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"oh yeah, did doctor baizhu say it's okay for me to sleep over?"
yaoyao had asked that question for a reason—her and qiqi had plans tomorrow, and she thought if she stayed the night, doctor baizhu wouldn't pull qiqi in for work. though, i guess yaoyao shouldn't have expected qiqi to remember to bring that up with him, but qiqi did tell her it was fine in response to her question. it's just that, qiqi meant not to worry about asking doctor baizhu, not that he said it was fine.
which leads yaoyao to where she is now: waking up in the middle of the night, with qiqi nowhere to be found.
she didn't expect her friend to be lying next to her, of course—just doing stretches or watching over her while she slept, but she's not even in the room. yaoyao rubs her tired eyes and tries to focus on the clock on the wall, working out that the little hand was pointing at the one. one in the morning? why wouldn't qiqi be in her room this late? did she need to do something? what would she need to do at this time of day?
would doctor baizhu put her to work this early in the morning?
it was in asking herself that question that yaoyao realized qiqi didn't actually tell him that she was sleeping over. oh well. she shouldn't get upset about it; it's not qiqi's fault, it's hers. yaoyao should've been the one to ask doctor baizhu if she could stay the night, since she's the one who wanted to do it. the mature thing to do would be to inform doctor baizhu that she's here, and then ask for permission to bring qiqi back home, if she really is out picking herbs.
though, as she steps out of bed, yaoyao quietly hopes that qiqi is just wandering around the house or getting a glass of coconut milk, something like that. she already feels bad enough that she put the responsibility of telling doctor baizhu that she was sleeping over on qiqi's shoulders, but it would also make her feel worse and really awkward waking up doctor baizhu because of her own lack of accountability. unfortunately, there was still no sign of qiqi even after looking around the living room and kitchen, so the girl sighs and starts nervously making her way down the hall towards doctor baizhu's room.
why was she nervous? this was just a little lack of preparation from yaoyao, and besides, doctor baizhu is understanding and kind—he wouldn't get mad at her over something as little as this. maybe it's just the noises coming from doctor baizhu's room that has the girl nervous; they're too quiet to understand, but loud enough to hear. i mean, that's unsettling, right?
yeah, that's all there is to it. there's no reason for her to stand idly at the door and work up the confidence to knock; she's just being childish. plus, shouldn't she look on the bright side? doctor baizhu's already awake, so it's not like she has to worry about waking him up either.
it will be fine.
she's just being dramatic.
there's no need to be anxious.
"doctor baizhu…" yaoyao calls out to him while gently knocking on the door to let him know she was coming in. though, when she opened the door, all the words she was so nervous to tell him had vanished; there was only silent shock and confusion.
what?
she didn't know what she was looking at—well, she can see what she's looking at, but what?
doctor baizhu, now staring back at yaoyao with only a little less surprise than she herself had, was under qiqi, who was sitting on his pelvis. his hands were at her waist, her legs on either side of his hips, and they were both completely naked.
what was happening?
yaoyao had an idea of what she was looking at, but her thoughts came to a halt when she heard qiqi's quiet voice. "oh… it's yaoyao…" she had only just realized she was there, unlike the man beneath her; though, qiqi pointing her out finally made him respond to the situation at hand.
"ahem…" doctor baizhu quicky clears his throat, "yaoyao, could you go to qiqi's room, please? we'll, ah… be finished here in a minute or so." he spoke as calmly as he always did, but his expression made it clear that he felt somewhat… uneasy.
yaoyao doesn't like that fact; she's never seen him with anything but a kind smile.
"um, o-okay…" she muttered, quietly closing the door. the sound of her heart pounding in her chest was drowning out her thoughts, as she obediently made her way back to the room. though, when she sat down onto the bed and took a deep breath, one thing from everything she just witnessed made its way to the surface.
qiqi looked uncomfortable.
yaoyao was her best friend, so she knows that the girl has a hard time with emotions due to being dead—but that discomfort on her face was real. it was the most expressive she's ever seen qiqi, even though her voice didn't waver from its usual monotonous sound. it was scary.
what was baizhu doing to her?
yes, she knew what she saw, but it just… didn't make sense. no matter how hard she's trying to wrap her head around everything, she can't think of what exactly was happening. i mean, it looked like sex, from what little she knows about that thing, but that only makes things more confusing.
sex is how a man and a woman who love each other make a baby. but qiqi isn't really a woman is she? she's a little girl, just like her. and doctor baizhu does say he loves her, but surely he didn't mean like that? he's like her dad. plus, if that was out of love, then why did qiqi look uncomfortable? and is a baby even possible for a zombie child to have?
before she could get lost in her own mind from these questions, qiqi had walked back into the room, just as doctor baizhu had said. she… didn't look uncomfortable anymore, which would be great if not for the fact qiqi's movement was off now; it's wasn't exactly a limp she was walking with, but she was moving far slower than usual and she took as small of strides as possible. on top of that, qiqi just walks over to the bed and lies down without saying a word, when she would never sleep normally—the girl was cautious not to lay down or sit for long periods of time due to her rigor mortis.
this isn't right.
yaoyao needs to ask her friend about what happened, but qiqi interrupts her before she can even think of what to start with. "yaoyao… can i hold yuegui… please…?" the girl asks with an odd tremble in her voice, which only make yaoyao more uneasy. of course, she hands over the rabbit to her friend right away, but the sadness in qiqi's request was so… concerning. it's not like she actually sounded sad asking that—no, her tone was the same as ever, but it was so quiet that her voice became unsteady, like she was going to cry. it broke yaoyao's heart to hear; she can't bombard her with questions that she desperately wants the answers to, if her voice is going to stay like that. that's too much to handle.
so, instead, yaoyao only asks one question: "um, qiqi… is it okay if i look through your notebook, while you, uh… rest?" to which her friend nods her head before rolling over onto her side, holding yuegui close to her chest. and so, yaoyao quickly, desperately grabs qiqi's journal off of the nightstand and flips through the pages.
this was qiqi's personal diary of sorts, so of course, yaoyao has hardly ever looked through it; she remembered the page she had to go to whenever qiqi forgot who she was, and that was it. but this… if it's making qiqi not act like herself, then this is something that yaoyao needs to know about. she'll still feel a little bad about looking through some of qiqi's personal thoughts and feelings that she wants to remember, but she's doing this because she cares. yaoyao cares so much about her.
which is why yaoyao feels mortified when she looks at one of the newer entries in the journal.
'new nighttime orders. ignore old ones.
- help doctor baizhu close shop.
- return home with doctor baizhu. if he is having trouble standing, help him keep balance.
- remind doctor baizhu to take his medicine after letting him settle in.
- make love with doctor baizhu, if he requests it. if it hurts, don't stop until doctor baizhu tells you to.
- go to your room. if there is blood between your legs or any white stuff on you, clean up first.
- wait until morning.
- switch to morning orders, even if there is soreness in your legs.
making love to doctor baizhu makes my body feel warm and gross, but it makes him feel better. remember to do it for him, even if you don't like the orders he added.'
four, five, and seven were hard enough for her to read, but the additional comment from qiqi at the end made yaoyao's stomach churn. if she had to guess, all the orders that came after an 'if'' were added by doctor baizhu. i mean, yaoyao isn't dumb; sure, she's bound to have some moments considering that she's nine, but she can still put two and two together. additionally, and more importantly, she knew the difference between right and wrong—and whatever baizhu was doing to qiqi was wrong, even if qiqi wrote it as 'making love.'
but what does she do now?
if this makes qiqi uncomfortable and can hurt her to the point that she sometimes bleeds, yaoyao can't just sit around and do nothing about it, but what can she do? the only option there really is would be talking to doctor baizhu and asking him to stop; there's no guarantee that would really help, though—
it's irresponsible to try avoiding it. even if there's no guarantee talking to doctor baizhu would really help, yaoyao still has to try, for qiqi's sake. if she were to tear out that page in qiqi's notebook or cross out some of the orders, then that would make doctor baizhu suspicious, and might even get qiqi into trouble. there's no reason to be deceptive about this— just talk to him.
but that's… easier said than done. yaoyao was nervous to just talk to doctor baizhu this late before even finding out that he's been doing something to qiqi; now that she has this knowledge, approaching him seems like an even more impossible task for her to handle.
this is for qiqi, though.
and, despite how young she is, yaoyao is mature.
she can handle what's probably going to be a more adult subject to talk about.
at least, that's what yaoyao tells herself as she makes her way back to doctor baizhu's room. but just like before, she finds herself stuck in front of the door, needing to prepare herself to knock on the door. however, before yaoyao gets the chance to stall longer, she hears from the other side of the door, "you can come in, yaoyao."
truthfully, she thinks her heart might have stopped for a second when doctor baizhu called out for her, but forcing herself to ignore this anxiety, she takes a deep breath before stepping into the room, where baizhu was sitting at his desk. he directs yaoyao to sit on his bed, as he seems to finish writing something down.
yaoyao, of course, obliges to his directions; though, her heartbeat sounds like it's getting louder and louder in her ears as she waits, and it's starting to scare her. it doesn't help that, after finishing he was writing, doctor baizhu moves his chair over right in front of her, so he can sit face to face with her—he's smiling, probably trying not to make her nervous, but there's still something uneasy about his expression. him starting the conversation with, "i'm guessing you want to ask me some things, yes?" doesn't make things easier, either.
but she'll try to remain calm. if she doesn't look him in the eyes, it makes things just a bit less nerve-wracking. "um… actually, n-no. i don't want to ask you anything, really… it's just…" while that's not completely the truth, it's better if she gets straight to the point. sure, there's tons of questions she could probably get better answers to if she asked the doctor, but what really matters is— "c-can you stop doing that with qiqi, please…?"
doctor baizhu seems surprised with how straightforward the girl was, but isn't uncomfortable with it; it's better if he doesn't beat around the bush either, so he just as directly answers her request with: "i'm sorry, yaoyao, but i really can't do that." of course, this earns him a defeated, heartbroken look from her almost immediately, but he knows yaoyao is a mature enough girl—she'll understand. with a sigh, he grabs the girl's hand, rubbing his thumb across her knuckles to soothe her, while he asks her, "will it make it better if i explain some things to you?"
the girl gently takes her hand away from baizhu's—honestly, she almost jumped when he first grabbed her—before answering, "um, i don't think it will help… i'm sorry…" the look on doctor baizhu's face at her response is confused and maybe concerned, earning a deep sigh from yaoyao; it seems really pointless to talk about this further, when he already explained that he wasn't going to stop. however, "i just… i can't accept qiqi getting hurt," slips from her mouth anyways.
she just… doesn't want to fail her best friend.
"ah…" is all there is to doctor baizhu's initial reaction. i mean, he assumed that's how she felt the second she asked him to stop, but it is quite sad to hear it directly. the man sighs, "if there was a way not to hurt qiqi, then i would do that; i don't do that with her because i like hurting her." while what he's doing is… less than savory, to say the least, he is honest in the fact that he doesn't do it to intentionally hurt qiqi. "it's just that… qiqi is small and she won't ever grow, so 'making love' to her might always hurt—ah, wait, do you know what it means for two people to make love, yaoyao?" it slipped his mind for a second that the girl might not have even understood what she saw earlier.
"is it the same thing as sex?" thankfully, yaoyao knew a lot of things at her young age, saving him the trouble of explaining. doctor baizhu nods his head in response to her question, and then opens his mouth to say something, before the girl interrupts him; "i don't get it then… why would you try to have babies with qiqi? i don't think she's capable of that…" yaoyao questions, genuinely confused.
and, though probably inappropriate, the question earns a small laugh from baizhu—it's just nice to see that, despite how mature she wants to seem, yaoyao still has that childlike innocence about her. "well, yes, a lot of people do have sex to make children, but that's not the only reason people would do so," he explains to the girl, only earning an even more puzzled look from her. another light chuckle unintentionally escapes his lips, "you see, yaoyao, some people have sex just for fun. to many, it simply feels good, and even provides somewhat of a work out; they aren't thinking about having a baby in the slightest, and the same goes for myself. however…"
he pauses. baizhu does have a reason for why he started taking advantage of qiqi, but now that he's trying to explain it aloud, he realizes that he is just some sort of freak; that, considering the fact he uses qiqi for sex even when he doesn't need to, this is just a sick perversion of his. but obviously, that information has no business being shared with a child, let alone anyone else, so he simply tells the girl his initial intent: "the reason i make love with qiqi is because of the adeptal energy preserved inside her. i don't know if you've heard from qiqi or just around the harbor, but i… am not in the best of health. however, the pain can be subdued if i come into contact with that energy, and that can only be done through sex." that last part was a lie; truthfully, he knew and even tried more morally sound ways to reach the adeptal energy inside of her from the very beginning, but it just so happened to be that being inside of her was the more effective (and more enjoyable) painkiller.
not that he would ever think of explaining that to anyone; what he's already said should be enough, for yaoyao at least. of course, however, baizhu doesn't expect all of this to sit right with the girl—her disheartened expression being proof of that. he gives her a pitying smile, and rubs her arms in an attempt to comfort her. "yaoyao, i know you don't want qiqi to get hurt, but i have to take care of myself as well. unfortunately, this is the only—"
"have sex with me instead, then!"
the words came tumbling out of yaoyao's mouth before she even thought about what she was saying, earning shock from doctor baizhu—not that she was any less surprised by what she said herself. "um… what i mean is that i, uh… spend a lot of time around the adepti! so… i should have adeptal energy in me too, r-right…?" she tries to explain herself, still speaking before she thinks things through.
and baizhu really does not know how to respond to that; i mean, it's clear to him that her mouth is moving faster than her brain, but it's still concerning to him that that was the first idea to come to yaoyao's mind. "ah… i'm not so sure that would be the case…" he tells her, pulling his hand away from her. honestly, it could have the same effect, but as it stands, baizhu is already taking advantage of one little girl—he shouldn't do this to another.
however, yaoyao persists, even when he's actually trying to listen to his better conscience. "well, it… wouldn't hurt to try… would it?"
baizhu sighs and tries to explain to her, "yes, it would hurt, yaoyao. you're not any bigger than qiqi is." if he were to be any more honest, he isn't against the idea at all—the girl is as cute as a button and has probably never been touched before, but he knows this will cause a lot worse harm to her than it would a living corpse who can't remember anything; besides, yaoyao's not even thinking this through, too concerned with her friend.
at least, that's what doctor baizhu thinks.
even if it's true that she isn't entirely thinking about what she says, yaoyao still means every bit of it. "i can handle it, though—i promise!" obviously, it'll hurt, but she knows she can endure it if it's for qiqi. it's not like yaoyao doesn't understand that she's not ready for all of that ; it's just that she doesn't care.
to yaoyao, her self sacrifice isn't founded in naivety, just out of the good of her heart.
however, naive or not, baizhu knows deep down that, despite what she may believe about herself, yaoyao isn't mature enough to understand just what she's signing herself up for. at the same time, however, baizhu also knows that— "you… aren't going to drop this, are you?" which she only confirms with a nod of her head, earning a sigh from the man. despite his attempts, i guess it's better to just indulge himself, and hopefully, it'll teach yaoyao a lesson.
"alright, then, we can try tomorrow. go get some rest, yaoyao," baizhu tells the girl, ruffling her hair half-sincerely before standing up—making his way back over to his desk to clean it up and listening to yaoyao's small footsteps walk over to the door behind him. it's when she turns the knob, though, that baizhu remembers something important; he swiftly shuts the barely opened door, and kneels down to her level, lifting a finger to his mouth and looking her directly in the eyes. "i forgot one thing: you mustn't tell anyone about this—not about me and qiqi, nor what you and i are going to do tomorrow, understand?"
his voice was threateningly quiet and he wore a serious expression as he explained that to her, causing a chill to go down yaoyao's spine; "yes, sir…" is all she can muster in response. thankfully, doctor baizhu's smile comes right back at her assurance, and he wishes her goodnight.
as if she could even sleep, after that.
it's not that yaoyao regrets offering herself up—no, she's more than happy to take qiqi's place, if it means her friend won't get hurt anymore, but she's still scared; just because she knows that doctor baizhu doesn't intend for it to hurt doesn't mean she isn't scared of the pain. in fact, it's all she can think about, as she makes her way back to the bedroom.
when she enters the room, yaoyao notices qiqi is still lying down and holding yuegui, but her eyes are fixed on the ceiling, not even paying a glance towards the sound of the door opening and closing. "uh… should you be laying down, qiqi? what about your calisthenics?" she asks, sitting down beside her—trying to draw her mind away from what's going to happen tomorrow.
however, it's only forced to the forefront of her thoughts even more when qiqi explains that; "my legs hurt… i'll just roll over or sit up if rigor mortis starts to set back in, for now…"
following what she says, qiqi sits up, and yaoyao catches sight of her wincing ever so slightly. it breaks her heart to see; i mean, she's a zombie, yet she's still in pain and uncomfortable. she already died, for archons sake—qiqi shouldn't have to hurt anymore. even if qiqi's okay with going through some pain to help doctor baizhu, yaoyao can't let her do that anymore. "i promise i won't let you get hurt," she tells qiqi, as she wraps her arms around her.
qiqi seems confused at the sudden assurance, understandably so, but she welcomes it regardless. "thank you… qiqi will protect you too…" she returns the hug, which only causes yaoyao to hold her tighter.
she's going to protect qiqi.
even if there's worry in the back of her mind thinking about what is to come, the thought of qiqi not going through anymore pain is enough to put yaoyao's mind at ease.
she'll be fine.
there's nothing for her to be scared about.
yaoyao may have gone through the whole day, carrying out her plans with qiqi, thinking about what she's supposed to do tonight, but she isn't nervous at all. her heart beating fast as she walks up the steps to baizhu's home with qiqi doesn't mean anything.
she can handle this.
"doctor baizhu… we're back…" qiqi announces as they walk through the door, drawing the attention of the man sitting at the dinner table. he smiles at them, but his eyes only meet with yaoyao's, who is clearly uneasy. however, qiqi pulls his attention away, saying, "sorry, we were out so late… um… i forgot why, though… did we not notice the time, yaoyao…?"
baizhu gets up from the table and approaches them, kneeling down to their level. "it's quite alright—you don't need to explain. however…" he places a gentle hand on qiqi's shoulder, "qiqi, since you were gone all day, i do need you to do some work tonight. that'll be fine, right?" the girl nods immediately, but looks over to yaoyao, silently asking what she's going to do. honestly, yaoyao would do anything to say that she'll go with qiqi and avoid what's going to happen, but baizhu explains, "unlike you, qiqi, yaoyao can't stay up all night, so she'll sleep here again, while you go gather some herbs; then tomorrow, you can just take her back home. understood?"
qiqi once again nods her head, earning an affectionate pat on the cheek from baizhu; it gives her the sign to go to her room and grab the basket she uses to collect herbs, briefly leaving yaoyao alone with him. the girl's been quietly fiddling her thumbs, avoiding eye contact the entire time, and it honestly does make baizhu feel somewhat bad. "it's okay to be scared, you know?" he tries to comfort the poor girl, placing a hand on her shoulder to reassure her.
yaoyao jumps at the sudden contact, as if she was spacing out and just snapped back to reality, but she was clearly paying attention, as she shakes her head, "i… i'm not scared…"
"my, i don't expect children to be good liars, but seriously? you're not even trying to hide how nervous you are," the snake around baizhu's shoulders remarks, making yaoyao's heart stop for a second. she's been so lost in her thoughts about this situation that she even forgot about the silent spectator in the room with them—honestly, baizhu himself forgot she was there for a moment too. so, when qiqi comes back with the basket on her back and ready to leave, baizhu stops her, telling her to take changsheng with her. "hey, i didn't sign up to be a babysitter tonight," she hisses at the man pulling her off of him.
baizhu laughs, petting the snake's head. "now, don't be like that, changsheng—you're just going with qiqi so that she doesn't forget to come home," he explains to his companion with an unassuming smile.
but changsheng already knows what he's up to, and if she could roll her eyes at his excuse, she would. "sure, whatever you say… pervert…" she comments, the last word only loud enough for him to hear as he drapes her around qiqi's shoulders. baizhu shoots a glare at the snake, to which she only flicks her tongue at him mockingly before qiqi waves goodbye and closes the door behind them.
despite the look he had given her, changsheng wasn't wrong.
baizhu is more than aware that not only having but wanting to have sex with a much younger girl makes him a sexual deviant. though, this is still an experiment and medical situation, as much as it is his own desire; at least, that notion is what helps him ignore the hint of guilt he feels as he leads yaoyao to his bedroom. once in, baizhu directs the girl to sit on his bed after putting her basket down and taking her boots off, to which she obliges—same as the night before. though, he doesn't pull up his chair to the bed, instead kneeling down in front of her. the man carefully takes both of yaoyao's hands into his own, explaining, "i'm going to ask you a few questions before i do anything, okay?" he waits for confirmation, which he only receives in the form of a hesitant nod.
"alright, then. my first question is: have you ever had sex before, yaoyao?" he doubts he needs to ask based on how she's been acting, but it's in his nature as a doctor to always confirm these things. thankfully, however, she shakes her head 'no', confirming his assumption. "first times are scary and uncomfortable, especially for someone as young as you, so there's no need for you to try and hide the fact that you're nervous, okay?" baizhu tries telling her, but she doesn't respond to his reassurance, earning a sigh from him. if yaoyao thinks hiding her own fear makes her mature, then baizhu will just have to let her. i mean, that works for him too, to some degree—he won't have to spend the whole time comforting her.
so, he just continues to the next question: "you're a bit on the younger side for this to happen, but it's still possible; have you started menstruating yet? it's also called a period, if that's what you know it by." considering that she already knows what sex is, baizhu isn't surprised that yaoyao shakes her head once again, needing no further explanation. with the important questions out of the way, baizhu lets go of her hands, and instead, sets them atop her small thighs. "i have one last thing to ask you; have you ever touched yourself… down here?" he inches his hands closer to the hem of her bloomers, knowing that the girl will understand what he's getting at.
and yaoyao does, mostly. "um… only when i use the restroom…" she answers honestly, making baizhu let out a small laugh. of course, she knows that's not what he's talking about, but she's speaking before she thinks again—it's her nervous tick, and she wishes she could control it. as it stands, however, yaoyao's already spurting out, "u-um, actually, can i get yuegui first…?!" the second she realizes baizhu is pulling down her bloomers and underwear, to which the man kindly stops what he's doing to get up and grab it for her.
she really just wants to get this over with, though. unfortunately, everything is just happening too fast, and she can't help the fact that her brain is pushing her to slow things down; yaoyao is far worse than just unprepared for this—i mean, why did they have to do this immediately the day after she agreed to it? is doctor baizhu's condition so poor that he really couldn't even wait a week and let yaoyao prepare for it? or did he also just want to get this done and over with as soon as possible?
whatever the case is, doctor baizhu obviously knows that she isn't ready, and is probably not trying to rush anything in this moment because of that. he even hands the girl the plush, patiently telling her that, "i'm sorry, i should have also asked: would you prefer taking your own clothes off?" to which yaoyao quickly nods her head 'yes' in response, even though she doesn't agree; she knows if she's the one to take her clothes off that she's going to just prolong this even more, but it's still her knee-jerk reaction getting ahead of her.
however… as yaoyao gets up off the bed to remove her clothing, she takes a deep breath and tries to clear her head. if she's going to take qiqi's place and having sex with doctor baizhu is going to be a regular occurence, then she needs to get comfortable with all this—she needs to take her time and not rush anything. it's as baizhu had said; this situation is scary and uncomfortable. even if she doesn't think she's scared, yaoyao knows she's not ready at the very least, and that's okay.
all she has to do is prepare herself in the moment by taking things slow.
and so, yaoyao does—slowly stripping each item of clothing off of her down to her socks, folding them when she's done and setting them down on the floor next to the bed. the girl even undoes her hair, taking out her bells and clips and untying her braids, and baizhu only quietly sits on the bed as he waits, watching her every movement. she doesn't like the feeling of him watching her, but she wants to be thankful that he's patient with her; moreover, she's still hesitant to show her discomfort. besides the fact that being uncomfortable doesn't suit the image of herself that she has, doctor baizhu is a kind man, always has been, and yaoyao doesn't want to make him feel bad because of the feelings she doesn't even want.
after all, she chose this.
with a deep breath, the girl turns around to face doctor baizhu, showing her bare front to him; she's met with a smile, one yaoyao can't discern the emotions behind, but the way he feels is clear with his response—"you're a beautiful girl, yaoyao." honestly, hearing those words in his calm, pleasant voice makes a shiver go up her spine, and she can't tell if it's a good or bad one. i mean, it was a genuine compliment, that much she could tell, and it made heat rise to her face, but there's also a pit in her stomach, one that concerns her. though, it doesn't take long for her attention to shift, as doctor baizhu directs her, "now, come lie down."
which yaoyao does, though slowly she admits—no one has seen her naked other than when she was just a baby, and honestly, doctor baizhu is the last person she would have guessed to be the first. it's not that uncomfortable though, even if her legs are clenched together tight after she lies down for him; her body is just acting on its own, and she doesn't need to feel bad about that when she knows how she feels. besides, doctor baizhu has expressed several times now that he's fine with and even expects yaoyao's hesitation, so there's really nothing to worry about as he closes in on her.
she just needs to get out of her head.
yeah, that's all there is to it.
take things slow and don't think too much about it.
"i'm going to start touching some more sensitive areas now, okay yaoyao?"
don't think about it.
baizhu's soft, slightly boney hands rest at the side of her face, his thumb rubbing delicate circles on her bottom lip, while his snake-like eyes bore into her own eyes—as if she's a little helpless finch face-to-face with an actual serpent, one that's been starved.
stop thinking about it.
his hand starts moving down from her face, running gently down the curve of her neck before tracing her collarbone with his middle finger; there's hardly even any skin contact, and yet the pounding of her heartbeat is louder than ever.
he's taking things slow, though—this is a good thing… right?
yaoyao jumps at his other hand joining in as he reaches her underdeveloped chest. the movements are synchronized; still only just his thumbs tracing the skin over the barely existent mounds of fat in another circular motion, spiraling inward until he reaches her small nipples—he only softly presses down on them once before moving on.
he's barely touching; stop freaking out.
baizhu's hands run down her sides with open palms, stopping at her hips for a squeeze that was lighter than a feather, but it makes her clench her legs together harder than before.
stop it, yaoyao.
unfortunately, however, her thighs are his last stop. he pushes her legs up, bending them at the knee and then setting his hands on top of them to pry her legs apart; and, despite all she's been telling herself, yaoyao knows deep down she is consciously resisting doctor baizhu.
should she be surprised? i mean… she's just a child.
that simple thought makes yaoyao shoot up before she even realizes it, leading to her accidentally headbutting doctor baizhu—and it's the one thing that actually brings her out of her thoughts. "i'm so sorry!" she quickly apologizes, immediately reaching her small hand out for the place she hit him.
yaoyao is a girl who cares about others—baizhu understands that much about her. however, it's to the point where, in an instant, she will turn off her discomfort to take care of the man that is about to, in it's most simple explanation, rape her.
now, he understands her better.
"i-i really didn't mean it! i just remembered that yuegui is right there, an-and that i made you grab him for me! i should at least hold him, or else it would've been pointless to ask—"
baizhu pulls the girl's hand off of his head, and holds it, gentle but firm, as he presses his lips against hers. the world seems to freeze for a moment to yaoyao as she processes the unexpected intimacy, giving baizhu the chance to tell her, "you're a big girl, yaoyao—you can handle this." there is light in her eyes that was blocked by her fear brightening again at his statement.
he really wanted to be kind to her; i mean, it's the least baizhu could do for the girl he's bound to hurt, but that just doesn't work for her. what yaoyao needs isn't reassurance that she's allowed to be scared, but reinforcement in her belief that she wasn't even uncomfortable in the first place—that she can handle the weight of her decisions.
that she's mature.
the one and only thing that yaoyao prides herself on is that she's a "little adult"—one who always happily takes care of others and their responsibilities, and baizhu will assure her of that.
"i… i'm a big girl… yeah," she mutters to herself, before grabbing yuegui and laying back down. with a deep breath, the girl spreads her legs open for him willingly, telling him, "i'm sorry; i know you need adeptal energy to feel better, so let's continue—i promise i'll be okay." her discomfort and lack of confidence had made yaoyao forget why this was even happening for a moment; of course, the idea of protecting qiqi loomed over her head, but it had slipped her mind almost completely that doctor baizhu actually needs to do this for a reason. even if only to distract herself, yaoyao tries to keep that reminder at the forefront of her mind.
but, honestly, seeing the grateful smile on doctor baizhu's face from her response gives yaoyao the reassurance that she's doing the right thing; it's what she really needed. i mean, even if the feeling of baizhu's fingers now tracing her slit feels wrong, the girl is comforted with the fact that she knows that this is right—that protecting her friend from getting hurt and helping someone who's sick is right.
still though, that doesn't change the fact that the pit in her stomach gets deeper when baizhu spreads her folds apart, and that her full body jolts when his thumb comes into contact with her clit. even if she constantly repeats to herself why she's doing this, yaoyao's body holds more control over her mind, especially when he starts delicately rubbing the sensitive bundle of nerves that the girl has only ever touched on accident; yaoyao has to plant her feet into the bed just to stop her legs from clamping shut, all the while she buries her face into yuegui to muffle the sounds she's making. all her conscious efforts are forced to go into controlling herself, yet she doesn't even understand why she's reacting like this, making her feel uneasy all over again.
does it feel good? does it feel bad? is it just too unfamiliar for her?
whatever the case, the consistent stimulation doesn't last long as baizhu removes his thumb and blows cold air onto the sensitive flesh unannounced, earning a stuttering gasp from yaoyao when she lifted her face from the rabbit plush to breathe. he only lets out a small laugh at the reaction he received, not elaborating anything, before ducking his head down between her legs; both his response and what he's doing now confuse the poor girl, even more so when he softly kisses the bare skin of her lips. honestly, she's starting to get lightheaded from these foreign feelings he's making her feel, and the dizziness only gets worse when his tongue runs up her slit, stopping to briefly suck on her clit—it makes the pit in her stomach shift lower.
but she can handle this, which is why doctor baizhu doesn't stop for her. the man only continues to lap at her cunt, his tongue always getting closer and closer to entering her, and yaoyao feels like she's losing her mind, even if she is managing to resist the urge to make him stop. her body is twitching all over, whines and moans are coming from so deep inside her that she doesn't know how to stop them other than continuing to muffle herself, and her legs are even starting to cramp from forcing them to stay open, but overwhelming is the feeling of what was once a churning in her gut turn into a weight on her bladder.
it only gets worse when the tip of his tongue starts circling around her overly sensitive clit, and yaoyao can no longer stop herself from reaching for the man, her small hand pushing against the head between her legs with hardly any strength. baizhu doesn't stop his motions, only slowing them down, but his eyes shift up to the girl, where she tries to explain between heavy pants and moans that she's trying to resist: "d… doctor b-baizhu, i… can't… i think i'm… i'm g-going to p—"
before yaoyao could finish her sentence, he pulls back from her and sits up, relief and dissatisfaction washing over her body in waves of twitches; she's glad he stopped, if only for a moment, but the feeling in her lower abdomen is still there and heavier than ever, on top of her head getting more and more hazy. "i'm sorry—i shouldn't have expected you to last that long," he apologizes, not that yaoyao can even begin to decipher what for in her state, before explaining, "there's one last thing i need to do before we can properly have sex."
though, that snaps the girl out of the daze she's in, as yaoyao swears she felt her heart drop.
that's right—they haven't even had sex yet.
yaoyao knows that sex is when the penis goes inside the vagina, at least from what she learned, but that hasn't happened yet.
what have they been doing all this time?
why is doctor baizhu telling her that, "one of my fingers is going to go inside you, okay?"
what's the point of any of this if only having sex is what doctor baizhu needs to feel better?
none of her unspoken questions get answered, and they all nearly vanish from her mind at the feeling of baizhu's cold, slender middle finger pushing into her small hole. it goes in with more ease than either of the two were expecting, but it's still a tight fit when inside, not helped by the fact that yaoyao still feels like she's going to wet herself. "ah… d-doctor baizhu, i… i really don't think—" she tries explaining her state to him again, but is cut off by her own gasp when he starts rubbing against a sensitive area inside of her.
"yaoyao, dear, i know what you're feeling, but i also know what i'm doing. please, just trust me," he asks of her, his eyes sincere and warm; yaoyao can't muster any words without a whimper interrupting her, so she only nods her head in response to his request, barely taking the time to think about it. though, it's not like she can even think that at the moment, especially when baizhu stops rubbing circles inside her and instead gently flicks his wrist back and forth—his finger thrusting in and out of her, always hitting that sensitive area.
it doesn't take long at all before yaoyao can no longer stop her bladder from giving out, or at least, that's what she thinks is happening when her hips start spasming and a wave of heat washes over her as the weight in her belly starts going away. though, baizhu doesn't stop the consistent rhythm of his movements until the girl's hips calm down, settling into the normal amount of full body twitches. once he pulls his finger out, he watches yaoyao cover her face, embarrassed as she tells him, "i-i'm sorry…" and baizhu can't help but chuckle at her apology.
yep, she's still just a kid. it's obvious when looking at her, of course, but he still finds it cute when she acts like one too; inexperienced, embarrassed, and naive.
"you didn't pee on me if that's what you're apologizing for, yaoyao," baizhu reassures the girl, standing up while unashamedly licking his finger clean of her slick. the man makes his way over to his dresser, looking through one of the drawers while explaining, "what you just experienced was an orgasm—completely natural thing. there's nothing for you to worry about; i just wanted you to experience one, and to know what it's like for something to be inside of you, before we actually had sex." he doesn't expect her to understand everything, not in the slightest, but is still pleasantly surprised to see yaoyao sitting up and listening to him attentively, even while coming down from her very first orgasm—panting heavily, face flushed, and tears in her eyes.
oh, she is so cute.
such a cute, stubborn, naive little girl.
just how much cuter will she get when he gets to tear into her—
"um… wh-what're you holding?" yaoyao snaps the man out of his wandering thoughts, noticing he had been staring at her.
baizhu looks at the bottle of lube in his hand, almost forgetting he had grabbed it. "it's nothing important; it'll just help things hurt less for you," he briefly explains before untying the belt from his robe and removing it, his undergarments following quickly after. while he was enjoying himself, he got too caught up in savoring the taste of yaoyao's innocence to take care of his own needs, and now, the man can't hold out any longer.
though, for yaoyao, even though she didn't really like it, she wishes doctor baizhu was still taking his time exploring her body because, now, the dread she's been feeling since yesterday night is finally in front of her as a naked baizhu climbs onto the bed. her eyes can't help but immediately be drawn to his erection, and she can feel her heart rate picking up, too scared to even realize that she's staring at him lathering the clear liquid from the bottle onto it. i mean, in relation to baizhu himself, his penis doesn't look that big, but yaoyao is so, so small; it's probably as long as her forearm, maybe just a little bit smaller—not like that would make her feel any better, and she doubts her hand could even fully wrap around it.
and that's supposed to go inside of her?
yaoyao's heart drops with her when baizhu places his hand flat on her chest, pushing her down onto her back and snapping her out of her head. without warning, he pours some of the lubricant onto her pussy, where he fingers it inside of her, and it causes the girl to yelp before accidentally kicking his arm away; she feels even more sensitive down there, and knows she shouldn't feel bad for her reflexive reaction, but—
"it's fine," baizhu tells yaoyao before she even gets a word out, and it makes her even more nervous. even if she couldn't admit it to herself, his patience with her did help, but this is different; he doesn't wait for her to apologize, nor her avoidant response to his reassurance, nor anything she wants to say , and instead, immediately carries on with what he's doing. it seems he's still patient enough to acknowledge her reactions, but he won't slow down for her, spreading her legs and lifting them so he can get between them. "there's no need for you to be nervous, yaoyao," he tells her as he starts pressing his tip against her entrance, only knowing she's nervous by the sound of her unsteady breathing—he doesn't even need to look at the girl.
baizhu does, however, and everything starts to slow down for him when he sees that there are tears in yaoyao's eyes, which she quickly tries to wipe away once he sees them.
he's getting lost in the opposite direction now.
he needs to calm down.
he doesn't want to cause her any more pain than necessary.
he can't let his sick desires take precedence over yaoyao's comfort.
he has to do this the right way—definitely not too forceful, but so that she feels self-assured in what they're doing, not too gentle either.
and most importantly, if he wants to continue this, then he has to maintain his patience.
he wipes his lubed hand off on his bed sheets so he can rest it on the side of her face, his thumb gently petting her puffy cheek while he sighs, "yaoyao… even adults cry when they're in pain or when they're stressed. you know that, right?" the girl can't meet his eyes, but she nods her head in response, maybe a tad bit hesitantly—that's all baizhu needs, though. he leans back and settles back into position, now slowly pushing his tip inside of her. "so, it's normal for a little adult like yourself to cry too, yes?" yaoyao nods again, wincing at the onsetting pain of being stretched open, but she seems more assured in her response despite that, which is exactly what the man wanted. "good; i knew you would be able to handle this," he smiles at her, a bit strained as he struggles to force himself inside her tight hole, but it's genuine.
genuine to yaoyao, at least; though, that's not saying much as her focus isn't even on the man, and instead, is on the searing pain between her legs.
discomfort and hypersensitivity were a blessing compared to what she's feeling now—it's as if a burning hot metal pipe was being shoved inside her instead of someone's flesh; yaoyao thinks she can even feel something being torn inside of her. there's tears running down her face, and the girl even bites the inside of her cheek, hard enough that she tastes blood, to resist shouting out in pain. yuegui is held down flat against her chest, her fists clenching onto the soft fabric so tight she could probably rip it if she made any sudden movements. black dots even start to appear in her vision for a split second with all the strain this is putting on her, but thankfully, the skin of baizhu's pelvis touches the back of her thighs before it got to the point where she would actually pass out.
"you did great, yaoyao," he compliments her, having managed to take in his entire length without even realizing. though, the girl relaxes all her muscles and takes a deep breath at the realization—it's relieving. i mean, she's still in a lot of pain, but yaoyao can handle this a lot better. the worst of the damage has already been done, and all that's left is a burning sensation like something is touching an open wound, which she's pretty sure is what's actually happening. "i'll let you adjust; i won't move until you tell me the pain has subsided, okay?"
yaoyao nods her head, understanding, while blinking the tears out of her eyes. she's tries clearing her head so that her focus isn't on the pain, but the alternative feeling isn't that great either to the girl—the feeling of sex. the weight of something inside of her, flesh touching sensitive areas that are so deep inside of her that she wouldn't even consider they existed, a throbbing against her walls, and the sheer warmth of two bodies colliding; it's all so unpleasant, not even counting the pain, and yet, yaoyao finds herself feeling a ticklish sensation in the same place the weight was when she had an orgasm. it's about the only pleasant thing she feels in this moment, but that's immediately taken from her when her eyes instinctively shift downwards.
there's a small bulge in her lower abdomen, and she immediately feels just how deep inside of her baizhu is, making her stomach twist uncomfortably. she looks away, up at the ceiling, and once again tries to think about anything else, which leads to her asking, "um… i-is there any… blood…?" it's a stupid question; she's pretty sure she can feel it leaking out of her and dripping onto her butt, and not to mention, it just brings her attention right back to the pain in between her legs—but it's something, anything.
and, as always, doctor baizhu is always kind enough to check and answer her question, even if it's obvious. he pulls out of her only a bit and as gently as possible, but it still feels excruciating to the girl, making her take in a sharp breath while wincing. there isn't an immediate apology from him, his focus is on checking her perineum for damage, but eventually—"i'm sorry for moving without your permission, yaoyao; on the bright side, there's no tearing down there." his hand comes up, a mixture of blood, discharge, and lube lightly covering his fingertips as he explains, "there's still some bleeding, which isn't ideal, but it won't cause you any problems, okay?"
yaoyao absentmindedly nods her head, barely retaining what he just said. just when the pain was starting to numb, that small movement hurt so bad that the girl thinks she's going to throw up. she covers her mouth with her hands to make sure that she doesn't, but the nausea is overwhelming—not helped by the little empty gap inside her, now that he's not all the way in. the feeling of not being full makes her whole body tense up, like she's caving in on herself; her legs are clenched so tightly around doctor baizhu's hips that she's afraid she could hurt him, and the same could be said for the vice like grip her walls have around his dick.
of course, the man can see and feel all of that, and it worries him. maybe it's because of the fact that qiqi's a zombie and her nerves are mostly dead that the pain doesn't affect her as much, but yaoyao is a normal little girl; the pain she's going through must be unbearable by a child's standards. there's not much he could have done to prepare her more thoroughly for this, though the guilt persists nonetheless. not just for hurting her right at this very moment, but for permanently scarring her like this.
baizhu knows what this will do to her psyche, but he just can't help himself, especially when her legs wrap around him fully to pull him back into her. "c-can you start moving, please?" she asks him with the cutest tremble in her voice, only making him feel all the more guilty. though, maybe the true source of this guilt is from the fact that he doesn't care as much as he, a doctor, should because, despite these feelings, he grabs the girl's hips and pulls out of her, then slowly pushes back inside of her. over and over again.
it's too late for regrets.
unlike him, however, yaoyao has none to begin with, despite how agonizing it is when his thrusts reach all the way to her cervix.
while she dislikes the pain, she can always get used to this. there's a funny feeling on top of the pain, one that feels nice if not intense, and if she can focus on that, everything will be fine. it's that same feeling in her bladder from when she orgasmed, and she keeps getting sudden jolts of that feeling whenever he pulls his hips back. the girls tries to enjoy that brief but constant sensation every time it happens, and then braces herself for when he pushes deep into her; there's a steady rhythm to his movements, and she can get lost in it to ignore the pain, even to the point where she lets out a surprisingly soft moan.
when it's for others, yaoyao will always find a way to push through hard situations.
which is why when baizhu stops half way inside her and starts to cough hard, the girl can ignore the disruption of the rhythm that made her personally comfortable, and focus on him. "um… w-would it be better if you're the one laying down? i don't want you to hurt yourself…" she offers him once the coughing subsides, remembering the scene of qiqi being the one on top of him.
however, just like her, baizhu is kind at heart, despite himself. "no, this is your first time; you shouldn't be the one doing the work when you've never done it before," he tells her, before picking back up the rhythm of his hips. albeit, he's moving a bit slower than before, and he's no longer holding onto her—his arms are on either side of yaoyao's body to hold himself up while he leans over the girl, strands of long hair draping down onto her. his face is right above hers now, and he gives her a gentle smile. "i'll be okay, i promise. it's not like i last long anyways," he softly laughs, and yaoyao heart thuds loudly in her chest.
he's exactly what yaoyao wants to, is trying to, be like: someone who takes care of others, despite how much pain they may be in. maybe his constant efforts to comfort and reassure her was because he understands her on a more personal level—he understands how much it can hurt to be selfless. she certainly thinks that's the case, at least, and it leads to her heart feeling a lot more… warm towards doctor baizhu.
though, she isn't exactly thinking straight due to the haziness in her head, as she gets pushed into another orgasm. this one feels far more intense the first, probably because what's inside of her is more intense than a single finger, but the reason doesn't distract from the fact that it feels like someone is directly stepping on her stomach. and unlike last time, yaoyao's sure that she actually wet herself, feeling something warm and wet seeping into the bed sheets beneath her, but she can even manage an apology this time, her lips trembling as full body tremors take over her body. tears even start to leak from her eyes uncontrollably, and despite all of this, it doesn't feel bad to the girl—especially when something hot starts to pour inside of her.
baizhu pulls out of yaoyao, exhausted, and becomes limp on top of her, his head falling onto her naked chest. when it comes to this 'test run,' he's content with the fact that yaoyao does indeed have enough adeptal energy to subdue his pain; though, as he expected, it isn't strong enough to get rid of all his ailments, including his bodily fatigue. he can't move a muscle without strain, and only forces himself to do so when he hears the girl's heartbeat and breathing become steady again, in which he rolls off of her.
yaoyao sits up, taking a moment to reset herself. she honestly felt like she blacked out for a couple of minutes, but aside from doctor baizhu lying beside her, everything is the same. unfortunately, when looking down, she sees a large wet spot on the bed, along with some blood, and immediately turns to the man. "i-i'm so sorry about, um… messing up your bed. i'll wash it tomorrow morning, i-if you want…" she apologizes, but as she expected, baizhu brushed her idea off—his limp arm coming up to rest on the girl's shoulder, while he struggles to lift himself even a little.
"there's no need for… all of that…" he tells her between heavy breaths, trying to force down his exhaustion to at least talk to her. he tries to give her as warm of a smile as he can manage, while brushing the strands of hair sticking to the wetness of her cheek, "all i need you to do is clean yourself up, and i'll take care of the rest." yaoyao nods her head, and goes to follow his instruction, only to collapse the second her legs touch the floor. baizhu tries to react as fast as he can in his state, but the girl gets up easily, supporting herself on the nightstand; the man sighs, "here, i'll help you to the bathroom, yaoyao."
though, before he can even make the effort to sit up, yaoyao declines his offer, "i promise, i'll be fine. i-i just didn't expect for my legs to be numb is all." her legs do also hurt a lot in addition the partial numbness, but doctor baizhu doesn't need to worry himself over her anymore. "you can just rest… y-you really strained yourself, didn't you…?"
even if that much was obvious, baizhu still lets out a soft chuckle, "nothing gets past you, huh? you really are a little adult." heat rises to yaoyao's face at the confirmation, even if it's already been said; and maybe it's the fatigue, but baizhu truly does not regret this, even if there's remaining guilt for the long term consequences—he'll deal with those in time, though. for now, all he can say is, "you did great, yaoyao. we'll talk about whether or not you want to continue doing this tomorrow, alright?"
"okay… goodnight, doctor baizhu," she tells him, to which he wishes her the same. the girl grabs her clothes and her plush, putting them in her basket, and makes her way to the bathroom, slowly so as to not hurt herself.
now that it's all come to pass, yaoyao feels good, minus the soreness. she helped out doctor baizhu, if only a little, and she prevented qiqi from getting hurt, assuming he would have had sex with her if yaoyao didn't fall through with the plan; but after experiencing it, the girl is comfortable with doing this again. as soon as baizhu pulls her aside tomorrow, she'll happily agree to continue this arrangement.
because, as doctor baizhu said himself, she is a little adult; she's someone who will always take care of others and their responsibilities.
however, when she enters the bathroom and turns on the light, yaoyao instinctively looks at the mirror, and she… doesn't recognize her reflection.
standing in the mirror, all she sees is just a little girl.