Chapter Text
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Brittany and Santana’s private text messages
01/31/2012
4:54PM
Brittany: babe wyd
Santana: cleanin the bathtub
Santana: u?
Brittany: finishing my crocheted lord tubbington
Brittany: mom said if i dont finsh my math hw she will take awy my phone
Brittany: and i cant go out 4 a week xcept 4 school
Santana: oh shit
Santana: my mom didnt rly do anything but only bc i told her why we were in the bathroom
Santana: sort of
Santana: i didnt say t was quinn
Santana: so nw she thinks it was me which sucks
Brittany: my fingrs hurt from crochetting
Santana: aw
Santana: take a break lol
Brittany: im so bored
Brittany: if i stop i eat yarn
Santana: ew dont eat yarn
Brittany: it dosnt taste nice
Santana: so dont eat it
Santana: its not food
Brittany: did u find out about the market
Santana: yea it costs $50 for us to have a stall
Santana: and they wont give us one bc were both under 18
Brittany: oh
Santana: yea
Santana: well that and i may or may not have argued with one o the ladies who runs it one time
Brittany: which one
Santana: the one with the poodle hair
Brittany: hahahaha
Brittany: is that y u argued with her
Santana: actually she argued with y mom first
Santana: bc mom wouldnt dye her hair the day after she got a perm
Brittany: oh
Santana: yea ur not suposed 2 dye ur hair right after u hada perm ur supposed 2 wait
Brittany: oh i think my mom did that
Santana: oh
Santana: anyway i maybe told the lady her hair looked like a rejected poodle
Brittany: hahahhahahahaha
***
7:19PM
Santana: i may need to hide at ur house
Brittany: omg bb ofc
Brittany: y tho?
Santana: i may or may not have made jewelery out of my dads ipod
Santana: so i tried to unmake the jewelery like put it back together
Santana: except i broke a tiny piece and idk how to fix it
Brittany: y is ur dads ipod at ur moms huse
Santana: she borrowed it shes 2 cheap 2 buy her own
Santana: r u any good at microsurgery
Brittany: wats that
Santana: idk just googled it
Brittany: do u eant to come to my house watch titanic
Santana: last time we watched titanic tiffany counted all the deaths
Brittany: yea shes an emo now
Santana: good for her
***
mr shoe got arrested
01/31/2012
9:30PM
swagtana
> friends and berry
> for science
> was there room on the door thing for jack
brittanyspierce
> no
swagtana
> i know u kno im asking everyone else
brittanyspierce
> oh
> ok
roryflan
> she could have fit him on there
> she said she wouldnt let go and then she let him go
swagtana
> bruh
> jack was ded as fuck
> u want her to lug his frozen corpse around for all eternity??????
roryflan
> she said she wouldnt let go
blainedevon
> i also think there was room for both of them
swagtana
> did u fail physics?
blainedevon
> no
swagtana
> ur not beating the failed physics allegations
princesssugarmotta
> she shouldnhave taken the lifeeboat
> hes broke
brittanyspierce
> he couldve just eaten cal
swagtana
> when did titanic turn into a cannibal movie
kurt_hummel
> jack wouldn’t fit BUT if rose had just gone on the lifeboat he could have had the door thing to himself
swagtana
> interesting
_mercedesjones
> wtf are yall talking about
swagtana
> titanic
brittanyspierce
> what if titanic andhunger games were combined???????
swagtana
> i would watch that
> even tho i never read the books
quinnfabray__
> didn’t your mom give them to you?
swagtana
> started reading 1 then lost interest
quinnfabray__
> fair
brittanyspierce
> i was hoping the titanic wouldnt hit the ceburg this time
RachelBerry⭐
> the Titanic always hits the iceberg
> it’s based on a true story
brittanyspierce
> no i kno i was just hoping this time it wouldn’t crash
michaelrobertchang
> propellerguy.mp4
swagtana
> fuck
brittanyspierce
> can we put donald trump in the titanic
swagtana
> yes
> fuck tht ugly bich
> he can be one of the ppl who gets stuck in the boiler room or idk
RachelBerry⭐
> i never got to sing my heart will go on in glee club
brittanyspierce
> yay
RachelBerry⭐
> no that’s bad
brittanyspierce
> i said
> yay
swagtana
> can we watch titanic again that was fun
ArtieThaWhiteKanye
> dont like
> heaps of ppl die
swagtana
> i mean yes but also kate winslet <3
brittanyspierce
> real
> draw me like one of ur grench girls
swagtana
> yea
> i put the diamond
> in the coat
> IPUTHECOATONHER
_mercedesjones
> k
> good talk
swagtana
> when u suck as a human so u steal a random child to get on a lifeboat
> fuck cal replace propeller guy with him
brittanyspierce
> writing roses mom/cal fanfic rn
> they did something
swagtana
> nah cals gay
kurt_hummel
> real
> that man is a Homosexual
swagtana
> jack is a lesbian
> and so is rose
brittanyspierce
> but cal thinks jack isa man and is secrelty in love with him
ArtieThaWhiteKanye
> the sjws ruined everything
swagtana
> no offence but ppl who complain about the sjws should get the bubonic plague
ArtieThaWhiteKanye
> why cant people just be straight like its not that deep
swagtana
> if rose straight why she into jacks art of naked french ladies ;)
brittanyspierce
> omg was there bubonic plague on the titanic
swagtana
> no they got rid of the bubonic plague before the titanic
> and they had a disease inspector
> just for the poor ppl idk why
> do the first class ppl not get diseases
quinnfabray__
> didn’t king henry viii die of syphillis?
_mercedesjones
> yall need jesus
RachelBerry⭐
> this chat has taken an oddly morbid turn
brittanyspierce
> its almost as if were under the control of some weird person who lost control of the narrative
greeneggznham
> i had a dream about that once
> blaine cheated on kurt and then dated karofsky
swagtana
> ew
greeneggznham
> it was so scary
swagtana
> i had a dream where coach sue dressed up as nicki manaj
brittanyspierce
> omg
> i also had a dream where coach sue dressed up as micki nanaj
quinnfabray__
> if i had a quarter for every time santana and brittany had the same dream i’d have two quarters
> which isn’t a lot but it’s weird that it happened twice
swagtana
> no its happened more than twice
> we have a bible
quinnfabray__
> you can’t call it a bible that’s kind of blasphemous
swagtana
> we called it a bible bc god said we can
> what r u gonna do about it?
quinnfabray__
> pray for you
swagtana
> if u must
***