Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Stelle slipped her phone into her pocket as she entered the docking area of the express. It had been about a month since she and Kafka had played their game over in the divination commission, and she struggled to get the thoughts from that day out of her head. Obviously Kafka was a busy woman, and getting a hold of her proved difficult - impossible, in fact - and the only way to talk to her was if she said something first.

Of course, they had a few conversations where Kafka messaged Stelle out of the blue - somehow always when she was explicitly free - but it was always small talk. Any time Stelle went to ask for an update on when "the cards would be put on the table" Kafka would mysteriously drop contact for some time.

At least she didn't text often - if she was texting Stelle nearly every day and did that kind of thing, it would have become frustrating, rather than just slightly unfortunate. The last time they had talked was about a week prior, though it was a conversation with quite the cliffhanger ending, as Kafka cut contact after Stelle - very smoothly, she might add - mentioned possibly going out to a movie sometime together.

Kafka had called it nostalgic, of course, then said she had to go, leaving Stelle alone and out of contact for some time.

Stelle sighed and looked up at the express. It was fine that Kafka wasn't messaging lately, though. She was also a busy woman, and would have felt miserable having to ghost Kafka by way of being too busy to respond when she had her short window of availability. This week specifically was somehow more annoyingly busy than many of the others since she had helped stop Phantylia from destroying the Luofu.

And it was all over some food street Bailu and a new friend, Sushang, loved so much they had drafted Stelle into a war against the IPC in order to save it. 

Of course, a 'war' was a bit of an over exaggeration, but going out of her way to fuck over the IPC was fun, and it felt nostalgic. Of course, it was nostalgic in that frustrating way that Stelle always felt nostalgia.

It turned what was supposed to be a fairly pleasant emotion into an incredibly unpleasant one any time Stelle felt it, because she didn't know why she felt it. Which was like the entire point of nostalgia!

Well, she had some guesses, of course, as to why it would have felt nostalgic, but Blade's comment about her 'following Kafka' were vague enough that they could have really meant anything, even though it was probably obvious what they did mean. Blade didn't really seem like the over exaggeration type.

It was just that any sliver of doubt, any amount of 'maybe it wasn't meant like that' had made it practically guaranteed that it wasn't like that in her head.

Until it was confirmed one way or another, at least. 

She grimaced. She didn't really care about her past in the sense that she'd rather look towards the future, or simply live in the present. The problem was that without knowing anything, she was always just left with a bitter taste in her mouth, leaving her unhappy and unsatisfied while living in the present. It was quite the conundrum.

She supposed that all she wanted was some closure so that she didn't have to constantly flit between feeling something and getting frustrated about the fact that she felt anything at all.

She shook her head. There was nothing she could do about it out here in the middle of a loading dock. There wasn't anywhere she could really do anything about it, but that was irrelevant and shut up, leave her alone it's been a long day.

She stepped forward towards the express, immediately realizing just how absolutely dog tired she was. Just absolutely beat.

She continued to trudge forward, feeling heavy and groggy from the weight of spending way too much time awake and away from the express. It was a generally very unpleasant experience.

She slid the door open and stepped inside, immediately assaulted by a wave of cool air and the smell of the worst coffee imaginable, and of course the burning eyesore of warm light that always flooded the parlor car. 

Stelle blinked several times to adjust to the new light level as Himeko turned to face her, lowering a cup of coffee down low enough for her to speak. "Oh you're finally back? You weren't off galavanting with some criminal again, right?" Stelle groaned quietly enough that she was likely - hopefully - not heard over the radio broadcast that Himeko had been listening to. Something about a get together at a place called penacony or whatever was happening in a few months.

"No, mom." Stelle mumbled while rubbing her eyes and shutting the door behind her. Himeko was never going to let that go, naturally. It just wasn't bad enough that she had gone and scolded her for, fuck, like, hours when she had returned to the express, but she had to do it every time Stelle returned to the express. "I promise I committed no felonies this time, technically, unless you count making a grown man bark like a dog for a crowd as a felony."

Himeko let out a soft chuckle after another sip of coffee. "Weird, but you can be into whatever you want, dear." She finished before turning back to her radio. 

'Thank Akivilli she's not going to push more than that.'

'Oh yeah, there was absolutely a reason I didn't mention it was an IPC goon I made bark, she'd have probably killed me.' 

'Oh one hundred percent, you'd have absolutely gotten in trouble for that one if you had mentioned it. Also you're obviously not allowed to be into whatever you want, considering how she acted when you got home from hanging out with Kafka.'

'Okay subconscious, we don't need to get into that right now.'

'Fine, fine, but look at who's hurtling towards you at record speeds.'

Stelle turned towards the door back to the other cars, just as it opened with none other but the esteemed March 7th on a direct collision course with where she was planning to go.

And it looked like she wanted something.

Well shit, looked like she'd be delayed from getting to her room for a bit longer.

Kafka tilted the umbrella back from her face and popped it in, tossing it to the side as it disappeared into the aether along with a pixelated puff of smoke. She had been trailing Stelle for days, waiting in the shadows and behind any cover she could, waiting for when she'd finally return to the express. 

Somewhere they could talk in private.

Naturally, trailing Stelle was perilous, it wasn't like she didn't know what she looked like, nor had all the wanted posters with her face plastered over them been taken down, but the end result was more than worth the hassle. 

Or at least that's what she told herself.

Her eyes fixed itself onto the express, trailing across it from front to back as she took a few steps forward. She had no concerns for being caught out here despite the obvious danger she was in. Practically in the den of lions, and yet… 

She shook her head and smiled. "It's been a while." she mumbled under her breath, bringing herself closer and closer towards the back of the train. While it being nearly one continuous car from front to back after the engine, very much so unlike a regular train, was good for space travel, it did leave one obvious weakness that left it open to infiltration - especially considering it wasn't full of passengers. 

And it was a weakness Kafka knew exactly how to exploit. 

She looped around to the flat back end of the train, running her hand along the lower lip of the Express. "Now, where is…" She mumbled, sliding her hand back again before brushing against a cleverly hidden latch which she easily pulled, a soft creaking sound coming from the inside of the Express's walls until a loud 'pop' came from above. 

"A little loud for my tastes…" She mumbled, grabbing onto the newly cracked hatch at the top of the wall. "Guess Himeko hasn't had enough 'surprise guests' in long enough to warrant oiling it." Kafka hummed as she pushed herself up to gain leverage on the hatch and force it the rest of the way open, another frustratingly loud creak coming from the long ignored metal hinges as it fully opened into its uninvitingly enclosed space.

Free vent access to one of the most important places in the entire universe, and all she had to do was have some just okay sex some number of years ago.

Worth it? Maybe. Well, it was worth it right now , even if it hadn't felt worth it back when it happened.

She swung herself up into the opening and hooked the toes of one of her boots into the handle on the inside of the hatch when she was comfortably inside, pulling it closed with a jerk of her leg in order to leave no trace of her intrusion.

Well, unless someone heard it, of course.

"Right." Kafka whispered to herself as she fumbled her phone out of her coat pocket. "Let's see this updated map Silver Wolf sent me." 

Naturally, Kafka had an old map of the express from back when she had been able to visit it, 'just in case' but that was long before Stelle had moved in with the rest, so she had… Voluntold Silver Wolf that she had to get a new set. 

She slid open her messages with Wolf, and scrolled up through her bickering about something or other - Kafka certainly cared when they were sent, but right now it was far away from her mind - until she came across the new and up to date marking of every room and car on the train.

She had managed to gather this intelligence on one of her recent visits to the train - something she was just allowed to do apparently, because she and Stelle liked playing games together.

Naturally, Silver Wolf didn't really care about playing in person - online was just as good to her - but it was an easy excuse for her to gather the information Kafka needed for when she would eventually break onto the train.

Kafka slid her phone back into her pocket and grumbled as she shifted her body forward, slowly crawling through the tight vent. Stelle was in the first room in the third 'car' which was easy enough to remember. Not only was it fairly close to the back of the train, but it was also a nice, big room, which would be perfect just in case, well.

Ah, nevermind.

She continued to shuffle forward, pushing the idea from her mind until she reached her destination, small slats giving her vision into the room below.

The room was empty.

She squirmed a little and checked her phone for the time and frowned. This was exactly when she was supposed to be here, and yet Stelle simply wasn't in sight.

Stelle must have been delayed, then.

She shrugged and slid her phone back into her pocket, pulling out something else entirely on the return. A little sticker in the shape of one of Silver Wolf's little avatars. It was an 'aether transponder' or some other such nonsense that Wolf would go on about for hours trying to explain while Kafka retained almost zero out of a thousand words being said.

But she did retain were the important bits about it.

She peeled the vinyl sticker off of its backing and stuck it to the other side of the vent opening, and watched as it sunk into the smooth metal until it became a part of it. Should Kafka need a swift exit, all she had to do was pop back into the vent, touch the somehow-more-mini Wolf, and within moments Silver Wolf would get her out of any bad situation she found herself in thanks to Wolf's ability to aether edit.

And if Kafka didn't need to use it to get off the train after a certain amount of time, Silver Wolf would instead use it to pop something Kafka had put together into the vent. Something that Kafka felt would be of some use later.

Well, it didn't really have any use, it was just a box of some of Stelle's old things. Clothes, some miscellaneous items she used to like keeping around, a framed picture of the two, stuff like that.

It also held a gift that Kafka had gotten for Stelle, but was never able to hand it off to her… She had passed before Kafka ever had the chance.

And, well, to brighten the mood a bit, there was also something that belonged to Kafka if things went well enough.

If things didn't go well, well… 

No, she was not going to think about that possibility. It was simply far too embarrassing to even entertain the notion.

Actually, now that she thought about it, that would have been a good way for Elio to teach her how to fear.

Kafka snickered to herself for a moment before cutting herself off the moment she heard the door to the room below opening along with a very loud yawn.

Stelle's very loud yawn.

Kafka almost felt downright giddy knowing how close she was, though a small sliver of her also filled her with that familiar sense of dread that always seemed to follow her around whenever Stelle was involved.

The dread that she was doing the wrong thing.

No.

No.

Absolutely not. This was the right thing.

Any other decision she could have made was objectively the wrong decision. She had made the only correct one, and she was going to follow through.

Stelle finished stretching and closed the door behind her with a soft thud, kicking her shoes off into the corner of the room she always released them into. 

Finally free.

Actually free.

Not just a few days off from being the biggest hero on the entire Luofu, but also free from having to worry about March, even if only temporarily. 

And she was ready to lounge away every single second.

Fwoop!

Fuck.

She slipped her phone out of her pocket to check who the perfectly timed intruder could have possibly been. And may the Aeons themselves help whoever it was if it was going to intrude into her downtime. Because if her downtime was ruined there would be hell to pay for whoever decided to get in the way of her good time.

Which would be unfortunate because it was probably one of her friends she'd wind up having to kill.

Oh it better not be Kafka.

She pulled open her messages and opened her newest message from a group chat she didn't have previously. Invited by… Sushang? 

Oh what did she want now? If she had to go back down to Aurum Alley to settle a dispute again after having just finished up and before she had even finished getting to even sprawl out on her bed like an overweight cat,  she'd probably kill herself right then and there.

'Okay, chill it with the exaggeration, buddy, you're not March.'

'I don't think March would even think to think something like that, actually.' 

'Okay buddy, you're not Silver Wolf.'

'Fair.'

Stelle shook her subconscious yelling at her over her intrusive thoughts out of her head so she could actually see what Sushang wanted. Oh. Oh. 

Well she was definitely overreacting.

It was just a message asking if Stelle wanted to hang out with Sushang and her girlfriend while she was on a couple day hiatus from doing literally anything important.

Stelle frowned. 

Sushang had a girlfriend? 

Strange. She never mentioned it.

She just shrugged and sent a message back in the affirmative before sliding it back into her coat pocket, letting her gaze finally fall across the entirety of her room. It was a mess.

Just an absolute fucking mess of trash and clothes and 'suveniers' and other junk just strewn all over the place.

'You're going to need to deal with all this, you know?'

"Yes , I know, but that's an issue for future me, not current me. No one's barging into my room except March to yell at me and I do not care what she thinks." Stelle paused for a moment and groaned. "Great, now I'm responding to my intrusive thoughts with… extrusive words?" She paused again and frowned. "I need to go to bed."

Instead of going to bed, of course, she began to pace around the room. Of course she was tired, and also just in general not having a great time mentally, but she wasn't exactly sleepy so trying to force herself to go to bed was a bit of a no go. Or at least, she was pretty sure it wouldn't actually help her at all.

That was her very professional sleepy time self diagnosis, anyway.

The real issue was that there wasn't really anything else she could do. It wasn't like she actually had a computer or even a television, or hell, even a radio in her room, and she had already finished all her dailies in her various gachas, and her rank in her rhythm game was at a perfect funny number.

Well, of course she could sit and write or draw, but she was a bit too tired for that, and she'd definitely read all the assorted papers and books and journals she had 'acquired' in her adventures by now.

Oh right, the piano.

Well, the keyboard, Welt hadn't procured a full ass piano for her room.

That would have been cool, though.

Kafka watched from above as Stelle stopped her pacing in her tracks and spun around on her heel to walk towards the corner of the room, settling onto a small bench in front of a keyboard pushed up against the wall.

She wasn't entirely sure of the hows or whens or whys of Stelle having a keyboard around in her room, but the sound that came pouring from the speakers shortly after Stelle had started hit her with an intense wave of melancholic nostalgia.

Of course, perhaps the melancholy was because the song was in D minor, but it was also a haunting dirge that prickled and snapped at the back of Kafka's memory. Something she remembered hearing quite a long time ago, and hadn't heard it since.

It was… simple. Very simple, but it followed a scale that made Kafka bristle. A beautiful melody despite the pain that played behind it, running simply between D minor Seven to B flat major, then a C octaves into F major before finally finishing with an F sus two and then it looped back around in on itself.

It was… Strange. Kafka knew the chords - of course she did, she'd been playing music since she was a kid, and she absolutely recognized the melody and the progression, but she simply didn't have an inkling of an idea of what the song itself was.

Though, she supposed, that the actual song wasn't relevant. Just the meaning behind it. The soul that went into crafting such a series of sounds.

That was what was important in music, was it not? 

Kafka collected herself. She couldn't get lost in the memories of Stelle playing piano, nor was she here to try and figure out the song that she was currently playing. Of course, it was certainly a bonus to her visit that she got to hear Stelle play again, but she was simply here to do something more important.

So she had to get to doing that important thing.

She hooked her thumb under the grate and lifted it up, the - thankfully - decently oiled hinges making absolutely no sound as it flipped up to line the wall of the vent. Well, not exactly - Kafka had caught the rest of her hand behind where it opened so that it wouldn't make any slamming sounds when hitting the wall of the vent.

She took a deep breath and prepared herself, swinging herself down onto the floor, landing very nearly silently as Stelle continued to play her song, totally lost in the sound of the music. Her muttered words - which Kafka assumed to be the lyrics to the song she was playing - had become audible to Kafka, though she couldn't fully hear them well enough to make out any of the words.

She silently wiped some of the dust from the vent off her clothes, and adjusted her sleeves so that she looked her best despite just dropping out of such a confined space before finally speaking up in order to break Stelle out of her trance. "You know… I quite missed listening to you play. Perhaps I should have brought my violin."

Stelle's reaction was immediate at the sound of the intruder, kicking the bench out from under her as she flipped around to  face the unexpected guest. She hadn't even heard the door open or anything, but-

Kafka smiled and waved when her eyes finally landed on the woman in the back of the room, by the window. It took all the strength in her body to keep her jaw from hitting the floor. "What? Why? How? Where? What?" Stelle cycled through all the possible questions she could immediately think of before coming up with something a little more coherent and reasonably easy to answer. "W-what are you doing here?" 

Even though she didn't distrust Kafka, breaking into her room and surprising her was a bit over the line, and she at least needed an answer or two, and if not, well, her bat was hooked onto the wall right by the keyboard, it would not have been hard to force some answers out if it came to that.

Hopefully it wouldn't come to that.

Fuck it.

She grabbed the bat off the wall anyway, and lifted it up towards Kafka before repeating her question, with less stammering and more self assuredness this time. "I asked what are you doing here?" The bat felt poorly weighted in her hands after so long using the lance, but it was just the closest thing to her right at that moment.

"Incredible, that the vent access still works really." Kafka ignored the question, approaching Stelle totally nonchalantly despite the obvious threat. "Guess Himeko never really thought to fix it…" She paused and the smile of a predator with its prey within its grasp spread across her lips. "Or perhaps she actually found someone else to 'break' into her room after I was gone."

"I didn't need to know literally any of that." Stelle stuttered out as she tried to circle towards the door, bat still raised, though Kafka rotated herself in kind, blocking Stelle from the exit unless she decided to go through Kafka. Something Stelle was not about to do. There was no way out. "I'm also pretty sure this breaks at least a couple of rules, if not laws." Stelle grumbled, giving up her threats. There was no shot that she was going to try and hit Kafka with this stupid thing, especially with the Stellaron as dormant as it was, anyway.

"And when has something being against the rules ever stopped me from getting exactly what I wanted?" Kafka purred as she stepped slightly closer to Stelle, watching closely as the woman put the bat back away and shuffled over to the bed, completely defeated.

"You know what? Fine. Make yourself at home." Stelle mumbled, throwing herself down onto the bed, sprawled out exactly the way she wanted to be. If she was going to get dragged into a load of bullshit, the least she could be given is a couple seconds of rest. "Just tell me why you're here."

Kafka laughed softly as she watched Stelle sprawl out onto the bed. It was a laugh that made Stelle blush, warming her heart in that same kind of awful terrible way that she hated and loved in equal measure. 

"Well, I did tell you I'd lay all the cards out onto the table for you, hadn't I?" She stepped closer, slowly but with terrible purpose. "And I won't go back on my promises… Especially not to you." She finally stopped at the edge of the bed and held out a hand. "I'm sure you'd prefer to lay down, but you probably want to at least be sitting for this." 

Stelle groaned and grabbed onto Kafka's hand, allowing herself to get pulled back up into a sitting position, slinging her legs off of the edge of the bed. It was a lot less comfortable, but, well, she just couldn't tell Kafka no. That was normal for people who were supposed to be enemies or rivals or whatever right?

Right? 

No, not even in her delirious dog tired state could she make sense of that one. Well except for.

She shook her head, and looked up to Kafka. "Well? Go ahead and lay them out for me, then." 

Kafka smiled down at Stelle, and twirled a strand of hair in a finger. "You know, Himeko would kill the both of us if she knew that I was here…" She paused and sat down next to Stelle on the far side of the bed, closer to the window than the door, but right next to Stelle - so close that their legs rubbed up against each other any time the two of them shifted at all.

Kafka took a deep breath. Her mind was racing. She was so close, and there wasn't a script to follow. No timer to abide by, nothing. Just her and Stelle. Alone. So close that they were touching. "So we should try and keep it down just a little." She whispered in that sultry tone of hers, fingers trailing up Stelle's arm, a shiver shuttering through her so pronounced that Kafka could feel it in her bones.

Kafka smiled at the feeling of the goosebumps on Stelle's arm trailing her fingers. Even through the soft fabric of her gloves she could feel every single one. "And how about we keep this between us?"

Stelle's brain was blanking. Like, absolutely and totally blanking. No, actually it was blinking. Flashing bright lights and warning signs and sirens and alarms and raising red flags and a billion other things that she should absolutely not be in this situation, but it was absolutely not going to deter her from this path. In fact, if anything it was just going to give her an unwanted headache that would make her want to rebel against them more.

Really, the only thing that kept her head from exploding was the soft rosy scent exuding from next to her. From Kafka. It was a smell that took her back to better times. Happier times. To a place she couldn't remember. "But why here?" Stelle's brain had defogged just long enough for her to finally form a coherent sentence again. "I thought Himeko said-"

"Now, if I remember correctly, she told me to come visit in person next time." Kafka said with a slight tilt to her voice that suggested she was entirely unserious and unbothered. She let out a small chuckle as she leaned in closer to Stelle, whispering breathily in her ear. "Or is this going to be a problem?"

Stelle shook her head so fast she heard the strands of hair smash against Kafka's face as a panicked "N-no!" desperately fled her lips before her hand could come up and cover her mouth in fear that her shout would alert anyone in the vicinity.

Kafka simply laughed again, but didn't push on it. She already knew that she had Stelle completely anchored to her. 

She had already won.

Stelle desperately tried to change course from the embarrassing outburst, switching gears to what she was actually meaning to say when she brought up Himeko's words. "I just meant that she had said that you weren't supposed to get into bed with any of us." 

Stelle felt the words leave her mouth, but really they didn't even feel like she had said them. Everything felt… Obscured. Even the room itself felt far away from the bed, flung out into the aether. All that existed. All that could possibly exist right now was that bed with the two sitting on it, so close that every subtle movement, every single hidden breath could be felt by the other.

Their hearts beat in tandem as they detached from everything else in the universe, though any time Kafka spoke, or laughed, or sighed, or let out any number of sounds, Stelle's heart skipped a beat before falling back into line. 

She always seemed to get really flustered around pretty girls - and make no mistake, Kafka was the prettiest amongst them all - but something about this was… Different from the way any regular old pretty girl made her feel. Any Asta, or Bronya, or Yukong, or Tingyun, or Himeko, or anyone else.

This was different.

Kafka was different.

And the realization began to wash over her like waves crashing against the shore. Everything that happened so far. From their fight, to the aftermath, to the interrogation at the Matrix. Her conversations with Silver Wolf, to her time protecting Kafka while she tried to help Blade, and the short conversation with Blade afterwards.

Everything.

All of it bubbled memories to the surface of her mind, yet they never burst. She was on the cusp of finally and truly realizing the true answer to all her questions, all she needed was a little push to sink deep. All she needed was just one. One bubble to finally pop to cause a chain reaction which began a chain reaction to bring everything back.

Kafka's own head was spinning - albeit at a much lesser rate than the poor creature beside her. She had been close to Stelle plenty enough since her return, between holding her close enough to shove the Stellaron into her chest, or when she had slipped inside of Stelle's guard, inches away from the other woman before destroying her mind with the fragmented and shattered memories of the past… Or when they kissed on the Matrix, or when Stelle pushed her against the wall desperate to know their connection.

When they were so close to kissing again.

But this was different.

They were finally well and truly alone , and nothing in the universe mattered beyond the two of them.

This was the same as before she lost Stelle.

It awakened something primal within her. Something she had been repressing deep in her soul for nearly a decade. Something she wanted to say. No, something she absolutely needed to say was rising to the tip of her tongue, dancing across her diaphragm and buzzing against her larynx threatening to spill itself out as though she had eaten far too much food.

But… 

It wasn't the time. Not yet. The time was close, oh it was so close, so close she could taste it.

But it wasn't yet.

If she said it now it would have only led to confusion, possibly resentment. A broken attempt to make things better.

"If that's the case," Kafka whispered as she leaned away, bringing the rest of the universe back into focus, "I could get up if you wanted." 

A look of panic spread across Stelle's face in an instant and she grabbed ahold of Kafka's arm, her hands moving involuntarily against her better judgment. "Absolutely not." 

A blush immediately began to spread from her cheeks outwards until her entire face turned red, completely unsure of where the sudden outburst had come from.

Kafka's eyes grew wide, the pink blobs at the center practically consuming the rest of her iris as her smile grew along with them. It was obvious she was trying to contain another laugh in order to spare Stelle's feelings while she collected herself. Stelle cleared her throat to give her an air of composure that she had been lacking the entire time Kafka had been in her room. "I uh, I didn't say that. It's just…" She trailed off, already losing what little control she had of the situation, thoughts fully lost in endless mazes of emotion.

"Well, if you're worried about Himeko, there's no reason she has to know anything." Kafka teased and leaned back in towards Stelle. "Anyway, you already know that being 'in bed' with someone is a phrase, dear, or did you forget popular idioms along with everything else?" Her smile shrunk from its wide tease down to something softer. There was another option, of course. "Or maybe you're just flirting with me?"

Stelle made a pathetic whimpering sound as her heart stopped in its tracks, the blush spreading out even further than it already had any right to. In fact, it felt like her face was going to just spontaneously combust and melt off of her skull, or something equally upsetting to ruin the mood Kafka was obviously trying to set while being so close. So teasing. So flirting.

Even if she wasn't trying to set the mood she was obviously trying to set, no one else had ever, or would ever make Stelle feel the same way as Kafka made her feel in this moment… Or really the way she felt in any moment in which her thoughts were dominated by the other woman. Not even Natasha, who could always manage to get Stelle to do whatever the hell she wanted elicited this kind of feeling from her.

And she did not dislike the feeling.

Aeons, she did not dislike the feeling.

If anything, she never ever wanted it to stop. Ever.

Hell, she wanted more. 

She always wanted more.

And she was becoming acutely aware of the fact that she was going to be getting as much as she could possibly handle as long as Kafka was in her room with her. 

More than that, though, she was on the receiving end. When it came to some of the other pretty women Stelle had met, she was always the one putting in the effort for them, but with Kafka… Well, she was more than willing to just ride this out. To let Kafka lavish her with compliments and attention and small touches and flirts and teases as she made her way around to the point she had been obfuscating any time they ever came across each other.

Stelle wanted Kafka to say it. Whatever it was she had supposedly been wanting to say all this time. She had inklings of thoughts on what Kafka was going to say, though likely not the full extent of it, and she was burning up from the inside with excitement. All the delays, every time Kafka put it off. If it was finally coming to a head… 

She just wanted to hear exactly what she needed to hear.

It was a feeling. Deep and powerful, and stronger than any feeling she had ever had before, extending out from her core - her core, not the stellaron - as it crunched through her insides and paving over everything and anything that wasn't this feeling. It ran through the entirety of her being. From the bottom to the top, from left to right, from the inner sanctums of her being to its outer reaches. It screamed out for release any time she thought about Kafka, threatening to implode, destroying her utterly from the inside and out.

At one point a part of her had briefly considered the idea that all this was just somehow some kind of long con. A long term plot to keep Stelle brainwashed and under the control of the Stellaron Hunters, as though she was simply a living bomb to destroy the express from the inside. But somehow, some way she just knew deep down that it wasn't the case.

Or if it was the case, then it worked for reasons other than the fact that Kafka just happened to easily be able to pull at her strings like a marionette. 

'Would you stop waxing poetic for like five seconds and just say something, you idiot? She's literally right there, stop getting lost in a billion words about how you feel and SAY SOMETHING.'

Stelle cleared her throat again and pouted, trying to return to the conversation instead of continuing down the path of her complex and self destructive thoughts. Of course, all her mind seemed to manage was a weak "Are you just here to bully me?"

'Wow, you are truly and totally pathetic. Just the worst.'

'Hey, some people are into pathetic girls.'

'Well yeah, that's normally how you get women to fawn over you, but right now you're being extra pathetic.' 

Stelle whined out loud at her intrusive internal dialogue, the pout on her face only growing bigger, while Kafka only looked up at Stelle with warmth. She definitely looked absolutely positively pathetic. Just the worst.

Hopefully it triggered an urge within Kafka to baby the poor critter instead of teasing her further.

"No, Stelle, quite the opposite, in fact…" Kafka's voice trailed off. She was doubting herself again. Was doing this really the correct decision? Was it smart for her to waltz on in and dump all of this onto Stelle? Onto anyone at all? Should she have simply carried this to the grave? Stelle already looked like she was on the verge of exploding - literally, or into tears Kafka couldn't quite say - and she was only going to make things worse.

But she was already here. What could she even try and do to change the situation she had already put herself in? Just leave? Completely ruin any chance of reestablishing the connection with the one person in the entire universe she was wholly and totally attached to? The one person she was tied to with a string of fate? Would she deny herself her destiny because it might be painful in the moment?

No.

It was far too late to change course now. There was no turning back. No changing her mind. She was here. And she would take what was hers.

Kafka took a long, deep breath and turned away from Stelle, letting herself have a moment free of the girl's pathetically adorable pout long enough for her to form her thoughts into words. "I know that you don't remember much…" She started, voice trailing off again. She didn't have the chance to say this all those years ago, and despite the fact that she still truly and wholly meant it, she was struggling to get it out now. Worry splintered across her face as she kept trying to gather every thought into one singular place.

What she wouldn't give for a script right now.

Stelle reached out and put a hand on Kafka's shoulder. It was gentle, far more gentle than someone like Kafka could ever deserve, but she leaned into it, her worries beginning to drain away. She knew she could do this. Especially if Stelle was there to ground her and keep her from falling into a miasma of thoughts that she hadn't had to deal with since before Stelle's passing.

"Sorry, it's just…" She stared off into the middle distance ahead of her, the keyboard the only thing registering into focus. "It's a long story, so maybe I should just start from the beginning." She paused. "Or, at least, the end which led to a new beginning, if that's alright with you." 

Stelle nodded in the corner of Kafka's vision, and she continued. "When we 'woke you up' as we can call it, well… You were dead, in a sense." She paused. "Well, your body was nonfunctional - oh this is going to take more explaining than I had prepared to do." She shook her head. "Only know that you're an artificial being, created for the sole purpose of hosting the Stellaron, though you were created long before that moment."

Stelle nodded her head. "I suppose that would make the fact that I can house the Stellaron make a lot more sense." 

Kafka nodded back to Stelle. "Anyway, your body was rendered nonfunctional, though as an artificial being, that would never have mattered forever." She paused and looked back at Stelle, her hand approaching the hem of Stelle's shirt before thinking better of it and trailing up to her Sternum, pressing her finger against the bottom and following a scar that ran up her flesh until it bumped against against fabric pulled more tightly to Stelle's chest under her shirt.

"Have you ever thought about why you have this scar?" Kafka tilted her finger over the band and circled her finger around a point directly in the middle of Stelle's chest. "It wasn't because of the Stellaron." She paused again, suppressing a smirk from ruining the moment. "Well, it wasn't because of when I put the Stellaron in you, I watched you die. A bolt of energy right through here." She poked the center of the circle she had been trailing before pulling her hand back away.

"In that moment, to me, there was nothing that I could do. I had even tried to use my spirit whisper in a desperate attempt to stabilize you. To force you to stay alive until I could get help, but…" Kafka turned and looked away from Stelle again. "You died right there in my arms."

Reliving the memory of Stelle's passing was always painful. A genuinely horrible experience that had actually broken her down to her core to be remade. But this time the pain was subdued, faded out at the edges of her mind, only bringing the slightest of stinging pain where normally it would threaten to crush her under its unbearable weight.

In a sense, she was at peace with it.

"You said something to me, before you died, and it's always stuck with me." She turned back towards Stelle, a warm smile blazing against the cold front of reality that bore down on them at every point in time. "It's… Never once gotten out of my head." 

Retelling the story to Stelle certainly did make it a bit easier to work up to where she wanted to be in order to say what she wanted, but… 

Kafka turned her head back to stare out the window before bringing it back to Stelle, more than glad that Stelle wasn't trying to rush her, pushing her to go faster for her own satisfaction of knowing the answers to everything. Hell, she was glad that she wasn't trying to push her way in to work things through with her, and was just content to let Kafka work through things herself.

Simply patiently sitting and listening to Kafka as she got through everything she needed to get through at her own pace. "And after I lost you, I began to stumble around in the dark." Her gaze shifted to the window, and the endless glittering sea of stars dotting the vast emptiness of space just past the hanger door.

But all of those stars paled when put next to the one next to her. The brightest star of them all.

"We were inseparable, you know. Always. A duo which would have torn through the galaxy." She paused, eyes stuck in one particular point in the space beyond. "Half of my reputation is owed to you." She turned back to Stelle, a slight hint of anger flashing through her eyes behind the soft smile that masked it. "I - we - followed Elio for years."

"And he led us to my death." Stelle whispered, the voice cooling the heat rising through Kafka's core, keeping it from spilling out into the atmosphere around her. "It would explain what I saw in my encounter with the Doomsday Beast, at least." 

Kafka nodded. "Yes. He did. All for his grand plan. His ideal future." She paused to let out a deep breath, flushing the bitter taste in her mouth away. "For my future." Another Pause. No. " Our Future." Her eyes drifted to the wall housing the doorway, a line of wanted posters she didn't recognize - though she recognized the faces on all but one set - lined up with one she certainly did recognize on the end. Right next to a very rough and artistic depiction of Stelle. 

Her wanted poster.

Stelle had stolen one of her posters and hung it up on her wall right next to one of herself.

Kafka smirked, nearly imperceptibly. She'd have to bring it up later, but first… Back to what was important. "When I coiled my strings around your mind back on the Luofu, the way I activated the spirit whisper must have activated some memories of yours." It was a struggle recalling what had happened. What she had managed to do was… She didn't want to think about it. She couldn't think about it. 

"I saw it on your face, from the way you looked at me, to… I…" Kafka's head dropped slightly, eyes falling to the floor. Repressing emotions had become easy for her, but the whole situation stung her in ways she really wished it wouldn't. "I didn't intend for any of that to happen, by the way." 

"It's… Alright." Stelle smiled down at Kafka, despite the fact that the other woman couldn't see her, her hand running down Kafka's arm and resting on her leg, gently squeezing it. Another gentle, tender motion. One that Kafka had been missing for far too long… So long that it made her head buzz as if she had been drinking.

Kafka sighed. "After you were gone, I had nowhere to turn. Nowhere to go. There was no one waiting for me when I got back from a mission" She paused for a moment. "Elio hadn't told me it was the most vital part of his plan for years." Kafka stopped herself before she started to rant about her employer again. The unspoken words were clear as day. 

'He left me to believe that everything was my fault for years. That I had ruined everything.'

Her head tilted up towards Stelle. "The one thing I had stuck to like glue was gone, and when he finally said he could bring you back - to give you back to me - the hooks dug deeper." Her eyes flicked away for a moment before coming back to meet Stelle's golden gaze. "And no matter what happens here, I will go back to him. And I'd do everything over again. Because the deal he offered me - the future he's promised me…" 

Stelle nodded, but kept quiet. She obviously wasn't going to make Kafka explain anything she didn't want to. Just like she hadn't all those years ago when Kafka had first got swept in his grand plans. 

She really hadn't changed a thing. 

But Kafka wasn't going to lie to Stelle - even if she could - it was important that what Elio foresaw came to pass, and she wouldn't be able to stay with Stelle from here on to the end of the world. Frankly too much was on the line. And she'd rather have the chance to be with Stelle forever after the end of Elio's plans, rather than spend the time with her from now until then.

She tilted her head and clasped her hands together on her lap, squeezing them together tightly. No matter what happened. No matter how much she wanted to not leave Stelle again… "I can't let you die. Not again." 

Stelle scanned kafka's face and took a deep breath. Kafka had gone silent and she obviously needed a nudge. "Is that all you needed to say?" It was a fake question. Well, the question itself was real, but she knew that it wasn't all Kafka had to say, she just needed to keep things from pittering out.

Especially when she had gathered together what Kafka was going to say minutes ago. She could see it in those eyes, the way they looked at her compared to anything else they looked at. She saw it in her smile, so much more warm and inviting than the vacant empty smile given to others. She saw it in Kafka's mannerisms, the inflections of her voice, the pace of her heartbeat, every subtle change in tone or her breathing. It was obvious.

It was obviously obvious.

Everything Kafka had done - on the Space Station, on the Luofu, and right now - it all pointed to one thing, and one thing only within Stelle's mind.

Her heart pounded in her ears. Loud enough to drown out the sounds of the express beginning to leave its docking place to be free of the Luofu. Loud enough to pound away any of the lingering tiredness that had wormed its way into Stelle before Kafka had dropped through her ceiling to talk to her.

But always quiet enough that she could hang onto every single one of Kafka's words. Each one coming through in perfect clarity. 

But she knew how to play dumb, and especially when to play dumb. If she didn't let Kafka get through it on her own, it was very possible that Stelle would never hear what it was her heart so desperately wanted to hear.

"No, it's not." Kafka began again, her eyes glued deep into Stelle's own. The glittering yellow irises from the Stellaron's infection had grown on her. It was the only thing about her that had changed, and they hadn't made her any less beautiful.

"When I said Elio handed you to me back when we played our little game, that was… Metaphorical." She paused, and changed her tone slightly, back into one ready to tell a story. "We were children, and neither of us had an inkling of who or what an Elio was." She looked past Stelle, to the door of the cabin. She was stalling, absolutely, but the longer she stalled the more concrete what she needed to say set in her mind.

And there was obviously no issue in stalling. Stelle was ever patient, and continued to listen, and they were completely alone. No time frames in sight. "You had moved for whatever reason, ancient and irrelevant history at this point, and naturally you were placed right next to me." She tilted her head back towards Stelle and laughed. "Considering how close we got, and how fast it happened, it was obviously planned from the start. Designed to produce exactly the connection we had formed."

She sighed, and let memories rush back momentarily before dispelling them from her mind. As much as she enjoyed getting lost in them, she was a little busy at this moment. "I was a bit of a problematic child, and you couldn't care less. Not that you were any different."

Her smile returned. It had been a much happier time. They were happier people in a happier place back then. Never a care in the world - no, the universe - for anything other than each other. Only each other.

She would give anything to go back to those days for just a minute. Even for just a moment. A single moment in time to hold in her hands forever. But… 

The past was the past. No different from the future. Something that mattered, but didn't exist. What did exist, what actually had weight was the present. And what they were going to do in this present moment in time. 

She blinked away the thoughts, bringing herself back to the here and now. Back in Stelle's room on the Astral Express. Stelle was next to her still, exuding a warmth from her eyes and her body and her soft smile that all together made this present moment worth basking in. Even if the past was more important than the present, she was where she wanted to be.

Being next to Stelle was exactly the place she ever wanted to be.

Kafka chuckled and tilted her head up, staring at the ceiling as though someone all together new and surprising would be crawling through the same vent she had just been in any second. "You know, Wolfie would call me pathetic if she saw how soft I got with you." She turned her head back towards Stelle, a slightly goofy smile spread across her lips. "But she's not here, so I can be as soft as I want."

Stelle let out a small chuckle, before bouncing off the statement. "Crazy to think the hardened war criminal with an eleven billion credit bounty was just a big old softie the whole time." She teased, trying to break the stale air and discomfort that had started to permeate throughout the room. She hated seeing Kafka as downcast as she had been, so a more meaningful smile creeping back up on her lips was a major relief. "If it's too much, you can just skip through whatever, it's fine."

"No Stelle," Kafka started, almost immediately. "I said I was going to lay all my cards on the table, so I'm going to show you my hand." She paused and let her eyes drift back to the door for a moment. It was unlocked. 

The thought flashed across her mind momentarily to get up and flip the deadbolt, but she couldn't bring herself to leave her spot next to Stelle, and asking her to get up and do it was an equally detestable situation.

She tilted her head back towards Stelle, though her eyes lingered on the door. "When I said that we were inseparable, I meant it. Nothing could ever keep us apart." Her eyes shifted back towards Stelle. "You would even sneak out at night to be with me as long as you could." Kafka let out a small laugh. "Your 'mother' hated it, but she knew her place in the plan meant that she couldn't get in the way of us getting close." 

She stopped and tilted her head slightly, letting specific memories resurface of long nights and longer weekends where they were literally attached at the hip. "You would lay your head in my lap for hours, sometimes even an entire day, and yet you still always worried about how I felt about you."

Stelle laughed quietly. "I guess not a lot has changed." 

"No…" Kafka's head tilted back upright. "Back at the Matrix - when I said you hadn't changed a thing, I meant it." She paused for a moment to let everything so far sink in before shifting gears. "In class one day, something embarrassing happened - well, rather it was a fairly mortifying experience for you." She recalled the memory perfectly, always. How could she not have? It was one of the most important things to ever happen in her life. "When we got home you finally found it in yourself to ask. Maybe if everything was real you'd have felt less embarrassed, I suppose."

"Well," Stelle laughed, her grin spreading wide, from ear to ear. "Considering you're here right now, telling me all these things, I can only guess at what you said back then." She swelled with some amount of pride. It was incredible, really - at least to her - how she managed to pull the woman next to her. She looked like she could have anyone in the universe she wanted.

But who Kafka wanted was her.

"Yeah, you do." Kafka returned the grin and laughed for a minute, riding along on the wave of mirth until it passed, knowing the tone would shift to a more dire one again. "But our world was destined to die - just like you." She paused. It was poetic, really. "It had a Stellaron infection, the same thing that was happening on Jarillo VI before you all stopped it." She paused again, letting her thoughts father in one place. "It was gradual, of course, and as much as I'd have liked to watch everything happen, we never saw the full destruction of the world. We were ferried off long before the end."

Kafka lowered her head slightly, dropping her voice to barely a whisper. "I remember it like it was yesterday. Our planet below us, fully ready to just die because it had been infected with a destructive influence we could only imagine, and no one had tried to stop it." She paused for a moment. "All that, and we were caught up with the other waves of people being pulled off the planet, starting to finally go through its death throes." 

Stelle frowned, but stayed quiet as Kafka continued on. "We were all given the news that everyone was to be shipped out to thousands of other worlds. To start new lives, or be pressed into indentured servitude for the IPC or whatever the so-called important people in charge were wanting to do." 

Kafka dropped her eyes slightly. "Unfortunately for us, because we were just a couple of teenagers  there was no way we'd have been able to convince the people in charge that we were a family." She raised her hand up and entwined two fingers. "We were as close as we could get at that point - we were all each other even had left by the end." She sighed and pulled the fingers apart. "But for the first time in our lives we were pulled away from one another. You to one planet, me to another."

"While I was away, I found a new job that put my inherent lack of fear to use." she paused. "And from there, Elio found me. I thought it was due to my skills as a devil hunter, but he had obviously been planning to recruit me from the start." Another pause, her smile shifting slightly into a smirk. "His reasons for everything were always so circular, but he did give me an offer I just couldn't refuse."

Stelle finally spoke up again. "Your future."

"No, Stelle." Kafka pulled her gaze back to meet Stelle's, letting the denial linger for a moment. " Our future." She sighed, another infinitely depressing thought entering her mind. "Within two years we were together again, and in three more you were ripped back away."  Stelle nodded along. "I let Elio talk me into bringing you into the Stellaron Hunters. It was all a trick, of course - a setup for everything that's happened since…" She paused. She really was not selling things. "But every twist and turn has been worth it." 

Of course, he wouldn't tell her anything for years, always letting it fester in the back of her head that everything fell apart because of her. That all blame laid squarely at her feet. That she had just messed up the future and that he would make it alright again. And she believed him. No matter what he did, she always believed him - over and over and over until she was so deep in his miasmic swamp of destiny that she could never escape. 

Because why wouldn't she sink into the swamp and believe his words?

He had promised her the universe.

No, he had promised her more than that.

All she had to do was see his plans through to the end.

And so that was exactly what she would do.

Because it was all worth it in the end. Even if it was painful in the now - and it was very painful at times. Because at the end was the perfect future. Their perfect destiny. When all their problems were solved, and they could finally be in peace together.

"Hey…" Stelle spoke up, bringing Kafka back to reality. Back to where she wanted to be. Not stuck in the futures that Elio had laid out for her, no longer lost in the concept of destiny. Nor was she drowning in the past that she could get forever swept away in. But she was in the present. The here and now. The place she wanted to be. With the most important person in her life.

A place where she could breathe.

Stelle spoke up again, shaking the cobwebs infesting Kafka's head once more. "Are you okay?"

The question reverberated and bounced around in her skull. There was no way she could explain what was happening. Not now. Probably ever. Not to Stelle. Probably anyone. 

Anyway, this was about what she wanted to tell Stelle, not what she couldn't, or had to, or should, or any number of things. This was simply about what she wanted to say to the person she wanted to talk to. The script was empty. It was all empty. No obligations. No work. No keeping track of Blade, or chasing Silver Wolf around or helping Sam keep the books balanced. This was exactly when Elio-

No. She shook her head. She was done thinking about him as long as she could get away with it. She couldn't think about him. Not anymore. She had to shake his roots out of her head. He wasn't here. This wasn't about him. This was solely about Kafka and Stelle and nothing or anyone else.

Right. Stelle's question.

"Yeah, I'm fine." Kafka unclasped her hands so she could rub her arm, closed her eyes, letting out a deep breath. "There's just a lot on my mind, you know?"

"You're not the only one." Stelle was quiet and measured, every word soothing ambrosial honey that soothed Kafka's mind and soul from all that ailed her. All that could ail her. All that ever ailed her.

"I suppose I'm not." Kafka chuckled as her eyes opened up once again. "Like I said, when you died, you said something to me." It was time to actually get to the meat of things. What she had resolved to do that brought her here in the first place. What she had started far earlier in the conversation. "It was something that has been rattling around in my head… Something I just couldn't ever get out."

She paused again for just a moment. "Not that I ever wanted it out, mind, but even when I tried to replace it… " She took a breath. "To replace you. " It was hard to think about, one of her greatest regrets, but that was exactly what she had done. "Even then it wouldn't ever leave me." 

She scanned her eyes across Stelle's face before closing them just one more time, her smile was gentle, and expression peaceful. She had finally worked it up and out in her head. All that was left was finally saying it. Far too many years late, but it would always be better late than never.

Stelle's head was absolutely buzzing and crumbling in on itself. Well actually it was more accurate to say it was melting. The pieces had already clicked - in fact between everything that kafka had said, and everything she had already seen she could even remember it. It was fuzzy and broken, but she remembered the pouring rain. A Stellaron formed into a horrible crystalline creature.

She remembered a blast of energy. A massive shock of pain.

The comfort of Kafka's arms.

She remembered the last words she had ever said before everything went black. They spun in her mind and made her head shake and burn. Three words rattling around and bouncing from end to end like a pinball in a machine.

She closed her eyes and leaned closer, as though in a trance, her mouth parting slightly… She…

She…

"I love you too." | "I love you." They said it simultaneously. Kafka had started first, but ended last, such was the way of her pattern of speech, but just as their hearts beat together  in the dim light of the room, so too did their brains and thoughts buzz simultaneously with excitement. Tears welled up in the corner of Kafka's eyes as they slowly opened, and there Stelle was. The only thing in her vision, eyes squeezed tight, unending streams of tears sliding down her face.

Kafka slid the glove off of one of her hands and gently brushed it against Stelle's cheek, dragging a stream of fresh tears along with it. "Why?" Stelle opened her eyes and looked down at Kafka. "Why?" she asked again, causing Kafka's heart to start trembling.

Why what?

Why did Kafka love her?

Why did she love Kafka?

Why did Kafka come here?

Why did she dredge up all these painful memories that she was blissfully free from?

"Why didn't you tell me all this sooner?" Stelle bubbled between tears, finally starting to slow.

Despite the obvious pain that Stelle was deeply suffering from, Kafka felt a heavy wave of relief wash over her. That was a much easier question to answer. And it was also a question that didn't leave her with a sense of dread.

Stelle continued, "You could have told me at the Space Station when you woke me up, or before we fought, or…" She trailed off, thoughts and questions bubbling and popping before she could get them out. "I would have found a way to keep up appearances if you told me!" She sounded almost desperate. "What about at the interrogation? Fuck, it could have been before or even after the kiss, I don't care. You could have written, even? Or texted? You had my phone number the whole time, didn't you? You could have come through the hatch in the ceiling?"

Stelle was obviously panicking, asking a million questions in her head at once, and positing about half of them at the woman next to her. It was so bad she was shaking and even through that, she could feel her trembling and anxious heartbeat through her side.

"I… I couldn't." Kafka looked away in shame. She knew it was a bad answer. She knew it was the wrong answer. "Or I thought I couldn't." She sighed. Another poor excuse for an answer. More true than the last, but no more satisfying. "Elio. Elio said I couldn't - you would have chased me instead of doing what you needed to do."

"And yet I did exactly that anyway." Stelle mumbled as the anxious tears began to finally cease.

"I know , Stelle. I saw it in your eyes when I woke you back up. I used the spirit whisper, and I told you to chase the future. To let go of the past, and only look forward to what destiny had in store for you, and you chose to chase me ." She took a shaky breath before pulling herself back together. 

She hadn't had such an… Absolute rush of emotions since the day Stelle passed. Not even bringing her back was this… Dangerous. "I'm sorry Stelle, I would have told you if I could have, I wanted to so desperately."

"But you couldn't break from the script…" Stelle paused and looked away. "I know…" She didn't want to admit it, but she knew that Kafka was right deep down. Likely deep inside of whatever it was that kept her alive where Elio fucking programmed her to know that Kafka was right. 

But she still felt empty and bitter. Like it was somehow her own fault for being too weak to know anything sooner. For being too likely to chase after the woman she loved.

Loved.

The word stuck out in her mind amidst all the fog and rush of noise. She hadn't regained any memories beyond the exact moments leading up to her death, and her death itself. Even the stuff that Kafka explicitly told her was related to her past simply felt familiar, but not from her own life.

But one thing did stick out in her mind. Something that she did absolutely remember. And it was the most important thing. The one important thing.

Barely legible flashes of the past were meaningless, and frankly, so too was the concept of merely being told what she should be remembering.

But she did remember when she died. Despite the flashes and foggy mirrors the memory was filtered through, she remembered saying those words.

More importantly, she remembered meaning them.

And she knew that she felt exactly the same now as she had then.

Nothing had changed.

Not a single thing.

Really, though, how could they have changed? To her it had only been a couple of months since she said the words, laying in Kafka's arms as blood trickled from her mouth. A couple of months of yearning was absolutely not going to make her change the way she felt. In fact, they would have only made things worse. They did only make things worse.

The fact that Kafka had managed to let the words weigh on her mind for so many years, unable to let herself move on or fall into something new with someone new wasn't just more surprising, it painted her with a restraint that Stelle simply didn't have. Because Stelle struggled to stay off Kafka while also not even remembering why she was all over the woman.

Kafka had been waiting for nearly ten fucking years.

It was no wonder that such a woman as calm and composed and powerful as her would start to melt any time she was face to face with Stelle. Why she always seemed to do anything she could for this total fucking stranger.

Because they weren't strangers.

And nothing had changed.

Kafka's smile was gentle as she turned back to Stelle, her eyes totally enraptured with the woman next to her. Stelle could see beads of water forming at the edges of those beautiful pink abysses, threatening to spill from their resting spot, but never leaving. "I couldn't take you with me. No matter how much I wanted." She closed her eyes and shook her head slowly before opening her eyes again. "You had to be on the Express. That's why I couldn't tell you on the Space Station."

"And you couldn't tell me at the interrogation because we were all on a very important schedule, I know." Stelle interrupted, receiving a slight nod from Kafka.

"And while I didn't have your number until a few days before I had messaged you asking for help with Blade, I knew even then that we'd be able to talk here. Alone." She paused. "And the fight, I…" Her head hurt, a small headache beginning to spread from the core of her brain out. "It hadn't crossed my mind. I was far too busy trying not to hurt you while putting on a show for your friends that I wound up hurting you in ways that I will never be able to forgive myself for."

"Then at least let me forgive you. You know, for yourself." Stelle whispered back. "I know it doesn't make sense, but…" 

Kafka nodded, her heart pounding in her chest. It hurt so much. Far more than it should have. To hear Stelle say something like that - even if it didn't make much sense - was… Well… She felt like a kid again every time the two were together. A stupid lovesick teen. "Stelle…" 

"I mean it Kafka." She gently pressed her finger underneath Kafka's chin, raising it up gently and slowly until Kafka's gaze clicked back into its fixed position with Stelle's once more.

Kafka instinctively pouted. That wasn't fair. That was her job.

Stelle inched herself imperceptibly closer to Kafka, likely out of instinct, their faces so very close to one another. And she was gentle, oh so very gentle as she dropped her hand down from Kafka's chin, sliding it past her shoulder and down her arm. She was clearly going to take the lead of the dance this time, and while Kafka was more used to the leading role she was more than willing to relinquish the reins just for this.

Stelle shuffled and shifted her body onto the bed, resting on her knees, one hand holding Kafka's in her own, her heart burning with desire. But she wouldn't do anything. She knew not to push on anything. Not until it was the time to do so.

Kafka's breaths went almost ragged as she shifted herself to mirror Stelle's position, her forehead resting against Stelle's as her arms looped themselves over her shoulders and around the back of her neck. It was a position the two of them had shared plenty of times over the years. "I missed you Stelle." 

"I know." Stelle whispered back, tilting her head slightly up, bringing her lips closer to Kafka's.

Kafka mirrored the motion, tilting her head back up and towards Stelle, her lips parting ever so slightly. Stelle seemed to want to steal away this kiss, and she was more than willing to oblige. One kiss. Just one kiss, if nothing else, before she left. If this was the end of everything. If one of them died again. If they felt they could never be together again. If the universe crumbled and fell apart around them taking them with it.

None of it mattered.

None of any of that mattered.

Nothing would get in the way of what she wanted right now.

What she wanted more than anything.

She was going to get this kiss.

Stelle's lips parted themselves in anticipation. Neither would show any resistance. 

Why would they?

Neither of them had any desire to.

It was almost as though Kafka had wrapped her strings around Stelle again, dominating her will and melting their minds together to be one. But there were no strings. No domination. In fact, Stelle was, if anyone, the one in charge this time.

And this was exactly what she wanted.

No.

This was exactly what she needed.

What happened back at the Matrix of Prescience was only a taste. An appetizer. A simple prelude to what was to come. Of right now. This exact moment. Where she'd get exactly what she desired.

And then she would take more.

She had needed this deep down since she had woken up on the station. Not just when Kafka had woken her up and did whatever it was she had done to her, but when March and Dan Heng had woken her up afterwards. She needed it when she hunted Kafka across the Luofu. She needed this when they had fought for the amusement of others. She needed it when Kafka shattered her mind, and she needed it still afterwards.

She had been sated at the Matrix, but their meeting again had only made the need burn hotter.

And she knew Kafka felt the same way, else she wouldn't have kept goading and prodding and pushing and pulling her around. She wouldn't be opening herself up to Stelle like she always did. Like she was doing exactly right now.

And for Kafka's part, she had been feeling it for far longer. Alone with her own thoughts, or stuck with the other Stellaron Hunters. The only thing that always seemed to stay at the absolute peak of her hierarchy of needs was Stelle. Nothing but Stelle.

'And now that I have you again.'  Kafka's thoughts began to buzz. 'I'm never going to lose you again.' Her thoughts swirled into a whirlpool of need and greed, taking anything else down to the depths of nothingness with every single millimeter the two moved ever closer and closer, the distance between them nothing more than atoms as static shocks stung between the two. 

'Never, ever agai-'

Her thoughts were interrupted by the sound of a voice coming through the wall, an obnoxiously peppy voice, sing-songing its way towards the unlocked door. "Hey Stelle!~ Bronya wanted us to come and visit for some kind of festival!" The door slid open. "So we… We…" it was March. Who else could it have been, really. 

Her eyes grew wide as they fell onto the scene before her, her voice trailing on out into the deepness of space. Somewhere she so desperately wanted to flee to. Stelle and that criminal she just couldn't keep herself away from, sitting on the bed, leaning towards each other.

They were about to kiss.

Again.

"STELLE? WHAT ARE YOU-" She stopped as the two parted, Kafka pulling slightly away as Stelle swung her head around in abject terror, Kafka leaning to the side slightly behind her, waving at March with an obviously mischievous smile on her face. "SHE DID BRAINWASH YOU!" March slammed the door back shut and ran off down the hall, tears streaming down her face, shouting out ahead for Himeko's help. Or Mr. Yang's. Or Dan Heng's. Or anyone's. Even Pom-Pom's would have been acceptable.

Kafka tilted her head back towards Stelle. "I guess I need to leave the scene of the crime, then…" She pulled herself back slightly. The kiss was off, unfortunately, as were any other plans she may have had. She needed to get off the train before things got really messy, and not in a good way. "You know how it i-"

Stelle whipped around faster than even the speed of light and pushed Kafka roughly back down against the bed, sprawled out, and eyes wide. "Absolutely not." Stelle whispered - no, growled - before bringing herself down, pushing her lips into contact with Kafka's.

Kafka was obviously surprised, but equally and obviously not upset. Her eyes closed and her lips parted themselves fully to give way to Stelle. Whatever she wanted. However she wanted. For as long as she wanted. She was Stelle's fully.

Stelle's hands slid into Kafka's, fingers intertwining as she pushed her further into the fluff of the bed, pinning her there, making her grand escape from under the taller woman impossible. But there was no need. Not anymore. They stayed there. Lost in the moment with each other whilst a great storm was approaching them once more.

Stelle pulled away, just enough to break the kiss so that she could speak, but not so far away that there was any distance between them at all. "I'm sorry, I just…" A blush crept across her cheeks, but she stayed firm and absolute, eyes locked into the center of Kafka's.

"Don't you apologize to me. Not for that." Kafka whispered back, her breaths heavy and beating against Stelle. She refused to move a muscle. Not even to push herself back into another kiss - no matter how much she oh so desperately wanted to. The look in Stelle's eyes told her that she had so much more to say.

"I…" Stelle stumbled through her thoughts, totally lost within them as she raised her head enough to look out the window to the passing stars glittering in the blackness past the moving train. "I remember." She looked back down at the woman below her, and her heart hammered away in her chest and ears and everywhere else, making her practically vibrate while she tried to stay totally still. "N-not everything of course. Not enough to know everything about myself. Not enough to know everything about what we've ever had." 

She looked back out the window for a moment then back down to Kafka. Her Kafka. It was like remembering what happened at the end, remembering how everything fell apart, was the plug that kept all her other memories locked away. And now that the plug was pulled it had all begun to rush back.

She remembered what was immediately important. What she needed to remember. Right here. And right now. Memories playing themselves back and forth and back again in her head, flashing for some, but full and vivid and filled with color and care and love for others.

She remembered when they first met. The drizzling rain and the smell of the fresh cut grass. She remembered sneaking out of the house to be with Kafka. She remembered their first play together. She was the prince, and Kafka was her sleeping beauty.

She remembered chickening out of the kiss at the climax of the play, the regret and remorse and the pain at being unable to do what she so desperately wanted to do. And then she remembered their first kiss on Kafka's bed. They were in the same position they were in when Stelle had gone in before their interruption.

She even remembered that it was Kafka's birthday present

She remembered that it was the only time Kafka had ever pressured Stelle into doing something before she was absolutely ready.

She remembered the mortifying experience. The poems, the stupid poems. Kafka's and her's mirrored each other's perfectly. Everyone knew the two were together before Stelle did.

She remembered the last time the two watched over the sea together, horrible and powerful in its beauty and greatness. She remembered that it reminded her of the two of them.

She remembered the shocks of terrible and crippling loneliness from when the two were torn apart. She remembered the smell of Kafka's perfume. The same she always wore. The same she even wore now, but now she remembered why the scent prickled at her dopamine receptors.

She remembered the hug when they were together again. How Stelle spun Kafka around in her arms before they had run back into the ship to make up for lost time.

She remembered even the little things, like the marionettes, or how the butterfly pin was a gift Stelle had given to Kafka. One that she still wore to this day. She remembered the key that march had found in her laundry a month ago was something she held onto tightly all those years ago.

She remembered how well Kafka played the violin. Why she knew how to play the piano. How they played a duet together in an empty ballroom instead of spending all their time where they were supposed to be for prom. 

She remembered the first time they had ever slept together that same night.

And she remembered their last night together.

"I remember you." 

Kafka trembled under Stelle. She felt like she was going to explode. Or that she was going to cry. Maybe both at the same time. Somehow her emotions had spiked even more than when she had finally gotten to say she loved Stelle.

She could see the memories playing across Stelle's eyes as her chest heaved with ragged, needy breaths. Kafka had no words. Not a single one. So she did the only thing she could, and leaned her head up to pull Stelle back into another kiss. She didn't care that their time was limited, and she knew that Stelle didn't either.

They only cared that they were together. Two halves of a whole.

But the clock was ticking.

Tick tock

One of Stelle's hands loosened its grip on Kafka, sliding down from her hand and to her shoulder, needily tugging away at the sleeve of her coat, and pulling it far enough to the side that Kafka's bare shoulder was exposed.. 

She tilted her body so that the coat wouldn't rip as Stelle slipped it down her arm and pulled away from the kiss, trailing her mouth down Kafka's neck and to her bare shoulder, kissing and leaving soft nibbles where she went.

Tick tock

Kafka groaned and slid her free hand up behind Stelle's own coat, running her hand up the back of the plain white shirt, digging her nails into Stelle's back to urge her further down and into herself.

Tick tock

Stelle shifted herself, keeping one hand in Kafka's the whole time as she adjusted to have one of Kafka's legs between the two of her's. Kafka knew what to do and lifted her leg as Stelle slid herself down it.

She was desperate. Desperate and needy, and there was only one thing in this universe that could satisfy her.

Tick tock

The two's lips came back into contact, and separated again for just a moment. Kafka parted her lips to speak again through heavy breaths, her larynx vibrating in order to vocalize a warning, but all she could manage was a muffled moan as Stelle's knee dug into the bed, rubbing directly against the inside of her legs through her layers of clothes.

Tick tock

She let go of Kafka's other hand, digging it into the mattress as she kept trying to claw the rest of Kafka's coat off despite the fact that she was laying down.

Tick tock

"Stelle…" Kafka groaned, feeling Stelle rub herself through the layers of fabric separating the two. "We need to-" She was interrupted by Stelle pressing her lips back into her, and Kafka simply accepted it, shrugging the coat the rest of the way off her arm before throwing her arms over Stelle's neck.

Tick tock

She gave up. Her 'resistance' was token, anyway. A false display of concern. Let the other Trailblazers see what Kafka managed to do to their powerful friend in the minutes since March ran out.

Tick tock

She rolled her hips, dragging herself up Stelle's leg. 

Tick tock

She was just as desperate as Stelle was at this point.

Tick tock

But time was coming to a close, and Kafka knew it, she could hear the weighty sound of heavy footfalls out in the hall as everyone rushed to stop them from finishing what they started.

Tick tock

Stelle let out a weighty groan as Kafka hiked her leg up further, giving her one last taste, one last parting shot before they were torn apart.

Tick tock

She pulled away from the kiss, biting the bottom of Stelle's lips gently as they finally parted. Stelle looked so needy. So, so needy.

Tick tock

"Time's up, my Star." Kafka let out between breaths, sliding her hands down Stelle's neck, and sprawling them back out, Stelle sliding her hands back into place inside them out of instinct, fingers interlocked, before she gave her own breathy response.

"What?"

"Time's up."

The door slid back open, Kafka pushed down onto the bed, coat pulled half off with a wet mark on one of her thighs, slick with Stelle's need. She was pinned to the mattress by Stelle's hands and legs and all of every other part of herself. 

It was certainly a sight to behold, she was sure, but she would have rather kept the view to herself, rather than letting just anyone else see it.

And oh, the others certainly saw it, in fact Kafka could feel Himeko's furious gaze boring its way through the back of Stelle's head well enough that she knew that she was the one being stared at, despite not being able to see anything beyond the two glittering yellow eyes just ahead of her.

"You." The red headed navigator growled. It was a low, angry sound that carried across the room - hell, probably across the entire Express - and cut through the heavy desperate breathing from the woman on top of her.

Kafka grimaced. Despite her specifically wanting to avoid exactly this situation, it seemed like she was about to confront even more of her past.

And naturally, to make things worse, there was the slick wet spot Stelle had left on her thigh that absolutely everyone was going to see.

Kafka took a breath, and turned her grimace back into a smile, and called up from underneath Stelle. "I could leave, if you wanted?" 

Her eyes stayed glued to Stelle, who was beet red down to her shoulders, and shaking, threatening to topple down on top of Kafka or maybe even something even more unpleasant out of stress.

She looked embarrassed, confused, and terrified all at once, but she held steady with Kafka's gaze, refusing to break it under any circumstance, as though it was the only thing keeping her from detonation. Kafka squeezed Stelle's hand, entwined with her own, and watched as the blush receded, the woman's shaking slowly becoming still.

They'd manage to get through this. She knew it. They hadn't gone through everything they had just to fall apart at the finish line thanks to an angry train mom.

"Both of you. Front of the train. Now. " 

It took quite a bit of effort, but eventually Stelle had peeled herself off of Kafka long enough that the fun police could escort the two down the hall. Thankfully, by the time they had Stelle's… Mess had become a lot less noticeable, but she definitely still caught some funny looks from the entire crew as she was pulled off the bed after Stelle. 

They were so much more rough with her too, which felt a little unnecessary. It's not like she could have just sprinted on out of the train without there being a big mess, nor would they have been able to stop her if she tried.

Kafka sighed. At least they let her put her coat back on fully.

Really, the most upsetting thing was how clearly hurt Stelle was at the whole situation, though she seemed far more upset that everyone else had separated the two, rather than anything else that could have been going on.

The group walked along the hall in a single file line led by the Navigator queen herself, dragging along Stelle - who kept turning her head back to look at Kafka, as though Kafka was the one that needed comfort - by the hand, specifically, while March stood behind Stelle, and Dan Heng led Kafka ahead, with Welt bringing the rear of the group.

"Awww, what Dan Heng, don't want to lead me by the hand too? I really don't want to feel left out - I promise I don't have any of Bladie's cooties on me." Kafka teased as the group marched on through the hall. He didn't answer, of course, though likely not out of any sense of justice or duty or anything, but instead because he definitely found Kafka annoying, and also did not want to talk about Blade.

Really, she was just trying to lighten the mood a little bit. It felt like a dour funeral procession, hell, just to sell the comparison, March had been crying. A lot. Even if not for the redness of her face, Kafka would have been able to tell from the incessant sniffling coming from just ahead of her. 

She obviously didn't have a great time literally seeing Stelle in bed with a Stellaron Hunter, but worse than that, when she had returned, Stelle was going for some over-the-clothes-action with her in said bed. Poor thing was obviously traumatized.

Not that it was Kafka's problem, really. And considering some of the things Silver Wolf said, March really wasn't in the place to get on Stelle's case about it, but, well, here they were.

Thankfully, the actual trip between Stelle's room and the parlor car wasn't exceedingly long, and aside from sniffling and Kafka's little jokes here and there, it was mostly silent. When the bright lights of the parlor car finally came into view from the door connecting it to the first of the passenger cars, Kafka had almost felt relief, even.

It was a familiar place, at least, even if the situation she was in was anything but.

Well, actually, it did have some measure of familiarity to the last time she had the displeasure of physically being on the train, but it wasn't the good kind of familiarity that gave relief and eased tension, but instead filled her with a sense of dread. 

But at least it was some kind of familiarity, she supposed, instead of being some entirely new and terrible situation.

Himeko led Stelle to the center of one of the couches before sitting down next to her, March curling up next to Himeko, still sniffling and wiping tears from her reddened cheeks. The whole ordeal was absolutely mortifying for her, even if it seemed almost preformative in a way.

Welt, of course, led Kafka to the other couch, guiding her down to sit down on a spot all alone, opposite from the party couch filled with everyone else, before he went to find his place on the other side of Stelle from Himeko.

Likely just as much to box her in to keep her from escaping than to keep her from feeling unsafe.

Lastly, Dan Heng stood next to the couch Kafka was on, obviously as some kind of guard should Kafka try to slip away, lance always at the ready. It made sense, he was probably the one that had the greatest chance against her out of anyone else on the train, but it was just a formality really. Kafka wasn't going to go anywhere, and even if she was, she doubted Dan Heng would be able to awaken the powers of Inhibitor Lunae fast enough to be able to stop her.

Because if she wanted to leave, she wouldn't have been leaving alone. Even if Stelle wouldn't willingly help her make her big break out of the clutches of the express and the devil in charge, she wouldn't have really had a choice. Kafka's hooks were deep enough that she would easily answer Kafka's call.

Perks dating someone who had found the spirit whisper hot for years would lead them to being incredibly vulnerable to it, it turned out.

Kafka sighed at her predicament, and solo-couch status, and Welt shot her a weak, but understanding smile. It was pretty obvious, at least to her, that he didn't fully distrust Kafka like the others, especially not after she had shown weakness in the aftermath of her and Stelle's fight on the Luofu.

More than that though, for some reason she felt that if she hadn't Welt still wouldn't have hated her, or wanted her gone. He was pretty old, and he'd probably seen lesbians far more disastrous in that lifetime than whatever the hell Stelle and Kafka had going on.

Who knew, maybe the two reminded him of those other disasters.

Kafka smiled after everyone got situated in their assigned seatings. Apparently the conductor was off with other business, or it was scared of her, or they simply didn't want the little creature making the situation seem less serious than they thought it was. It was too bad, the little bunny thing hanging around would have made this out to be the farce that it was.

Kafka shrugged and decided to be the one that finally broke the never ending silence. "Wow Stelle, one kiss and you're already asking me to meet the family, huh?" Kafka teased from across the train, hoping to lighten the poor woman's mood even just a little bit. "Next thing I know, you'll be asking me to move in."

Himeko's face immediately soured. Clearly she wasn't in the mood for jokes. Shocker. "Stop playing Kafka, wh-"

Kafka tsked, and turned her teasing gaze towards Himeko. "No, it was quite rude of you to interrupt us in the middle of whatever it was we were allegedly doing, so you don't get to make demands of me." 

Himeko's expression darkened even more - how that was even possible, she wasn't even sure, but there they were. " I was being rude? You broke onto the train, and despite the fact that I had told you to leave us alone and that we were explicitly not going to get into bed with-"

"Oh come on," Kafka's smile turned downwards into a frown momentarily. "Do any of you know what an 'idiom' means? Did you actually mean that literally?"

"Well yes it's an idiom, but I also wasn't expecting you to actually literally do it. " Himeko threw back getting obviously increasingly annoyed with Kafka's nonsense. "Anyway, stop trying to distract me, and just tell us all what the hell are you doing here?"

Kafka waved her hand dismissively. "Well, you walked in on it, didn't you, you tell me." She continued to tease, unphased by Himeko's clear frustration. Her eyes stayed steady on Stelle, however. The only thing that mattered to her right now was whether or not she was okay.

And she was absolutely obviously not okay, eyes fixed plainly on the floor, mouth zipped up tight, legs pressed so tightly together it was obvious she was trying to hide something. It made Kafka feel bad for her. But of course it had, why wouldn't it have made Kafka concerned.

But if she had the chance to do it over again or run away, she'd have done everything again. Again and again and again.

Maybe she'd have locked the door, though.

And she was pretty sure that Stelle would have felt the same way, despite the temporary embarrassment. They were usually on the same wavelength about that kind of thing. Though just to be sure, she'd have to ask her about it later. Along with the poster thing.

"Or…" Kafka's eyes tilted over towards Himeko momentarily, dragging her thoughts away from Stelle long enough to tease and bully the navigator a little bit more. "Do you want me to explain it to you now? Every single part that you missed leading up to that moment, perhaps? How good it felt?" Her cheshire's grin had returned, and had only grown more devious. 

It was always fun to rile other people up in this way - and make no mistake, she was very good at riling other people up - and it being Himeko was only the icing on the already perfect cake. "Maybe I should include every electrifying detai-"

"Kafka…" It was Welt this time, and the disappointment in his voice was so immeasurable that it made her wince and cease her cloying toying immediately. If it had been literally anyone else in the room, she might have continued plowing forward - especially considering Himeko looked like smoke was about to start billowing out of her ears - but Welt was specifically not to be messed with.

Even to Elio he was almost an entirely unknown quantity outside of specifically anything related to the Astral Express as a whole.

He was - as of now - not to be riled up.

"Alright, alright, I'll stop messing with your poor Navigator's heartstrings." Kafka held up her hands in mock surrender. "I would have thought that maybe the great leader of the Nameless could have handled a few pokes, but here we are." Kafka sighed slightly as her eyes shifted back over to Stelle, boring into her. She was trying to make herself as small as humanly possible, though she would still occasionally poke her head up from the floor, stealing away glances at Kafka as best as she could. 

"Really," Kafka started again, giving an exaggerated shrug. "I don't know what was going through your poor Trailblazer's mind when she pushed me down onto the bed to kiss me and… The other things-" She paused to let that one linger before continuing the thought, "-instead of letting me make a clean getaway, but…" She paused again. Putting some of the blame on Stelle was unfortunate, but it was absolutely factual. Kafka was more than prepared to just leave, and perhaps make March take the fall for 'seeing things' or whatever Stelle managed to come up with.

But that's not what happened, so she had to make the best of the situation. "Well, I don't regret a thing." Kafka finished and waved a hand over towards Stelle. "And I'm sure she doesn't either. She was the one who did it all, anyway." She stopped and crossed her legs, clasping her hands together on top of them, her grin pulling itself back into her normal smile. "Could have gone without seeing you again, though, Himeko." 

Welt gave kafka another look, and she settled herself back down again. Obviously he was more than willing to hear her out, and would likely just be happy if Stelle was happy, but she was starting to push the navigator to the point where she would simply eject her out into space for being a serial problem causer. 

Which would have been unequivocally bad, though the idea of Welt specifically being the one who'd stick up for her if things came to that was slightly relieving.

Her gaze shifted to the other two Nameless, the ones who were neither the topic of the conversation, nor currently contributing to it. While obviously March was very upset, she wasn't actively being belligerent, which was certainly a surprise - maybe Silver Wolf actually got to her - and Dan Heng looked like he wanted to crawl back into his room as far away from any of the Stellaron Hunters as possible.

Not because he had anything against them or her specifically, of course, he just had the same look on his face as any time she had seen him and Blade in the same place at the same time.

Which was the only time she ever saw him, but that was probably irrelevant.

As for Himeko, well, those bridges were demolished and burned and tossed into the deepest parts of the abyss a long time ago. And even if they hadn't been, Kafka doubted she would want to cross it anyway.

She chuckled. Well, considering the most important person on the Express was the one that hated her the most, at this point her current mission was to get off the train alive.

"There was just something really important I needed to tell Stelle. In private, away from anyone else." She paused for a moment. "It was something I couldn't have told her at the Matrix - too many prying eyes, and we were on a schedule - and I couldn't tell her when she helped Bladie and I out of a tight spot." Another pause as her eyes trailed all across Stelle's body, trying to get a read for how comfortable she was with Kafka giving anything away. "Everything that happened after I told her was unplanned."

Obviously she wouldn't complain about what happened. Certainly not Stelle pinning her to the bed, or the kiss, or the fact that Stelle seemed to remember enough about Kafka that she wouldn't have to sit and explain actually everything from start to finish. Or, well, the part where Stelle was trying so hard to get off on Kafka's leg.

That part was certainly… Interesting.

Yeah. Interesting.

But ultimately, the only thing that she had come here to do was to tell Stelle that she loved her and leave. Nothing else, really.

Kafka hummed slightly, quiet enough that only she had heard herself. Perhaps the hum was within her own head, even. "To be completely honest, I was sure that nothing would have ultimately happened. That she had found a relationship with someone else here on the Express, despite how she would act with me in private." 

That was in part one of the intentions behind sending Stelle to become part of the nameless. To have her form new relationships and bonds detached from her old ones among the Stellaron Hunters. But at the same time, she already knew that Stelle hadn't actually gone that far in building any new relationships - especially considering that the only person among the crew she'd have expected Stelle to fall into, well…

Wolf would have had some words on that front.

But all that was irrelevant. It was an easy enough half-truth that helped to exonerate her from the idea that all of this was 'planned' in some way, and really that was the entire point. 

"But," Welt spoke up again, trying to lead the conversation along in a more productive way than Himeko could. "Why would something be so important that you broke onto the train instead of inviting her somewhere private?" Kafka felt relief that he was the one in the lead at this point. Perhaps Himeko had even asked him to take the interrogation into his own hands because she knew he'd be the best neutral party.

Or maybe this was just good cop/bad cop, and they realized Kafka wasn't going to fall for the bad cop routine.

She tilted her head to the side in thought. "Well, considering her poor review of the way she was treated after she had snuck out last time, I wasn't sure that she could have managed to sneak away to see me again. And even if she could, would she have, knowing the consequences?" She remembered the conversation. 

It was the first time that Kafka had texted Stelle after she had helped her out in the Divination Commission. Just some general small talk while Kafka was between some business, and one thread of conversation led to Stelle complaining about how she practically got grounded from leaving the Express without an escort for a week. Apparently, the same thing had happened after the Matrix, too, according to Silver Wolf. 

Of course, she had also said it was more than worth the hassle afterwards since it meant she had gotten to see and talk to Kafka again, but the other Expressers really didn't need to know that. "Really, all I wanted was the closure. For me, and for her both. I'm sure if all that had transpired was that I came in, gave her closure, and got out you'd have thanked me, but here we are instead. Interrogating me under armed guard."

She sighed. Playing games with people was just part of her nature, and the Astral Express crew was just unusually easy to rile up. In part because she knew how to rile up most of the Nameless because it was very important for her job to know these things, but also… Well they're dumb heroes, and heroes are oh so easy to get pulled into whatever you want to pull them into with just a few words and an ultimatum.

But she didn't want to make an enemy of all of them. For one, it was just as much part of her job to not make an enemy of them as it was to rile them up, but also now the idea was forming that perhaps she should be trying to make return visits in the future, if everything went well, anyway. 

Preferably visits that didn't all involve having to drop in through the roof. 

The dust was awful for her clothes, it made her hair frizz slightly, and crawling through vents was a prime way to ruin a nice coat.

"Look, just because there were some… Unexpected events transpiring, that doesn't mean that I had any ulterior motives." She paused for a moment. "There's no bomb, no mind control, no hacking device to shut off your life support, or any other criminal plot you could imagine that I was trying to pull in order to destroy your precious train. Just a simple and quick bit of conversation." 

Her eyes drifted from March to Welt, before flicking them back to Stelle in the center of her vision. Obviously she had a trick up her sleeve to go along with that. Really, just an easy sell that she was only here to have a little talk. "You both heard me at the Matrix of Prescience. I told her specifically. All the cards on the table. And laying out my hand was all I was here for." 

Welt nodded in understanding, clearly remembering the conversation on the platform, though March still seemed unconvinced. Which made sense, she looked like a rabid dog ready to pounce then, and she wasn't looking much better now. "Yeah, but what about before that?: When you hurt her? And how you made her attack us!" She looked like she was about to stand up from her seat, maybe even try and throw some potted plant or something at Kafka. "We're her REAL friends and you made her attack us! R-E-A-L friends! No brainwashing needed!"

Kafka's smile tilted down slightly into a more muted straight face. Of course she remembered. It was something that she'd never forget. Something she'd never be able to forgive herself for.

"And don't you even try to act sorry!" March continued, raising her voice louder. "I know you're not! You're a M-O-N-S-T-E-R, MONSTER!"

The train fell silent after she was done, Kafka simply tilting her head to March, forcing her blank smile to cross her face before looking back at Stelle, a hint of sorrow in her eyes. 'So close, and yet so far.' It was something she had said to taunt the Express crew during their chase in order to rile them up, to push them forward to stop her, but this time she was the one in that position. So close to Stelle. So close to what belonged to her. What she was owed .

And yet, since Stelle had returned, she hadn't felt more far away than how she felt in this moment.

Well, that was probably a little over dramatic, but being dramatic was exactly what gave life its flavor.

Dramatics were exactly what made life worth living more often than not.

But regardless of her theatrics, the pain of the thought of never being allowed near Stelle again stung away at the rest of her mind.

A future without her brightest star would be a bleak future indeed.

"Calm yourself down, March." Welt finally said, alleviating some of the tension that had started to weigh heavily on the room. "After everything was said and done, I talked to her, and the first thing she did was ask me to apologize to Stelle." He took a sharp breath. "Something I never did." He smacked his lips and sighed before turning to Stelle. "And she asked me to take care of her." he paused and shook his head slightly. "Perhaps she could have lied to me, but I believe I saw her without her mask on. Something I hadn't seen since-" He stopped cold in his tracks before rubbing a hand against the back of his neck.

Himeko, Kafka, and Welt all shot several looks at each other, March and Dan Heng staring on in utter bewilderment at the abrupt halt as the three had a silent conversation with only their eyes. Obviously Kafka had teased at the concept of at least her and Himeko knowing each other earlier, but that had the plausible deniability of her referring to when she projected herself onto the train and they had a 'sour first meeting.' 

This was a bit more of an obvious breach of their pact.

All three nodded in a silent agreement. They knew each other from some time in the past. Obviously they didn't need to go into more detail than that.

"I suppose I'd say that cats outta the bag, but it wasn't really there to begin with." Kafka started with a small smirk. While it was probably more than obvious that all of this was the case, March seemed… Well she seemed a bit like the kind of person that wouldn't pick up on subtlety and would have needed it all spelled out for her. "I've just known Himeko and Welt for a while. Not as long as I've known Stelle, mind, but I knew them." She paused, teetering on the edge of everything she could, or should get along with saying, but thankfully Himeko stepped in before she could start floundering.

"Yes… We… Knew each other." Himeko's eyes were closed, but had they been open they'd be looking anywhere that wasn't Kafka. A fact that made her smile begin to creep back up into a grin across her face. "Though, I certainly wish we hadn't. I could have gone my whole life without seeing the Stellaron Hunter again. Well, any Stellaron Hunter, really."

Kafka let out an incredibly exaggerated scoff, clearly more than prepared to play into Himeko's little game. "It's not like I wanted to see Mrs. Astral Express, either, but sometimes your job makes you go to places you don't want to go again." She paused, thoughts tickling at the back of her head. "I would think the Astral Express crew of all people would know that more than most."

She stopped for a moment and let her smile switch over to something far more mischievous as a thought crossed her mind. "And even if it weren't for my job, sometimes your heart draws you to places you swore you'd never go again."

March recoiled and let out a disgusted eeeeeeeeugh sound at the implication that Kafka was trying to get across. "I don't care how much Welt is willing to trust you, that is NOT the kind of thing I want to hear! Ever!" She continued to whine about 'seeing Stelle all over a criminal' and some such and making exaggerated retching sounds for nearly a full minute while Kafka looped back around to Welt.

"Of course, I understand if none of you could trust me - and if you can't trust me when I say anything else, trust me I'd fully understand you not wanting to believe me-" She paused and let out a small chuckle at the cat's cradle of words she had just managed to get through. "But at least you can trust Welt that I was being genuine, I would hope."

March finally stopped groaning and being a whiny nuisance by the time Kafka finished, groaning one last time to get the point across that she was NOT happy about entertaining anything Kafka said. "Fine, just don't get mushy and gross about Stelle, I DON'T want to hear it." 

Kafka laughed as Stelle shifted uncomfortably in her seat, also possibly uncomfortable at the thought of Kafka being mushy and gross in front of everyone. "Well, maybe it would be better if you ran off or held your hands up over your ears, because-" She unclasped her hands and pointed a finger over at Himeko, "-I know exactly what question comes next." 

Himeko furrowed her brow in response, and a deep frown crossed her face. "Oh, did Elio tell you what I was going to ask next? Like he tells you everything? We're all just on a script right now?"

Kafka winced slightly at her bringing him up. He was basically irrelevant to this entire situation, and he was similarly the last person she wanted to be talking about right now. "He's not part of this, in fact this is something I've done of my own 'free will-'" she put quotations around the words. She obviously wasn't even a little convinced that even should she have complete and total control over everything she did that this wasn't planned and scripted out in advance. "-And it's in direct opposition to what he wanted."

Again, it was a half-truth. Elio had told her when she was not to say anything to Stelle. When to stay away from her, and so on. It took all the restraint she had painstakingly learned over the course of several years to be able to follow his scripts as well as she could around Stelle… But after this point, any scripts for the future never once mentioned she wasn't allowed to say anything, or had to stay away from her.

And between all that, and her meeting with him while the Express was stuck at Jarillo VI, it was oh so easy to put two and two together. She wasn't stupid.

It was obvious that all this was important to his plot, but again, he just simply wasn't someone she wanted to think or talk about. Not right now. Not when she was technically, strictly speaking, free of his direction. Despite how much parts of this whole situation made her WISH it was scripted.

She shook her head to really get the idea out and no longer lodged in there. "I mean the actual question, Himeko. The one that was easy to guess because you're predictable." 

Himeko sighed and rolled her eyes. She obviously hated that she was so easy to read for Kafka, but there wasn't really anything she could do about that. "Alright, Kafka, what could have possibly been so important to tell our Stelle that you broke onto the train, and further, why did it lead her to pinning you to the bed and kissing you ?"

Her voice was absolutely dripping with a venom that could have melted the densest material had it been possible to distill the tone of one's voice into a caustic material. Instead it simply pooled into the air of the express, coating everything in the car with its pure and unfiltered malice.

But Kafka was totally unphased by it. In fact, Himeko likely already knew that it was going to just completely bounce off of her, but she wouldn't have been able to help herself. Maybe she even told herself that it was for the benefit of everyone else on the train. So that they could know what she thought about Kafka doing what she had done. But it was obviously backfiring on her in a way, with March beginning to shift uncomfortably in her seat, a look of oh I really wish I hadn't said anything now on her face, and Welt clearing his throat in an attempt to break through the cloud of hate-poisoned air.

Kafka simply smiled as her gaze drifted towards March, projecting the most smug yeah you shouldn't have said anything aura she could. It was entirely her fault everyone was in this situation, and perhaps Kafka would try and get Stelle to mention that to March some other time.

But all of that was irrelevant to the actual question. The big question. It, of course, had an easy answer, yet… Well, it was another thing she could have fun with, always playing with her food before eating it. "It was nothing too serious, really, you know. Just something unimportant and meaningless." She paused, eyes shifting to Himeko's. "Though I suppose it isn't something I've ever told anyone else, I think."

"Just spit it out, you're insufferable." Himeko growled, seeing the look of a predator in Kafka's eyes. Again, another failed intimidation attempt. 

Kafka's eyes drilled deeper and deeper until Himeko shifted in her own seat, boring into her soul and pulling it away into a black hole, until she felt like she was the one being held over the fire. The one being interrogated by Kafka. All without saying a single word. A simple glance was far more effective than anything Himeko could do to try and intimidate her.

But, enough torturing the Navigator.

Well, maybe one thing, the actual answer to the question, built off of what she had said was more than enough for the coup de grâce.

"I love you too."

Welt's eyebrows tilted up slightly, and Himeko shifted back away again, her eyes starting to grow wide with realization. A million questions asked over the years now answered.

Of course, Kafka thought she was being more than obvious with how much she was just all over Stelle, but naturally the woman herself never seemed to notice, so why would any of the people watching over her. The ones that were literally supposed to catch onto this kind of thing.

Kafka cleared her throat. "That's what I told her." Kafka raised her hands up to punctuate the words with air quotes as she said them again, slower this time. "I. Love. You. Too."

Everyone else began to throw looks between Stelle and Kafka, though, again, it was a surprise that literally no one seemed to have caught on beforehand. Perhaps they had some inklings of an idea, but just weren't one hundred percent positive on all the implications.

Her eyes shifted between the group again, Himeko and Welt staring at each other, exchanging silent thoughts, Dan Heng likely trying to piece together how they didn't manage to catch onto it earlier, and March… 

Well, March looked like she was about to start crying again.

Kafka laughed softly to break the tension again as her eyes fell back on Stelle, almost desperate to see those soft yellow eyes again. "And, of course, the next question is just as predictable. All of you sitting on the edges of your seats waiting for one brave soul to ask it. Go on, go ahead."

March's eyes were watering, and she almost shot off the couch, leaning as far forward as she could, voice shaking with frustration and anger and… A hint of feeling betrayed. "What do you mean TOO?"

Kafka let out another laugh, much more nervous this time in the face of March's clear distress. It obviously wasn't mean or full of spite - more like one of those laughs made out of genuine discomfort at a sudden, but possibly expected - outburst. "Now, what do you think it means?" Her eyes narrowed a little as Stelle seemed to begin to collapse in on herself like a dying star between Welt and Himeko. "It means we used to be together."

She raised a hand and entwined two fingers together to punctuate her point as she continued. "Inseparable, even." Another small laugh as she shook her head. "Forgive me if I breeze through an abridged version - I'm starting to feel a bit of déjà vu." She paused to stretch her back a little - she had been sitting there practically stock still for some time, and she really needed to go for a walk. "We met around two and a half decades ago - give or take a few years - as children, and I lost her a bit under a decade before you all found her all alone on Herta Space Station." 

Her eyes grew soft as Stelle's head began to poke back up, trying to sneak a few more glances back in at Kafka before dipping again. "And when I say I lost her, I mean she died. Same way she tried to save little old March over there. But that time there was no Aeon to fix their gaze on her. By the time it was over, there was no heartbeat left."

Her eyes drifted off Stelle and up into the glass behind her, the thousands of glittering stars breezing past the window as the train moved through the infinite darkness of space. Despite the fact that she wanted to keep her eyes on Stelle, she simply had to look away. She'd get too soft. Fail to meet appearances and such.

"So, I broke onto the Express, and I told her everything that she seemed to want to know - the big 'who am I to you' - and I was just gonna slip on out of here, no trace left behind, if not for the rest of you getting involved." She let her smile shift into another wide grin. "Though, with the way Miss March keeps looking over at me like she wants to jump across the floor and strangle me, perhaps it would have been the best decision to leave the poor woman in the dark."

The grin fell back into the vacant smile she always sported as her eyes closed and she shrugged. Again, she wasn't entirely being honest, though naturally the rest of the Trailblazers didn't need to know that.

But she knew. She knew that even if March were to somehow succeed in strangling her to death right then and there on the train she'd have still died… content. Really, if anything, she'd be more worried about leaving Stelle behind after telling her everything. It would have been a cruel fate for her.

But who knew. Maybe Stelle would find a Stellaron to put in Kafka's chest.

Hopefully, in the off chance that she had to, Kafka was just as artificially created to house a Stellaron as Stelle was. 

She shook the possibility out of her head. It was definitely an irrelevant point. The chances of her dying here were fairly slim, so maybe she could always push a little more, because damn. If nothing else, she just liked being annoying.

"Honestly, Himeko." She started as her eyes opened again, an evil look flashing across her face. "It's all your own fault that any of this happened." She gave an exaggerated shrug as her face turned back to its normal vacant smile, hiding the intention of her words. "If not for you, I never would have been able to board the Express, and poor Stelle would still be without her memories." She shook her head and clicked her tongue. Tsk. Tsk. Tsk. "Really, it was a lose-lose for you, but what could anyone really expect? All you ever do is lose."

Himeko closed her eyes and took a deep breath, clearly trying to hold back the disdain for Kafka that had built up after so long. It was, after all, her turn in the back and forth, and she was obviously more than ready to take a few swings back at Kafka. "Frankly, I don't know what past Stelle saw in you, nor do I know what could have possibly lapsed in her judgment an hour ago." Her voice was even toned and slow, perfectly masking pure, unadulterated rage. 

And it was far more uncomfortable than the venomous tone from before.

Maybe she should keep up with this strategy.

"So," She continued, the same even voice as before, "for all I know, March is right, and you brainwashed her." 

Kafka leaned forward slightly, more than ready to really extend her claws and drop another unapologetically high school mean girl comeback, but before she could even start to open her mouth, someone else cleared their throat and spoke up.

Welt. 

Of course. Ever the voice of reason.

How boring.

"I think this personal dispute has poisoned this conversation long enough, you two." He sounded like a disappointed reacher breaking up a fight at recess. "We're not here to sling pointless insults and talk about how much the two of you hate each other." He was absolutely right, of course, but that didn't mean Kafka had to like that he was right. "The only thing that matters right now is why you're on the Express, so stop bickering like children for five minutes."

Kafka straightened herself up. It was painful how right he was, and she hated every bit of his rightness. She was acting like a schoolyard bully arguing with the popular mean girl. Which was kind of exactly what the two women were, but they really did not need to act like it right now in front of everyone else. 

She cleared her throat and started talking, putting forth an attempt to not cause problems again. "Well, I already finished the story, or as much as any of you need to know, so there's not much else to say. But if you want to hear little old me talk some more, then-" 

"Enough." This time it was Dan Heng, interrupting her from going on another long winded and unnecessary monologue about whatever. Frankly, a part of her thanked them for it, even if it was annoying to be interrupted. But since it was their first time speaking the entire time the group had been pulled out here, she was more than willing to let her annoyance slide and not say anything about it. "Is this really even necessary? I think we've heard enough." 

Himeko sighed and looked back at Kafka, her voice still even, though she was clearly just as exhausted as everyone else. "Dan Heng is right, but there's still one thing that stands out to me."

Kafka raised an eyebrow. Obviously she was going to bring the trust issue back up, but it was fine to play along if it meant she didn't get scolded by Welt again. "And what would that be, Missus Navigator?"

Himeko grimaced, but let it wash over her before starting up again. "How do you expect us to just believe what you say?" It was a reasonable question, of course. She already knew she was an untrustworthy person. "Both that you specifically have a past with Stelle, but that kind of specific past with her."

Also a reasonable thing to doubt. Annoying. 

"And on top of that, how can we believe you aren't just here to try and manipulate her after being told explicitly to not do exactly that?" And yet still more reasonable concerns. "You were never a trustworthy person, Kafka, after all. And as if that wasn't enough, she looks and acts like she's a maladjusted person in her early twenties rather than pushing her thirties. Everything just makes it hard for me to believe any of your story."

Kafka thought for a moment. Almost everything she had pointed out was more than reasonable to be concerned over - though while calling Stelle 'maladjusted' was correct, it was also definitely rude - and trying to answer that line of questions would have taken no less than a miracle. Or well, obviously she had thought of the possibility of Stelle not believing her, and brought insurance just in case, but that insurance was… Personal. She absolutely didn't want to just up and show that to everyone.

But she wouldn't have to, hopefully, because Himeko trapped herself a bit with the last comment. That one was especially easy to answer. "Well, you see when a normal human being dies, they would begin to decompose. Naturally there have been thousands of ways to prevent or delay such a process. From old school embalmings for funerals to a more modern personalized stasis field."

She rummaged through all her thoughts, trying to find the proper route through the maze of possible wrong answers to find the right one. "Naturally, if one couldn't decompose in a stasis field, they similarly wouldn't be able to age." She paused for a moment. "But more importantly than that, she's artificial. She isn't even a normal human being. She wouldn't decompose, and while Elio held her for when she was to be brought back out again…" 

"She possibly wouldn't have aged, either." Welt finished the thought for her. It was more than possible he had some amount of experience with this sort of topic.

"Exactly. I don't know what Elio did with the body when I returned it to him, but when I put the Stellaron in her, she was the same as when I lost her." She paused again. Even she couldn't fully believe the story, even though she lived through it. But it was more than enough explanation to begin to peel away the rest of the Expresser's concerns. "My assumption would be some form of stasis, personally, but it's just as likely the while nonfunctional she simply couldn't age, or perhaps the real Stelle actually did die, and this is merely a simulacrum of her."

That was certainly an unpleasant thought, though not one that she would put past one such as Elio. It seemed a bit up his alley to do that and then lie about doing that. "I'm not privy to all the work behind the scenes for his future. I only get told what I'm told I need to know for everything to progress smoothly."

Himeko still looked unconvinced, naturally, but there was nothing Kafka could even say to convince her. "And how do we know you're not lying? Let's say we believe you that you two actually did somehow grow up together, you still haven't given us a single reason as to how we can trust you to be telling the truth at all." Being incredulous was a good trait, especially when confronted with someone like Kafka.

Of course, just because it was a good trait, didn't make it any less frustrating. Someone could be right about everything until they were blue in the face, but that doesn't necessarily equate to not being really really annoying.

"In fact," Himeko continued, cutting straight through Kafka's personal grievances, "everything you've done since worming your way into our business before we changed course to the Luofu has been lie to us."

Not really true, but there just simply was not a way for her to beat that allegation. Kafka rubbed her temples, trying to come up with any angle she could go in with regards to whether she was trustworthy or not, but the problem was that no matter what she said, she simply wasn't. Even with Himeko being personally difficult for Kafka to deal with, there really wasn't any way for her to get around the fact that she simply wasn't a trustworthy person - no matter how much she could say to the contrary.

Her entire career had been built totally on being manipulative and dangerous. The spider, always spinning a web, and so on. But even with all that, there was just the added difficulty of there simply being an impassable block between the two. Even should her reputation not be what it was, Himeko would simply never believe a word she said.

Such was life, Kafka supposed.

But, thankfully, she wouldn't be stuck against an impassable brick wall forever. Because someone spoke up. Someone new, who hadn't said anything the entire time everyone had moved into the parlor to interrogate Kafka.

Someone everyone had to listen to.

Stelle.

"I remember." She finally spoke up. It was barely even a whisper, but everyone could hear it all the same. "I don't remember everything, so I couldn't verify everything she's said, but I remember more than enough to know that she isn't lying." Stelle tilted her head up fully, finally, eyes transfixed into Kafka's. "I died for her. Just like I was willing to die for March against the Doomsday beast. Just like how I died trying to stop Cocolia."

Kafka winced internally. It was nice that Stelle was finally sticking up for her, and it was also nice to know that she was continuously willing to protect the people she cared about, but she had died a third time? Was it just her new hobby? Was she some kind of professional at getting killed? Could she stop putting herself in mortal danger for five minutes?

"Ugh." March interjected, forming kafka's thoughts into reality with her own words, as though she could somehow read Kafka's mind. "Do you just, like, really enjoy dying? You seem to do it everywhere you go." 

"I didn't die on the Luofu…" Stelle grumbled, and Kafka suppressed a laugh, the look on Welt and Himeko's faces suggesting they were doing the same. Obviously Kafka agreed with March, but the way she just outright said it was certainly entertaining, as was Stelle's, frankly, very weak response.

"Yeah, you haven't died there yet. " March whined, somehow more convinced that Stelle was just going to keep biting it than she was minutes before, when she had only known about what happened since Stelle woke up.

Stelle's eyes wavered slightly at the poking, and Kafka desperately wanted to reach out to her. To grab ahold of her hand and squeeze it, to tell her that everything was going to be alright. But all she could manage to do was to try and warm her smile, keeping her eyes fixed onto Stelle even though someone else began to speak.

Himeko sighed, her voice taking a much softer, more elder sisterly tone than she had before. "For all I think of Kafka…" She paused for a moment to carefully consider Stelle's interruption of the conversation. "I think that if nothing else, she isn't capable, at least, of implanting memories. Nor do I think she could actually fully brainwash someone permanently." She paused again, tilting her head to the side, another sigh escaping her lips. "Though, I'm certainly already more than aware of her… manipulative talents, and her ability to bend others to her whims in other ways."

She shifted her legs uncomfortably in her seat, and it took Kafka all of her willpower to not burst out laughing at the fact that Himeko directly referenced their long-gone sex life.

The five sat - or stood, in Dan Heng's case - in silence for a while after that, simply letting everything linger in the air as no one really had anything to say. Or, maybe, they simply didn't want to say anything else… But regardless, Kafka enjoyed the silence, able to simply just have a moment to breathe, eyes glued to the yellow ones opposite of her. There was the length of the train car between them, of course, but it felt as though they were directly next to one another. Not an inch of distance between them. 

Of course, Kafka had her own question that she wanted to ask Stelle. Whether it was in front of everyone should they continue to push for more information from her, or while they were alone again didn't really matter to her. It was just one that she had been wanting to ask since getting roped into all this. 

Before all this poking and prodding she was more than content to just ride out the wave and leave, but now… Well, now that she'd gone and sat through this farce of an interrogation - more of a mud slinging match than anything actually serious -  she wasn't leaving without everything she wanted. 

"So," Himeko finally broke the silence that she had originally started, "what are you going to do now? You might be stuck here until we arrive back on Jarillo VI, and I won't just let you have free rein to roam around the train."

It was a simple enough question - however annoyingly asked - and it played right into what Kafka was wanting to ask. And thus, she was more than willing to answer, though it was quite obvious to her that some certain people in the room wouldn't particularly enjoy the question… There was nothing that could really be done about it.

Stelle's eyes shifted to somewhere past Kafka, out of the window and into that sea of stars she had grown so attached to since her journey on the Express started. A small miniscule part of her wished that she hadn't gone in for the kiss - let alone everything that happened after - despite how much she enjoyed it. It would have been so, so much easier, and far less embarrassing had she just let Kafka run away and then gaslit March when she returned with the rest of the Express crew.

Because this sucked

Sitting through this just flat out sucked.

It was a whole ass mess, and she normally liked it when things were messy.

But this was a mess she could go the rest of her life without seeing ever again.

A train wreck that she desperately wanted to look away from.

Ha. A train wreck.

But regardless of her funny word play, gaslighting March and manipulating the rest of the Express would have been… Well it would have been awful? Like, really awful, there was no way that was ever an option if for no other reason than it just being a gross and bad thing to do, and she kind of hated herself for even considering it.

But, it would have been much safer. No getting dragged out into the parlor, no watching the people important to her fight. No getting called maladjusted by someone she trusted. And no gnawing pit in her stomach about whatever was going to happen next.

Stelle's eyes fixed back onto Kafka's and she realized almost immediately that whether or not those actions would have been right or wrong, whether her safety and comfortability mattered more to her than her own morality… She had done what she wanted. She was presented with a choice, and she made the one that she wouldn't regret. For as long as she lived, this would be one of the prime choices among many that she would simply never regret.

And any other choice would have filled her with nothing but.

Well, maybe except the reality where everything went exactly the same, but she actually locked her door before pacing around her room.

But she wasn't in that reality, she was in this one, and she had made the right choice.

Kafka could read the feelings playing across Stelle's mind just as plainly as if it was writing on paper. Maybe it was because Stelle's lower lip was trembling, or perhaps it was her fingers dancing across her legs in anxious worry. "Well," Kafka started as she leaned forward and lowered her voice, "as I said, I was just going to leave after letting Stelle in on a few… Memories of a time long past…" She let the words hang in the air for a few precious moments as she thought about how she wanted to continue.

"Obviously, one thing led to another, and now I'm stuck here, and unfortunately it seems like I can't go anywhere for the time being…" She still had the graffiti in the vent that would get her out should she require a quick exit, though actually leaving was far past her mind now. Not when there was something else just within her grasp. "We've moved too far from the Luofu for me to make my daring escape, so I just suppose I'm stuck here."

She was working her way towards her gambit, snaking through her words and going slowly, making sure she avoided any and all possible landmines. 

She was sure Stelle knew what was going on, though - she was practically at the edge of her seat, hanging onto every word. She clearly knew that a big question was coming. A very important question.

"But after… Clearing the air, I doubt I really need to make such a daring escape any more." Kafka's eyes shifted through the other members of the Astral Express. She knew full well that the rift between her and Himeko was unmendable, but it wasn't really necessary for her to ever try and repair that connection. She was probably the only person in the entire room that would make such a sweeping disagreement to what Kafka was planning to ask, which meant that she was simply no longer relevant.

Welt had long seemed to be the one least likely to raise any issues, he had seen enough in his life that the only thing he probably even cared about was whether or not Stelle was happy or not with the situation. As for Den Heng, he obviously had no love for the Stellaron Hunters because of Blade, but she wasn't trying to actively bring Blade onto the Express, so that issue would be moot.

As for March. 

Huh. Maybe that's why Kafka was specifically supposed to mess everything up on the Matrix. If she hadn't then Silver Wolf wouldn't have gotten the chance to rope March in with her. They obviously weren't actively dating but they had definitely fucked, and it meant March didn't really have any legs to stand on to act in opposition to what came next.

And all that was left was Stelle. And that one was obvious. All that mattered now was that no one would get between the two of them ever again. And aside from Himeko, the rest of the crew couldn't or wouldn't get between them.

"I would understand if Stelle was content with just getting the closure she wanted - the answers to everything she has asked me about from all our time together on the Luofu…" She paused again, continuing to work her way through the conversation in her head before opening her mouth, making sure she didn't say anything wrong. "And, I'd have been satisfied enough with it. Picking up where things left off after so long might be difficult for me regardless. People change in much less time." 

Her eyes drifted from Stelle's and followed the line from her shoulders down to her hands, digging so hard into the couch she was on that her knuckles had long turned paper white. It seemed she was digging so hard that she'd rip the cushion right out from under herself. Or at least pull out a chunk of it.

Kafka sighed. In some sense, she was just stalling again. Everyone knew exactly what she was going to say - it was obvious - it was just that she, herself, didn't know how she was going to say it. Not yet, at least. She was still working towards it.

"But for her, it's only been a few months and a thousand memories away." She paused again, mind drifting back to her instructions on the space station. "She's got a new life now, with a family that cares deeply for her, far away from the cares of the past." She had tried to make sure of that herself with the spirit whisper, though including that little tidbit was definitely not a good idea. "The fact that she held onto those memories for so long was a surprise, really." 

She braced herself. She needed to just ask the question. Stop stalling. 

Stop stalling and just.

Ask it.

JUST ASK IT.

Or at least make it sound like you asked the question

Oh yeah, definitely that one.

"So," Kafka took a breath, "if she really has regained some of what was lost, and she wanted to…?" She trailed off. There wasn't really anything else she needed to say. That was a good enough version of the question. The gambit was played, and everyone knew exactly what she was getting at.

Stelle felt like she was about to dissipate into a pile of dust particles as every single neuron began firing off in her body at once. All of them working overtime and in tandem to come up with an answer. The answer. 

She wanted to say something. To say anything. It was a yes or no answer, but even so, every single part of her was working together, working until it felt like every part of her was burning, crunching together and smashing themselves apart to come up with a response. To just give an answer to the class. To end the petty and pointless squabbling that had been on endless display for well over an hour at this point.

If she could just say something it would answer two questions at once. Possibly, probably, definitely more, and all she even had to do was say one word. Just one, singular word. 

Either one with two letters. 

Or one with three.

'But when have you ever been good at answering "simple" questions, Stelle?'

She closed her eyes and shook the stupid fucking asshole worm out of her brain. Now was NOT the time to argue with herself. It was time to come to a decision. Any decision. As long as it was a decision.

'No arguing with me this time, buddy, just fucking give me an answer.'

And her subconscious mind chewed up and spat an answer out for her. No, not just her subconscious, actually… But every single part of her being answered. Because there was only one answer that she could give. One which took the whole of her being to produce. Any other option was long taken out of consideration.

There was only one thing her mind and body and soul agreed on. 

She stood up from her spot trapped between Welt and Himeko and opened her eyes, letting them stare directly into the infinite depths of Kafka's own. They were warm and inviting, and they bled a smug intelligence just as well as they bled pink into purple. She definitely knew what Stelle's answer was the moment she had stood up.

No, she was smarter than that. She knew the answer far longer than that.

Stelle doubted she'd have even asked the question if she didn't already know the only answer Stelle could possibly give.

She put one foot in front of the other, each and every step an answer in its own right, deafening in its totality as she brought herself closer and closer to the couch. Closer and closer to her destiny.

She was sure that her choices were hers and hers alone to make, that Kafka's nonsense about fate and the true paths through life was just that. Nonsense. But she'd be lying if she said that it wasn't an attractive prospect. That this was exactly as fate ordained. That there was no choice. That she and Kafka were fit completely together, ordained by the aeons, or by her creation, or simply by the luck of the draw, or whatever the fuck else. It didn't matter. None of it mattered.

Whether this was destiny, or her choice, Kafka wouldn't be alone any longer. Not on that couch. And neither of them would be alone again. Not in the rest of their lives. Stelle would always be there with her. Be there for her.

As long as the both of them still held life, and far beyond both were gone, Kafka was hers. And hers alone.

She sat down on the couch, swinging her legs up over the side, lowering the rest of her body down so that her head could rest firmly against the soft pillows of Kafka's lap.

It felt nostalgic.

And this time she knew exactly why.

She finally knew why.

It was a pleasant feeling to finally know why something was nostalgic.

Kafka's fingers began to run through Stelle's gray hair almost immediately. It was instinctive, really. As soon as she had placed her head on the woman's lap she just couldn't help herself. She used to do this all the time when they were still growing up, and it was how nearly every night ended after a long day of working towards whatever goals Elio had placed them on.

And she was more than willing to do this for the rest of her days if Stelle would let her.

And it seemed incredibly likely that Stelle would let her.

Kafka brushed her hand across Stelle's forehead. Her hair was soft and silky, exactly the way she remembered it, and as one of Kafka's fingers brushed up against her temple, she let out a soft whimper among a series of other small sounds. Despite the fact that she had been asked a fairly important question, they were the only sounds Stelle was making.

Kafka sighed. She knew Stelle was a bit of an uncommunicative disaster, but she was her uncommunicative disaster.

She began to hum softly as Stelle adjusted herself to be more comfortable, the world beyond the two fading out into the distance as the rest of the Astral Express crew talked about… Something. It wasn't anything either of the two cared about, so it was beyond the boundaries of their new world. 

For Stelle, it had been a long week, longer than most, despite everything that had happened since she was woken up, and right now she just wanted to get some sleep in. Whether it was hours ago before Kafka broke in, or right here, right now, she really just needed her rest.

But she was more than happy to get it in now, rather than earlier if it meant she got to lay on Kafka's lap.

Kafka kept her gaze focused downwards as a soft purring began to erupt from Stelle, slowly giving way to a soft snore as she dreamed happy dreams, her head being given lavish and loving attention by the person she loved the most.

There was no place she'd rather be right now than in her girlfriend's lap.