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Apollo’s locked himself in his room.
Well, not exactly locked himself in, he’s just spent the entire day in there and it's too late to come out now. He’d feel weird just walking out for the first time when the sun is literally about to set.
He wasn't even doing anything important in there. He’s been laid up in his bed mindlessly scrolling through various apps. He doesn't want to be in here; he wants to be out doing something with his friends, maybe, or even just up cooking dinner.
But he's convinced himself he can't and he’ll have to wait until tomorrow.
His boyfriend, Klavier, had some interview today so he’s spending the night in a hotel in a different city. It's selfish, he knows, but Apollo wishes he were here with him. Or anybody for that matter. He’s been alone for what feels like forever. He has had no human interaction for days and it's starting to get to him.
He won't say that, of course. He made sure he sounded super-excited in his texts with Klavier earlier.
Throwing himself on to his other side, he tells himself he has no right to be angry. He was the one to shut himself away, even if unintentionally.
He shuts off his phone and stares at the black screen for a minute. Then he sits up and grabs his laptop from the end of the bed. Watching a show had to be better than scrolling through the same apps over and over.
So he does. It actually does distract him for about an hour and a half until another episode finishes. He hits the pause button as the next one is about to start and checks the time. Almost 10pm.
It would be a reasonable hour to sleep, but he's not tired. He always gets in his head when he tries to force himself to sleep. I mean, there's nothing else to really do when you're staring at your ceiling.
He grabs his phone, no notifications, and makes an impulse decision.
Apollo: Are you awake?
He stared at the message until it didn't look real anymore, forgetting that his read receipt would pop up immediately when they did finally respond.
The gray bubble popped up after not too long.
Mr. Wright: Always. What's up?
Mr. Wright: You read that quickly. Everything okay?
Apollo: Yeah, sorry.
Mr. Wright: Do you need something?
It took Apollo several minutes to type up a response.
Apollo: No. Sorry to bother you. Goodnight.
Mr. Wright: Feel free to text if that changes. Again, always awake. Goodnight.
Apollo groaned and threw his phone down. He just loved making a fool out of himself to his boss.
Deciding to just sleep this off, he turned off the light and rolled over. Maybe he’d forget those texts by the time he woke up.
—-
Usually he was able to sleep this feeling off, so why wasn't it working this time?
He flipped over his phone. 01:21.
A very strong urge to cry hit him as he threw himself upright. It was the type of frustrated crying that hits when nothing is seemingly wrong, you just don't feel right, and there's nothing you can do about it.
Last time he felt like this…
He didn't want to think about it. Although no one had caught him, and the evidence had disappeared before anyone noticed, he still promised himself he wouldn't do it again. He had a literal superstar boyfriend, a great job, and his own apartment. He was happy. Most of the time.
But he couldn't stop thinking about what was calling his name from the bottom of his desk drawer.
He sat on his bed and just stared at his desk for a long time. Eventually, he finally moved. Just a couple couldn't hurt, he tried to reason with himself.
He grabbed his old glasses case out of the drawer and opened it slowly. He was greeted with his shiny silver tool and some bandaids. He couldn't describe the feeling it gave him. The faintest ping of excitement, but immediately followed by shame.
He sat down on the floor in front of his desk and took the tool in his hand. Just a few. No more than that. This would make him feel better and he could go back to normal.
He closed his eyes and breathed out.
—
That… didn't help as much as he'd hoped it would.
It didn't make him feel better but it also didn't make him feel worse. Small victories?
But now he's sitting on the floor staring at his arm. He doesn't bother to wrap them, just slowly puts his stuff back in his glasses case and slides it back into the drawer.
For the second time tonight, he makes an impulse decision
Calling Mr. Wright… illuminates his phone screen.
“Hello? Apollo?”
“...Hi,” he manages out.
“What's going on?”
“Um… Do you think we can meet up somewhere?”
“Now?”
Apollo had forgotten it was now nearing two in the morning.
“No, no, I'm sorry, I didn't realize what time-”
“Hey, it's fine. It is late, though. Do you want me to come over instead?”
“Yeah.. Yeah that's fine. Thank you.”
“Not a problem. I’ll be there soon.”
They hung up and Apollo looked around. What was he going to say when his boss got here? How would he even begin to explain why he asked him to come over in the middle of the night?
He slowly got to his feet and steadied himself with the desk. He didn't realize how dizzy he was when he was sitting.
He was really dizzy, actually. He clumsily resumed his sitting position from before. He leaned his forehead against the desk and closed his eyes.
The sound of his phone ringing woke him from the half-asleep state. He hit the green button.
“Hello..?” he dragged out.
“It's Phoenix. I've been knocking for a while. Where are you?”
“Oh… um. I can't get up.”
“What? Are you okay?”
“There’s a key under the mat.”
“Okay.. Yeah I see it. I'm coming.”
Phoenix hung up the phone as he walked into the apartment. Why was everything so dark? He felt a pit settle in his stomach. This wasn't the first time he had seen something like this. He never thought he'd see it from Apollo.
It wasn't a very big apartment, thankfully. He was able to find the bedroom quickly.
When he saw the younger man leaned up against the desk, he quickened his pace over to him.
“Hey, what happened?”
“Mr. Wright…”
“Yeah, it's me. Are you okay?”
Apollo didn't know how to respond to that.
“Wait, are you hurt? You're bleeding. What happened?”
The smaller man let out a humorless laugh and dropped his head.
Phoenix hesitated. He didn't know the best way to go about this. His husband had had moments like this before, but this wasn't his husband. It was his apprentice, who was still a kid in his eyes. The very last thing Phoenix wanted was to make things worse. This kid had trusted him enough to call him, so he needed to do his best.
“Okay, it's alright. Can you hear me?”
Apollo nodded but his eyes were distant.
“Is it okay if I clean these up..?”
When the other man didn't respond, Phoenix didn't know what to do. He knew it was a sensitive thing, and wasn't going to invade without consent.
There were only four, but they were still bleeding. How long had he been like this? He seemed dazed, which worried Phoenix the most. He debated his options in the other man's silence.
“I think we need to call an ambulance, Apollo.”
Apollo finally looked up and started shaking his head.
“Just to be safe, okay?” Phoenix comforted. “I won't let anything happen to you.”
A stray tear made its way down Apollo’s cheek and his boss’s chest tightened. He picked up his phone and called for an ambulance
—-
Apollo woke to the sound of machines beeping. He was confused for a minute until it all came back to him. He looked down and saw his right arm wrapped in thick bandages. He also saw his boss sitting in a chair, on his phone, next to his bed.
He was so embarrassed he could start crying. How did he let this happen, especially in front of his boss?
He didn't notice the machine’s beeping start getting faster until Phoenix quickly looked up at him. When he saw that the younger was awake he quickly got to his feet.
“Hey, it's alright. Just… Breathe for a second.”
Apollo turned red and looked away. He did control his breathing, though.
Neither of them really knew what to say.
Phoenix reached over and silently pressed the call button beside the bed. Apollo was still refusing eye contact.
After a minute, a nurse walked into the room.
“Ah, you're awake. Good,” she walked over to do something at the side of the bed, leaving Apollo nowhere to stare but the white covers on top of him.
“You did lose some blood, so we did an IV while you were asleep. Other than that, you should be good to go home today,” she smiled warmly. “Take it easy for a few days, though, okay? And, of course, we have trained psychiatrists here for you to talk to if you wish.”
“Is there anything we should do?” Phoenix chimed in. Apollo idly obsessed over the 'We’.
The nurse smiled and clipped her pen back onto the pocket of her shirt.
“Make sure he stays hydrated and is eating. With the loss of blood, it could make it easier for him to get sick.”
“Will do. Thank you very much.”
“Of course,” she smiled and made to leave. Did she ever stop smiling, Apollo wondered slightly bitterly.
A silence settled over them for a few moments.
Phoenix, unsurprisingly, was the first one to speak.
“How are you feeling?”
No response. He didn't even look up at him.
“Apollo.”
That forced Apollo to finally look up at the other man.
“I feel incredible, can I go home now!?” he borderline shouted.
“We can't pretend this never happened.”
“Why not? I'm already humiliated, you don't have to drag it out.”
“There's nothing to be humiliated over. I’m glad you called me. You're very important to me and Trucy, and I never want anything to happen to you.”
“I didn't try to…” he couldn't finish the sentence.
“What?”
“I didn't mean for it to go that far. It was just… going to be a couple and they'd fade. I didn't mean for this to happen.”
Phoenix sighed silently.
“It's alright. Just… promise you'll call someone when you start feeling like that again. I’m always here. I know Klavier is, too. Hell, if you can't get ahold of us, call Miles.”
“Oh my God, Klavier…”
“He should be here by now.”
“What!?”
“I had Miles give me his number so I could call him. I think he's in the lobby.”
Apollo didn't know what to say. How was he supposed to face his boyfriend now?
“He's not mad, Apollo, I promise. Should I go get him?”
“...Yeah.”
It only took a few minutes before Phoenix came back, with Klavier right behind him. Apollo felt terrible when he saw the expression on his boyfriend's face. He could tell he had been crying.
“Text me if you need anything,” Phoenix said as he turned out of the room.
It was barely registered, though, because the couple were staring at each other, not speaking.
“Klav…”
That was all the prompt the other man needed to come over and hug him. He held him tightly, maybe afraid to let go.
“Why didn't you tell me..?”
“You had an interview. I didn't want to bother you.”
“Scheiß drauf! You are more important than any interview, Liebling,” he hesitated for a moment. “I'm glad you called Mr. Wright.”
Apollo just nodded into his boyfriend's chest. They stayed like that for a while before Apollo spoke.
“Klav?”
“Yes, Liebling?”
“Could you… stay at my place tonight?”
“I was already planning on it,” he smiled. “Let's get you home.”