Chapter Text
Alistair had returned with the Wardens to Weisshaupt. Clarel was dead. So many more had been lost. Alistair sat in Elissa’s chair turning the letter over and over in his hands. He'd been back for days but could not bring himself to open the letter. He thought about all the reasons she might write him. Did she find this place and decide to leave him?
Alistair replayed every word they spoke and reviewed every action to find where it had changed. Had it changed? What had he done? “Well, open it already!” He said aloud. But what if its bad news? What if she doesn’t want to come back? Alistair opened the letter and began to read.
A-
I miss you more today than yesterday.
I miss your face.
I miss your voice.
I miss that confused look that you probably have right now.
I miss that silent chuckle you just let out as you realized I was right.
I miss the color rising in your cheeks.
I miss the way you lick your bottom lip.
I miss the way you touch my neck with your perfect thumb.
I miss your kisses all over my body.
I miss your skin on mine.
I miss your tongue on me.
I miss holding on to you.
I miss having you inside me.
I miss the sounds you make.
I miss reaching our peak together.
I miss falling asleep in your arms.
Turn the letter over for more, my love
Alistair fanned the letter a little before turning it over. “Maker’s Breath, Lis.” He said to no one. He turned the paper over and continued to read.
Al, the next time you don’t listen to me and do something completely stupid like jumping head first into a Fade rift, I will feed your little puppets to Max.
I love you, always.
“Hah! Oh, she is perfectly evil. That’s my girl.” It might be a good idea to hide my stuff just in case.
“This girl of yours, is she beautiful?” A soft voice asked.
“Lis?” Alistair looked on her face, a small smile spreading as she met his eyes. “You're really here.”
He quickly closed the distance between them and pulled her into his arms. “We need to hurry, if my love returns she can be really scary when she's angry.”
Elissa hugged him tightly and laughed. “I'm not that scary, Alistair.”
“I don’t know, perhaps it depends on what I may have done wrong. Right now, I don't care. Just let me stay here. Like this. For the record, my love, I didn't exactly 'jump' head first into the Fade. I fell.” His face contorted in a mask of pain and sadness. “Hawke is gone. He stayed behind. Lis, when will it end?”
Elissa sighed and sat down on the bed. “Alistair, we need to talk.”
Alistair's face fell. “Oh?”
“I love you, more than anything in all this world. You know that right?”
Alistair's heart raced. “No, I am not going through this again, Elissa. I will not sleep with someone else, I will not accept you leaving me, and I simply do not accept any future where you are not with me.”
Elissa grabbed his hand and pulled him to her. “No, that’s not what I am saying, I mean, not really. What if there was a way to remove the taint permanently? Would you do that? Could you leave the Wardens, because once this is done, you may not be allowed to remain.”
“Lis, I don't like where this is going.” He pushed away from her.
“I was afraid of this. I'm sorry, Alistair. I know what all of this means to you. If the taint is taken away, the Wardens may not-”
“No! That's not what I am talking about. All you keep saying is that I would be the one leaving, I would be the one without the taint in my blood. You haven't said 'we' once. So just get it over with. Tell me you are done with me and just . . . just go.” He turned away from her. Elissa could see his pain reflected in the way he held himself up.
“Alistair, listen to me. I am not leaving you. Maker's blood! Look at me!” He turned around. She watched as tears streamed down his face. “You don't know? Everything I have ever done is to keep you safe!” Elissa tried to keep her voice low and even, in spite of the fact that she was losing her composure. . “Remember Morrigan? I let her take you to bed. The night before we had to face the archdemon, I spent crying alone because she promised me you wouldn't die. She had your child, Alistair. Not me.”
“Lis, wait-” He tried to interrupt.
“No. Let me finish. I came here with you. I have stayed here with you while looking for a way to cure the taint. Why? Because I cannot sit idly by and watch this claim you. Now I have found a way to stop the taint from taking you away from me. Please, I am trying to make you understand what I learned. If we do this, you will no longer be a Warden. All we will be is ourselves. Is that enough for you? Could you give up being a Warden? You are one of the most dedicated and honorable men I have ever known. To ask you to give this up is difficult.”
“What If I were to say that I could not leave?” Alistair asked softly.
“Then we would remain. But I will continue to search. I will find a way, Alistair.” Elissa struggled to keep her voice even. She took several deep breaths and smiled. “So tell me about this Inquisition.”
Alistair simply stared. “No, I don’t think so.”
“Why not?”
“Let’s see, you return after Maker knows how long, I can see you have new injuries. You tell me you found a way to free us both and that I have to choose between leaving the Wardens or losing you to a search for something we may never find. I’m sorry it’s a little much to digest.”
“I should have realized what being a Warden meant to you. Perhaps you are the true hero, Al. I thought we could just stop and be together, but it would be wrong of me to take you away from what is so clearly a part of you.” Elissa moved to her armoire and replenished more items into her pack. Crossing the room she stopped in front of him, kissed him gently. “I’ll see you soon. I love you, always.”
Elissa grabbed her pack and left.
“Maker's blood!” Alistair stalked off after her. “Not this time!” Alistair grabbed Elissa by the waist and hoisted her over his shoulder.
“Alistair, put me down now!” She cried out.
“I can't hear you.” He carried her back to their quarters and slammed the door. He placed her on the end of the bed. “Now you are going to listen, not a word until I am done.”
Alistair paced back and forth waving his arms about. “You did not even give me a chance. You could have just done that – thing- where I agree to whatever you want. But, you didn't. You want me to make my own decision. Elissa nodded. “Fine. I will make a decision, but it is more than time to talk about Morrigan. I did what you asked for the same reason. I couldn't lose you. So if that meant Morrigan's bed was the way to guarantee that you walked away from that battle, I had to do it. I want nothing more than to make perfect little babies with you, have that idyllic life, and forget all of this. The problem here Elissa, is that you never asked me, you assumed what my answer would be. Your assumption is wrong. You want to leave? Fine. I'm going with you. Take me to this place you found. Lis, I would follow you naked and unarmed into the Deep Roads to prove how much you mean to me.”
Elissa held in a laugh.
“Ok, not naked. That's really stupid, even for me.”
“You are not stupid, Alistair.” Elissa said.
“I didn't say you could talk, yet. I'm not finished. Where was I?” Alistair asked.
“Naked and unarmed in the Deep Roads, apparently.” A laugh escaped her usual reserve. Alistair looked on his beloved, both their eyes slick with tears.
“To be gifted with such wit, Lis. You just aren't blessed like me.”
Elissa put her arms around his neck and held him tightly to her. “I'm so sorry, love.”
“All right, Lis. Tomorrow, we will set out for this place. We'll talk with whatever is there and then both decide what comes next.”
“Why not now?” Elissa asked pulling slightly away to see his face.
“Well, I realize that we did not have a proper hello when you arrived.” Alistair answered smiling.
“What is a proper hello, then?” Elissa teased.
“We're about to find out.”
____
When Alistair awoke. Elissa was gone. He panicked for a moment, until he saw her pack and weapons in the corner. The door to their chambers opened slowly and Elissa stepped inside. He watched her gently close the door in an attempt to let him sleep.
Alistair cleared his throat. He smiled as she turned to look at him. She was dressed in a simple blue shift, he recognized it as the one she often wore when she wanted to forget their obligations. He loved the color. It brought out the beautiful light in her eyes.
“What is that look all about?” Elissa asked. “You need to get up and dressed, please. We have quite a bit of land to traverse.” She sat on the bed and touched his hand. He took her hand in his and kissed her palm.
“You, my love, are even more beautiful today than yesterday.”
“Flatterer. But it won’t work. Get dressed now.” She admonished him for what she knew would be more distractions, as enticing as another day in bed together may be.
“Remember what I said about being scary? That was it, right there.” Alistair said with a wink.
“Al, now!”
“Yes, ma’am.” Alistair replied. Elissa laughed when she heard him mutter, “So bossy.”
___
Elissa had arranged for several Dracolisks, as they were far better suited to the terrain. This time she could travel swiftly as she knew their destination.
Alistair could see how tense Elissa was as they passed the Tevinter capital of Minrathous. We must be close. She hasn’t spoken in hours.
The coast line came into view and Elissa found the entrance.
“Inside is one of the Maker’s first children. She was trapped when the Maker tore the Fade away from the world. She can take the taint, but if she does, not only will she return to the Fade, but our spirits are bound in this life and the next. So I just want you to know that it’s all or nothing. Will you enter with me?”
Alistair took her face in his hands and spoke softly. “So, not only do I get to grow old with you, but even after, you will always be there? Will you promise me that, Lis?”
“Always, Alistair.”
Alistair grabbed Elissa’s hand and pulled her inside. “I’m ready. Let’s go.”