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Steve lay under Eddie, staring up at his boyfriend. He usually had no problem staying in the moment, in any situation. Something he, frankly, prided himself on. And there was usually nothing left in his brain but Eddie, Eddie, Eddie by this point anyway. But something was different, had been different for a little while, something that was clearly coming to a head now. He wanted to reach for Eddie, bridge the distance that had grown between them and pull him down close as he continued to thrust into him. But he knew that wouldn’t help. He knew that was part of the problem. That he was the problem.
How could he not be? There’d been barely any foreplay tonight. There’d been enough, but Eddie usually took his time taking Steve apart and he just… hadn’t this time. Steve felt tears gathering in his eyes and did his absolute best to not let them fall. Everything in him was sure this would be the last time they were together and he didn’t want to miss it. He’d cry over it later. Then he made the mistake of looking for Eddie’s eyes and found them closed instead of staring down at him.
A great, heaving sob tore out of his throat.
Eddie’s eyes snapped open and he pulled quickly out of Steve. Probably too quickly, given the way Steve tried to curl into himself. “Stevie?” Instead of helping, his voice seemed to make it worse, causing more sobs and more tears running down into the pillow below him.
Then Eddie noticed Steve’s lips moving, but he couldn’t make out what he was saying. He leaned down, leaned in close enough to feel Steve’s breath on his face, until he heard him. “…don’t leave me. Please don’t leave me. Please don’t leave me. Please don’t….”
“Steve, sweetheart,” Eddie shifted so he was kneeling between Steve’s legs, then reached forward and pulled his compliant boyfriend up and onto his lap. “Sweetheart, what are you talking about?”
Steve cried into his shoulder for a moment before realizing what he was doing and forcefully pushed himself off Eddie’s lap and curled in on himself, knees pulled up to his chest, arms wrapped around them. His sobs subsided, but his tears kept flowing as he said, “I’m sorry. I know I’m too much. I know I get clingy and no one likes that in a partner. I know I need too much attention. I’m sorry. I’m trying to do better, really I am. If you just wait a little longer, I can be better. I know I can.”
“Oh baby, is that why you’ve been pulling back the last two weeks?” Steve just nodded without looking at him. “I thought I messed up, that you didn’t want this – us – anymore.” Eddie shuffled forward until he was able to wrap his legs and arms around Steve. For a few minutes, he just held him, refusing to budge when Steve tried to push away again. When he did finally move, it was to reach down off the bed and pull up his t-shirt. Gently, he used the shirt to dry Steve’s face and let him blow his nose before he tossed it across the room.
“I’m sorry,” he mumbled.
“No. Look at me, Stevie.” Eddie waited until Steve finally looked up at him, then cupped his face and held him there so he couldn’t look away again. “You are not too much. You are not too clingy. I don’t know – that’s not true, pretty sure I do know who told you that. The point is, what she says and wants has no bearing on our relationship. You are not too much for me. You are not too clingy for me. It’s one of my favorite things in the world, sweetheart, to lay here or anywhere with you and have you pressed so close it feels like you’re trying to fuse to me or crawl under my skin. I love it. And when you stopped, I thought it was because you were trying to gently break away from me.” He blinked and a tear of his own slipped down his cheek, but he paid no attention to it. “Baby, I love you. All of you. You are perfect just the way you are.”
Steve surged forward, wrapping his arms around Eddie’s chest and pressing tightly into him. Eddie carefully shifted them until he could lay down on the pillows, pulling Steve with him. They lay together on their sides, arms wrapped tightly around each other, legs tangled together, Steve’s face pressed against Eddie’s chest until they drifted off to sleep.