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Lessons Shared: Roles Reversed

Summary:

As an honorary Nara, Kakashi is obligated to put his shadow to use. Shikako walks him through his first shadow twitch.

Notes:

I've had this fic in my incomplete documents folder since shortly after I posted "Shikaku's Response to Kakashi Joining the Nara" and, in an effort to declutter my brain so as to work on a couple other larger writing projects (the Malicious Compliance 'verse and the Teammates Come First series), I've made a push to complete this series. Ittle be 5 oneshots total. I intend to leave it ambiguous about where Shikako and Kakashi's relationship goes. (Ie, it can be read as they adopt each-other into each-other's clans, or they get hitched... but reader's choice on how it's taken.)

This piece makes the most sense if you've read the first piece in this series. Reading all the fics that inspired it aren't necessary, but "How Kakashi got Adopted by the Nara" by Voldecourt *was* kinda the springboard for "Shikaku's Response...", so I definitely encourage reading that one too! (It's quite short.)

A special thanks to Neutral_Zone who has, once again, been a fantastic beta for this fic. :)

(See the end of the work for more notes.)

Work Text:

Shikako waited in one of the deeper clearings of the Nara’s woods.  Hashirama trees ringed a small patch of sunlight.  She was sure Kakashi would be late, but, as uncomfortable as his inclusion into the Nara clan was to him… because feelings, he understood the honor it was to be accepted into another’s clan.  He wouldn’t delay more than an hour.  

(The Uchiha clan might have snubbed him despite him keeping Obito’s eye, but the Nara, while they might judge observe him diligently, the Nara would accept him.  They knew not to push Shikaku or Shikako about the retroactive honorary adoption.  They were well warned not to mention the marriage side of shadow sharing.)

This would be their first lesson in the shadow arts together.   As tradition demanded, she had written out the “Primer of Shadows” in preparation of training Kakashi’s shadow; she had memorized it word-for-word, and, just as it had been written out to her, she transcribed it for Kakashi.  She would walk him through the exercises, coach him into the mindset required, and coax his shadow to mimic hers.  He would memorize the scroll (as all those of the clan had) and then, once he’d completed each exercise of the document, submerge it in his shadow and light it aflame.

She settled herself into the middle of the clearing, allowing herself to fall into a light meditation.  Her senses were open to her surroundings as she turned her focus to the senses of her shadow.  It had taken months of infrequent meditation after the fire temple (and an application of so many sensory techniques), but she could now feel the nature of shadows.  It was easiest when items were in their rawest form: Hashirama trees, people, animals, lightning, fire, water, air.  Their shadows reflected their natures.  The more treated, the more mixed the item whose shadow she was sensing, the more difficult it was to discern its nature (some items were so processed, it was barely worth attempting). 

The shadows of the Hashirama trees sang to hers of home, clan, protection, and growth.  Her spiritual energies were bolstered by the immovability of the earth nature they reflected.  Beyond the mild boosting of actions compatible with the intentions and natures of the shadows she used, she had not yet determined just how the natures of shadow might be utilized, but she rather suspected that it would be primarily a spiritual trick, if tangentially also a physical one.

It was short moments after she had sensed his buzzing and obfuscated chakra (Kakashi-sensei’s marker training was effective if nothing else), that the shadows of the Hashirama trees increased their call of clan, protection, and ‘welcome home.’  It provided an announcement of his presence, now that she knew to listen for it.  

Kakashi paused slightly within the ring of trees, a barely notable hesitation as he took in her meditating form before he forced himself forward with a bracing breath.  The dryer grass across from her crinkled slightly as he settled a few feet from her. 

She opened her eyes.  Between her chakra sensing and her long experience reading his tells, she could detect a bit of tension, a bit of uneasiness.  He hasn’t really been a part of a clan in a long time, has he? she thought.  He had to feel a bit like a fish out of water, hadn’t he?

Well.  She could help with that .  Clear instruction had to help, right?

“Kakashi,” she greeted, deliberately leaving off the suffix.  It felt a little strange, but they’d soon be working with each other’s spiritual energies.  (As the one teaching, she could reasonably expect him to call her sensei, or senpai, but that felt even stranger to her.  Hopefully he’d feel the same.)  He hummed in response, a slight shift in his shoulders displayed an acknowledgement—likely of the change in address.  It wasn’t like it would’ve passed him by, after all.  He didn’t call her on it, though, which was a minor relief.

“You’ve been completing the meditation exercises that I provided you?” she checked.

There was a brief, split-second hesitation.  “Three times each week, both this and last.”  No explanation or excuse was given.  (He was ANBU too.  She didn’t expect either.)  It wasn’t as often as she’d prefer it to have been; the more instinctively a balanced meditation could occur, the more safely one could reach for their shadow. (Shikako recalled her dad telling them—Shikamaru and her—that if they got bored in class that they could spend some time meditating… she was pretty sure that Shikamaru had at least made token efforts to meditate before falling asleep.  Given the frequent Nara passtime of napping—and meditation disguised as napping—Shikako suspected that this was advice that many Nara parents had given their children since the creation of the Academy.)

“Okay, let’s run through the exercises now,” Shikako decided.  At the barest tightening around his eye and his instinctive twitch towards the perimeter, she flexed her chakra.  If he was that concerned about privacy… well.  She had come prepared. Chakra flared to life around them before its presence faded into the background of her senses.  There was no visible effect, but there was no way that a jōnin of his caliber missed her activation.

In proof of this belief his eye met hers in an unvoiced question. “I prepared a barrier for protection and privacy—a variant of the hamster-ball seal.  Was—was that okay?” she asked, realizing abruptly that she probably should have given him warning, or gotten his agreement, or something, rather than risk putting him more on edge. 

His shoulders relaxed at her explanation, and he eyed her with amusement.  “Such a prepared sensei you are,” he teased lightly, but then confirmed, “ Mah, it’s fine.”  He settled into a traditional meditation pose, clearly willing to move ahead with the lesson.    

Okay then.  She focused herself, deciding it was best to provide some light instruction, “As you work through the meditation, I’ll monitor your progress and your shadow and provide instruction when your energies have properly balanced.” 

She felt no need to talk him through the meditation; as new as he was to it, he was a professional in following instructions, and it would be easy enough to sense him going through each step.  Especially so, if she kept her sensing sharp and stretched her shadow to comfortably cradle his.  She did just that as he closed his eyes. 

(It was a proven method, actually, for the one teaching shadows to wrap their trainee within their own shadow when first teaching meditation.  It was a way to monitor progress, yes, but it also offered a measure of security for the trainee (often a child) being taught and helped them focus their mind on the task they’d been given.)

Teaching clan techniques was private—as the clan technique label implied—but for the Nara it was more than that.  Shadows were the reflection of a person, the Beautiful, the Terrible, the Great and the Hidden.  They were as Ephemeral as they were Real and were as Solid as they were the Absence of light.  Understanding, if not also acceptance, of oneself was essential for the safe practice of shadows. (Acceptance more so, the more advanced a technique one was practicing.)

It felt… odd, to be the sensei of the two of them.  There was a vulnerability inherent in the status of student. …And Kakashi had seen her during her recovery from falling into the black.  And, to be aware of the dangers, to be willing to balance one’s energies in the presence of another, and to be in a position of novice while doing so; it was astounding , the trust that Kakashi was giving to her, even despite his well hidden skittish displays.

Shikako suddenly noticed her shadow subtly roiling, and paused.  What was… oh.  That was fear.  She was afraid of messing up Kakashi, and she’d unthinkingly tried to shove that fear away so she could focus.  Shikako took a deep breath and let it out slowly.  Best to reason through this before it causes problems. 

This is a valid fear, she told herself, because I care about Kakashi.  This is an unnecessary fear, because we’re not going very far today.  And Shikaku trusts me to do this.  Kakashi is a competent shinobi, who knows the risk, and we’re taking this slowly.  And I’m following a tried and true method—almost all Nara die without having messed themselves up irrevocably with shadow manipulation… and those who do almost all were trying to do something to themselves anyway.

Shikako felt her fear subside, and her shadows calm again.  Good.

Across from Shikako, Kakashi breathed out a near silent breath, coming to the end of the meditation cycle she’d previously described.  His shadow was balanced and as connected to him as it needed to be to try this first step.  She hummed a few acknowledging notes, a code meaning to hold one’s position despite a change of script.  (It was a specialized code, one meant for Konoha’s infiltrators.  She’d learned it from—from her shift in Intel.  Kakashi had probably picked it up during an ANBU mission–maybe.  He’d had a pretty long career, after all, so he might have picked it up elsewhere.)  As she’d hoped, this subtler form of communication had him simply respond with an acknowledging hum, his shadow remaining undisturbed.

With this confirmation, she continued, quietly speaking the words her father had once spoken to her: “The manipulation of shadows is part mental, part chakra, and part will.  Our mind shapes our actions, our chakra interacts with our shadow, and our will directs the process.  Lack one from the others and nothing will occur.  The mental energies of our chakra is a bridge between our minds and the shadow, the physical energies of our chakra and the emergence of our will make our shadow more real .”  She paused, allowing him to absorb the lesson unhurried, and then continued, adjusting the script due to the situation, “You’ve been gifted the lightest shade of my shadow, a portion of my spiritual energies made real through a decade’s long practice in the shadow arts.  My final will to that shade was for your protection and aid.  It will be a support as you connect with your own shadow.” 

Kakashi dipped his head in a measured nod, eye still closed as he listened to her voice.  “For this first step—this first conscious connection to your shadow, I will wrap my shadow tangibly around you.  You won’t be restrained, but you will feel its presence.  Focus your senses on my shadow as I connect it to yours.  Feel the moment of the connection, and then focus your mind, chakra, and will to repeat the process yourself.  Focus just as much with your mind and will as with your chakra.  A balance is needed or nothing will occur.  I will repeat the connection after you’ve had a chance to copy the action.  This exercise is to teach your brain and chakra the pattern of connection you need to interact with your shadow.” 

He dipped his head in another measured nod and she could feel his chakra unconsciously focusing on his hands.  Doing so wasn’t wrong per se, but it was the action of a novice; shadows were a reflection of the whole of one’s being, it might take hand signs to manipulate one’s chakra for an actual shadow jutsu… but for a connection—not necessarily.

Shikako set her words to action, enveloping his form more securely.  She could feel points of tension along his shoulders and arms and she pressed her shadows along those knots.  It wasn’t a massage so much as a gentle reminder—a statement that she was there, that she was with him, and that he should relax.  He tensed just a smidge at first, but then relaxed incrementally.  

In response, she slowly connected her shadow to his, slowly stretching her control over it and gently brushing against the portion of her shadow that she’d left within his.  He flinched back—a good sign, no matter how unsettling the clear connection felt to him.

Shikako firmed up the shadows she held bracing his back, not so much a correction, as a tangible support. 

She withdrew the shadow’s connection and waited for him to try.  Kakashi’s attempts were fumbling, like a child in the dark trying to feel his way out of an unfamiliar room.  Sometimes the spiritual portion of his chakra would surge, sometimes his shadows would become more heavy with will , sometimes the two would balance and then fall flat… but after each attempt, she’d have the tangible shadows wrapped around him give a brief press against his shoulders in comfort before displaying the connection again. 

Time meant very little during this training, both for her and for him, but eventually it happened.  Shikako felt his will balancing perfectly with his mental and physical energies, and his chakra extended the combination cautiously until— finally —his shadow twitched.  His eye flew open and he jerked back involuntarily, the precarious balance dropped.

She loosened her shadow slightly, but would not drop it until he’d settled.  He took a deep breath, centering himself in the ANBU way, before locking his eye on hers.  She kept her shoulders steady and allowed understanding to play across her features; one’s shadow was a tool, yes.  But it was also an extension of oneself… and she knew better than most of her clanmates how unsettling it is to first connect to that part of oneself after one was fully grown.

She could offer him some comfort, “For most Nara, they’ll grow into that understanding of themselves.  But sometimes something about yourself will surprise you…”  She trailed off briefly, clearly remembering such incidents herself.  “...or you’ll look less into your own shadow and too much into the Shadow itself—too focused on the goal to maintain a stable footing.  Falling into that shadow, that is ‘falling into the black’.”  Her eyes trailed away from his face and her voice took on the cadence of a quote, “If you gaze into the abyss, the abyss gazes also into you.”  Her memories of the black were written tellingly within her posture. 

Kakashi glanced away, giving her a moment of privacy as she mentally re-boxed her experiences.  Eventually, she seemed more settled and her shadow was only held loosely against him, so he asked, “Was that your first time teaching this technique?” 

“Yeah, it’s tradition to teach shadows as we’ve been taught them… and it’s easy enough to adjust for the current circumstances.”  Shikako glanced away briefly but continued speaking, “Dad might have given me some pointers, but since you’ve got the lightest shade of my shadow, it’s only proper that I’m the one to teach you these things.”  

(These first steps to shadow-jutsu—they were intimate .  That first connection was not just a twitch of a tool, but was also a way of looking into one’s self.  Even had it not been tradition for her to teach him due to the circumstances, she would not do him the disservice of leaving him to display such vulnerability to a Nara who was not acknowledged as team .)

It was Kakashi’s turn to look away at that statement, “Regardless of the help you received, you… did well, teaching it.”  Shikako looked towards his face, encouraged by the praise.  He met her eyes as he continued, “Connecting to one’s shadow—it’s an exercise of mindset just as much as balanced energies, isn’t it?” 

Shikako nodded.  “Yes.  Our energies are our own.  We have to know ourselves to most effectively work with our shadow.”

Kakashi gave an understanding hum.  “Is that the end of the lesson for today then?”

She looked past his shoulder, clearly weighing her options.  They’d been at this for a few hours already, and the first connection with one’s shadow was always rather jarring.  “It would be best to build on the progress you’ve made, so we should practice again tomorrow.  In the meantime, you can practice the meditation exercise, but don’t attempt to connect with your shadow again without me there.  You’re smart enough that you could manage it, and I don’t want to risk you falling into the black when practicing alone.  My presence and my shadow acts as a safety net during these exercises, you know?”

“Ah, that—makes sense.”  His tone gave off a sense of… something.  Maybe apprehension.  Probably understanding as well.  “Until noon tomorrow then?”  He twitched his arms, a reminder that she still held her shadow surrounding him. 

Shikako fought down a blush, brushing her shadow across his shoulders in a brief squeeze before withdrawing it back towards herself.  “Sorry about that.”  It really hadn’t been necessary to hold the shadows surrounding him for quite so long.  So embarrassing.

“Mah, it’s fine.”  He lifted a hand to ruffle her hair—she didn’t bother to dodge (but she did roll her eyes a bit), and then she sensed her sealing barrier fall when he unrepentantly shunshined out of it.  

Now alone in the clearing, she glanced down at the ground where she’d set his copy of the “Primer of Shadows”.  She’d completely forgotten to pass it to him to begin to memorize.  An internal shrug later—Kakashi would be Kakashi, after all—and she concluded that tomorrow would come soon enough.

Notes:

For fair credit, I can't recall from where/whom the "hamster-ball seal" first appeared, but I'm fond of the premise, so enjoyed giving a nod to it here.

[Edit: Clmineith was kind enough to supply the following!; the "hamster-ball seal" was from the "Unexpected Sensei" series by VagabondDawn and wafflelate.]

I've gotten most of the content for the next two oneshots mapped out, and a vague plan for the final one, so hopefully this series can be marked complete before July. :) (I'm moving in 2 weeks though, so hopefully real life won't be too difficult with this plan!)

Please leave Kudos and/or Comments if you liked this piece! They're a fantastic encouragement and I greatly appreciate each one!!!

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