Actions

Work Header

We Will be Atoning, at Last Eternal Through the Past Above a Blinding Star

Summary:

He thought he would be scared of dying. Everyone is, right?

But if he had known what lay beyond, he would have done it a long time ago.

Notes:

(See the end of the work for notes.)

Work Text:

The ice-cold water was already spilling around his feet, reaching for his knees. He looked so dignified, up there on the bridge, cigarette in hand, as though he had not a care in the world.


But the truth is, Chief Officer Henry Tingle Wilde was terrified.

 

The ship, he knew something was wrong about her, was sinking; nosing down like a diving duck. People were running, and shouting, shrieking and crying. Many were running aft, as the stern was lifting higher and higher out of the water. Most of the lifeboats were gone at this point, the falls dangling like hempen vines off a great and glittering tree. The last four boats were making their way towards the cold and dark. Boats C and D were gone. He remembered vividly poor Mr. Ismay's terrified look as C was lowered away. He had no idea what would become of the man. Nothing good, no doubt.

Now A and B were being removed from their places atop the officers' quarters, albeit clumsily. B had fallen upside-down and A had been damaged by its own descent. Men toiled around them like ants over bits of food. The ship creaked and groaned. Time was running out. There was nothing he could do now. No further orders. Looking over, he could see Captain Smith, standing still like a statue, in shock. He had a hand on the wheel, and stared out at the rapidly-rising ocean in front of him. Perhaps, though, he might be able to lend his fellows a helping hand. Spying Second Officer Lightoller, he raised a hand and waved-

 

There was suddenly what could only be described as a great roar as suddenly the bow dipped sharply. He felt as though he was falling and dropped his cigarette. His head was submerged almost immediately. When he kicked himself back to the surface, spluttering and coughing, he saw that that the bridge was now entirely submerged, and both collapsibles (as well as several people) were floating free of the ship. He reached for a life preserver that had washed free and scanned the struggling crowd. Lightoller was gone. Where was he? His eyes darted around until he saw the Second Officer's head as he struck out away from the terror of it all. He appeared to be heading for the crow's nest. He'd made it halfway there when he appeared to be violently dragged underwater by some sort of unseen force.

 

"Lights!" He tried to cry out for his friend, but his voice was not heard- the sudden plunge had rendered his vocal cords numb. "Charles..."

 

Floating there, in the water, now he was really useless. All he could do was wait and freeze. He couldn't help but gasp as the first of the great ship's funnels toppled, the stays snapping like string and whipping poor swimmers in the water. The whole thing collapsed into the sea, crushing dozens of people. Collapsible B, which hadn't been far, was washed further out to sea. Wilde squinted, and he could see Lightoller's auburn hair amongst the sea of heads, clutching to a rope on the overturned lifeboat. He allowed himself a brief sigh of relief. But there was a new sense of dread creeping into the recesses of his mind. He was losing feeling in his legs. How much longer did he have?

 

Things continued to unfold. Just when he thought the worst was over, another something horrible happened. Had God abandoned the Titanic that night? He watched as the lights, which had become as red as the fires of Hell, flicked once, twice, and then went out forever. What happened next he could not see, but there was a noise like thunder, mixed with the screeching of steel. Lord, what was happening? He felt so blind to the world.

 

Some time or another, he couldn't be sure, as he was growing awfully tired, the ship was gone. Dizziness, and, dare he say, panic was beginning to root itself in him. He felt no different from the hundreds who were now crying out in the water. His own soul was crying for release, wanting to be free of its tortured prison. He wanted to cry and scream just like all the others, but he was unable to. He lacked any sort of capacity.

 

But a miracle, or, what he thought was a miracle, beheld itself to him. Not far, yes! Not far! There was Collapsible B! A small group of people had crowded on the top. He saw a man in a blue turtleneck at the front of them all. Lights! He was alright! Flooded by the adrenaline of a renewed will to live, he kicked with all his might, swimming as well as he could manage towards the boat. He tried to raise an hand to them, but nearly fell from the life preserver. 

 

So close... So close to safety.

 

The life ring hit the hull of the boat, rocking it gently. "Sir?" A voice addressed him.

 

He lifted his head to see who it was, but was unable to. His grip slipped, and he fell.

 

No. I was so close. He watched as the boat on the surface slowly disappeared from view. He was sinking, joining the ship and no doubt a thousand other people on the long journey down.

 

In a last act of desperation, he raised a hand skyward.

 

Everything was dark.

 

Someone took his hand, and he was being dragged to his feet.

 

Was that... light? And warmth? Was he dreaming?

 

When he opened his eyes, he saw her.

 

Just as perfect as he day he lost her. 

 

She took his other hand and drew him close. She smiled. And he smiled, too. Tears welled in their eyes and they began to laugh. They were tears of joy, and tears of sadness all at the same time. He felt like flying, like taking her on a dance through the heavens. One moment, to make up for everything they had lost. But instead, she gently reached a hand to the back of his head and pulled him into a long kiss. He accepted it, even as he had to contain himself from sobbing. There was so much he wanted to say to her. How much he loved her, how sorry he was for letting her go- 

 

She looked up at him, wiping tears from his eyes as he broke down in front of her. So many I'm sorrys and If only you'd been theres. He kept going and going one, his words becoming gibberish. Soon he had nothing left at all to say. But he wrapped his arms around her and pulled her close, as if that were the only way to atone for what he had or hadn't done. But she was having none of it.

 

She took his hand, and led him off, somewhere, beyond the sky. There was light; ethereal beauty everywhere the eye could see. It was as though they were among the stars, and they were flying. Flying where? She squeezed his hand and gave him a big smile. At this point, he could fear all the fear, all the dread and insecurity, leaving him. And he laughed. Oh, it was like being a boy again! She smiled and giggled. This was an adventure!

 

They danced among the stars like comets in the night sky, laughing and singing. No cares and no troubles, free of mortal worries. 

 

Gone away, leaving the dark behind, and finally restored to light.

Notes:

Yes, the title is a Hawaii: Pt. II reference, thank you

Specifically Dream Sweet in Sea Major because... guys... this is Wilde's song