Work Text:
Professor Zhongli, oh professor Zhongli…
Ajax turned to the window and stared out of the classroom. The lecture, that Ms. Nahida was giving about creative writing and metaphors, drifting to the distant sea of Port Ormos. A tall and slender figure walked along the path of the Akademiya towards the exit. His long hair was braided today, tied off at the end with a golden hair tie and swayed left and right as he walked. His hand was holding a bag. As he stared at the back of the man, Ajax felt a sharp pain in his chest. A pain unlike that he got from his combat class, nor was it like when he was having a random panic attack. This was a different kind of pain. It was like someone was tugging playfully at his heart strings, strong enough to hurt but not enough to severe them. ‘The pain of unrequited love’ as a certain someone called it. Speaking of which, that certain someone was nudging him a little,
“Pay attention, this part will come up in the exam.” It was ‘Hat Guy’. Hat Guy was called Hat Guy because no one actually knew what his name was. He always wore a hat, or whatever variety of it. Rumor had it that he transferred here from Inzuma because he was involved in a big accident and got expelled. But that was just a rumor, if he was really a trouble maker, Ms. Nahida, aka, the Sage, wouldn’t accept him into the Akademiya, let alone assigning him as her TA.
“Okay, thank you.” Ajax muttered under his breath and attempted to listen. It was futile though. His brain was full of a certain someone’s face and the recent news he heard about it.
‘Professor Zhongli is actually married, his wife is a Liyuen beauty.’
When Ms. Nahida’s class ended, everyone dispersed one by one. Hat Guy went up to her table and whispered a few words to her. She nodded and gave him some sheets before he disappeared through the door. Ajax didn’t feel so good, he groggily packed his bag and dragged himself across the room to leave. However, he was stopped when he was in front of the podium.
“Ajax,” Ms. Nahida called for him, her voice was soft like a feather.
“Yes? How can I help?”
Ms. Nahida stood still on the podium, her green eyes glowed a little when she looked at him. Ajax believed that her eyes did that whenever she was curious or when she was about to passionately talk about something.
“I see that you have been absent-minded. Are you feeling alright?”
Ajax shifted in his spot, one hand caressing the back of his head warily. “I haven’t been feeling well. I’m sorry, I won’t do it again.”
Looking straight at him, still with the same look in her eyes, Ms. Nahida shook her head gently. “No no Ajax, I don’t mind if you do poorly in my class, it is only an elective. What I’m worried about is your mental wellbeing. A student away from home, is like a small bird that got separated from its mother. Helplessness is inevitable. It is important to take care of your physical health and mental health. Have you had any major setbacks recently?”
He did. He sure did!
“N…no, I don’t think so…” Ajax tried to fake a smile, but he could only feel his face contorting weirdly. Maybe he shouldn’t have, because now she looked like she saw right through him. Fuck.
“Ajax, I may not know what you are going through, and I may not be the best person to seek advice from. I am after all…very inexperienced at some aspects of life. However, I want to encourage you to be brave and daring. The reflection on the water at night might be showing you a pale, full moon that you think you will never be able to reach, because it was just a reflection. However, you cannot rule out the possibility that the moon reflection could very well be a brilliant Sango pearl or a strong dragon egg, just resting beneath the surface of the water. We do not have Sango pearls nor dragon eggs here in Sumeru, but you understand what I am trying to say, right?”
Ms. Nahida offered him an earnest smile and Ajax could only laugh at her ridiculously long metaphor. He nodded and reassured her, “I understand, thank you Ms.”
“Good. Now off you go. And if you ever need help, I am always available.”
That evening, Ajax went to Lambad’s tavern. He brought a kamera with him and some blank paper. Ajax was used to eating alone, whether in the cafeteria or at restaurants. He had little friends, except for Hat Guy, who would scold him from time to time and reminded him to pay attention in Ms. Nahida’s class. He grabbed a seat in the corner, the tavern was dimly lit with live music and bustling atmosphere. Somewhere across the room, there was a big table of several people - the Scribe, the Architect, the General Mahamatra, the famous Botanist and his apprentice.
In a different corner, Ajax could see Layla dozing off and Hat Guy was actually sitting with her. They had some papers on the table; they must be doing group assignments.
Ajax ordered a drink - he missed Fire Water. He propped up his kamera and snapped a few pictures of the tavern and of himself. He will get that developed tomorrow. He pushed his drink to the side and began writing his letter home.
One page,
Two pages,
Three pages,
Ajax lost count of the pages and of the bottle of wine he had drank. His wrist was sore from writing. His fingers were stained with ink, messy like a little kid on his first day in writing class. Before he knew it, the tavern was about to close. Hat Guy and Layla were gone since who knows when. The attendant came over to him and said a few words but he didn’t quite catch them. What was he saying? His ears were ringing too much to hear it.
Ajax kept shaking his head to clear it, it didn’t work. It only made his headache worse. His fingers ran through his fiery amber hair in an attempt to cool down and sober up. He swore he usually was a good drinker. But perhaps the emotional hit of having an unrequited love on one of his professors was too strong.
In his blurry vision, Ajax saw a figure cloaked in black approaching. He couldn’t see the person’s face, the person was still a bit far away. As he dropped to the tabletop, a hand quickly got a hold of his head so it didn’t hit the wood. Another hand gently smoothed down his hair and Ajax thought he could smell a familiar scent.
It was the third hour of the morning when he woke up in an unfamiliar bed. Ajax jolted out at first, he stood in the middle of the old room like a cat caught stealing fish. The hair on his arms stood on end from the cold breeze. That was when he heard a chuckle and a familiar voice, “Did I catch you stealing something?”
Ajax turned around, still not straightened up, and his eyes landed on a casually-dressed Zhongli. The Zhongli.
“P-professor? What are you doing here? What am I doing here? Wait-what? I…”
Zhongli smiled and walked over to him. The man grabbed him by the shoulder and sat him down on the bed, he swiftly pulled a cloak from a chair nearby and draped it over Ajax. The material was heavy and warm. Inhaling the scent of the cloak made his heart skip a beat. It actually skipped a beat.
“I found you at Lambad’s. What were you thinking? Drinking so much by yourself and getting wasted like that? Your exam period is in 2 weeks Ajax.”
Third, that was the third time he ever called Ajax by his name. The first time was during the beginning of this semester when he took the first ever class attendance. The second time was when he pointed out students that needed to pay extra attention because the mid-semester quiz results weren’t promising. Ajax did not know starting from when, but when Zhongli never called his name anymore, he felt sad. Whenever he raised his hand, Zhongli would only address him as ‘this student’ or ‘this gentleman’. Zhongli also never took attendance himself after the first class. He asked his TA to do it.
In total, this was the third time.
Ajax knew it was the bare minimum but he was happy.
Seeing that Ajax just stared at him, Zhongli sighed. Ajax couldn’t tell what the meaning was though.
“It’s only the third hour right now. Get some more sleep, at seven, I will get someone to bring you back to Sumeru city with a Sumpter Beast.”
Ajax furrowed his brows, “Wait, Sumeru city? Where are we right now then?”
“Vimara village…?”
Ajax was even more confused now, “Huh? Why did you take me here? No wait, why here?”
Zhongli cracked a smile once again, he looked good when he smiled. He actually looked a lot younger and softer. Maybe the 15 years age gap wasn’t that bad…?
“This is my residence, Ajax. I live here. I did not know where you live, and you also could not answer me when I asked, so I brought you here because it’s the safest place you can be. Right, I packed up your paper and kamera in a bag on that table.”
Ajax couldn’t care less about a kamera or letters. He could always buy a new one and write new letters. What he cared about was Zhongli. The man was standing in front of him in all of his glory. Laid back white Liyuen robe, lose hair and soft eyes. Ajax needed to know.
“Oh no, did I disturb you and your family?”
Now it was Zhongli’s turn to furrow his brows, “Family? I live by myself here. It’s peaceful and I feel a lot more at home in Vimara. The water in the creek below also reminds me of Liyue’s port.”
Ajax couldn’t help but smile. He did not have a wife.
“Why are you smiling?” Zhongli asked.
“Nothing. I just…I feel relief knowing that you’re also missing home, like I do. If you didn’t know, I came from Snezhnaya!”
Zhongli stared down at him with a meaningful gaze. The man’s eyes were a brilliant color of amber and gold mixture. From where he sat, Ajax felt like he was gazing up at the moon, but the moon no longer felt as far away now. Without a warning, Zhongli suddenly put his hand on Ajax’s hair. It felt electrifying. Ajax felt the goosebumps coming up again, this time it wasn’t only on his arms. His whole body, his spine!
“Ajax?” Zhongli called.
“Yes?” Ajax did not let go of the eye contacts. He wanted to be brave.
The older man took a deep breath, his gaze fluttered for a brief second, “How old are you this year?”
“Twenty-two, turning twenty-three.”
The hand patted his head twice and left. Zhongli stepped away from the bed and offered him a small smile that did not reach his eyes, “Go to bed. I will ask them to take you back at seven. Good night Ajax.”
Zhongli disappeared.
Ajax did not see him again in the morning. The village head mentioned that he did not know where the Liyuen professor went. Ajax rode the beast back to the city and went back to his dorm. The first thing he heard in the hallway was “You look even more dead than yesterday” from Hat Guy.
Ajax did not feel like responding. He went straight into his room, ignoring his roommate and slept the morning away.
Ajax attended the afternoon class, but skipped out on World History for the first time. Instead, he went to sit in the House of Daena. He randomly picked a book from the shelf, opened it and buried his face in it. People came and went. Ajax soon found himself wasting his day away just like that.
Weekend rolled around and that incentivized him to sleep all day. His roommate went back to Aaru village so he had the room all to himself. When he felt hungry, he just drank water and returned to his safe cocoon.
The weekend soon passed just like that, and class began again.
For archon sake, he walked into World History without even knowing. He shouldn’t have come in at all if it weren’t for his stupid legs. Ajax was only at the door, he could turn around and leave right now. The thought of Zhongli backing away from him that night haunted him and made him feel insignificant. He did not want to face him. How did Ajax even get to this point? How dare he, a student, harbor feelings over his professor?! If people know, he might get expelled and Zhongli’s career might be impacted. This was too foolish, too stupid, too-
“Excuse me?” Someone was tapping his back lightly, “I’m sorry I need to get through.”
He didn’t realize he was blocking the door. Ajax apologized and tried to back away but he saw the professor approaching the class at a fast speed. The only way out was to go in.
Ajax ended up sitting in a random spot in this lecture hall, trying to ignore the buzzing sound of his head and the overthinking.
He felt that his head was a little heavy. It wouldn’t hurt to take a quick nap right?
.
.
.
“Thank you doctor, I will remind him to pay more attention to his diet and health.”
.
.
.
“Senior you- did you not know how detrimental an action like that could pose? He is homesick and — I cannot belie— what were — thinking?”
.
.
.
Ajax opened his eyes and he was inside the infirmary. A faint glow of the street lights could be seen from the window. There was a faint orange hue in the sky, which must have been left by the recent setting sun. He must have fainted. He admitted that he knew his condition wasn’t at its best. He did not know that he would faint thought, so that wasn’t entirely on him.
By his side was a sleeping figure. They were sleeping on the edge of his patient bed on their curled up arms.
The hair felt smooth, Ajax was touching it.
Perhaps that felt ticklish as his action seemed to have awakened the person.
“You’re awake?” Zhongli asked him.
Ajax let out a hum as a response. He did not feel like talking to Zhongli.
“Would you like some water?”
Ajax didn’t reply.
Zhongli turned to the side table and proceeded to pour out some water, “You will have some water. The doctor said you fainted because you were too weak. What did you do on the weekend? How could you become this thin only after a few days?”
He put the cup near Ajax’s lips, Ajax could feel the heat radiating from Zhongli’s fingers. He pliantly leaned down to take a sip. When a droplet made its way out of Ajax’s lips and rolled down his chin, Zhongli was quick to wipe it away using his own thumb.
It felt ambiguous. And it made Ajax’s head spin.
“I slept, I might have forgotten to eat…or something.”
Perhaps it was the effect of the street lights that glowed behind Zhongli’s back, he looked a little forlorn and weary. A little bit older even.
“You fainted in class today, the girl next to you was scared awake because she thought you had died.”
Ajax thought that could have been Layla and he actually cracked a laugh because he thought that look on her face would be funny.
But that laugh only earned a frown from the man beside him. “Did you know how scared I was? You’re laughing?”
Ajax didn’t think much of it, he felt a little delirious like whenever he drank cold medicine. He shook his head and smiled again, asking mockingly “How scared were you?”
Zhongli pressed an elbow on the bed, causing a dent. That hand fell onto his own which was hidden under the blanket.
“I grabbed you and carried you to the infirmary. The class got canceled.”
Thud
What was this scary feeling? It felt like his heart dropped for a moment there.
“You did?” Ajax almost whispered, his voice soft and a little hoarse.
Zhongli nodded firmly, some sort of determination clouded his eyes, “I did. I was worried to death. I thought you would really die. Ajax you don’t even know-”
Ajax felt like he saw what he needed to see for a split second in Zhongli’s eyes. He wasn’t completely sure, but he was told to be brave and daring. He was already sick in bed, what else could he lose?
“Oh I know. Professor I know. Did you know how I felt when you gazed at me like that that night?”
“Ajax I-”
“But that didn’t last long did it? You then left me there and I couldn’t find you the next day. I know you can see my feelings for you. If you felt like my feelings were burdensome and you felt disgusted by it, you can just simply tell me. I know it is absurd and foolish of me. But you know what professor, I am sick like this because of you. You broke my heart, intentionally or not, you still did it.”
The room was quiet. Was it always this quiet? Ajax dreamed of confessing for a whole semester but he’d never thought that would actually do it for real on the infirmary’s bed. He dared not look at Zhongli. He turned away and tried to stop his lips from quivering.
Ajax did not look, but he felt Zhongli’s gaze on him, burning him, gauging a hole in his existence and changing him forever.
“Ajax there are a lot of things to consider. I am older than you by fifteen years and-”
“So what? You aren’t as old as my dad, I don’t see a problem.”
“And I am your professor, I don’t want to affect your education.”
Ajax felt a little flabbergasted now, he couldn’t help but turned back around.
“It will not! What do you take me as? And I only want you to know about my feelings and reject me in the grown-up way. I never thought you could reciprocate to me, professor. I am not asking you to either…”
Ajax trailed off because Zhongli’s eyes changed again. They were softer, pleading, longing. His hand came up to caress Ajax’s hair and earlobe. It sent a shiver down his spine again.
“But I want to reciprocate. Can I?”
Ajax, “...”
“I felt ridiculous at first. When I saw you sitting there, fiery red hair with a pair of bright eyes. You looked lost but also determined to find your own way. You are my student, I shouldn’t be feeling these things for you. But I couldn’t help it Ajax, I couldn’t. I have to be cautious, observe, and take notes of your every action. When I saw you in the tavern that night, you were actually whispering my name over and over, haha, I felt relieved then. Because it seems like you liked me too.”
Ajax, “Professor…”
Zhongli continued, “I took you home, cleaned you up and put you down on my bed. That was already too good to be true. Then you woke up and proceeded to look at me with those eyes. Archon! The thought that ran through my mind when you looked up at me and told me you were a boy from Snezhnaya, Ajax, you do not know. ”
Ajax was speechless at the end of it all. All he could do was grab a hold of Zhongli’s hand and pressed it to his face. He was having a slight fever, and the touch only made it feel hotter. He didn’t care. Wordlessly, they just gazed at each other. Ajaxx pressed a soft kiss on Zhongli’s palm and heard him draw in a sharp breath.
“I want to kiss you, professor.” Bluntly, he stated.
Zhongli did not look quite surprised, perhaps Ajax’s crude intention had been obviously written on his forehead a long time ago.
“Hm, is that so? You’re still sick, I do not want to cause you any discomfort.”
The younger man sighed, “How bad can it get?”
Taking that as a sign, Zhongli did not hesitate any more. He quickly closed the distance between them and pressed his lips onto Ajax’s. Ajax felt a hand cradling his head and another one holding his left hand down to the pillow. Their bodies soon pressed close to each other and the sound of kisses filled the empty infirmary room. Zhongli kissed like a mad man, like he was starving, like he was a predator that finally caught his prey after a long hunt. He sucked and nibbled and bit. He spared Ajax no time to breath and mindlessly pushed Ajax’s flailing hands aside. Ajax knew then that he had made the wrong decision, he might not be able to recover and attend class tomorrow.
Side story #1
‘Hat Guy’ was helping the Sage marking some paper when he thought of a question. “What would happen if a student falls in love with an Akademiya professor?”
Nahida’s pen halted at the question and she looked at her TA with a funny face, “What prompted you to ask such a question? You are always aloof to the matter of gossip, this is very unlike you.”
‘Hat Guy’ touched his chin meaningfully and didn’t respond.
Later that day, he went up to Nahida’s podium and spilled a very interesting fact to her. It was so mind-blowing that she accidentally gave him the wrong homework sheets to mark and she didn’t even realize. Nahida might be in a high position as the Sage but she had to admit that some aspect in life was just not her forte. If her TA did not point that out, she would’ve never guessed it.
“Ajax is homesick and lovesick. He’s infatuated with professor Zhongli, you need to do something about it. Don’t tell him you heard this from me.” He said.
Nahida tried to picture the two together, and she had an epiphany. She was going to help them!
Side Story #2
“If you are going to fall asleep, go back to your house. I will not proofread your work when you can’t even stay awake.”
Layla jolted awake once again at his words, “No please, I’m sorry. I’ll have more coffee and sweets. Excuse me! Can I have-”
“Constantly eating sweets, aren’t you scared of having a sugar crash and feel even worse afterwards?”
Layla lowered her head, ‘Hat Guy’ flipped through another page of her thesis paper. While she was looking around, she saw a familiar face from World History. The man was sitting by himself, drinking and furiously writing something.
‘Hat Guy’ followed her gaze and he noticed Ajax too. He shook his head and sighs. When it was almost midnight, the proofreading was done. Layla suddenly said she felt energetic again and wanted to go take a walk, he did not obstruct her. Once she left, he also left his table and paid for the bill. The Snezhnayan man seemed to be completely out of it, he wouldn’t even respond when being called. He lowered himself down to try and listen to what that red-head was saying, then he heard it, “Zhongli…, professor, Zhong -hic- li…”
He was so shocked by this blatant show of unrequited love that he actually stumbled back a few steps. Emotion was a complicated thing, and unrequited love was one that he’d never want to learn. Telling Nahida about it was enough meddling, he wasn’t going to play any role in this relationship.
He quickly left the tavern, but luck wasn’t on his side. He just happened to run into that professor. He was bidding goodbye to a few researchers, mentioning something about him helping them fixing their data.
He was conflicted. Should he say something or not?
What would Nahida do? What would she do?!
“Professor?” He approached Zhongli, “One of your students is dead drunk in that tavern. I’m not familiar with him but I’m restless to leave him there. Can you help him? He’s the one with the red hair.” He lied, he was dead familiar with Ajax. They shared the dorm’s hallway. Their rooms were adjacent. He put in so much effort that he even gave out the hair color vaguely.
Hearing the word ‘red hair’, Zhongli’s expression changed. This was getting interesting, perhaps Nahida would enjoy this piece of news tomorrow.
He stood in front of the Tourist Information booth and watched as Zhongli entered the tavern. Two minutes later he emerged with a young man clinging onto him.
Side Story #3
Nahida was called the moment the World History class got canceled. The mass wasn’t suspicious because everyone knew how caring professor Zhongli was. They were happy because they could get a free morning to review for the exams.
When Nahida arrived, she saw Zhongli standing outside the infirmary room, looking anxious as he paced around.
“Senior,” she called. He stopped dead in his tracks and looked down at her - studied her eyes. He knew then, she knew.
“Nahida, how come you’re here?”
“Words travel fast. I heard the class got canceled for the first time this year. My TA told me that one of your students told him… . How is he?”
Zhongli looked down at his feet, he never looked this dejected before. Although Nahida hadn’t known him for that long, she’s heard a lot about him. He had the seniority, the skills and experience, but he refused to become the Sage. He said he wanted to return to Liyue someday and did not want to take the position carelessly. Instead, he guided anyone who wanted to try out for the position. When Nahida became one, he also contributed a lot. Zhongli was a stable man, firmly rooted and never showed unnecessary emotions.
Yet today, he showed a human side. It was rare.
Before he could respond, the doctor came out of the room. “Oh, we have the Sage here?”
Nahida smiled courteously, “Greetings doctor, how is my student doing?”
“He’s fine. But he’s very weak now. He’s also running a slight fever. Did you know what happened to him recently? His symptoms are similar to short term malnutritions. Regardless, please remind him to take care of himself and eat nutritious meals, alright?”
“Thank you doctor, I will remind him to pay more attention to his diet and health.”
When the doctor left, Nahida asked Zhongli, “Senior, what happened over the weekend? I heard from my TA that he saw you helping a student one night. Then he didn’t return to his dorm that night. The next day, he appeared all haggard and down, and sad.”
Zhongli covered his face with his palm, Nahida wasn’t sure if that was due to shame, guilt, or what.
“Nothing happened. I didn’t know where he was staying and it wasn’t safe to leave him outside. So I took him back to Vimara village and asked the village head to cook him some hangover soup.”
Nahida narrowed her gaze. She gently tugged at Zhongli’s sleeve so he would look at her.
“Are you sure?” Her voice was stern, like a true Sage she was. She wasn’t asking him a question, she was demanding his answer.
Zhongli licked his lips in hesitation, “Well, I… for a split moment I thought of something that I shouldn’t have when I look at him. So I backed away before things could go wrong, and I left him there. I avoided him in the morning too. I- Nahida I swear I don’t know what’s happening and why he got sick.”
His voice then softened, “I’m only worried now. I want him to get better.”
Looking at his junior, Zhongli saw her eyes firmly resting on him and exuding a strong aura. “Senior you- did you not know how detrimental an action like that could pose? He is homesick and lovesick! I cannot believe you. What were you thinking? Could you not tell?”
The elder was speechless, he could only open and close his mouth.
Nahida continued, “I am not one to comment on any personal relationship. I also do not have that much experience in mundane life, as you already know, I was homeschooled my whole life. But Senior, his longings were so intense that even my TA could see it. Now that he’s fallen sick, I do not want you near him again unless you made up your mind and are ready to give him some sort of answer. The truth may be cold and sharp, but for some, it is better to be killed quickly in one blow.”
Zhongli finished listening. He did not know that she could be so good with words and kicking senses into people?
He smiled, “Thank you. I know what to do now, Nahida.”
“Good, then I shall leave you two. Please feel free to let him rest until he’s ready to leave. I will ask them to leave a door open for you.”
Nahida soon disappeared from the infirmary wing. Zhongli also mustered up his courage and entered the room to accompany his love.