Chapter Text
Kim Dokja lay in his bed, staring up at the ceiling as his mind went over everything that had happened in a single day. He still couldn't believe he was here, in his old room, in the house where he grew up, surrounded by family. His brother.
He still couldn't believe that he saw Jonghyun again.
The day that Kim Dokja left home, he had promised himself that he'd never come back. He had promised himself that he'd never put his heart in the hands of someone who couldn't love him truly. That was the best choice for him back then. Yet for Guwon's sake, that promise had been broken. Kim Dokja had always been weak to his brother's requests. And he would be lying if he said he didn't enjoy spending time with Guwon again.
There was a time when the two of them only ever had each other, a time when protecting Guwon was Kim Dokja's number one priority. As children, they were always by each other's side so now, it felt like a missing piece in Kim Dokja's life had been returned.
Thankfully, instead of sticking around, Yoo Jonghyun had been smart enough to make an excuse to leave. Kim Dokja knew he was lying but made no attempts to stop him nor did he attempt to mend their broken relationship. While he could forgive everyone for what happened in the past, Jonghyun was always an exception. An existence he only remembered so he would never make the same mistakes again. Even if Yoo Jonghyun was going to marry Guwon, there was no need for them to be friends. Because that itself would be a lie.
There were many emotions that Kim Dokja felt when he saw Yoo Jonghyun again. Anger. Betrayal. Sadness. But not love. Strangely enough, love was missing. So when Yoo Jonghyun leaned in for a hug, Kim Dokja quickly stepped away. Thankfully, Guwon didn't comment on that or feel angry because Kim Dokja wasn't treating his soulmate right. Instead, he pushed Yoo Jonghyun's frozen frame to the side and started blabbering about everything that Kim Dokja had missed while he was gone. It was nice to see that even after all these years, Kim Dokja was still Guwon's top priority.
As Kim Dokja smiled, remembering the way his brother had dismissed Yoo Jonghyun, there was a knock at the door.
"Hyung," Guwon's voice called out. "Can I sleep here with you?"
"Would you listen if I said no?" Kim Dokja asked, looking at the already open door.
Guwon grinned and quickly settled in on the other side of the bed.
"I was scared you wouldn't come, you know," he said, tugging at Kim Dokja's shirt.
"Have I ever said no to you?" Kim Dokja asked, brows raised.
"You haven't but things have... They're different now." Guwon frowned.
"Maybe but you're still my annoying brother," Kim Dokja assured but his heart felt heavy.
Because things were different. In the past, he would have never left Guwon's side. After all, they only had each other before their current parents, Hades and Persephone had adopted them. Not everyone wanted to take in two kids. And while people had shown an interest in Kim Dokja, he always ran away so he could stay with Guwon. The two were inseparable until Guwon's 18th birthday. After that, Kim Dokja didn't see his own brother for 4 years. He didn't ask about him. He didn't speak to him.
In his attempt to erase Yoo Jonghyun from his life, he had almost erased Guwon as well.
"I was surprised to see the invitation," Kim Dokja confessed. "I didn't think I'd be invited."
Guwon didn't say anything for a while. The silence was enough to tell Kim Dokja the truth.
"Did mom force you to call me?" Kim Dokja asked.
"No. No," Guwon shook his head. "I wanted you to be there but I was scared. And I didn't want you to be hurt. Especially since..."
I'm marrying your ex-boyfriend. Guwon didn't say those words out loud but they hung in the air.
"It was Yoo Joonghyuk actually," Guwon explained. "He convinced me that I should follow my heart and call you. That if I tried, you'd come home."
Kim Dokja blinked with surprise, not expecting that answer. When he'd seen Yoo Joonghyuk at the airport he was angry.
It didn't seem like Yoo Joonghyuk even wanted him there.
"Are you sure it was Yoo Joonghyuk and not Jonghyun?" Kim Dokja asked, unable to believe his brother.
"I'm pretty sure I can tell my fiance apart from his moody, emo brother," Guwon pointed out.
"Eh." Kim Dokja shrugged. The Yoo Jonghyun he knew was equally as moody and emo. But he wasn't going to say that out loud.
"Thank you for coming home," Guwon whispered with a smile.
"Thank you for calling me back."
"Now, go to sleep! Tomorrow's the rehearsal dinner!" Guwon scolded and Kim Dokja groaned.
Yoo Jonghyun would be there. All of Kim Dokja's old friends would be there. He was not looking forward to that at all.
"Do you want me to uninvite Jonghyun?" Guwon asked.
"You know that's his rehearsal dinner as well."
"Meh. He doesn't need to be there. Just say the word. I'll even put a veil on him for the wedding. Anything for you hyung."
"Suddenly I feel bad for Yoo Jonghyun."
Standing in the corner, Kim Dokja gripped his wine glass tightly as he tried to ignore the way people were staring at him. People who once used to be his friend and were now nothing more than strangers. He could tell that they didn't want him here. That they were unhappy with Guwon's decision to invite Kim Dokja to the wedding. And while Kim Dokja's instincts told him to run, he stood his ground. For his brother's sake.
While Guwon would understand his decision to leave, he'd be hurt. Kim Dokja couldn't bring himself to do that.
"You look like shit," Yoo Joonghyuk said as he walked over to Kim Dokja.
"Thanks. That's exactly what I needed to hear to make my day," Kim Dokja retorted sarcastically.
While he tried to play it cool, he was surprised to see that Yoo Joonghyuk willingly wanted to talk to him.
"I could lie and tell you that you look amazing but would you believe me?" Yoo Joonghyuk asked.
"Not at all." Kim Dokja smiled.
He'd never been good with receiving compliments, real or made up.
"You look terrified and you shouldn't be. You never did anything wrong," Yoo Joonghyuk suddenly said and Kim Dokja looked at him with surprise.
He didn't expect those words to come from someone who had been so angry at him just a few days ago.
Noticing his look, Yoo Joonghyuk cleared his throat, "I wasn't angry at you because of Guwon. I just want to clear that up."
"Then why?" Kim Dokja asked.
Yoo Joonghyuk sighed, "We'll talk about it later. Now's not the best time."
Kim Dokja was curious to know the truth but instead, he nodded. Today was Guwon's day. Whatever Yoo Joonghyuk was angry about, it could wait.
Slowly and steadily, Kim Dokja and Yoo Joonghyuk's conversation shifted into something more mundane. Normal even. Yoo Joonghyuk talked about his gaming career and how things were going well for him. Kim Dokja told him about his little book cafe and how that place had become his haven.
"I have two friends back home," Kim Dokja told Yoo Joonghyuk. "Real friends. I didn't think I'd ever trust anyone ever again but they proved me wrong."
"So you're saying you found friends better than the people in this room?" Yoo Joonghyuk asked with mock surprise.
Kim Dokja laughed, "I'm sure that Han Sooyoung and Yoo Sangah would put these people in their place if they ever found out the things they said to me."
"Good. You deserve people who'll stick up for you," Yoo Joonghyuk nodded, as though he approved of Han Sooyoung and Yoo Sangah even though he'd never met them. "Come on. It's time for the dinner."
Taking in a deep breath, Kim Dokja followed Yoo Joonghyuk to the table and took his seat beside his mother.
"Hello, my dear." Persephone kissed his cheek. "Are you having a good time?"
"Yes," Kim Dokja smiled at her.
He was grateful to her for being so caring. For loving both her sons equally and never picking a side. Kim Dokja wouldn't know what he would have done if he had not only lost Yoo Jonghyun but his entire family. He loved his brother and his parents too much to survive that. Keeping his eyes on his mother or Yoo Joonghyuk, Kim Dokja did his best to avoid the stares directed at him. The whispers that buzzed in the background and the malice that lingered in the air. Then, Yoo Jonghyun got up, ready to make a speech.
"First of all, I would like to thank you all for joining me and Guwon today. Your presence means a lot to both of us," Yoo Jonghyun started. "As you all know, Guwon and I didn't have the easiest start to our relationship. There were... Problems that we both had to deal with."
Hearing that, Kim Dokja looked down to hide the smile of disbelief on his face. After all, the problem that Yoo Jonghyun was referring to was him. Everyone knew that.
"But we got through it all and I can't take any credit for that," Yoo Jonghyun continued despite the look of shock on everyone's face. But he didn't seem to care as he turned towards Guwon, "Through these four years, Guwon has been my anchor, my biggest support, and without his kind heart and loving smile, I don't know where I would be. I knew from the day I met you that I loved you, Guwon."
While those words were meant to make Guwon happy, they just made him stare in disbelief. After all, when the two of them met for the first time, Yoo Jonghyun was dating Kim Dokja. While Yoo Jonghyun probably didn't expect Kim Dokja to be at the rehearsal dinner, that was a bold confession to make in front of people who had witnessed their relationship. People, who at one time, had regarded them as the perfect pair.
From the corner of his eyes, Kim Dokja could see his father's face turn red with anger while his mother did her best to soothe and calm him down.
This was a fucking disaster.
"Thank you for choosing me," Yoo Jonghyun quickly changed the topic as he realised what he had just confessed. "I love you today and I'll love you forever. My partner. My husband and my soulmate."
People clapped their hands, although no one could ignore the air of awkwardness in the hall. Or the pissed-off look on Guwon's face. He looked ready to jump Yoo Jonghyun and claw his face off. And while Kim Dokja should have been hurt, he really just wanted to laugh.
"I would like to make a toast as well. As the best man," Kim Namwoon suddenly got up, holding up his glass. He was probably trying to resolve the tension. "Guwon, Yoo Jonghyun, I've known you both since you were dating irrelevant people and I've known you when you were together."
Damn. Kim Dokja had been called many things throughout his life. Irrelevant was a first. Beside Kim Namwoon, Lee Jihye buried her face in her hands.
"And I've never seen a bond stronger than the one you both share," Kim Namwoon went on. "You both are meant to be. Literally. So I wish you both a lifetime of happiness and success."
While the speech had a strange start, at least the ending wasn't as bad. That's what Kim Dokja thought but just as Kim Namwoon started to sit down, he suddenly changed his mind.
"Also, I'd like to add that I'm glad you both removed the part where the priest asks someone if they object to the union," Kim Namwoon added with a cruel smile. "We wouldn't want certain people getting any ideas."
"What the fuck, Namwoon?!" Guwon demanded.
"It's a joke!" Kim Namwoon laughed but Kim Dokja knew it wasn't. That boy meant every word he said.
Just the way Yoo Jonghyun had.
Kim Dokja knew from the moment he stepped onto the plane that something like this could happen. He knew that in some ways, history would repeat itself. And while Kim Namwoon's words were hurtful, it wasn't as painful as Yoo Jonghyun's confession. His revelation that perhaps he had never loved Kim Dokja. That he had only seen him as a replacement for his brother. The nine years they had spent together, every kiss, every touch, it had all belonged to someone else.
As those thoughts swirled in Kim Dokja's head, before he knew it, he was on his feet, several eyes boring into him. He didn't want to make a scene. He didn't want to ruin Guwon's night. That wasn't why he had come back home so his hand reached out for his champagne flute. Kim Dokja could pretend that he wanted to make a toast for the happy couple. But as he glanced at the people in the room, his former friends who were sitting directly across him, ready to jump in to stop him, he realized that nothing he said would make a difference.
These people, despiting having known him their entire lives, didn't understand him at all. It wasn't worth pretending in front of him. It wasn't worth hurting himself to seem good in their eyes.
Shaking his head, Kim Dokja took a step back and then walked away from the dinner, Guwon's voice calling out for him. This was the last thing Kim Dokja wanted to do but once he got up, his feet didn't stop moving until he was outside of the venue.
"What the fuck," he whispered to himself as he took in one deep breath followed by another. "What the actual fuck?!" He cursed louder.
"Agreed," Yoo Joonghyuk said, making Kim Dokja jump in surprise. He then held out a glass of water towards him.
"You okay?" "I..." Kim Dokja started. "I'm not sure." He admitted. "I expected this to happen. Even imagined the scene in my head. People were much more cruel then."
"I'm sure." Yoo Joonghyuk snorted. "But your imagination can't prepare you for reality."
"It really can't." Kim Dokja shook his head. "I didn't see any of this coming."
He hadn't seen Yoo Jonghyun's confession coming. Kim Dokja didn't know that even when they were together, Yoo Jonghyun was looking at someone else.
"I gave him nine years of my life," Kim Dokja said, unable to hold back his feelings. "And the whole time, he was in love with someone else. Why would he do that to me?"
As he stared down at his hands, Kim Dokja didn't really expect an answer. After all, no one could give him the answers except for Yoo Jonghyun and Kim Dokja wasn't sure he wanted to see him again. Ever.
"I'm sorry," Yoo Joonghyuk apologized.
"Why? You're not the one who used me." Kim Dokja asked with a weary smile. He then rubbed his face. "I didn't even like him at first, you know? He was the one who pursued me and when he asked me out the first time, I said no. I should have stuck to that answer until the end."
"Jonghyun is a fucking idiot," Yoo Joonghyuk sighed. Then he looked at Kim Dokja. "Do you... Do you still love him?"
Kim Dokja was surprised by the question.
"No," he answered honestly. "I haven't loved him for a long time now... I just... I don't have any more love to give to him or to anyone else. Those nine years of my life took everything from me."
Yoo Joonghyuk stared at Kim Dokja with sad eyes. Pitiful eyes but he didn't say anything.
Instead, he lowered his gaze, "I'm sorry," he repeated.
"It's not your fault." Kim Dokja smiled. "Fate had other plans. I just wish I had known from the beginning."
"Would that have changed anything?" Yoo Joonghyuk asked.
"Maybe. If I had known I wouldn't have wasted my time imagining a life with Yoo Jonghyun where I was loved and wanted. I would have given up from the very start. I would have protected my heart."
"Kim Dokja... You're a fool," Yoo Joonghyuk whispered, his eyes watery.
"I should be the one crying, you know," Kim Dokja laughed.
But Yoo Joonghyuk didn't respond. He just held onto his hand, gripping it tightly. And that warmth was all Kim Dokja needed to feel alright.
Kim Dokja and Yoo Joonghyuk stayed outside until both of them had calmed down. When they returned, Guwon came rushing up to them, worried about Kim Dokja.
"Don't you have other things to take care of? Like, I don't know, a wedding?" Kim Dokja asked, pulling his cheeks.
"You mean more to me than any wedding," Guwon declared.
Yoo Jonghyun who was standing behind him sighed as though he had heard those words before.
"I'm sorry about what happened, Kim Dokja," he said.
But he wasn't apologizing for his confession. For the love he secretly harboured for Guwon all those years. Yet, Kim Dokja didn't feel anger. Instead, he smiled.
"I wish you both the best," he said, hugging Guwon tightly.
Then he hugged Yoo Jonghyun, much to everyone's surprise.
"If you ever hurt Guwon the way you hurt me, if your eyes ever stray and look at someone else, remember this warning Jonghyun because I'll rip your balls off and feed them to you, am I clear?" Kim Dokja whispered in Yoo Jonghyun's ear.
Yoo Jonghyun froze and then nodded, "Of course. I understand," he said with a tight smile.
Guwon was confused by the exchange while Yoo Joonghyuk grinned widely.
"I'll take Kim Dokja home," he said.
"Okay," Guwon pouted, sad that Kim Dokja was leaving so early. But he didn't try to force him to stay.
Waving at the two, Kim Dokja had just reached the door when someone grabbed his arm.
"Wait!" Lee Jihye said, out of breath. She seemed to have chased him down. "Some of us going out for drinks. We wanted you to join us."
Kim Dokja looked behind her to find his old friends staring at him. Yeah, he definitely didn't want to do that.
"Please, ahjusshi?" Lee Jihye's grip around his arm tightened. "We haven't seen each other in so long. Let's catch up."
Kim Dokja wanted to say no. He wanted to just leave. Because he knew that these people didn't want to catch up. Instead, they wanted to know what Kim Dokja was planning, still convinced that he wanted to get in between Guwon and Yoo Jonghyun. If Kim Dokja didn't go with them, he'd spare himself a headache. But then they'd start bothering Guwon. Kim Dokja's eyes flicked to his brother who was talking to their mother and smiling. In order to protect that smile, with a heavy heart, he nodded.
"Alright. I'll listen to what you have to say," he said, knowing that he would regret this