Chapter Text
As time ticked on by for what seemed like forever, Hiccup wondered if he'd ever wake up. Maybe he was stuck in his mind forever. Only able to feel his pain. He couldn't hear or see anything. He thought perhaps he'd gone blind as a result, but he could see his own body. He wondered if he'd gone deaf, but he could hear his fingers tapping against his knee.
"Any changes?" He heard a voice ask in the distance.
"A lot of the swelling has gone down. The bruises are beginning to fade. He's also breathing easier," another replied. "All of which is a good sign that he'll pull through."
Hiccup stood up and began walking toward the voices. As the voices grew louder, the brighter everything got. He began to notice blurry shapes and objects forming around him. He smelled herbs and fire. All his senses were coming back to him the closer he got to the voices.
He eventually found himself lying on his side, staring at two women talking by the fire. One was blonde with blue eyes and porcelain white skin. The other was dark-haired with brown eyes and dark brown skin. Hiccup recognized them as Astrid and Torra. Not wanting to interrupt their conversation just yet, Hiccup didn't say anything and just watched them.
"How are the kids handling?" Torra asked.
"Worried about when they'll see their dad again," Astrid answered. "I've been trying to keep them updated, but it's hard when they can't see him."
Hiccup decided this was his chance to chime in. "Now seems like a good time for the kids to visit, don't you think?"
Astrid turned and stared at Hiccup, mouth open, looking stunned. She quickly regained her senses and ran to her husband's bedside. Torra was right behind her.
"Try not to move," Torra urged. "Let me examine you first."
"Wasn't planning on it," Hiccup promised as his wife sat in the nearby chair, taking hold of his good hand.
"How are you feeling?" Astrid asked, laying her cheek on his hand.
If it didn't hurt so much, Hiccup would have raised an "are you joking" eyebrow at her. "Like I was set on fire then put out."
"Stupid question, I know," Astrid said. "How about this one? What's the last thing you remember?"
Hiccup had to think for a moment. He knew it had something to do with Johann being in the Hidden World. A vague memory of a battle tugged in the back of his mind, but other than that, he couldn't remember much. "I remember fighting and Johann being there. Should I remember more? Is it important that I do?" Worry had filled his voice. Were they at war again? Did he see something that was vital to keeping Berk safe?
Astrid shook her head. "No, babe. It's okay that you don't remember right now. It'll come back to you eventually."
"How did I get hurt?" Hiccup asked, needing to know.
Tears filled Astrid's eyes. "From what we can tell, Johann took you hostage and worked you over pretty good." She didn't want to use the word 'torture' just yet. Hiccup needed to remember on his own. Then again, maybe not remembering would be a gift from the gods. She wiped the tears away and stood up. "You have a long recovery ahead of you. Why don't you let Torra check you over while I go let the kids know you're awake."
"Will you bring them by?" Hiccup asked, wanting to see his kids again.
"Later tonight if you're still feeling up to it," Astrid promised as she leaned and gently placed a kiss on his forehead before walking away.
After she was gone, Torra went about examining her patient. She cleaned up the wounds on his hand and leg, rubbed a new coating of healing salve over them, and wrapped them up in clean bandages. "No sign of infection in either wound. Now I have to look at your back and shoulder. I'm going to see if Spitelout can help sit you up."
"I can sit myself up," Hiccup said. But before he could even attempt it Torra held him down.
"No, you might rip out your stitches," Torra stated. "Your back is in terrible shape from what appears to have been a whipping. Moving without assistance isn't recommended. Just stay still while I go get Spitelout."
As she stepped outside, Hiccup found himself zoning out as a memory resurfaced. He found himself tied to a sconce as a whip tore through his flesh. He heard his blood loudly hitting the floor of a cave as the sound echoed.
When he managed to bring himself back to reality, the chief found himself sitting up as two pairs of concerned eyes stared at him. "What happened?"
"You tell us, lad," Spitelout replied. "We came in, and you were staring at nothing."
Hiccup swallowed thickly. "I don't know. Torra said something about being whipped, and I guess a memory resurfaced. I got lost remembering."
Spitelout nodded in understanding. "It's okay. Happens to the best of us. Let's get these bandages off of you, lad. Once yer all cleaned up we'll lay you back down so you can sleep a bit."
Hiccup let them care for his injuries and help him get back into bed. As soon as his head hit the pillow, he was sound asleep.
"Should we be worried about him staring off like that?" Torra asked. "I've never seen anyone do that before."
"I have," Spitelout admitted rubbing the back of his head as he sat in the bedside chair. "All too often. It's a side effect of living through things such as war, torture, witnessing death, etc. Stoick once called it Shell Shock. It affects everyone differently. Some drown in memories, unable to escape. Some react violently when something triggers a memory. A few have managed to learn to live with the memories and have normal lives."
"Which one do you think the chief will be?" Torra asked as she walked over to the hearth to add more wood.
"Hiccup is a strong man," Spitelout said. "Fought in many battles, held prisoner, lost his leg. He always came out on the other side more or less okay. He's struggled in moving forward but always had a support system to help him through. No matter the outcome, his family and friends will be by his side. I can't see any of them abandoning him."
Hiccup slept for another three days before waking up again. When he woke up, he found Astrid sitting in the chair with Nuffink asleep on top of her, cuddled up like he was a newborn. Astrid herself was holding their son up with one hand while skimming through a book with the other. As content as he would be to lay there and watch his wife and son, he was starving.
"Hi," Hiccup said, getting his wife's attention.
Astrid looked over at Hiccup and closed the book. "Hi."
He watched as Astrid carefully stood up and carried Nuffink over to another nearby bed, laying him down. She walked back over and sat down once more. "How are you feeling?"
"Sore but tolerable," Hiccup answered.
Astrid took hold of his good hand. "That's good to hear. Most of your injuries are almost healed up. According to Torra, your back and hand are still the main concerns."
Hiccup looked at his bandaged hand and tried to flex his fingers, only to be greeted with stiffness and pain. "Well, at least I can still kinda move it."
"Torra thinks that with some exercises, you should be able to regain basic use of your hand," Astrid explained. "Your back is a different story, though. She won't be sure how bad the damage is until it's more healed up and you're able to move."
"We'll cross that bridge when we get there," Hiccup said, trying to sound optimistic. "But right now, we have more pressing concerns."
"Like what?" Astrid asked.
Hiccup gave her a small smile. "The fact that I'm hungry."
The blonde warrior suppressed her urge to laugh so as not to wake up their son. "Well, you haven't eaten in probably over a week, so it's understandable that you're hungry." She stood up and walked over to the hearth that had a cauldron full of stew hanging over it. She filled up a bowl and brought it over. "Some boar stew should fill you right up." Very carefully, she began to feed her husband small bites of the stew.
"What's Nuffink doing here?" Hiccup asked between bites.
"He had a nightmare and wanted me," Astrid answered. "So Eret brought him here. It was quicker than coming to get me."
"What was the nightmare about?" Hiccup wondered, worried for his son.
"Losing you," Astrid replied. "He's scared he'll lose his father and grow up not knowing why you left us."
"I'm not going anywhere," Hiccup promised.
"I know that," Astrid said, setting the bowl down on the floor. "But all they know is that you stayed behind and came back very badly hurt. At the time, none of us knew if you would make it. I probably didn't help matters but not letting them come to see you after we got back. I didn't want them to see you in that condition or risk seeing you die in front of them."
Hiccup didn't like it, but he understood her reasoning. She didn't want to taint what might have been their final memory of their father. "How's Zephyr handling it?"
"About the same as Nuffink, but she's trying to be the brave big sister and be a sense of comfort while I'm not there," Astrid answered.
"And much time have you spent with them since we got back?" Hiccup wondered as his brow furrowed with worry.
"An hour or so in the morning before sending them off to school," Astrid said. "After that, I'd spend my time here, watching over you."
"You should have prioritized our kids," Hiccup stated as if it was obvious.
Astrid looked away from her husband and over to her youngest. "I know, but at the time, I was so worried I'd lose you I couldn't stand not being here if you passed."
"Well, now that we know I'm not going anywhere, I want you to take Nuffink home and spend time with our kids. Let them come and see me. I miss them." Hiccup said. "If anything is wrong, Torra will let you know. Got it?"
Astrid nodded. "Got it."
It wasn't often the two fought or disagreed on how to take care of the children. But thankfully, when they did fight, it was mild and over rather quickly. Hiccup could see and understand why Astrid did what she did. When they were teenagers, having her sit vigil while he recovered, and vice versa, was one thing. They didn't have kids at the time. But now they do, and children always come first. The injured partner comes second. The kids need a healthy parent to look after them and reassure them. Having a constant parental presence during a rough time helps them in the long run in terms of acceptance and moving forward.
Hiccup watched as Astrid carefully picked up their still-sleeping son and carried him out the door. After they left, Hiccup tried to go back to sleep, but he felt restless as memories slowly seeped into his mind. He remembered seeing Toothless fall from the air, being stabbed in the shoulder and hand. His back felt like it was being whipped again. He could feel the rope burns from being tied to a chair as Johann punched him over and over again, breaking his ribs in the process.
His body shuddered at the memories, causing him to experience a jolt of pain. He bit his lip to keep from making a noise as the wave of pain engulfed his body. He waited for the pain to lessen, but it seemed to get worse as time ticked on by. Unable to bear it anymore, he called out for help, hoping someone was nearby to answer.
Thankfully Torra had been upstairs and came rushing down to help her patient. "What's wrong?"
"Pain," Hiccup answered through gritted teeth. "Everywhere."
"Did you try moving?" Torra asked as she removed the blanket keeping Hiccup warm and began examining him.
"Involuntary jerk reaction," Hiccup managed to reply.
Torra moved to the other side of the bed and saw that the bandages covering his back were red with his blood. "Looks like your stitches broke. We have to sit you up and restitch your wounds. Spitelout isn't here to help, so we have to work together to get you up."
Hiccup gave her a slight nod. "Okay."
Torra took hold of his good shoulder with one hand and wedged the other under Hiccup. "This is going to hurt, and I apologize in advance. On the count of three, use your forearms to push yourself up while trying to swing your legs over the edge. Got it?"
"Got it," Hiccup said.
"One... two... three," Torra counted as she put all her strength into getting Hiccup into a sitting position. As she pulled, Hiccup pushed and swung his legs over. The chief bit his lip to keep from screaming as tears streamed down his face.
Once Hiccup was sitting up, he felt himself swaying as he tried to find balance. Thankfully Torra managed to catch him and hold him up while she grabbed the chair. She positioned it so that her patient could lean on it while she gathered her supplies.
Hiccup watched as Torra rushed around, getting what she needed in order to reclose his wounds. He remembered when she first came to Berk. She was only a teenager when she showed up. Everyone's first thought was that she was a spy for Grimmel and wanted revenge, so they welcomed her but stayed wary. The sense of wariness soon faded when they realized she had an unnatural knack for healing. Gothi took the young girl under her wing and taught her everything there was to know about healing. Sadly the lessons were short-lived when Gothi finally passed a couple of years later.
"How long have you been with us?" Hiccup asked out of the blue, trying to divert his focus from the pain.
"It'll be ten years in a few months," Torra answered as she broke up some willow bark and dumped it into a small pot along with some valerian flowers.
"Your trial period is almost up," Hiccup stated. "You'll be a full member of the tribe then. You must be excited."
Torra placed the pot over the fire, allowing the willow bark and valerian to heat up. "Yeah, I guess so."
"Have you made your speech yet?" Hiccup questioned.
"Not yet," Torra said dismissively, filling her arms up with bandages and sewing supplies.
"Why not? It's an important moment in your life," Hiccup pointed out. "You'll be a full-fledged member of the Hooligan tribe."
"Not everyone likes that idea, though," Torra commented, removing the pot from the hearth and pouring the hot liquid into a cup. "The older members still see me as an outsider, a threat. Most refuse to let me treat them."
Hiccup frowned at the realization that some of his tribe still wouldn't trust her. "Want me to talk to them? I can be very persuasive. Or I can banish them?"
Torra gave the chief a small smile. "No thanks. I can handle them." She brought the cup over. "Here. Have a few sips. It'll help with the pain and relax you." She placed the cup on Hiccup's lips and helped take a few drinks.
It didn't take long for the drink to take effect. The pain dulled as Hiccup felt his body relax. He could feel as Torra removed the broken stitches and wipe away the blood. He barely felt as she sewed him back up. To him, the whole experience felt like his kids were trying to tickle him, so he'd get out of bed to play with them.
Once Torra was done and wrapped new bandages around him, she walked around to face him. "Let's take a look at your hand while I have the supplies out."
Hiccup held his hand out as best he could so she could look. "Astrid wouldn't say how bad I actually am. Either she knows and doesn't want to scare me, or you didn't tell her." Torra gave him a look of worry and shock. "Just because I'm feeling a tad loopy and out of pain doesn't mean I'm incapable of thinking straight."
"I-I didn't want her to worry," Torra replied. "I wanted to see what kind of progress you'd make first."
"Well," Hiccup said. "I can still feel all my fingers. I'm quite lucid and able to think straight. Pretty sure my back has significant damage that will never heal correctly. Probably going to be using a walking staff for the rest of my life. How am I doing so far?"
Torra carefully unwrapped the bandages on his hand and began to look it over. "Pretty close. You'll be bedridden for the next several months before you'll be able to relearn how to walk. That whip broke more than skin. It tore through muscles and nerves. I wouldn't be shocked if your spine is broken in some places, as for your hand. I'm doing what I can. I don't think I'll have to amputate. One of the traders coming tomorrow has some of the latest medical texts. I'm hoping there's something in them that will help. Your leg and shoulder are healing just fine, though. I'll be able to take the stitches out of them in a couple of days. It's a long road to recovery, but I think you'll make it through just fine."
"Now for the big question," Hiccup sighed. "After all is said and done, will I still be capable of leading this tribe?"
Torra grabbed a fresh roll of bandages. "I don't see why not. I doubt people will stop looking up to you just because of your injuries. You still have all of your mental faculties, meaning you can still lead. However, you might have to delegate some of the more physically demanding tasks to someone else."
Hiccup looked at the healer, then down at his battered body. He thought back to being in the cave, unable to fight back and not knowing if he would be saved. His body had given up, and he was ready to accept death. Then at the last second, Toothless and Astrid charged in, killing Johann. The next thing he knew, he was waking up in this hut, unable to move. Even now, even though he was sitting up, he needed assistance. He was looking at months of recovery, relearning the basics like he was a baby again. Even then, there was no telling what he'll be capable of doing. He'd have to rely on other people to take care of him. That was something he'd never wanted.
The chief looked back up at Torra. "I need you to promise me something. And you can't tell anyone what you promised until it's fulfilled."
Torra stared at Hiccup as a sick feeling seeped through her. "I won't tell."
"If I am unable to recover to a certain point where my quality of life is worth all of this, I want you to put me out of my suffering," Hiccup asked. "I don't want to live if I can't make the most out of life."
After a moment of silence to let what the chief said sink in, Torra nodded. "I promise. I also promise to do everything in my power to make sure you have a quality of life worth living."
Hiccup nodded. He knew she would hold true to both promises. "Good. Remember, you can't tell anyone. Any questions you have about it, just ask me."
Torra finished up her care and helped lay Hiccup back down on the bed without another word. She had him take a few more sips of the valerian willow bark tea to help him fall asleep before returning upstairs to her bed. Sadly sleep had evaded her, so she spent the night lying in bed staring up at the ceiling.