Work Text:
With cautious steps, Haknyeon gingerly tiptoes into the dark studio. Sunwoo is oblivious to his entrance, engrossed in his computer. Haknyeon quietly sets the candles alight, shielding the flames with his hand before switching on the overhead lights.
“Happy birthday to you, Happy birthday to you!”
Sunwoo jumps and spins around in his chair. His startled expression breaks into a huge grin upon seeing who it is.
“Happy birthday to my Sunwooiee,” Haknyeon belts at the top of his lungs, dancing over to Sunwoo. “Happy birthday to you!”
“Hyung.” Sunwoo laughs. “When did you prepare this?” He glances at his watch. “I hadn’t even realised that it was my birthday already.”
“Because you’re so obsessed with your work.” Haknyeon wrinkles his nose. Sunwoo’s desk is a chaotic mess — discarded ramen cups and crumpled sweet wrappers scattered amidst his keyboard and microphone. His guitar rests against his desk, strings frayed from diligent use.
“It’s your birthday so just take a break for once!” Haknyeon presents the cake to Sunwoo. “Here. Make a wish.”
Sunwoo’s eyes flit up to look at Haknyeon, a tender smile gracing his lips. “You’re so cute.” He murmurs, pinching Haknyeon’s cheek. Haknyeon yelps, squirming away. “Hurry! Make your wish! The candle is going to go out.”
“Okay! Okay,” Sunwoo replies, clasps his hands together and squeezing his eyes shut. A moment of silence ensues as the flames flicker serenely. Sunwoo silently mouths his wish, bringing his hands to his heart for good measure before blowing the candles out in one strong puff of air.
Haknyeon cheers and finds a spot on the cluttered table to place the cake. “So? What did you wish for?”
Sunwoo sidles up behind Haknyeon, resting his chin on his shoulder. “I asked for another wish.”
Haknyeon bursts into laughter. “You can’t do that!”
“Why not? There’s no rule that says you can’t.”
“But there is! They always say that you can’t wish for another wish.”
“Well they’ll make an exception for me because I’m Kim Sunwoo.”
Haknyeon giggles. “It doesn’t work like that but fine. What were your two wishes?”
“Number one — I’ll become a world famous rockstar.” It’s Sunwoo’s answer every year, still filled with the same pure excitement and hope. And every year, when Haknyeon’s own birthday arrives, he always wishes for Sunwoo’s dream to come true.
“What about number two?”
“Number two…” Haknyeon gasps as he’s suddenly spun around, meeting Sunwoo’s lips. Sunwoo cups the back of his head, holding him as close as he can, as if he doesn’t want even an inch of space between them. Haknyeon clutches onto Sunwoo’s arm, eyes fluttering shut as he melts into the kiss.
“Number two,” Sunwoo rasps against Haknyeon’s mouth when they break apart for air, “is that I never lose you.”
His words make Haknyeon’s heart shake. “You’ll never lose me.” Haknyeon whispers, tracing the tip of his finger along Sunwoo’s cheek.
There’s a look that Sunwoo gives him, a gaze that’s impossibly soft and intense. Their friends and family love to tease him about it. “There, there, there. There he goes again, that look on his face.” “What look?” “Like you’re his entire world.”
Right now, Sunwoo is giving him that look. Desperately, he pulls Haknyeon back in, devouring him like he can’t get enough.
They stumble back, with Haknyeon’s lower back hitting the desk. Sunwoo blindly sweeps the things off his desk, creating space to place Haknyeon on top of it.
However, a loud ‘splat’ makes the both of them jerk apart.
“Oh my god Sunwoo! The cake!”
The cake had slipped off the desk and now lies as a heap of yellow mush on the floor.
“Oh my god. Stay right here. I’ll go buy a new one.”
“It’s fine hyung.” Sunwoo grins, hoisting Haknyeon off the desk and placing him on the floor. “I have my dessert right here.”
He crawls on top of Haknyeon and Haknyeon laughs, pulling him in.
__________
Memories can be so cruel. They remind you of a person who’s no longer here anymore.
Thick tears well up in Haknyeon’s eyes. His hands shake so badly that he can barely hold the cake steady anymore.
The man extracts himself from Sunwoo’s lap and grabs his clothes before scurrying out the door. Sunwoo rolls his eyes, adjusting his boxers before he heaves himself off of the bed. He swipes a cigarette from his nightstand and lights it, pressing it to his lips. He doesn’t even look at Haknyeon when he speaks. “You didn’t tell me you were coming.”
Haknyeon’s shaking finally gives way. The cake slips out of his hands and lands on the floor with a splat .
Sunwoo’s head snaps over. “What the hell Haknyeon?” He barks, surging to his feet. “Why are you making a mess here? Now I have to call someone to clean this shit up.”
“I flew out 13 hours to come see you, to celebrate your birthday with you, and you’re cheating on me?” Haknyeon breathes out, indescribable hurt cracking his voice.
“ God , we didn’t even do anything we were just messing around.” Sunwoo storms over to the phone, dialing room service. “Stop being so dramatic.”
Haknyeon trembles, ears ringing. The truth is, he already knew that they were on the road to crash and burn, but a foolish part of him had hoped that he could save it.
At 22 years old, Sunwoo finally got his big break. A song he’d released unexpectedly went viral, earning him a record deal. Sunwoo had sprinted all the way to Haknyeon’s house the second he got the news, showing up on Haknyeon’s doorstep drenched in sweat but with the biggest smile Haknyeon has ever seen him have. He was catapulted straight into the celebrity life right after that — press conferences, television appearances, world tours. At the beginning he still called Haknyeon everyday, telling him every detail about his new life. Haknyeon would get emotional just listening to him, swelling with so much pride.
So now what’s going to happen to the two of you? Many people asked Haknyeon this question and Haknyeon would be confused. What do you mean? He was naive. He thought that Sunwoo’s fame wouldn’t come between them. In fact, he thought nothing would come between them.
However, as time passed, Sunwoo’s calls became more and more scarce. Even when he did call, all he talked about was how tired he was. His voice had lost its sparkle, just sounding begrudging. One night they argued and Sunwoo exploded at Haknyeon. Do you know that it’s such a chore to call you?
At the time, Haknyeon felt bad. I’m sorry. Just call me when you’re free. I just want to know how you’re doing. Haknyeon knows Sunwoo has an insanely packed schedule, but after that he went two months without a single call from Sunwoo.
The day it came, it was an invite from Sunwoo. We’re having a party to celebrate my debut album. I want you to come. I’ll pay for your ticket. I’m sorry for everything. I really miss you.
Haknyeon took leave from work and flew over on a first class ticket. Sunwoo’s assistant picked him from the airport and ferried him to the hotel Sunwoo was residing at. Hotels were now Sunwoo’s home, not the small apartment they used to cuddle in back in Seongnam. When Haknyeon reached Sunwoo’s room, he was immediately engulfed in a tight hug. I missed you. I missed you so much .
The time in Sunwoo’s room was perfect. It was just the two of them, entangled in the sheets, sharing languid kisses and soft touches. Sunwoo had lost all the fat in his cheek and stomach. Diet . There’s an IV drip next to his bed. What’s that for? It’s nothing. It’s just to make sure I’m healthy. The circles under Sunwoo’s eyes are frighteningly dark but he still smiled at Haknyeon, listening to every word he had to say.
But then they went to the party and Haknyeon was separated from Sunwoo within seconds. He was whisked away to meet everyone. Haknyeon, not knowing a single person in the room, tucked himself in a corner and awkwardly sipped on champagne. And it was like that the entire night, and as Haknyeon watched Sunwoo laugh with the rest of the glamorous celebrities, he realised that Sunwoo hasn’t even noticed that he is not by his side. Quietly, he left the party.
Another fight ensued.
Of course I was going to be busy, this is literally the launch of my debut album!
So what? You could have at least kept me by your side!
I didn’t mean to it was just so busy and everyone there was important so I had to greet all of them
Am I not someone important?
Haknyeon booked an early flight home. They went months without contact again until Sunwoo sent him another flight ticket.
It went on like this. Sometimes it was good. Sunwoo would bring Haknyeon to his concerts and fuck him backstage. They would order dinner to the hotel room and talk all night over bottles of wine. Sunwoo would kiss him goodbye when it’s time to leave and whisper in Haknyeon’s ear that he loves him more than anything.
But sometimes it was bad. Sunwoo would cancel on him for parties he insisted he has to attend. He called them networking but Haknyeon called them excuses . Or Sunwoo would be exhausted and take it out on Haknyeon. Or there would have been a controversy about him on the internet and he would cope by getting high or drunk and Haknyeon would have to deal with the mess that he became.
And then they would fight, belongings flung across the room and furious screams that swore on a break up, ending with Haknyeon storming out with his suitcase and slamming the door.
Soon enough, this sometimes became most of the time, and then eventually – all the time.
Maybe it’s time to let go. His mother told him while he was sobbing in his room for what felt like the millionth time. It was the obvious answer but Haknyeon couldn’t wrap his head around it. He and Sunwoo. They were special. They had something no one else had. They were supposed to be together forever.
But perhaps everything is fleeting. Perhaps we only meet to grow apart. Perhaps to love is to let go.
“I’m nothing but a burden to you right?” Haknyeon asks, voice thick and heavy. Sunwoo glances at Haknyeon over his shoulder.
“Don’t start with me agai—”
“I’m not starting anything with you. I’m ending it.”
Sunwoo stops and stares at Haknyeon, almost confused. Haknyeon wipes his tears with a sniffle, smiling sadly to himself. “This should be a relief to you. You won’t have to deal with me anymore.”
Haknyeon tugs off the ring on his finger, placing it on Sunwoo’s bed. It’s a promise ring that Sunwoo got him on their first anniversary, a promise that they’ll get married . Sunwoo is still wearing his on a chain around his neck. What a big joke.
Haknyeon takes a deep breath, trying to steady himself as he looks at Sunwoo one last time.“I just hope all of this makes you happy.”
Sunwoo is rigid in place, unmoving. Haknyeon waits, waits for him to say something but nothing comes. Eventually, he bites his lip, swallowing back the choked feeling in his throat and walks to the door.
He opens it, but a palm shoots out from behind, slamming it close. Sunwoo clenches his hand into a fist, breathing heavily.
“Go back and sit down.” His tone is strict but his voice shakes.
Haknyeon doesn’t turn around, staring at the door in dead silence.
“Okay fine. I’m sorry about the cake. I’ll ask my assistant to go get a new one, okay?”
“Sunwoo. Let go of the door.”
“That guy was just some random whore!” Sunwoo explodes into a shout. “It didn’t mean anything I don’t fucking care about him!”
Haknyeon can only shake his head in response, reaching for the door knob again. In an instant, Sunwoo is flipping him around and shoving him against the door, slamming his lips onto his.
Haknyeon is too familiar with this. Sunwoo’s aggression, biting his lip until it bleeds, pinning his wrists by his head so that he can’t move. Haknyeon used to fight back, kicking and struggling against Sunwoo.
But now he just remains perfectly still.
Sunwoo kisses Haknyeon harder. He grips his neck and squeezes his waist, trying to elicit a reaction but Haknyeon is limp in his hold. Sunwoo tries, he continues to try but eventually he comes to a halt, breaking apart from Haknyeon in slow disbelief.
Haknyeon rests the back of his head against the door, gazing up at Sunwoo. He’s so tired.
“Let go of me Sunwoo.”
Sunwoo only grips him tighter. His red and angry eyes start to water with tears.
And he has that look on his face.
It’s funny. We love someone the most when we’re about to lose them.
For a moment, Haknyeon is back in Sunwoo’s old studio, celebrating his 20th birthday with him. Sunwoo glows beneath the candlelights that flicker in the dark and he’s not a world famous rockstar Kim Sunwoo, he’s just a boy from Seongnam who drinks juice like it’s water and uses a broom as a microphone to serenade ahjummas that walk past his house, who tears up when he eats tteokbokki because it’s too spicy and gets his ear pinched by his mother for the mess in his room, who lies in Haknyeon’s bed and plays with his hair and blushes furiously when Haknyeon kisses the tip of his nose.
For a moment he’s just Haknyeon’s Sunwoo.
Haknyeon tiptoes, gently pressing his lips onto Sunwoo’s own. He holds it there without moving, trying to contain the sob trembling in his throat. Sunwoo quivers underneath him, and soon enough Haknyeon feels Sunwoo’s hot tears on his cheek.
“I told you.” Haknyeon whispers.
“It doesn’t work when you wish for a second wish.”
Haknyeon steps back and this time Sunwoo lets him go, hands falling limply to his side.
That day, Haknyeon walked out and left Sunwoo.
And this time, he never came back.
_____
Epilogue
“Kim Sunwoo is back with a brand new album! Fans have been anticipating this comeback after the singer took a sudden hiatus in September last year, citing personal issues as the reason. While rock may not be for everyone, the album’s themes of regret and heartbreak have resonated with many worldwide. Titled ‘Second Wishes’, the album has gone number one in 78 countries with 2 million sales……”
Haknyeon switches off the radio, driving the rest of his way back home in silence. He hauls the groceries from his car, trudging back to his apartment. He sees a delivery man waiting in front of his door.
“Can I help you?”
“Unit 9-3 right?” Haknyeon nods. The delivery man hands him a package. “This came for you.”
“But I didn’t order anything…” Haknyeon looks back and forth between the delivery man and the package in confusion.
“You’re Ju Haknyeon right?” The delivery man points to a label on the package where, sure enough, Haknyeon’s name is printed in ink.
“Uh…that would be me.” Haknyeon hesitantly receives the package, inspecting all four sides. What is this?
Inside his apartment, Haknyeon immediately sits down on his couch and rips the package open.
His breath hitches, hands freezing mid motion.
Sunwoo’s album sits in the box, along with a card. With shaking hands, Haknyeon picks up the card, unfolding it.
i’m sorry.
Haknyeon clutches the card, vision growing blurry with his tears.
He places the CD into his console, presses start, and in Haknyeon’s empty apartment, the first note of Sunwoo’s voice plays.