Chapter Text
Knock. Knock. Knock.
Donatello looked up at the sound. Slowly standing up, he answered the door to see April smiling at him.
“Ready to go?” she asked.
He glanced back at the room before slowly nodding.
“Yeah, I think so,” he mused as he stared at the empty space. After a moment, he turned back to April and threw his hands in his hoodie before finally stepping out of the room. The two quietly walked outside where they waved to Todd before hopping onto the motorcycle. Don hesitated as he gripped the handlebars. April leaned forward at his hesitation before patting his arm.
“Hey. Don’t push yourself. Want me to drive?”
He stared at his shaking hands for a while before nodding slowly and climbing down to let her take over. It had already been a couple of weeks. He was doing a lot better and he thought he was ready for this. Apparently, he wasn’t. Climbing onto the back, he held onto April as she started the engine and they drove through the city. The wind rushed past them as they flew past buildings before finally reaching their destination. Entering the garage, April slowed the bike down and parked before sliding off.
Everything was exactly the same as when he’d left. It was eerily quiet as April moved the motorcycle out of the way. His heart raced as he stared at the tank. Creaking metal echoed in his mind. Closing his eyes, he shook his head, trying to clear it. He jumped as April grabbed his hand. Taking a deep breath to steady himself, he allowed her to lead him out of the garage. He took one last glance at the tank before they left. It was just as sturdy as always. If he could work on those machines at Todd’s, then the tank shouldn’t be a problem. It wasn’t going to kill him, not here. But that could be an adventure for another day.
Excited shouting echoed down the halls as they entered the lair before finally finding his brothers in the gaming room. All three of them were crowded around one of the machines as Mikey played. Donnie stood in the doorway watching them for a moment. April nudged him forward with a sympathetic smile. He took a deep breath before slowly entering the room and approaching his brothers. Leo noticed first and grinned when he saw them.
“Donnie!” Leo cheered as he rushed from the console to the two approaching the group.
Raph and Mikey both looked up as Leo pulled Donnie into a hug. A sad beeping noise of a dying character followed the last of Donnie’s brothers as they abandoned their game to join him and Leo.
“You’re here! You’re here!” Mikey bounced excitedly as he leapt into the hug.
“Ah! Yes! I’m here!” Donnie grunted under the weight of all of his brothers.
Leo grabbed Donnie’s hand and pulled him toward one of the two-player games. “I call first dibs!”
“No way!” Mikey argued. “You can’t call dibs!”
“Oh really? Then tell me why I just did?” Leo stuck his tongue out.
“Now hold on!” Raph added sternly, causing Leo to freeze. “What do you want to do Donnie?”
Don glanced between his brothers, noticing all eyes on him. He hadn’t really thought about what he wanted to do. Today was just supposed to be a chill hang-out to help him feel a little more at ease in his own home again. What did he even want to do? Did it really matter? Glancing back at the games, he shrugged.
“I’m fine playing games,” Donnie said.
Leo grinned brightly as he dragged his twin to one of the consoles. Donatello gripped the controller in his hands as the game played its intro. Taking a deep breath, the two of them delved into the game. Laughter and shouting filled the room as everyone picked their own games to play. Donnie soon found himself lost in the competition against his brother. He laughed slightly as he won the first two rounds before turning to look at Leo.
“You’re going easy on me!” Don accused.
“No way!” Leo scoffs as he sets up the next round.
“Yes, you are! You’re either having the worst luck ever or you’re going easy on me!”
“I would never go easy on you!”
“Alright then! How about a bet on the next round?” Don gave him a cocky smirk as he leaned back in his seat.
Leo raised his eyebrow skeptically as he turned his attention away from the game.
“You want to place a bet?”
“Yeah, I do,” he nods. Rubbing his chin in thought, he hums softly before snapping as he gets an idea. “Oh! If I win, I get my pick at one of your Jupiter Jim collectible figurines.”
“What! No way!” Leo protested indignantly.
“Then you better win,” Donnie smirked as he turned to the screen again.
“Fine!” Leo scoffed angrily. He hesitates for a moment before looking at his brother again. “And… if I win? What do I get?”
“What do you want?” he shrugs.
Leo stares at the console blankly as he thinks. A few moments pass before he turned to look at Donnie again with a serious expression.
“I… I want to know what’s going on. What really happened while you were gone.”
His face fell as he allowed the controller to fall into his lap. He had never seen his brother so serious before. It was unnerving. Finally, Don sighed.
“Leo, I… I can’t do that. What if I just… build you something? Like whatever you want?”
The silence is almost deafening as Leo considers this offer.
“How about… one question? If I win, you answer one question and if you win, you can have my most embarrassing secret?”
Don snickered at that.
“You’re willing to risk a secret?”
“Take it or leave it!”
He pondered his options for a moment before nodding and holding out his hand. “Fine, one question.”
Leonardo smiled as he shook his brother's hand before the two picked up their controllers again. They both leaned forward as they got into the game. Leo clearly wasn’t going easy on him anymore. They raced through the course, sabotaging each other as they ran through the level. Donnie wasn’t going to give up easily though. Both of their health was dropping, but neither refused to give in. Almost an hour passed before Leo finally managed to beat him. Throwing his hands up, Leo alerted everyone of his victory by standing up with a shout.
“Whoo! I won!” he screamed excitedly before turning to Donnie. “That was a lot closer than I thought it’d be.”
“You were going easy on me before!” Don shouted back.
“Duh,” Leo rolled his eyes as he sat back in his seat. “Had to let you have some confidence before I crushed you. I didn’t expect you to actually be good at this game though.”
“Okay! Okay! You won! Are we playing best two out of three or-”
“No! No! You said this round! I won this round which means I get to ask you one question and you have to answer it!”
“Fine,” he rolled his eyes as he leaned back in his seat. “Are we doing this now or-”
“Why were you afraid of me?” Leo asked quietly.
Donatello froze. He could feel his heart pounding in his chest but his body didn’t feel real anymore. Was he still there? His hands were numb. What did Leo know? What was he thinking? Did April or Splinter tell him something? Did he actually know or was he just assuming something? Where did this come from? He swallowed thickly before turning to face his brother.
“Wh-what?” he mentally kicked himself for how stupid he sounded but he didn’t know how else to answer him.
Leo sighed as he glanced at the others playing their own games before turning to fully face Donnie in his seat.
“Before you left… you were upset. I knew something was off but you wouldn’t talk to me about it. Then you started having a panic attack. I tried to help you but it just seemed to make it worse. You kept… you were trying to get away from me. So… I just got Dad and let him take care of it. It just… it seemed like you were… afraid of me.” Leo curled up a little in his seat, taking another breath before continuing. “Ever since you left, that moment has been playing over and over in my mind. I just… I have to know.”
Don is silent as he stares at his brother slowly recalling that moment. He agreed to the bet and now he had to honor it but… could he really tell his brother everything? No. He didn’t have to tell him everything, just enough to answer the question. But what was he supposed to say?
“I… I’m not sure how to explain it,” he muttered. “I had been having these nightmares. I guess for a moment I confused you for what I saw in my dream.”
That felt like a good enough explanation. He relaxed slightly as he watched Leo process this information.
“What was your dream about?” Leo finally asked slowly.
“You only get one question,” he scoffed as he shook his head.
Leo stared at him for a moment before setting up another round of the game.
“Alright then. Let’s play for another one.”
“You want to play for another question?”
“Yeah! Why not?” Leo shrugged as he gestured to Don’s controller. “Same rules, you win, you get a secret.”
“It better be a good secret,” Don mumbled as he readied himself for the next round.
The round lasted for a good twenty minutes, but it wasn’t nearly as close. Don managed to win this round with a wide grin.
“No! I want another try!” Leo whined as he grabbed his controller.
“No way! You lost! Spill it!”
Leo threw his head back with a long dramatic sigh before leaning in a little closer.
“Okay! Okay! But I get another try after this!”
“If you’re willing to lose more secrets,” Don smirked.
“Yeah whatever,” Leo rolled his eyes before he leaned in, lowering his voice to barely above a whisper. “So… you know how I’ve been reading a lot of comics recently?”
“That’s not a secret,” Don scoffed.
“I’m getting to that part!” Leo huffed as he smacked at Don’s arm. He took a deep breath, a slight blush on his cheeks as he stammered to get out the words. “I uh… might have gotten like… a huge crush on Spider-Man,” Leo mumbled quietly as fidgeted with his fingers.
Don sat there for a moment trying to process the information before bursting out laughing.
“You what?!”
“Shut up!” Leo pushed him before falling back into his seat and grabbing his controller. “We’re playing again!”
“Your next secret better be just as good,” Don laughed as he readied himself for the next round.
The game was a lot closer this time. It was almost a tie until Leo managed to pull a quick move to save himself at the last second.
“No!” Don shouted as his character died.
“Whoo!” Leo shouted. “Suck it!”
“Whatever! Spider dork.”
“Hey! That is a secret!” Leo hissed as he leaned in closer to Donnie.
Don laughed for a moment before he noticed Leo getting serious.
“Now… what was the nightmare about?”
His smile faded as he let out a sigh.
“They were all just… different ways I died.”
“Oh come on! There has to be something similar about all of them, Dee. You have to be honest with me!” he stated sternly, pointing a finger at his twin.
“I am!” Don scoffed as he slapped Leo’s hand out of his face. “There were a few… recurring elements.” He was quiet for a moment as he went over the dreams in his mind. He let out another sigh. “I just… I always start alone in my room,” he mutters as he droops his shoulders in defeat and falls back into his seat. “It’s… dusty like I haven’t been there in months. Sometimes stuff falls from the walls and tries to crush me but for the most part, it’s empty. When I leave the room, I try to find you guys but… you can’t hear me. No matter how much I try to call out or talk to you, you ignore me. It’s like… I’m already dead. Sometimes you’re already mourning over me while I’m forced to stand there and watch.” He goes quiet for a moment and takes another deep breath to ground himself before continuing. “And then… some… figure comes out and chases after me. It tells me I’m not supposed to be alive. No matter what I do this figure comes after me to make sure I stay dead.”
Don stares at his hands as he goes quiet, giving Leonardo time to process what he’d said. Occasional beeping and shouting erupted behind them as April and their brothers continued on without them. Finally, Leo pulled Donnie into a hug.
“You don’t really believe that do you?” Leo choked out quietly.
“Believe what?” Don asked.
“That you’re supposed to be dead?” Leo held his brother tighter. “You survived for a reason Dee. You’re safe now. And as soon as you’re ready, you can be safe at home. But you’re alive. Please tell me you don’t believe that stupid voice.”
Don stared blankly in front of him as he went over Leo’s words. He’d never thought of it like that before, had he? Did he really believe it? Did he believe he was supposed to be dead? Was he even happy he was alive?
“I… I don’t know,” he mumbled. “I was more… afraid the universe wasn’t done with me yet. I never really thought about what I thought I deserved or wanted.”
“The universe can fuck itself for all I care,” Leo scoffed. “If anyone can figure out a way to give Death the middle finger, it’s you, Dee.” Leo leaned back to get a better look at his twin. “Either way, you don’t deserve to live in fear.”
Donatello goes quiet for a moment as he takes in this information. They remain in their hug for a while before Mikey pulls them away for dinner. Leo’s words echo in his head throughout the rest of dinner and the ride back to Todd’s.
You don’t deserve to live in fear.