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It wasn’t alway like this. This cold. This colorless existence of just being. No, but now it was. Now this is all it was outside of those three screens that pay his bills and are his only source of social interaction. Kenma was never one easily understood by others, never one that came across as sweet or friendly. Try as he might, he was always the one that never seemed to click, the puzzle piece that didn't fit, and it was made painfully aware the older he got.
Every year there was a new face, someone who thought they could befriend the ‘weird kid’ in class, and every year they grew tired of his antics. Socializing wasn’t a skill he kept on his nonexistent tool belt, it wasn’t on the list of qualities he learned from school, and it sure as hell never did him any favors. Over the years it became more obvious that the only means of socializing he could do was through his computer screen.
Video games had become a safe haven, a screen of pixels and tastes that made sense and made him need something. Funnily enough he was good at it. It wasn’t long until he was gaining a following on streaming services, people asking to join chat servers and subscription services to support him. At first that wasn’t the goal, it wasn’t something he’d planned to do long term and it definitely wasn't something he’d planned on making a career out of. Still, that’s exactly how it happened.
Kenma had tripped and awkwardly walked into the world of online content creation, he’d made online friends and won awards. Brand deals came out of the woodwork, his fans started asking for merch and now this is his life. He’s here in this empty apartment wondering what he should do before his has to stream later that night. Around the house he sees cartons of old takeout and empty energy drink cans, a real bachelor pad .
“I’m a real catch like that.” The words seemed loud in the empty silence, the sound clinging to the lonely echo of his own breathing until it too evaporated. Even after all of that, all of the fans that followed his every move on social media, all of the brand deals, all of the meetings…he was still just here.
When he first started hearing how social media influencers and celebrities were some of the loneliest people Kenma thought that was foolish. How on earth could someone be lonely when they are that famous, that sought after? How could they still be lonely?
Well. Jokes on him. Because Kenma didn’t know if he’d ever felt lonelier.
Looking around the room only made it all feel more suffocating. As if the boxes and cans physically took up too much air in the room that he desperately needed. With a heavy sigh he slowly began cleaning up the mess, one by one, piece by piece ridding the apartment of the garbage. The sun was still up, that much he could tell even with the room bathed in darkness and the curtains drawn, sunlight wasn’t his closest friend.
A little more and he was sure he would have more in common with the creatures on bad American television instead of a young twenty-four year old professional streamer. The day was nice overall, a nice breeze carrying the scent of the bakery from own the road and the sound of children playing in the street beside his complex. Outside of that it was quiet—peaceful. Something that seemed different from the drowning silence of his home, something that seemed more alive and… happy. Maybe he needed some fresh air, some of that vitamin D filled sunlight all of those mousey beauty influencers talked about.
After he walked down the steps from his upper floor apartment and to the bin behind his building, Kenma found himself standing. He just stood there, his face turned up to the sky and the breeze tickling his skin as he let his mind clear. He didn’t hear the patter of small footsteps as they snuck up on him, and he didn’t feel the big brown eyes that came with them as they stared him down.
“What are you doing there Mister?” The sound was jarring, making Kenma jump an inch back with his eyes wide like one of the stray dumpster cats that wandered about. “Oh jeez. I’m sorry I didn’t mean to scare you!” The apology was sewn into a fit of giggles as the young boy let dribbles of melted ice cream fall to the ground as he laughed.
Kenma still didn't say anything, the words not leaving his mouth as he stared at this kid that was openly laughing at him. He felt his cheeks redden with embarrassment, the laughter now echoing into that nature filled silence only adding to the liveliness of the day. Kenma didn’t know what to say to him, or how to answer his question. Instead he huffed, pouting only slightly as he hugged his cardigan to his body and walked away. Surely the kid would move along and go play with his friends. Surely the kid wouldn’t want to talk with him any more after that. Surely Kenma could continue about his day like he’d done that last..
Surely not.
Instead he heard footsteps clunking behind him up the stairs, the soft suckling sound of the kid continuing to try to eat the quickly melting popsicle. When he turned to see the kid behind him, big brown eyes watching him expectantly, he didn’t know what to do. “Why are you following me?” The words were calmer than he felt, still more terse than one would normally use to speak to a child, but calmer nonetheless. The child didn’t answer for a moment, his eyes unblinking as he tried his best to eat the cold treat before it completely melted in his hands. But he was definitely not fast enough. “Fucking hell. Hold on.”
Quickly, Kenma ran inside to retrieve a clean bowl from his kitchen, not wanting his balcony to be covered in sticky goo for the rest of the day. When he returned the kid was struggling. His hands covered in melted popsicle and the smaller pieces already dangling, threatening to fall to the ground at the kids feet. When Kenma held the bowl beneath his hands the kid finally smiled, his missing front tooth only adding to the innocence that spilled from him in droves.
“Thank you so much Mister!—“
“Kozume.”
When the child looked at him again, questions swimming in those big brown eyes as if he heard the man speaking a different language, he sighed. “Just… Kozume.” The honorific, although true for being the elder, felt too heavy for someone who plays video games for a living. He’d never been taken seriously before, so why should he allow this child to extend a respect he had yet to earn.
“I’m sorry but that's improper. Papa says that I need to respect all of my elders and use the proper honorifics to become a fine gentleman.” These weren’t his words, that much was obvious. Such words like ‘elder’ and ‘fine gentleman’ weren’t something a child covered in sticky cold treats would say on his own. Still, seeing a polite kid was like catching a rare power up in a new game— impressive.
The smile that tugged at the corner of his lips couldn’t be helped. The kid was just an absolute mess as he stood there wanting to keep talking to him for some reason. “Why don’t you run on home to your papa so you can get cleaned up.”
That should have been the end of that, Kenma should have heard the pattering of small feet going down the stairs instead of following him into his apartment. When he turned to the kid again, his eyes big and brown as before but now only holding a hint of sadness as he looked up at his elder. “Papa isn’t home right now. He works so hard and so I stay home after school and out of trouble.”
Out of trouble by wandering into strangers' houses? The irony wasn’t lost on him, and although he shouldn’t have cared what the child did, he couldn’t help the concern that clenched at his heart after hearing him. “So, who’s home with you right now then? Grandma?” Surely someone has to be home with the kid.
As if the universe loved toying with the streamer, the child shook his head, the smail that graced his innocent face never leaving as he spoke again. “Neko is old enough to take care of himself!” He seemed excited at the prospect, something his dad must have said to him as to not admit that there were no other options. Times were hard, and it seemed times were even harder on little Neko.
Kenma was kneeling in front of Neko before he knew what was happening. looking the small child in his eyes as he tried to think of what to do. He couldn't leave him out in the complex to wander off with the next stranger that may not be a kind soul, but he didn’t exactly have permission to keep him inside. At a loss, those golden eyes looked around the apartment and saw there was a lot more cleaning needing to be done before he needed to stream.
“Have you finished all of your school work, Neko?” He asked the question knowing the answer, the silence only proving the correctness of his assumptions. “Right then. Let’s clean you up and you will go grab your homework to do here while I clean. How does that sound?” It wasn’t the best plan, but he could clean with the door open and wait for his dad to get home.
Neko wasn’t mischievous, he was just a lonely kid and Kenma knew what that was like.
With an excited nod, Neko bounced on the heels of his feet while still holding the bowl of thoroughly melted popsicle. It pulled at the strings on Kenma’s heart, knowing that this was all the kid wanted, a little bit of attention. They both walked carefully over to the sink to wash the sticky treat from Neko’s hands before he scampered off like an excited puppy to retrieve his school work.
It was easy then, both Kenma and Neko silently existing within the same space but also encouraging the other to keep working. Neko didn’t lack focus as long as Kenma was moving around in the room, and the presence of Neko made Kenma want to clean the house. The process was interesting, but it worked all the way until Kenma had to start setting up.
“Neko, I’m gonna have to play some games online soon and Ill be talking to people so you have to stay quiet.” Staying quiet didn’t seem to be a problem for Neko, but still it needed to be addressed just in case.
With a small nod from the boy, Kenma let his shoulders relax as he went about setting up his station, he ran through his check quickly, mic was working, connection was strong, and almost all his other online friends were there, and then the game began. At first everything was as normal, his team obliterating their opponents and moving onto their next mission. He could hear Hinata getting more and more excited, his voice getting increasingly louder as he shouted with joy.
From the corner of his eye, Kenma could see Neko wanting to see better, the little brown eyes wide with curiosity as they watched Kenma maneuver his avastar with practiced skill. He spoke without thinking, the words slipping past him before he could recognize what had happened. “You want to watch Neko?” He waited to see the excited bob of his head before pausing the game.
Hinata’s voice was in the background asking who Neko was and Tsukkishima was grumbling about the game being paused in the middle of a mission. “It’s fine guys, just one second.” Without saying another word, Kenma stood and retrieved the small stool in the kitchen for Neko to sit on next to him. It wouldn’t be appropriate for him to sit on Kenma’s lap as if they were family, but this way he could watch without having to stand the whole time.
This was how the rest of the mission went before they decided to call it quits for the night. Kenma thanked his viewers for joining and answered a few questions, but also avoided answering anything about Neko. The internet was far too scary to have anything about him online, it was bad enough that Kenma had already used his real name. It was then that Neko perked up and began to gather his things off of the coffee table.
“My papa should be home soon! Thank you for letting me hang out, Mr. Kozume!” Neko was gone and out the door before Kenma could correct him again about calling him Mister. He wouldn't admit it, but having someone in the house was nice, even if it was just a kid that needed to not be alone for a bit. The warmth in the apartment had been nice for a time and he wondered if he would see him again anytime soon.
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The next day, when a loud knock sounded at his front door, Kenma jumped. Neko had been his only visitor in so long that the sound was foreign, louder than he remembered knocking ever being. The morning sun had yet to clear the sky, the air filled with that beautiful fog of sleep
Bang! Bang! Bang!
As the seconds ticked by the knocking became more and more insistent. Kenma felt himself slowly shrinking inwardly the closer he got to the door, unconsciously pulling the edges of his robe closer to his small form for comfort. He didn’t know what would be behind the door, but he also had the overwhelming feeling that it wouldn’t be smart to ignore it.
When he finally unlocked the door with shaking hands he was ill prepared for the man that stood behind it. He was tall, his shoulders broad and his eyes dark with anger. the aura that wafted off of him in thick waves was enough to make the hairs on his neck stand on end. There had never been a moment when Kenma could feel the weight of someone’s gaze, feel it like a physical touch against his flesh— until now. The man that stood at his front door was angry beyond belief, his presence alone already making Kenma’s knees shake with anxiety as he took in the sight before him. The words already spewing from his lips like acid before the door was even fully open, the energy filling the sample with a thick layer of loathing.
“So, this is the man that thought it would be appropriate to allow a child into his home without the parents blessing. What kind of sick bastard wishes to have the company of a child without anything in return?” The words dripped from his lips like venom, searing trails across Kenma’s heart as the pieces slowly began to slide into place.
This was Neko’s father.
“What on earth were you thinking? How do I know my son was safe when he was alone in your home ? I should call the authorities and have you arrested for kidnapping. You had no right to let him into your home knowing for damn sure he had no one here to sit with him and supervise him while he was here. This is completely irresponsible!” The longer Kuroo spoke the more he felt the anger soothe, the boiling emotion finally spilling over until it had nothing more to burn. He took in his surroundings, letting his brown eyes meet the golden ones of his small neighbor.
Now that he’d actually looked at the man it was easy to see him trembling with fear, small tears prickling at the edges of his lashes and his bottom lip beginning to quiver.
Kenma quickly bowed. “Kozume Kenma.” After a moment passed, the morning fog slowly lifted the more he stood with the man at his front door, he finally broke the silence. “I’m sorry if I overstepped—I mean yes I overstepped. I’m very sorry about that, I just didn’t want him wandering off into trouble and he sat at the table to do his homework until he felt it was time to head home.” He didn’t realize when he had started rambling, but he didn’t expect to feel like he’d done something wrong when confronted like this. He kept his head bowed, his body trembling as the tears came, guilt flooding his chest as he replayed everything Kuroo had said to him.
The reality of the situation was that Kenma allowing Neko inside was inappropriate, no matter where his heart was on the matter. Irony was that Kuroo prayed Neko wasn’t in the home for long and that this man wouldn’t call the authorities on him. Neko was far too young to leave at home alone, but he didn’t have much of a choice.
When Kenma stood up again, the tears were gone but his little nose was still a whispering bright red against his porcelain cheeks… The man’s shoulders relaxed a bit. The man didn’t look like he’d meant any harm, his words sounding sincere and honest. Truthfully it may have been a blessing that it was Kenma that Neko had met instead of a truly awful human being. Although what he had said needed to be said, he didn’t get the feeling that if Neko were to come over again he would be in any danger. “I’m Kuroo Tetsuro, Neko’s father.”
“If you’d like…I mean— do you want to come in for a bit?”
Kuroo didn’t know if it was the sincerity that held strong in his eyes, the nervousness of his tone, or the comfort he felt having been offered to step into Kenma’s home, but he found himself nodding. No words were spoken as he was led into a similar apartment to his on, the areas much darker and the air cold from an open window somewhere. The only time his mind cleared was when his neighbor spoke again.
“Would you like something to drink?” Kenma was already walking towards the kitchen, hands shaking as he mentally listed everything he had to offer Neko’s father. Inviting him inside was a stupid idea, but so was assuming that he would decline.
Coffee. Everyone likes coffee.
Quickly, Kenma grabbed a coffee for himself and his now guest before returning to the small coffee table. They sat on the tatami mats, neither daring to break the silence too soon. Still, as it stretched on, the nerves ending absence of sound seemed to swallow their thoughts whole before Kenma found himself studying his neighbor, noting the small ways he looks so much like his son— or how his sone looked like him.
On the other hand, Kuroo kept looking at what was handed to him, a can of coffee. He’d watched Kenma open the cupboard and seen the barren shelves, the cans in the single cabinet told him all he needed to know. Kenma didn’t cook or didnt know how to, and he drank most of his beverages out of cans and juice boxes. The kitchen looked like a wasteland, not a single sign of someone that has made themselves a home cooked meal anytime recently. How sad. The older man thought, in his own way, his neighbor was only surviving rather than living. Something Kuroo could relate to.
“Thank you, for the uh… coffee.” Once the bubble of silence was broken his voice suddenly felt too loud for the small space. “I’m sorry if my son ended up imposing on you yesterday. He’s usually at friends or more careful around strangers.”
Kenma couldn’t help but notice the way Kuroo sidestepped his way out of saying his sone was alone. It was obvious that his son was home alone, and that he was alone a lot of the time while Kuroo is out at work. It seemed that Kenma’s neighbor was unsure how much he knew, and he was too embarrassed to divulge that information himself.
The gamer thought back to the way Neko looked content just having someone there, someone existing in the same space as him, and his heart ached for the young boy. Images and memories of Kenma’s own past flashed across his mind, and he wanted to keep that from happening with Neko if it was possible. “I didn’t mind actually. I don’t have a revolving door of guests to say the least, and him being here gave a bit of life to the place.”
Kenma wouldn’t meet Kuroo’s eyes as the last of his words slipped out, his cheeks once again dusting with a pretty pink that spoke of his own shyness. Knowing that Neko hadn’t bothered him at all, but in a way filled a void for his neighbor, eased the man’s worry a bit. “You spend a lot of time alone.” It wasn’t a question, but still Kenma nodded in response, his eyes never leaving the swirling coffee in his own can.
“Actually,” Kenma took a breath to ease his nerves, his heart pounding in his chest as he forced the words in the back of his mind past his lips. “If it’s alright with you, and of course only if Neko would like to, he’s more than welcome to spend his after school hours here.”
Suddenly, Kuroo looked unsure as well, the mirrored expression looking almost comical on the larger man. Kenma could see the thoughts warring like raging storms in his mind, wondering how much to say and how much to keep to himself, before speaking. “That is very kind of you, but I have no money to pay you for watching over him. It wouldn’t be fair to impose our own misgivings onto you. Already you showed Neko kindness yesterday by spending time with him, and for that thank you—“
“I don’t need money.” The words were quick this time, slipping like water rather than mud or sand, finding the assumption a tad offensive. “I would just rather not sit here when Neko could find some unkind stranger to appease his loneliness, when he could be safe here. I don’t need your money, I may not look it but I do rather well for myself. I only meant to offer a safe place for your son to be that isn’t home and isnt alone.”
The acknowledgement was clear, Kenma was telling Neko’s father that he knew he was often home alone. Neither man would say it as plain as day, but it was there, laying flat on the coffee table they sat at like a fallen sheet of paper. Neko was a good kid, if.a bit too friendly and naive, and Kenma couldnt help the ache in his chest if he let his mind wonder what would have happened if he’d followed someone else into their home.
“Neko and I will spend the day here with you this weekend to talk about this. As payment for him being here I will make you dinner in that empty kitchen. ” It was lighthearted, a small act of compromise that Kenma appreciated. With such few words the tension in the room that had settled like a heavy blanket, lifted with ease. He wondered what Kuroo was planning to make, and made a mental note to at least have some food to work with when he came that weekend.
“This weekend then.”
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Kuroo did in fact come over that weekend, and even though Kenma tried to have food in the fridge for his neighbor to work with he accidentally bought food that didn’t go together. Not knowing what Kuroo would want to make, Kenma opted to just buy anything that looked good. Luckily, his neighbor was creative and managed to make a very delicious meal out of the randomness of his food supply.
Although endearing, this made Kuroo add dinner shopping trips to their Friday dinners. Yes, dinners. Every Friday Kuroo would come over with his son Neko and they would cook dinner together. At first Kenma was content to sit and watch his attractive neighbor cook in his kitchen, but then his fingers began to itch. The gnawing guilt of not being able to contribute finally ate away at him by the third week, forcing his feet to drag their way into the kitchen.
Never having been taught to cook properly, Kuroo had far too much fun teaching Kenma the basics. It wasn’t long before awkward glances and trembling hands began to change like a fresh summer breeze, growing into lingering touches and blushing cheeks. Soon, Kenma found himself leaning into Kuroo as they washed dishes after dinner, letting his shoulder brush against Kuroo’s as if it was the most natural thing in the world.
During their dinners Kuroo felt the world fall away, the stress and doubts that followed him from job to job as the sun rose and set were trapped at the threshold of Kenma’s apartment. His heart fluttered in his chest when he would come over, a butterfly of emotions making their presence known when he would see the blonde. It would be months before he knew what that fluttering meant, but he enjoyed every second of it.
Getting to see Kuroo and Neko every week was like getting to go to your favorite restaurant every week. He enjoyed helping Neko measure how much water to put in the rice cooker, and washing his hands before chopping vegetables together. Sometimes they would play music, Kuroo being the star of his own show at all times, would sing along very loudly and encourage them to dance.
The smell of cooking dinner and a family of laughter was always in attendance at Friday night dinners.
“Neko likes you.” Kuroo said one night while Kenma helped him with the dishes. The statement seemed obvious, Neko wouldn’t always ask to be around him if he didn’t like him, but this seemed different. Deeper. “I can see it in the way he looks at you when you spend time with him. He loves you a lot.”
Kenma didn’t know he was waiting for that to be confirmed until his shoulders relaxed and his heart swelled with joy. He didn’t notice the wetness on his cheeks or when Kuroo had turned off the water in concern. The older man leaned against the sink and pulled Kenma into his arms, it wasn’t a bridge they had crossed yet, but it just felt right. Kenma melted into Kuroo’s embrace as if he’d been waiting to be held, and in a way maybe he was, but he wasn’t going to admit that.
He loved having them there, and he didn’t want to risk them not wanting to come over just because Kenma misread something. It was obvious that Kuroo was a kind soul, full of love and warmth, so it was impossible not to fall for him.
They didn’t see a pair of brown eyes watching them from the living room, a small smile on Neko’s lips as he finally saw some progress being made. The boy knew before they did, the way they longed to be within each other's presence, the way they had secret smiles that they saved only for each other. It was what they talked about in fairy tales and movies, something that most people don’t get to find or even consider to be real, but Neko could see it.
He watched Kenma pull away, but not daring to step out of Kuroo’s embrace, milking the moment for all its worth. “I love him too. I love… having you both here. Its like this place finally feels like home.”
Neko tried not to grumble too much when he noticed that Kenma back pedaled, the words still important and heavy in the air as they strayed like morning light. He watched his father slowly reach up and carefully move a stray hair from Kenma’s face, the other blushing hard as he tried to avoid further eye contact.
With a knowing smile Neko walked back to the bedroom where he was thought to still be sleeping, his heart fluttering with hope that Kenma would be part of his family soon.
Not a single soul in the world could have told Kuroo why he refused to let Kenma out of his embrace, but he knew that Kenma also didn’t want to move. It had been months of this beating around the bush, sidestepping feelings like a complicated ballroom dance because of Neko. At least that’s what they both assumed. Were this to go badly, or if Neko wouldn’t be as accepting to the change, then this small bubble would burst. Their happiness would wilt like flowers in winter, past memories like falling petals forgotten on the sidewalk.
The only thing was Kuroo was done waiting, and he knew in his heart that Neko would squeal at the idea of his two favorite people together. His arm tightened around Kenma’s waist earning a questioning glance from the blonde, and Kuroo knew that if he was going to do it then he would have to do it now. Kenma was a lot like a cat in a sense, squirming after being held for too long.
Once again he raised his hand to Kenma’s face, gently caressing his cheek in a silent question. His heart was already pounding in his chest so hard that he was sure Kenma could feel it. Kuroo let his eyes flick from Kenma’s eyes to his lips and back again, another silent question that went unanswered.
Before he could change his mind Kuroo carefully pressed his lips to Kenma’s, finally closing the gap of their aching friendship, and putting an end to his long winded pining. He didn’t know what to expect, but he was elated when Kenma kissed him back, softly as if he was afraid the moment would shatter like glass if he asked for too much. There would be a time for passion and lust-filled gazes. This was a question being answered, feeling finally being put down on paper for the other to see.
“May I cook us breakfast tomorrow?” Kuroo, liking to tease, hid a question writhin a question. Really he was asking ‘May I stay and cook us breakfast in the morning?’.
Kenma was nodding before his words found their way past his lips, his heart fluttering and his face breaking into a soul stuttering smile. “Yes, I would like that.”
With that they were off to bed, sharing Kenma’s large bed with Neko sleeping soundly between them. Finally, the house wasn’t filled with a heart-wrenching silence, the absence of sound wouldn’t threaten to drown Kenma in the night, and finally their little family was at peace. New beginnings were forming and both Kuroo and Kenma were excited to break the news to Neko in the morning.