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“Frankly speaking, I think you’re hopeless, Yeonjun hyung,” Taehyun said as he munched his apple slices.
Yeonjun slammed his head on the table with a groan.
They were sitting in a small cafe near their university. After their class was cancelled, Taehyun decided they needed a change of scenery, so instead of going home, they made their way there.
Both of them were exhausted from the projects they had to submit before the deadline (which was today — Yeonjun couldn't believe they had procrastinated so much that they needed to pull three all-nighters in a row), but they were finally free.
And apparently, Yeonjun was in dire need of some caffeine, because it seemed like the lack of sleep was starting to get to his head.
“No, I’m serious this time, Taehyun. Soobin will never realize I’m in love with him if I don't do something.”
“I doubt he’ll realize even if you do something. You already act like a lovesick fool in front of him. You just need to lay it on the line and tell him.”
“I’m not doing that.” Yeonjun frowned. He knew he was quite obvious — to everyone except Soobin — but he wasn’t brave enough to bare his heart to him. However, come to think of it, he realized that he never actively pursued a relationship with Soobin. He just waited for him to notice something, but it didn’t seem to work.
Yeonjun's eyes lit up with an idea. He leaned forward with a huge grin on his face. “I will flirt with him.”
“Hyung…” Taehyun pulled a face. “I’m telling you this for your own good. Just… talk to him. You know he won’t—”
“I’ll take my chance. How oblivious can he be, anyway?” Yeonjun cut in.
“Famous last words, hyung,” Taehyun muttered.
I.
Soobin was chopping vegetables while Yeonjun was preparing the meat. They were preparing dinner together for their movie night. Their other three friends were also in the kitchen, (he could hear Taehyun and Beomgyu bickering while Kai was laughing) but he preferred to pretend he was alone with Soobin and that this was their domestic, everyday life.
Soobin was humming a soft melody with his beautiful voice while focusing on the cutting board, and Yeonjun was taking advantage of the opportunity to stare at Soobin's pretty face to his heart's content.
But their peaceful moment was shattered when Soobin cried out in pain. Yeonjun looked at him in panic and noticed his finger was bleeding. Before Soobin could say anything, he took his hand and held it under the faucet to wash the blood away. After the bleeding stopped, he gently pulled Soobin’s hand to his face to examine the wound, concluded it wasn’t serious, and breathed a sigh of relief. He looked at Soobin.
“Are you okay?”
Soobin nodded slightly and avoided his gaze. “It wasn’t that deep. I was just being dramatic, I guess.”
Yeonjun looked at him fondly before murmuring, "Let me kiss it better," and softly pressing his lips to Soobin's finger. His lips tingled. When he heard a light gasp, he raised his head to see Soobin’s reaction.
Soobin was blushing, he could see it clear as day, but there was something in his eyes that he couldn’t read. Yeonjun tried to ignore it. “Do you feel better now?”
Soobin shook his head to collect himself before nodding and smiling. “Thank you, hyung. I remember my mother doing this when I was a kid. I suddenly felt nostalgic."
Yeonjun's smile faded slightly, but he couldn't be mad at Soobin's pretty smile and doe eyes. "I'm glad you're okay."
When he let go of Soobin’s hand and turned around, he was met with his friends’ dumbfounded expressions. The kitchen went silent for a few seconds before Soobin cleared his throat. “Did you set the table, guys?”
If Yeonjun saw Taehyun’s eye-rolling, he chose to ignore it.
II.
“Hyung, no one wants to watch that new anime with me. Can we please watch it together?” Soobin tilted his head and blinked cutely.
They were leaving the library. All Yeonjun wanted to do was throw himself to bed and sleep, but he always had a hard time resisting Soobin’s pretty eyes.
Yeonjun squinted at him. “Didn’t Kai want to watch it, too? He was talking about it just yesterday.”
“He—” Soobin hesitated. Then he sighed and muttered in a dejected voice, “Okay, hyung. I’ll watch it myself. I know you don’t like it, sorry for bothering you.”
Yeonjun felt his heart hurt at Soobin’s sad tone. He didn’t have the heart to reject him. “I didn’t mean it like that. I just thought you would like it better if you watched it with someone more knowledgeable about anime. You know I don’t understand much about them.”
“But I like it better when I’m with you,” Soobin talked softly. He wasn’t looking into Yeonjun’s eyes. “So I thought… we could watch it together. Of course, if you want it as well.”
Yeonjun smiled at his uncertain tone. “Whose house are we going to?”
Soobin raised his head with a joyful expression. His eyes were twinkling with hope. “Really? You’ll watch it with me?”
Yeonjun nodded gently. “I will. Now let’s go, you big baby.”
Soobin’s eye smile was worth every sleepless minute in Yeonjun’s heart.
When they entered Soobin’s (and Beomgyu’s) house, Soobin threw his bag onto the couch and ran toward his room to turn on his laptop. He was like an energetic bunny; Yeonjun laughed at this thought. His heart couldn’t take this much cuteness.
“Come on, hyung!” Soobin called from his bed.
Yeonjun took a deep breath and readied himself. “Coming!”
He hung his jacket on the stand and put his bag on the floor before going into Soobin’s room. It was a little messy as always, but it had its usual faint vanilla smell that Yeonjun loved so much. Yeonjun felt his body relax unconsciously and sat down on the bed next to Soobin.
It seemed like Soobin had already prepared everything, so they started to watch after getting comfortable.
Yeonjun was trying to look at the screen; but to be honest, he wasn’t focusing on the anime, not even a little bit. All he did was listen to Soobin’s comments and pray that Soobin wouldn’t hear his fast heartbeats because his head was right on top of Yeonjun’s chest.
Soobin’s always been a cuddly person. When he felt comfortable with someone, he would slowly wriggle himself into their arms and hug them. Yeonjun should’ve been used to it by now, but his heart wasn’t, and it was a bit dangerous for Yeonjun’s sanity.
Because in those moments, all he wanted to do was hold Soobin tightly and kiss his face everywhere.
But he couldn’t do it, yet. He hoped that he would have permission to do it sometime soon.
Instead of kissing him, he simply held him and put his cheek on top of Soobin’s head. This should be enough for him, having Soobin in his arms, but he couldn’t help but yearn for something more. So he took the chance and tried to say something that would make his affection obvious.
“You know I don’t do that for anybody, right?” When Soobin lazily moved his head with an inquiring expression, he added, “These, watching anime and cuddling and all that. You know I only do that for you, right?”
Soobin buried his head in his chest again. “I... know, hyung. Thank you.”
“Then… Do you also know why I do all of that?” Yeonjun asked with a slight tremble in his chest, hoping that maybe Soobin was finally aware of his feelings.
“Because you took pity on me and don’t want me to feel sad?”
Yeonjun’s hopeful expression faded, giving place to a displeased frown. He felt demoralized by Soobin’s insecure answer. He held him tighter and exhaled deeply. “I do it because I want to make you happy.”
Soobin snuggled into his arms more before tightening his hold around Yeonjun’s waist.
They didn’t talk for another two episodes before both of their eyes got heavy with tiredness.
Soobin nuzzled his neck like a cat and whispered in a sleepy voice, “Thank you, hyung. You are so selfless when it comes to me.”
Yeonjun couldn’t say anything for a few minutes, and when he turned his head to look at Soobin, he saw the younger had fallen asleep.
He buried his nose in Soobin’s hair and inhaled his sweet, heavenly scent.
“I’m not selfless, Binnie. Quite the contrary, I’m so selfish about you,” Yeonjun whispered. “I do it all because I want you in my arms all the time. I do it all because I love you, Soobin-ah.”
He kissed Soobin’s temple gently, then closed his eyes while hugging him.
When Beomgyu came home, he found them sleeping soundly in each other's arms. He slowly put the laptop on the table and covered them with a blanket.
He closed the door and left the room with a knowing smile on his face.
III.
Yeonjun thought he could improve his verbal cues. For example, if someone constantly compliments you, you would think they are interested in you, right?
“I don’t think this is exactly how it works,” Taehyun commented, but Yeonjun ignored it.
“No, you’ll see. Soobin will realize that I adore everything about him, and then we will live happily ever after.”
Taehyun rolled his eyes at that, but Yeonjun was determined. So he started to execute his genius plan.
(“Nobody but you think it’s genius, hyung.”
“Shut up, Taehyun.”)
His first attempt didn’t go as he expected.
When Yeonjun went to Soobin’s home to pick him up to go bowling, he was struck by how gorgeous Soobin looked. Soobin’s blond locks were falling on his forehead in gentle waves, there was a slight blush on the apples of his cheeks, his black turtleneck sweater was accentuating his slim waist, and his tight-fitting pants were making his legs look longer.
Yeonjun pried his eyes from Soobin before he could realize Yeonjun was staring. “We’re going to be late, Binnie,” he said while trying to calm his heart.
“I’m coming!” Soobin replied with an excited face. He took his long, black coat from the stand and looked at Yeonjun with his doe eyes. “Let’s go!”
“After you.”
Soobin started to walk toward the car, and Yeonjun stared at his back in annoyance. He just had to fall in love with the prettiest boy who looked like everyone’s first love, hadn’t he?
He hoped he could enjoy tonight and not waste time staring daggers at whoever caught a glimpse of Soobin.
When they arrived at the bowling alley, Soobin ran to Kai who was waving at them enthusiastically.
“We thought you weren’t going to come!” Beomgyu pouted.
“Sorry, got stuck in the traffic.” Yeonjun grimaced.
“Let’s go in, then,” Taehyun said before walking.
After everyone got their shoes and booked a table, they got divided into two teams and started to play.
Soobin was cheering for everyone and clapping happily. Yeonjun was really glad to see the younger enjoying himself. He also was trying to build up his courage to say something to him.
“Soobin-ah.”
Soobin turned his gaze toward him. “Yes, hyung?”
“You- you look really beautiful today.” Yeonjun was not happy about the stuttering, but he ignored it when he saw Soobin blushing. Trying to take advantage of the situation, he blurted out the first thing that came to his mind. “Where did you get your shoes? I really like them.”
Soobin’s cheerful expression gave way to confusion. “Uh… at the counter?”
Yeonjun looked at him with a confused gaze as well, before looking down and realizing they were wearing bowling shoes. His eyes widened with embarrassment. “No! That’s not—”
“Your turn, Soobinnie hyung!” Kai called out.
Soobin awkwardly got up and gave Yeonjun a faint smile before going toward the balls.
Yeonjun shut his eyes and cursed himself. Taehyun facepalmed.
His second attempt was no better.
He was watching dance videos on youtube when Soobin showed up at his door with a small hedgehog in his hands.
“Hyung, look at him! Isn’t he the cutest?”
No, Yeonjun thought. It was looking prickly, obviously a grumpy little thing. He was honestly kind of scared to touch it, but he couldn’t say that, so he feigned a smile and stepped away from the door.
“Why don’t you come inside, Binnie? It looks uncomfortable like that.”
“It’s him, hyung.” Soobin rolled his eyes jokingly before entering the house.
He closed the door and followed Soobin into the living room. But before he could even sit down, someone knocked on the door. And in less than ten minutes, everyone was on his doorstep. Yeonjun gaped at Soobin.
“Did you just invite everyone to my house?”
Soobin at least looked sheepish when he answered, “I wanted them to see my hedgehog too. I should’ve told you. I’m sorry.”
“Why didn’t you show him to them in your house, then?”
“When I bought him, you were the first person who came to my mind. I wanted you to see him first.”
He seemed embarrassed about it. But all Yeonjun could feel was the warmth in his chest. He thinks about me when he wants to share his happy moments.
“It’s okay, Soobin-ah.” He smiled. “I’m glad you came.”
Everyone was gushing about the small hedgehog. Beomgyu and Kai were competing about who could bond faster with it. Taehyun was listing all the cute names he could think of. (Odi, they decided at the end.) Soobin was petting Odi to make him relax, while all Yeonjun did was watch them with fond eyes.
Odi never left Soobin’s side, despite all their friends’ whining.
Understandable, Yeonjun thought. If he were given the chance, he wouldn’t have left Soobin either. He could empathize with it.
Everyone left one by one after a few hours. Taehyun went to his room after wishing them good night, and Beomgyu said he would leave with Kai to drive him to his dorm.
After seeing them off, he returned to his room only to see Soobin lying on the floor next to Odi, smiling while touching Odi’s nose with his. Yeonjun watched them for a few minutes, then approached them with small steps to not frighten the hedgehog. It tensed at first, but then relaxed and continued to play with Soobin.
“He looks like he warmed up to me,” Yeonjun said as he sat next to them.
“Yeah. I think you are his favorite, even though you didn’t try hard.”
Yeonjun thought it was time to shoot his shot.
“I would be a great dad for Odi, don’t you think?”
He was proud of this one. He thought it was pretty smooth, but when he turned his head to look at Soobin, he met with his pout instead.
“Hyung! Why are you trying to steal my hedgehog? I am his dad. But if you liked him that much, I can show you where I bought him.”
Yeonjun stared at him with blank eyes before looking at the ceiling to avoid his gaze.
“I was just kidding, Binnie.”
Yeonjun wanted to bang his head against the wall.
His last attempt was the reason he gave up on his plan.
When Yeonjun heard Soobin’s distressed voice on the phone, he nearly ran all the way across from home to his place. When the younger man opened the door and let him in, Yeonjun eyed him from head to toe.
His eyes were slightly puffy, and his hair was disheveled, but he was still so beautiful.
As much as he liked to see Soobin dolled up, his favorite version of him was this — bare face, soft hair, and cozy sweaters.
It was for Yeonjun’s eyes only, hidden from the world. Something he held dear to his heart.
The only thing missing was his deep dimples.
It was obvious that Soobin wasn’t looking after himself lately. Yeonjun hadn’t seen him for the past four days; the younger man was skipping their meetings for a project he needed to complete. And it seemed like it was taking a toll on him.
Yeonjun was determined to take care of Soobin and make him rest, even for a little bit.
He lifted the bag he was carrying and shook it in front of Soobin’s eyes.
“I brought soup, the one you always order. Let’s get something in your stomach.”
Soobin’s eyes sparkled. “Thank you, hyung. You’re the best.”
They sat at the small table in the kitchen. There was a comfortable silence before Yeonjun spoke. “How is your project coming along?”
Soobin dropped the spoon into the bowl and rubbed his face. “It’s taking longer than I anticipated. It should’ve been done by now, but I still struggle with some parts.”
There was worry in his eyes, but Yeonjun could see that exhaustion was about to outweigh it.
“I understand that it’s important to you, but I hope you know I won’t let you do anything other than rest tonight.”
Soobin nodded. “That’s why I called you, actually. You’re the only person who can make me stop and let myself go. I worry too much and feel so bad when I’m alone. But when you are with me, I can stop thinking and just relax.”
Yeonjun smiled. “Then finish your meal so we can go to bed.”
Soobin breathed a sigh of relief when his head hit the pillow. Yeonjun followed him and lay down on the left side of the bed. He opened his arms with a small smile and watched Soobin put his head on his chest. After they got comfortable, Yeonjun started to caress Soobin’s hair, knowing how much it calmed him.
He thought Soobin was sleeping when he heard no sound except for their breathing, but his eyes opened wide at the unexpected wetness on his shirt. Yeonjun panicked for a second, before relaxing and tightening his hold. He just waited and let Soobin relieve his distress by crying.
After a few minutes, Soobin sniffled and talked with a quiet, embarrassed voice. “I don’t even know why I’m crying; I couldn’t hold myself. I’m so sorry for always burdening you and making you take care of me.”
Yeonjun furrowed his eyebrows. “Hey, none of that nonsense now. You are never a burden, and I’m happy you trust me to take care of you, Soobin-ah.”
Yeonjun felt Soobin move his head. He pulled his arms back and let Soobin go to the bathroom. He heard the water, and a few seconds later he heard Soobin’s voice.
“I look so ugly right now. My face is all red and my eyes are puffy.”
“You don’t look ugly, stupid,” Yeonjun said as Soobin left the bathroom and lay down in his previous position. He chuckled. “You know, Soobin and pretty rhyme for a reason.”
Soobin started giggling; with his eyes closed, nose scrunched, pretty dimples and bunny teeth on full display.
“What are you talking about? They don’t rhyme, silly hyung!”
Yeonjun couldn’t even feel sorry for Soobin’s oblivious answer. He missed his laugh so much that all he felt was contentment.
IV.
“I think I need to go for more physical contact.”
Taehyun looked at Yeonjun with horrified eyes. “How much more physical contact do you need? You already cuddle with each other at every chance!”
“Stop thinking stupid things, Kang Taehyun. I can hear your thoughts from here.” Yeonjun scowled before continuing to talk eagerly. “But that’s the thing! We just cuddle; he does that with you too. Did you know that I never held his hand for more than ten seconds? Unbelievable! Unacceptable! This needs to change.”
“Do you really think Soobin hyung would think handholding is romantic when he hugs you every second?”
“He will,” Yeonjun said. “I will make sure that it feels different from our normal routine.”
Yeonjun looked around impatiently, searching for a certain tall, blond man. He was about to call Soobin when he jumped because of a loud voice behind his ear.
“Hi, hyung!”
Yeonjun stared at Soobin with wide eyes; his hand was holding his chest.
“You scared me, idiot!”
Soobin laughed apologetically. “Sorry, I didn’t think you would be scared.”
“It’s okay.” Yeonjun tried to play cool. Then he changed the subject. “I’m starving, I waited for you to order. What do you want to eat?”
Soobin scanned the menu. “I don’t know. I’ll just take whatever you order.”
Yeonjun nodded and called to the server.
After eating and talking, they left the restaurant to take a walk near the river. It was a calm and peaceful night. There weren’t many people outside, and the weather was warm enough to let them take off their jackets.
They walked side by side in silence when Yeonjun looked down. “Is there something on your hand?”
Soobin lifted his hand and stared at it. “I don’t see anything, hyung.”
“Let me take a look,” Yeonjun said while grabbing Soobin’s hand. After wiping away the nonexistent dirt, he nodded to himself. “There, now it’s gone.”
But he didn’t let go of Soobin’s hand. He interlocked their fingers and started to walk like nothing had happened.
He smiled to himself. He was giddy with the feeling of Soobin’s hand in his. Soobin’s long fingers and large palm fit perfectly with his smaller ones. He never wanted to let go.
He could feel Soobin’s stare on him, but he acted like he wasn’t aware of it and focused on the river. “This night feels soothing, doesn’t it?”
It was silent for a few seconds, then he heard Soobin’s low voice. “Yeah, it’s really pretty.”
Soobin cleared his throat and slowly pulled his hand away.
Yeonjun turned his gaze toward him. Soobin gave him a half smile. “It’s really hot tonight and your hand is warm, hyung.”
Yeonjun looked down in disappointment.
V.
“He’s driving me crazy, Taehyun,” Yeonjun hiccuped as he mumbled. “How can he ignore all of my attempts, just like that!”
“I don’t want to say, ‘I told you', but I told you, hyung,” Taehyun replied as he filled his own glass. “I still don’t understand why you don’t confess to him. Why are you so scared?”
“It’s not that easy, Taehyun-ah. What if I lose him? How can I live with myself knowing that I ruined the best thing in my life, then?”
“I don’t think he will reject you, hyung.” Taehyun sighed. “Even if he did, you would never lose him. You know pretty well that he loves you more than anyone.”
“I know. Still, it doesn’t change the fact that I can’t risk ruining this. You don’t understand.”
“No, I don’t. Both of you clearly love each other. Your stupidity makes my brain hurt, hyung.”
“Don’t give me false hopes, Taehyun-ah.” Yeonjun frowned. He was looking at his empty glass with a blank gaze as if his mind was somewhere else.
He’s drunk, Taehyun thought. He took Yeonjun’s glass away from him before Yeonjun could refill it.
Yeonjun stared at him with an angry gaze, but Taehyun ignored it. “Let’s get you to bed. That’s enough for today. We have classes tomorrow.”
He got up and held Yeonjun’s arm to help him. Yeonjun wobbled a little before he could stand on his own.
When Taehyun tucked Yeonjun in, he asked with a worried tone, “I need to go to Kai’s dorm. I promised him to help with his essay. Are you sure you’ll be okay?”
“Just go already,” Yeonjun mumbled. “I’m okay.”
“Good night then, hyung.” Taehyun checked on him one last time before closing the door and leaving him alone.
Yeonjun tried to sleep. He turned left and right, tried to sleep on his back, and lay face down; but nothing worked.
He sat on his bed with an angry huff and took out his phone to check the time.
When he unlocked his phone, he couldn’t help but look at his chat with Soobin. The last time they talked was seven hours ago when Taehyun came home and they started to drink.
He absentmindedly clicked Soobin’s profile picture and stared at it. Soobin was looking at the camera with a piercing gaze.
Yeonjun suddenly felt hot. It was not the first time he felt this way. He always felt attracted to Soobin, and it wasn’t just emotional. Yeonjun knew he was getting horny when suddenly something clicked in his mind.
It was getting pretty late, but Soobin was a night owl, anyway. If he called him and invited him over…
He decided he needed to be bold and shameless. If it didn’t work out, he could always say he was drunk. (If he was sober, he would probably beat himself for doing something like this, but his drunk mind didn’t care about anything except Soobin.)
He tapped on Soobin’s number and waited for him to answer. It didn’t take long before he heard Soobin’s voice.
“Hyung? It’s pretty late, is everything okay?” His rough and deep voice was doing things to Yeonjun. He bit his lower lip and tried to talk in a sultry voice.
“Soobin-ah, I just wanted to have a good night, but my vibrator’s batteries ran out. And then I thought, maybe you could help me?”
He heard a choking sound and coughing before Soobin answered.
“Yeah, hyung. Sure. I can come in ten minutes if that’s okay with you.”
Yeonjun sat bolt upright. He couldn’t believe this, was it that easy?
“Wait, will you really come?”
“Of course, but I need to go to the market first. I’ll call you when I get there.” He hung up the phone.
Yeonjun looked at the screen with wide eyes before running to the bathroom to fix himself.
These ten minutes were torture for him. He was so excited that he couldn’t sit still. He kept checking his phone every five seconds before it finally rang.
“Hi! Are you here?”
“Yeah, open the door.”
Yeonjun didn’t remember how he ran to the door. When he opened it with an excited smile, he saw Soobin in his grey sweatpants and black shirt, holding a small bag.
Soobin lifted the bag with a smile and shook it.
“I brought the batteries! I didn’t know which one you needed, so I bought a pair of each type.”
Yeonjun stared at him with blank eyes.
“What?”
“What?”
Soobin stared back with a confused gaze.
Yeonjun shook his head and took the small bag from Soobin’s hand.
“Thank you. I troubled you at this hour.”
“It’s okay. Have fun… I guess,” Soobin replied. He was getting as red as a beet.
Yeonjun nodded before closing the door. He heard Soobin’s footsteps getting fainter and then looked at the bag he held.
He didn’t know how he could fall in love with someone this stupid. It had to be a joke.
He threw the bag to the floor and screamed.
VI.
“I think I would say yes if a literature student asked me out,” Yeonjun said. He didn’t know why he was even trying at this point.
They were sitting in a cafe. They were supposed to study together, but Yeonjun was just watching Soobin with his head in his palm.
He still couldn’t get over the fiasco that had happened a week ago. He was still thinking about it, and it was driving him crazy.
“Really?” Soobin furrowed his eyebrows.
“Yeah. Also, he needs to be a man.”
“I know you’re gay, hyung,” Soobin muttered. Yeonjun waited for something more, but it didn’t come.
“He should have blond hair.”
“There are a few blonde guys I know.”
“I prefer someone younger than me.”
“I can search for you if you want, hyung.”
“He also has to be taller than me.”
“I don’t know anyone taller than—”
“Soobin-ah.” Yeonjun stared at Soobin with an unreadable look on his face. He was out of patience.
“Yes, hyung?” Soobin looked at him with an innocent gaze.
“I’m talking about you.”
“Oh.”
Oh, indeed. Even Yeonjun didn’t expect to say it like this, he froze at his unexpected confession. Soobin was looking at him like a rabbit caught in the headlights.
Yeonjun avoided his gaze and looked down. “Say something, please.”
Soobin didn’t know how to react. “Hyung, I—”
“Did you really… not notice it? How I was flirting with you this whole time? Or did you just… ignore it?”
Soobin looked at him with sad eyes. “If I need to be honest… I noticed some things.”
“I see.” This hurt more than Yeonjun expected. What was he expecting, Soobin running to his arms? “I’m sorry I overstepped my limit, then. It must be uncomfortable for you. I went too far.”
He stood up from his chair to leave the cafe. He didn’t think he could stay there. His eyes were already burning from holding back his tears.
“No!” Soobin held his wrist. His eyes were wide with panic. Yeonjun couldn’t understand why Soobin didn’t let him go. Was this fun for him?
“Look, I already said sorry. Please let me go before I feel more humiliated.”
“No, hyung. I won’t let you go. You didn’t let me finish.”
Yeonjun sighed in distress. So he was about to get lectured. He reluctantly sat down, ready to bolt at any moment. Even if he didn’t want to stay, he at least owed Soobin that much for making him uncomfortable all this time.
When he stole a glance at Soobin, Yeonjun saw him playing with his fingers nervously. He felt bad for burdening his friend with his feelings.
“Soobin, you don’t have to say anything. I understand—”
“I ignored it because I didn’t want to get my hopes up,” Soobin blurted out.
Yeonjun stopped in his tracks; he didn’t understand.
“What are you talking about, bun?” Yeonjun asked in a soft voice as if he didn’t want to scare a cornered animal. Instead of Yeonjun, it was now Soobin who looked like he was ready to run.
“I… I loved you for so long, you know?” Yeonjun’s eyes widened. “But I never expected you to reciprocate my love. It was a distant dream. So when you started to flirt with me, I thought it wasn’t serious and you were just playing around. I made myself believe it wasn’t real.”
Soobin’s cheeks were heating from embarrassment, and Yeonjun felt sad.
“Why… Why would you think that? Do you see me as someone who would play with your feelings?”
Soobin immediately turned his gaze to him in panic. “No! No, of course not, hyung. It wasn’t about you, I just…” He took a deep breath. “It’s because you are you; confident, kind, selfless, everything I want to be, and more. And I’m just… me.” He shrugged softly. “Why would someone like you want to be with someone like me?”
Yeonjun’s heart broke. But he also felt angry. How could Soobin talk about himself like that?
“If by ‘me’, you mean beautiful, smart, gentle, considerate, hardworking, caring—”
“Hyung, stop!” Soobin hid his face shyly behind his hands.
Yeonjun reached out and took Soobin’s hands in his. Soobin’s face was so red, he didn’t look at Yeonjun at all.
Yeonjun caressed the back of Soobin’s hand with his thumb. “Soobin-ah, I love you,” he muttered in a soft voice, finally confessing after all these years. He stared Soobin in the eyes. “And you are everything I want. You are enough. I love all of you with my whole heart. So please, don’t talk about yourself like that.”
Soobin nodded, and said, “I love you too, hyung. You don’t know how happy I am right now. Even when I was hopeless, a part of my heart always yearned for those words.”
Yeonjun regretted he decided to flirt blindly instead of just talking with Soobin. But at least everything worked out, and they were together now. Yeonjun couldn’t ask for more.
“I’ll make it up to you by saying this every day that you’ll get sick of me.”
Soobin laughed with his beautiful voice. “Never, hyung.”
Yeonjun looked at him with a lovesick gaze, before asking, “So… Would you like to go on a date with me?”
Soobin gave him a dimpled smile and squeezed his hand. “I would love to.”
(“I can’t believe you were right.”
“I don’t want to say ‘I told you’, but—”
“Shut up, Taehyun.”)