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Katsuki watched the group of friends as they sat on the grass laughing. They’d picked the perfect spot, the spring sun shining upon their skin.
Shouto was sitting between Deku and Round Cheeks, picking at the grass. He looked good. His cheeks were flushed, mouth stretched in a broad smile, and eyes twinkling at whatever Four-eyes just said. He looked happy.
This was better.
His eyes caught Shouto’s, two red eyes looking straight into the blue and grey ones.
The beautiful smile fell, now there were just two boys watching each other with heartache in their eyes. Shouto turned his head when Deku looked his way, a smile reappearing on his face. It wasn’t the same, it looked overacted, bringing attention to the falsities in his joy.
Uraraka seemed to notice the change, looking around with a frown.
She spotted him and stared. Katsuki stared right back, watching her from his patch of shadow under the faded Sakura tree. His glare got him a middle finger in return.
He never sent one back, opting to close his eyes instead. Behind his eyelids, he saw the same flushed smile, not the forced one, the real one. The one where the eyes laughed just as brightly as Shouto’s mouth, the one where suddenly the light seemed to come from the boy in front of him and not the sun.
The image wouldn’t leave his mind. It wouldn’t fucking leave.
Footsteps approached him from behind, the sound slowly increasing in its volume. Katsuki stared at the ugly Crocs standing next to him, following the monstrosity up until he was looking into Kirishima’s pitying eyes.
“At one point, you’re gonna have to tell somebody what happened.” The redhead said as he sat down next to him, lightly squeezing Katsuki’s shoulder as he did so.
His hands sparked in response, he turned his head away.
“It doesn’t have to be to me, it doesn’t have to be right now,” Shitty Hair continued. “But you can’t keep holding it in. You’re going to explode, Katsuki.”
“I can handle explosions.”
The laugh he got in return was pathetic, there was no actual mirth behind the sound. When Kirishima didn’t even get a small grin in return for his polite laughter, he too fell silent. “People are blaming you, you know? I don’t believe them.”
“You should.”
“No. I know for a fact you loved him. Love him. I can’t imagine a single scenario where you would break up with him.”
A breeze blew past their ears, but instead of joyfully tousling his locks, the wind pushed Katsuki’s fringe into his eyes. In front of him, the group laughed as Deku’s homework was blown away. They looked like headless chickens as they tried to chase the pages.
“I broke up with him,” Katsuki finally told Kirishima. “The rumors are true.”
“Oh,” it sounded devastated. “But why?” the redhead begged. “I thought he made you happy?”
“He did,” Katsuki sighed. “He really did.”
“Why?” Kirishima asked again.
“He flinched.”
“He what?”
“I got angry, aggressive, and he flinched.”
“Oh.”
Round Cheeks fanned herself, her mouth moved, probably complaining about the heat. Suddenly Shouto laughed, loud and honest. He made her an icicle, offering it up to her like it was a sword and he was a knight. Uraraka accepted it with a giggle, holding it against her flushed face.
The interaction was a familiar one, but one that should involve him, not her. He should be the one bitching about the heat until Shouto would laugh and drop a few ice cubes into his shirt. Katsuki would never complain, not when Shouto would turn to him with innocent eyes, saying: ‘I thought you were hot?’
No matter the method, it had always helped cool Katsuki off. Now he was stuck in the cold of the shadow.
“He was afraid of me, Eiji,” Katsuki confessed. “We were in an argument, and when my palms exploded, he flinched. He fucking flinched.”
“He comes from a difficult past, ‘Tsuki. You can’t blame him.”
“I don’t blame him. But he needs someone other than me right now. He needs someone who doesn’t remind him of his abusive father. He needs someone who makes him feel safe. He needs someone who he trusts fully.” Katsuki sighed, lowering his voice to a whisper. “He needs someone like Deku.”
“But he doesn’t love Midoriya like that, he loves you.”
“He flinched, Kirishima,” Katsuki repeated like it explained everything. In his eyes, it did explain everything. “Fuck!” he shouted loudly, his palms exploding and gaining the attention of everyone.
Shouto looked at him, watching Katsuki's pained expression. Katsuki turned around. He didn’t run back inside, he never fucking ran away. He did walk away quickly though, really fucking quickly.
Katsuki opened the fridge in the hope of finding a midnight snack. The dorm kitchen was empty, dark, and the light of the fridge made his eyes tear up with its brightness.
It was strange, being here on his own. The normally busy kitchen was only abandoned like this at midnight. And usually, Katsuki slept at midnight. Or at least, he used to.
Tonight, he was tired, bored, hungry, and awake.
And now he was the cliché insomniac lighting the room with the refrigerator light. The last time he’d been here in the middle of the night, lit up by the cold artificial light, it had been happy. It hadn’t been so lonely, so desolate.
He and Shouto had just watched Dirty Dancing because apparently Round Face loved it, and Shouto wanted to know what the hype was about. When the movie had finished, they'd gone down to the kitchen together.
When they’d arrived, it had been empty and dark. Shouto had lit the room with his flames, he'd been on a quest to use his fire side more often, trying to associate his quirk with positive things like bringing light to the dark. Still, his small flame had been overshadowed by the bright light of the fridge.
That was when Shouto decided that he wanted to dance.
And dance they did.
They both had zero experience, just going off of what they’d just seen. It was clumsy, ugly, sappy, and perfect. It had been a real blow to Katsuki’s reputation, but it had made Shouto laugh.
Now the light felt lonely. It was a beacon of everything that no longer was.
“Midoriya told me you aren’t eating enough.”
The sudden voice interrupting the bitter silence made Katsuki jump. “Shouto.”
“Sorry, didn’t mean to scare you,” Shouto brushed his hair out of his face. The red and white locks were getting long. It looked good. “Normally you hear me coming.”
“It was my fault,” Katsuki mumbled. “I wasn’t paying attention.”
Shouto watched the fridge, probably remembering the exact same scene. It brought a similar melancholy to his eyes. He shook his head, physically trying to shake away the thoughts. “Midoriya says you don’t eat enough. Did you find a snack?”
“It’s not your job to police my food intake.”
“You didn’t answer my question.”
“I’m not hungry anymore,” Katsuki rubbed a hand over his face. “I’m going upstairs, you can have the kitchen.”
He tried to walk away, but Shouto grabbed his arm, pulling him back. They both looked down at the contact. Shouto’s hand was cold on Katsuki’s warm skin.
“Midoriya also told me that you don’t sleep, but still barely manage to get out of bed in the morning. That’s not fair Katsuki. You don’t get to act like that when you’re the one who broke up with me. You had a choice, you made it.”
“I know,” Katsuki growled. “You don’t have to fucking remind me. You’re right.”
“So, eat something,” it was an order, not a suggestion. Shouto opened the fridge again, the artificial light conquering the dark for a second time. He grabbed a bag of baby carrots, offering it to Katsuki.
“Thanks.” Katsuki walked away, opening the door to the hallway.
“Katsuki, please. Help me understand. I don’t know what happened between us.” Shouto’s trembling voice stopped him in his tracks.
“I happened.”
“What does that even mean?” Shouto laughed humorlessly, the sound just as harsh as the light.
“I – we – it didn’t fucking work.”
Shouto shook his head, denial in his eyes and on his tongue. “That’s not true. I was there too, remember? We worked, we worked perfectly. We were happy until you tore it all apart. Until you ruined us.”
“I didn’t ruin us, I saved you.”
“You broke me, Katsuki. How’s that saving me?” Shouto sounded angry. He shut the refrigerator door with a loud bang, it shook the room. Katsuki had never heard or seen the boy angry before. Normally when Shouto was hurt, angry, he just shut down, shut off all emotions. It was what he’d done when Katsuki broke up with him.
But now he was angry, furious.
“You know, I watched the door the entire time after you broke up with me, waiting for you to come back. I couldn’t believe you would actually do this. I thought it was a joke or something. But Katsuki, jokes are supposed to be fun, and I never laughed. And you? You never came back.”
“I’m so sorry, Shouto.” He tried his best to suppress the tears threatening to spill. “I’m not good for you, you need someone kind, patient. I – my anger, my aggression, my combativeness – I’m not right for you. You deserve better.” Katsuki closed the kitchen door again, wanting to keep this conversation in the small room. Now they were standing face to face in the dark.
“You don’t get to decide what I deserve, you don’t get to decide what I need. I decide what’s right for me, that’s what you told me, remember? Deciding for me, that’s something only my father would do.”
It was a blow in the stomach, threatening to send Katsuki to his knees. “Maybe I’m not that different from your father.”
“What?”
“Don’t fucking play dumb. Don’t act like you don’t fucking see it. Everybody sees it. I’m our generation’s version of Endeavour, the villain in hero’s clothing,” Katsuki spat out the words, his eyes blazing.
“No, Katsuki, no. You’re nothing like my father. Where is this even coming from?”
“You flinched.”
“I flinched?”
“Remember our last fight?”
“Like it was yesterday,” Shouto whispered.
“I got angry, and you flinched away. I made you flinch.”
“I’d hoped you didn’t see that.”
“Well, I fucking saw.”
Shouto grabbed his hand, squeezing it. Katsuki tried to pull away, but Shouto didn’t let him. “That didn’t mean anything, Katsuki.”
“What the fuck do you mean, ‘that didn’t mean anything’? That meant everything! You were afraid of me. I was your boyfriend and you fucking feared me!” The words still hurt to say.
“I never feared you. I used to flinch all the time. It was really bad when I just got away from my father. I used to flinch when Midoriya made a sudden movement, when Iida would suddenly appear behind me with his quirk, when Aizawa would voice a request in the wrong tone.”
“Shouto –” Katsuki gasped, horrified at the news.
“No, let me talk. I used to flinch all the time. That isn’t something that just goes away. But it has been going down, the therapy is working, I’m getting better. But you didn’t know this, you know why? Because I almost never flinch with you. I love you, I trust you, you make me feel safe. But you caught me on a bad night, it’s why we got in an argument, it’s why I flinched. But you can’t ruin everything based on that night. Please Katsuki, don’t let my father ruin another thing for me.”
“Fuck, Sho.”
“I don’t want to guilt trip you. But I miss you. I miss you so much.” Shouto’s thumb traced a circle over the back of the blonde’s hand. “And I have the feeling that you miss me too.”
Shouto pulled him in by his hand until they were pressed up to each other, chest to chest, forehead to forehead. A warm arm wrapped around Katsuki’s waist.
“We, what we have, that’s rare Katsuki. We need to treasure it, keep it safe. We can’t lose this, we might never get it back.”
Shouto was right, they were rare. There was magic between them. Just like there was magic in this moment. He’d never heard Shouto be so honest about his feelings and their relationship before. It was rare. Especially since they both had the emotional capacity of a cactus. Different cactus species, sure, but a cactus all the same.
This moment, this romantic honesty, was refreshing in a way Katsuki had never known.
“I love you. I missed you so much,” Katsuki whispered.
“I know,” Shouto rubbed comforting circles on his back. “I love you too.”
Katsuki chuckled wetly. “Even the old hag misses you, she keeps fucking bitching about how it has been too long since she last saw you. I think she likes you more than me.”
“I miss your mom too,” Shouto laughed softly.
A cold hand went up to cup his cheek, Katsuki leaned into the touch automatically. Closing his eyes and kissing Shouto’s thumb.
When he opened his eyes again, the blue and grey eyes were looking straight into his, sparkling with light and joy. Arousal and lust danced behind the stare, Katsuki had missed that look.
He let his eyes flicker to Shouto’s lips, wetting his lips with his tongue. Shouto smirked, and in the blink of an eye, his lips met Shouto’s, stealing the air from his lungs.
Katsuki groaned deeply, pulling Shouto even tighter against him, until not even a single piece of paper would be able to come between them. Nothing would ever come between them ever again.
The desperate thoughts shone through in their kiss; it was wild, passionate, unstoppable.
Perfect.
They were home again.
The door opened suddenly, “Kacchan, are you – ” Two wide green eyes switched between them. “Oh, oops, sorry. So sorry.”
The shitty nerd started to backtrack, slowly shuffling backward and on his way to closing the door again.
Shouto chuckled and pulled away. It took serious effort for Katsuki to suppress the whine threatening to escape him at the loss of those perfect lips.
But it was worth it because he could actually see the exact moment the scene started to sink in with the idiot. It was fucking hilarious.
“Wait a minute – ” Deku pointed between the two. “You’re back together! Freaking finally! Oh! I’m so happy. You don’t know how much I suffered watching you two idiots pine after each other.” Deku looked like he was about to explode from the inside out from happiness. He actually fucking jumped up and down, clapping his hands together like a seal.
Suddenly he frowned. “Wait, you are back together, right? This isn’t a weird midnight guilty pleasure thing?”
Katsuki looked at Shouto questioningly. The love of his life smiled right back, nodding encouragingly.
“Yeah, Shitty Nerd. We’re back together.”