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Pansy glared down at her oversized mug of coffee before surveying the fresh piece of parchment that Draco handed her. She mouthed wordlessly as she searched for her name on the prefect rota and as many times as her name appeared so did the name of the one person she'd much rather avoid.
"Really? I'm stuck with Granger for the next month!" she practically hissed, crumpling up the parchment and shoving it roughly into her bag.
It wasn't that she hated her Gryffindor counterpart. On the contrary, Hermione Granger both unwittingly and unknowingly held the key to her deepest secret, one that Pansy swore she would take with her to grave.
Of course at the exact moment she happened to glance up at the rest of the Great Hall, in waltzed Hermione herself, arm in arm with the little Weasley brat, smiling and laughing at something the redheaded girl said to her. Almost instantly Pansy felt that familiar pool of warmth settle in her groin as her stomach twisted uncomfortably. How the hell was she going to survive the next month of Prefect duty with her? Moreover, how would she deal with it without inadvertently spilling her guts to her? "Ugh that's it, I'm totally doomed," she thought as she drained her mug and stood.
"I'll see you in Potions," she told Draco before flouncing away, not paying attention to where she was going until she walked into something both solid and surprisingly soft at once. "Watch where you're going, Granger," she spat, ducking her head to try and hide the blush that spread across her cheeks.
Pansy barely paid attention to where her feet were taking her, all she knew was they were taking her in the opposite direction of the Potions dungeon. She ducked behind one tapestry that concealed a shortcut to the upper floors of the castle and soon enough found herself outside the prefect's bathroom. There, she leant in and whispered the password, then slid inside the door that magically opened up.
She took all of ten seconds to quickly glance around and confirm she was alone before she moved to the sinks and turned the tap on. She let it run icy cold as she tried to wipe away the tears running down her cheeks. Finding her efforts futile, she stuck her hands under the freezing water instead.
She sucked in a sharp breath as her hands went numb. She couldn't feel anything but searing pain coursing through her hands and up her arms. Then, she finally dragged her gaze upwards to her reflection.
"Look at yourself, you're pathetic! You're a goddamn Parkinson! What you feel is totally unnatural and wrong! You, in love with a woman? And a pathetic little Mudblood no less! You should be ashamed of yourself." Her mother's voice rang in her ears as she cried, this was exactly why she couldn't tell anyone her secret.
Pansy let out a howl of pain and anguish as she pulled back her fist and hit the mirror, shattered glass mixed with her own blood and hit the floor of the bathroom. "Fuck," she mumbled and cast a spell to fix the mirror and ran her hand under the tap to hastily clean it before bandaging it up before she realized the time. "Shit!" she yelled and bolted out of the bathroom and back down towards Potions in record time.
The rest of the day passed in a dizzying haze. Much to Pansy's dismay and annoyance, it seemed that everywhere she went, a certain brown, curly-haired girl popped up. Of course the one day she really needed to escape from the thoughts in her head that were very much conflicting the feelings in her stomach and groin was the one day she couldn't.
She decided to skip dinner in favor of escaping to the confines of her blissfully deserted dorm room. She flung herself onto her bed, pulled the drapes around her and cast a silencing charm. The noise that Pansy emitted was somewhere between a scream of pain and a sexual moan. She spent the next half hour screaming into her pillow, letting out all of the negative feelings that had steadily built up over the day. Afterwards, she passed out, spent.
By the time Pansy finally came to, nearly three hours had passed. She blinked the sleep out of her eyes and slowly sat up. Yawning, she reached for the jug of pumpkin juice and the goblet on her beside table and poured herself a large drink, draining it quickly before pouring herself another. She glanced at her watch and realized she had less than 15 minutes before Prefect duty started. She groaned and rolled out of bed, pointed her wand at her hair and robes to make herself look presentable, then left.
30 minutes later Pansy and Hermione were starting their patrol of the dungeons. They had been informed that Slughorn was running a Potions study session for the 5th years so were unsurprised to find the lanterns in that particular corridor still lit.
The pair of them walked in a somewhat uneasy silence, staunchly avoiding each other's gaze until Hermione said tentatively, "Are you okay, Pansy? You look paler than usual."
Pansy shrugged and chewed her lip, trying to avoid looking at Hermione.
"What? Yes, Granger, I'm fine," she finally spat. "Why do you care anyway?"
Hermione stopped dead in her tracks. "Because whether we like it or not, we're stuck on Prefect duty together for the next month. I'd like to know in advance if there's anything that's going to stop you from doing your job!" she replied.
Shocked at both her tone and audacity, Pansy spun around and glared openly at her. "Nope, no way, we aren't doing this," she growled, closing the distance between them so their noses were almost touching. Her heart raced as she looked deep into Hermione's chocolate brown eyes and her stomach twisted uncomfortably once more.
The taller of the two took a step back, only stopping when her back hit the cold wall. "Do what, Pansy? What are we not doing?" The look in her eyes switched from fear to one of almost compassion and concern.
"Why are you being so nice to me?" Pansy shot back, squaring her shoulders. Her fingers strayed towards the wand in her pocket.
"I could ask you the same thing! Why are you such a bitch?" Hermione spat back as she clenched her fists. At that Pansy scoffed and rolled her eyes.
"You're insufferable, you know that?" The fingers that strayed to her pocket were now playing with the cuff of her robes.
"Seriously, Pansy, what the fuck is wrong with you?"
Wham. Hermione's head jerked sideways as Pansy's hand connected with her cheek. She gasped, and Pansy felt guilt pool in her belly as tears welled in Hermione's eyes.
"What was that for?" Hermione bit out at last. "All I've ever done is be nice to you and you've just been horrid. Seriously, if this continues, then I…"
Her words were cut off as Pansy grabbed her by the collar and roughly pulled her into a deserted classroom.
"That's it, Parkinson, you can't just hit me and drag me into a room without…"
Once again her sentence was cut short as Pansy began to yell.
"I'm gay, Hermione! I'm gay and I hate myself for it!" The words burst from her before she could stop herself, and hot tears fell down her face once more.
Hermione's features twisted with confusion. "I still don't understand… What does you being gay have to do with why you're such a bitch to me?"
At that, Pansy laughed—a strangled, half-crying laugh—as she looked at the object of her unspoken affection. "Oh my god, Granger, for the brightest witch in our year, you sure are dumb."
Before either of them had a chance to continue yelling at the other Pansy finally closed the distance between them, crashing their lips together in a needy and heated kiss. Hermione gasped at first but quickly returned the sentiment. Pansy pulled back for a moment, panting deeply before she wound her hands in Hermione's hair and brought their lips together again.
As both of them moaned into the kiss, Hermione ran her hands along Pansy's shoulders and down her back, finally settling them onto her hips where she squeezed slightly, eliciting a slight gasp and tug of her hair from Pansy.
Pansy's world seemingly imploded the moment their lips met. So this is what kissing Hermione Granger feels like? It was magical—as if time had stopped and they were the only two people in existence. It was also hot and heady and Pansy couldn't get enough. She released Hermione's lips and started kissing her neck. Pausing for a moment at her collarbone, Pansy sucked gently before swiping her tongue over the red spot. Another moan from Hermione and Pansy felt gentle hands slip under her robes and shirt. The sudden feeling of Hermione's hands on her bare skin pulled Pansy out of the moment and she stumbled back. Her heart was hammering with fear and her eyes widened with panic.
"Pansy, that was…" Hermione started, but before she could finish Pansy was making her escape, hissing that if Hermione breathed a word of this to anyone , she would hex her within an inch of her life.
Once free from the classroom and suddenly back to her senses—or rather, her mother's senses—Pansy ran. She had no idea where she was going. All she knew was she had to put as much distance between herself and that room as she could. She continued running, totally unaware that Hermione was not far behind her. She finally found herself at the top of the mercifully quiet Astronomy tower. She crossed to the edge, panting as she looked over. It was dark enough that she couldn't see the ground some 600 feet below.
Before she even realized what she was doing, Pansy had climbed up and was standing right on the edge of the tower. One more inch and she'd freefall to her death. Her mother's voice echoed in her head as she blinked back tears.
Just as she was about to jump, another voice broke through her mother's cruel taunts.
"PANSY, NO!" Hermione yelled, bursting through the door. "Pansy, please?" Her voice cracked at the end of her plea. "Go way, 'Mione," Pansy sobbed, neither noticing nor caring that she had used her nickname. "Don't you understand? I have to do this, if I don't she'll… she'll kill me."
Hermione took a breath, then stepped towards Pansy. "I know you're scared, Pansy, I know you're confused and terrified and you feel like you've let everyone down but I promise that you haven't." She was chewing on her own lip as she inched slowly towards the other girl. "You are so brave and so beautiful and I promise that if you come down from there, I will protect you and keep you safe."
Pansy twisted her head to gaze at her.
"I-I can't, 'Mione, I'm sorry," she whispered, turning back to the emptiness below. "I love you, but it's too painful and it's wrong and I… I just can't." She reached up to scrub the tears from her face as Hermione approached. "Don't try and stop me, 'Mione, it's better this way."
Hermione let out a scream as Pansy took a deep breath and lifted her foot. Pansy began to fall forward but suddenly, she felt warm arms envelop her and pull her back. A scream ripped from her own throat, then she was sobbing loudly while Hermione held her close. Pansy's knees buckled, but Hermione carefully lowered her to the floor.