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The Whirling of A Vortex, A Violent Carousel

Chapter 2: Four Days Has Never Felt So Long

Summary:

Kian's growing impatient. The whole world is taunting him. Luckily, it all will change tomorrow.

Unless...?

Chapter Text

The pendulum swings, almost as impatient as Kian felt. That stupid clock on his family's kitchen wall is taunting him, he knew it. Tomorrow's Monday. Tomorrow he would either be completely rejected and ruin his friendship with Rolan, or he'd literally begin living his dream life.

His mom is in the kitchen, not cooking, she'd never. But instead, on the phone with Rolan's mom...if only she knew.

Actually speaking, if she knew, Rolan would probably be banned from talking to Kian. That's just how his parents are. But sometimes, it's nice to live in a world where your town is okay with things like that.

The clock ticks again. The pendulum swings again. Kian groans and stands up.

"I'm going out," Kian calls out, not waiting for a response as he slings his bag over his shoulder and slams the door behind him. Where's he going? No idea. As long as it's not here. So he just started walking.

The streets are speckled with people, but it's late, so most are on their way home. The sunset is invisible behind the tall trees of the bayou, but Kian imagines it to be beautiful. His legs move on their own, leaving him time to think. Think about everything about Rolan there is to love. And he's instantly annoyed because the whole reason he left home was to avoid thinking about Rolan, and there he is again. It's like the whole world was taunting him. The clock. His mom. His own mind. He feels a little pathetic, obsessing this hard over a boy who might not even like him? Jesus, dude. Get your shit together. 

He finds himself at a familiar tree, next to a familiar river. Iconically, Rolan's safe space. He groans, falling against the tree and putting his face in his hands, wild blond hair being pushed up around his face.

He's an idiot. Why would Rolan like him? Why would anyone like him? Goddammit. Why is he even trying. What's wrong with him? 

"Kian-?" 

Oh god...

"Yes...Rolan?" He mumbles.

"What are you...what are you doing here?" Rolan asks, Kian hears him sitting against the tree to his left.

"I didn't want to be home, so I went on a walk but-" Kian sighs, "Listen, I'm sorry for what happened Friday,"

"You and Rand kidnapping me? Yeah, kinda weird move, man," Rolan shrugs.

"No! I-I mean what I said," Kian cries softly, "It was stupid to ask you,"

"Do you think I'm upset that you're gay?" Rolan chuckles awkwardly.

"Yes! N-No? Maybe? I don't know!" Kian sighs, "I just...you don't seem happy that I'm gay,"

"I don't um...I don't know how I feel about it," Rolan chuckles nervously, "I mean, I don't think I'm gay,"

"Oh-" Kian feels a thousand words get stuck in his throat.

"Let me finish!" Rolan laughs lightly, rushing to hold Kian's cheeks.

"I don't think I'm gay, b-but I also think you're an exception? Does that make sense?"

Kian stares at Rolan's eyes, honey-tinted by the sun that bounced off the river only a few feet away. His face was red, all the way up his ears, but if Kian wasn't so closely acquainted with Rolan's face, it would've been too dark to notice he was blushing at all. Rolan has soft eye bags, but they're nothing new. Rolan often stays up too late studying, so of course he developed bags. No matter how many times Kian reminded him of 'beauty sleep', though, apparently, Rolan didn't need sleep to be beautiful. His tongue darts around to re-wet his lips. 

"Are you...Is this...A yes?" Kian mutters as he admires the boy before him.

"It's a yes. With some caveats," Rolan says.

"Stop using fancy words," Kian chuckles.

"Never," Rolan challenges.

Kian stares at him, he re-admires the honey eyes, the rose-colored cheeks, the folded skin, the soft wet lips. Every little thing that made Kian's skin burn and heart race in the middle of class. He feels a familiar urge. From when he had arms over both his friends shoulders watching movies and thought of trying to pull that nerd a tiny bit closer. From when they laughed and taunted each other during lunch and Kian's felt the word "Babe" go from platonic and cool to genuine and real and weighty. 

And he feels it all boil up and explode out at once as he sets an arm around the back of Rolan's shoulder and pulls him in. As he expects that pressure against his lips that he's wanted for so long. Instead, he finds Rolan's head pressed into his shoulder. And his heart can't decide if it's breaking or if he's never been happier. He can't decide if this weight is exactly what he needs or if this feels like rejection.

But he knows to accept it for now.

They can talk about this later.

And those caveats.

For now, he just needs to hold Rolan and accept whatever he gives for now.