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"Somehow", Strange mused. "I only ever end up in situations like this when you are involved."
Loki would have been offended by the way the sorcerer looked at him at that if he wasn't still far too amused by the whole thing.
"You mean, you never have fun? Color me shocked."
Wanda developed a sudden coughing fit and Loki's smile only grew wider when Strange suddenly looked like he'd bitten into a lemon.
Not that Loki would know from experience - lemons, apparently, didn't work the same on either aesir or jotnar as on humans so Loki had to make do with the grimaces the team and assorted acquaintances pulled when they bit into something too sour.
Sadly, the moment was gone too fast.
"Looks like they are getting ready", Wanda said after checking through one of the loopholes opening onto the arena. Her voice betrayed cautious excitement and red sparks danced around her wrists, only to be killed a moment later.
Loki nodded, satisfied. He'd only been teaching her for a couple months now - nothing compared to the decades it took to properly train a mage, especially one with such volatile and specific powers as Wanda wielded - but she was a quick student. Had she taken Tony's offer of a safe return, freedom and a spot on the new Avengers earlier he might even have brought her home to Asgard already and let her compare herself to some of the younger apprentices.
Though with what had happened between her and Tony it was better that she had taken the time to think things through because without her asking to talk about everything with Tony - including, he hoped, an apology though Tony was tightlipped about the details - he would never have offered to teach her.
Which might have ended with her getting tutored by Strange or his ... whatever Wong was to him. Keeper?
And it wasn't that he thought that they (Wong. Definitely Wong. Strange couldn't tutor for shit) weren't up to the task but he strongly suspected that Wanda wouldn't have rediscovered her sense of humor with them.
Anyway, since he was already thinking about it ... "You do remember that we are here for you?"
Yeah, no sense of humor there. But at least Strange's bitten into a lemon face was still entertaining. "It is my staff, yes, I know", he said. "I strongly suspect I'll never be allowed to forget, either."
Seeing as Tony was involved ... nope, Strange was never living that down.
Wanda, bless her bright soul, only shrugged. "I don't mind. I don't think I'd have gotten off-world otherwise. And Stark's with me in this." Whirling around suddenly she grinned. "And then to Sakaar! I mean I know you said it's a trash pile but honestly, this is just so fascinating! I want to win this tournament just so I have the prize money to spent on the market!"
Loki rolled his eyes. Humans.
And Tony wasn't any better - he'd already talked his way into half the blacksmith workshops lining the streets and to be honest, that he hadn't been supervised for the last two hours while they got ready for their last round in the Grandmaster's tournament made Loki a little nervous.
If they didn't need to win the staff back ... but then without the villain of the day absconding with the sorcerer's Staff of Reckoning through a portal, right into the arms of one of Sakaar's garbage collectors, neither Loki nor Strange would ever have taken these two to Sakaar of all places. Not with the Grandmaster somehow still in charge, still playing his games as ever.
Though Loki had to admit that it could have gone worse than the staff ending with him. Sure, on one hand the Grandmaster was too powerful to steal the staff off of him. On the other hand he didn't need it and was too responsible - yes, Loki was fully aware of how that sounded - to use it. And he still had, despite everything that went down the last time Loki was here, a soft spot for him.
Or maybe he just had a soft spot for good entertainment but the end result was the same, so really, who cared?
Anyway ... "They tidied up since I was here the last time. I guess being faced with a rebellion made even the Grandmaster change his way of governing a little."
Wanda frowned. "A rebellion? Like a real revolution? Why didn't they kill him?"
Loki ... stopped. Turned her way.
Saw that she was completely serious.
Turned to Strange who looked just as flabbergasted as himself.
"Remind me to teach you how to judge a mage's magical power", he said eventually.
Wanda blinked, then her eyes widened when she got it.
Before they could continue the noise from outside their little waiting room got louder, then the announcer called out the name of their opposing team and Loki made sure to have Strange in his sight so he could watch him pull a long-suffering grimace when it was their turn.
"... and from Midgard their opponents, the Powerpuff Guys!"
"I will strangle Stark for this", Strange grumbled when he got in position.
Because sadly, the tournament wasn't about magical strength and prowess alone - it was also about style.
And the Grandmaster, extravagant as he was, would let them fail if they lacked style even if they slaughtered their opponents in the first three seconds.
"Aaaand Magical Girl entrance ahead", Wanda murmured beside him while she took her position between him and Strange and Loki realized that, yes, Clint introducing Sailor Moon to the team's movie marathons had been a wonderful idea.
Trying to kill his snickering he followed his team out into the arena, where they made their choreographed entrance sequence to the opening theme of the Powerpuff Girls which Tony had helpfully provided, ending with Strange on his knees, his magical circles drawn around his hands, and Wanda and Loki off-center behind him, their own powers on display.
They stood up when the music died and took up more sensible positions while the audience clapped like mad and screamed, some calling their names - apparently Strange was very popular which might contribute to his sour expression - and at least one of them propositioning them. Loki smiled in their direction and blew a kiss that way - hey, he was good at playing an audience - when the entrance of the Grandmaster was announced and everyone's attention shifted to him.
And it was really really good for everyone that Loki was an accomplished liar and able to think things through before reacting because otherwise he might have trashed their plan the moment he saw the man following the Grandmaster into his box.
"What is Stark doing here?", Strange hissed from his right and for once Loki agreed with him.
Almost as if he had heard them Tony turned to them and grinned and waved, which both relieved Loki - at least he wasn't being held hostage or blackmiled - and made exasperation rise up in him.
They would have words about this later.
Turning his aggravation at his beloved’s actions towards their opponents he took a moment to study them in person.
Dark Sun Rising - Strange might be onto something about their name being less silly than their own - consisted of a mixed group similar to them which was probably how they’d managed to make it to the final round, too. There was a ljossalf, an orc and a red skinned being that Loki assumed was of mixed heritage because he could make out the characteristics of at least three different races. Possibly an escaped lab experiment, considering how difficult propagation between races was, which promised to make the fight interesting - if she had enough magic to attend the tournament she had to be better than the few tricks she'd shown so far.
So - a surprise, an alf fire mage and an orc plant enchantress.
Loki grinned. That promised to be fun.
The announcer started the countdown and Loki gathered his magic, saw his team mates doing the same and hoped they remembered the plan.
Which was bound to fall apart very soon anyway but who cared.
Strange got lucky - they'd meant for him to go after the ljossalf and, seeing as he hadn't shown the full range of his powers yet, the man searched him out himself, too, letting a whip of fire snap at him that Strange easily evaded by jumping through one of his portals.
Wanda wasn't as lucky. They'd planned for her to take on the orc, seeing as her powers worked best on organic components - there was a wood desk in the Mansion that still bore a picture of some naked celebrity, only partly because Loki had found himself laughing so hard at the image that he'd cast a protective spell over it - and her telekinesis and telepathy should help her fight the enchantress off with relative ease.
Of course, their opponents knew that, too, and so they'd sent the lab rat after her who pulled a trick that Loki couldn't see - he was a little occupied by the orc who tried to put him down with a couple tentacles that were apparently meant to distract him with arousal as if he hadn't experimented with that very same thing while being a teenager while also growing a tree through the ground - but that ended with Wanda flat on her back and only a hastily cast protection spell keeping her from getting smashed into the ground ala Hulk.
Well, at least she had managed that spell; more than one of his students would have panicked, especially so early in their studies.
Still, Loki was her tutor and he couldn't allow her to get injured to much or killed, so he cast a quick spell - shimmering gold and green, just to please the Grandmaster with his style, and with more movements than were strictly necessary but that just looked cool- to down the orc for the moment he needed to engage Wanda's opponent.
Wanda, to her credit, was quickly on her feet again and casting her magic the orc’s way who had had to dodge fast to evade the blow.
Loki's new opponent looked at him. "So. You", they said.
Loki grinned. "Me", he agreed. "Shall we?"
Without waiting for an answer he attacked.
His new opponent was a delight. They were fast - not only with spells but also obviously combat trained. Powerful - though not as powerful as him - and, more important, they knew that they were outclassed and unleashed an assortment of tricks and spells and feints that meant Loki had to focus and could go all out like he hadn't been able to for far too long.
When he finally got through it was only because they'd grown tired and didn't manage to get their protective barrier up in time, and Loki had to quickly dissolve his conjured snake before it could actually bite and kill them.
The rules of the tournament allowed killing your opponents but honestly, he’d much rather spar with his opponent again.
Quickly checking that none of his teammates needed help - Wanda had rendered her opponent unconscious and Strange was still playing with his own who looked ready to keel over - he then walked up to them, grinned and asked: "Do you surrender?"
They growled but nodded.
Offering his hand he said: "This was fun. Let's do it again?"
That made them snort but they reached for his hand and let themselves be helped onto their feet. "Only if you buy me a drink after this."
Loki's grin grew wider. "Of course."
It wasn't like either Wanda or Tony would allow him to take them home as soon as they were finished here, so he might just enjoy some time with another mage.
A loud noise came from his right and when he turned to check he saw that Strange had finally grown tired of playing and had downed his own opponent. Unlike his teammate the alf spewed curses as Strange wrapped him in glowing rope under the loud applause of the audience.
A sound from behind him and when Loki checked he found his opponent trying to hold in their laughter.
"Almen doesn't surrender gracefully", they explained before offering their hand to Loki. "Camin."
Smiling he took it. "Loki."
"Ah, Asgard", they said. Then they grinned. "I think you still have a performance to give."
Loki rolled his eyes and shook his head while they snorted. "Yeah, I should better go please the Kinkmaster."
Leaving Camin behind who had given up their fight against laughter for good he joined his teammates again and, while the ever helpful employees of the arena played their theme again, they gave their victory performance.
The noise from the audience was deafening while they bowed, first to the Grandmaster, then to the audience - this time there were far more propositions and at least two persons asking to have Strange's baby; and yes, he had that delightful sour expression again - then to the Grandmaster again because the asshole was vain and probably got off on it.
Finally he stood up and, with a lot of blabla and ermhs that Loki ignored, declared them as the winner of the contest.
Around them all hel went loose, the screams getting even louder - it was worse than the autumn hunt on Asgard, or Thor returning from a battlefield to the city; norns, Loki had been to battlefields quieter than this - and they were all more than happy to return to their waiting room.
"Fuck this", Strange said. "Never again."
Loki snorted. As amusing as the whole thing had been he would be more than happy if it took a while before a repeat.
The rest of their stay was surprisingly pleasant.
As participants of the tournament they had been given rooms in the Grandmaster's palace - almost as nice as the ones Loki had had last time - and the Grandmaster's servants delivered both the prize money and the staff there within the hour.
Tony followed shortly after, mumbling something about contracts and what a kinky ass the Grandmaster was - and he should be grateful that Loki knew that, for all his groping and watching and insinuating, the Grandmaster wasn't into sex with other people, or he might have been faced with Loki in a jealous fit at that. Anyway, Tony was only staying long enough to grab Loki's hand and then they were off again to the markets where they spend most of Loki's third of the money. Seeing as he didn't need it and normally Tony paid for everything for him Loki really didn't mind spoiling him a little. Especially if it made Tony this happy.
They met Wanda again at a booth selling scarfs who informed them that Strange had vanished already, taking their cloths and his regained staff with him - "And loudly swearing If I ever hear this music again I'll burn every record of it" to which Tony grinned and nodded - and that she was finished with her own purchases.
Since they'd met Camin earlier at a pub already and Tony, too, had grown too tired to continue, Loki opened a portal for them to return to earth.
Wanda only waved at them before taking the elevator down to her own rooms.
Turning around he found that Tony had walked to the bar and expertly prepared two Shirley Temples.
"You know ...", he said, adding some ice cubes. "We should do that again. Not the fighting!", he added hastily, knowing Loki's opinion on entertaining the Grandmaster. "But, you know - seeing other worlds. You've only shown me Asgard and Sakaar."
Which ... was true, and a terrible oversight.
Walking over Loki wrapped an arm around Tony's waist, taking the drink from Tony's hand.
"We really should", he agreed.
"And we should go back to Sakaar. Camin said they are staying and fighting for the arena for a while, didn't they?"
"Mmh", Loki said, then tightened his grip. "But, you know, right now ... I would be happy to do something different."
Tony froze for a moment, then laughed and weaseled out of Loki's grip.
"Well, in this case, we should better go back to our rooms, don't you think?"