Chapter Text
Before I get into the update, I just want to thank everyone who's taken the time to read this vent fic. I especially appreciate those of you who have given kudos or commented, it means a lot. I actually go back to look at your comments on occasion to remind myself that this is a serious topic, and people do care. Too often I get carried away with dismissing my symptoms as "just another thing I deal with," rather than what it is- something horrible that shouldn't happen to anyone. While it is something I have to endure, I frequently demean my own struggles as something not even worth noting. All of this is a long-winded way of saying that I do see your support for a random stranger on the internet, and it means a whole fucking lot to this particular stranger :)
Anyway, on to the update!
It's almost been a year, and while I haven't (completely) died yet, I still have all of the symptoms I did last year to slightly varied yet mostly similar degree. I still faint, I've had two more heart attacks (totaling to five now), and I still feel weak on a daily basis. My other chronic illnesses are still just as prevalent, and I'm currently trying to get treatment for two injuries I've recently sustained to my knees. There's not much of a story there, just overusing already unstable joints. I used my walking aids as much as I possibly could, yet with all of the walking I did while on a short vacation out of state I couldn't avoid getting two meniscus tears, one in each knee. I'm trying to get surgery, but first I need to get a few more scans. Anyway, not the main point of this update- I am alive and making it through, one day at a time. So, so much has happened in the last year in terms of non-medical life stuff, but what matters is I still have a stable support system in my mom, my friends, and my two cats. They're lovable rascals, either being as cute as fucking possible, or being stubborn little troublemakers in the ways cats do best. I wouldn't have it any other way, though.
I've set down any hopes of medically improving, and while it's a morose thought it honestly helps me mentally. Instead of building up hope again and again with more doctors and more idealistic treatments and being beaten down each time, I'm at peace with knowing I won't get better. I'm at peace with preserving my mental health, even if at the possible expense of my physical health. I'd rather provide joy and enriching company to my friends, as it helps me feel better to know I can at least help them. So, I won't be seeking out more doctors and theoretical treatments, and I won't be anxiously sitting by my phone in the event I get that magical call, saying what disease or disorder I have. I've joked with my friends that at this point, it's likely something that will be named after me! Wouldn't that be something? Anyway, I figured that anyone who's interested might like an update from a year later, since I'd expressed in the original post my belief that I wouldn't make it through the year.
I'm still here, and I'm still making it through life as best I can.
Thank you guys for your support.
- imp