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"Pendragon," The dryad said, looking for the world like the most genuinely beautiful woman any of them had ever laid eyes on.
Arthur looked to his companions, all of whom seemed to be as confused as he felt.
"May we pass?" He asked, but the dryad betrayed no answer.
He prodded Lancelot with his feet, begging the man wordlessly to ask, because who in their right mind could deny Lancelot ?
The dryad seemed to not have noticed, or at least pretended not to.
"Dryad of the Elfen woods, what is your name?" Asked Lancelot with a polite smile.
"It is Sappho, good sir." The dryad said.
"Sappho of Lesbos?" The noble one asked, his eyes widening in awe.
"The very same." The dryad smiled from under her olive crown.
Arthur had no idea who Sappho was, but apparently his knight did.
"I love your work. I love what you do, my lady." He grinned, bowing his head her way.
"And I, your taste in literature, Sir Lancelot." Sappho chuckled, more friendly and at ease.
Thank God for Lancelot! -
One look at Merlin and any relief was sucked out of Arthur's mind, he looked.. odd. An expression Arthur couldn't name, haven't met once in 7 years, was gracing his friend's face; his eyes were glazed over. When he spoke, the emotion in his voice caught everyone by surprise, the entire clearing going eerily silent the instant his mouth opened.
“ That man seems to me to be equal to the gods
who is sitting opposite you
and hears you nearby
speaking sweetly
and laughing delightfully, which indeed
makes my heart flutter in my breast;
for when I look at you even for a short time,
it is no longer possible for me to speak
but it is as if my tongue is broken
and immediately a subtle fire has run over my skin,
I cannot see anything with my eyes,
and my ears are buzzing
a cold sweat comes over me, trembling
seizes me all over, I am paler
than grass, and I seem nearly
to have died.
but everything must be dared. "
"Emrys." Sappho smiled, a faint heart-break colouring her voice. The name was directed at Merlin, who did not seem surprised in the least at having been addressed so. Arthur was certain he'd never heard it before, but couldn't help feeling like he'd uttered it a thousand times, and wondered at this.
"I never thought I'd see the day…" Merlin chuckled, moving forward and reaching out with both his hands, at the dryad who took- no caressed - them without question. "...And now that it has, I know not what to say. The lovely things you write.. your brilliant take on stuff, the pride you take in being yourself, Sappho, is the only thing that's kept me alive this past decade."
Arthur was fairly sure the sword that had clattered to the ground was Gwaine's. But to be fair, he wouldn't have cared if the world was blown up behind him in that particular moment, because the King couldn't believe what he was hearing.. what Merlin was trying to say. Lancelot and Leon looked grim, Percival seemed sympathetic, Guenevier and Elyan, like himself, stood horrified.
How had he let things get this far?? Why had he left Merlin to find the will to live in words written by another, when he himself should've voiced them right into his ear? He laid a hand on Merlin's shoulder, and grimaced at the small shiver he was trying and failing to conceal, but the man seemed to be lost in his own world with his favourite, Arthur was assuming, poet.
Sappho tilted Merlin's sorrowful face up with gentle force, and said, "Oh, but Merlin, you are my muse."
Merlin seemed taken aback at this revelation. "I don't-"
"You are everything, are you not?" Sappho shook her head in fond amusement. "You are nature. You are beauty. You are love. And that is what all poets worship with their pens." She laid a kiss on Merlin's brow as his frown died out, kindling a happiness that Arthur, nor anyone present there, had ever observed on him.
Arthur knew that every one of his knights were feeling the same grief that he was experiencing at that moment, except perhaps Lancelot, who looked happier at Merlin's elation.
Thank God for Lancelot..
"You may not pass these woods today.."The dryad continued, "Tomorrow, the equinox begins. Once you step into these shadows, and smell the sweetness of the ether yonder, you will be prayed upon by evil beings on their last day of freedom. You may pass tomorrow, after dawn."
Arthur couldn't suppress a shiver at that, for once acting on his protectiveness, and moving closer to Merlin.
"And one thing I wish to tell you, son of earth-" Sappho breathed, "old friends whom we chose to ignore, who are now something they are not, are still our friends."
Arthur couldn't make head nor tail of this, but Merlin seemed to, as was intended, his features hardening in what could only be named as determination.
"Farewell, good Sappho." He rasped out, and just like that, the poet was the wind.
"Merlin.." Guinevere began, but Merlin refused to meet her eyes, ignoring her plea for Leon's critical gaze. Merlin looked afraid, his eyes moved over to Lancelot as if in question, wordlessly asking if he'd said too much. Lancelot shook his head, conveying a clear no, and Merlin visibly relaxed a tad. And then it hit Arthur like a ton of bricks- Merlin was afraid of disappointing them, of making his friends worry. Oddly, he looked over to Leon again, who smiled this time, as if he was proud, instead of worried or disappointed, opening his arms in invitation, and Merlin moved like a magnet- his porcelain face was suddenly pressed against Leon's chest, against the cool metal of fine armour, torso encircled in the breakwater of his arms. Everyone, bar Lancelot and Guinevere was openly gaping at Leon by this point~ Leon, ever the stoic symbol positive masculinity~ Leon, the town automaton~ Leon, ever the verbal power-supply but someone who's never offered physical comfort to his comrades, not even men riding out to their death, was hugging Merlin like he was the most precious thing on Albion soil. (He is , but that's not the point).
Merlin emerged looking like the moon, all radiant smiles again, then turned to Guinevere: "Yes, Gwen?"
"You know you can talk to us right?" She asked, successfully hiding the hurt that had bled through earlier.
"Of course, I do." He grinned, and the switch was so drastic, that Arthur wondered how many times Merlin was at the verge of breaking, knocking at death's door, but had turned around and smiled at Arthur instead.
"You know I'd die for you, yeah?" Gwaine asked, ever the subtle one.
Merlin rolled his eyes at this, extending an arm to the knight's rigid shoulder, and ensuring him- "If you ever die for me, my friend, I will come down to whatever hell you crawled out of and kill you myself."
But the effect of his words was ruined by the way he reached out to play with Gwaine's hair and shot literal heart-eyes his way, all of which Gwaine responded to by blowing him a mock-kiss.
"You know we'd mutiny against Arthur here if you only asked right?" Elyan asked, entirely serious and scaring the hell out of Arthur as Percival nodded his agreement.
"Hey!" The King protested weakly.
"Sire, you'd overthrow yourself if Merlin asked." Lancelot smirked.
"Not the point, Lance." Arthur glared.
"Thank you." Merlin told Elyan, throwing a conspiratorial wink Percival's way, before turning to look at Arthur. Arthur wondered if the poor man knew how much his pupils had dilated the moment their eyes met. Arthur stepped closer to Merlin, a hand coming to rest between his shoulder-blades in an almost-half-hug-
"Merlin, you know I love you right?" He asked, then watched in fascination as Merlin's eyes widened a fraction, his Adam's apple bobbing up and down, a surprised smile claiming the curve of his lips. He knew, of course, that Gwaine was wolf-whistling, and that Gunivier was looking at him with pride in her eyes, and that Lancelot and Leon were exchanging relieved glances, but he only knew those things because he'd expected them, not because he observed anyone else in that moment, nor because he particularly cared. Arthur can't believe he had finally got that out of his chest- he would've preferred to show Merlin his worth, but telling him was a surreal reward in and of itself. Merlin didn't need to know the nature of Arthur's love for him, Arthur himself is not so sure how he would define it, he just needed to know that Arthur did so with all his heart. There is not a single person Arthur cares for more than he does Merlin, even if said caring only ever manifested in the sanctity of his mind, occasionally bleeding through their campfire silences whenever they had reason to fear death.
"I do." Merlin said, something coming alive in his eyes, and to Arthur, it sounded like a promise. Maybe it was.
They decided to make camp there, a hair's breadth away from the impossibly dense tree-line. The sun was just setting when the aroma of charred meat began to thrum all around. Arthur was worried if this would attract wildlife, but decided that any animal could try to harm Camelot's best warriors.
After dinner, they found themselves sitting around, having nothing much to do, which is when Gwaine proposed a game of Two Truths and a Lie. Arthur knew his knights were a little too old for him to be indulging this, but letting them unwind was a good thing. He was, also, quite looking forward to the game.
"Ah but there's a twist." Gwaine declared, eliciting frustrated groans from the group.
"Don't tell me we have to drink." Leon grimaced.
"No. Gwen and I have a limited supply of mead and we are not letting anyone steal a drop of it." He smirked.
Everyone wheeled around to look at a fidgeting Gwen who was obviously at the verge of blabbering nonsense.
" He is a bad influence on you." Elyan muttered as Lancelot nodded frantically.
" She is a bad influence on Gwaine." Merlin muttered, earning a betrayed look from Gwen and a "here here" from the man.
"What's the twist then?" Percival asked.
"You'll have to tell 2 truths and a lie about someone else , and have others guess which one is the lie." Arthur absolutely treasured Gwaine in moments like this; He could single-handedly inspire good spirits and camaraderie even in the direst of death-matches.
Gwaine's proposition was met with agreement from everyone.
"I'll go first." Arthur said.
"Take it away, Princess." Gwaine cheered.
"I pick.. Leon!" Arthur declared as Leon smiled reassuringly at him.
"When he was 17, Leon almost got himself kicked out of knight-training because he kept flirting with his sparring-partner.."
"That's just absurd!" Percival guffawed.
"I don't think you understand the rules, Sire." Elyan laughed.
"Don't make it that easy!" Merlin, the toad, hollered.
"..Once, Leon willingly aided a man who claimed he wanted to kill the King. Handed him the weapon even." Arthur continued.
Everyone fell silent at this, the most delicate of frowns breaching Merlin's forehead as Leon himself started to sweat profusely. Gwen couldn't seem to have helped the chuckle that slipped past her lips, inviting sharp gazes to clock in on her.
"..Leon used to be Camelot's spy master before he became first knight." Arthur finished, his eyes glittering in the light of the fire.
A sharp silence filled the clearing, polluted only by the soothing melody of embers on wood, soon broken by a flurry of comments.
"The first one's the lie, obviously. " Elyan said, rather confidently.
"Leon? Flirting ?? To the point of almost getting kicked out ?? Leon??? I think not!" Gwaine declared.
"And you think he'd ever willingly aid in regicide ?" Guenevere asked him, if only to cause some friction.
"Well, it seems more likely than him flirting." Percival defended Gwaine.
"Here's the thing- I don't think Leon would be here if the second one's true." Merlin piped up, hiding a giant smirk(Arthur could tell), Leon shot him an incredulous smile.
"He's definitely secretive enough to be spymaster!" Lancelot said.
"What's your answer?" Arthur rolled his eyes.
"Number 2. Number 2's the lie. Leon would never." Percival said from under a thoughtful frown, and everyone except Merlin, Gwen and Leon himself nodded along, some albeit hesitantly.
Arthur grinned victoriously as he said-
"Wrong! It's the third one."
"Bullshit!" Gwaine exclaimed as Leon himself had to double down with laughter.
" Leon?? " Percival looked at the first knight in horror.
"You almost got not knighted? You're the knightliest knight I know!" Elyan pouted.
"More importantly, you flirted with your partner?" Gwaine asked, looking for the world like a proud parent.
"I guess we're just brushing over the literal regicide then. That was literally your answer!" The King muttered sarcastically.
"It was Merlin." Leon groaned. "Merlin said he wanted to kill the King. I thought he was joking and handed him a crossbow- "To Kill Arthur." "Getting on your nerves is he?" "Not for much long!" - Thank God Merlin's a shitty assassin. How did you know about that, sire?" He said.
"I'm the King, Leon. I know everything." Arthur smirked, which was untrue, one of the then new recruits had told him in a fit of panic but these knuckleheads didn't need to know that.
"When was this?" Gwaine asked, agape as Lancelot chuckled at the memory, probably having heard it from Merlin himself.
"When he had gotten kidnapped by Morgana but we all thought that he was just dead." Gwen shrugged.
"Wait! You got kidnapped by Morgana?" Arthur asked, completely taken aback.
"You're gonna have to be more specific, Gwen, since he's gotten kidnapped by Morgana multiple times." Gwaine helpfully provided.
"What?-" Arthur rose to his feet.
"Guess you don't know everything then, Prat. " Merlin leaned back to look up at him, completely smug for God knows what reason.
"Around the time we started calling him bogman, and you told me you were worried if Arthur might unalive himself to join Merls in the afterlife, Gwaine." Gwen clarified.
"Merlin! Say something." Arthur shook him by the shoulder.
"Oh that time he was so badly tortured he couldn't walk for days after he had gotten rid of that snake in his neck and I had to cover for him in front of Arthur?" Gwaine asked his best friend, just to be sure.
" Snake in his- Merlin?!" Arthur was shouting in hysteria now.
"I mean, I understand why you'd wanna kill Arthur, but how did you look past the ocean of love you have for him? Also, snake?? For real???" Elyan butted in.
"Maybe Merlin's a bad assassin 'cause he's got a nice ass. I mean you can't have it all!" Gwaine sighed, to which Gwen frantically nodded her agreement.
"Merlin, you idiot, tell me what-" Arthur began.
"Everyone shut up!" Leon thundered, to which everyone's mouths snapped shut.
"Merlin.." he sighed, "explain. Please. Or Arthur's gonna explode into flames."
"Fine." Merlin pouted. "I was kidnapped and tortured by Gana that time you had to leave me behind because of the definitely accidental rockfall. She put a snake in my neck to mind control me so that she could get me to kill you . Gwen and Gaius kept knocking me out whenever I came too close or accidentally got myself executed." He shrugged.
Arthur opened his mouth to say something, then closed, then opened again to rasp out- "Why didn't you tell me? After?"
"Seemed unimportant." Merlin grinned.
" Unimportant- "
"And Elyan, you're wrong. I do not have an ocean of love for Arthur. Also Gwaine is absolutely right- I think that precisely is the reason. We'll make a logician out of you yet."
"Thanks, Merls." Gwaine winked at him.
" Merlin? " Said Arthur.
" What? " Merlin replied, pinching the bridge of his nose in exasperation.
"You're supposed to tell me these things!" Arthur cuffed him around the head.
Merlin was silent for a moment, just glaring at Arthur, who was a little taken aback at how uncharacteristically intimidating Merlin looked while simply sitting on his arse on bare earth.
"If I did, would you've believed me?" He gritted out finally.
"With sufficient evidence, yes!" Arthur frowned.
"And I can't be half-arsed to find evidence , because sometimes there is no evidence, because sometimes when I tell you that someone is not to be trusted or literally beg you to help me save my father in all but blood , you don't listen and you don't have to, Arthur, because there's no evidence , there's nothing there except my conviction , there's nothing there except me wanting the best for you. I don't need you to be my King in those moments, I want you to be my friend , I want you as you are! I think I've earned that."
By the end of his tirade, Merlin was breathing heavily, and Arthur was dangerously close to tears. The rest of the party had descended into a tense and awkward silence, but Arthur dared not break it, lest his voice should betray his heartbreak. Wanna know what the worst part was? Every word his friend had spoken was true; Hadn't Arthur betrayed his trust by not believing him when he should've? Why would Merlin come to him with his own problems, tell him if he wasn't alright, tell him if he was in a dangerous state of mind, if Arthur had proved time and time again that he wouldn't listen. What use was loving someone if they can't even come to you in their darkest hour?
Merlin's breathing was coming pantingly all of a sudden, worsening by the second as Arthur saw raw panic taint the blue of his eyes. Arthur reached out instinctively, wanting to protect and comfort and apologise but at a loss on how to achieve any of that. He watched in horror as Merlin flinched away from his touch, stopping his breathing entirely. Arthur edged back, holding his hands up in the air in a placating gesture, but Merlin seemed to not have noticed as he started clawing at his hair in sheer desperation of wanting to breathe .
Lancelot was there before Merlin had started chanting his name in a broken mantra, all but begging for help. He encircled Merlin in his arms without hesitation, breathing reassurances Arthur couldn't quite make out with the blood rushing in his ears, as Merlin melted into Lancelot. As if they did this everyday. As if this was an everyday thing Merlin couldn't tell Arthur about. Arthur felt his heart fall to the pit of his stomach, how had he let things get this far??
Gwaine, Elyan, Percival, Guenevier, pretty much everyone was alternating between glancing worriedly at Merlin and glaring Arthur to death. Arthur faintly wondered if he should just kill himself and run from all this.. run from how much of a ginormous prattish, dollop-headed, moronic Pigdragon he was. Merlin gave no signs of calming down even as he clawed at Lancelot's armour plate in an attempt to mimic his breathing. But then Leon sat down at his other side and held Merlin's hand, gently guiding his fingers to where a terrified Arthur still knelt, unable to tear his eyes from Merlin. Leon placed the pads of Merlin's trembling fingers along Arthur's neck, where his pulse could be felt. Merlin, whose cold fingers were streaked with tears and sweat and blood from where his nails had dug into his palms, relaxed against the rhythm of Arthur's life blood in his veins.
"He's okay." Leon said into Merlin's hair, placing a kiss there.
"You're okay, Merlin." Lancelot rubbed his hand up and down his back, the curve of it growing less serious under his touch.
Merlin's eyes forgot to be glazed over, it seemed, locking in on his hand on Arthur's neck, before straying to his eyes, just as his tears spilled over without his knowledge.
"You're okay." Merlin breathed out, then inhaled and exhaled carefully, consciously, because he could.
Then, without further ado, he pulled Arthur close and held on with all the strength in his body, and Arthur doesn't remember ever holding anyone like this- close to his body but closer to his heart, like he couldn't bear to lose him, least of all to himself. And he cried, shoving his face into Merlin's shoulder, because Kings are only men.
Game cut short before it had even begun properly, everyone went to their bedrolls. Gwaine and Guenevier volunteered for first watch with small flagons of watered down mead in their hands. Gwaine looked as shaken as Arthur felt, and he wondered if he was about to get murdered in his sleep by his best knight. But he surprised him by throwing his arms around him, patting him reassuringly on the back as Arthur yielded to his warmth without conscious thought. The King pressed his lips to the beginning of Gwaine's sweet hair, kissing him with gentle force, which only served to make him squeeze harder. Arthur had never allowed himself to show honest affection to anyone, least of all to his men, but the day's events had taught him to never hold back, because these men, who would ride into hell's mouth if their King only asked, deserved to be shown love, craved it more than most. He reached out a hand to rest atop Guenevier's head who smiled up at him with pride and joy. Then he left them there, trusting them to keep them all safe, and moved to his bedroll, the most part of which was occupied by Merlin, though his own roll was not even an elbow's length away. Arthur rolled his eyes as Merlin looked up at him defiantly, rolling to sprawl himself further on what was easily the softest bedroll they had. Without complaining, the King picked up Merlin's abandoned and coarse roll and spread it on his right side before finally resting his aching head, sighing contentedly and welcoming what he was sure will be the best sleep he's had in a while, not because of the twigs and pebbles he could feel poking at his belly, but because his nose was pressed into Merlin's scent- sweat, herbs and petrichor- as Merlin lay there beside him, watching him intently with half-lidded eyes full of sleep, close enough to offer the faintest warmth.
"Arthur . " He whispered then. His voice had no job sounding so dulcet and wrecked at the same time, no job sounding so close to a small death , as if they were sharing a wedding bed and not lying in a clearing in the middle of nowhere.
Arthur didn't respond, didn't even open his eyes. He wanted to hear his name fall from Merlin's mouth again, wanted to commit the sound to memory so he could savour it in the back of his throat whenever he was addressed by his name.
" Arthur ." Merlin called again and it was all the King could do not to groan and rut against his friend's bedroll like a wanton whore. He opened his eyes and turned to look at Merlin who was biting his bottom lip so hard Arthur could see the skin turn white under his teeth. Good God he looked as erotic as he sounded, hair dishevelled on Arthur's pillow, face half hidden in the shadows, his gorgeous neck on display now that his neckerchief had been discarded and a faint sliver of the pale skin at his hips peeking out from beneath Arthur's favourite shirt of his- the purple one.
A high pitched noise tore from Arthur's throat in response. Merlin looked him over, the searing heat in his gaze softening to accommodate a bit of concern. He reached out a hand to mockingly check Arthur's temperature, but it ended up morphing into a caress and Arthur felt himself tremble .
"Are you alright?" Merlin frowned, raising himself on an elbow, edging closer to Arthur in an attempt
to check him over. Arthur was now eye level with the deep v of Merlin's shirt, the laces half undone. He swallowed, then looked up at Merlin through his lashes.
"Yeah." He said, even as his breath stuttered. "What do you want so badly it couldn't wait till the morning, idiot?" Arthur whispered, mindful of not waking the others up, then realised that Merlin was half lying on the dirt and still looked too worried to move back, so Arthur pulled Merlin's bedroll closer, till they just had one big roll and watched as Merlin smiled in relief and lowered himself to lie facing him.
"Well?" Arthur asked, wordlessly counting the individual crinkles near Merlin's eyes, now that he was so close it would simply be rude not to stare.
Merlin considered him before taking a deep breath, then whispered so softly that Arthur had to edge closer to hear, as Merlin's palm welcomed him by resting above his waist-
"As when in heaven, the stars about the moon look beautiful, and as in the story of Midas whence all he touches turns to gold, your smile stutters rocks into diamonds and kills the darkest of thoughts that flutter about my mind.."
" Merlin -" Arthur breathed, tears blossoming in his eyes under the weight of Merlin's adoring eyes.
"I guess what I'm trying to say is.." The toad smiled, effectively plundering Arthur's last straw of control, ".. I love everybody, because I love you, even if you can be a prat at times." He confessed, with only the moon and Arthur himself as witness.
"Sometimes, Merlin," Arthur said finally, his breath hitching as Merlin brushed his tears away and kept his hands there,
"I don't know if I want to be your friend, your brother or lover, or if I just want to somehow infuse myself into your skin and stay there always."
Merlin laughed when Arthur did as promised, nuzzling closer till Merlin filled all his senses, shoving his nose into the crook of Merlin's exposed neck and smirking as the man shivered violently, his hands coming up to embrace Arthur's pliant body and falling asleep together.
The next morning, Arthur woke up to a handful of Merlin. It was just the break of dawn and everyone else was sure to be fast asleep. He laid there a second more, breathing in Merlin's hair like it was air itself, then smiled secretly as he felt Merlin wake up in his arms. Arthur expected him to be shoved off and called names but what he didn't expect, however, was for Merlin to stay there with his head resting on Arthur's chest. The knowledge that Merlin wanted this, wanted to linger in their shared warmth made his heart stumble and fall, and Merlin must have felt this, because he quickly looked up to check Arthur over, who opened his eyes and, in typical fashion, shoved his precious load off him.
"Are you going into cardiac arrest, or are you just happy to see me?" Merlin asked, picking up his neckerchief as he got up.
"Both." Arthur squeaked, much to his own horror, then went to walk away red-faced.
But Merlin stopped him, entwining their hands, and kissed him softly, like Arthur was oxygen , as the sun rose in par with their love.