Chapter Text
The door of Tinn’s unit flung open, revealing a smiling Gun leaning against the wall. He lifts his hand, which was holding a bag full of ingredients and snacks, making the hungry doctor’s stomach rumble. Tinn grimaces at the sudden sound of hunger, a blush creeping its way to his cheeks. Gun just laughs at this and enters the unit, placing the bag on the kitchen counter.
"You really waited for your amazing chef boyfriend? You know you could have eaten already if you were hungry, Tinn." Gun says as he tickles Tinn’s chin. It was one of the things he absolutely loved to do; he loved seeing his lover all smitten, like a cat who liked its chin being scratched. All that was left was for Tinn to purr. It was an interesting thought, but the actual thing would put Gun into a frenzy.
Tinn rolls his eyes and slaps Gun’s hand away, all shy and embarrassed. "Is it wrong to miss your cooking?" He murmurs, then turns to his side, sulking. Gun couldn’t help but smile at his never-changing, sulky, and shy boyfriend. "Ah, ah. I’ll cook you some dinner, alright?" He coaxes Tinn, grabbing his hand and intertwining their fingers, rubbing his thumb against Tinn’s knuckles.
He sighs in relief when Tinn shows his usual smile (his lips turn into something like a letter V) and kisses Gun’s cheek. "Thank you, I’ll take a quick shower while you cook." Tinn says as he nuzzles his nose against Gun’s cheek. Tinn smelled like his workplace, with the scents of various medicines and ethanol mixing together. Gun used to hate the smell of hospitals and the suffocating feeling they brought to his chest. But visits at night at Tinn’s condo made him quite immune to it; after all, it was mostly what he smelled like. And he loves Tinn, and so he started to adjust to the smell of Tinn’s hard work and passion.
Gun nods and gestures at Tinn to start showering. He waits until Tinn enters his room before he starts sorting out the items from the bag. The unit was silent and dim; the television was turned off, and the lights were yellow, making the room feel cozy and warm. Raindrops trickled against the clerestory, eliciting a gloomy atmosphere. Gun felt alone. It suddenly felt like he was back to a few years ago, when he would randomly stare into space with nothing in his mind. He hated this feeling, and he wished it never came back. But to him, everything might be just a dream, and he hasn’t woken up yet. He was full of doubts, like Tinn coming back to him and remembering him might be a fraction of his imagination, and he was just in a deep sleep, not knowing when he would wake up.
"Darling?" Gun snaps from his daze, muttering an oh shit before hurrying to turn off the stove. Luckily, the food wasn’t burned; it was just slightly overcooked but still edible. Gun exhales and carefully pours the food from the pan onto a plate, placing it carefully on the counter. He looks at Tinn, who was also looking at him, putting on a worried expression on his face. Water droplets fell from his hair and onto his pale skin. He had just finished showering. "Sorry, I was in a daze for a bit. The food can still be eaten, though," he says with a smile, pushing the plate forward. "Let’s eat, hmm?" Tinn nods and grabs some utensils from the dish rack, the look not leaving his face.
The dinner was silent. At least Tinn knew he was eating like he usually did, but Gun looked out of it. He chewed slowly; his brows were slightly furrowed, and he would space out often. Tinn was worried, and he couldn’t just continue eating in silence. "Gun, is there something bothering you?" He asks in a soft tone, trying to make Gun comfortable enough to confide in him. But to his dismay, Gun only shook his head and smiled at him. Tinn thought it was cute; his cheeks were stuffed with food, and they became rounder as he smiled. But normally, Gun would whine and tell him cheesy pick-up lines to prove that he was fine. Something was definitely wrong. "Baby, please tell me? Don’t even try to pretend; I know you." Tinn says and grabs Gun’s hand, resting it against his cheek. Gun’s expression softens at this and he kisses Tinn’s palm, as a way of apologizing.
"I’m sorry, love, I didn’t mean to worry you... I just…" Gun trails off, ashamed of his reason, disappointed at himself for making Tinn worry, and afraid of the answer that comes out of Tinn’s mouth. His eyes fixated on the marble counter; he couldn’t look Tinn in the eye; he didn’t know how to put it into words. Tinn notices that Gun is hesitating, and he doesn’t want to pressure him. "Don’t force yourself, I was just worried," he says. "Of course, I can always listen when you’re ready—" He gets cut off when Gun suddenly locks his eyes with his, his head shaking. Gun knew Tinn was being considerate; he appreciated it, but he’d rather not have his lover overthink things just because of his silence.
"No, I… I want to tell you." Gun says quietly. Tinn nods at this, his heart calming down. He intertwined their fingers together, giving Gun some comfort and warmth so he could talk about his worries with ease. "It’s hard to see what we have right now as reality. I often think you’re not real, that you could be just an illusion, or that I'm in a deep sleep. I never thought this day would come, that you’d be here with me again. I just…. I’m just afraid that you’ll disappear from my sight once again." Gun confesses, his voice getting smaller with every sentence. He never looked away from Tinn, waiting for him to laugh and disintegrate into thin dust, proving his worries true. But Tinn was still there. And Tinn was looking at him with such admiration; the look in his eyes was gentle, and his lips were pulled into a small smile.
"What illusion holds your hand like this, Gun?" Tinn tightens his grip on Gun’s hand and scoots over to his side to place a soft kiss on his lips. "Or kisses you like this, hmm?" Gun’s cheeks turn redder than ever, and he chuckles in disbelief that he could still blush like a teenager when he’s already this age. The pained expression on his face was now long gone, replaced with an affectionate look as he smiled widely at Tinn. His lover stifles a laugh, amused at his reaction. Nevertheless, he was relieved that Gun was feeling better. Tinn knew that this especially bothered Gun, and he was sorry for leaving him for so long. He wanted to do his best to show him affection and give him reassurance.
Gun continues to look at him lovingly, and Tinn feels like he will melt anytime soon. He pinches Gun’s cheek and continues. "My cute boyfriend is on a hiatus in preparation for their next album and also quite busy with composing and songwriting, but he still makes time for me by cooking me food, staying over at my place at night, and driving me to the hospital when I could do it myself and he could choose to catch up on sleep instead. How would I know all of those if I were only an illusion?" He says it in a delicate tone, his voice and his words both crushing Gun to the core. Gun could feel his bones melting, his body becoming lighter, and the pace of his heart quickening, unable to process what Tinn had been saying. "E—Enough, I mean— not like I mind, I just feel shy." He covers his face with his hands, rambling and laughing in happiness. Tinn also laughs at how cute his boyfriend could be.
After finishing their dinner and giggling and stealing kisses while they wash the dishes and clean up all the mess in the kitchen, they plop themselves on Tinn’s bed. It was so soft that Gun’s whole body was sinking; he could feel his eyes shut because it was too comfortable, especially since it was accompanied by the warmth of Tinn’s body, which was wrapped around his. He buries his face into the crook of his neck as he sniffs and inhales the scent of Tinn’s shea butter body wash. Gun was about to kiss Tinn goodnight when he suddenly spoke.
"You know… I have my worries as well." Tinn admits in a hushed tone. This makes Gun look at Tinn in the eyes, distangling his arm around his waist and bringing his hand to his cheek as he cups it. He looks at him, concerned and full of questions. He was worried that he may have done something to worry or upset Tinn, and he feels bad for not noticing it right away. "Can you please tell me, darling? I want to make it up to you." Gun says, brushing Tinn’s bangs away from his forehead. Tinn smiles while shaking his head. "You haven’t done anything, Gun... It’s more like, a me problem? I don’t exactly know how to say it." Tinn says, closing his eyes as he’s starting to feel shy. Tinn felt like this problem of his might not be a problem for Gun, but it’s been bothering him ever since.
Gun kisses his nose, making Tinn’s shut eyes open once again. He sees Gun looking at him so tenderly, and he can’t help but blush at this sight. "Do you want to talk about it? It’s okay if you’re feeling a bit hesitant, but I would really appreciate it if you would. I want to listen to you and understand you. I want you to share your worries with me." Gun says, running his fingers through Tinn’s soft hair. Gun concludes that Tinn was indeed a cat inside when Tinn gazed into the ceiling, his eyes and mouth smiling, feeling the touch of Gun’s fingers on his scalp. Gun’s laugh brings Tinn back to his senses, and he coughs in embarrassment.
"Well…. Remember when I went to Chinzhilla’s dorm?" Tinn asks.
Of course, Gun recalled that moment. It was the first time Gun brought Tinn to the members’ shared housing. Everyone was so excited to see Tinn again after how many years, each member trying to initiate a conversation with him (even Sound, who tried playing it cool but missed Tinn as much). They had their usual lunch of samgyeopsal and yakisoba , which brought a lot of nostalgia to Tinn. He realizes how much he’s missed out, especially when they sit on the couch just talking about random things.
"Gun, I forgot to ask, how’s your Philodendron Balaoanum ?" Tinn’s face contorts after hearing a strange name come from Por’s mouth. Gun notices the confused look on Tinn’s face, and he laughs in amusement, finding Tinn’s reaction adorable. "It’s a plant, love." He explains. Tinn’s mouth forms into a circle, an oh! leaving his mouth. The other members tell Tinn about Gun’s newly found obsession with indoor plants and how his room is filled with different kinds of species. Gun drags Tinn to his room to show him, proving what the members said was true.
Then the members started laughing, recalling funny memories to tell Tinn. "You know, when we had our graduation party, Gun was so drunk he danced in front of the restaurant, it was so embarrassing!" Sound laughs out loud while Gun groans, covering his face with his hands. "Talking like you didn’t puke on my shirt, Sound!" Sound, who teased but couldn’t bear to be teased, smacks Gun in the head, blushing furiously. Tinn could only laugh along with them, not knowing what to say because he wasn’t there.
Tinn felt downhearted thinking about it. There were so many things that Tinn did not know about Gun—new things, at least. Gun could have had new hobbies, new obsessions, and new favorites, and Tinn knew not a single thing. Compared to high school Tinn, who knew almost everything about Gun (like how many centimeters he’s grown over the summer), Tinn today was like a complete stranger to Gun—at least that’s how he felt with himself. He regrets that he couldn’t be there for Gun when he was drunk and having fun, when he filmed their debut music video, and when they had their first talk show. Back in the past, he’s done so many things for Gun, saving his club, helping them with Hot Wave, and all that, but in the present, he wasn’t able to be with Gun when he was feeling sad or celebrate victories with him. He missed out on a lot, and it makes him feel like he’s incapable and worthless of Gun’s love.
"And I started to wonder if you ever celebrated with someone… else, then maybe, they deserve you more—" Tinn’s voice becomes muffled as Gun pulls him closer to him, hugging him tight, his hand leading Tinn’s head to rest against his shoulder. "No. There was never anyone else. No one else would love me and help me like you do, Tinn. I could never love and be with someone else other than you, so no." Gun’s voice shakes a bit halfway through his sentence, making Tinn’s breathing heavy; his warm breath sends shivers down Gun’s spine. "You always reassure me whenever I also feel unworthy of your love, Tinn. I’m here to tell you that you deserve me as much as I deserve you." Gun could feel warm droplets fall on his shoulder, his sniffles growing louder with every drop. He rubs his back, then pulls away to look at his face. He wipes away the tears on Tinn’s cheeks, kissing his wet eyes.
"I love you, Tinn. I’ve kept your face in my wallet as well as made it my wallpaper , and I plan to keep it that way until the day I die. I would never, ever, replace you. Sure, people did come and try, but you’re the only one my heart wants." Gun says, rubbing his thumb across Tinn’s cheeks, and Tinn snuggles against the soft and warm touch. He nods his head, smiling, feeling pleased with Gun’s words. "I love you, too, Gun. You’re the only one for me, too." Gun giggles at the statement, mouthing Tinn a playful really? Tinn throws him an annoyed look and slaps his arm. "Really!"
The room goes silent for a moment, the two trying to recover from the sudden wave of emotions caused by confessions hidden deep in their hearts. "Actually, a lot of people tried flirting with me, but nothing really happened. I turned them down the moment they spoke. Albeit rude, it’s like my heart knew it was reserved for someone else." Tinn utters, sneaking in a quick sniff-kiss on Gun’s cheek, making Gun giggle. "Good job, doctor. It should be me and me only." Gun smiles widely, all of his teeth showing.
"About what I said... Can I learn more about your new stuff? I want to do them with you." Tinn shyly says, grabbing Gun’s hand to sway it with his. Gun enthusiastically nods, clearly looking forward to spending time with his boyfriend doing meaningful things. "I’ve got it listed, actually, I wanted to bring it up as soon as you were free." He admits, drawing out a shocked yet happy chuckle from Tinn. "How about you? Maybe things have changed, or you have something new to share with me too?" Gun suggests, wanting to get involved with Tinn’s life, which he has missed out on for a few years as well.
"Nothing’s really changed. I still play crossword, and it’s still you."
"You’re so cheesy!"
"But, yeah, it’s still you, too. Had always been. Will always be."