Chapter Text
Clinic along España Blvd. August 2023. 1000H
Dr. Ravi’s POV
Another day, another slay. Ano kayang problemang magasawa ang maririnig ko for today’s video? Haayy, the life of a couple’s therapist
“MAXINEEEEE, what’s my schedule for today?”
“Hi Doc, one couple lang po for today. Mrs. and Mrs. Custodio-Vanguardia po. After that doc, sa ibang araw na ako nag sched ng ibang clients mo”
Thank you Maxine Salbazoir, hulog ka ng langit “Thanks Max! After ng session today, take the rest of the day off na.” I said dahil deserve din ni Max ng day off dahil biyaya siya ni Lord sakin bilang aking secretary.
“Thanks, doc! Andito na po sila, should I let them in?”
“Sige Max, Thank you!”
I got my iPad, pen, and recorder and sat on the chair opposite the couch where my clients would be sitting. The door to my office opened, and I heard Max ushering two women in. “This way po Ms. Narda and Ms. Regina.”
“Thank you, Ms. Salbazoir” said the taller woman with blonde highlights, stilettos, and a dark denim jacket over her fitted black dress, looking like a model straight out of Paris Fashion Week. “You’re welcome po, Ms. Regina. Please, just call me Max po.”
“Salamat Max” said the shorter woman with jet black hair wearing a leather jacket over a black tank top, black jeans, and high-heeled boots, who I presume is Narda. ‘Wow, these women are gorgeous, and I mean GORGEOUS. Plus, they’re oozing chemistry. Ano kayang problema ng dalawang ‘to?’
“Good Morning Mrs. and Mrs. Custodio-Vanguardia. Please have a seat.” I looked at Max and asked her to bring water.
Regina sat on the end of the couch across from me. The slight hesitation from Narda was apparent; nonetheless, she followed her wife and sat at the opposite end of the same couch. Okay, ang lawak ng space? Talk about marital problems. I inwardly rolled my eyes. Mukhang maramihang session to ah. More work, but at least may budget na ako pang full draw sa CODM.
“Good morning ulit, I’m Dr. Ravi Euth.”
“Good morning, doc. First, gusto ko lang sabihin na we don’t need to be here.” Narda said, her features screaming annoyance. It was obvious that she didn’t want to be here. Eh? So bakit kayo andito? My face must’ve looked like Snowball’s confused face from The Secret Life of Pets.
“Right. Absolutely.” Regina said, slightly rolling her eyes, equally annoyed. Ako na ang naiirita dito sa dalawang to. What if pag untugin ko na lang sila? No. Calm yourself, Ravi. You’ve done this a lot of times na. I think to myself. Wow, what a pep talk. There is obvious tension between them, but Narda avoids the issue entirely, while Regina seems fed up.
“So, what brings you both here then?” Both women stayed silent. They were in a trance, and no one wanted to break the silence. Both are deeply thinking about what to say next.
“Well, doc, we have a theory” Regina said. “We do?” Narda replied dumbfoundedly. Regina then looked at Narda like she had grown another head. “Yes, we do, babe. The oil check.”
“Right right, the oil check. You see doc, tulad ng mga kotse, or any other vehicle really, dapat may preventive maintenance din. Check if may mga need palitan na piyesa or kung need na ba palitan yung langis. We’ve been married for 3 years-...”
“4 years…” Regina interrupts.
“Right, 3 or 4 years. So ayun maybe it’s time we do the same.” Silence…
“Hmmm. Okay. May I call you both by your first names?”
“Yes” “Yeah”
“Okay, Narda and Regina, how happy are you as a couple?”
“...” “...”
“From a scale of one to ten” I supplied.
“Para lang malinaw doc, ten being the happiest as in perfectly happy and one being completely miserable?” Narda says, obviously confused and dumbfounded by the question.
“Are allowed to answer in fractions or decimals?” Regina responds, looking equally confused as her wife.
“Just answer the first thing that comes into your mind” Lord, patience, please.
Regina looks at Narda and asks, “Ready?” Narda nods her head in agreement.
“Seven.” “Seven.” Hmmm, seven. Not happy, but not miserable either.
Narda reached for the bottled water on the table and handed the other to her wife. While writing notes on my iPad, I saw that Narda was struggling to open her water bottle, so Regina handed hers over to Narda instead of drinking it. Narda muttered a silent ‘thank you’ to her wife. Awww, ang cute naman. I think time to stir up some feelings. I put down my pen and got ready to ask the next question.
“How often do you have sex?” 5… 4… 3… 2… 1… action.
After hearing the question, Regina froze while Narda choked on her water. “I… I don’t understand the question, doc.” Regina said
“Putangina doc, bakit ka nambibigla?” Sabi naman ni Narda while still coughing. Regina looked at her wife and noticed her wet clothes, water still dripping from her mouth.
“Babe, punasan mo muna yung mouth mo and your clothes. Here” Regina then started to wipe Narda’s face using her handkerchief. “Ako na, hun. Thank you.” Narda got the hanky, her hand lingering on Regina’s while staring at her. Regina’s eyes softened upon meeting Narda’s stare. Interesting…
“Ehem. So back to my question?” Sorry to interrupt your moment, ladies, pero baka maubos yung oras natin na nagtititigan lang kayo.
Regina pulled her hand back and said, “Is this a one-and-ten thing? Or…”
“Oo nga doc. Also, anong period neto, like frequency per week? Per month?”
“And what’s one equal to, doc? Like none at all or once in a blue moon?”
“Tsaka doc, what’s ten? Walang tigil o break? Kahit para mag cr o kumain?”
“SANDALE. STOP THE CAR. Straightforward naman yung question, bakit ang dami niyong tanong? How often do you have sex?”
“...” “...” Croo Croo. KERI NIYO PA BA?? Both of them just sat there, frozen.
“Sige eto na lang. Describe how you first met.”
“It was in Cuba” Regina answered. “Havana, three years ago” Narda smugly added.
“Four” Regina corrected her wife with a smirk.
“Right. Three or four years ago…” Narda said with a tight smile.
This is going to be a long session.
I thought to myself.
Oh god, send help.