Chapter Text
“God, I hate being tied up.”
When he brings up the hanging-
He glances quick to Bellamy, they’ve had time on the ring to talk about this and get over it- to an extent-
Something’s are just shoved down and glossed over and-
Murphy knows what he did was wrong, to Bellamy- some seriously fucked up ptsd- temporary insanity shit- he killed two people and felt so god damn justified in it- they wanted him dead it was them or him and-
At the time Bellamy was an enemy-
But that’s not even what he knows he did wrong, it was how he-
The look on Bellamy’s face says it all, he had said enough in camp Jaha at the time to let him know what he thought of Murphy- some sort of sick perverse psycho fucker-
He shouldn’t have touched Bellamy like that and under a guise of violence-
Bellamy doesn’t say anything about it here in front of Clarke though of course.
Never says anything about it in front of anyone.
It was only ever when it was just the two of them he would glare at Murphy.
Murphy knows why- well not the why exactly- it was a fucked up moment of hysteria or something so many mixed fucking feelings in a moment- he was angry, he was hurt, he wanted Bellamy to hurt, to die, and he fucking-
He had the hots for Bellamy since day fucking one. It’s no excuse it’s just pieces to the fucked up puzzle that was shaking around In his broken brain.
When they decide to toss the keys to each other- Clarke doesn’t toss Bellamy’s-
Murphy laughs hard. As Clarke gives Bellamy an I’m sorry look.
“It’s better if we aren’t all running around.”
“I can help- “
“I’ll be back.”
And she takes off to the noises of Miller screaming.
Bellamy yanks on his chain before closing his eyes and plopping back down.
Murphy can’t wipe the smirk off his face.
Betrayed again. Classic Clarke-
Bellamy’s glaring hard at him and Murphy swallows.
“I don’t know what you expected.” Murphy mumbles.
“She doesn’t trust any of us anymore.”
Bellamy’s definitely getting on edge.
They sit listening but then the screaming stops.
“Stop looking at me like that-“
Murphy snaps against his own will, he’s feel anxious as hell, Bellamy looks like he wants to fucking murder him- but they got past it all, they are- they’re fucking family now, they are over it-
“Like what?” Bellamy sounds rough and mean-
“Like your a freak?”
It’s so jagged, it hurts- Murphy shakes his head.
“I asked Emori what you did to her-“
Murphy’s eyes snap open, what he did to Emori?
What did he do? He didn’t do shit to Emori, she’s the bitch that dumped him-
“She wouldn’t tell me but I knew, she was never safe with you, you had to have hurt her in some way she just wouldn’t say.”
Murphy’s sweating. He shakes his head laughing coldly.
“I- never. Fucking never-“
“Right. Your changed-“
Bellamy yanks on his chain suddenly shaking his head roughly
“I have to get out of here-“ looking around suddenly like he just realized they are trapped.
Are they fucking trapped? Murphy looks around- Clarke never came back.
It’s quiet except for Bellamy’s sudden violent struggle.
He’s turned towards the wall using both hands to tug at his chain kicking at the wall and making these desperate low noises- freaking out he’s freaking the fuck out.
Murphy tries to breathe- no- no- they aren’t trapped.
“Calm down.” Murphy snaps holding his own head.
They are supposed to be in here-
It just fixates Bellamy’s attention on him.
“Calm down?!”
“All you ever do is wait for everyone else to solve all the problems!”
Bellamy growls out yanking hard-
“Your going to break your goddamn arm Bellamy!”
Murphy stands he wants to pace and think- he needs to think- his chain is too short.
“Like you fucking care, you don’t really care about anyone-“
Murphy steps towards him so fucking angry- how could he fucking say that!
Bellamy flinches- it makes Murphy’s stomach plunge- before rebounding double angry stepping as close to Murphy as possible with their chains.
“I bet your enjoying this.” Bellamy growls out shifting his chain.
“You get off on this shit.”
Murphy frowns. He wipes at his head. He can’t fucking be in here with Bellamy- listening to this shit-
The scalpel- he cuts his cuff- he needs- he needs somewhere alone so he can think- Bellamy’s wrong, he just wrong!
He grips the scalpel tight. Suddenly just staring at it. What was he doing-
“Murphy. Cut me lose.” Bellamy says sharply.
Murphy starts looking up- fuck he almost forgot Bellamy was even fucking there-
Bellamy is sweating profusely- Murphy takes a deep breath and wipes at his own sweaty forehead- he feels so fucking weird. Sick.
“No fucking way.” Murphy mumbles his voice feels thick and syrupy.
Bellamy glares at him. “Your so fucking selfish, you’d let us all die to save your own skin every fucking time.”
He’s getting really sick of hearing this shit- everyone thinks he’s so fucking awful as if they haven’t done shit probably ten times worse than Murphy.
“Yeah, you know. Maybe I fucking would.” He realizes suddenly-
He’s free. Bellamy’s not, he has the power here, he’s in charge.
“But your no fucking better than me.” He gestures at Bellamy with the scalpel.
Bellamy’s eyes catch on it immediately- that damn tactile survivors instinct Bellamy’s so fucking good at honing in-
Bellamy freaks, tugging at his chain- “you fucking try it Murphy!”
It spazzes Murphy out he drops his hand holding the scalpel to his side, his other holding his head “Jesus- calm the fuck down!” He yells.
“You’re always freaking the fuck out- over every little thing-“
He doesn’t even know what he’s talking about anymore, he feels so fucking angry and fucking guilty and fucking -
Bellamy’s yanking at his chain hard again-
He hates Murphy. Murphy realizes- he thought- he thought they were past it.
Murphy stares at him in horror- he hates him- Emori hates him- Clarke hates him- they all fucking hate him- he has no friends here- no fucking allys-
He takes a step back from Bellamy’s struggle. They’ll all band together and kill him-
He shakes his head angrily at Bellamy “I don’t care what you think about me.”
He grits out. “I’ll kill all of you before I let you lynch me again.”
Bellamy laughs nastily “lynch you! You’d fucking love that- isn’t that what gets you off Murphy?”
Murphy glowers his whole body hot and sweaty and flushed with shame and anger
“You’re the one who got off! I barely fucking touched you!”
Bellamy shakes his head violently- like he’s physically trying to shake something out of his brain.
“Get the fuck away from me-“ he says viciously.
Murphy grits his teeth. Yeah. Yeah he has to get the hell out of here- he turns and runs.
-
He sits with the guns. Ready for fucking anything- but nothing happens.
While he’s sitting alone, hugging the rifle to his chest comfortingly- he breathes and calms down.
Nobody’s coming to get him. He realizes, he doesn’t even know why he thought they were.
He can still taste the pollen in the air. He stares off at the double suns high in the sky.
Where is Clarke, he remembers- if she was anything like him and Bellamy- fuck.
He pushes himself up, wipes at his forehead- he has this. He can keep it together- find Clarke.
-
Murphy leans against the wall near Clarke and Jackson and Miller.
They all tranq’d themselves or each other.
He wrapped up Millers bloody arm best he could.
He stole everybody’s keys. Just in case. What a terrible fucking plan- or maybe not. Everyone so far seems fine.
He stands near the wall. See’s motion from out the window- fuck someone else got loose-
But no, it’s Dr. Griffin and Octavia. He rolls his eyes, fucking great.
Well. At least she can do something for Miller- it didn’t seem that bad but Murphy’s not a doctor.
“Over here.” He calls out, they look up at him startled.
“Miller’s injured.”
Dr. Griffin nods.
Guess the air is safe now. He glances at his feet at everyone and dumps there keys to the ground.
Now he just has Bellamy’s.
-
Bellamy looks like shit. He’s holding his shoulder like it hurts- hopefully he didn’t dislocate it or something.
His eyes are closed. Eyes all red from pollen or crying or whatever the hell happened after Murphy left him alone and ignored his screaming for the past couple of hours.
“Hey.” Murphy mumbles.
Bellamy looks up miserably.
“You’re alive.”
Murphy huffs out a small laugh.
“Yeah, what did you think was happening?”
Bellamy shakes his head.
“I don’t know- I- I- I went insane.” He half chokes out his voice raw.
Murphy hmms fingering at the key in his pocket.
“Yeah, everyone did.” He still feels the odd burn of truly thinking they all hated him.
“Do you trust me?” He mutters out, it feels awful to ask. He doesn’t want to hear the answer.
Bellamy stares at him, his wet eyes intense and Murphy wishes he could look away. Every second that passes his heart drops a little lower, heavier.
“Yeah. I trust you.” Bellamy says through a sore sounding voice.
Murphy doesn’t believe it. Shouldn’t even have put it out into the air enough to ask and force Bellamy to lie to him.
It’s not like he really trusts him either. Clarke doesn’t trust them. None of them trust each other even a little bit.
He pulls out the key tossing it to Bellamy.
They’ve been through a lot together, there’s been a lot of downs- betrayals- and some more easy going times- the ring- for a little bit- sort of- sometimes.
But it all just stacks up doesn’t it? A teetering tower. It doesn’t erase what happened before just tries to bury it. There’s still tension and resentment and distrust-
Bellamy unlocks himself and clasps Murphy’s arm- “Everyone else is alright?”
Murphy nods. “Everyone else was smart enough to tranq themselves.”
Bellamy releases him scoffing with a forced amused look, “you calling me an idiot?”
Murphy snorts. “Depends, you still want to kill me?”
Bellamy frowns. “Of course not.”
Murphy turns with a shrug. “Yeah, you’re a fucking idiot.”