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Yugi has to be so very careful with his heart. Even though Atem has been back with him for several weeks now, it is still exceedingly fragile.
Atem's presence is so, so comforting to Yugi, but it doesn’t undo the damage caused by his initial departure.
Letting Atem go was, by far, the hardest thing he’s ever had to do.
Forcing himself to stand there and smile through his tears, to swallow down the horrific pain tearing through his heart so that he could properly send Atem off to the afterlife, knowing he’d never see him again, was nothing short of traumatic.
To say his heart was broken was a grievous understatement.
After all, how does one recover from losing the other half of their soul?
Yugi had known that he'd never love again the moment the doors closed behind Atem’s disappearing form.
To even attempt to do so was a fool’s path that he had no interest in entertaining.
Instead, he diverted his energy into patching himself up the best he could. He had to for the simple fact that he remained in the world of the living and, as such, he needed to live.
That meant sealing his pain away. It was the only way he could get through his days with his sanity intact, even if his heart wasn’t.
Closing himself off meant hardening his edges to prevent others from looking inside. This often led to him declining his friends' offers to talk about how he was coping with Atem's departure. As it turned out, after spending so much time searching for it, Yugi found it immensely difficult to utter his other half’s name aloud.
If he simply kept Atem’s memory contained to his heart, then it was easier to find happiness in his day-to-day life – in the moments spent with his friends and his grandfather; in work and school.
Some days were harder than others, but he felt he’d been (arguably) coping well enough.
Then, Diva happened.
Yugi can still remember the darkness, blurring the edges of his mind, slowly eating away at him. He can remember his life force being drained, slipping through his fingers like grains of sand. He remembers those moments right before he fell into unconsciousness, calling out in his mind, in his heart, for Atem.
Seconds away from succumbing to the darkness, Yugi held onto the single comfort that if this really was the end for him then, at the very least, perhaps he’d be reunited with Atem.
The spark of joy that lit up his heart at the thought chimed softly inside of him –
– before exploding into a pillar of light.
It’s not the flames, but the moment Atem’s soul unfurls next to his that is seared into his memory forever. He vividly remembers it brushing up against his own in a loving, gentle hello – a greeting exchanged between dear friends forcibly separated far too soon.
Yugi knows that no matter how long Atem sticks around this time, it won't be long enough.
Even with that expectation, the mere minute he has to gaze upon Atem in the aftermath of Diva’s defeat felt exceptionally cruel.
The sheer depth of his grief feels insurmountable standing across from his other, but he pushes it aside so that he can bask in the tender emotions Atem is flooding their bond with. He can feel Atem’s wordless affection and joy and pride – god, Yugi can see it right there in his gaze, how proud Atem is of who he’s become.
Yugi can’t bear to let him down by showing him how weak he really is.
By letting on that all he wants to do is fall to his knees and beg Atem to stay.
So, he smiles and silently sends through his own bits of elation at seeing Atem again and of his eternal gratefulness knowing that even when separated by life and death, Atem would forever be watching over him.
He keeps his anguish to himself though because none of his pain is Atem’s burden to bear anymore.
His other half had done what he’d set out to do.
This was always how it was going to end for them.
With Atem reunited with his memories, his loved ones.
And with Yugi counting his lucky stars that he was graced with the opportunity to have a friend, a teacher, a role model, and a caretaker like Atem…
– and then having to spend the rest of his life trying to cope with such a monumental loss.
The months following Diva were almost as brutal as the months that preceded it. In total, Yugi has spent almost a year now just trying to stay afloat.
By now, he knows the fluctuating waves of his grief well.
Most days, when they brush up against his heart, against the hollow void in his soul that has taken on Atem’s shape, Yugi can put on a brave face and carry on.
But other days, the waves crest over him and yank him underneath. It feels like he’s drowning, and the only thing that helps relieve the pressure in his lungs is crying into his pillow.
Those days grow farther apart as the events with Diva fall farther into his past. He actually finds himself in a good stretch of dry eyes and dreamless sleeps and smiles that don’t feel as forced when Kaiba shows up at the game shop with what Yugi’s weary heart can only surmise is a hologram or AI or maybe even a figment of his imagination.
But whatever it is, it cannot possibly be Atem, and Yugi sees red.
Why was it that whenever he had begun to find a modicum of peace, he was confronted with the reminder that Atem was gone, that his entire heart was in another plane, forever out of his reach? How long would he be expected to survive this slow torture?
When would Kaiba, when would the universe, just let him rest?
Fury is hot in his veins when he tells the unwelcome guests to get out. His voice is unfamiliar even to his own ears, and the rage boiling inside of him is foreign.
He knows that it is born out of grief, of a fatigue that wears heavy on his bones but, in that moment, he’d rather be angry than burst into tears which is what he really wants to do.
When Kaiba doesn’t leave, when he doesn’t take this… this thing with him, Yugi comes out from behind the front counter to forcibly kick them out of the store. He borrows from the extra strength lent to him by his anger to feel confident enough to achieve this.
It takes him until he reaches out, until his palm grazes Atem’s skin to know, instantly, that it’s actually Atem.
Terror is a violent shock down his spine.
Because if Atem is here, that means that there’s something nearby, ready to take him away again.
He throws himself into Atem’s arms before that can happen.
He can’t do this again.
He can’t keep having Atem show up just to lose him again.
It’ll break him if this is meant to be his fate.
But even when Atem sits him down and tells him otherwise, Yugi is hard-pressed to believe it.
His other half promises that he’s here to stay this time, but destiny has a way of making things difficult for them.
For that reason alone, Yugi finds himself keeping Atem an arm’s length away.
As if that would be enough to spare him his anguish if Atem had to leave again. As if he wouldn’t be absolutely devastated.
A part of him knows that there’s no sense in putting distance between them, but logic is not a friend to the weary and broken-hearted.
It’s really not until Atem approaches him in the kitchen one afternoon almost a month into his return, not until Yugi hears the fear in Atem’s voice that he might not be welcome here, back into Yugi’s home and life and heart, that Yugi snaps out of his haze.
He quickly finds himself back in Atem’s arms to assure himself of this reality. His physical presence grounds him. He breathes in Atem’s scent – goodness, he has a scent, a distinctly fresh and earthy smell – and the tension in his frame that he’d been clinging tightly to since Atem’s recent return, since Diva, since their final duel, whooshes out of him. He allows himself to sink further and further into his other half’s heat as Atem swears to him once more that he's not going anywhere.
For the first time since his return, Yugi truly believes him.
However, he still checks the corners of their lives daily, just in case.
Two months in, Yugi's heart still thuds with relief every morning when Atem walks into the kitchen. He’s no longer rendered speechless by his presence and no longer jumps out of his skin when he hears his voice.
He's able to relax in Atem’s company again and accept this wonderful gift from the gods (though he’s still scared someone is going to realize one day that he doesn’t deserve this and pull the rug out from underneath him again).
It’s harder than he’d thought it’d be, letting Atem in again. He’d been doing things without him for so long now that opening himself up to allow Atem to care for him again is intimidating. He struggles with it, but he also can see how much Atem wants to be there for him, and it's so very endearing. He loves the way Atem's eyes light up whenever he asks him for help with something.
The more Yugi reaches out to him, the more natural it feels, and the more he’s able to slip back into a time when he could and did readily rely on Atem.
It takes some effort on his part, but he tries.
He supposes many things take effort these days.
Like not staring at Atem. Specifically, at the slant of his gaze and the rich color of his skin.
Like not allowing his mind to drift off when tracing the curve of Atem’s jaw with his eyes or sinking into the lovely cadence of his voice.
These days, Yugi finds himself often brimming with wonder and awe whenever he’s around Atem. He still is amazed that his other half has a body of his own – a gorgeous body that houses his gorgeous soul.
He wonders if he’s maybe coming on a little too strong though, because he notices that Atem has started acting odd around him. He tries to scale back his adoration, but how can he when Atem is there at his every beck and call, waiting to give him whatever his heart desires?
Does Atem know that it desires him?
Yugi is so immersed in his thoughts that he startles when a hand waves back and forth in front of his face.
His eyes quickly find Joey’s, and he offers his friend a sheepish smile.
“I’m sorry,” he says. “Got a little lost there.”
Joey’s concern manifests as a frown on his face. “Everythin' okay? You’ve been out of it since you got here."
Yugi can’t deny that, so he doesn’t try. Rather, he stuffs his hands into his front pockets and hums in agreement. He rocks back and forth on his feet as he and Joey loiter outside of the movie theatres, waiting for the rest of their small group to arrive.
“I was thinking about Atem,” Yugi admits quietly.
“Y’all okay?” Joey asks. “I noticed you two didn’t come together.”
“We’re okay,” Yugi says but there’s some traces of doubt in his voice that even he can hear. “I mean, I think we are… I don’t know, I may have made him uncomfortable earlier.”
Joey’s brows lift high on his face, disappearing under his straw-colored fringe. “How so?”
Yugi shifts his weight on his feet, his gaze falling to the ground. “This afternoon, Atem organized the entire supply room in the shop. Even unboxed and sorted all of the new inventory. I’d been dreading doing it and had sort of intentionally been putting it off. I mentioned it in passing to him the other day, and when I returned from classes earlier, he told me that he’d taken care of all of it.”
Yugi’s heart swells just talking about this.
It was such a sweet gesture – Atem taking it upon himself to make Yugi’s day (and life) easier; to put a smile on his face.
It’s so utterly him and, god, does Yugi just love him.
“That’s awesome,” Joey says. “Can’t say I’m surprised. Atem is always lookin’ out for you.” A pause. “Why do you think you made him uncomfortable though?”
Yugi ducks his head, scratching the back of his neck. “Well, it’s just… I’ve been really overwhelmed lately with end-of-the-semester work. So, I was just so relieved… it was such a thoughtful thing for him to do. I wasn’t even thinking, I just ran up to him and hugged him really tight and thanked him like a million times. Afterward, he just sort of… disappeared,” he says, his shoulders sinking a little with the recollection. “He mumbled something about needing to take a shower, even though I’m pretty sure he’d already taken one earlier this morning. Told me to go on and he’d meet us here… I don’t know. He definitely seemed uncomfortable about something.”
Joey blows out a breath, the strands of his hair flittering. “Yugi, this is Atem we’re talkin’ about. You two share everythin'. You really think he was put off by you huggin' him?”
“No,” Yugi sighs instantly.
Joey’s right, after all.
He and Atem had shared plenty of embraces since his return. He knows that physical contact between them is welcomed – and honestly, extremely comforting. The closeness is part of their dynamics. It’s what they have left after sharing a body.
And even though Atem having a body of his own was the desired outcome, Yugi can tell that they both miss it sometimes.
“I guess I’m reading too much into things. I think we’re both just still adjusting to him being back,” Yugi eventually says. He hesitates, almost ashamed of his next words. “The other night, I told him that I felt like he’d been pulling away from me, and I asked him if he regretted coming back.”
“Yugi…”
“I know, I know … “ Yugi groans, scrubbing his face with one hand. “I know he wants to be here. I guess I’m dealing with my own guilt around everything. About him leaving his friends and family to come back.”
“He’s able to return afterward though, yeah?”
“Yes,” Yugi exhales in relief. “That’s what he said anyways. Ugh, I don’t know, Joey, I think I’m just really in my head about everything.”
Joey is quiet for a long while before responding. “This is… not a typical experience, Yug’. There’s really no guide on how one is supposed to adjust to somethin' like this. It’s okay that you’re havin’ a hard time with it. Give yourself some grace,” he says. A beat later, he asks, “Have you told him about… you know…”
Yugi does know. “No, I haven’t,” he replies. “And I don’t plan to anytime soon. I just want to enjoy this… what we have now. I don’t want to rush anything, especially when my thoughts are such a mess like this.”
Joey nods, but still, he says, “Atem completely adores you. You know that, right?”
Yugi's heart stammers against his ribcage. “Of course,” he says, swallowing. “We were – are – partners. I know he cares for me – “
“That’s not what I mean.”
Joey’s words are so precise, so pointed, that Yugi raises an eyebrow at him. “Why are you saying this? Have you talked to him lately?”
At that, Joey looks genuinely surprised. “Not about this,” he says.
“Then, how would you – ?”
“Yugi,” he says. “Have you seen the way Atem looks at you?”
Yugi isn’t sure how to answer that.
Luckily, he doesn’t have to when he catches gold in his peripheral.
He looks over to find Atem approaching them.
He is a vision, a daydream, with his head low and his eyes luminous. His bangs flutter in the breeze and caress the sides of his face where his smile sits, directed solely at him. His jacket is hanging off his shoulders, and the wind makes it look more like a cape and suddenly Yugi sees the king he once was. He is rendered awestruck.
It takes a few moments for him to compose himself enough to speak steadily. “Hey, Other Me,” he greets when he’s within earshot. He takes a few steps toward him and away from Joey to ask a bit quieter, “Are you feeling better?”
Even with the dark tone of his skin, the flush of color along the defined arches of Atem's cheekbones is evident. “Yes,” he coughs out, sheepishly. “Apologies for worrying you, Partner. I’m feeling much better now.”
Yugi looks him up and down and tries not to let his gaze linger over his dark, slim-fitting attire, but he wants to reassure himself that Atem really is okay.
And that everything is okay between them.
Atem sees this in his eyes, he must, because he reaches down and takes his hand in his.
A sense of calm slips under Yugi’s skin at the contact. His heart skips a beat when Atem laces their fingers together and squeezes reassuringly.
Yugi smiles, flushed at the contact but so very comforted by it.
He turns so that they can rejoin Joey a few paces away. He meets the eyes of his friend, and Joey doesn’t have to say anything for Yugi to know that the intimacy of the exchange did not go unnoticed.
Nor the fact that he and Atem’s hands are still clasped together.
A few weeks later brings both a change in seasons as well as more snow than Yugi has seen in years.
During the worst of it, Atem has to head out to Kaiba Corp. to acquire the documents he needs to exist in this modern world. Kaiba does this in exchange for as many duels as his ego can withstand.
It’s hours until Kaiba ultimately dismisses his other half so that he can fume in peace.
By the time Atem returns, Yugi has shoveled and re-shoveled the sidewalk outside of the shop three times.
Yugi has never been the most athletic, but shoveling has winded him to a point where he pushes signing up for a gym membership higher on his priority list.
By the next day, his back and arms ache spectacularly.
He tries his best to brush off Atem’s concern, but he can see it bright in those scarlet eyes when, after dinner, Yugi has to bite back a pained whine attempting to stand from the table. He almost asks Atem for another one of his glorious massages, but there’s simply too much of his body that needs attention, some of which are far more intimate than his shoulders.
He decides a bath is in order before bed that night. He can only hope that the heat from it will help both his sore muscles and his bones that he is nearly certain are broken.
He steps gingerly inside the tub once the bath is drawn, groaning in relief as he settles to the bottom. The hot water is a full-body massage, caressing his muscles and joints and crevices. He sinks down further to his nose and inhales the floral scent that he loves (and that he’ll continue to use until he dies despite Joey’s teasing).
He is so relaxed like this that he almost feels like he could fall asleep here. The thought of having to get out of the tub, of the cold air hitting his skin, fills him with dread.
But he gets to work washing his body anyways, knowing that the bath water won’t stay at this soothing temperature forever.
He doesn’t realize the extent of his muscle pain until it’s time to wash his hair. He dips underneath the water for a few moments to wet the strands then returns to his position. His trap muscles in his shoulders hiss when he attempts to lift his arms over his head. His biceps and triceps are none too pleased either.
He slowly lowers his arms back down into the water and whines pathetically.
After a few minutes of sulking, his eyes wander to the unlocked bathroom door. He knows Atem is somewhere nearby as his other is never too far away.
The walls of this old house are paper thin, so he is almost certain Atem would hear him if he called out for him.
He hesitates for a very long moment and considers forgoing his hair washing tonight altogether.
However, given the unruly texture of his hair, it really does require daily conditioner to keep it from knotting.
Yugi sighs, very loudly. He is simply in too much pain to care about his dignity.
“Atem," he calls out, straining his voice a bit with his volume. “Do you mind… can you help me wash up?”
There’s a crash somewhere in the house that makes Yugi jump.
Moments later, a light knock comes from the other side of the door.
When it cracks open, Atem peeks his head in, looking oddly breathless. “Hi,” his other says. “You… you needed help washing up, you said?”
Yugi can feel his embarrassment hot in his cheeks. To counter it, he reminds himself that Atem knows his body well enough (they shared it, for crying out loud) in an attempt to trick his brain into thinking this is no big deal.
It works, but only slightly. “I… My arms are really sore. Do you think you could help with my hair?” The more Yugi talks, the warmer his face becomes. “It’s okay if you’re not comfortable with – “
Atem opens the door wider. Genuine concern bleeds into the lines of his face. “Of course, I’ll help you,” he says gently, and he truly looks overjoyed to do so. This soothes Yugi’s discomfort though some of it persists.
After all, he’s still sitting in a tub, naked, alone in a room with the man he is desperately in love with.
Sure, there is some modesty to be found in the bubbles of his bath but not much.
Atem doesn’t let him feel awkward for long though. His smooth, calm movements around the bathroom help Yugi relax again.
Soon after setting up the small vanity chair behind him, Atem's slender fingers slip into his hair, lathering the strands with his favorite cleansing conditioner.
Yugi instantly melts deeper into the bath water at the touch. It’s just so sweet how gentle Atem is with him.
He is so grateful for how patient Atem has been with him since his return. As Yugi navigated his grief and fears, Atem has done nothing but assure him with each new day that he is here to stay and that he will be there for Yugi in whatever way he needs him to be.
Fingernails scrape lovingly over his scalp, and Yugi practically purrs.
The hands in his hair falter.
Yugi can hear as Atem swallows thickly behind him.
“I’m going to rinse your hair now, okay?”
Yugi hums in acknowledgment. He closes his eyes and leans his head back as warm water pours over his head. Rivulets run down the side of his face and neck.
Once the product has been rinsed out, Yugi feels tugging at his strands. It takes him a moment to realize that Atem has pulled one of the towels from the nearby rack and is drying his hair for him.
Warm affection stirs in the part of his heart where Atem used to live.
Yugi angles his head back to look up at him.
A light pink colors the tip of his nose and sits high in Atem’s cheeks. His face is glowing, his eyes soft and glittering with… Yugi doesn't know for sure, but it looks a lot like love.
He’s too scared that he’s wrong though, too scared that Atem might disappear if he speaks the words out loud, so instead he says, “I missed you so much, Other Me.”
Atem’s eyes crinkle ever-so-slightly at the corners. He looks down at him earnestly now. “I missed you too, Partner. More than you can ever know.”
They stare at each other like that for several long moments, just soaking each other in.
And even with his racing heart, even with his lingering fears, Yugi wants nothing more than for Atem to lean down in that moment and kiss him.
Instead, Atem audibly breathes, his chest rising and falling with the large inhale and subsequent exhale, before he asks him, “Do you need anything else right now?”
Yugi shakes his head and dislodges the daydream. He takes an extra beat to come back down to earth. “No, thank you so much,” he manages. “I really appreciate it. Sorry if this was a weird thing to ask.”
“Yugi,” Atem says, and the use of his name catches him completely off-guard. “I am here for whatever you need. I mean that. It… brings me so much joy to be there for you...”
The following silence has the makings of another moment – but before it can take hold, Atem stands from the chair and walks (rather briskly) out of the bathroom.
It feels abrupt, but Yugi assumes Atem just wants to give him some privacy as exits and drains the bath.
Yugi does so and then retreats to his bedroom to ready himself for bed. In no universe is he getting a nightshirt over his head so he settles instead for his baby blue pajamas that he’s able to shrug on and button up without too much difficulty. He sits on the bed to maneuver his briefs and pajama bottoms on.
He glances up when there is a knock on the door.
“Yeah?” he calls out. “You can come in, Other Me.”
“I just wanted to check in before bed," Atem explains as soon as he enters his room. "Make sure you didn’t need anything else.”
His garnet eyes drop to drift over the rug, as though unsure if he should be there or not.
That alone has confidence surging inside Yugi. He wants so desperately to soothe his other’s worries. “Actually, yeah,” he says. When Atem lifts his gaze from the floor to look at him again, Yugi smiles shyly at him. “Did... did you want to stay with me tonight? It’d be nice to have you close… in case I needed something.”
His voice has a lilt to it, as one does when sharing a joke, because what could he possibly need in the middle of the night that he couldn’t get himself.
But it’s an excuse to keep Atem close, and it's clear that they both know that.
Still, Atem answers, “Of course. I’d... really like that.”
That’s how they end up in bed together, facing each other. Without prompting, Atem positions a pillow underneath his head and pulls his wool blanket over them.
Though Yugi expected his heart to race at the proximity, the only thing he feels in that moment is peace. Sleep circles him, calls to him, and he’s being lured to his dreams by the happiness of having Atem so close.
The blanket around them creates a cocoon and their shared body heat keeps Yugi warm. Lying next to Atem like this is surreal to him. Months into his return, Yugi is overcome with emotion, because Atem is here with him and he’s alive – his skin is warm and his breaths are soft and his heart beats –
Yugi blinks away the heat in his eyes and shifts closer to Atem on the bed.
Instantly, Atem’s arm wraps around his back to pull him the rest of the way into his embrace.
Yugi tucks his head under Atem’s firm jaw and buries his face into his chest.
“Other Me?” he whispers into the still, starry, winter night.
Atem’s voice is a sweet caress. “Yes, Partner?”
“Thank you,” Yugi murmurs, as he begins to drift off, “for everything you do for me.”
The noise that leaves Atem’s throat is awfully high-pitched, but Yugi’s so tired, it barely registers. He quietly coos as fingers begin to card through his still-damp hair. It’s all so familiar like they’d been doing this for years, for decades even, as if their souls were connected long before they’d come into existence as they are now.
Atem’s next words are faint, but they are oh-so beautiful as they lull him the rest of the way to sleep.
The tender, hushed “I love you” follows him all the way to his dreams.