Archive of Our Own ^beta

“My name is Arisu Ryouhei. I’m twenty-two years old. You asked what sort of support system I have, and I’d say I’m lacking proper support - which is why my therapist recommended this group resort. I’ve been told I can be antisocial,” Arisu twists his hands together, fingers tangling as he surveys the room. “As you can see by my arm, my soulmate died. Six months ago,” 

“We have a few people here just like you, you’re among friends,” Arisu looks up at the kind smile and back down as a folded-up napkin is pressed towards him, he isn’t going to cry but it’s a touching gesture anyway. He grabs it. “As you might have heard from your therapist, my name is Doctor Mira Kano. Would everyone else like to introduce themselves to our newest attendee?” No one says much except their names but a few make a point of stating that they’re also attending due to a soulmate loss. 

“It’s an… indescribable kind of burning,” Asahi says, “you can imagine,” he doesn’t have to imagine, he knows it well. The kind of feeling equates to a boiling hot summer's day, rays of light burning your skin with no sunscreen to protect it, and then as if a hammer is being swung at your burns. The shattering of a bond formed from understanding, cutting you deep like shards of broken glass, it’s the kind of feeling that you never forget.

There was this sort of myth that it was a one-and-done kind of deal, you get one soulmate and if they die then tough luck. But it wasn’t like that, a soulmate was a bond not formed by fate but because the person you got near was a perfect match. Their personality and likes, appearance, a picture-perfect contrast to your own. For Arisu, this was very true. His last was a contrast, rough-natured personality to his own quieter, gentler one. 

“Chishiya Shuntarou. I never formed a soulmate bond,” Arisu’s eyes instantly shoot to Chishiya. He’s across the circle from him, half-turned away so Arisu can just see the brushing of light hair fanning his neck, peeking out from a white hood. He looks young, but old enough that he definitely should have gotten a mark by now. Arisu doesn’t think he’s ever heard of someone not forming one, even a platonic one.

“Does it bother you?” Arisu wants to clamp a hand over his mouth, it feels rude - it feels uncomfortable for him to blurt out such a personal question, and in front of several people but he’s so… curious.

“No,”  no? Was it a good thing to not have a soulmate? Maybe. Then you never lose them, you never experience that burning, and the deep feeling as if someone reached into your chest and ripped out your heart, a missing gap that can never be filled so it just tug, tug, tugs on your mind. 

Arisu once described it to his therapist as ‘always walking and stepping on your loose shoelace, but every time you tie it, it comes undone,’ you’re so aware your lace is undone, but it keeps coming loose anyway, tripping you until you give up and walk along, trying to avoid it.

“What does it feel like…” Arisu trails off, and Chishiya finally turns his head and meets his eyes, 

“Like nothing,” nothing. Arisu is envious all of a sudden, he wants to know what it feels like to experience nothing, something that never existed instead of this dark open wound festering in his stomach.

“I know there are a few people here whose soulmates passed away under two years ago, and a big symptom is feeling a lot of pain or excess energy from the bond as it doesn’t fully dissolve until after two years. So it helps a lot for you to talk about that,” Mira smiles at Arisu who nods slowly, “as you may already be aware, this is your home away from home. You will be staying here for the next month and a half, as you adjust to life - and deal with your separate problems. I know it may be stranger for our newer members to already be living with us, so please show patience and understanding toward them. Now, I will be assigning rooms,” 

Great . A group who have already been banding together for therapy sessions. They all know each other, their likes, dislikes, names, and affiliations. Arisu hasn’t been to a single group session, he was just instantly cast away on a therapy cruise ship. And of course, all paid for by his businessman of a brother. Younger brother.

“Arisu,” Arisu looks up, “I will put you with our newest member, before you, of course. He’s only been to four sessions, so you might have something in common. Since you’re both newbies. Chishiya,” Chishiya looks less than thrilled at the concept of rooming with someone, especially Arisu, but he nods anyway and pulls his hood further over his head. “Sorry, Chishiya is   very   antisocial, I think he might have a difficult life, be patient,” 

“We all struggle,” Arisu murmurs. From what he learned about his very minimal time with Chishiya, he seems to be very blunt, dislikes talking and constantly avoids people. No touching, no joking, nothing. He curls into himself, arms tucked into his sides, hands in his pockets and scans the area around him like he’s on constant high alert.

It must be exhausting.

-

“Don’t touch anything,” instead of those three words being a statement, they seem laced with aggregation - like it’s a threat. Arisu almost wants to ask, what are you going to do if I touch everything?  

But he also doesn’t want to piss off his new roommate five seconds into them living together.

Living. Together.

With strangers. This  stranger. For a month. Arisu hates Hajime so much at that moment, as he rolls in his suitcase. “So… did you come here to find some sort of peace?” Chishiya frowns and looks up at him, “Come to terms with not having someone out there who perfectly fits you,” and admittedly, Arisu could have worded it slightly better.

“I came for a reason,” Chishiya moves across the room and Arisu’s eyes follow him as he walks into his space, hands shoved into his pockets, “I came here… for this-“ his hands come free and Arisu freezes as one goes right past him and to the table on his left, “free cocktails,” he takes the drink and drags the straw into his mouth, and Arisu breathes,

“Free cocktails,” he states,

“All expenses paid to pretend to care about no one liking me,” Chishiya slurps loudly, “alcoholic,” 

“Are you old enough to drink, you look young,” 

“You look young,” he walks to his side of the room, throwing himself down on the bed. Arisu can’t believe he didn’t spill the entire drink down his front doing that. Chishiya turns on his side, plucking the umbrella out of his cocktail and staring. If looks could burn holes in your body, Arisu would be on fire right now. “What do you know about soulmates then?” 

“Huh?” Arisu whispers, 

“did you know how bad it is?” Arisu frowns as Chishiya’s eyes drift lower to his arm. Arisu throws up his hand, curling it around the black mark and looking away; There’s no point in trying to hide the mark on his arm because it’s far larger than the palm of his hand, instead, it looks like someone gave him a blacked-out tattoo sleeve. “If you sink any deeper you’ll die,” 

“What does that mean?” Arisu demands, Chishiya narrows his eyes, looking away and slurping his drink like he didn’t just tell Arisu he might be dying. Of course, Arisu  felt  it, like mold on old food, growing, festering. “What do I do?”

”you don’t know anything, do you?” Chishiya asks, “It’s a shame, they don’t teach it well enough in school but-“ he shrugs, “I guess that’s also why so many people choke to death - CPR isn’t taught well or often enough, sex education is severely lacking, it’s why most people have children when they’re still children, and soulmates end up hurting each other,” 

“a lot of people’s soulmates die,” Arisu says, “that doesn’t mean you die. It doesn’t work like that,”

”Depends,” Chishiya holds out the cocktail, “it’s good. Want some?” Arisu just glares, “you must have been  extremely close . I’m guessing, childhood best friends?’ Arisu’s face instantly goes pink, whether it’s sadness, rage, or embarrassment, who can tell? “And you must have something to do with the death, am I closer?”

”Watch your mouth,” Arisu whispers, “you don’t get to talk to me about it,” and he walks to his side of the room and flips into the bed, turning his back to Chishiya and curling up.

”The more guilty you are, the faster it’ll spread, and the more danger you’ll be in. It’s  guilt  that is killing you,” Chishiya goes quiet after that, leaving Arisu to curl up, pushing his fists under his cheek, and closing his eyes. 

Arisu dreams a lot, he gets nightmares even more often than that. You’d think his least favourite would be the realistic ones, dreams that cross over into memories and reality, so visceral that you feel as though you’ve been transported back in time, watching a horrifying moment over and over. They aren’t his least favourite kinds of dreams, not by a long shot. 

His least favourite are the dark ones, like lost in a pitch-black room with no light, and something chasing you - the same feeling you get when struck with severe anxiety when cowering against a wall, arms up to shield yourself. He hates dreams where he can’t see the horrors in front of him. He hates hearing things even more, like sounds of broken glass in the darkness, a startled yell, and a lurch forward. Even  worse ,   good  dreams. Nice memories that remind him he’s so alone now. He ruined his one chance at real happiness and got his best friend’s killed. 

Arisu never violently wakes up from nightmares, even his Father believed he was taking their deaths better than he actually was; because he woke up so slowly and quietly that you couldn’t tell he’d been trapped in darkness all night. 

He opens his eyes, exhaustion settling into his bones, his arm throbbing as he pushes the blanket off of himself. “You missed orientation,” Chishiya says, making him jump. He just seems to appear out of thin air, silent. “I just said you were wallowing in your self-pity and she said that was fine, it’s your vacation after all, spend the whole time pity partying,”

“Don’t be an asshole,” Arisu mutters, he wished he had the energy to laugh at the way Chishiya’s eyebrows raise at the foul language. “Why don’t you spend your vacation drinking cocktails and leaving me alone, it’ll be good for your soul,” 

“bothering you is my vacation,” he sips on something, neon green and pulls the lime off of the side of the glass, slotting it between his lips,

”some of us don’t want to be here,” Arisu says, “some of us are here because this is our last chance,” 

“going to top yourself?” Chishiya asks, muffled around his lime. Arisu gets up, snatching up his clothes and nudging past him, only for Chishiya to catch his arm, fingers wrapping around the black mark, and other hand slipping the lime out from between his lips, “if you want to live, you have to do something about it,” he taps the mark and Arisu stares at him, not daring to move. “It hurts, doesn’t it,”

”you know a lot for someone who doesn’t have one,” Arisu points out,

”I’m a doctor. What did it look like?’ He looks down at the mark, pulling at the taunt skin, “it feels like cow skin,” he mumbles and Arisu blinks slowly, “was it colourful?”

”like a beach,” Arisu says, “under sunlight, bright oranges and yellows. It fits well. Your skin must look so smooth and undisturbed,” Chishiya hums and lets go of him, “so, it’ll keep spreading and kill me if I don’t- what?  Move on?  It’s been six months, not six years, not six lifetimes ,”

”It’s not about moving on, think with your head,” Chishiya walks away from him and out the open door of their cabin, and it just occurred to Arisu that he’s wearing sandals, and a swimsuit and his eyes look down and find a similar one laid out on the bottom of his bed. A month of this . 

-

“You’re sitting all on your lonesome,” Arisu, having heard the approach of footsteps doesn’t flinch this time, he looks up slowly, smiling. “You don’t have to smile,” Mira says and his mouth slowly curls back down, “something on your mind? This is still therapy, after all,”

”I don’t think this is for me,” Arisu admits, “therapy - group, sitting on a boat in the middle of the ocean and pretending like everything is okay,” he looks around at everyone dancing, laughing, the blasting music, the alcohol, half-dressed. “It’s not for me,”

”maybe pretending for a little while isn’t such a bad thing. Dwelling on it makes everything so much darker,” she says, “constantly reminding yourself that things aren’t okay right now, won’t make them okay,” 

“constantly pretending like things  are  okay, won’t make them okay,” he replies, and she smiles widely at him, amusement dancing across her eyes. “Chishiya told me I’m sick, is that true? What do you know about soulmate-related injuries?”

”Ah… not much,” Mira says, “just my own,” she takes off her glove, black leather slipping off of her arm and fingers and revealing the darkened mark beneath, splattered with a tinge of red, like paint from a paint can hitting her as she rolls a brush up a wall. “You want to know how to stop it, do you want the real answer - the absolute truth and fact, or do you want the lie?’

”The truth,”

”do you want the truth?” She asks again, “Will you be okay with it, or will you deny it as the truth?” He looks away, “I stopped mine from spreading by creating the group for the rest of you. Let me tell you about a patient I had, his soulmate left him,” Arisu blinks and looks back at her, “and then died. You only see cases of people becoming very sick if your bond is extremely strong, the force of the snap can cause health problems,” Arisu shifts in his seat, pressing his fingers into his bare arm, 

“He started to wilt away like a flower on a window, with no water,” she sighs, “one day someone moved in, across from his father’s cafe and opened a flower shop. So, to be a good neighbour, he went over there and bought a single cactus. He took it home, he looked after it. It thrived. Suddenly, he started to feel better, then the plant died. So he went and he bought another, this time, a dandelion - it thrived, he thrived, it died, and he started to feel worse again. He bought another, and another, and then suddenly he was becoming quite the plant expert. He would show me books about them,”

Arisu almost smiles, “One day - his plant died again, he decided he would buy a few more in a couple of weeks, he’d just have to hold out until then. But he never got sick waiting for his paycheck, he knew he would buy another plant, so his mark went away,” 

“I don’t understand,” Arisu admits,

” It’s not moving on, forgetting, or love that fixes it. The only thing that fixes it is a purpose,” she answers, “your purpose could be work-related, family-related, love-related, or self-introspection. It could be almost anything, so long as you feel like you have to keep going, he had to buy new plants in a couple of weeks, not just one, but several, and create a small collection. He wanted to open an observatory and keep plants, butterflies, and even bees. Arisu, you won’t get better until you find a reason to get better,”

”  That’s  my answer. I have to… find the meaning of life?” He hates that it makes so much sense, but still feels equally awful to hear. “What if I don’t have one? What if I’m useless,” 

“do you need to be useful to water a plant?” Mira asks,

”plant care is very time-consuming and difficult,” he replies, “my mother always kept a lot, it was difficult to maintain them. It’s not a good example,” he looks away again and Mira pulls her glove back in, “what if  they  were my meaning? What if   he   was my meaning, then what?” 

“I won’t let you waste away, okay?” She reaches out, gloved hand gently patting the side of his head as she stands up, dusting off her dress and grinning, “Go have fun, that’s your assignment,” 

Arisu has never really been good at assignments, always the type of student to finish something the night before. To do his homework on the way to class, to miss class entirely due to sleeping in. His father always insisted he tries harder, and show some form of independence and responsibility.   My eldest acting like my youngest,   he’d state. 

Arisu almost got there too. Picking himself up after his mother passed, only for his best friends to knock him back down. Not that he blamed them, no. He blamed himself.

”Hi, Arisu. Do you want to come party a little?” Asahi asks, she is that sweet girl from the group - someone that spoke up about soulmate loss. Her best friend and soulmate Momoka died recently. Just like Arisu. And she also sports a blackened soulmate mark, a large black ink blot across her thigh, shining in the light as she dances in her bathing suit. 

“It’s my assignment,” Arisu admits and Asahi holds out her hands, trapping her fingers with his and pulling Arisu into the circle of dancing people. He pushes down the awkward, crawling feeling in his stomach as he sways with them, and fights off any guilt that arises. He even goes as far as to get a lime green drink, sipping it.   Huh, Chishiya is right. It’s good.   He sticks the lime between his teeth, rubbing it, and downs the shot, licking off the sprinkle of salt. 

It’s really good.   This is  good .   He looks around at the other group members bouncing up and down, laughing, and leaning on each other, two people even kiss despite their circumstances. Still, no Chishiya, even if Arisu saw him walk out of the room. Where is he? The better question is, what kind of person is his roommate? A bad one? Or just an asshole.

In the medical field, apparently. But Arisu has met his fair share of awful, horrible doctors.   Come on - have fun, smile. Your family wants you to smile. Your friends wanted you to smile.   He forces a little smile on his lips and downs another shot, neon orange this time. It’s good.

”Drunk?” Arisu blinks and looks up, Chishiya is sprawled on his side of the room, legs crossed and magazine in his hands, peaking up over the ink, “If you throw up I will not clean it, and if it comes on my side, I’ll make you lick it up,” 

“I’m not  that  drunk,” Arisu mutters, collapsing onto his bed, “I had three shots, not fifteen,” 

“Good alcohol tolerance. Your mental health must be  perfect ,” Chishiya drawls. Arisu rolls onto his stomach, burying his face into the pillow and starving away the floaty, spinning feeling in his head and body. “Enjoying your vacation?”

”Mh,” 

“What do you think about the people here? Mira as a doctor, is she to your liking?’

“Who are you, the health inspector?” Arisu mutters, rolling onto his side, “She’s fine. Good . Way better than any other doctor I’ve seen, and  trust me , I have seen some doctors in these last sixth months. The people here are kind, struggling. But I can tell they’re all good people,”

”Maybe,” Chishiya goes back to his magazine and Arisu half sits up, dragging his lips against his palm, 

“what about you?” He asks, and Chishiya sighs and looks up, Arisu blows the strands of hair from his eyes, and leans heavier on his palm, squashing his cheek into it, “Are you a good person, Chishiya?” 

“there’s no such thing as a good person,” Arisu hums and flops onto his back again, holding up his hand to the ceiling, “did you get spiked?” 

”Hm?   No  … just thinking,” Arisu mumbles back, “does everything happen for a reason, or do things just  happen . A complete randomized chance like rolling a die, and it just so happens I keep rolling and getting snake eyes,” 

“some people have luck following them like a cloud their whole life. Others? Not so lucky,” 

“Are you lucky or unlucky, Chishiya?” Arisu asks,

”ask me that  after  our cruise and you might get a more concrete answer,” he mutters back, “sleep off your shots. You look like you’ve been dragged through a bush backward,” Arisu hums and closes his eyes, arms stretching far above his head, shirt riding up. He could get used to cruise life, he thinks. Or maybe not.

No, he can’t get used to cruise life. Not when he’s woken up at 8 am for their first cruise group session, and he stumbles half-dressed, clothes crinkled head to toe out of their room. The pounding at the base of his skull leaves him dizzy, disoriented.“Here,” someone hands him a coffee and he quietly mumbles his thanks and takes a long sip. 

“Any improvements on your conditions, those whose soulmates passed?” Mira asks gently, so far - No. Arisu is surprised by that, to find he’s not the only one wasting away in a bubble of self-hatred, withering like the flower he is. Like sweet, bright fruit left in the sun to decay, mold, and become useless. “That’s okay, it’s a work in progress. Chishiya, did you do your assignment?” Arisu almost chokes on his coffee.

It makes sense. Of course, they  all  have homework. It’s  group . Chishiya just hums, “I’m very proud you held a conversation for more than three minutes, thank you,” everyone looks ready to clap but Chishiya sends them a cold look and the hands fall.   Chishiya’s homework was really human interaction too?   Arisu shakes his head and freezes when he sees Mira’s eyes on him, and everyone else looking,

”Yes…” he guesses, and she smiles, 

“I’m glad you had fun,” and turns back to the others. Oh. He guesses he  did  have fun, whatever fun meant these days. But when this is all over, won’t they just waste away again? Go back to their sad lives in their sad rooms in the dark. Cocktails and talking about feelings won’t  actually  change anything. Or bring anyone back. Arisu messes with his coffee lid and looks to the ocean. Swaying bright blue waters rocked the ship, lulling him into a false sense of security, the wind blowing through his shirt, nursing his hangover. It’s  peaceful .

“Maybe alcoholism is the problem-solver since it doesn’t look so red and angry,” Arisu opens his eyes, fluttering them against the beaming sun to see Chishiya standing there with a cocktail, gesturing to Arisu’s soul mark.

“Are you sure you’re not an alcoholic?” Arisu challenges and Chishiya raises the glass,

” It’s mostly orange juice, want some?” He shakes the glass mockingly in his face and Arisu scowls and leans forward, lips wrapping the straw, Chishiya just stares as he takes a long drink, draining half of the glass,

”Thank you,” Arisu smiles and Chishiya glances down at the glass. It’s so funny that Arisu starts laughing at him, when was the last time he laughed? Who knows. But he does know that the serious and cold look Chishiya always has across his face is surprisingly amusing to him. Especially when he sees that mask drop for a moment. 

“Want to share?” He gestures to the coffee cup, when he moves Arisu holds up a foot, flip flop pressing into Chishiya’s stomach, “That’s nasty,” 

“you’re nasty, don’t touch my coffee,” he pushes him back and Chishiya grabs his ankle for a second and then walks away, “ Stupid - wait…   Chishiya!  ” He calls, as he disappears. Great. He looks down at his barefoot and sighs, “Did he just steal my flip-flop? So  childish ,” but he still sits back and snorts to himself over the situation, slipping off his other flip-flop. Guess he’s going barefoot for a little while. 

He tucks his legs up and rubs a hand over his mark. True. It hadn’t been hurting as bad today. He smiles to himself and takes a long sip of his coffee, leaning his head back and taking in the sun.

”You should probably wake up before it gets too late, and you’ve spilled coffee on yourself,” Arisu frowns and blinks open his eyes. Oh. The deck has gone almost entirely silent, darkened by the clouds and sky turning black. “Go to bed, kid,” the man says and walks off, a stark black mark glinting in the light on his neck as he does. Arisu sighs loudly, rubbing the sleep out of his eyes and dropping his cup into the disposal on his way back.

He sneaks into the room, shutting the door and peaking through the darkness of the room. Chishiya is curled up on his side just as a cub would, hiding in a cave. His arms and wrists curled under his chin. Arisu climbs into his bed and nods to himself. In the morning, he’ll find his flip-flop. He closes his eyes and the next time they open it’s to the bright light shining through open curtains, directly blinding him.

And an empty room. He can’t hear a shower, or running water. He’s gone. Eagerly, Arisu leaps up and runs to Chishiya’s side of the room, instantly sticking his hands under the bed. “Duffle-bag, score!” He whispers and drags it out, “What kinds of secrets does the great untouchable Chishiya have hidden under the bed. Don’t just be underwear,” he unzips it with a smirk. Clothes.

He groans in disappointment but then brightens up at the peaking of neon green. “You’re so childish,” he pushes the shirts out of the way and grabs his flip-flop.   Paper? Pictures!   “Tell me it’s a bad office photo,” he begs the universe as he turns the paper over, “documents, boring,” he pulls out more of the clothes, “document, document -   legal document…   nope, boring- ooh, hospital badge,” he looks at the picture, it’s decent. Sigh. Then the badge attached to it, “Huh?” He turns it over, fingers grazing against the shiny metal, “oh?”

He looks over his shoulder quickly to make sure he's still alone and reaches down into the bag, “breaking rules. So  bad ,” Arisu says as he grabs the phone tucked at the bottom. One of their main conditions  is no  cell phones. He flicks it open and pauses, it’s empty save for a few names in the contacts. And many, many messages dating to two weeks before the cruise.   Before   Arisu even joined group. Dating right up until last night. 

“Roommate is sick, his soulmate died. It seems like ninety percent of the group have deceased soulmates who all died under two years ago, so their bonds are still extremely fresh and painful. No idea what the plan for them is, but it doesn’t look innocent to me. Mira has shown considerable interest in myself and Arisu Ryouhei, as well as several other group members. Mostly, four of us,”  

“What is this…” Arisu whispers, he turns over a notebook, up-clipping it-   notes? “My name is Arisu Ryouhei. I’m twenty-two years old. You asked what sort of support system I have, and I’d say I’m lacking proper support - which is why my therapist recommended this group resort. I’ve been told I can be antisocial. As you can see by my arm, my soulmate died. Six months ago.”  

“Session notes, this is what we said,” Arisu frowns, “word for word- is he recording us?” This feels bad. Arisu quickly starts stuffing things back in but there’s not too much he  can  do. Someone like Chishiya would notice instantly that his stuff wasn’t perfectly sorted, exactly how it was before. And Arisu hadn’t been memorizing any placements. So he leaves it half-splayed on the floor and sits on Chishiya’s bed. “Power move, Arisu. You have him by the balls right now, just control the situation,” he whispers.

The door clicks open and Arisu tenses up, the second he sees the light-coloured hair- “ Why are you a pervert?”   He blurts out, and Chishiya pauses, hand on the door handle, “Don’t even think about running. Recording us, really?” He crosses his arms, “And I found my flipflop too,” Chishiya looks ready to curse. He shuts the door quickly and locks it. Mh, Arisu doesn’t quite like that. “I can fight,” he warns,

”Bet you can. You made a mess. How much do you understand about what you found?” Chishiya strolls over to him, crossing his arms, “I did say don’t go through my things. It’s private,”

”you want to talk privacy when you’ve been writing stuff down about us, you wrote down my entire introduction speech,” Arisu raises his eyebrows, “your memory can’t be that perfect. Recording, it’s illegal you know,”

”I have a feeling I’ll be let off with a slap on the wrist. This is good news. Now, you can help me,” Chishiya says and Arisu pauses, “I think there’s a reason she put together the entire group the way she did. How she shipped us away in the middle of nowhere,”

”Oh, so you’re one of those bomb-shelter people,” Arisu says, 

”No. I’m  undercover ,   obviously ,” Chishiya drawls, picking up the metal badge, “friend of a friend knows I never got a soulmate mark, that I likely never will because I hate people. Naturally, they asked me to attend therapy with you. And also, to attend this free,   all expenses paid , cruise. I’m being paid to figure out what she wants to do with you, I’m like a private detective right now,”

”private detective is just another word for super nosy,” Arisu points out, “you can’t honestly think a   doctor  has some nefarious reasoning for this. She’s a great doctor,” Chishiya just holds up his badge,

”I didn’t even know the woman. It was the FBI that contacted  me  about her. The professionals find this fishy,” he points out, “I could care less if she sacrifices you on an altar in the next three weeks. This is a fun puzzle,” Arisu clamps his teeth over his bottom lip and glances down at the documents, then the badge. It’s real. It’s real. He ducks his head down and runs his hands through his hair,

”this sounds insane, you know that, right?” He scratches into his scalp for a second and sits back up, “what’s the plan?”

”  you’re  insane,” Chishiya counters, “let’s cooperate, enemy of my enemy. And clean up your mess  now,  ” and suddenly Arisu is feeling a bit like a scorned child. “And play it cool, don’t you dare get caught sneaking around,”

”says you - who got caught three days into your investigation,” Arisu argues, “over a  flipflop ,” he holds it up, waving it and Chishiya budges past him, leaning over into his space to grab some of the clothes from the bag,

“clean it up,” and he slams the bathroom door behind him. Arisu sighs and sits on the floor,

”you’re just angry that you suck at being undercover,” he says, shoving the things back in the bag. He grabs the book and rips out the page with his own words on, and crumples it up, “You can ask if you need something from me,   asshole ,” 

-

“Her favourite patients are myself, a man named Aguni, the girl named Asahi, and you,” 

“Me?” Arisu points at himself, “Why me? I’m not special. To be honest, neither is Asahi or the man Aguni, they just have deceased soulmates is all. It’s not like we’re different,” he says, “ You’re  different to the rest of us,”

”While that is true and you’re not special at all,”   okay ouch,   “favourite could indicate personality, or something else. It might be that we four seem like the best choice for whatever she has planned. I don’t think it will be as serious or nefarious as murder, but maybe a violation of human rights or nature,”   violation of nature? 

“Are you insinuating she might -   what ? Mess with our marks?” Arisu runs his fingers over the black patch, pressing his fingertips into it, “because human experimentation taking place on a cruise ship in the middle of the ocean, by our psychiatrist seems ridiculous and like a cringey plot to a bad movie,” he points out, “not to mention it sounds-“

”impossible?’ Chishiya looks at him, “Does it sound impossible… or does it sound   improbable  ?” Arisu pauses, drawing his knees to his chest and looking at the scattered documents on the floor, “I’m not a professional. Obviously. I work in medicine, but a friend of mine is dating an FBI analyst, I must have come up in conversation, she likes to constantly bring me up,”   bring up my very soulmate-less status, more like.  

“The slots were filling up quickly. I only got in because of money,” Arisu admits, “you were right before me, I guess they knew sneaking in undercover would be extremely difficult, unless their circumstances were unique and desirable to the cause,” he drags his thumb over his bottom lip, staring up at the ceiling, “what made them so suspicious of her?”

”Probably her overwhelming glowing reviews of how they went to her and weeks later were completely new happy-go-lucky people. And no one goes as far as to hire an entire cruise ship just so her patients can  hang out and relax,   what a ridiculous concept and excuse. I could see this from a mile away,” Chishiya says, “I’d never have come here blind,”

”Well, I’ve not done a lot of therapy. How am I supposed to know what it’s like,” Arisu sighs,

“Hm. Blame yourself but only slightly. She’s using very weak people right now, their sadness and vulnerabilities are being extorted,” Chishiya points out, “you couldn’t get away with this if the group were more stable. But you’re all antisocial and one pulled thread away from becoming unraveled,”

“So are you,” Arisu points out, ‘they probably chose you not only because you’re unique, but because you fit in with us very well. No one suspects anything, and neither did I. But you should lock your stuff somewhere more secure,”

”No need,” Chishiya slots something between his fingers and turns it around, “our room has a keycard,’

” Why don’t I have a keycard?’ Arisu asks and another appears, hiding behind Chishiya’s under his fingertips, “you’re such an asshole,” he says as Chishiya hands him the card, “you’ve had it this whole time? I’ve had to sprint here the last three days before lights out. We can leave our rooms?” Chishiya hums,

“it’d be seen as suspicious,” 

“I assume your patients wandering around in the dark when they should be asleep would be a cause for concern,” Arisu agrees, “at least I won’t have to run back here before lights out,” and he sends him a glare,

”Either way, lock the door every time you leave. I don’t want anyone getting in here,” Arisu nods, watching as Chishiya stands up stretching his arms above his head, and Arisu quickly averts his eyes back down to the scattered documents, fingers rubbing over his mark. “When did you get it?” Arisu hums and looks up, following Chishiya’s eyes back down to his arm,

”When I was eight,”

”Young,” Chishiya steps over him, leaning down and pressing a finger into the mark, watching it turn lighter and fade back to black when he lets go, “want to see a trick?” Arisu does  not  like Chishiya’s idea of a   trick  or  something cool  because usually, it seems to be nothing but trouble. He’s too curious, however, and he nods. “Small pinch,” he warns before digging his fingernails hard into the mark, Arisu yelps and pulls his arm away and Chishiya quickly shakes his own,

”Look,” he holds up his fingers, red-irritated like he’d run them under a hot sink for several minutes. “It doesn’t appreciate me messing with your mark, so it’ll burn me,” 

“You're acting like it’s sentient,” Arisu rubs his mark,

”Not quite.   Sensitive,   is a better word. I can scratch your bare skin but not the mark directly, not until it fades in two years,” and for some reason, the reminder that it won’t always be there is a cold one. Fading, dying, sinking back into nothingness just like his friends. Nothing ever remains, he supposes.

“But you never got one, why? Because you hate people? you can’t hate every single person on the planet, you have friends,” he gestures to Chishiya’s phone, 

“I just avoid people like they’re plague-ridden,”

”How is that working out for you, group therapy?” Arisu teases and Chishiya rolls his eyes and walks into the bathroom, shutting the door behind him. “Vacation,” he breathes quietly, “I’ll never let Hajime live this down. Sending me away to a possible murder cult,“ he mumbles, “and he says I need help,” with a scoff he rolls onto his stomach, propping his chin up on his hands and looking down at the information, “did we just become undercover cops out of nowhere?”

”you’re not an undercover cop, so shrink your head,” Chishiya points out, head sticking out from the bathroom, 

“neither are you, unqualified,” Arisu answers, Chishiya walks out, throwing down his clothes, “are you seriously that cold?” He asks, “I’m boiling,” he shakes the collar of his shirt, and Chishiya pulls his sleeves over his hands and shrugs, “You’re always hiding under a hood, I never get to see you,”

”you want to see me?” Chishiya lifts his head high, brushing the hair out of his face and tucking it into his hood, “good?” Arisu turns red and glares at him, standing up and gathering a change of clothes, he looks like a rabbit in a stew, with his hair tucked behind his ears, hood framing his face round, tucked into the shadows. 

“You need to spend more time on the deck. Not just to be around other patients, but you’re too pale,” Arisu points out, walking past and into the bathroom just in time for Chishiya to retort, 

“so are you,” they need to tan together or something.   Is it weird to tan with your roommate? - who am I kidding, asking if it’s weird  is  the weird part. 

- 

“I guess, to sum up how I’m feeling lately… well, I remembered that it’ll fade,” Arisu points to his arm, “overtime just decay like a body. It reminded me that he’s in the ground right now, it’s a weird feeling,” he admits slowly, “remember that they’re buried. Not just dead, but actually, under,” he breathes out slowly, running his fingertips over the mark, “I’m coping with it badly, I guess,”

”No, coping with it badly would be getting wasted every second of every day and punching everyone around you,” someone points out with a smile, Arisu smiles back. “I’d say you’re doing fine,” and everyone hums in agreement,

”Chishiya, how are you?” Mira asks, always the one to push and pull him. Chishiya breathes in deeply, messing with his sleeves,

” Being a workaholic, working in an unstable and very depressing environment - whilst having emotionally unavailable parents causing you to become emotionally unavailable makes creating bonds impossible,” Chishiya states,

”impossible or Improbable?” Arisu smiles at him and Chishiya stares back, eyebrow going up in - dare he think -  amusement?  “You’re not incapable of creating bonds, be it friendship, enemy-ship. Even basic bonds, so why would a platonic mark or even romantic mark be completely out of the question, just because you struggling to show emotions,”

”I don’t struggle to show anything, I struggle to feel what I’m supposed to,” Chishiya answers, “and it doesn’t bother me,”

”why aren’t you bothered?” Mira asks, “Could it be less about a lack of empathy or emotional unavailability and more like depression?” Chishiya stares at her slowly, “Are you sure you’re an unfeeling monster, or are you just depressed?” Arisu looks at him next, 

“Should I try to do something monstrous to check?” Chishiya asks, and Arisu runs a hand over his face, feeling the swell of frustration. Talking to Chishiya is like trying to argue with a child. Their mind is already made up, and they’re not listening, just babbling their view over and over and screaming. Though he’s a lot quieter than a typical child, he’s just as disagreeable as one. 

But he’s also  definitely  up to something, it’s not like Chishiya to  share  his innermost thoughts or problems. “How is everyone getting along with their roommates, anyway?” Mira smiles slowly, the conversation slowly moves away from them, but Chishiya just keeps staring and so Arisu  has  to stare back. Chishiya’s arms slowly come up and cross, leg following, left knee on top of his thigh, head tilted to the side.

Arisu copies, crossing his arms and tilting his head. Chishiya just  stares, unblinking. Is this a staring contest? He’s so childish-   Arisu slowly narrows his eyes and stares back, not blinking. They stare and stare until Arisu’s eyes go from burning to not hurting at all, numbing to the air. His vision slowly blurs Chishiya, moving him back and forth. I look at computers all day, there’s no way I won’t win. 

Chishiya’s cheek twitches, either it’s the dryness in his eyes or amusement threatening to break the contest. Arisu’s eyes twitch and flutter and he swears quietly to himself as Chishiya blinks slowly, mockingly, fluttering his eyelashes and looking away to Mira, like he’d been listening the whole time. 

-

“They have refreshments,” Chishiya mumbles around a biscuit, Arisu rolls his eyes and grabs a cup, some plastic thing with juice in it. Non-alcoholic. “Biscuit,” he holds up the offered food and moves it back long before Arisu can even think to take it, he pops it into his mouth and Arisu crosses his arms,

”What’s your plan?” And Chishiya’s mouth twitches,

” The best plan is no plan. Going with the flow, and figuring out everything you need to as it comes into view. Quick, strategic thinking. And waiting,”

”I hate the concept of waiting for her to do something bad,” Arisu mutters, “people could get hurt while you wait,”

”don’t care,” Chishiya loudly snaps off another chunk of biscuit.  Well, I do.  Arisu thinks to himself, “If you’re considering going rogue to investigate entirely alone, and preventing anything from happening, good luck sticking her with a criminal charge when she’s stopped from doing anything criminal within our sights,”

”I don’t want her to commit crimes!” Arisu whisper-yells,

” If you don’t, we have no proof,” Chishiya shrugs, “it’s up to you,”  fuck.  Arisu grips the cup and takes a gulp, looking around, “she seems very pleased we’re getting along, so smile like I’m charming you,”

”you couldn’t charm a fish on land if you gave it a bowl of water,” Arisu says, looking away when Chishiya raises an eyebrow at him, “we’re standing close, that’s enough,” 

“You’re tense. You have an absolute inability to play it cool, don’t you? You’re acting like you’re up to something,” Chishiya warns. Arisu breathes in, he’s right for once,  unfortunately . Arisu turns to him and leans close, Chishiya pauses, the biscuit hanging out of his mouth as Arisu bites it. Half of the biscuit ends up on the floor, some in Arisu’s mouth and some in Chishiya’s, then he walks away. 

“Hi, Arisu- is  he  okay?” Asahi looks over his shoulder and Arisu doesn’t risk looking at Chishiya,

”Hm? He’s fine,” he holds up his drink and bows his head slightly, “how are you? Are your sessions working for you yet? I don’t feel that different,”  just tell the truth. 

“Not really, I think I’ve already accepted there’s no coming back from this,” Asahi smiles slowly, “I’m just going to do what I’m doing, if I leave this place then that’s okay. If I don’t, that’s okay too,” 

“I think I have to make it… make sense in my head. I can’t do that if I give in, though I tried to give in a few times,” he admits slowly, he puts down his empty cup and wraps his fingers around his mark, “I didn’t eat for four whole days, then it got too painful,” 

“I’m sorry you’re still not feeling any better. Some people are treatment resistant,” 

“Treatment-resistant?” He asks,

”like Aguni and Chishiya, me, you. We’re treatment-resistant,”  the four of us?! That can’t be a coincidence.  “It means no matter what she does, we won’t get better,” she admits, “Aguni is too lost in his rage and sadness, he had to kill his soulmate in self-defense,”  a soulmate attacking another? That’s kind of rare. 

That’s really, really rare. Actually.

“and my Momoka chose to leave this place,” Asahi sighs slowly, “I could never pull away from those feelings she sent me before she died,” she admits slowly, “it came through the bond and never went away,”  that’s also very rare.

“Then there’s Chishiya… he’s so distant and antisocial, it makes sense he’d never get a bond but in saying that, it’s not like he’s alone all of the time. His whole life. I’m sure at some point he was a very happy excitable child, it’s almost impossible not to get any sort of bond. Even platonic, because not everyone experiences romance or love,” she pauses, “it’s really   strange,” 

“and me…” Asahi shakes her head,

”you haven’t said much about why you’re treatment-resistant, all I know is therapy and medication aren’t working. And your mark seems to be spreading at a very rapid rate. Do you know why you could be resistant?” Arisu pauses,

” Maybe because I lost two at the same time in the same second?” Asahi frowns, “my platonic and romantic both died, that’s why the mark is so big, the marks overlapped,” he admits, running his hands over the black ink, “no one else but Mira knows that, I didn’t want everyone to look at me like…”

”you’re very lucky to be alive,” she breathes,

”I’ve been told,” he admits quietly, “very  very  lucky…”

“Arisu Ryouhei?” 

Arisu opens his eyes slowly, blinking up at a white ceiling as someone flashes something bright in his left eye, then his right. “He’s alive,” Arisu squeezes his eyes shut and his stomach lurches as he’s moved, an intense burning feeling shoots up his arm and he throws himself up, retching   over the side of the bed.

Someone shoves something under his chin and he throws up into it. “We have two broken ribs, a fractured wrist, a concussion, and two broken bonds,”

”two? Fuck, is he even salvageable?”

” Probably not but we have to try. The two he came in with were romantic and platonic, bonds overlapping so it’s likely they all grew up together. The marks are festering already,” 

“Do you remember what happened?” Someone asks and Arisu shoves him away and retches again. They have to stop crowding around him- he shoves the next person who gets too close as hard as possible, “Hey!”

”backup he’s not well!” Someone else yells. Fuck are there a lot of people in his room or is he just confused and seeing double? He blinks his eyes and his head spins, arms throbbing in pain as his vision blurs more and more-

“he’s passing out-!” Someone drags the thing out from under his chin before he can face planting his bucket of vomit, eyes rolling back, almost falling out of the bed before arms grab him and push him back, “Lay him down-“ 

“is he going to be okay-“

”you can’t be in here-“

”I was really, really sick for a month,” Arisu says, “it was touch and go for a long while. I had a will made,” he runs his fingers up and down the black like it might soothe the deep muscle ache. “I guess you could say my circumstances are unique, too,” 

“that must be why Mira tries so hard with us,” and Arisu blinks at her, “Of course I noticed. She’s always trying to get us four to speak during group, especially you and Chishiya. But you’re both quiet or at least vague,” Arisu nods, “but you seem to be getting along with Chishiya,” 

Arisu pauses and looks back over to where he remembers leaving Chishiya. He’s still standing in the same spot, but he has a cocktail now, stirring it slowly with the umbrella and looking right at him, “I think he’s going to smother me in my sleep,” Arisu mutters, making Asahi laugh. 

-

Arisu barely resists looking at Chishiya after their next group session, when Mira turns to him and says “Arisu, could you stay behind after the session today?”  Will I be tortured to death? Told off? Worse? 

Chishiya walks out, per usual, but Arisu can’t deny that out of the corner of his eye, he looks interested, slowing his walk until he slowly shuts the doors behind him. “Is everything okay?” Arisu asks, then wants to slap himself for doing so.  Of course, everything is okay why assume it’s not?  Mira laughs kindly and drags her chair closer, hands crossing in front of him, gloves pressing together,

”how are you?” She asks and he just nods, “You’re not being entirely truthful,” she looks down at his arm and he slips his hand over it, “is it causing some pain, more than usual?” He looks away, “okay…” she whisperers, “I do have these for you. I want you to keep on with the anti-anxiety medication, and use these,” he takes the offered items, looking down at them with a frown, “it’s a painkiller, and a cream,” 

“thank you,” he says, turning over the cream,

“Use it when your skin gets very sore, it’ll help some. It’s almost like a burn ointment in a way…” she smiles, “you should be honest, it could serve as important to your treatment. I’d like to know if it gets much worse,” 

“it’s… not the best. I want to wear sleeves and hide it but the fabric touching my skin is painful,” he admits, “Chishiya has probably noticed I toss and turn in the night a lot, when I sleep I sleep deeply. It’s hard to wake me up, I still feel tired in the morning. And I get nightmares - you already know that,”

”the black nightmares,” she says, “it’s nothing but darkness and the feeling of fear, yes?” He nods, “Hm, you’ve mentioned you dislike it more than visual dreams. It’s likely more… a memory,” he looks up at her and back down at his arm, “It was a little dark wasn’t it?”

” Not at first until my vision went, hit my head so hard that I couldn’t see anything for a little while and all it was- just… fear and the smell of iron,” he admits, “we all hit our heads but obviously, they... hit theirs differently. I guess. Nobody specified. Closed coffin, all of it. I know they died on impact when the car went off of the road,”

”you have a lot of survivor's guilt, on top of dealing with this soulmate sickness. You should have died, so, it is interesting you didn’t,” she admits, “almost  impossible ,” he nods slowly,

”they were baffled that I made it too. I had my will written. My father came to see me apparently, we haven’t spoken in years. He wasn’t happy with pretty much everything to do with me,” he admits, “not my  thug male friend  being my romantic soulmate, not his eldest being a video game fan, not my anxiety and depression, and not me looking like my mother. He hates me a lot, so,” 

“he was upset you were hurt,” she says, “wasn’t he?” And Arisu nods, “It’s love. Complicated and painful like most love,”  like most love.  That’s true. He brushes his fingers over the mark, “you said it was complicated with him wasn’t it?” She looks at the mark and he nods, 

“We were just so different I don’t understand why we…” he gestures to his skin, “I don’t understand. There was nothing that worked,” 

“Sometimes it’s not just the perfect match for you. But sometimes the perfect anti-match. Someone contrasting to you, you’ve heard that before,” he nods in agreement, “someone flirty, a little mean, very big-headed and loud, bold, shameless. That’s how you explained him, compared to you - completely the opposite in every single way. Appearance, height, build, personality, and background,” 

“Yin and Yang,” Arisu says, “I miss them,” he clutched his arm and closes his eyes,

” Use some,” he doesn’t want to. He doesn’t want to rub anything on his mark without Chishiya checking out the packaging, and the cream, to ensure it’s safe to use.

“I’ll wash my arm first, I want it on fresh skin. Does that make sense? It feels right,” he smiles awkwardly and she nods with a smile of her own, 

“I think we should do more separate sessions from the group. Whenever you’re free, Arisu. I think it would be beneficial, your mark appears to be getting worse, not better,” Arisu stands up, brushing himself down and almost dropping the items gifted, he grabs them and smiles, “You’ll have one-on-ones again?” 

“Sure,” 

-

“What is it?” Arisu instantly shoves the tube into Chishiya’s face, almost choking him with it, “She wants me to put it on, do I flush it down the toilet or- Chishiya!” He cries out as Chishiya squirts it over his hand and starts rubbing, “you don’t know what it is,”

”a burn ointment,” he replies, rubbing it into his skin, “I’ll let you know if it does something. I didn’t put it over a soul mark, so it’s no danger to me,” 

“Are you okay with not having one?” Arisu asks, “Like, be honest for once in your entire life,”

”I’ve never once-“ Chishiya pauses, “I’m not  that  dishonest,”

” When have you lied?!” Arisu crosses his arms and Chishiya shoves the tube into his face, “I think it’s fine. I think she actually wants to help, what’s your problem with her?” He demands, “She seems kind. Maybe she’s just that good of a doctor,” Chishiya hums and pulls out his phone, which really, should be hidden much better than it is and not just in his front pocket! 

He turns it around. “Here’s a pair of soulmates, I just got told this last night so don’t whine at me for the lack of transparency. But both of their soulmates died, she managed to pair them,” Arisu frowns, “it was sort of a life-saving procedure. It was that, or he would die,”

”That’s Illegal,” Arisu mumbles, “what did she do to them?” Chishiya shrugs, “You don’t think she’s trying to pair us though,” at Chishiya’s silence Arisu’s stomach drops, “Chishiya,” again silence, “is she trying to force bond us?!”

”Yes, but it won’t work,” Chishiya waves his hand, “clearly she’s waiting to see if it naturally happens but since you’re still dying, it’s unlikely. So she will come at us by force. Her reasoning seems rooted in wanting to help, but just like at the hospital - if I get an order to not resuscitate because my patient has chosen that, by law, I respect the decision. Even if the natural response is to preserve life,”

”is it your natural instinct?” Arisu raises an eyebrow, “to preserve life,”

”No.” Arisu laughs at him even though he knows the answer was completely honest. He unscrews the cream, squeezing his eyes shut for a second at the pain flaring in his arm every time he moves. “Useless,” Chishiya says, and takes it out of his hands, “hold still,” a freezing swipe of cream goes over his mark and he flinches, 

“it won’t burn you?”

”I’m helping, not threatening,” Chishiya mumbles back, “it’s just a black mark. Not sentient. About as alive as a tattoo, and still, almost… possessive. It’s likely because your soulmate was possessive,” Arisu blinks slowly as Chishiya rubs the cream into his arm. It doesn’t hurt, it feels  nice . He closes his eyes. “It sort of mimics their feelings, which is why it’s dying,” 

“she wants one-on-one sessions too,” Arisu whispers, “says I need them,”

”you do. You brought more baggage on your shoulders than you did in your suitcase,” Chishiya points out, “how is it?”

”you’re using that tone,” Arisu mumbles, opening his eyes and looking down at his arm, “you know the one - I know something you don’t tone,” Chishiya packs away the cream and shrugs, “I wish you were more upfront and honest,”

”why do I have to be, I don’t know you,” 

“Okay, roomie,” Arisu says “Where’s my flip-flop by the way? It’s my only pair, and it’s not in my bag,” 

“take better care of it. It’s not  my  flip-flop,” he walks away and Arisu clenches his fists and glares.  He definitely stole it again. 

He sleeps far better that night. Lights go down until the entire ship is completely silent, and peaceful. His arm doesn’t burn or sting, and there’s no deep-set ache. He turns over and smiles to himself and  finally,  sleeps like he used to. 

-

“So, it’s been four days since I’ve known about- well,  everything . And we’ve not  done  anything. Are we seriously waiting for  her  to make a move?” 

“how was your session?” Arisu sighs to himself and flops onto his bed, turning over to look at Chishiya, “Tell me everything-“Then the ship goes completely black, “don’t tell me we’re sinking,” Chishiya says, which Arisu does not register as a joke and proceeds to panic for a good half a minute. “It’s fine,” Chishiya says, “must be an outage. Even boats get them,” he jumps up, hand sweeping over the door with his keycard.

It beeps. “Well,”

”if you add on that we’re stuck in here-“ Arisu starts, but yep. They’re stuck. His heart sinks into his stomach and he buries his head into the blanket, “Okay. Guess we have to either hunker down or find a way out,” he pops his head out and they look at each other in the dark, and both nod. Agreed. They’re breaking out. “There’s the window,” Arisu jumps up and sticks his fingernails under the window, pulling it open, 

“it’s dark and slippy,” Chishiya points out, “you’ll break your neck. Got a candle?” Arisu pauses and shakes his head, “I have lighter,”

”do you smoke?” Arisu asks, 

“No,” okay. He doesn’t want to know. Chishiya pulls it out and opens it, 

“I thought you said  lighter  not  flamethrower ,” Arisu hisses, “look at the size of the flame-  Chishiya!”  He jolts back when Chishiya turns quickly and thrusts the lighter’s flame towards him, “you’ll burn me,”

“Calm down,” he states and turns back, “this won’t do for long, so we should just sleep,” Arisu sighs and goes over to him, leaning up on his toes to peer out of the window at the top of the door, 

“I can’t see anyone,” he admits, bumping into Chishiya’s side,

”watch it, you’ll burn yourself-“ Chishiya quietly mutters something, like a hiss of a swear and the light hits the floor, 

“did you burn yourself?!” Arisu yanks up his sleeve, hand clasping Chishiya’s, “It’s not too bad but I can already feel it blistering - I’m sorry,”

”let go,” Chishiya grits out,

”I’m sorry. I can get the burn ointment-“

”it’s fine just let go of my-“

”if it gets really bad you know better than anyone else that it can-“

”Arisu-!” The lights come back on and Arisu pauses, mouth slowly parting. Chishiya yanks away from him,

” You liar-!” He tries to yell, but Chishiya shoves a hand over his mouth. They both stumble back, feet crossing, and Chishiya grunts as he hits the floor, then makes a noise when Arisu lands on top of him, half crushing his ribs, “you lied!” Arisu hisses, trapping him there by putting his entire weight on his chest with his hands,“Are you kidding?!”

”Yes, I lied.  Obviously . Have you ever heard of someone not having a mark?” His sleeve had fallen back down, but he shoves it back up, “Of course, I have a soulmate. You’re all so gullible. It is fairly recent though,” he turns his arm around,

”that’s why you wear sleeves!” Arisu whisper-yells, “How did you not get caught?! Surely they checked,”

”Not that well,” Chishiya shrugs, “no one who recruited me knows. They still think I don’t have one,” Arisu half sits up, moving Chishiya with him, and grabs his arm, pressing his fingers into the bright blue mark. “It’ll burn you,” he warns, 

“It’s fine,” Arisu mumbles, “I love this colour,” he whispers, “white and blue, like clouds. Bit of yellow. What does it mean if it has black corners?’ He presses his fingernails gently into the edge of the large mark, blackening around the edges,

”dying,” 

“oh,” Arisu gently strokes over the colour, “I’m sorry,” he looks up down at Chishiya, leaning into his space, “does it hurt?” Chishiya shakes his head, “And it’s not getting worse is it?”

”it slowed down and stopped,” Chishiya answers, 

“So they’ll be okay,” Arisu grins, “I’m so glad for you. They must be something else to put up with you,” he jokes and Chishiya raises an eyebrow slowly, “you can be mischievous, I know that from our week living together. Give me back my flip flop, too,” he warns, “or I’ll tell on you,” of course, he actually wouldn’t, but Chishiya huffs,

”I’ll break the strap,” he threatens,

”I’ll claw you,” he presses his fingers into the mark, “when did it come up anyway, you said recently?”

”None of your business, get off,” he shoves at Arisu who snorts and flops onto the floor beside him.

“Doctor Chishiya, we had a five-person collision. Two were dead upon arrival, and one was critically injured. Two are stable,” Chishiya almost wants to ask why he should care, he’s a pediatrician, a heart specialist. “It’s not your jurisdiction but the stable one is a child,” he closes his eyes for a second and nods, “Could you stay with her as we get one of our free doctors?” He nods once,

”It was bad,” she says and he holds out an offered hand, she grabs it, “My big brother is hurt,”

” We have the best doctors here,” Chishiya states and looks over as the doors burst open, and a bed rolls past them, “excuse me-!” He calls and they stop, “He’s choking,” they stare at each other and he sighs, “How do I, a heart doctor, know more than you two?” He demands, he lets go of the girl’s hand and storming over to the bed, “he has blood in his throat,” he grabs the boy’s face, gently tilting his head forward, “injuries?”

”concussion, broken ribs, fractured wrist,” Chishiya nods, it’s okay to move him very carefully then. He turns him a little, and the boy gasps, he wraps his good hand around his arm, trapping him close, and buries his face down, pushing until he’s half cradled into Chishiya’s stomach, 

” You’re seriously injured, you need help,” Chishiya says, the boy shakes his head so Chishiya wraps his other arm around him, fingers rubbing his hair soothingly, “you’re hurt, do you understand?” The boy melts into the touch and Chishiya looks at the two, they step forward to help lay the patient back down, and as they wheel him off Chishiya lowers his eyes to the black mark on the patient’s arm, colour blowing away like leaves in the wind as he disappears behind the doors.

“Is he okay?” The girl asks,

”No,” Chishiya responds. He’ll die. He looks away and sits back down, grabbing the girl’s hand and ignoring the searing stinging in his arm. Muscle pain, overworking. It always happens. “His fated went on, do you know what that means?” He asks and she nods quickly, she’s young - but not that young. He’s sure she might have even seen it first-hand with her parents or others. 

“My mommy went on and my daddy followed because of it,” she mumbles, 

“We have good doctors,” he looks away to where they wheeled the patient away. 

My touch saved him. Chishiya looks at Arisu who has already opened the door and sticks his head out, talking with someone about the power shortage. Chishiya rubs his arm through the fabric of his jacket.  He wouldn’t have survived, it’s impossible. No one has realized it, but when I touched him we must have bonded. The new bond brought him back from the brink of death. But where is the colour? Will it come up with more time spent together, or touching? He’s been in agony with his arm lately. Is colour coming through ? It’s the only thing he can consider. He’s erasing his current black mark. 

“Him?” Chishiya asks the air as he lies on the floor, looking at the ceiling, “ why ?”  Why am I always so unlucky? 

“Your hand okay?” Chishiya tilts his head to look at Arisu who suddenly hovers over him, 

“I’ll live,” Arisu nods slowly, “I know who it is,” he rests his fingers over his arm, tapping at the fabric, “but I still don’t like people. But should I say something I wonder,” Arisu frowns as Chishiya looks up at him, “should I tell on myself?”

”do you want to?” Arisu asks, “Mira can’t do anything, you’re already here,”

”I’m curious about what she would think,” Chishiya says, “what her next move would be,” and Arisu clicks his fingers,

”that’s why you weren’t worried about us getting forcibly bonded because you’re already taken,”  by you, you idiot.  Chishiya thinks to himself,  she wanted to set me up with this moron and I ended up setting myself up with him. Snake eyes.  “Well, if you do tell her, I’ll have your back,”

”why?”

”you’re my roommate,” Arisu says like that explains everything. Including their bickering and general dislike of each other. “Why are you still on the floor, by the way?”

”mind your own business,” 

-

“Arisu,” Chishiya states. The room is completely silent, stiflingly quiet as Mira looks down at the mark, “We must be a contrasting pair,” he doesn't specify this happened before the trip, leaving her to draw conclusions that might get him in less trouble. Either way, she seems thrilled. That’s a surprise.

She claps her hands together happily and grins like it’s the best news she’s ever heard, “that means he’ll be okay. Thank god,” she presses her hands into her chest, over her heart, “I was so worried he’d keep declining and pass shortly after this trip, in a way I thought this may be his last chance for fun before the end,” she tucks her hair behind her ears and Chishiya narrows his eyes and leans forward, 

“do you actually care?” He asks and she frowns slowly,

”of course I do, silly,” then she smiles brightly, “I love all of you. I want you to be okay, the money and job have never mattered to me,” she waves her hand, “I’ll do anything for my patients. Especially Arisu, he’s so delicate. You’ll look after him? He may experience anxiety about the situation,”

”he doesn’t know,” Mira hums slowly,

”of course, it’s your call to make, Chishiya. It may be for the best or worst he doesn’t know yet. I’m sure it’ll be a stressful change for him,” she admits, “however, he will notice when his mark starts to change. Then he will know, so it’s just whether you decide to tell him, or let him figure it out himself,” 

Chishiya, ever the fan of controlling a situation, makes the decision there and then in his head. 

-

“I get paid either way, but maybe she isn’t as bad as originally considered,” Chishiya says, “if you have a life-saving cure for an illness and your higher-ups demand you give it to an influential famous older person, or a sick innocent poor child, which do you choose. Your job, your expectations, or your morals?” Arisu doesn’t respond, he’s uncharacteristically silent. Whether he’s asleep or not doesn’t matter. “I always picked the job. Why should I care who it goes to, whether they die, I die, or the world dies? Why does it matter in the long term? But I  have  always had a weakness for children,” 

He pauses, “If you’re doing something good that is saving lives, could it be Inherently evil?”

” If it’s being done for pure intentions, only to help people? Never. No matter what the law says, they used to say that about people,” Arisu shrugs, “right and wrong don’t exist, it’s made up based on money, power, and corruption,” and hearing those kinds of words is surprisingly very attractive to Chishiya. 

“I’m just stating if they so happen to not find anything on her by the end of the trip why should I care? I get paid anyway,” and Arisu rolls onto his stomach and grins at him in the darkening of the room, sun rolling down the sky,

”do I say  told you so?  What changed your mind?” And Chishiya turns on his side to face him, tucking his arms behind his head, 

“her excitement when I explained my mark,” he squints slowly, “why should she care if someone lives or dies?” 

“Why would you die?” He asks quickly, “Do you die if you don’t get one?”

”No, but my soulmate was,” Chishiya replies, “I got this mark six months ago in the hospital. His hair was wild and messy, he was extremely pale and covered in blood. His hands were trembling, and his soulmate mark had blackened, the colouring draining out of it like watercolour under a stream of water,” he breathes in, “I knew his diagnosis was death instantly. No one can survive that kind of serious injury and soulmate bond break at the same time, the mark was  so  large. The biggest one I’d ever seen,” 

Arisu hums, “He grabbed onto me and wouldn’t let go,” Chishiya rests his cheek against his mark, pressing into it and feeling the warmth on his skin, “a total stranger, I couldn’t get him to let go,” 

“sounds embarrassing,” Arisu smiles,

”you were very embarrassing,” Arisu pauses at the words, as Chishiya narrows his eyes at him, “It’s also the reason you’re alive. If you hadn’t created a new soul bond you would have died that night in the hospital, but you attached yourself to me like a leach, feeding from afar and growing stronger. It was uncomfortable, painful, even. Every deep feeling in your heart, mind, and body went directly to me. Every ache and pain, every anxious stir in your chest. Every gasp of breath as you jerk awake in fear. All burning,” he slides his arms out from beneath his head, rubbing his palm over the skin, 

“What do you mean?” 

“You know what I mean. Mira was excited  you  would no longer die after this trip. I halted your process of dying just by touching you six months ago. Though you were still deteriorating. The longer we’ve spent in each other’s presence, it’s cured your sickness. What you are feeling, is not your body giving out on you, poisoning you from your mark. But actually, your mark changing,”

”That’s crazier than the FBI story, are you actually just a stalker?” Arisu asks, he pulls up his sleeve and holds out his arm, “there is no colour there,”

”has the black always been so faded or was it darker?” Chishiya challenges, Arisu scowls and turns his arm to his eyes, squinting at it, “You don’t have to believe me. And we don’t have to be  friends , what a pathetic notion,” he shakes his head, “Just stop walking around in your pitiful pathetic cloud waiting to die because it won’t happen. You’re attached to me,” he holds up his arm and lays it out towards Arisu, blue shining in the light of the moon. “Favourite colour?” Arisu looks away quickly, “White blue, and yellow. It suits you,” Chishiya says.

”why are you messing with me, I know you’re an asshole and you’ve messed with me this whole time but I just lost them. This is cruel,” Chishiya rolls his eyes and tucks his arm back, “this is so-“

”Fine. Deny fact, I can’t believe you attached yourself to me when I hate you so much,” Chishiya sighs, “I don’t have the time or patience to put up with someone so annoying,” he turns over, stretching his arms up and yawning, “enjoy your trip,” 

“so you’re trying to tell me we’re stuck together? I’m stuck with you?” Arisu demands,

”Yes, you’re stuck. Good for you,” Chishiya snuggles his face into his pillow and closes his eyes,

”but I can’t be stuck, he just died. It’s not fair and- and you’re telling me my- what, body? Decided to move on minutes after he died. Impossible. I’d never forget it, I’d never move on,” Arisu grits, “I’m not like that, I grieved. I’m grieving him  still ,” 

“you know the science, don’t act like you don’t. Playing the fool is an unattractive character trait,” Chishiya yawns, pausing as Arisu’s bed rustles and his blankets hit the floor, then he’s pulled onto his back, Arisu hovering over him, “I’m not fighting you on a cruise ship. This is my vacation, remember?”

”did you come here because I was here?” Arisu demands,

”narcissistic of you,” Chishiya drawls back, “No. I didn’t. I think you forget I was here  before  you. Infiltration takes time,” he can’t deny the desire to take the hands pinning his shoulders down, twist them until they break.  Again.  “I just really don’t care whether she’s breaking the law, messing with bonds. I was just bored,”

”bored. That’s it,” Arisu shakes his head, “some of us are suffering and you’re just  bored, ” he mocks, “we’re giving up on our lives.  Dying . Hating ourselves and you’re just sitting with us,  pretending  as if you understand. I thought you at least understood it in your way,”

”I did. Until six months ago. I never really cared, but I understood,” Chishiya answers, “it didn’t bother me that there was no one out there for me. It  still  doesn’t. We don’t like each other, why should I care,”

” Because I’m made for you,” and Chishiya almost wants to blush at that kind of shameless upfront comment from him. 

“We’re  contrast  soulmates,” Chishiya says, “do you listen or pay attention ever? We’re so different that we perfectly mirror one another. Opposites attract, you know,”

”  He  was a contrast,” Arisu tightens his hands in Chishiya’s jacket, curling the fabric into his fists, “am I destined to be stuck with people who are  so  different from me, that they can never actually  be  with me? I don’t understand opposites attract, how could you like someone you’re so fundamentally different from,”

”because some of us dislike routine. The same thing going around and around over and over again with no change,” Chishiya answers, “aren’t you bored?” And Arisu sighs,  of course, he’s bored.  “Are we really that different?” 

Arisu loosens his grip. Staring contests, messing with each other, rubbing cream on my mark as I fuss over his little lighter burn, finding each other’s eyes during group -  having entire conversations with just raised eyebrows and twitched mouths, the bickering. No. We’re not different at all, but at the same time - we are so different. Just like every other typical contrast, just like his last. So different, but not different at all. Late nights giggling with pots of noodles, bickering, insulting, and annoying each other. No, it’s not so different.

Arisu grasps his arm, wrapping his fingers around the mark.  Chishiya isn’t lying to me. He isn’t mistaken, or a stalker. He isn’t messing with me, torturing me. I feel it.  Like something living, thrumming beneath the skin - a kind of warmth so hot that it sizzles. 

“All I do is get people hurt,” Arisu admits. It was all him, arguing with Karube in the car whilst Chota held up his hands and tried to diffuse the situation. 

- You better tell Emi!

Fuck no, I just got her - her asshole soulmate boyfriend is going to leave the picture 

- Leaving each other’s soulmates to run off together? How cute!

— Please don’t yell, let’s enjoy this road trip 

- I came to fix our relationship not get cheated on

Cheated on?! Way to be dramatic. I’d never cheat on anyone, but I fell in love-

- What, you don’t love me?! Is that why my arm hurts so often? Such an idiot!

Piss off-!

- You piss off, awful friend. Worse soulmate-!

“Self-pity and guilt are beneath you,” Chishiya says, “it won’t change anything. You’ll just die with them, then it’ll be for nothing. Move on. It doesn’t have to be now, or even soon. But it has to be done, you have to stop wallowing,”

”He was a great person. My last words to him were bad,” Arisu admits quietly, “I wish I said something different. I was just upset that we weren’t working out, that we worked so well as friends. Why give me a romance mark, why not another platonic,” he moves and Chishiya freezes as Arisu lays down, “I’m too tired to lean over you,”

”doesn’t mean you have to crush me,” Chishiya points out, Arisu just presses his arms into Chishiya’s side, body half hanging off the bed, cheek pressed into his stomach. “This is a familiar position,” Arisu groans,

”that’s so embarrassing, I grabbed onto you in the middle of the hospital. I don’t remember at all, I had a concussion,” he squeezes his eyes shut, “and I accidentally made a bond, it must have been uncomfortable,”

”decently painful,” Chishiya agrees, “you were panicking, it’s fine,” 

“I’m sorry you’re stuck- well, not technically. We never have to speak again after this but- you’re, you’re a little stuck because of me- you’re stuck, with,  me, ” Arisu winces to himself, “the world must be punishing you,”

Or rewarding me,  Chishiya thinks. “I know, you’re awful,” he says, instead. And Arisu laughs, tightening his grip, 

“You’re not going to do anything about Mira?” Arisu asks, 

“None of my business, I came here for the free cocktails,” Arisu laughs again,

”they are pretty good,” he agrees, tilting his head to smile up at him, “I can’t  believe  you gave up on being an undercover within days of being undercover. You’re so lazy,” he laughs and Chishiya scoffs at him, “If we’re not - you know, going undercover to try to get our therapist arrested, do you want to just… have a vacation? Not worry about anything for a while?”

”I’ve been doing it the whole time, you’re the one who didn’t get the message.  Enjoy  your trip,” Arisu smiles to himself slowly, eyes lighting up. 

-

“Try this one!” Arisu holds up a piece of cake and Chishiya scowls at him and slaps it away, “Chishiya, try it or I’ll smash it into your cheek,” he holds it up and Chishiya reluctantly takes a bite and glares at him, “it’s awful isn’t it?”

”why are you feeding me poison?” He swallows it and shoves the cake away, “did you make that?”

”hey!” He shifts in his beach air, tilting his head back to take in the sun.  ‘Couldn’t find anything on her. She’s normal it seems. Or maybe not, who knows? I know she’s not done anything to me or the others. And she seems like a good person.”  He’d texted three weeks ago, never responding to the “ ?”  He got back,

“At least you’re getting a bit of colour on your skin,” Chishiya points out,

”you too,” he argues, and Chishiya shifts, and before Arisu can react, his flip flop is gone. “Chishiya!” He yells as Chishiya half-runs away, he scrambles up and sprints after him, grabbing him by the waist, “Give it back!” 

“Give what back?”

”give me back my flip-flop you, idiot!”

”what flip flop?” 

So Arisu rips Chishiya’s jacket off and holds it in the air out of reach, Chishiya glares at him. Arisu’s arm glints purple and white in the sun, sparkling bright beautiful colours, Chishiya reaches his own arm up, fingers brushing against the hanging sleeve of his jacket, marks pressed together, 

“I hate you,” Chishiya says,

”you too,” Arisu snatches his flip flop and takes off running, jacket coming with him and Chishiya crosses his arms, following in a slow walk. He corners him at the back of the ship, the others in the group watching as Arisu freezes and Chishiya holds out his arms, 

“now what?” Chishiya challenges, “Trapped rabbit,” Arisu glares and leaps over the chair, exactly like Chishiya expected. He catches him out of the air, and Arisu smacks his arms, 

“They’re cute,” Asahi smiles slowly, 

“I’m so glad,” Mira agrees, pressing her hands over her chest as Arisu licks Chishiya’s hand, forcing him to wince and let go, 

“Animal,” Chishiya deadpans,

”bite me,”

“You’re the animal, you bite me,”

”that came out so weird,” Arisu laughs and Chishiya’s mouth twitches, “I could just…” He leans close and Chishiya pauses as Arisu kisses the side of his mouth and takes off running again, slipping on the jacket, “it’s mine now,” 

“I have two other ones,” Chishiya responds, “I’ll take your flip flops, however,” 

“stop stealing my things, you’re like a little nesting bird!”

”pot calling the kettle black,”

”you started it,” Arisu beams under the sunlight, eyes crinkling and Chishiya thinks,  damn it.  “Do you want to go somewhere in a few days?” He asks and Chishiya raises an eyebrow, 

“Home. Catch up on the news,” Chishiya answers, “I’m guessing I’ll have a leech following me back there,” 

“You guess correctly. I want to take more than a tan away from my vacation,”

” it's group  therapy ,” Chishiya points out, “technically this was the saddest vacation ever, and the saddest you’ll ever take,” Arisu rolls his eyes, 

“but I think I enjoyed it a lot,” Arisu smiles, “nightmares and grief aside, I feel lucky now. But I won’t get too mushy,”  a little mushy is fine.  “I have a crush whose on this ship,” 

“ Really ? That poor, tortured person,” 

“He’s very attractive  and  a bit mean,” Arisu says and Chishiya rolls his eyes and starts walking back to their room, “you don’t need to run away, coward!” He calls to his back, grinning to himself as he follows. Back to  their  room on  their  vacation to spend  their  time together. Their!

Arisu wraps his arms around Chishiya’s waist, burying his head into his shoulder, “I do, you know. Even if you’re terrible half of the time,” 

“not more terrible than you,” Arisu tucks himself closer and Chishiya hesitantly raises his hand and plants it over Arisu’s back, “for an all-expenses paid vacation on a cruise ship in the middle of the ocean with the looming possibility of it maybe having illegal activity taking place, it wasn’t that bad. The worst part was my roommate,”

”ha ha,” Arisu drawls, “I like you,” 

“mhm,” 

“I’m really glad I came here but I’m also not the best to be around, I’m moody,”

”mhm”

”annoying,”

”very much,”

”too clingy at times,”

”Definitely,”

” self-conscious,”

”you’re listing things you hate about yourself, I’d say that was a true assessment,” 

“but I’d like you to like me. I know better than anyone it’s not something I can force, but I don’t want you to hate me, or to be enemies,” 

“Have we ever  actually  been  real  enemies?” Chishiya asks, Arisu pauses and hums.  Guess not . “Do you like curry?” Arisu pauses and nods slowly, “It’s the only thing I can cook very well. If you don’t make a mess, you can have some,”

”at your apartment?” Arisu ducks his head, tightening his arms around him, “I’ll bring dessert if you want. Probably just… bought, I can’t cook, I’m bad at everything-“ Chishiya tilts Arisu’s head up, finger and thumb on his chin, and kisses him.  Oh.  Arisu closes his eyes, melting and when Chishiya goes to pull back, kisses him again. 

Free cocktails  and  free kisses?  Vacation . All expenses were paid,  and  a good outcome. Rare for him. He wraps his arms around Chishiya’s waist, their lips moving together slowly, patiently, all the time in the world. Hajime is going to get a very expensive bottle of his favourite alcoholic drink for his birthday.

” what are your thoughts on being with someone on a cruise ship?” Chishiya asks, and Arisu blinks down at him, “this might be your one chance to experience not just riding on a ship,”

”lock the door,” Arisu says, his breathing picking up quickly.  Two bottles. Two bottles of his favourite alcoholic drink.