Archive of Our Own ^beta

Elementary school

“Today’s the day.” Bae firmly declares, a determined look on her face as if she’s about to head to battle.

“Day for what?” Irys asks confused, sipping the last of her juice from a plastic cup in her hands.

“I mean it this time. Auntie Calli has been weird lately. She’s been distracted all day, so it’s now or never.” Bae says with confidence.

“You haven’t answered my question.” Irys slightly pouts.

The two of them were currently sitting at a table in the corner of the school’s cafeteria by themselves with trays of food in front of them. Despite the cafeteria being always full at lunch time, the small spot where the two usually ate was well hidden by the second entrance door, which gave the two small girls a good amount of privacy.

Glancing at Bae, Irys saw a wide grin forming on her face. Bae was Irys’ best (and only, though Irys would argue over that) friend. Ever since the two of them met at first grade, they’ve become inseparable. If you were ever to see one of them in the school, the other one would not be far behind. And although Irys always seemed to be a shy, well-behaved kid from the teachers’ point of view, it wasn’t rare to see her getting dragged around by Bae’s more adventurous ideas and energy.

“I’m talking about her coffee. If there ever was a chance for it, now’s the time.” Bae clarifies, a glint in her eyes.

Irys raised an eyebrow at her friend. Miss Mori was known for bringing a thermos with coffee to her classes. For the entire week, Bae’s been obsessed with stealing Miss Mori’s coffee ever since she refused to share it with Bae, stating that it was an ‘adults’ drink. And despite Bae’s best attempts at convincing her, them being family was not a good enough argument for Miss Mori.

And to be fair, Irys can’t deny that she’s curious about the drink as well.

So she looked at her best friend in the eyes and gave her a conspiratorial nod.

Soon after, the two of them quickly left through the second entrance next to them, leaving their trays at the table.

The teacher’s lounge wasn’t far away from the cafeteria itself. Once they arrived at their destination, the two girls peeked over the door’s window to see who was inside.

Normally, the teachers would also go out and take lunch over at the cafeteria. Because of this, the teacher’s lounge would normally be empty at lunch hour. All that being said, an exception to the rule was Miss Mori, the target herself, who always seemed to prefer having lunch at the teacher’s lounge.

And as expected, Miss Mori was right there, seemingly focusing entirely on the phone in her hand. The desired red thermos was next to her as well, easily in her reach.

“Now what?” Irys whispers to Bae, who seemed to be pondering the same thing as both of them take cover under the door’s window. “We won’t be able to get to the coffee with her on the way.”

Bae taps her finger on her chin a few times before looking at Irys. “I have an idea. If you are able to distract Auntie Calli for just a few moments, then I’ll be able to sneak some of the coffee in here.” She says, taking out a small plastic bottle from her pocket.

Irys was not amused by the idea. “Why should I be the one to distract her? You’re her nephew, so you do it! I’ll be the one to get the coffee.” She said defiantly.

“Nuh uh!” Bae shakes her head. “It’s my bottle, so I get to be the one to steal the coffee! Besides, she’ll notice immediately that there’s something wrong if I’m the one to distract her.” Bae bitterly murmurs, likely from experience.

“Well, I’m not going to.” Irys stubbornly says as she stomps her foot on the floor. “I’m not going to get in trouble just bec-“

“Ssshhh” Bae interrupts her as she places a finger on Irys’ lips. “I hear something.” Bae whispers.

Surprised at the interruption, Irys only nods at her friend as she pays attention to her surroundings.

“…Look, just give me a second. I’ll go somewhere more private, alright?” Miss Mori’s voice appears at the other side of the door, the voice approaching slowly towards them.

“Bae, we need to hide!” Irys whispers urgently as the two of them crouch next to the door. As soon as they get on position, the door opens and the target walks out, not noticing the two girls behind the open door.

“Now’s our chance!” Bae whispers hurriedly. “I’ll go inside and take the coffee. You need to follow her and make sure she doesn’t get back before I’ve finished. Got it?”

Before Irys can answer, Bae quickly bolts towards the teachers’ lounge, leaving her alone. Sighing to herself, she renounces herself to her fate and quickly follows her target, who just entered the teachers’ bathroom.

Pressing her ear against the bathroom door, Irys started to eavesdrop on the conversation.

“Yes, I’m aware that- Yes… Yes, and like I told you, I already know that.“ Miss Mori says rudely, and Irys is slightly shocked from seeing the mature woman this annoyed. “Well, what do you want me to do, then? Leave with her? You know I can’t do that, Ame.”

Silence starts to settle on the other side of the door, and Irys is struck by fear that perhaps she’s been caught. Before she could run and warn Bae, however, Miss Mori’s voice appeared once more.

“We’ve talked already. We…We are both okay with it. It’s just the way things turned out, I guess.” A pause. “Of course I’m going to miss her, we’ve been together our entire lives. Besides, it’s not like she’s just going to disappear, we’ll still keep in contact. She’s my best friend after all… It’ll be weird not having her around the apartment, though.” After another small pause, Miss Mori suddenly barks out a laugh. “Fuck off, Ame. You already know you’re my best friend as well. Still, thanks for the offer but really, I’ll be okay.”

Irys then feels soft tapping on her shoulder. She quickly turns back, heart leaping out of chest at the thought of being caught. Standing in front of her, however, is Bae holding a small plastic bottle with coffee inside.

“I got it!” Bae whispers excitedly as she grabs Irys’ hand. “C’mon, let’s get going! Quickly!”

Suddenly being pulled away forcibly, Irys slightly loses her balance before she recovers and follows Bae.

The two of them keep a light jog until they reach the cafeteria, where they quietly sneak back into their seats from the second entrance.

Once the two of them sit at the table again, their breath ragged and hearts pumping from the adrenaline, Bae lets out one of the biggest grins Irys has seen.

“We did it! We actually did it!” Bae celebrates as she starts shaking the bottle with black liquid inside. “Take that, Auntie!” She says while laughing.

And despite the successful heist they just committed, Irys’ thoughts seemed to be stuck over a particular part of Miss Mori’s conversation.

Of course I’m going to miss her, we’ve been together our entire lives.

“Bae?” Irys asks, a strange feeling of anxiety climbing through her.

“Mmh?” Bae mumbles as she starts transferring a half of the strange, dark liquid on the cup, a tongue poking out of her closed lips in concentration. “What is it?”

“You’re not going to leave, are you?” Irys asks timidly.

Bae stops pouring the coffee onto the other cup. “Why would I?” Bae asks, tilting her head. “Sure this thing smells awful, but I’m not going to quit now.”

Irys shakes her head. “No, not that. I’m saying that you’re not going to leave me alone, are you?” She asked, her lower lip involuntarily quivering slightly.

Bae rapidly blinks, surprised at the question. “Well, we’ve made it together this far, haven’t we?” Says Bae, as if two years of elementary school was equivalent to the longest journey. “I’m not going to just leave.”

Irys, however, was not as convinced as Bae was. “I mean, I guess that’s true…” She says hesitantly.

Bae expression morphs into one of worry as she starts glancing at Irys, who seemed to be very troubled all of a sudden.

Suddenly, an idea appeared on Bae’s head. “I know!” She says with a smile. “Let’s make a promise pact!”

A promise pact? “You mean… like a pinky promise?” Irys asks.

Bae, however, shakes her head. “No, no. A pinky promise is for children. I want to make an adult promise. A coffee promise!”

Irys raises an eyebrow. “Does that even exist?”

Bae confidently nods. “Of course it does! And because it’s an adult’s promise, it’s going to be much more effective than usual!”

Irys stared at her, blinking rapidly. An adult’s promise. It sounded… trustworthy. She lets out a relieved smile. “Alright, let’s do it then!”

Bae nods before she coughs into her hand, preparing a dramatic voice. “Well then, from here on forth, this coffee will symbolize our promise. That no matter what happens, we’ll always stay together. Do you accept?” Bae says as she presents her a cup.

Irys nods with a big smile. “I do.” She says as she takes her cup of coffee.

And oh god, it really did smell awful. And why is it warm?

With a mixture of enthusiasm, and a fair amount of hesitance, the two of them start drinking the liquid at the same time.

It was, without doubt, the most disgusting thing either of them had ever tasted.

And yet, despite that, the two of them pushed forth, tears forming in their eyes from the taste. Neither of them wanting to break the promise made under a coffee pact.

As the two of them suffer the disgusting drink in order to be there for the other, Irys quietly wonders if this is what adulthood is like.

*BEEP* *BEEP* *BEEP*

It was the seventh time the alarm was activated from the snooze option. And now I’m going to be 70 minutes late, Irys thinks to herself as she stares at her phone from her bed. Doing quick math, she realizes that she has around 15 minutes before her manager starts spamming her phone with calls and messages. Instead of doing anything about it, however, she forces her eyes closed.

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*BEEP* *BEEP* *BEEP*

Eighth time now. She dreaded what would happen in five more minutes as she stared once more at her phone. This was supposed to be an important appointment, although to be fair that’s what her manager told her over practically every single appointment.

God, they were really going to chew her head off once they find out she’s been in her bed this entire time.

Grimacing, she makes what she realizes is a terrible choice and puts her phone on ‘Do Not Disturb’ mode before leaving it on her bedside table.

As she turns around the bed to face the other way, she tries to ignore the prickle of guilt that she feels for ignoring her responsibilities.

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.

.

How long has it been now? Irys can’t tell if she’s been dozing on and off or if she has been awake the entire time. Her thoughts have become muddled, a mixture where one couldn’t tell anymore what was right and left. The only thing that she could get from it was the fact that she felt more tired than she had ever been, and even then it feels like a simplification of a much greater thing.

Even so, she was really tired.

Will her manager come and knock on her door? Is that something that even happens or is allowed? So far she has heard nothing of the outside world, despite knowing that she ditched the entire agenda of today.

Repressing the need to scream on her pillow, she turns around the other way and checks her phone again. It’s been 2 hours since she left it in the ‘Do Not Disturb’ more, and there are few things she dreads more than taking the option off at this moment. Knowing that the problem will just grow bigger unless she faces it, she gathers up all the courage she has at the moment to tap the setting button.

Over 50 missed calls. She didn’t even want to see how many messages there would be. Shit.

A few seconds later, her phone beings to vibrate as her manager started calling her again. She really didn’t want to take that call, but by pure reflex she flipped the icon to answer it.

“Irys.” They say bluntly. “Explain yourself. Where are you right now?”

Irys flinches. “I’m at my house, I slept through the alarms. Sorry.” She lies.

“I have a hard time believing that you slept through more than 30 calls.” 50, actually.

“I’m sorry, it won’t happen again.”

There’s a moment of silence on the other side of the other side of the phone. “Irys, talk to me. Are you alright?” They say with concern, a rare moment of emotion coming from them.

She opens her mouth to say how she is fine. How this was just a weird day. “…I think I need a break.” She says instead, a sense of defeat coursing through her.

“…Alright.” They say. “How long would it be?”

“I don’t know yet.”

“That’s fine. I’ll keep it open-ended.”

Irys blinks in surprise. “…Just like that? You’re going to give me a break at a moment’s notice? What about what I did today?” She asked, not believing what was happening.

“You’re burnt out.” They say as a matter of fact. “I’ve seen this thing happen before to other talents. The best thing to do is to just give you space and sort it out.” A small pause. “This was my mistake, I should have noticed it earlier.”

“You’ve been overworking yourself, haven’t you? You’ve been overworking yourself and I didn’t even notice it.”

She grits her teeth tightly.

“Thanks.” She says simply. After exchanging a bit more details, Irys hangs up.

She needed to leave this place, she realized absently.

Deciding to finally get out of her bed, Irys stood up and immediately began to pack her things in a big duffel bags she had lying around. She wasn’t sure how long she would be gone, so she didn’t want to carry too much.

Besides, she could always buy more stuff if it came down to it.

After hastily finishing her travelling bag, she took out her phone and booked the first flight to her destination, as well as renting a hotel room in the area. After checking that everything was ready, she decided to quickly head off towards the airport before she gave herself time to think things through.

She wasn’t in the mood for thinking right now.

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Dropping her things on the floor in a rather brute manner, Irys stood still as she stared around her room, finding out that the room was actually quite nice. When she booked a place to stay she wasn’t really paying attention to how it looked, she only wanted to find something that would have rooms available at the time. The room itself wasn’t anything special, but that fact alone made it a good place in Irys’ eyes.

She sighed as she looked out through the window. It was dark outside, the lamplights below showing off an empty street. It was currently 2 am, so the lack of activity didn’t exactly come as a surprise.

Jetlag is a bitch. Irys thinks to herself, not feeling the slightest bit of sleepiness. She had only arrived an hour ago, and she had slept throughout the whole 5-hour flight. Internally, she knew she had no one to blame but herself for this outcome. Still staring contemplatively at the window, she couldn’t help but begin to ask herself the questions she’d been avoiding.

What is she doing? What is she hoping to accomplish by doing all this? And why here of all places?

She realizes that all of this was the most impulsive decision she has made in her entire life, and yet she couldn’t find it in herself to regret any of it. She’s realized it for a while now, but lately her thoughts have felt disconnected from her. She feels as if she’s been stuck in a never-ending loop of routines and responsibilities, to the point that she no longer felt like herself.

“Okay, that’s enough of that.” Irys whispers to herself, shaking off her thoughts. She glanced at the empty street once more, an idea forming in her head. She knew that going out in the middle of the night was far from the safest thing to do, but she felt a need to absorb some of the fresh night air and take in the memories of this place. Even after these 5 years, she still remembered parts of this neighborhood.

Putting back on the big summer hat and sunglasses that she used to travel here incognito, she lightly stretched her arms and left her room. Once outside the hotel, the cold yet comfortable breeze of the night passed her in a tranquil manner, and Irys felt herself being able to breath for a long time. She didn’t intend to stay outside for long, she just wanted to walk for a few minutes to clear her awful mood and come back. That’s all.

A few minutes in, she found a lonely open coffee shop. She really could use a coffee right about now. The drink itself did bring bitter memories from time to time, but even that started to fade away once she decided to inject an unhealthy amount of caffeine into her day-to-day routine.

She decided. Irys was just going to go in, get herself a coffee, and leave, all the while internally praying that the barista wasn’t of the talkative sort. She was still in a bitter mood, and she didn’t want to talk to anyone at the moment.

Honestly, what’s the worst that could happen?

First year of high school

It was a sudden revelation to Bae. Something that she could not have expected at any point in her life. An entirely unpredictable event.

She had feelings for Irys.

“Just go out with her already.” Mumei suddenly says one day unprompted as she draws on her sketch book in art class. “At first it was kind of cute, so Fauna convinced us to just let it be. It was also very funny, which is why I let it be. But now, it’s just painful.” Mumei pauses, tilts her head slightly as if recalling something. “Also, I’m going to lose the bet with Kronii at this rate so please hurry it up.”

Bae whips her head towards where Mumei was sitting, her jaw seemingly stopping from working as it kept uselessly hanging. Apparently, the turn of events was so predictable that her entire group of friends had even made bets over it. How did they know?

“You’ve been staring at her for 30 minutes now, and you’ve not even began drawing.” Mumei says as she continued to draw whatever hellish creature took her fancy this day. “This is graded by the way, so you should probably start now.” She says absentmindedly.

Oh.

Yeah, that would do it.

She lets out a sigh as she tries to free her mind from the thoughts of her crush. But no matter how much she tries, her thoughts always go back to Irys.

A particular thought that she always came back for, and that always left her giddy, was that day when they made the most important promise in her life.

Truth is, Bae realized, that the promise they made wasn’t done just because she wanted to reassure Irys.

It was made because she wanted the comfort of not thinking about how Irys could leave one day.

Oh. She thinks. I’m down bad, aren’t I? She thinks to herself as she looks down at her blank sketch page.

The blank sketch page that she now had 20 minutes to complete. Huh.

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.

She got a D- that day.

Bae barely holds herself from outright screaming in surprise.

What the fuck was Irys doing here? And with such a dumb, pretentious get-up to boot.

Bae was just relaxing as she did her night shift, since few to no customers entered at this time of the night. When the doors opened, she could tell at first glance that this would be an annoying one. A customer wearing sunglasses and a large summer hat at 2 am in the night spelt nothing but trouble. She has attended to customers like that, and they always had the haughtiest, most stuck-up personality. And yet, a familiar, nostalgic feeling stuck to her.

It wasn’t until she got closer that she realized who this person was.

Panicking, Bae glances downwards, hoping that the beak of her visor would hide her identity. A sudden mix of emotions too complicated to identify make their way through her mind, overwhelming her.

“I would like a large latte please, no sugar.” Irys says casually as she uses her phone, not paying much attention to Bae.

Bae feels as if she’s been struck with a blunt object.

Irys… Hasn’t recognized her.

Irys, the same person that’s been haunting her thoughts for five years now, doesn’t recognize her.

Something inside of her broke. From one instant to another, the surge of emotions on her chest froze over. Sadness, fear, hurt, regret, loneliness and others that she couldn’t even identify had converted into a block of indignation.

She hasn’t been this pissed off in a very long time.

Biting the corner of her lip in a futile attempt to soothe her anger, Bae raised her head again to see Irys being glued to her phone.

Noticing the lack of response, Irys raised her sight back to Bae and raised an eyebrow. “Is something the matter?” She asks with an impatient tone.

Deep down, Bae knew Irys didn’t mean that as a taunt. But with the way her anger was clouding her judgment, she couldn’t take it as anything but. She does her best to convince herself that it’s not worth it to lose this gig just so that she can get to punch that damn face. She’s not doing a good job at it.

Irys huffs. “I don’t have the entire day. Are you going to take my order or not?”

The words slip out before she can put a filter on it. “Well, didn’t you end up becoming a fucking diva. I guess you did find what you were looking for in the end.” She spits venomously, sarcasm dripping from her voice. “Good for you.”

Irys stops fiddling with her phone, shocked by the audacity of the barista. “Excuse me?” She exclaims, drawn back from the hostility shown.

“What? Did you become so important that there’s no longer any need to pay attention to us peasants? Or are you so busy that you don’t have the time to pay attention to anyone other than yourself. Again.” Says Bae with a cutting edge, the last part of the sentence becoming a double-edged blade as she feels the coming hurt from the memories.

Finally, the expression of recognition appears on her face. “…Bae.” She whispers breathlessly. “Wha- What are you doing here?” She starts panicking.

That… wasn’t the reaction she was hoping for. She wanted to piss her off, to hurt her.

“What do you think? I work here, genius. The real question is, why are you here? And why are you wearing that stupid hat.”

Irys slowly takes off her hat, examining it as if she had just noticed that it was there the entire time. “I… didn’t want to be recognized.” She whispers, her expression looking paler by the moment. She looks as if she wants to be anywhere but here.

“Yes, because wearing a big summer hat in the middle of the night is the peak of inconspicuousness.” She says with sarcasm. “Now, answer the question. What the fuck are you doing here?”

Irys shakes her head as if trying to wake up from a bad dream, her entire body trembling. “I… I-” She stammers. “I shouldn’t be here.” Without saying another word, Irys turns around and practically sprints towards the exit. Bae watches her back as she does so, not bothering to do something about it.

It should’ve been gratifying, she thinks to herself, having managed to release the frustration she’s felt for all this time. Hell, this exact scenario was something she repeatedly fantasized about happening.

So why was it that she felt like the scum of the earth?

Second year of high school.

For Irys, it was a life-changing experience. She had never seen anything like it.

She had known that concerts existed and all that, but she had never really thought about it much. It was just a thing that was there.

But, even through her computer screen, she could feel how she was completely absorbed, completely captivated by the event. How the crowd would jump and shout. How the lights flew and enraptured you. How in the spotlight, the singer exposed their heart to the crowd. How they had such an open communication between feelings that were transmitted through the music and their singing to the audience.

It was the most beautiful thing she had ever seen. Ever since she found one out by accident while browsing videos one week ago, she’s been unable to stop.

“Is it about the lives again?” Bae asks tiredly, currently sat in Irys’ bed and showing a complete lack of interest in the matter.

Irys presses her lips in a thin line. Bae’s been in a weird mood lately. “Why are you being such a killjoy about it?”

Bae scoffs. “I just don’t get how you are this obsessed with it. It makes no sense, what’s so special about them that you watch the all day?”

“…Oooh” Irys drawled with a teasing tone, realization hitting her. “I see what it is now. Mhm, mhm. I see.” She nods.

Bae gives her a deadpan look. “I know you’re going to become insufferable if I ignore you, so I’ll just bite the bullet and get it over with. What is it?”

“You are jealous.” She whispers with a grin. “You want all my attention on you.” She walks closer to her.

“I’m going to hit you.” Bae says without weight, though a small smile started appearing.

She ignores that. “Ooh, but Bae! You should know already that you’ll always be my number one. Surely, you must remember our pact!” She dramatically says with a hand on her chest, as if acting in a theater. “We are bonded by blood. Nay, we are bonded by fate itself!”

“I remember when you used to be shy as a kid. How did you turn out like this?” Bae tries her best to hide her smile, but she can’t help the twitching in the corner of her mouth.

“Oh, come on. You know you like this. Don’t try to hide your feelings now, we should all strive to be honest with ourselves!” She says as passionately as she can, though her laugh leaks out of her voice at the end.

Bae laughs out loud. “You are such an idiot.”

Irys laughs together with her as she finishes her teasing. A warm feeling flooding through her chest at the acknowledgement that she was the one that made Bae laugh.

She just wanted to lift Bae’s mood. And it worked.

After the two calmed down, a comfortable silence settled between the two of them. In an impulse, Irys decides to lay down on her bed and rest her head on Bae’s thighs.

“I just think they’re amazing.” She answers simply to Bae’s first question, looking up at her. “I could go on and on about why I think that, but it all boils down to that.”

Bae bites her lips and glances to the side, becoming somewhat stiff. Irys could tell she was anxious about something.

Before she could try and pry it open, however, Bae spoke up. “Do you-“ She suddenly stops, before taking a breath and continuing. “Do you want to do that? Become a singer, do lives and all of that?” She says shyly.

Irys blinks twice in surprise. “What makes you think that?”

Bae looks back at her, her expression serious. “I’ve never seen you like this, Irys. This… excited, this invested.” She pauses slightly. “Do you want to become a singer?” She repeats the question.

“A singer?” She repeats. “I mean, it would be amazing and all, but c’mon. That’s not going to happen.”

“Why not?”

“I mean… I’m just me, Bae. What am I going to do?” Irys states, as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.

“You could make it.” Bae says without hesitation. “I have no doubt about that.”

Irys feels too astonished to speak. Being forced to just blink at Bae.

Bae continues. “If you wanted to, you could do it. And if you did, then…” She looks up at the roof, trying to hide her face. “Then you would leave, wouldn’t you.”

Oh. Suddenly, Irys understands why Bae has been acting strange lately.

“You know what, Bae? I think you’re the most adorable person I’ve ever seen.” Irys says with a huge grin. Before Bae could shrug it off, however, Irys continued. “And I’m not being sarcastic or anything. The fact that you had no doubt that I could become a singer, that you instantly worried over whether we would stay together or not. It… It means a lot to me.”

Bae glances to the side, her cheeks burning. “I mean… it’s not really that special, is it? It’s just normal.”

Irys continued smiling. “It is to me. It means everything to me.”

She loves Bae. She loves Bae so much that she feels she’s going to explode.

Bae is still quietly watching the roof, though Irys can easily see the intense red on her neck and cheeks.

“You know,” Irys whispers, not wanting to ruin the moment. “You can make it as well.”

Bae startles slightly, before glancing down at Irys’ face with a confused eyebrow.

Irys continues. “If we do this together, then we won’t need to leave each other, right?”

Bae opens her mouth in surprise, before closing it and pondering her words. “I mean, yes. I guess so.”

Irys sighs happily. “Let’s do it then. Let’s make it to the top.” She turns around and reaches Bae’s cheek with her hand.

She doesn’t need to wait long before the two desperately seek each other’s lips.

She hears knocking at the door.

“It’s open!” Irys says, sitting on a chair while watching the slightly orange-tinted sky, noticing a big cluster of clouds close in the sky. The door to the hotel room slowly opens, with Kronii quietly entering the room and closing the door behind her.

Irys stands up, greeting her old friend. “Hey, Kronii. It’s been a while.”

Kronii instinctively scratches one of her shoulder blades somewhat awkwardly. “Uhm. Hey, Irys.” She says slightly conflicted, not sure how to approach the situation.

Kronii approaches and stays a bit closer than normal etiquette, seemingly fidgeting with her hands and arms, not knowing whether she should give a handshake, a pat on the shoulder or a hug. Instead of any of those things, she stayed on the spot, awkwardly shuffling as she waited for Irys to do something and react to it.

Irys smiled as she closed the distance and hugged her, with Kronii immediately returning the gesture. She was glad Kronii was still the same old dork.

It’s not like this is the first time they’ve spoken in years or anything. She still kept contact from time to time with her old friend group, and Kronii was the one she spoke to the most.

It is, however, the first time the two of them see face to face in a very long time.

Parting from the hug, Irys invites Kronii into sitting in a couch, while she goes and sits on the chair she was just using.

“Irys.” Kronii begins, not beating around the bush. “Why are you here? What happened?”

She shrugs. “I just… needed a break. I’ve been staying here since two days ago.”

“You’re not someone who simply goes and takes a break.” Kronii says, not buying it. “C’mon Irys, tell me. What happened?”

Irys kept silent, not sure if she wanted to truly talk about it. She had called Kronii on an impulse, knowing she needed someone to talk with, but she hadn’t really thought that far ahead.

Noticing that Irys wouldn’t answer, Kronii attempted to guess. “…Is it because of Bae?” She asks, knowing she was stepping in the middle of a minefield.

Irys visibly flinches, remembering her less than pleasant encounter with her from two days ago. “No.” She manages to get out, making an effort to not shake her voice. “Although I did run into her the day I arrived.”

That seemed to take Kronii by surprise, her eyes growing wide. “You did?” Irys nodded. “And what happened?”

Irys quickly explained the turn of events that happened at that coffee shop.

Kronii sighs. “Sorry you had to go through that.”

Irys shrugs. “Don’t worry about it, I don’t really care that much. I’m over it.”

It was the biggest, most obvious lie she had ever told, and they both knew that.

Still, Kronii took the hint. Irys does not want to talk about Bae right now. “C’mon, Irys. Are you going to make me play twenty questions or something? Just tell me, what happened to you?”

Irys glances down at her hands, placing them together. She took a deep breath and revealed her inner thoughts.

“I’m honestly not sure.” Irys confesses. “…Back then, when I was in high school, the only thing I thought of was being where I am right now, of being able to dedicate my life to singing as a profession, as if it were some sort of mountain to climb. I’d look at this steep dream that I had, and I would put my entire body and soul into it, just so that I could see the view from the top. So I could stand on a stage with crowds and spotlights.” Irys lips starts forming a small, sad smile. “But… I always thought that would be it. The happy ending, the one where I finally achieved the dreams I had since high school. I didn’t realize that the story kept on going forward. Now that I’m standing on top of this mountain, I realize it wasn’t actually a mountain at all. There’s no scenic view to take on the peak, because there is no peak. Once I reached it, I realized… I still have to keep on climbing. All the effort I’ve put isn’t a means to an end, it’s what’s asked of you constantly. And I don’t know how much longer I can keep climbing.”

Kronii purses her lips, thinking. “…Well, that’s just life, isn’t it?” She says softly. ”I know this sounds mean, but there’s never going to be a moment in life where you can have the luxury of not making an effort anymore. That’s why we need to look for ways to make our efforts worth it, because nothing’s going to ever stop life.”

Irys hangs her head down. “I get what you mean… Truly, I do. But lately I’ve been wondering, why did I go through all that effort just to end up feeling like this? To feel this exhausted. This frustrated. This… Sad. Even now that I’m on a break, I’ve done nothing but dread the day I’ll have to go back.”

“…You shouldn’t do stuff that makes you feel miserable. If this job is causing you so much agony, then you should just quit.” Kronii says, not mincing her words.

Irys flinches, defensive anger flowing through her. “I’m not an idiot, I know that already! It’s just… I just-!” She stumbles, trying to find the words missing to express herself. “… I wish things were like I thought they would’ve been. If I were to give up now, then what was it all for? All that time I’ve spent training, all the effort I’ve put to get here.” She pauses. “I lost Bae because of this. I can’t just give up.” I’m not like her, a bitter part of her mind thought. “I’m just… This is just a phase. I’ll get over it eventually. I have to.”

Kronii stares at her. She presses her lips together to form a straight line, not knowing what to say. “Alright.” She finally says, acquiescing to the discussion. “I can’t force you to do anything, Irys, and I don’t want to either. But I’d like it if you could at least consider it, okay?”

Irys hesitated. The very idea of quitting seemed alien to her, and giving it any more thought than instantaneous rejection felt like heresy.

But she also realizes that she can’t keep going the way she has until now. That something needs to change, even if she doesn’t know what that something is yet. She hated the idea of giving it all up after all this time, but she needed to at least examine the idea before just discarding it like she always did. “Sure.” Irys says. “I’ll consider it.”

Kronii nods. “Thanks.” She lazily leans back onto her couch as she crosses her leg over her knee, giving off an air of aloof coolness as she languidly unlocks her phone.

An air of aloofness that instantly dissipates the moment she looks at her phone, panic starting to take a hold of her as she starts flaying slightly, back suddenly upright. “Oh no. Oh fuck, this is bad.” She says with a grimace.

Irys feels a sense of urgency take a hold of her. “What? What is it?”

Kronii’s face morphs into an expression of shame. “I forgot I had dinner with Mumei and Fauna today. And I’m so late.”

The sense of urgency inside of her instantly deflated. Instead, a mischievous feeling took its place. “Oooooh, you are so screwed.” She says gleefully, taking full enjoyment of her friend’s predicament.

“I need to go. Like, right now.” Kronii stands up.

“I wonder what they’ll think once they find out you spent your time in another girl’s room.” She says cheekily. “I mean, I should probably inform them of this, right? It would just be unfair otherwise.”

“Don’t you dare.” Kronii warns, doing her best to sound menacing. Instead, her voice breaks somewhat awkwardly at the end. “Oh, they’re going to be pissed, aren’t they?” She laments.

Irys smiles warmly, with a tinge of jealousy that she attempts to keep hidden. Fauna and Mumei might tease her to earth and back, but that’s where the line would end. She wouldn’t tease Kronii like this if she didn’t know how steady the three of them were, how nothing would come in their way. They trusted each other way too much for that.

Irys tightens her grip on the chair. Why was it then that trust wasn’t enough for the two of them?

Watching how Kronii hastily picks up her things in order to leave, Irys has a sudden thought. “Hey, Kronii?”

“Yes?” She says hastily.

“Please keep this between us. I don’t want to worry the others.” Irys requests softly. “And… thanks. For coming, I mean.”

Kronii pauses what she was doing, before giving her a cocky smile. “But of course. You know I’m good at keeping secrets, you can trust me.” She says before closing the door, leaving Irys’ room.

Staring at the closed door for a good minute, Irys sighed and pressed her hands to her face. She did know that Kronii had a point. That maybe quitting was the correct choice here. It’s just…

She… didn’t want to give it all up. Because she did love singing. Performing on a big stage was something she loved. After all, she could still remember her first performance. The way the lights hit her face, the way the crowd cheered. The way she felt so… so……

“Ah.” She gasps. She came to a sudden realization.

The feeling when she had performed her debut. The feeling of her going on stage for the first time, the feeling of finally having reached her dreams.

What was that feeling again?

Despite all the effort she put into grabbing a hold of it, she could no longer even remember how that feeling was. When had it slipped away from her hands?

Irys stares back at the window, the cluster of clouds appears even darker than it was an hour ago. It might rain anytime, now.

Just… What was it all for? What was the reason she made all this effort for, to the point of feeling destroyed? Was there a meaning in what she did? Or was she just following a routine she forced upon herself? Was she just following the flow of things?

“I guess.. I was just going with the flow.” Irys flinches at the bitter memory.

Just… what was she doing with her life?

Third year of high school.

She feels as if a weight has been placed on her chest.

She doesn’t know how long it’s been there, or how to take it off. It’s just… there. Suffocating her.

Bae doesn’t know what to do about it. Does she ignore it? Does she tell someone? How could she do either of these things if she didn’t even know what it was?

It’s a tiring thing. At times, when it’s particularly bad, she barely even has the energy to leave her house. At other times, it’s so light that it feels as if it never existed in the first place.

Most of the time, it took a tax on her energy and mood. When was the last time she had ever felt truly lively, she wonders?

A whistle resounds around the room, and Bae is forced out of her thoughts. She stumbles slightly, and loses her balance from what she was doing, falling headfirst onto the floor.

Oh, right. They were doing dancing exercises. It hadn’t been a good idea to get absent-minded in the middle of the exercises, was it? That was a really Mumei thing to do.

“Baelz, are you alright?” The instructor says with concern as he approaches.

Bae turns around and sits up, not feeling anything bad. It wasn’t a hard fall. “Yeah, I didn’t fall on anything. I’m alright”

The instructor still makes a quick check, before nodding towards the corner of the room. “Doesn’t seem like you sprained anything, but you should still go sit and take a break. Just in case.”

Bae wasn’t going to say no to a break. She nods.

In the other side of the room, she can see Irys giving her a look of concern. She looks as if she intends to head towards Bae, wanting to check if she is alright.

Bae just lifts a palm and shakes her head, telling her that there is no need. That she was fine.

Pressing her lips for a moment, Irys seems to take her word for it and goes back to her routine practice.

A few minutes later, and Bae was enthralled by her girlfriend. Irys was amazing. Bae had never doubted that for a second, but it was clear to the entire room that she was a prodigy. Watching her practice her moves, the way she elegantly shifts her body, it fills Bae with pride. She could watch her for hours and never get tired.

It isn’t until a break is called and the students near Irys decide to shower her with praise, telling her how she was so talented and how she would make it big, that something inside Bae turned sour. She grits her teeth.

She wasn’t sure what it was, but it felt like being eaten. A void that consumed her thoughts and converted them into less savory ones. Bae inherently knew that if she didn’t reign over that sour feeling, then everything would be consumed.

It isn’t until the class ends, and everyone leaves that Bae stands up, heading towards Irys who seemed to be waiting for her.

“Hey.” Irys greets somewhat carefully, as if dealing with something volatile. Bae hated it. “How are you feeling?”

“Fine.” She says in a much more strained voice than she meant. She kicks herself mentally.

There’s a long pause between them, as Irys tries to find the words to use. “Bae, are you sure you’re alright?” Irys asks, concern filling her voice. “You don’t look so good.”

“I’m just tired. Don’t worry about it.” Bae gives her a small smile, not wanting to worry her even more than she already had. “I’ll be alright.”

Irys, not looking entirely convinced, holds her hands and squeezes them softly.

“Hey.” Irys says, still holding her hands. “I… I know this is tough. I know that. But it’s all going to be worth it, okay? I know you. I know what you’re capable of. I’ll always believe in you, okay?” Irys seeks Bae’s eyes, hope shining through them. “And… Don’t pay much attention to what the others say, ok? I love you. You’re always going to be my only one. We’ll be together forever, remember?” She says softly and encouragingly.

Bae could only nod, trying to feel reassured.

Irys smiles as she closes the gap between them with a quick kiss and hugs her.

Bae smiles back at her girlfriend, hugging her back and letting her worries vanish away.

Because, at the end of the day, that’s what that strange feeling was, right? A fear of losing the person she has feelings for, the fear of being abandoned. There’s no need to be jealous of Irys grabbing the attention of others with her talents, she was her girlfriend! She had gotten what she wanted for so long! There’s no logical reason for her to feel any kind of jealousy towards her!

So, why? Why is it that now, in this perfect moment, the weight felt heavier than it ever had before.

“This should be the last one.” Bae whispers to herself as she finishes folding the empty cardboard box, stretching her back in an attempt to soothe her aching muscles. She exits the back of the store and walks to the front, where she can see Fauna glancing at her.

“Here you go. Thanks for your work.” Fauna says, handing her a water bottle. A drink that Bae happily accepts.

She was currently helping Fauna out with transporting her stock. Fauna managed a flower and plants shop, so at times she would ask Bae to help her carry some of the heavier parts of her stock, like soil or other stuff. Today was one of those days.

Fauna made sure this wasn’t unpaid work as well, as she always paid Bae with a rather generous bonus. Which was convenient for Bae, since her gig with the coffee shop was done, considering she was just meant to be a temporary replacement to a sick employee.

She wasn’t too keen on going back, either. Not knowing that Irys could enter there again.

The thought of her ex made her tighten the grip on the water bottle, crinkling the container.

“What are you going to do now?” Fauna asks, also taking a drink from another water bottle. “Since you’re no longer working at the coffee shop.”

Bae shrugs. “I don’t know. I’ll just go look around and see if I can find some other gig. Same as always.”

“You know, I do have an open spot in this shop. You’re always welcome to work here.” Fauna says softly with a sad smile, knowing already the response she would receive.

It’s not the first time she has offered her this. Bae has a feeling it wouldn’t be the last time either.

“I know.” Bae simply says. Fauna closes her eyes and nods.

Bae knew that if she took this job, then she wouldn’t leave. She still needed to find out what she wanted to do, what would drive her. She couldn’t afford to take such commitment until then.

She knew she needed to get her shit together. That she needed to get a clear answer to what she wanted to do in the future. It’s just… Ever since she broke up with Irys, she’s been afraid of having a dream to follow, or just general hope for the future. What if she was just fooling herself once more? What if she ended up wasting years studying on something she didn’t truly care about?

Bae sighs, shaking off her thoughts. Not the time.

“Actually, speaking of the coffee shop, that reminds me of something.” Fauna says. Bae instantly gets a bad feeling.

“Yeah?” Bae asks, hoping dearly that Fauna was not aware of her encounter with Irys. “What is it?”

Fauna tilts her head. “How’s Irys?” She says straight to the point. “I heard you had quite the meeting with her.”

“…Is this what this was all about, Fauna?” Bae asks with annoyance. “Asking me for help just to talk about this?”

Fauna just smiles back with ease. “It’s not like that was the reason I asked for you to come, I did need help with moving the stock. This is just… a happy coincidence, is all.” She ends with a giggle.

Coincidence her ass. She knew Fauna well enough to know that she had planned this from the start. She might seem innocent at first glance, but Bae knew she was a huge opportunist. Even now, she could see a hint of smugness in the corner of Fauna’s smile.

“How do you even know about that? I haven’t told anyone.” Bae says accusingly.

“Kronii went to see her the other day. She told me and Mumei about everything they talked about.” Fauna says, though her smile seems to falter for a bit.

“And Kronii just told that to the two of you? She didn’t even try to keep it to herself?” Bae asked with a raised eyebrow. She would have thought that Irys would have at least asked Kronii for some discretion.

Fauna lets out a small giggle, though it came out somewhat strained. “It took a bit of effort, but we have our ways of making her talk.” She says softly, and Bae isn’t sure whether she should blush or feel a chill at that.

“So?” Bae asks defiantly. “Why are you bringing this up?”

Fauna goes quiet, her expression much more serious. “…She’s not doing good, Bae.” She says pained. “Mentally, she’s in a really bad spot. And I don’t know what to do.”

“…Why are you telling me this.” Bae asks, not liking the direction of the conversation.

“Because it’s Irys, Bae.” Fauna says, as if that answered everything it needed to answer.

“Well, I don’t want anything to do with her anymore.” She says clearly. “The last thing I want to do is see her.”

Fauna sighs, before continuing in a concerned voice. “What happened to you, Bae? I know that things didn’t end well for the two of you, that it was a tough breakup, but even then you were not like this. Why have you gotten even worse?”

Bae feels a dark, venomous thing grip her. She looks directly at Fauna, her expression taking a sharper, colder edge. “She’s not my problem, Fauna. Stop trying to involve me in this.”

A silence starts brewing between the two of them, as they both stared down at each other, Fauna clearly hurt by Bae’s apathetic attitude towards Irys.

“Umm, is this a bad time?” A voice says behind them, both Fauna and Bae turning back to see who it was. “Because I can come back at another time.”

It was Calli, Bae noticed. She still looked young for her age, but there were still traces of her age showing on her face.

“Miss Mori.” Fauna says surprisedly, before plastering on a smile. It looked forced. “Don’t worry, we were about finished.”

“For the last time, Fauna, please don’t call me that. The brats are the only ones I want to hear that from.” She says, cringing slightly. She turns around and nods towards Bae. “Hey Bae, how are you doing?”

“…Fine.” She spits out, still fuming over her conversation with Fauna.

Calli raises an eyebrow at that, but doesn’t pay it much more attention. “I’m here to pick something up.” She addresses Fauna. “You know, the bouquet?”

Fauna nods. “Of course. I’ll be right back.” She says as she heads towards the back of the store, though she seemed much more hasty than usual.

Silence begins to brood on the store’s front, neither Bae nor Calli saying something to the other. After a minute, Calli approaches Bae, standing next to her.

“Looks like you were being an asshole.” Calli says plainly. “You should apologize to her later.”

“You don’t even know what we were talking about.”

Calli shrugs. “I don’t need to. Just by looking I can already tell who’s at fault here.”

Bae huffs through her nose. And yet, she can’t exactly disagree. Fauna was a wonderful person who cared deeply about her friends, someone who hated conflict. The only reason this started was because Bae got pissed that she showed concern over Irys. That she wanted for the two of them to reconcile.

And yet, Bae responded to that olive branch by stomping it on the ground like a child throwing a tantrum.

“You’re acting like a child right now.” She shakes away the memory.

“What’s the bouquet for?” Bae asks, wanting to change the atmosphere. “Is there a special someone?”

“One of the teachers got into an accident.” Calli says, not bothering to address the last part. “This is just a get-well gift.”

From the times she and Calli have talked, the latter rarely ever mentioned her job. It’s not that she avoided it or anything, it’s just that the topic never really came up. This seemed like a good opportunity to ask something she has always been curious about.

“By the way, I’ve never asked you this before, but why did you become a teacher, Calli?” Bae asks curiously.

Calli lets out a small laugh before smiling nostalgically. “You don’t know? The reason I started teaching was because I was short on cash, and it was the only job I could land after moving here.” She answers bluntly.

Bae blinks repeatedly, not fully registering what she was saying. “I’m sorry, what? That’s it?”

Calli nods affirmatively. “That’s it.”

Bae shakes her head incredulously. “So… it was not a career choice or anything?”

Calli lets out a loud laugh. “Fuck no! If you were to tell teenager me that I’d become an elementary school teacher, she’d think you’re wrong in the head. It was never my plan to end up with this job.”

Bae bites her lips and takes on a conflicted expression. “And yet, here you are.” Bae says, not sure what to make of all this.

“And yet, here I am.” Calli nods. “I’m not gonna lie, I hated it at first. The annoying children, the never-ending noise, the lackluster salary.” She pauses, before sighing as she pinches the bridge of her nose. “The parents. Oh god, some of the parents are the fucking worst.” As she slides her hand down her face, however, an honest smile starts appearing on her face. “But I gotta admit, watching those brats grow up is something that ends up sticking with you, whether you want it or not. I may have never planned for this job, but I can’t see myself doing anything else nowadays. Nor do I want to.”

Bae kept silent, conflicted over Calli’s story.

Calli, however, turn a soft smile towards Bae and puts a reassuring hand on her shoulder. “Don’t get stuck on thinking about how your future should be. If you can’t find anything, it’s ok to just go around until something sticks with you. There’s nothing wrong with taking things as they happen.”

It seemed like Calli was somewhat aware of what troubled her. Still, it was better said than done.

Before she could thank her, Fauna appeared from the back of the store, carrying the aforementioned bouquet.

“Here you go.” Fauna says as she looks at Calli, a teasing smile on her lips. “Hope you have a good day, Miss Mori.”

Calli turns towards Bae, a deadpan look on her face. “Actually, forget what I said. Don’t apologize to her.” She says before saying goodbye to them, leaving the store.

An awkward silence blooms between the two of them. Bae decides to speak first. “Sorry.” She apologizes. “I shouldn’t have acted like that.”

Fauna shakes her head. “Don’t worry about it. I’m not mad.” She gives a weak smile. “I just want what’s best for you, Bae. Sorry if I came too hard on you.”

Bae shakes the back of her head. “No, you were good.” She pauses for a bit. “And you’re right, I haven’t been exactly fair to Irys.”

Fauna gives a small, genuine smile. “I know it’s hard, but I really think that you can fix things with Irys. At the very least, give it an honest try.”

Bae glances down to the floor, before nodding once.

.

.

.

She wasn’t really planning on doing much for the day. Just take a walk around the park and clear her head.

But of course the first thing she finds is Irys sitting on a bench. Still wearing the dumb hat.

There was multitude of things she wanted to say, that she wanted to yell. But she didn’t.

Become a better person, Bae. She approaches, Irys only noticing her once she is standing right besides her. She takes a deep breath.

“…Do you want to grab a cup of coffee?” Bae asks awkwardly.

11 months after graduation.

“I told you. Everything is going to be fine.” A voice drawled over the other line of her phone.

“And how do you know that? Can you see the future or something, Kronii?” Irys says, trying to defuse the anxiety she’s feeling.

“Just trust me on this, alright?”

“How convincing.”

Irys anxiously refreshes the website page, her fingers trembling slightly. Then refreshes it again. Then again.

She was scared. She was excited. She was all kinds of things and there was nothing more she wanted at this moment than for this page to update the damn results.

This was it. This was going to be the spoils of all the work they have put in the last few years. All the training, all the sweat they have paid for. Everything was for this very moment. They worked so hard for this.

Well… Irys has, at least.

Things have been… strained, between the two of them as of late. Nowadays, it seemed as if every time they saw each other, they were both holding back things to say to the other.

Irys was just… really frustrated with Bae’s apathetic attitude as of late. It started off normal enough, like getting tired after a particularly tough session and taking it easy for the next ones in the day. Or going for a slow pace to not overexert herself. And she gets it. Sometimes, you need to take a slower pace for the day.

But now? Now, Bae has skipped every single session this week. Just like the previous one. And it infuriated her. Bae had agreed to do her best to reach their dream together. She said that she would take things seriously, and yet this is what she gets to show for it? Her excuse being that she has been tired lately.

She knows it’s tough. She has wanted to give up many times as well, there have been many days where she wants nothing more than to stay at home. More than once she has felt dizzy or felt like fainting on the spot. But you know what? She bears through it. She doesn’t let things like that set her back. And she knows Bae can do that as well. She has known Bae for her whole life, she knows she’s capable of doing it.

But she doesn’t. It’s almost as if she doesn’t really care about this.

…She should take a deep breath and calm herself down. Getting frustrated won’t do anything right now.

“Hey, Irys. I’ve been meaning to ask you about something.” Kronii says, voice suddenly turning serious.

“Oh, sure. What’s up?”

“Is… Bae doing alright?” Kronii asks, concern spilling from her voice. “I mean, the other day Mumei told me she ran into her. She said that she looked really tired. Or in her words, ‘She looked like one of those zombies in the movies that are able to reach the survivor, but because the survivor can’t die yet, the zombie ends up looking very silly and gets easily pushed out of the way.” She paused. “So, you know. The Mumei way to say she looked tired.”

She was not in the mood for that discussion right now. Tired? How could she still be tired when she had skipped the entire week.

“She’s fine.” Irys says curtly, refreshing the page once more.

Kronii noticed the change in tone. “Hey, if you need to talk to someone or anything, you can always call me.” She refreshes the page once more. “I’m just worried about the two of-”

Irys gasps. “It’s here.” She had taken a moment to notice that the results page was up and running, but it was unmistakably there. “Sorry Kronii, I’ll talk to you later.”

“…Sure. Bye.” Kronii responds.

With a slightly trembling hand, she points her mouse towards the results and inputs her personal information.

…She made it. She had actually made it. She passed the audition. She would get hired by an agency. Sure, she would need to move out of this town, but she had actually made it.

Happiness wouldn’t even begin to describe how she felt at that moment. The feeling of being repaid for all of her efforts. The feeling of being rewarded for her sweat.

Suddenly, her phone receives a call, vibrating against the table. A call from Bae, she finds out.

Before sliding the green icon to answer the phone, she takes a deep breath and prepares herself in the case it ends up being the worst outcome. Despite her best efforts, however, she can’t help but have high hopes. She slides the green icon to answer.

And Bae’s strained voice sounded through the machine.

“…I’m so sorry.”

Irys feels the elation deflating in her chest. She knew that this was a possibility. That Bae wouldn’t be able to pass the audition. That Bae wasn’t enough. She wanted to be there for her, to comfort her since she’s surely taking the news worse than she is.

But she just couldn’t help the deep feeling of disappointment she held towards Bae at this moment.

What the fuck was she doing, Irys asks herself as she begins to panic.

Why on earth did she accept her proposal?

She was currently sitting on a very familiar couch at a very familiar apartment, waiting while Bae brewed some coffee for the two of them. All the while, Irys wanted to do nothing more than to scream.

Just before reaching the point where she believed she would actually scream, Bae sat down in front of her, placing to cups of coffee in front of them.

“I’m sorry.” Bae immediately says as she sits down. “For what I said in the coffee shop.”

Irys felt like being a bit sassy. “Are you?” She says, raising an eyebrow. “You seemed to be quite into it.”

She didn’t really like to remember it, but even now it still hurt her deeply.

Bae looks straight at her, her eyes glinting with resolution. “I am.” She says simply. “You didn’t deserve that.”

Irys twitched a little at Bae, not used to seeing her so serious. The last time she saw her like that was the same day they broke up. She wasn’t sure how to feel about that.

Irys scoffs lightly, feigning disinterest. “Whatever, I don’t care about that. What I want to know is why you invited me here.”

Bae glances down, tightening the grip on her cup. “I wanted to catch up, see how you were doing.”

Irys gives her a sardonic smile. “C’mon, Bae. Really? You genuinely expect me to believe you just want to catch up like good old friends?”

Bae tightens her lips. “I’m not lying.” Bae lifts her face and seeks Irys’ eyes. “I’ve not heard from you ever since we broke up. Is it really that strange for me to want to know how you’ve been.”

Irys feels a spike of guilt. She could also share the feeling of wanting to know what Bae has been up to. “Alright, then.” She says. “I’m pretty sure it’s obvious, but I’m taking a break.”

“Why?” Bae asks.

Irys took her cup of coffee and sipped, gripping it tightly. “Because I was getting tired of it.”

Bae raised her eyebrows in surprise. “Tired of… what?”

Irys felt as if that was the question she was constantly asking herself. She opened her mouth as words leaked out. “Everything. Of training, of having scheduled meetings, of the responsibility. Just… everything.”

“Even of performing?”

“…Yeah. I don’t even know if I like doing that anymore.” Irys confessed something that even she had problems of accepting herself.

It was infuriating how easy it was to open up to her.

“…Tell me, how did you feel when you stood on that stage? When you debuted?” Bae asks calmly, diverting the topic slightly.

Irys pauses, a melancholic frown on her face. “I’m not so sure anymore, I’ve… forgotten it I guess.”

Bae shakes her head. “I’m not asking you how you feel about it now, I’m asking how you felt about it back then.”

“…I’m not sure what you mean.” Irys says, biting her lips slightly. She wasn’t sure she wanted to know. “But like I said, I don’t know.”

“Well, I do know.” Bae said stubbornly. “I can still fucking remember that image of you standing in spotlights in front of a cheering crowd. How you performed your heart out.”

It took a second to register what Bae just said. “Wait, you told me you didn’t care for my career. That you wanted nothing to do with me.” Irys said as her eyes widened.

“Well, I lied. Of course I watched your debut. I just didn’t want to appear like some sort of delusional ex that couldn’t let go. I wanted to hurt you by pretending I didn’t care.” Bae confesses hotly, a strong blush on her cheeks. “But that’s not the point I’m trying to make here. My point is, I saw you up on that stage, and I saw how you felt at that moment.” Bae stared right into her eyes. “You were having the time of your life.”

Irys glanced to the side, avoiding eye contact. “…I don’t-”

“The time of your life.” Bae repeated. “You were ecstatic. I’ve never seen you so happy before. Not once.”

“Stop.” Irys says with a trembling voice, her eyes starting to fill up with emotion alone. “Just stop it. I don’t want to hear it.”

“Of course you don’t.” Bae says with a scoff, though it came out much softer than she intended to. “Fauna told me about your conversation with Kronii. She and Mumei practically interrogated her.” Her voice started to soften more and more. “You are thinking of quitting, aren’t you?”

Irys tightens her hold on her cup. “Kronii, you fucking snitch.” She murmured without strength. A miserable attempt at humor to divert the topic.

“You want to be able to leave it all behind. To run away from what is asked of you.” Her voice hardens, not even bothering to entertain Irys’ attempt. “You want me to ask you to come back. Or maybe to accept you back after an apology. Well, I’m not going to do either of these things.”

Irys lets out a whimper of hurt, her hold tightening to the point that the cup could break.

Bae’s face relaxes a bit more, taking a breath to calm herself. “Don’t get me wrong, I’m not doing this because I want to hurt you. It’s true that I previously did, but not anymore. I’m doing this because giving you an excuse is just going to end up hurting you even more.” Bae glances towards Irys, who was avoiding her eyes. “Hey, look at me.”

Irys shakes her head.

Bae places a hand on her cheek. “Irys, please?”

Slowly, she raises her head and looks at Bae’s eyes.

Suddenly, she finds those eyes she has missed so much. Eyes that were identical to those of a girl who once made a promise with her. Soft eyes that revealed a care that she had never felt before.

“Tell me, why is it that you sing? Is it because you like to express yourself?”

“…”

“Does seeing other people be moved by your own creation not move you on an emotional level? To be able to spread your thoughts and feelings through something you love? Because that’s how it seemed to me from where I was standing.”

Irys stays quiet, doing her best to avoid spilling the tears pooling in her eyes, panic surging through her chest. A moment before she attempts to run away, however, Bae pushes her forehead against hers, closing her eyes.

“Do you really want to stop, Irys?”

The dam broke. “I don’t! Of course I don’t! It’s been my dream for all of my life. It still is! But what else am I supposed to do? Every day I feel as if I’m taking a blind step, and one day I will start falling without knowing it. It’s hard, Bae! It’s so damn hard…”

“…But what is harder, to keep going or to stop?”

Irys grips Bae’s shoulders tightly. “…I don’t want to stop.” She whispers delicately.

The two of them keep together like this for a while.

.

.

.

Irys rolled around the familiar couch, trying to find a better position to fall asleep in. Maybe going back to her room would have been better for sleeping in an actual bed.

But, to be honest, she much preferred to stay here.

She felt hurt. She felt tired. Felt as if everything the world threw everything it had at her.

She hasn’t felt this good in years. She would have never imagined that this would happen because she had encountered Bae again. That the one person that caused her so much pain would also be the one that helped her the most.

But then again, it’s always been like that, hasn’t it?

She missed her. She missed her so much, and she hadn’t even realized it. She was her best friend for almost her entire life, of course she had missed this. And who knows? Maybe this time, things would be done right. Maybe this time-

Oh… She suddenly felt the warmth of a familiar feeling.

Oh… She fucked up.

1 year after graduation.

Bae heard the sound of keys in her apartment’s door, and quietly braced herself.

Since when had she needed to brace herself when Irys came to visit? There was once a time where she would feel nothing but excitement at the idea.

Now? Now everything was different. Irys was going to leave the town sooner rather than later thanks to her new agency, and she would be left alone. Just like she was afraid so many time ago.

And yet… That idea did not hurt her as much as she thought it would.

“Hey, Bae.” Irys greets, smiling happily. Bae blinked repeatedly, confused by what was a rare sight nowadays.

“H-hey.” Bae stammers. “What happened?”

Irys smile expands into a grin. “I’ve figure everything out.” She says happily. “A way for us two to leave together.”

“…What do you mean by that?”

“Well, since I’m soon moving out because of the agency, I was looking for ways to see if you could come with me. Turns out, they have a lot of tutoring sessions and auditions in that place. So if anything, this whole thing will actually benefit us in-“

Bae has heard enough. “But you’re still just going to leave anyway, right?” Bae says through gritted teeth as a mixture of envy and resentment flows through her. “So I don’t really see the point.”

Irys blinks. “No… you don’t get it.” She says, her voice starting to turn slightly desperate. “I’m not planning on leaving you behind, Bae. It’s the opposite, I want you to come with me so I can help you. I want you to come with me so that we can make our dreams come true. So the two of us can sing on a stage.” Irys finished in a pleading tone, hoping for Bae to see her intentions.

Singing on a stage… It’s then that it finally hits Bae. Did she even want that? Was there any point in her life where she ever wanted to do any of that?

A long pause passes between them. Bae realizes that this is the turning point. This is where everything that has happened until now comes to an end, and where something new will begin. She gathers any kind of inner strength that she can find within herself, and pushes forth. And for what feels like a lifetime ago, she makes a choice for herself.

“I just…” Bae says, her tone changing from a harsh storm to the whisper of a breeze. Closing her eyes, she realizes that she needs to admit the thing that has been weighing her inside throughout all this time. Not only to Irys, but to herself as well. “I don’t think I want to become someone like that anymore.” She says, finally freeing herself from the weight that’s been crushing her down this entire time. “Maybe I never did.”

A pause. “…What?” Irys asks astonished, not believing what she’s hearing. “What do you mean by that?”

Once the floodgates opened, Bae couldn’t find herself to stop. “I mean… I’m just really not into that idea, honestly. At first I was somewhat interested, but that’s all it was. An interest. It never got any much more than that.”

Irys seemed suddenly ill. “Then… what? What was this all for, Bae?” She says weakly. “Why did you go through all of this if you didn’t even want to?”

Bae shrugs pathetically. “I’m not sure. I guess.. I was just going with the flow.”

The air between them changed immediately.

“Going with the flow? Going with the flow?!” Irys exclaims, anger flowing through her as if a dam broke. “So all this time, you were just going with the flow?!”

Bae flinches as she glances down.

“So what?” Irys asks, the anger leaking through her glare and voice. “You’re just going to give up? You promised we would always be together, that no matter what happened we would be there for each other. Or was that just another thing that you went with the flow for and never meant?”

Anger and frustration immediately enters Bae at the accusation.

“You are the one who’s leaving!” Bae exclaims, not being able to believe what she’s hearing. “What do you mean that I’m the one who’s breaking our promise!”

“I mean that you lied to me for years! That ever since we started dating, you’ve been lying to me! And I trusted you! I believed in you!” Irys yells, her voice breaking at the end.

Having finally freed the weight that was sinking her, Bae suddenly felt something else appear from the shadow of that weight. Something she hadn’t even recognized that was there until the weight was lost. A strong feeling of resentment.

“Yeah, well. Maybe if you hadn’t pushed yourself on me all the time we wouldn’t be in this mess.” Bae says coldly, a small part of her feeling a sense of empowerment, while another part of her felt like a kid throwing a tantrum.

Irys leans back, tears flowing as she starts blinking from the audacity. “…Are you serious right now, Bae?” She asks, shaking her head in disbelief. “Are you actually blaming me for this?”

Bae continued. “Yeah, I am. If you hadn’t constantly pushed your dream on me, if you had considered how I felt for a single second, then I wouldn’t have wasted an entire year of my life doing something I didn’t even care about.”

She was aware she was being illogical, that she was being immature, but she just couldn't help it. These were deep feelings that she could never process until now.

“You’re acting like a child right now.” Irys says bluntly and coldly, confirming her thoughts. “Don’t blame me for being unable to speak your mind like a normal fucking adult.”

Shaking, Bae was about to shoot back a response until a phone alarm started to sound. Glancing down to her phone, Bae realized that it was time for their singing classes.

“Well.” Irys says after a small pause, drying her eyes with her sleeve while still shaking from a mix of anger and betrayal. “Since you don’t actually…“ Irys sighs, not having the energy to finish the phrase and keeping up the argument. Instead, she picked up her stuff and heads towards the door.

Ah, now she understood. It’s something that hits her hard and fast. Something so obvious that in hindsight, she doesn’t know how she missed it this whole time. The last piece of the puzzle.

So this was the source of the envy she always felt. It wasn’t that she was jealous of Irys for her talent. She was just jealous of her drive, the thing that she had always lacked. Seeing Irys head towards her class despite everything that happened finally made her aware of this. She wished she could have the same dream as her, the same motivation. She wanted that more than anything.

Irys slams the door behind her.

Bae does not follow her.

It’s been one month since Irys decided to stay in her apartment.

She still had a hard time believing it, of being able to just… talk with Irys again.

I mean, they were being civil about it! They were able to talk and laugh without it becoming a disaster! In all these years, she would constantly fantasize on how things would go if they ever met again. The scenario of how Irys would come back devastated one day and beg Bae to forgive her and take her back was a particular one that repeated itself often in her head. She never would have imagined that letting Irys back in would have come so… easily. When she saw Irys for the first time in a long time, she wanted to do nothing else except hurt her. When she realized how much Irys was hurting, the only thing she wanted was to help her.

Honestly, a part of her is annoyed because of it. A petulant, childish feeling of wanting to hold onto a validating anger that just wasn’t there anymore. She had the perfect chance to hurt her back! To project the hurt that’s been dwelling inside of her all these years! To make Irys hurt as much as she had. Make her hurt for the wound that appeared because of all those years she was gone. Make her hurt for the even bigger wound of all the time they spent together.

Turns out, seeing Irys being hurt made her feel sick. At the end of the day, it was really that simple, wasn’t it?

She sighs as she runs a hand through her hair. Irys would stay here for a few more months, since she really did need a break after all.

She… also had an inkling of a sensation that Irys was beginning to have feelings for her.

She wasn’t sure she liked that. She wasn’t sure she liked that at all.

Things still weren’t perfect between the two of them, it often felt like walking around eggshells. Like being able to talk and laugh as long as you left the elephant on the room alone. Adding feelings to the mix… It just wouldn’t end well.

And, if Bae was being honest with herself, she was scared. She was scared of getting hurt again. She didn’t have the courage to risk something like that.

So, she needed to cut the bud. Soon.

Sighing to herself again, she waits for Irys to return from her trip to Fauna’s. Not to buy anything, but to catch up with her friend during lunch break. Bae lifts her phone to check the time, noticing that Irys would probably arrive soon enough.

She hears a key jingle as the lock to her door opens.

Bae took a deep breath.

“Hey, Bae!” Irys greets. “How are you?” She says casually.

“I’m… fine.” Bae decides to say. “Actually, there was something I wanted to talk with you.”

Noticing the atmosphere, Irys nods as she heads towards the couch, sitting in front of Bae. “What is it?” She asks.

“I… I think we should talk about us.” Bae glances up towards Irys’ eyes. “About our… relationship.”

“What do you mean by that?”

Bae taps her fingers on the table, trying to find a way to express herself. “Irys. I… I admit that I missed you. I missed you a lot.”

Irys’ eyes shine for a moment, but Bae wasn’t finished.

“But I don’t miss being with you.”

Irys’ face crumples in hurt. They both stay in silence until Irys breaks it. “Did you notice?” She asks weakly.

“…Yeah.” Bae nods.

“Do you really not want to give it another try?”

She shakes her head. “I wouldn’t be able to bear it.”

Irys closes her eyes as she takes a deep breath.

“…Should I wait?” Irys asks, seeking Bae’s eyes with her sight. “Or should I move on?”

That… might be one of the hardest questions Bae’s ever been asked. “…It would be selfish of me to ask you to wait.” She says noncommittally.

“I don’t care about that. The only thing I care for is what you want.” Irys lowers her voice. “I… We’ve made so many mistakes because of this. Please, just for once in your life, tell me what you want, Bae.”

“…Wait for me. Please.”

Irys smiles tearfully. “That’s all I’ve ever wanted to hear.”

The last thing she wanted to do was to open this door. She really didn’t want to open this door. But what other choice did she really have?

With a sigh, Irys opens Bae’s apartment with her own key copy and heads into her apartment, internally praying that Bae was not here.

Her prayers, however, are not answered as she finds the back of Bae leaning out on a window on the other side of the room, a cup of coffee resting on the ledge of the window. She manages to catch how Bae perks up slightly from the opening door, but she doesn’t make any move indicating that she will acknowledge Irys’ presence.

She’s still mad. Irys thinks to herself. And honestly? She was still furious with Bae as well. But no matter how angry she is, she needs to fix things between them. If things keep up in this way, then Irys’ fears throughout the whole day will come true.

Wanting to stall for a bit of time to recollect her thoughts, Irys spots that the water heater still has water inside. She might as well go for a coffee, she will need it.

After finishing her drink, she heads towards Bae with the cup in her hands. Irys approaches slowly, not sure if she was allowed to be near. After standing for a while, decides to greet Bae. “Hey, Bae.”

“…Hey.” Bae greets back, still looking out of the window as she rests a cup of coffee on the window. She looked much more at ease than she was expecting.

Irys glances down, trying to find the words to say. “What are you thinking about?” She asks tentatively, prodding for any kind of response before heading towards the elephant on the room.

Bae takes a pause as she breathes in and lets out a deep breath. “About promises, I guess.” She answers.

Irys flinches. Bae did not have to specify which one she was referring to. “I-“ Irys stammers. “I know that things aren’t good right now, but I don’t plan on breaking that promise.” She says with a hint of pleading. “Please, trust me on this. I’ll even stay if I have to. I need you.”

Bae hangs her head down slightly. “I know you wouldn’t break our promise, Irys.” Irys feels a burst of relief, until she realizes that Bae wasn’t done speaking. Turning around, Bae looks directly at her eyes, a cold resolution glinting in her eyes. “I just wish that you would.” She says steadily.

All of a sudden, her relief turned into desperation.

Bae looks Irys up and down, before giving her a defeated grin. “I think we’ve hurt each other enough.”

Irys has always loved Bae’s grins. The cocky ones, the shy ones, the happy ones. She always had a way of showing off her energy towards the world, of expressing herself.

This one was broken. One formed purely of pain and regrets. She hated it.

Irys lets out a gasp as she closes her eyes, the scenario she’s been wanting to avoid happening in front of her eyes. “So that’s it, then?” Irys asks, panic rising through her voice. “You don’t even want to fight for us? You don’t even want to see if we can fix this?” A glare forms in her face, attempting to provoke her. “You’re going to give up again?”

Bae’s eyes and expression don’t change as she still looks at Irys. Please. Irys thinks. Please, argue back. Get angry, anything!

But she knows. She has known Bae for her whole life. She knows how this will end.

“Irys.” Bae says calmly. “There’s nothing to fix, because this is all it has ever been. Ever since we started dating it’s been like this, we’ve just been blind to it until now.”

Irys intends to argue back, tries to deny her, but a sudden dizziness overtakes her for a moment. She stumbles a bit after losing her balance, placing one of her hands on a table nearby to stabilize herself. After recovering, she drinks a big gulp of her coffee to revitalize herself.

Bae, meanwhile, watches with wide eyes at Irys, as if she just had a great revelation. “You’ve been drinking a lot of coffee lately, haven’t you?” Bae asks a seemingly off-topic question, though her tones indicates it’s anything but.

“I guess. Why do you ask?” Irys answers somewhat confused.

Bae shifts her expression from resolute to pained as she glances to the side, as if Irys’ response hurt her and shamed her immensely. “You’ve been overworking yourself, haven’t you?” Bae whispers, already knowing the answer to the question. “You’ve been overworking yourself and I didn’t even notice it.” She looks back at Irys’ eyes, pleading to her. “Do you get what I mean now?”

And Irys is shocked still. Not because of Bae’s confession, but because she gets it. She has gotten frustrated over Bae’s lack of motivation and aloof attitude this last year. It was so obvious that there was something off about her for a long time now, so how is it that she never noticed it? Bae was anything but apathetic. She was outgoing and energetic. Everyone knew that. And yet…

She suddenly remembered her discussion with Kronii, how she showed concern about the two of them. Even Kronii had noticed it, hadn’t she? Mumei as well. And yet neither of the involved had.

Silence brewed between the two of them, as the realization hits them both.

Bae turns around to reach for her cup and takes a sip from it, not knowing how to continue in this atmosphere.

“I’m leaving tomorrow.” Irys finally says, her voice shaking. There was no point in staying here any longer.

Bae nods solemnly. “And I’m staying here.” She says, voice shaking as well.

“…So. This is it, then.”

“Apparently.”

“Are we going to keep contact?”

“I doubt it. If anything, I might make the effort to avoid seeing your career.”

“You still think I’m gonna make it?”

“I don’t have a single doubt on my mind.”

“…I see.”

“…Will you stay tonight?”

“I doubt it.”

“…Thought so.”

“…Hey, Bae. Do you love me?”

“Yeah, of course.”

“I love you too.”

“I know. Do you resent me as well?”

“…Yes.”

“Me too.”

“I know.”

A sigh breaks out between the two of them. Neither of them are sure if it’s a sigh of loss, or relief.

Without another word, Irys leaves the cup of coffee on the table and leaves through the door.

Because Bae was right. There’s nothing to fix, not because there are no problems, but because they were the foundation. Her heart feels like it’s being torn apart, and yet she has never felt freer than she is at this moment. She’s leaving all of it behind, all of the love she has for Bae, along with all of the resentment she has towards her. A resentment that she had only taken notice of now, a feeling that had taken root for a long time in her heart, to the point that you can’t tear it out without destroying everything else. If only she had taken notice of it before, then maybe all of this would have been prevented.

But that’s not what ended up happening.

Today marks the day on how it’s been 6 months since Irys has stayed in her apartment.

It also marks the last one, as Irys will leave in one hour.

“Hey, how are you feeling?” Bae asks, worry clear on her face.

Irys turns around on the couch, facing Bae with a lazy expression. She had already packed all her things, and was just waiting for a vehicle transfer to arrive.

Irys let out a sigh. “I’m fine, I guess. Not perfect, but…” Irys shrugs, not finishing her sentence.

Bae, however, doesn’t ignore it. “But what?”

Irys gave her a wistful look. “…Sometimes, I wish I would get into an accident.” A flash of urgency appeared on Bae’s face. Before she could share her concern, however, Irys clarified. “I’m not talking about dying or anything like that. Just… something that would unfortunately make me unable to sing ever again or something.” Noticing that Bae’s concerned face hadn’t diminished, Irys lets out a small dry laugh. She didn’t intend to for this to come out as serious as it had, and she tried to lighten up the atmosphere. Not that it did much.

“Why do you want that?” Bae asked softly, though she already had an inkling of the answer.

Irys shrugs. She notices that she’s been doing that more lately as well. “Because that way I wouldn’t have to make the effort, I guess. Because if I quit that way, then I would be able to tell myself that there’s nothing I could have done about it. No one would blame me, either.” She pauses slightly. “I wouldn’t be able to blame myself.”

“Well, I doubt anything that convenient will be happening any time soon.” Bae said with a small smile. “And I don’t think fantasizing about it will make you feel any better as well.”

Irys takes a deep breath. “I know that already.” She says in resignation. A small silence starts to settle between them.

Suddenly, Irys stands up from the couch and starts stretching her limbs. “Alright, enough is enough!” Irys exclaims. “No more moping around.”

Irys then turns to Bae. “What are you going to do now?” She asks.

Bae shrugs her shoulders. “The same thing as always. Just… search for gigs that will accept me.” She gives Irys a conflicted smile. “I know it’s not fair to say this, but I’m jealous of you. I wish I had some kind of dream to follow like you do.”

She blinks. “Why is it that you want a dream so bad?” Irys asks, going to the core of the matter.

“…Because I look up to you.” Bae answers honestly. “Because I see just… how amazing you are, and I wish I could do that too.”

Irys lightly bites her lips. “I’m really not the best example to follow, you know?”

Bae lets out a small dry laugh. “Yeah. Maybe not.”

Irys takes a deep breath, thinking of what to say. “…You are just going to hurt yourself doing that. Stop finding meaning on other people’s lives and find a meaning in your own.” She looks directly at Bae. “I do what I do because I’m me.” She points towards Bae. “You should do what you want to do because of you.” She smiles. “Just… do what your hearts tells you to do, Bae. Isn’t it time that you start listening to yourself?”

Bae widens her eyes. Before she can say something, however, her phone starts ringing.

It was time. She had to go now.

Irys smiles at her. “I need to go now. Just… promise me that you won’t let anyone else dictate how you live your life, alright?”

Bae pondered over it a bit, before nodding. “I promise.” She says.

.

.

.

It was time to listen to herself, huh? Irys had hit the head on the nail. All this time, she has been constantly preoccupied with how she should worry about the future. How she had to constantly try to find something to follow, to lead her on.

So how much longer would she keep it up? If worrying about her future has brought her nothing but frustration, then why does she need to worry about it in the first place? Why does she need to follow a structured path? Why is she forcing herself to doing something she doesn’t care about?

If anything, she has always hated following a schedule of goals. So why not just wing it?

“Alright!” Bae suddenly says, hyping herself up as she picks up her phone and dials Fauna, knowing that her friend would welcome her with open arms at her shop.

It’s about time she took back her future.

2 years after graduation.

She’s been staring at that thumbnail for what must have been 10 minutes now. Her head seemingly too jumbled to really comprehend what she was looking at.

Irys’ debut, going live in 3 minutes.

She shouldn’t do it. She knows it will mess her up. That it will do nothing but self-harm.

She clicks on the video.

It was one of the most beautiful things she had ever seen. The way Irys moved, the way she sung, the way she expressed herself towards everyone in the audience. She had never seen her so happy, so fulfilled. It was the best version of herself that existed.

Was this what Irys had seen back then? That day when a random video changed her entire life? Where did she find her life’s calling?

If so, then Bae never had chance, did she? Even now, she had no idea what she wanted to do with her life.

She felt bitter memories coming to the surface in an uncontrolled manner.

So, what? Her life had become a fucking mess after having wasted years of her teenage life, all the while Irys was living at her best? How was that even remotely fair? Why was Irys the one who kept having a good life? What about her? Where was her reward for enduring everything?

Didn’t Irys steal everything from her, then?

It was easy, Bae found out, to just blame everything that had happened to her life on Irys.

So easy, in fact, that she couldn’t stop herself even if she wanted to.

In the end, Irys always managed to somehow captivate Bae, in some way or other.

Bae rhythmically taps her fingers on the table as she waits, the cup of coffee next to her already half full, while the one in front of her remains untouched. The shop was full of customers, but that was to be expected from an airport coffee shop. Not exactly the coziest of places, but beggars can’t be choosers.

She’s late.

Not that it can be helped. Sometimes there are delayed flights and there’s not much one can do about that. It’s just how airports work. But that fact doesn’t do much in alleviating the feeling of getting stood up, as illogical as it might be.

She sighs as she leans back into her chair, sipping her drink all the while. She lazily scours the sea of people at the airport for the chance of getting a glimpse of her.

She almost chokes on her coffee the moment she notices a figure wearing a big summer hat with sunglasses, looking side to side as she wanders aimlessly. And the real kicker? People were actually ignoring her, not recognizing who she was.

Is everyone blind or something?

Noticing that Irys’ sight wanders to her direction, Bae slightly stands up from her seat and waves, trying to get her attention. It takes a bit, but the moment she’s noticed, Irys starts heading towards her table.

Irys sat in front of her, giving her a small, intimate smile.

She felt entirely captivated by her smile.

“Hey, Bae.” She says softly, and Bae can’t help but fall in love with her voice after hearing it again in person after an entire year. “Sorry for arriving late. They delayed the disembarking for a few minutes.”

I’m an absolute disaster. Keep it together, Bae. She admonishes herself. You’re acting like a damn schoolgirl.

It wasn’t like this was the first time talking to her in a while or anything. The two of them kept in tight contact after Irys left. That said, she just couldn’t help it. She felt completely energized.

She was done waiting after all.

“Oh, you already ordered for me?” Irys says as she takes the cup in front of Bae.

Bae nods. “Thought you would like one after the flight.” She checks Irys out from top to bottom and snickers a laugh. “I’m very upset on just how effective wearing sunglasses with a big hat is at hiding your identity, by the way.” Bae greets her with a smile. “It makes no damn sense.”

“I told you it worked.” She exclaimed, followed by a smug hum. “And yet you never believed me. Really, your lack of trust wounds me.” She teases.

“So,” Bae starts, taking a sip from her own coffee. “Going indie, then?”

Irys nodded. “I’ve already gained quite a following, so there was no real need to keep staying with the agency.” She sips her own coffee. “It’s also less responsibilities, so it’ll be a good change of pace.”

“So, you’re going to rent garages to make your shows or something like that?”

Irys gives her a deadpan look. “What am I, a frat boy? Of course not.” Irys says appalled. “I’m probably going to do shows on music clubs, mostly. There’s plenty of flow through those places, and it shouldn’t be too hard for me to make a reservation.”

Bae gives her a slightly sad smile. “They aren’t Venue big, though.”

Irys mirrors Bae’s expression. “No. They aren’t” She confirms. “I’ll miss performing on a big stage, but it’s not like that was everything to me. As long as I can just keep on making music and performing, I’ll be happy.”

Bae nods understandingly. “I see. As long as you’re happy.”

“Besides, I’ve been thinking on starting a club of my own at some point in the future as well. It should be pretty fun to have my own place to perform, and that way I could also help other, less seen talents out there.”

“…Sooo, like renting a garage?” Bae says with a smirk.

Irys’ left eye twitches. “I’ll have you know, I have a scalding hot drink on my hand. It would be a shame if it spilled.”

“That cup has been sitting there for like ten minutes. I’d honestly be surprised if it was anything more than slightly hot.”

Irys raises an eyebrow as she shakes her drink menacingly. “Why don’t you come and find out, then?”

The two of them stare at each other, as if challenging the other to make the first move. Soon after, the Bae lets out a small snicker which devolves into the two of them giggling over the situation. A familiar warmth fills Bae’s chest at the moment.

After recovering from the incident, Irys directs the question to Bae. “And what about you? Last you told me, you were working at Fauna’s, right?”

Bae nods. “It’s been great. At first I wasn’t really that into it, but a few months ago Fauna decided to teach me more about the intricacies involved in the flowers and the plants. Now, I can kinda see why Fauna is so attached to these things. Besides, Kronii and Mumei come to hang out from time to time on their break hours, so it’s never too boring out there.”

“How are the three of them, actually?” Irys asks. “I’ve only spoken to Kronii lately.”

“They’re doing good. They’ve been going strong since high school, I’m sure that won’t change in the future as well.” Bae says, before realizing too the underlying meaning she just spoke about.

A pause of silence spreads between the two of them, both knowing exactly what the other was thinking. Because the hurt was still there. It was engraved part of their history together that, regardless of how much they wanted to, it would not be erased. Unlike before, however, Bae now realizes that she doesn’t want to forget that pain. It’s because of the regret she feels that she’s able to do things right. If she didn’t feel that regret, that pain, prickling her every time she remembered their past, then how could she know which direction to go? She wasn’t better because she got over their past. She was better because she regretted their past.

“It’s also just fun to have Fauna around.” Bae continues, breaking the silence that settled. “The shop’s close by, it’s not stressful work. The pay’s decent. Honestly? I just don’t see the point in looking for another job. I might as well just stay there.” Bae says, shrugging slightly. She has already given up on searching for some kind of future job. She just doesn’t care that much about it anymore.

Irys smiles at her. “I’m glad things are better, then.” Instinctively, Irys reaches for one of Bae’s hands, before stopping midway through.

Bae takes her hand before Irys has a chance to withdraw it. It was time.

Bae lets herself smile softly, showing intimacy. “I missed you, Irys.”

Irys hums slightly. “Do you miss me, or do you miss being with me?” She asks tentatively, despite already knowing the answer.

Bae places her hand on top of Irys’. “…Thanks for waiting for me. I love you.” She says as she slowly closes the gap between the two of them. Irys closes the rest of the gap.

She had imagined many times how kissing her again would feel. She always thought that it would feel like coming back home from a long journey.

Instead, it felt like moving into a new home with the one she loved, along with the scent of coffee tinging their lips.