Work Text:
Once upon a time Steven Universe"s beautiful boyfriend Doctor Who got invited to be a skin in Fortnite. He got to be two whole skins, the fourteenth Doctor Who (second David Tennant) and the fifteenth Doctor Who (first Ncuti Gatwa), plus a bunch of other kinds of minor cosmetics and a whole Battle Pass and gameplay even with a weapon.
STEVEN WAS SO PISSED OFF AND JEALOUS!
Steven LOVED Fortnite! He got to shoot as many people as he wanted and nobody would try to take his gun away or send him to time jail. He could set the server to Italy and not get accused of a hate crime too! So Steven was FUCKING PISSED OFF AND NOT HAPPY that only Doctor Who got to be a skin in Fortnite. Doctor Who said that Steven couldn"t get into Fortnite because he"s short and stubby and doesn"t fit in the standard Fortnite model, whereas Doctor Who looks like a normal person so he could. Steven responded to that by kicking Doctor Who in the balls.
Steven started hatching a plan to get into Fortnite. Steven is a violent and hateful person, so naturally his plan was extremely violent and hateful. One day he went over to Doctor Who"s phone while Doctor Who was busy taking a piss and he got inside and he closed the door and he walked over to Doctor Who"s pilot which was Baby Yoda.
"Baby Yoda, take me to Fortnite," said Steven. "I have a plan I need to do over there."
"Baby Yoda," said Baby Yoda and he flew the phone to the Epic Games office and let Steven out (Baby Yoda is not allowed to leave the phone and go on adventures because Doctor Who needs him to always be ready in case they need to fly the phone). Steven went into the Epic Games office and he flipped off the security guard.
"HEY, KID!" yelled the security guard.
"WHAT" screamed Steven.
"Got any guns?" asked the security guard.
"Yes," said Steven and he pulled up his shirt to reveal three guns shoved down his pants.
"You can"t bring those in here kid," said the security guard.
"The fuck you gonna do about it?" taunted Steven and he kept walking and he went to Donald Mustard"s office. Inside, Mustard was busy playing with his Marvel action figures when he saw Steven.
"Hey Steven!" said Donald Mustard. "What brings you here?"
"I"m REALLY PISSED OFF AND FRUSTRATED THAT YOU PUT MY BOYFRIEND DOCTOR WHO IN FORTNITE BUT NOT ME!" yelled Steven. "I"M GOING TO SOLVE THIS PROBLEM THE ONLY WAY I KNOW HOW - VIOLENTLY!"
"Are you going to shoot me?" asked Mustard.
"No," said Steven. "I"m going to shatter you like I did to Jasper in the episode Fragments which is the one where I killed someone. Show me your gem so I can shatter it."
"I don"t have a gem, Steven," said Mustard. "I"m just a dude, not a freak like you."
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK!!!!!!!!!!" screamed Steven. He was so mad that he took out all his guns and threw them really hard on the ground and stomped on them and broke them.
"You can"t be in Fortnite because you"re too short and stubby, Steven," said Mustard calmly. "You don"t fit on the standard model"
"THE STANDARD MODEL DOESN"T FIT ON MY COCK" yelled Steven and he flipped Mustard off and he stormed back to the phone and he got inside the phone and he told Doctor Who"s pilot Baby Yoda to go back to where Doctor Who was taking a piss and he sat down and he cried.
"I just wanted to be in Fortnite," sobbed Steven.
Doctor Who came back in the phone at this point. "Good piss," said Doctor Who. Let"s say it"s the seventh this time. "I"m glad it took me several hours." Then he saw Steven crying. "What"s wrong Steven? Still mad about Fortnite?"
"YES!" sobbed Steven.
"Aw, cmere," said Doctor Who. Steven got up and moved towards his lover and Doctor Who kicked him in the balls.
"NOT SO FUN NOW, IS IT, BITCH?" said Doctor Who and Steven cried in pain and sadness. Then he kissed Steven gingerly on the top of his head. "Maybe you"ll fit on the standard Fortnite model when you"re 40."
Steven screamed so loud it could be heard all the way back at Epic.
The end (I hope Steven gets into Fortnite)