Chapter Text
Loki sat up on the edge of the bed to get a better look and make sure his eyes weren't deceiving him. Sylvie's fingers glided across the bass neck with ease and skill, while her other hand sang the notes and chords perfectly. It was a rapid succession of high and low notes that she achieved without much effort.
“It's amazing…” Loki whispered in shock when Sylvie finished. “Who taught you to play like that?” he asked with a bright smile.
“I taught myself,” she answered simply. Getting up to put the bass on the stand in the corner of the room and return to sit next to Loki.
"You taught yourself how to play?" he insisted and Sylvie nodded with a pleased smile. "How?"
“Years ago a guy was desperate for money and he sold me this bass for an absurd amount of money,” Sylvie recounted. “I bought it and started to learn, watching videos on the internet or asking who I knew. With enough perseverance and hard work you can achieve many things.”
Loki's mouth was still half open, his gaze fixed on the bass resting in the corner, but Sylvie leaned into him, clamped his jaw gently shut with a giggle, and kissed him on the cheek. He turned his face towards her, they looked at each other for a moment and kissed smiling.
A couple of weeks had passed since the dinner at Loki's house and they were both getting into the habit of seeing each other often. Whether it was going out on dates or visiting. Although this was the first time Loki had visited Sylvie in her room at Oldman’s house.
And although Oldman has a strict rule of not having overnight guests, they are both soon wrapped in his arms, settling into Sylvie's messy bed. Kissing and caressing each other over their clothes, discreetly trying to undress, violating the clothes that cover them.
Loki's phone rang in his pocket, interrupting them, but Sylvie didn't stop her actions and Loki had to fight to get the tireless phone out of his pocket while she kept kissing him. When he finally did, he had missed the call and was about to leave the phone behind when a message arrived. He still thought about leaving it and giving Sylvie his full attention, but he stole a glance at the screen before doing so, and what he saw caught his attention.
“Wait,” he said to Sylvie, sitting on the bed and settling her on his lap but not kissing her anymore.
Sylvie crossed her arms over her chest with a frown and made a disgruntled face at Loki.
"It's important," Loki mumbled reading the message. "It's from Casey, she says there's going to be an audition…to be part of the national theater company," Loki said breathlessly.
Sylvie climbed off his lap and they sat side by side.
“A position has opened up for a male dancer, at least six years of experience,” Loki read aloud, listing some requirements.
“Do you qualify for the position?” she asked, and after glancing over the requirements, Loki nodded.
"I'd have to go to the audition, I might get a chance-"
"A chance?" Sylvie laughed. “Loki, you are an amazing dancer. I have seen you dance and it is not unlike when I saw the ballet in the theater.”
"Well, it's not the same, you have to have technique and-"
“Maybe you're not up to it,” she teased.
"Of course I am!" he complained.
"When is the audition?" Sylvie asked with a victorious smile after her taunt took effect.
Loki read the rest of the message, "the auditions will be this Friday at eight-" he cut himself off in the middle of the sentence and looked up at Sylvie gaping. “Same day and time as the battle of bands,” he said hopelessly, and Sylvie couldn't help but let her expression betray sadness.
"It’s okay," she said anyway. "Maybe you can come later or-"
"No," he interrupted her. "I won't miss your participation because of an audition."
“Loki, it's the national ballet,” Sylvie pointed out. “Can you aspire to something more important than this?
"Auditioning doesn't mean I'm going to get the job-"
"You yourself say that you are one of the best at the regional level, what do you lose if you go to the audition?"
“I won't be able to see you onstage that day,” he said miserably, his heart and throat clenching.
There was a long silence that Sylvie broke with a deep breath. “There will be other battles of bands and concerts. You don't know when there will be another opportunity like this-"
"Sylvie, it's not a big deal."
"Of course it is, Loki-"
"It is not-"
"Why don’t you want to go?"
“Because you're more important to me than that audition,” he lied, though not quite, but still unable to recognize the truth behind his words.
“Don't be ridiculous,” Sylvie replied nonchalantly, her expression scornful. “Seeing me in the battle of bands cannot be more important than your future in ballet-”
"Of course it is!" He insisted offended. "I mean... if one day you have a concert or something and I have an important performance, you would do something like that for me too, right?"
But Sylvie remained silent, weighing his words carefully. She slowly shook her head and stood up.
"I can't be the most important thing in your life, Loki, at least not more than a bright future like you could have if you just go to the audition."
"You are important to me because I want you to be part of my future, Sylvie."
"No, Loki," she growled in frustration and Loki stood up to move closer to her but she kept their distance between them. “You can't do that because…” Sylvie breathed heavily, searching for her words. “You don't know if we'll still be together in a few months or even a year, but if you miss this opportunity, you may regret it later. It is something much more promising than being with me.”
"It is not! I'd rather be with you than have a position in the national ballet-"
"It's not one thing for another, Loki."
"You are my priority now and I-"
"It can't be like this, Loki!" Sylvie yelled. "I can't be your priority because... because you're not mine."
Loki was speechless, paralyzed in place while everything around him seemed to start spinning after hearing the words that Sylvie had said.
“What I can do in the future is more important than prioritizing a relationship with you that may not even work. I wouldn't miss an opportunity like that for you,” she finished, and the lump in Loki's throat prevented him from speaking.
"Go to that audition, I don't care if you're not in the battle of the bands, I've been on my own all this time, I don't need you to be with me."
“Sylvie,” he whispered in a breath.
“You should go now,” she said, walking out of the room and down the stairs until she reached the door.
Loki followed her by inertia, already at the door that Sylvie was holding open, he looked for her gaze but Sylvie refused to meet his eyes.
"Sylvie, don't do this, we can talk about it-"
"There's nothing to talk about, Loki, this is over, I don't want to see you at the concert on Friday," she reiterated, opening the door further.
"Over? Just like that? After everything we've been through…." He said offended, sadness mixed with anger. "Didn't everything that happened mean nothing to you?"
Sylvie didn't look at him, she just looked out with a serious expression. Loki walked slowly, hesitating for a moment, still incredulous at how sudden everything had been, unable to believe that he was in this situation. He turned to Sylvie with pleading eyes.
"Could you just… think about it for a bit. Let's just take a moment to talk about it," he begged.
"I already told you that there is nothing to talk about, maybe we are quite different from each other. This is not going to work."
"How can you say that? What about the trip to San Antonio, the fight at the concert, and dinner the other day? We can do this together-"
“Don't call me,” she said, closing the door in her face, not letting him say another word.
"Another successful practice," Oldman celebrated with the others. "At this rate, we're going to give all the other bands trouble," he laughed and the others agreed. "Before you go," he continued, "I spoke to the president and he will give us a free ticket for each, you can invite someone or give your ticket to someone else to occupy it. We have to give the names to be added to the list," it was then that he turned to Sylvie. "Shall I put Loki on the list?"
But Sylvie didn't answer, she kept her eyes on the floor and suddenly the practice room felt smaller and more crowded.
"Loki isn't coming," Sylvie said at last, weighed down by the silence and the stares.
"Oh, did something happen?" Oldman asked.
"He has an audition on Friday and-" The next thing out of Sylvie's mouth was a piercing sob. She took everyone by surprise but before they could say or do anything, Sylvie quickly took her bass and left the room without saying anything.
Everyone was perplexed and Oldman looked for an answer in the eyes of his companions.
"They had…a fight the other day," Kid said sheepishly, like he didn't really want to give anything away. But Oldman took a few steps in his direction, and Kid spoke. "I'm not sure what it was, I just heard when Sylvie kicked him out of the house. She told him not to come to the battle of bands or to call her."
They all took a deep sigh upon hearing that, loaded with sadness and disappointment. They shook their heads and without saying anything else, they collected their instruments and ordered the place.
They knew Sylvie was in her room because they could hear her play her bass, and yet, that afternoon Sylvie did not come down for dinner. They also didn't see her at breakfast the next day or at lunch.
They quickly interrogated each other, learning that none of the boys had seen her leave her room in almost 24 hours.
They had arranged to practice again that afternoon, everything was set up in the practice room, and Sylvie showed up without saying a word. They tried to talk something with her, but her responses were short and sharp, if she responded at all. And just like the day before, Sylvie retired to her room as soon as they finished practice.
They decided to give her that afternoon, but the next day, DeObia knocked on her door in the morning, “Sylvie, come down for breakfast, Kid made pancakes,” he tempted, to which Sylvie replied that she wasn't hungry.
They tried something similar at lunch, this time it was Kid who knocked on her door and announced, “We're going to serve lunch, there's a lasagna special,” but the result was the same as that morning, with her insisting that she had no appetite.
“Sylvie, you haven't eaten anything today,” Kid said softly, keeping close to the door so as not to raise his voice. “We are all worried.”
There was a long silence, Kid was about to leave when he heard Sylvie's footsteps going to the door. He stood expectantly, waiting for her to open. Instead, the door latch clicked and the footsteps receded.
Late that night, Oldman was about to go to bed when he heard movement in the kitchen, under any other circumstances he would have ignored it, but given the situation that no one in the house had seen Sylvie eat for two days, his curiosity got the better of him, and he walked silently into the kitchen, peering from the door.
Sure enough, it was Sylvie who rummaged through the refrigerator, the pantry, and the pots on the stove; And Oldman couldn't resist intervening.
“There's lasagna in the oven, we saved you a slice,” he said to Sylvie's surprise, who nodded and proceeded to look in the oven. “We've barely seen you these days,” Oldman said as Sylvie stared into the microwave as her food swirled.
“Not much to tell,” she replied with a shrug.
"What about Loki?" He said already entering the kitchen, but keeping his distance from her.
Sylvie shook her head, her gaze still fixed on the microwave, her breathing coming heavy and ragged.
“Are you… upset that he won't be able to come to the battle of bands?”
Sylvie pursed her lips, frowned, and her breathing became even faster and heavier. Oldman let a few moments pass, then Sylvie turned to look at him, her eyes lit with anger, she looked like a wild animal ready to attack; But the attack never came, just as Oldman was about to take a scared step back, Sylvie closed her eyes and burst into tears.
"I ruined it, Oldman!" she said with heavy tears falling down her cheeks. "I ruined everything."
Oldman rushed to her side, the first attempt he made to hug her was rejected, but he insisted and this time, Sylvie allowed herself to be hugged. She laid her face on Oldman's chest and wept uncontrollably. She was stammering between sobs and although Oldman couldn't understand what she was saying, he didn't ask and just let her cry.
When she had calmed down, Oldman sat her down in a chair, and gave her a glass of water and a handkerchief to wipe her tears. He took the lasagna off the microwave and put it in front of her with a pair of cutlery.
Sylvie began greedily chopping and eating, barely chewing and tears still welling in her eyes, but even through sobs, she devoured the lasagna quickly.
When she finished, she told Oldman what had happened. About the audition, the fight, and that she had broken up with Loki.
"Do you really believe everything you told him?" he asked after hearing the story, and Sylvie shook her head. "Then why did you do it?"
"Because he wasn't going to change his mind, and it was the only thing I thought would work, and I…"
She started to sob again and Oldman sighed heavily.
"Maybe if you had told him how much you really care, he would have listened."
Sylvie immediately stopped crying and looked at Oldman puzzled, "Do you think…it would have worked?"
"At least it would have been the truth. Unless you don't care about Loki-"
"I do care," she cut him off. "It's just…I've never had someone before and I didn't know what to do…and now Loki will never forgive me."
"You don't know that, why don't you talk to him?"
But Sylvie shook her head vigorously, "He must be mad about what happened and I don't want him to miss that audition."
"And that's why you should talk to him," Oldman insisted. "It doesn't make sense for both of you to be sad and separated if what you really want is to be together. Has Loki called you?"
"No," she denied slowly. "I told him not to," there was a pause where Oldman sighed and Sylvie seemed to calm down. "I wouldn't know what to say to him either," she added.
"Tell him how you feel," he said simply.
Sylvie meditated on his words for a moment, wiped away her tears, and got up from the table.
"I won't do it before Friday, I'll let him go to his audition in peace," she said in a whisper and left the kitchen without another word.
"Again," said Mobius for the seventh time that night, or was it already the eighth? He had already lost count of how many times they had repeated the same movement and still hadn't succeeded.
They were more than past the hour for work, but the next performance would be in two weeks, Loki would have two solos in the ballet and they still hadn't gotten past the first one.
Loki and Bea sighed tiredly, each one advanced to their end and Mobius gave the account of the steps and the rhythm.
The dancers approached each one executing their respective movements, circled around each other, joined in the center and Bea leaned with Loki's support, they had to maintain that position for a few seconds but Mobius spoke.
"You won't convince anyone with that expression, Loki," he chided. "You know perfectly each of the movements of this piece, but ballet is not just moving, I need expression, for the public to see the intensity of the story both in the dance and in your face."
Loki was going to answer, but Mobius dismissed him with a wave of his hand.
"We continue from that position, go on," he guided them, pacing again with the beat.
The dance continued impeccably, they moved away from each other, Bea picked up speed as she went towards Loki, she gained momentum, Loki grabbed her by the waist in time and lifted her up, but he missed the next step and they both fell; Though Loki took the precaution of holding Bea down onto his chest to avoid any damage to her in the fall.
"Are you alright?" Loki asked helping her up and she nodded, though breathless from the fright.
Mobius approached angrily, he was about to speak but Loki did it first.
"I need a moment," he said nothing more and walked out of the practice room toward the dressing room.
"What's wrong with him?" Mobius asked Bea.
"He’s been like this for a few days," she explained. "He doesn't talk to anyone, he isolates himself as much as possible, either in the gym or even at lunch. Sometimes he doesn't even eat."
Mobius sighed in defeat and walked slowly to the dressing room. He found Loki sitting on the bench, his elbows on his knees and his face buried in his hands.
He didn't say anything, he walked quietly and sat next to Loki, "Anything you want to talk about, buddy?"
"Not really," Loki replied without looking at him.
"Okay, I understand that you don't want to share it but remember that I'm here for you, everyone in the company is," Mobius said placing a hand on his shoulder. "You also have your girlfriend, don't you?"
Loki tried to answer, but instead of words he just let out a sob. Then Mobius understood.
"Oh no, don't tell me this has to do with the girl," he said starting to get annoyed. When Loki didn't respond Mobius confirmed his suspicions. "Loki, we talked about this months ago, I told you this girl would only bring trouble, it was enough to see how she dresses and the people she hangs out with to—"
"I'm sick of you talking about Sylvie like that!" Loki barked, finally looking at him. "The only thing she's done since we met is support me. She hasn't gotten me into trouble, nothing has been her fault. Even now—" his voice cracked and he has to take a moment to collect himself. "It doesn't matter anymore," he sighed in exhaustion.
"I'm sorry," Mobius said suddenly, and the apology took Loki by surprise. "I understand you liked her. It will pass, Loki."
But he slowly shook his head.
"Yes it will," Mobius insisted. "Focus on the goals we have with the company and you'll see how—"
"It's the only thing that matters to you?" Loki cut him off. "That I perform well for the company no matter if I'm really happy or not."
"Loki, this is more important than a girl—"
"No, it's not! Sylvie also thinks the same but you're all wrong," he said in a daze. "How long do I have left in ballet? Ten years, maybe a little more, and then what? I don't want to be a ballet teacher, or a coach, or a choreographer. I just like to dance and when I can't do it anymore, I'll regret the rest of my life taking a chance based on my career than trying to patch things up with Sylvie."
Crying burst from his chest and he wept uncontrollably next to Mobius. He just let him, he looked for a towel that he gave Loki to dry his tears when he had calmed down.
"Loki…what are you talking about?" Mobius asked at last. "What happened between you?"
So Loki told him about the audition, the battle of bands, the argument they had, and finally that Sylvie had broken up with him.
"And I just don't understand, Mobius," he sobbed again. "We've been through so much together the last few months and it's so easy for her to get rid of me…and it wasn't even because I did something selfish, it was because of thinking about her and I-" he broke down crying again. Mobius sighed next to him and placed a hand on his shoulder.
"I'm sorry, Loki," Mobius reiterated softly. "Have you tried talking to her after the fight?"
"She said not to call her," Loki replied, shaking his head between sobs.
"Talking will always be the best way to calm doubts, you could try talking to her, there's nothing to lose anymore," he suggested.
"I won't bother her before her concert," Loki whispered. "Maybe I'll try something after Friday," he turned his face and remained silent, Mobius understanding the gesture as wanting a moment alone and he granted it.
He walked out of the dressing room slowly and was met by Bea, who had been listening from the entrance. They exchanged a glance but said nothing. Defeated, they walked to the exit and said goodbye.
Bea decided to walk home, she meditated on the few times she had talked to Sylvie, what Loki had told her about her, what Sylvie had done for Loki, and how both of them had helped and supported each other.
As she came to a corner, she saw a pamphlet promoting the battle of bands taped to the utility pole. An idea came to her mind, several ideas actually.
She spent several minutes deciding if what she was about to do was correct, if her motivation was really justified, and if, despite that, she could get it to work.
I have a problem that I cannot explain
I have no reason why it should have been so plain
I have no questions but I sure have excuse
I lack the reason why I should be so confused
I know, how I feel when I'm around you
I don't know, how I feel when I'm around you
Around you, by System of a Down