life’s mission to make Alec simple everyday. He continued trying to build a bridge again between him and Alec, and he would continue to do so no matter what.
The day before christmas break, Alec, Magnus, Andrew, Camille and Izzy were walking back home.
Magnus: So guys any plans for this week
Izzy: No, we used to go to our grandparents but we are not this year.
Andrew: Honestly, I was planning on just staying home and resting for the next season.
Magnus: We should do something fun. How about a small get-together on new years eve.
Camille: That is a good idea however I don't think I want too many people. I want it to be just us Magnus.
Magnus: Cami, it will be just the people here plus a couple more. We can host it too.
Izzy looked over at Alec hoping to see if there was going to be a reaction out of Alec but nothing.
Andrew: I could be down… wait if I am invited.
Magnus: Of Course you are invited. What about you Alexander?
Alec: I am not really a party person
Izzy and Magnus, they look at eachother and decide to use one of their old ways. They look at Alec with puppy dog eyes: Please Alec, please say yes. If you say no we won't do it.
Alec knew he would never be able to say not to those faces: Fine fine. Please stop with the eyes.
Magnus and Izzy high five and Magnus continued: Perfect, party at mine on new years eve. We can also coordinate a Christmas party too, exchange gifts and what not. Let’s chat in the group chat for planning.