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Kagami decided to keep the ring on her finger.
It was risky, she knew. Every time she caught sight of it, she was reminded of the dangers. Even now, as she tried to cool down on the bench, it glimmered in the sunlight that filtered through the leaves. Glinted as she brought her water bottle to her lips. Although she was alone in the garden, it made her stomach twist oddly, like she was baring her internal organs to the world.
She carried herself differently these days, more tense, hyper aware of her right hand. She even trained differently, getting new aches and pains in her shoulder from the stances she took to protect her ring hand.
Not every risk could be avoided. She knew that. There was always the chance that someone could make a comment. Her mother could catch her off guard and grab her by the hand. But she would take this agitation and peril a thousand times before she let the ring out of her sight.
If something was to go terribly awry, she wanted it to be in front of her. She cold handle all the derision and constraint in the world as long as she could at least be aware of its hold on her.
“Kagami.”
She didn’t react to his voice, not visibly. Even if he had snuck up on her, even if he shouldn’t be here. Her startle reflex had long since been trained out of her. But the ring burned hotter against her finger.
Félix had visited her a few times, to the point where she could now recognize his voice in an instant. She had already memorized the flow of it, a cadence so differently from anything that Adrien had ever sounded like.
“Why are you here?”
She didn’t move her eyes, just set the water bottle down slowly, but her voice was infused with more suspicion than she had intended to let slip through. Maybe that was better. Getting too comfortable, too fast, would inevitably lead to disaster.
“I wanted to make sure you were okay.”
She wished that didn’t send waves of satisfaction through her veins, and make her sit up straighter.
Because she still didn’t know what to make of Félix. And it was strange. New.
She trusted her instincts, was comfortable playing that game. Even though social situations required effort, even though conversational nuance seemed to slip by so often, she still had perfectly functioning intuition for whether someone was safe to be around.
But she had been contemplating Félix for a week now, almost nonstop, and just felt more confused than she had been at the start.
“I’m fine.”
She felt the wood of the bench dip slightly as Félix sat down next to her.
“Are you?” He asked, quietly.
“Yes,” she snapped, looking directly at him. He didn’t flinch. Of course he didn’t. He was like her. Trained to withstand anything that could be thrown at him. He wasn’t fragile like her other friends.
“I’m sorry for stealing your ring,” Félix said. He swallowed. “No I’m not,” he said, more quickly, face red. “I’m not sorry. Which might make me worse.”
She didn’t know how to respond to that. The polite reponse would be reassurance, forgiveness. But she still wasn’t sure if she was okay with it. Didn’t know if it would ever be okay that he had managed to pickpocket her ring, take it right off of her finger and switch it with a fake without her even noticing.
She wanted to tell him such, but that would be deceitful, too. Because as mad, as terrified, as frustrated as it made her, it still couldn’t drown out how grateful she was. How she owed him for her life. How it was maybe, probably, definitely, the most pure and poignant act of love that anyone had ever performed for her, and maybe for anyone ever.
“You’re too reckless,” she told him, instead, because that was a truth she could say out loud.
“And you’re not?” he asked, with a smile that made her fingers twitch involuntarily. His expression was altogether too soft, too tender for comfort. She wasn’t sure if she wanted to pull him closer, or throw him.
She wasn’t even sure if there was a difference between those desires at this point. Félix had a tendency to make her reasoning go fuzzy.
“I’m not a wanted fugitive,” she said, dryly.
“You could change that.”
She wasn’t sure if he was joking. Wasn’t sure if she wanted him to be joking. She stared for a long second, as if she could read more into his intent in the pupils of his eyes. They stayed there for a long second, unblinking.
He looked away first.
The corner of her mouth twitched in satisfaction. Even if it didn’t quite make sense why. The wind picked up, rustling in the trees. A few stray leaves fluttered down, one landing on Félix’s shoulder. He brushed it off, and took a deep breath, one that Kagami could practically feel in the air. It was the kind of breath that betrayed when someone was about to make a bold strike in a fencing match.
“Hold out your hand,” he said, quietly.
Immediately, instinctively, her right hand curled into a tight fist, and she clutched it close to her heart.
That wasn’t good. She’d have to get ahold of that reflex before it betrayed valuable knowledge to someone unsavory. Letting an opponent know her weak points was just as bad of a loss as a physical blow.
“Why?”
“Trust me?” he asked, almost shy. His head was bowed, not looking at her, and his voice was barely a murmur.
And oh, if that wasn’t a loaded request.
Trust him?
He was a liar, a thief, a pickpocket. He hadn’t even been honorable enough to stand in the spotlight for months after becoming a villain. He had just lurked in the shadows, keeping his secrets tight against his chest. He was the worst kind of low-life.
Worse than that, she was pretty sure that she did trust him, actually, when it came down to it. She didn’t know what to make of it.
As a compromise, she held out her left hand. The one without a ring.
His fingers brushed against hers, before he placed the cold metal against her palm reverently. Her jaw tightened, as she forced herself not to shiver at the contact. When he removed his hand, she caught sight of the glimmering blue, and her throat was suddenly so dry, she wasn’t sure if she could speak.
“You need this more than me,” he said. “My father can’t hurt me anymore. And you love the same people I do.”
She gawked, not sure what emotion was overwhelming her, but it was definitely strong.
“Plus, it’s not right for me to keep Duusu captive. The miraculous were never meant to be owned. It’s just. Necessity. We have to keep them out of the clutches of those who would use them to harm. Or who don’t understand. But you’re not like that. You’d probably use it better than me.”
She swallowed. It hurt her throat.
“No thank you,” she said, curtly, pressing the pin back into Félix’s hand. She forgot herself in the moment, accidentally used both hands to push it away. Her ring brushed against his skin and she shivered, jerked away like she’s been burnt. This entire situation was wrecking her hard-earned ability to keep a poker face.
It was his turn to look shocked
“Why not?”
Her ring finger still tingled, sending warning signs and something more tender, more like longing coursing through her blood. She huffed, scooting further away on the bench. Trying to keep enough distance to hide whatever was happening in her heart.
“I don’t need you or your kwami spying on me.” She said. Again, it was technically the truth. There was so much else, but nothing she could say out loud. She couldn’t admit that the ring alone was already enough responsibility for a lifetime, or that she wouldn’t know the first thing about being a hero. Or a villain, for that matter. She couldn’t even fulfil the roles she’d been trained for her entire life for. She wasn’t an obedient daughter or a caring friend.
“Yes, of course.” Félix tried to scoot closer, close the distance she had just made, until she shot him a glare that held him back. “But… do you want it?”
“What?”
Félix brought one of his legs onto the bench, close to his chest. She could see the anxiety starting to creep through his posture as well. At least she wasn’t alone.
“You don’t need us to watch over you, but, do you want it? I think that’s what matters more.” He said, almost whispering.
And oh, oh. Something absolutely burning, something bright and bubbly and soft spread through her chest. She laughed, actually laughed for a short second, a smile taking over her before she got ahold of herself.
“I—I’ll think about it.” she said, her smile still not quite gone.
She looked over to Félix, and he blushed, glancing away again.
“Now get out of here, my mother is going to come back at any moment.” She reached out to push him off of the bench, but before she could, her ring glinted in her vision, and she realized that she had been about to touch him with her ring hand for the second time in a matter of minutes. She froze, pulling her hand back awkwardly.
He definitely noticed, his gaze lingering on that hand for a moment, but he didn’t acknowledge it otherwise.
“I’ll see you soon?” he asked, hesitant. Hopeful.
Kagami bit her cheek.
“Only if my mother doesn’t catch you. Now. Shoo.”
He beamed, elation written all over his prideful face.
“Goodbye for now, then,” he said. “Be safe.”
“I’ll do what I can.” That, at least, was something she could say without any complications or hidden maybe-truths.
She brushed her thumb against her ring again, checking to ensure that it still prickled with energy. It did, of course, but it didn’t hurt to take precautions. Especially when her walls were breaking like this.