Work Text:
"You should have let me do that."
He does not look up from the suitcase he's giving a final inspection to because he doesn't need to see it to know just how hard Wei Ying is frowning into the mirror right now.
"Stop interrupting me!" Wei Ying exclaims, frowning harder at the tie he's been trying to tie around his neck for the past seven minutes. "I'm being serious, Lan Zhan, do not, under any circumstances, go anywhere with Huaisang, I'm being so so serious."
Lan Zhan fails to find the eye mask Wei Ying cannot sleep without when he's away from home. He ransacks the luggage and finding nothing, shifts to the other side of the bed, settling cross-legged beside the trolley. Hadn't he tucked it into the side pocket just last night?
"Are you even listening to me?" He catches the vague picture of Wei Ying's flailing hands right as his eyes spot one of the blue rabbit ears of the sleeping mask Lan Zhan had brought for him, under the covering flap. Retrieving it, he places it securely into the lid compartment that bears the sticky note of all the articles kept inside.
"Lan Zhaaaaan!" Wei Ying stomps his feet.
Lan Zhan fleetingly remembers it to be an inside joke among Wei Ying's employees. Director Wei of Stygian Inc. can often be found stomping his feet when he feels ignored by his husband.
He looks up. "What?"
"Ohmygod you aren't listening to me!" Wei Ying flails his arms again, not unlike the watchman on Titanic signaling for the iceberg they're about to hit. "Why aren't you listening to me?!!"
Maybe Wei Ying's employees are right. Lan Zhan actually cannot recall any of what Wei Ying has just blabbered for so long. But—
"I will not go with Huaisang." It's a shot in the dark. But Wei Ying promptly looks appeased, so Lan Zhan must be right.
It's not a hard guess, really, since out of the set of 'rules' Wei Ying gets obsessed with everytime he's going out of the country, 'stay away from Huaisang' has been on the top ever since their wedding reception two years ago where Lan Zhan got drunk and gave a speech, respectfully dissing all of their relatives, and Huaisang swore an oath to exploit as much of Lan Zhan's low alcohol tolerance as he can.
Wei Ying is certain Huaisang means to kidnap Lan Zhan and make him commit crimes. Lan Zhan does not understand his line of reasoning sometimes.
"If someone comes unannounced, make sure Chenqing is there when you open the door." Wei Ying has finally progressed to instruction number two. Anyone who considers Wei Ying a delinquent with no regard for rules should see him when he's about to leave his husband—a husband with far better life skills than himself—unsupervised for more than one day. They'll find him unrecognizable.
"I'm perfectly capable of looking after myself." Lan Zhan reminds him.
"And don't forget to lock the doors, you hear me." Wei Ying rambles on, as if he didn't hear him at all, as if Lan Zhan isn't the one who checks all the doors and windows before they head to bed. Lan Zhan does not respond this time. He simply places his hands in his lap and stares.
As expected, the lack of response rankles Wei Ying soon enough who turns back with a frown. Catching Lan Zhan's eyes, however, he deflates, hands finally coming down from the tie that's somehow still as it was. Sulking, Wei Ying walks over to the bed and holds the tie out to him.
Lan Zhan kneels on the bed, and taking the tie from him, he winds it around Wei Ying's neck before his practiced fingers begin to give it the shape of a knot.
"You're still mad at me, aren't you?" Wei Ying pouts.
Well, he is. And he thinks he has the right to be. It's Wei Ying's fault that he cannot go see-off his husband at the airport because Wei Ying, as always, booked his flight at the eleventh hour and now they're stuck with a check-in that has to happen right when Lan Zhan has to deliver an important lecture.
Still, he makes his eyes as earnest as he can when he looks up and says, "I'm not." Because he won't send him away with anything other than a smile.
Wei Ying's face tells him that he doesn't believe Lan Zhan, but he says nothing more, probably knowing it wouldn't help. "You sure you wouldn't like to stay with Xichen-ge?" He asks instead.
The annoyance that flickers on Lan Zhan's face is wholly unintended, they've already discussed this five times in the past week. "Alright alright," Wei Ying's thumb quickly comes up to smoothen the crease on his forehead that Lan Zhan hadn't realized had formed there. "Forget I said anything."
He takes a breath, a deep one. This is nothing new. Wei Ying gets like this everytime he has to go on a work trip. Repeatedly asking him to not stay alone, reiterating his rules over and over. He's probably a little more agitated this time because, unlike the other trips that have been a week at max, this one's a month-long because it's a joint project.
Right. He's going to be gone for a month.
Completely unprompted, his hands jerk the tie forward, pulling Wei Ying closer, and Wei Ying goes, melting into the embrace that's always waiting for him, clinging to him tight. He has been clingy all week, well, clingier than he usually is. Refusing to let him out of the bed, pulling him in for sex anytime he saw the opportunity, and wrapping himself on Lan Zhan's back every night while he cooked dinner. He wouldn't let go even if Lan Zhan had to move, moving along with him stuck like a koala on his back.
Now, as he stuffs his face into the crook of Lan Zhan's neck, Lan Zhan's hands loop around to hug him back, equally tight.
"You're going to be late," he whispers through a parched throat.
In response, Wei Ying tightens the hug. "What should I bring you from there?"
Telling him "nothing" will only result in a bag full of presents because 'I couldn't decide, Lan Zhan'. It's not without reason that Lan Zhan has developed hoarding tendencies. A porch swing from Switzerland, a dreamcatcher from Africa, so many chocolates from Belgium, and a miniature Eiffel tower that they had bought together because Wei Ying refused to visit the so-called 'city of love' without Lan Zhan. He's certain he has various bunny-related items from every country Wei Ying has ever set foot in.
"I am unaware what's popular in San Francisco," Lan Zhan mumbles into his neck. "Just bring me a windchime."
Wei Ying huffs, a warm breath on Lan Zhan's skin. "What's with you and your obsession with windchimes?"
"You keep saying my laugh is like windchimes." It comes out quieter than he intends to.
Wei Ying's arms around him tighten, almost tenfold. So Lan Zhan reminds him, because he has to. "You're going to be late." He's suddenly so mad at everything. So mad that he cannot go. So mad at San Francisco.
Wei Ying places a kiss on his throat before he moves back, with some reluctance. "Let's go over once more, alright?"
Lan Zhan sighs, but Wei Ying is already going ahead with it. "No matter what Huaisang says—,"
"I will stay away from Huaisang," Lan Zhan interrupts, for the sake of both of them. "If I go out, I'll make sure to text Mianmian or Yanli-Jie or my brother about it. I will keep the doors locked, and I will have Chenqing on standby at all times. Happy?"
"And no ice-cream!" Wei Ying frowns. "Did you forget that one on purpose? No ice-cream, Lan Zhan, it's almost winter."
Another sigh. "No ice-cream." Lan Zhan parrots.
Wei Ying places a kiss on his forehead. "Good boy."
Before he can move back, Lan Zhan hooks a finger into Wei Ying's belt and pulls him in. Still kneeling on the bed, he flicks away the lock of hair that's fallen over Wei Ying's forehead. "Your turn."
Wei Ying rests his hands on Lan Zhan's shoulder, and sulks, or pretends to. "I will call you the moment I land, no matter what time it is. I will eat three meals a day," he pauses, catching Lan Zhan's glare, and quickly amends, "I will eat three healthy meals a day, and I will get adequate sleep and not overwork."
Lan Zhan raises an eyebrow.
"Aiyaaaah," Wei Ying rolls his eyes with exasperation. "I will not flirt with anyone! Like seriously, husband dearest, do you think I'll have time for that between all the work and worrying over you that I have to do?"
Stepping down from the bed, he turns away to lock the suitcase. "I don't know," he tries his best to hide his smile. "You could have mistresses all over the world."
Maybe not his forte of jokes, but there's a reason he can't get enough of them.
Wei Ying's sigh that comes following it is quite theatrical. "Lan Zhan, baby, I keep moaning your name even without sex, who do you think will be pathetic enough to get involved with me?"
That reason exactly. He smiles. "You say that as if it's a bad thing."
"Maybe it is."
That is a joke as well. But Lan Zhan makes no attempt to contain his glare when he turns. As expected, he finds Wei Ying grinning. And so, under the facade of getting the suitcase off the bed, Lan Zhan trips him. Full force.
"Ow!"
"Say goodbye to the babies while I set the table," he begins dragging the suitcase out. "You are not setting your foot out without breakfast."
Wei Ying takes a whole of ten minutes to say goodbye to the bunnies, kissing them, tickling them, and instructing them to behave. When he's done, Lan Zhan takes a breath and orders, in his sternest voice, "Wei Ying."
"Yeah yeah I was going to," he can practically hear the eye-roll.
Wei Ying takes Yutu out of her enclosure and kisses her too. "I'll miss you too, princess," Lan Zhan hears him say. "Be good for daddy alright, don't give him too much trouble."
"It's your sons who give me a headache," Lan Zhan says from the table, just to mess with him. "Go wash your hands now."
"He's lying," Wei Ying whispers to the bunnies as he places them back in the enclosure. "And you stop smirking," he scolds Yutu before she too is returned to her room.
Breakfast is a light affair, mostly because neither of them has much appetite.
"Wen Ning is here," Wei Ying announces, seeing his phone light up. "You ready?"
Lan Zhan nods, getting up to check the lights and doors one last time. "You have everything you need?"
"Everything except you." He finds Wei Ying grimly staring at the pile of articles Lan Zhan has assorted for him over the coffee table.
With the suitcase in one hand, he uses the other one to practically force Wei Ying out of the couch. "Let's go."
At the door, Wei Ying shoves him into the wall and captures him into a kiss. The suitcase goes clattering down as Lan Zhan's hands come up to hug him with a ferocity he cannot explain. The kiss is a lengthy one. Calling it intense would be an understatement. They don't part until they're almost red from the need to breathe. Afterward, neither of them says anything. Not a word is spoken as they head out, hand in hand.
The ride to University is mostly quiet, except Wen Ning trying to make little conversation before he gets the message that even Wei Ying isn't in the mood to talk today.
With every mile that the car eats up, a sort of heaviness settles in Lan Zhan's belly, familiar yet strange. It grows and grows right until they're parked in front of the gate, then it disappears, and Lan Zhan knows that it's time.
"Text me before boarding." He reminds Wei Ying, just for the sake of saying something as he gathers his coat and bag. Then he leans in and places a kiss on his cheek. "Be safe."
Wei Ying only nods, saying nothing. It's a bit jarring, but Lan Zhan has said enough goodbyes like this to get used to his last-minute silence. And to know it will be equally rewarding when Wei Ying returns. He takes a breath and exits the car. They will be fine.
The window rolls down. "Lan Zhan, it's gonna be a long time, promise me you'll be okay." Wei Ying's head pokes through the window frame, his voice a bit unnatural.
Wei Ying won't leave until he goes inside, Lan Zhan knows that. So he nods, and quickly walks away. Distracted as he is, he doesn't notice the plastic discarded behind the car and trips, slamming his hand on the glass to steady himself.
"Lan Zhan!"
He hears the door open before Wei Ying emerges from the side, eyes wide. Finding him unharmed, he releases a breath, and then just stands there, looking at him, as if saying through his eyes, Never thought I'd see the day Lan Zhan trips over something.
And Lan Zhan huffs, sheepish, because what is that if not the truth?
Taking a huge breath, Wei Ying walks over and pulls him along to the secluded side of the car. Then, in the semblance of the little privacy they manage, he cradles his face into his hands.
"Zhanzhan," he whispers, eyes frantic, thumbs desperately stroking both of Lan Zhan's cheeks. "How will I survive a month without seeing your face?"
Lan Zhan retrieves the hands on his cheeks and places a kiss on them. "You will see me everyday."
"That doesn't count, no, no, there's nothing real about video calls, you know it, and—,"
"Wei Ying." Lan Zhan interrupts him, loudly. His husband has a flight to catch, to a place that will bring him a step closer to his dreams. He takes a breath and puts on a smile, the kind he knows is Wei Ying's favourite. "I will be fine. Take care of yourself for me, won't you?"
Wei Ying nods, vehement, but the crease on his forehead doesn't go. So Lan Zhan pulls him closer. "Hey," he says, "don't forget to visit the tourist spots on your days off."
"They will look dull without you." Wei Ying's lower lip trembles a little.
Lan Zhan huffs, even as he feels like crying. "Send me pictures, lots of them."
Wei Ying nods again.
"C'mon, you will get late," Lan Zhan opens the door and practically shoves him inside. "Do not forget to text."
This time when he walks away, he doesn't falter. He knows Wei Ying is watching him, so he reminds himself, "Do not turn. Do not look back."
He's almost there, just a few paces away from the door when he turns.
His husband smiles into the window frame, the curve of it visible even from far away. Seconds later, Lan Zhan's phone rings.
Wei Ying is still smiling when he says, "See you soon, Lan Zhan."
Lan Zhan swallows. "See you soon, Wei Ying."
He averts his gaze only for a second to end the call.
When he looks back up, the car is already moving.
______
The first few days are a blur.
Between listening all about Wei Ying's schedule for the day at bedtime and waking up to a flurry of pictures—from food, to pretty skies, to anything that catches Wei Ying's eyes—every morning, Lan Zhan finds things are not as hard as he had worried about. Most changes are the ones he's familiar with. Asking about Wei Ying's breakfast at his own dinner time is something he's already done before. If anything, adjusting to the time difference is always much harder for Wei Ying.
Jerking off in an empty bed, or on a phone call because his husband has trouble sleeping initially is another side effect of Wei Ying's work trips that Lan Zhan is used to.
On the third day, Mrs. Huang brings him a warm casserole. She has this habit of suddenly becoming a good neighbour whenever Wei Ying is out of home for consecutive days.
Lan Zhan makes no attempt to not be a menace when he answers the door.
"No sugar tonight?" He asks, brows quirked.
Mrs. Huang serves him a blatant eye-roll and shoves him out of her way as she walks away to the dining table instead.
"What are you doing?" He asks, bewildered, when she begins overturning the dishes.
"My daughter is out with her friends so I'm going to eat with you." She answers, completely dismissive of the horror that descends on him with every word. But she's also elder than him, and Lan Zhan is nothing if not respectful. So he shuts his mouth, and somewhat petulantly, plants himself on the chair.
It is by far, one of the weirdest dinners he's ever had. He's also a little annoyed that her food is always delicious. Mrs. Huang makes conversation with her usual snark, so he too answers with his usual hostility. It goes somewhat like this:
Mrs. Huang: How come you look so exhausted, don't you teach grownups?
Lan Zhan: Young adults are hardly grownups, but I wouldn't expect a kindergarten teacher to understand that.
Mrs. Huang: That's what I'm saying! Little kids are so much more handful and I'm still so chipper. You on the other hand….
So Lan Zhan decides he will not compliment her cooking. He does thank her though, when she's about to leave.
She grins. "I'll bring you more, I could tell you loved the food."
Lan Zhan stares, horrified. "That would not be necessary, I can cook just fine."
Eyes gleaming, Mrs. Huang steps up to pat his cheek. "You even took seconds baby boy."
Mortified, he complains about her to Wei Ying at bedtime. Wei Ying laughs to his heart's content. "Teasing you is her favorite pastime, I'm telling you. But she's also nice to you, no?"
Lan Zhan sulks about it till he falls asleep.
It's on the fifth day that Wei Ying has an early meeting and has to miss their routine call for the first time. That too is something usual, Lan Zhan is well aware the workload will gradually increase. Typically, Wei Ying returns home soon after a few exhausting days. That won't be the case this time.
On the weekend, Mianmian brings his little bunch of ducklings home. Their guqin classes had been shifted to weekend-only ever since they started primary school, but it's usually their parents who drop them. So he's wholly bewildered when he finds them behind the door with Mianmian.
"I thought we could do something fun for once instead of just learning and practicing you know," she chirps as she lets herself and the kids in.
Her idea of fun is to bake cookies because the kids are now too old to just sit and draw. In no time, his living room and kitchen are blotched with flour, sugar, and food color. He makes it known that no one can leave without cleaning up.
Sizhui brings him two teddy-shaped cookies saying it's Xian-gege and Lan Laoshi. Following him comes Jingyi whose cookie is a little burnt and cannot be distinguished into a known shape, except that the blob has a tail. Lan Zhan is certain that it's supposed to be a tail.
"Is that… a rat?" Lan Zhan asks.
With a little bounce, Jingyi says, "No no, that's Jin Ling." The four-year-old sulking on his high chair starts wailing.
Lan Zhan will admit to no one, but he's secretly very fond of the fact that Jingyi is just as much of a menace at eight as he was at four.
He also clicks pictures of all the cookies to send them to Wei Ying. Wei Ying laughs so hard that he falls off the bed.
At least it woke him up, Lan Zhan thinks.
He's at the vegetable market on a Monday evening, unnecessarily adding green chilies to his basket, when his phone pings with a message from Qin Su. It's a few seconds long video of Wei Ying slurping cup noodles while staring at his laptop with a caption that says, he has been eating only that since yesterday and when I tried to take it away, he threatened to fire me.
With a sigh, Lan Zhan texts Wei Ying.
What did you eat for breakfast?
The reply isn't instant.
Wei Ying: It was some kind of vegetable soup Lan Zhan idk its name :((
With another sigh, he presses voice call.
Wei Ying's voice is suspiciously sweet when he answers. "Hey baby!"
"Out of all the things I expected San Francisco to teach you, lying to me wasn't one of them." Lan Zhan seeps into it as much of his disappointment as he can.
It's quiet on the other side. Then, he hears Wei Ying hiss at Qin Su before his voice comes back and immediately begins a reiteration of various kinds of sorrys.
"I didn't mean to, Zhanzhan, I swear, I just didn't want to worry you."
"As if I don't know that." Lan Zhan states the obvious.
"What do I doooo? These people suck at our food, Lan Zhan, seriously how can you get baozi wrong?"
Lan Zhan would probably pinch his forehead if he wasn't currently walking with phone in one hand and a bag of groceries in another. "Then don't eat Chinese, eat the native cuisine, they will not suck at that. Or ask Qin Su to make something for you."
"But I miss your food!" Wei Ying is nearly throwing a tantrum now. "I miss your soup dumplings so much."
Lan Zhan's chest squeezes, but he knows he has to stay on the ground for this to work. "Wei Ying, if you're going to keep eating those convenience store noodles, I'm going to keep worrying."
That works like a charm. "Faaaaine I won't."
"And if you lie to me again, I will stop speaking to you."
Wei Ying sounds like a wounded puppy when he says, "I won't."
"And no more harassing Qin Su."
"Hmm."
By the time the call ends, Lan Zhan is already home.
The emptiness ultimately begins weighing him down by the middle of the second week. The incessantly increasing time clashes definitely don't make it easy. With every call that gets missed due to obligations on both sides, a sort of weariness begins settling in his bones.
Jiang Yanli comes over during then to check on him. As expected, she brings along his husband's favourite soup and a hoard of dishes to last him for days.
"You're always welcome to come over too, you know that right? She tells him. "A-Xuan and I would love to have you."
While he doesn't doubt that—Jiang Yanli and Jin Zixuan are no less than close friends to him—he's not exactly fond of visiting their place, or any of his in-laws' place for that matter, without Wei Ying. Mostly because he still doesn't trust himself with idle conversation.
Towards the end of the week, the days almost seem to be dragging slow as a sloth. Work schedules are still as packed as ever, resulting in conflicts and tiny arguments. They fight and say sorry. Then fight again and say sorry again. His only respite is that he's not alone in it. It's equally hard on Wei Ying because he constantly keeps complaining that never again will he undertake a trip this long.
On the weekend, however, when Wei Ying gets held up at a discussion, Lan Zhan packs up a duffel and leaves the city.
Song Lan welcomes him with a snarky comment and a warm hug. "Finally here after two years because the husband is out, don't I feel special."
Lan Zhan gives him the dead eyes, then steps inside making sure to bump him hard on the shoulder.
Xiao Xingchen announces, in no uncertain terms, that he'll be giving them a wide berth throughout the weekend so they can catch up.
They spend the weekend visiting their college and all the spots that used to be a favorite, mostly to relive the nostalgia, and partially to make Mianmian go mad with jealousy. A lot has changed in the years Lan Zhan has been away. The corridors have been renovated, the decorations are much fancier, and Lan Zhan's preferred library seat is no longer there, having been replaced by a newer shelf of books. The baozi stall owner at the back of the cafeteria, however, is still the same, just older.
Lan Zhan sends a picture of the stall to Wei Ying. When Wei Ying sees it hours later, he replies with a minimum of ten crying stickers.
When he returns, the home somehow feels emptier, much more than before. Work is the only thing keeping him sane when week three begins and he's grateful for it. He tries his hardest to keep it together because he cannot afford otherwise. He cannot burden Wei Ying even more than he already is.
Try as he may, by the second day, he turns snappy.
So Wei Ying too gets upset.
And he doesn't even realize that until Wei Ying is telling him that night that he'll be starting his day late because he needs to spend some time with him.
Lan Zhan wants to apologize, ashamed as he feels, he wants to feel bad, he wants to blame himself, but he's had a long day, and knowing that a pixelated Wei Ying is all he's going to have for a while longer makes it no easy.
When Wei Ying tells him he loves him, the distance feels bearable for a few minutes.
Teetering on the threshold of sleep, Lan Zhan whispers into Wei Ying's ears, all the way he misses kissing him, all the ways he's going to kiss him when returns, all the ways he's going to ride him and fuck him and love him. Wei Ying comes with a shuddering gasp of his typical bed curses that Lan Zhan had begun to forget, right before Lan Zhan releases into his own hand.
"We should've been doing this everyday," Wei Ying sighs in the end, content. "We're so stupid."
The throb in his chest lessens a bit, sleep that night is easy. He hopes Wei Ying's day is easier too.
Lan Xichen invites him over the next day for dinner.
When Lan Zhan refuses to go, he sends Nie Mingjue to shove his brother into a car and drive him over to their place.
Lan Zhan is sulky about it right until he's not, right until he's grateful he's not home alone right now. Lan Xichen is also completely unjudging when Lan Zhan passive aggressively bitches about San Francisco. In fact, he assures him that he and Nie Mingjue will never set foot there. So all in all, it's a dinner well spent.
In the middle of the week, Wei Ying tells Lan Zhan he has to attend a high-profile party that night.
Lan Zhan teases him about all the mistresses he's going to floor. It's mostly a joke this time. Mostly. Weary as he is, he finds himself despising his own joke.
So when Wei Ying teases him back, it doesn't sit well. It sours him ten times worse.
"I really detest your jokes sometimes," he retorts, way too blunt.
"Hey not fair!" Wei Ying takes offense. "You started it."
"Then you end it." He snaps.
Wei Ying deflates, scowling. "You've been scolding me so much these days."
"That's because you keep doing things to get scolded over."
Wei Ying pouts. "Nobody loves me." He fake sniffles, he cries, he pretends to wipe a tear, then says, "When I'm dead, only then you'll know my importance huh!"
It's a kind of joke Wei Ying often makes, dramatic as he is. Exaggerating in ways that often make Lan Zhan roll his eyes. But sitting here, in front of a Wei Ying that he cannot touch, cannot hold, cannot kiss, the statement doesn't land well. It feels wrong. Lan Zhan attempts to contain his anger, tells himself it's just a consequence of his haywire emotions.
A bite still seeps into his words when he says, "What a wonderful thing to say to your husband from half a world away."
It's probably his tone, much more than the words themselves, that snaps Wei Ying out.
"Lan Zhan, I—
"I will speak to you tomorrow," Lan Zhan interrupts him, because fighting with Wei Ying is definitely not something he can afford right now. "I need to sleep."
Wei Ying nods, knowing well enough when to leave it be.
Lan Zhan washes his face before hitting the pillow, hoping it'll somehow lessen the discomfort in his belly. Sleep is still fitful, tossing and turning him for hours before it arrives. Even when it comes, it doesn't come alone. One minute, Lan Zhan is in his bed, falling asleep, the next, he's watching Wei Ying in a plane. A plane meant to bring him back home, smiling and laughing and telling Lan Zhan that he can't wait to see him. Except the mirage shatters. One minute Lan Zhan is waiting, the next, he's numb and cold, watching molten ruins fall from the sky.
He wakes up covered in sweat, breathing heavier than ever. The clock shows 3:00 am.
Dialing Wei Ying's number happens mostly through muscle memory. It goes unanswered. His grip on the quilt is almost white as he focuses on Qin Su's number.
When the call is answered, it's Wei Ying on the other end.
"Lan Zhan, you okay?" Wei Ying asks, and Lan Zhan lets himself sink into relief. "I forgot my phone back at the hotel, and then we had to go to a presentation…."
Swaying into the back of the bed, Lan Zhan closes his eyes and just listens, letting Wei Ying's voice wash over him again and again until he truly believes his husband is fine. When he doesn't respond for a long time, Wei Ying pauses.
"Zhanzhan, what is it? Talk to me."
It's so unbearably soft Lan Zhan cannot help the sob that was stuck in his throat.
"Lan Zhan!" Wei Ying's voice toes into panic.
"I–I saw your plane crash," he wills himself to calm down. "I saw you die."
Wei Ying is quiet for a moment. Then, Lan Zhan hears his voice, muffled, speaking in English. "Please pull over for a few minutes, I really need to take this."
A few more moments, and the call ends. Soon, the phone lights up with a video call instead.
Wei Ying, knowing exactly what can help Lan Zhan, keeps a steady stream of conversation the whole time he talks to him. He apologizes for being careless, he assures him that he's fine, and he promises Lan Zhan that he'll come back safe. In the end, he flashes his wrist, a red bracelet displayed snug and proud on it.
"Nothing can touch me as long as I have this."
They both know Wei Ying doesn't believe a word of that, he just has a weird obsession with that red thread because Lan Zhan gave it to him. Still, Lan Zhan hopes, wholeheartedly, that his words are true.
The week progresses with a sort of unease after that night. When the weekend approaches, the disquiet begins to border on dread. He cancels the music session, refuses to go out, and in the end, has no one but himself.
Wei Ying had already told him they're in the process of finalizing production so he's going to be a bit more occupied.
He's moping hard by the evening when Mo Xuanyu sends him a text message begging him to open the door. Lan Zhan is less than pleased about walking all the way out, and even less pleased when opening the door reveals not Mo Xuanyu but Nie Huaisang.
"Don't you look pretty," is Huaisang's great hello, looking up and down at Lan Zhan with no hidden distaste.
Mo Xuanyu peeks out from behind Huaisang. "Zhan-ge, I didn't want to, he made me, he threatened me!"
"Well, he shouldn't have ignored my calls if he didn't want me intruding," says Huaisang as he pushes in.
People have got to stop doing that!
"I'm not going anywhere with you," Lan Zhan makes it clear even before Huaisang says anything.
"Look," Huaisang's eyes look like they mean nothing but business. "Either you come with me or I call everyone here."
Lan Zhan might not know much, but one thing he knows is that Huaisang's threats should never be taken lightly. That's how he finds himself entering their usual club.
Wen Qing takes one look at him and says, "Oh no."
She also immediately plants herself on the seat beside him. "To ward off evil," she whispers, before leveling a glare at Huaisang who's in the middle of offering Lan Zhan a drink.
At least that he won't have to worry about tonight. Frustrated as he was, he won't deny being around people feels better. Between Wei Ying's bickering friends, and Wen Ning softly talking to him, he's able to almost distract himself.
At some point, Wen Ning asks him. "Do you maybe… want some ice cream?"
Lan Zhan blinks. Wen Ning flusters. "I mean… erm you keep looking at that girl… so… I'm going to get me one anyway, I can get one for you as well."
His gaze pans over to the girl licking the life out of her cone, then back at Wen Ning. Lan Zhan nods.
Except one becomes two, and two soon becomes three.
Lan Zhan doesn't even feel bad about it. He cannot drink, cannot smoke, and definitely cannot punch someone. He needs something.
When it's time to go, he asks Wen Ning, "May I… have a tub of it to go?"
Wen Ning, bless his soul, gets excited like a puppy anytime someone makes a request to him. Which is probably why he sees off Lan Zhan with the largest carton of cookies-and-nuts he can find there.
At home, Lan Zhan perches at the dining table, fancy clothes and shoes still on, and digs a spoon directly into the carton. If Wei Ying saw him right now, he'd be delighted and horrified in equal measure. He does not stop until he has emptied half the carton and his brain is freezing numb.
When he snuggles in bed finally, it's with his laptop set atop his knees.
Taking off the necklace around his neck isn't usual for Wei Ying's trips, nor is it for Lan Zhan. He likes having it, he likes wearing it close to his heart, but doesn't like looking through it often, almost like a child who refuses to play with his precious toy in fear of damaging it. The last time Lan Zhan plugged in his bunny USB was three years ago, on his mother's death anniversary.
He had Wei Ying holding him close back then.
Now, as his fingers push the tiny button to project the jack out, it's because he doesn't have Wei Ying holding him.
He doesn't even have to read through the pages. Just the presence of those familiar stories with accompanying illustrations brings him the kind of comfort that nothing in the world does. His eyes peruse through them, one by one, fingers periodically hitting the key, right until his favorite story comes up.
The fairytale his mother began and Wei Ying finished.
Without input, his vision turns blurry, realization dawning only when they shed as droplets on his hand. He doesn't know how long he stares but the screen soon dims out before going dark, and all that's left is the quiet whisper murmured in the isolation of his room.
"I miss you so much."
______
It's a week before Wei Ying's return that Lan Zhan sneezes on the call.
It's just a tiny tchuck really, barely audible. Just his luck, it happens exactly when Wei Ying and he are having an argument because he saw pictures on Huaisang's social media.
He senses it before he hears it, Wei Ying's accusatory tone.
"You ate it, didn't you?"
On a different day, he would have felt guilty, would have tried to pacify Wei Ying, or made a sorry face to overturn the guilt on him. But today, his senses seem to have dulled. He has been feeling stuffy all day, irritable and feverish, his throat is scratchy, his head is hammering, and he hasn't seen his husband in a long long while, and has terribly terribly missed him. So no. Wei Ying's accusatory tone can very much go to hell. He does not appreciate it.
"Yes I did, so what?"
"Hey hey hey what's that tone huh?" Wei Ying is practically scolding him now. As if he has any right to scold Lan Zhan in matters of health. "Don't you so what me."
With a flare of irritation, Lan Zhan sits up. "I will." Gritting, he adds. "So what?"
Wei Ying blares. "What the hell did he do?"
"Fed me ice cream." Because Huaisang is the perfect candidate whenever Lan Zhan needs a scapegoat. "A whole tub of it."
"I knew it!" Wei Ying sounds like he's scowling. "That bitch is never up to any good."
"At least he's not dawdling around with mistresses and forgetting to call home." Lan Zhan bites out. Even his own brain is embarrassed of him for this. The least he could have done is make his petulance respectable.
"I didn't forge—," Wei Ying pauses. "See, you're starting this again and then you'll get upset if I joke back."
"Ofcourse I'll get upset!" Lan Zhan bristles. "My nose keeps getting blocked everytime I attempt to rest, my throat feels like it's grown a cactus inside, and I haven't seen you in a month. So yes, I'll eat all the ice cream, I'll go out with Huaisang, I'll do whatever I want while you stay there in your imbecilic San Francisco."
For a moment, everything is quiet.
Then, Wei Ying bursts out laughing. "Imbecile?"
In retaliation, Lan Zhan hangs up the call. Then he falls down on his pillow with a thump. When his phone rings five minutes later, his headache has progressed to an almost migraine.
"You get so grumpy when you're sick." Wei Ying sounds fond.
Lan Zhan curls in, pulls the blanket over his head, and says nothing.
Wei Ying sighs. "Zhanzhan, did you atleast have dinner?"
"Mn."
"What did you eat?"
"Soup."
"Which soup?"
"....mushroom." He's scowling even as he answers, certain that pause has given him away.
Sure enough. "Tsk tsk tsk for someone who scolded me for lying, my husband sure is shameless."
Lan Zhan's mouth presses into a thin line. He's really not fond of Wei Ying being perceptive at inopportune times. "I hate you."
"Hmm hate you back very much," Wei Ying tuts. "Now listen, I've shifted this meeting to half an hour later, and I'm going to be with you here while you get your ass out of bed, and warm some milk, alright?"
Lan Zhan is groaning even before Wei Ying is done. "Why did you—
"You can either complain about it and make me late," Wei Ying interrupts. "Or you can listen to me like the good boy you are."
Well, Lan Zhan is not the only one who has effective weapons up his sleeve, his husband is equally adept. So he drags himself out of bed and does what he's told. Warms a glass of milk. Butters a piece of bread. And eats. Like the good boy he is.
"The nasal spray is in the third drawer," Wei Ying tells him when he's walking back into the bed.
"Since when do you remember things?" He asks, still sulking.
"Since you developed the bad habit of bingeing on ice-creams."
His nose does not get blocked again, Lan Zhan sleeps well through the night. The morning after, however, Wei Ying is again unavailable. Same is the case at night. Qin Su tells him they're starting to wrap things up slowly so it's eating up a lot of his time. Lan Zhan understands. When it repeats the next day, he understands again. Mostly because his mood is starting to get better now that the end of the trip is close.
The next day, when he wakes up again at midnight, it's not due to a nightmare but rather, sounds coming from the living room.
Very quietly, he sits up and strains his ears.
All he can make out is stealthy footfalls moving around his home. Heart in throat, he retrieves his phone from the nightstand and activates the morph command for Chenqing. The quiet whooshing and beeping he hears within a millisecond from the living room settle his heart a little.
On the tail of it, however, comes another sound.
"Aiyaaaah! Why do you have to be such a light sleeper?"
In the silence of the night, Wei Ying's voice booms, and so does the stomping of his feet. Lan Zhan blinks, frozen for only a second, before he's scrambling out of the bedroom, barefoot.
He finds Wei Ying by the door, arms crossed, suitcase on one side, and a fully grown ninja on another, eyes glowing crimson, ready to attack. When placed like this, Wei Ying really does look like a master with a self-created deadly weapon. His hair has grown since the last time Lan Zhan saw him. What has grown much more noticeably though, is the hair on his cheeks. Lan Zhan doesn't think he's ever seen Wei Ying in anything more than a stubble. On a different day, he may have found it sexy.
"You attended your meetings like this?" Chenqing turns toward him. Wei Ying huffs with a lot of indignation.
"That's the first thing you say to me?" Chenqing turns to Wei Ying now.
"You look so unprofessional." Lan Zhan scolds. Poor Chenqing turns to him again.
"I've forgotten how to shave ever since you started doing it for me." It's a good thing Chenqing isn't human.
Lan Zhan takes a breath. "Go to sleep," he says to Chenqing. Finally, having received a coherent command, the poor robot rolls over to the corner and begins cramming down. Lan Zhan turns back to Wei Ying.
"I packed a trimmer for you for that very reason."
In response, Wei Ying toes his shoes into the ground and mumbles, "Such a warm welcome, how nice!"
When the only response he gets is a glare, he throws his hands up in exasperation. "You remember the last time I returned? You were onto me the moment we stepped inside! You had taken me here itself, right there on the pool table. You remember that, you heartless man?"
Lan Zhan does remember that. The table had rattled a lot. It does nothing to assuage his anger. "Why are you back earlier?"
Wei Ying averts his gaze. "You were sneezing."
Lan Zhan's glare turns icy. "So you did leave work in the middle."
"Not in the middle, come on!" Wei Ying rolls his eyes. "I finished everything that needed my specific attention. Whatever is left, I can do from here. There's a conference too which I can attend online."
But Lan Zhan is not ready to listen. "You ruined everything!" He storms back into the bedroom.
Wei Ying follows. "Goddd why are you so dramatic, I just told you I settled everything. How could I not, you were sneezing! And why the hell are you barefoot, it's cold!"
Pacing around the room, Lan Zhan grumbles, "I sneezed one time!"
Following him, Wei Ying blares. "One too many times!"
The cat and mouse chase goes on and on until Wei Ying bodily drags Lan Zhan back into the bed and forces him to lie down. "I've just had an eighteen-hour long flight, have some mercy!" is what finally makes him give up.
Sitting on the edge of the bed, Wei Ying places one of Lan Zhan's feet on his lap. "Who knows more about my work, me or you?" He asks, gently rubbing his palm to warm the foot.
When Lan Zhan doesn't respond, he tickles his sole.
Lan Zhan twitches, then says, grumpily, "You."
"Exactly," Wei Ying goes back to warming the sole. "So if I say it's fine, then it's fine. End of the story."
Still grumpy, Lan Zhan's response is, "Mn."
Getting out of the bed, Wei Ying covers him with the quilt, then perches beside him once again, closer this time. Carding through Lan Zhan's hair, he says, "I missed you so much I thought I'll die."
Lan Zhan turns away. "I do not like it when you say that."
Smiling, Wei Ying turns his face back and places a kiss on his forehead. "Tell me you missed me."
Instead, Lan Zhan curls out his lower lip. "I couldn't even welcome you properly."
"Hmmm, that's true." Wei Ying rubs their noses together. "Tell you what, once you're well, we're gonna roleplay my return, you better welcome me well then." He inches closer and whispers, "In a sexy way."
Ears burning, Lan Zhan shoves him back. Wei Ying cackles. "C'moooon! Tell me you missed me."
Instead, Lan Zhan says, "You brought your outside shoes into the bedroom."
Indignant, Wei Ying takes his hands and pins it over his head. "Say it!"
Lan Zhan glares.
"Stop glaring!" Wei Ying frowns.
His husband does not stop glaring.
"Lan Zhan," he raises an eyebrow in warning.
The audacity continues.
So Wei Ying brings his face down and wholeheartedly rubs his unshaven cheeks on Lan Zhan's smooth, clean ones. His husband squirms underneath him. "Wei Ying!" The shameless man only cackles and turns the assault into a shower of kisses peppering all over Lan Zhan's face.
When he rises back up, he's grinning. "Now you go to sleep and I'll join you after taking a shower."
In response to Lan Zhan's glare, he rubs their noses once again, before finally getting off.
"I did not miss you at all," Lan Zhan grumbles to his retreating back.
Wei Ying laughs, without turning back. "You're lying in the bed because you downed half a tub of ice cream, I think I know all I need to know."
Lan Zhan tries his best to stay up, to wait for Wei Ying to come to bed. In the end, he falls asleep to Wei Ying softly singing in the bathroom.
The day after, he calls Qin Su, to ask if Wei Ying is indeed in no trouble. It's not that he doesn't trust him, but his husband has a habit of understating his problems. Only after Qin Su confirms the same, does he breathe in relief. When he expresses disappointment over Wei Ying returning for a silly reason, she laughs and says, "You don't actually believe that, do you?"
"He had booked the flight much earlier than you fell ill," Qin Su tells him. "I think it was on the day you called us in the middle of the night. He was missing you a lot too."
"Oh," Lan Zhan blinks in surprise.
"Yeah he kept saying he didn't want you to know the flight timing." Qin Su offers, lost in thought. "Maybe he wanted to surprise you, because he was very particular about not letting you know when he was gonna be in the plane."
Quietly, Lan Zhan says, "Thankyou for letting me know."
His cold gets better the next day itself, but it does take a few days for him to fully recharge. Wei Ying spends the week working from home to finish up his remaining pile of work, and attending to him.
On Saturday, while grading papers in the evening, he receives a text and laughs out loud.
Wei Ying: Zhanzhan I've landed!!! Can't wait to see you 😻
That night, Lan Zhan makes soup dumplings for dinner. Hot and sour, and soul-burning red. When the doorbell rings, he's already smiling.
Wei Ying flings himself into his arms, terribly overdoing his, "I missed you, I missed you, I missed you so much." He's an atrocious actor in a regular roleplay. Somehow, he's even worse today. Once done with his overacting, he looks up, eyes shining. "Smells crazy good in here, what did you make?"
In response, Lan Zhan shoves him into the wall and captures him into a kiss, soft and rough, hard and delicate, ever so consuming. It's messy in a way that their teeth clink, their noses bust. It's perfect in a way that it's them. When Wei Ying stumbles them all the way over the pool table, Lan Zhan smiles. "Don't you want to try something new?" Eyes glinting, Wei Ying backs him up against the table. "Oh I do," he whispers. Moments later, Lan Zhan feels something cold on his wrists, it clicks before he can react, and then his wrists are locked behind him. Slowly, Wei Ying bends him on the table, facedown, mouth pressed into Lan Zhan's ear. "Guess what I brought you from there?"
Closing his eyes, Lan Zhan bares his throat for more. "I don't know," he breathes. "Windchimes?"
Wei Ying laughs, jingling, and places a smooch on his cheek. "I've brought that too."
He makes love to him right there on the table, similar yet so different from the last time. They make good use of Lan Zhan's remaining half tub of ice-cream too. The table does not differentiate, however. It rattles just the same.
In bed at night, with his head on Lan Zhan's chest, Wei Ying mumbles. "I'm never going away again."
Lan Zhan cannot agree with him, so he just pulls him in and spoons him to sleep, light and sated after a long while.
The morning after, when he finds a pair of blue handcuffs on the dresser, he decides to tell his brother that San Francisco is okay to visit.
When Wei Ying wakes up, sometime in the afternoon, he is hauled away to the balcony where Lan Zhan has already set up a bowl of water and one of their larger chairs. Pushing him into it, Lan Zhan plants himself onto Wei Ying's lap before he begins lathering the shaving cream on his face. Wei Ying relaxes back and lets out a content sigh.
"Are you free tonight?" Lan Zhan asks, while razing the underside of his chin.
Wei Ying's eyes light up. "Why? What are we doing?"
Lan Zhan glances up, shakes his head, and turns Wei Ying's face sideways to focus on the margin of his cheek. "I have to draw out the semester syllabus, you are helping me."
"Ahh ofcourse," Wei Ying pouts. "You only want me for the boring stuff."
Lan Zhan turns his face to the other side and says, "Keep still."
It's when he's towel drying Wei Ying's familiar clean face, surrounded by the smell of his aftershave under a sunny sky, and the aroma of warm baozi wafting from the kitchen inside that Lan Zhan realizes, things finally feel right.
They're with each other. They're home.
Bending down, he places a soft kiss on his husband's lips. "I love you."
The husband grins. "I love you more."