Chapter Text
"Ronnie Stafford
Fred Boyer
Oliver Collins
Zack Moody
Joseph Riggs
Ray Finle
Barnaby pitts
Nate Carver"
Matt had his hand to his forehead as he sat in his office chair, Foggy was saying the names of the men who died in that night's explosion, he was holding a police archive that wasn't exactly legally acquired. The real victims of that night, the children, were not disclosed, Matt didn't know if that's better or worse, he squirmed inwardly when Foggy glared at him.
"This is insane Matt" he threw the papers on the table, most of those men already had criminal history, drug dealing, murders, some were denounced by harassment and pedophilia, Matt just didn't know how these men were released, there was a part of him that was relieved that they were dead now, maybe Frank was getting in his head too much.
"I know, Foggy" he complained and got up.
"By God Matt, what are you getting into" Foggy's hands were sweating and his heart was beating fast, Foggy always acted the same way when he was nervous, Matt remembered how he would panic to ask a girl out when they were in college. It was touching when it wasn't annoying Matt, at least he had learned how to deal with women.
"Just trust me, I'll figure it out, I always do" Matt walked over, took off his glasses and laid them on the table in an attempt to open up, to calm down Foggy "we've dealt with worse things together, and you it's already helping me a lot, you got all these files for me"
"You owe me one, you don't know how hard it was to get this" he let a smile escape, a lightness fell from his shoulders, Matt also relaxed, he hated when they were both like that, sometimes he hated putting them in these situations, but he knew he couldn't run away again.
"And what do you want? Please we're not going to that karaoke again" Matt said in a relaxed mood a crooked smile at the corner of his lips.
"Oh man, that was awesome! I really wish you could see your pictures from that day" he exclaimed remembering, it was a Foggy birthday, a few too many drinks in his head and Matt was singing Britney Spears songs loud and clear in the middle of the room - which he doesn't remember doing - Foggy and Karen pestered him for months about this incident.
"No please, it's enough for me to hear our beautiful voices in that video" they both laughed, Foggy's laugh still soothed him, it still sounded like family, even if he had run away, there would always be a place where he could hear Foggy again.
Foggy stifled his laughter a little, he laid a hand on Matt's shoulder, simple and warm.
"Man, I just... I just want you to come back alive" he didn't speak with fear or concern like he was at the beginning of the conversation, it was more like an affirmation that he really trusted Matt and wanted him to know that "and maybe we can just have a regular dinner? Like normal people, But I want you to cook!"
"Okay" Matt laughed and put his glasses and coat back on, gathered the documents under his arm "it'll be on me"
"Yeah!" Foggy cheered, a victory flick of his fist, Matt grinned and walked towards the door "oh and make sure that new little friend of yours doesn't kill anyone this time"
"He won't do anything Foggy" Matt replied in a hushed tone, swallowing a "he's not my friend" out of his throat, first because he knew it wouldn't do any good to tell Foggy and then again because even Matt didn't believe it anymore.
Matt then just thanked Foggy again said goodbye and walked out the door, the cold making his nose cold, but he wasn't sure if the tremor on his spine was from the cold.
°°°
Matt's steps slipped on the icy concrete of that ceiling, his worn boots making an irritating sound, he needs new boots but how would a lawyer like him have the money to get new boots? God, he really missed his old uniform, especially now with the cold, not even a few layers of a simple shirt helped him with that. Matt put those thoughts aside when he saw Frank, the Sniper was resting on the building jamb and his eyes didn't leave the gun even with Matt approaching behind him, Frank didn't have Matt's senses but he seemed to know how to read his surroundings as good as Matt.
"Do you really need to have this thing pointed out to every citizen in the city?" Matt asked gruffly, the cold killing his mood.
"Unlike you I don't have supersonic senses to know what's going on in this damn town" Frank reciprocated in kind, Matt just snorted.
"I got what you asked for" Matt spread the papers out on the same building jamb next to Frank and also leaned there, his back to the city "Most have the story we expected"
Frank lowered his gaze to Matt and then to paperwork, he put the gun down, went through the sheets carefully, a frown growing on his face as he read and saw no connection whatsoever to be done, they all came from different states, two were even from Europe, but all of them had passages in the New York police, most of them had never even been arrested here.
"Nothing from the man who got away?" he asked, voice cracking with bitterness.
"No, but I have a clue" Frank's face turned towards him, Matt had that mask over his face and Frank hated all that fancy of Matt, he hated not being able to see his face "Fred Boyer was from here, he had a point of traffic in Brooklyn, his empire must have passed to someone."
"Let's go to Brooklyn then, beat someone up until we find out what his involvement with the others was" Frank got up, disassembled the gun with skill and speed, Matt sometimes shuddered at Frank's ease with those things, He had hands expertly trained to kill.
"I won't have to ask again, will I Frank?" Matt followed, attention on his back where he carried the rifle, He could smell metal and hear the metallic drag on fabric, Matt hated being around those damn things that smelled so oxidizing.
"You said it once Red, no need to say it again I'm not a fucking Child" Frank just made his way out of that building, Matt really thought there would be more reluctance on his part, more fights where they ended up hitting each other, Matt almost wanted to that, but in the end Frank was giving him some weird cooperation and Matt didn't know if that was just because he wanted to get things over with soon or if he respected what Matt wanted, Matt liked to think it was both.
It wasn't difficult to track down Boyer's hideout, given the information Matt had, it was in a small private apartment in Brooklyn, Frank led them there without any ceremony. A good point about all this was that the trafficking with children was almost over, there were no more teenagers on the corners with backpacks full of drugs or protecting hidden warehouses, whoever organized this had backed off, Matt would almost call it a day if there wasn't so much drug trafficking going around already, if it weren't for the lives of those children who were lost. He couldn't leave that part aside, There were still people who had to pay for what they did.
They arrived at the apartment, Frank parked his old car a few blocks away, Matt went over the rooftops and Frank went down the street. Matt had easy access to the roof and waited for Frank to reach the back door of the building. There was only one man on guard there, the unfortunate was almost asleep propped up against the door, Frank attacked him almost without him seeing, he quickly went to the ground stunned. Matt listened attentively, Frank fired a gun with silencer at the door handle and it opened in a messy swing, Frank grabbed the man and brought him inside used his weight to leave the door closed. When Matt heard Frank's footsteps coming up the stairs he knew it was his time, he went down the fire stairs and entered through the first open window he found, there was a small group of men on one of the floors, a guard at the bedroom door. Matt arrived a few seconds before Frank, the guard saw him and raised a gun to Matt who blocked it in time and hit him making him stagger towards Frank who pistol-whipped him on the head making him fall to the ground grunting, Frank lowered his gun and put it in action pose and then he looked at Matt waiting for the signal, He was heaving a little from the exertion, but he still had a scowl on his face that Matt couldn't exactly deduce how his face did, he just saw the tense muscles, Matt also felt his muscles tense and sore.
"Do you really need this?" Matt asked in a low tone, a little out of breath from the struggle, he nodded towards Frank's gun.
"Is to make a scene" He shrugged, Matt believed he just smiled.
Matt ignored it, and soon after he made a sign with his head, Frank kicked the door open with force, it was revealed three men playing poker in that room that smells like a synthetic drug, cocaine was spilling across the table, they jumped out of their chairs scared, their hearts were beating fast and the smell of fear spread through the already stinking room. They were young but not so young, just enough to make you wonder why they were running a trafficking ring. Frank shouted at them to stay still, they threw the cards scattered on the table and the floor. Something inside Matt whistled and he felt dizzy, he shook his hand, missing his improvised sticks that he had lost in the explosion.
"Who's in charge here?" Frank said authoritatively, still pointing the gun at the men.
"Me" a young man said, he had more anger in his voice than fear, But his tense and anxious body showed his immaturity.
"Well" Matt walked up to him, grabbed him by the neck and threw him to the ground, blond hair falling over his pale face "can you tell me what Fred Boyer was doing in that shed the night he died?"
"Damn, you kill my father and you don't even know why you killed him? You got to be kidding me" the young man said in a mocking tone, Matt hit his neck, he screamed and Frank crouched down in front of him.
"We didn't kill your fucking father, as much as I wanted to tell you it was me, his friend was the one who blew up that shed" Frank said the words slowly, his eyes always on the man's "and he's the one we're looking for, we want to know who was orchestrating that auction"
"I don't know what you're talking about, that's a insane joke" the boy gave a desperate laugh, he was just trying to act tough, but he wasn't succeeding, Matt made a sign to let Frank know he was lying, Frank hit him in the nose.
"I'm not fooling around, so tell me, who was the man who was selling those kids to your pervert father?" The man's nose was bleeding and anxiety was starting to fill his body.
"I- I-" he was shaking, with anger, with fear, Matt could guess that even disgust was running through that man.
"Answer soon and you get out of here with all your fingers" Frank unsheathed a knife, left it resting on his knee while talking to him "and if you lie that guy will know" he pointed at Matt who was on the boy's back, he looked at up to see Matt, Matt's body beeped again, he ignored the feeling.
"Don't say anything, don't say anything to them!" The other young man in the room screamed, he had an Austrian accent, his skin was red with panic, Matt was quick to counter it, he knocked him to the ground next to his accomplice with a punch.
"It looks like you have a lot more to say than your friend" Matt said, now facing the two men and beside Frank, the other one in the room remained silent sitting in the chair at the table "spit it out"
"By god, will you leave us alone if I do?" The Austrian babbled.
"Shut up Nigel!" Boyer's son warned.
Frank hit the man once, twice, three times in the face, his face swelled up at the same moment, a cut on his cheek and his eye would turn black, his friend screamed from his side.
"No! stop! You don't have to do that. I'll speak! I'll speak!" he exclaimed.
"Fucking snitch" the other muttered stunned, Frank ignored him this time.
"Damn man the homie killed Mr Fred, he deserves it" the Austrian spit out with less fear And then he looked determinedly at Frank and Matt, a tired look over his frightened gaze "his name is Ramón Tolkins, but he's just a representative" he let out in exasperation.
"The biggest guy is French" Boyer Boyer said in a huff, Frank saw this in doubt by his sudden change in attitude, Boyer glanced at his friends "I don't know his name" he seemed convinced by his companion, Frank believed.
"What do you mean by that?" Matt asked, things seemed to be moving along but he still didn't have it all.
"The stuff is international, Ramón is just the one who takes care of things here" the Austrian replied, his bones shaking but not as much as before.
"But trust me, ending Ramón you end it here in New York" Boyer replied, exhausted and bruised.
"Do you know where I can find this Ramón?" Frank asked, his tone still firm and menacing.
"The guy is hiding in his luxury apartment" Boyer said in a disgusted tone "you going to leave us alone now?"
"For now, as long as you don't cross our path again" Matt say, there was a small cynical part of him that thought they weren't his problem, they weren't in hell's kitchen after all.
Things seemed to have been resolved too quickly for what they were used to, but Frank believed that those kids didn't know exactly what they were doing, And if the father was killed by an inconsequential stupidity of that bastard why not let them take care of it for them? And if Matt didn't say anything about them lying, then they weren't. Frank got up and looked at Matt for a second, as much as part of him was annoyed by those stupid brats, they did their part, they'd take care of them later. With Ramón's location in hand the two left that old apartment, Frank looked at Matt for a second as they made their way back to the car, there was something strange about him, Frank had seen him act as Daredevil before and had seen him with that supercharged energy but this was different, Matt looked more agitated than usual, his jaw was set as his shoulders were rigid, his head was swaying anxiously to the side as if everything around him was calling for his attention, Frank didn't exactly understand what was going on but he knew something was wrong.
"Red, are you okay?" The phrase came out of his throat without him being able to hold it back, he started the car.
"Why are you asking me that?" Matt replied in a harsh tone, but still he took off his mask, he sighed heavily and just said "let's get this over"
Frank didn't say anything else, he just walked on. There was a lot bothering Frank about all this, but he couldn't exactly put a name to that uneasiness, part of it had to do with Matt, he knew. He wasn't used to having partners, and when he do he had to leave them behind for their own safety, but with Matt it was different, Matt was shaped by violence and danger, he listened to them without being able to tune out the cruel world around him, Matt had nothing to lose by working with Frank and he was in this life by choice. For once it wasn't Frank leading people towards danger.They were on the same page of selfless self-destruction they chose to be on, Frank shouldn't feel guilt for having Matt by his side, but he felt guilt.He couldn't help but look at Matt and his goddamn face and think he didn't deserve any of this, but Frank couldn't help it, what he did was the usual stuff, tucked it all away in his mind and go ahead with the mission and maybe after all this, he could disappear from everyone's sight for a while, again.They just drove in silence to the hotel they were told, the car parked on the corner, enough to be discreet but still observe, the building was large and had a bright facade of chic lighting, it had a glass door and receptionists at the entrance, the sun it had gone on for a few hours and people were rushing through the front door, the entrance locked and controlled with keycards.
"How are we going to get in?" Frank grunted more than asked, Matt watched for a while.
"I'm going to walk over there, see what I can find out" Matt proposed, his insides itching to just go in there and get that guy, Maybe just breathe a little.
Frank waved and Matt grabbed a coat from the back seat and got out of the car, his feet were walking on ice slipping on the asphalt but the weather wasn't as cold now as before, but even so he zipped up the coat more. It was Frank's, he smelled like Frank, Matt let it dissipate for a minute. The feel of Frank wrapped around him was almost nauseating, but so… oddly cozy. Matt shook his head quickly, he almost wanted to throw that coat off and set it on fire, his heart hurt and he kept it in the depths of his being, whatever it was, and went back to concentrating, he stopped in front of the hotel, tried to listen, everything was very loud he was having difficulty focusing his senses and everything seemed distorted. He took a deep breath, hating how all the smells of the city entered his nose at once, but he tried, tried very hard to concentrate on what was to be done until a little conversation from the receptionist caught his attention.
"It's still a little difficult" she chuckled, she had a high pitched voice and clumsy, but attractive "to memorize all the names and faces"
"You get used to it over time, you don't need to charge yourself so much it's still your first week" the other said, older, but distracted.
It was exactly the cue Matt needed and he wondered if God was in a good mood that night, he got back in the car opened the door and sat in the seat again and started rummaging around in the glove compartment looking for a pair of sunglasses he knew It was there.
"Okay, I need you to pretend to guide me" he put the glasses on his face, they sure had a horrible shape but it would do what he wanted to convey.
"Is that your plan?" Frank gave a small smile as if he wanted to make fun of Matt but he just ignored it.
"Yes let's go" he got out of the car and Frank followed "trust me" he reached out to grab the back of Frank's arm who instinctively bent it for Matt to lean on, Matt froze, noticing how close it felt, he had to keep ignoring everything, stay with what needed to be done, but it was getting harder and harder.
Frank was a little shaken by this, he didn't exactly trust people, and it had gotten him into countless problems before, but he mostly hated trusting people because it meant worrying, with Matt trusting him was one thing, now admitting to himself that he trust in Matt felt like a shot in the chest, he chose to not say anything, preferred to ignore the thought and just do what Matt wanted. They walked to the door of the building, Matt put a fake smile on his face that Frank could only describe as naive and silly and they walked to some small glass turnstiles that blocked the passage, Matt put his hands in his pockets and made a show of how he had Missing something, Frank had to help himself from laughing, so they went to the hostess desk and Matt went straight to the younger one with Frank "guiding" him in front.
"Hello, good evening! did you come to book a room?" The lady said in a pre-rehearsed sentence.
"Not really, I forgot my card upstairs, would you be able to let me in?" He had a polite tone but unlike his usual tone, he still wouldn't let go of Frank's arm who tried to act Naturally and politely "you know, I can't exactly see where I leave the things" Frank couldn't stop laughing at this one and neither did Miss receptionist who gave an uncomfortable laugh not quite knowing how to respond, a manipulation game Matt knew how to play and unnerve someone.
"Ah yes I understand, could I have your name please?" She looked at the two of them, waiting.
"Ramón Tolkins" Matt said without flourish and, God, that name was really horrible on him, Frank thought, the girl looked at her computer for a moment.
"Ramón Tolkins hmm... Ah, room 605 sixth floor, right?" She said innocently her big eyes towards them.
"Yes that one!" Matt was still smiling politely.
"Aye, Right, the entrance has already been released!" she pointed to the entrance where the small card reader lit up in a green light in a clear explanation that it was open.
"Thank you dear" Matt thanked in an eloquent tone, the girl gave a disconcerted laugh but her cheeks got red.
The two walked to the elevator, they waited and it came empty, they entered and Frank clicked on the sixth floor, Matt was still holding onto him and Frank waited for the door to close to make his petty comment.
"Thank you dear? How charming you are" he let out a chuckle, Matt pulled away at the same moment.
"Shut up idiot, we're in, aren't we? And I don't get any compliments?" Matt's brow furrowed and Frank found it amusing to himself how easy it was to memorize all of Matt's specific mannerisms.
"Not yet, we don't know if the guy is actually there"
"If not, we'll wait, but he won't leave here" Frank just agreed and the elevator door opened.
The hallway was empty and again Matt thanked God for his goodness, they walked across the tacky carpet that rich people loved for some reason and out to the door of room 605. Matt listened, three hearts, two women and a man, he was there, He gave Frank a warning look that he understood and brought his hand to the silenced revolver at his waist, Matt waited for Frank to lead. Frank then blasted the door latch with a shot, they quickly entered the room, Ramón was sitting on an expensive sofa, two women sat next to him they jumped in their seats and the women screamed and lifted their dresses which were purposefully almost falling down.
"What the hell is that?" He exclaimed and straightened up, he had olive skin and long dark hair fell behind his ears, on his face a unkempt mustache "You two again? Isn't it enough make me wipe out all my merchandise and half my clientele?" Just for that simple comment Matt could have punched his face until he had no teeth left, he felt like doing that right now.
"You come with us, will tell us everything about your boss" Frank took the reins, the gun pointed at Ramón.
"Oh I don't think so" he chuckled, that's when Matt heard that fourth heartbeat.
It was all very fast, a tall man with thick muscles came from behind them and grabbed Frank's neck, he grunted and tried to hit the man, Matt jumped in anticipation, jumped and hit the man's arms with a kick, the man let go of Frank for a second but Ramón ran through the door towards the corridor.
"Go!" Frank exclaimed and the men snarled and hit him in the face with a closed fist.
Matt hesitated, He hesitated, about leaving Frank there and running after Ramón. He was feeling stupid, horrible, how had he not heard that fucking man, how had he not noticed? He didn't have time to think about it now, he ran after Ramón for that run to the staff stairs, a poor cleaner was walking there and he was pushed by both of them. Matt couldn't help but hear his heart, loud inside him as he stalked that man, adrenaline coursing through his veins but not in the way he was used to, the way that gave him the energy to keep going with the fight. Matt managed to corner Ramón in a turn, he managed to hit him with a kick and throw him against the wall, a hand-to-hand fight started, Matt hit Ramón but suddenly he took a knife out of his pocket, Matt heard the wind sizzle when that knife almost hit his face, he was still disoriented. He couldn't concentrate, he couldn't stop thinking, he remembered that night in the caiz, he remembered the frightened children, the explosion, it all came flooding back in a second, his heart beat so hard his veins ached, he couldn't take it anymore. Breathing, he didn't even realize where he was hitting, it all seemed too much, all the noise of New York was in his ears when suddenly everything stopped, he didn't hear, nothing, all blind for a moment, He felt the stab in his stomach before slowly the sound came back, he heard Ramón's footsteps go down the stairs, he ran away.
Matt let him runaway.
°°°
Matt opened the apartment door with an anger that couldn't fit in his chest, he's lost the man, he's lost the goddamn man, through stupid, stupid carelessness, he can't afford to have that kind of weakness, he can't afford to give in that way. He stumbled on the sofa in the living room, he cursed softly, completely disoriented, his heart was pounding and his breathing was so loud, he also heard Frank's boots on the floor following him across the room he called to him but Matt just couldn't think of anything, he didn't even know where he was going, he found the coffee table, knocked over everything on it with a scream. His wound hurt, he took his hand to the cut on his stomach and bothered with the fabric scratching the skin, he took it off along with the mask in the same second throwing it somewhere in the room. Frank's hands grip his bare shoulders instantly, it was all too much, too much.
"Fuck, Red" Frank turned him towards him, a cloth was placed next to the cut on his stomach, his hand pressed there, Matt squealed and held Frank's hand close to his body "Stop acting crazy and fucking listen to me"
"He got away, that son of a bitch got away" Matt slumped forward, his forehead resting on Frank's shoulder, his hands still supporting his.
"He did but it doesn't help blaming yourself for it" Frank looked irritated but not accusatory, he didn't say anything else just held Matt there for a while until he regrouped "it's ok Matt calm down"
Frank wasn't mad at Matt, he didn't seem to be on his best days, and Frank still didn't understand exactly his role there, he would just support him, they were in this damn shit together. They stayed there for a while. Matt leaning on Frank while he collected himself, he smelled Frank and for a thousandth of his life he didn't let himself blame himself for it, he smelled gunpowder, coffee and a little woody touch that reminded him of cinnamon, Matt heard him breathe, heard his steady heartbeat, he leaned there, he knew he shouldn't, but he did, He clung to Frank as if he could lie in his skin, he couldn't remember the last time he let himself be touched by someone's touch in this way, and little by little the world around him made more sense. Frank is still watching him intently, Matt's breathing is heavy and there's sweat running down his forehead, for a short moment Frank seems hyper aware of everything around him, he seems to be watching Matt a lot. He noticed the curve of the neck and that white skin that seemed to reflect even more that strong neon light that entered the window, he saw the well mounted and broad shoulders where his arms descended in lean but well defined muscles, his chest rose and fell in an almost hypnotic movement, Frank stopped his eyes there for a while, noted the way they were bulky and had little spots there and here, in the middle of them hung a silver chain with a cross on the end, as if it were a small warning in the middle of a threat sinful. Matt's hands gripped tighter on top of his, he felt his own fingers touching his waist, the other hand rested him firmly on his hip, Matt's hands held tight around his neck. The heat drained from his body as if he was sensing Matt's temperature, he felt his own heart miss a beat and ice go through his stomach.
"I feel your eyes on me, Castle" Matt lifted his face, as if he wanted to look into Frank's eyes, as if he wanted to show Frank that he had been caught "There's something wrong?"
"this shit won't stop bleeding" he said in exasperation, avoiding Matt's eyes as if that made any difference, he pulled away but still holding Matt, so he led him to the couch.
Matt looked better, he had a little smug air about him, his eyes a sharp glint even if they were out of focus, Frank felt vulnerable for a moment like he was being cornered by a tiger, but that little moment passed and Matt complained of pain and his energy passed, he became the vulnerable one now, and Frank hated to admit he liked that dynamic better. Frank by this time already knew where Matt keeps the first aid kit, he took it and sat next to Matt on the couch, he still felt strange, he was confused, why Matt suddenly seemed so...? God, he wasn't finding Matt attractive, was he? He gave an inward leap at the thought, no, no no, that doesn't make sense, does it?
"We're fucked" Matt interrupted his train of thought, he was holding the thread and needle in his hand, he didn't understand what Matt meant "we're terribly fucked, how are we going to find this guy now?"
"Shut up, Red, we'll think about it later" he replied sharply, took the cloth from Matt's hand with some force he complained, and Frank started his work "I swear this is the last time I do this."
"I'm sorry" and again Frank was caught off guard, that tone was too serious, too vulnerable "god I'm so tired"
Frank didn't answer, didn't know what to say, what words to say, he continued his work stitching Matt's wound again, luckily that knife was small and didn't go in too far. They stayed there for a while, Frank had to really avoid not falling with attention on Matt's body again, he didn't understand the meaning of it, it didn't have a meaning, that didn't mean anything right? By god he hoped it meant nothing. Matt wasn't in better waters, he still saw himself falling there, in that immensity of frank in his mind, he could just be going crazy or Frank was drugging him in some way to make him so, addicted, like this. They were silent in the living room, Matt laid his face on the sofa, he was tired both physically and psychologically, he just wanted to disappear for a while, Frank watched his features fade and Matt calmly fell asleep.
They were really fucked up.
•••
Frank fell asleep on Matt's couch without him noticing, he woke up in the morning with Matt walking across the room, he stretched with his body aching in that awkward position and rubbed his face. Matt jumped in place as if he'd been startled by Frank.
"Sorry, I didn't want to wake you up" Matt passed in front of him, picked up some papers that he had dropped the night before, he was wearing a suit and was running in a hurry "I have a meeting today with a client"
Frank didn't answer he just continued to follow Matt with his eyes, This version of Matt he had seen only a few times, he could only remember that day at his own trial and then how things have changed since then, He continued to stare at Matt in his fancy suit and with a flick of his coat caused by Matt's haste he noticed the spreading stain of blood on Matt's white dress shirt.
"You're bleeding" Frank got up, walking towards him, The barely slept sleep still in his head.
"What?" He stopped and took his hand to the wound and the bloodstain, his senses still weren't good Frank realized, for him not to have noticed it "damn it, was my last clean shirt"
Matt cursed to himself and scratched his forehead and sighed, he was still out of balance, Frank felt himself stir inside, he felt uncomfortable with Matt being like this, he just wanted, wanted to make him calm down. He approached with quiet steps when he got close he noticed Matt turning his face slightly to the side, he was listening to Frank, realizing where he was. Frank put his hands on Matt's jacket, he jumped in place as if not expecting Frank's touch, first he ran his hand over the wound, the stitches were intact just had leaked blood so Frank closed his jacket and pressed the buttons, for some reason he got nervous about it, and Matt looked too, he frowned and squirmed in his hands, but Frank couldn't help but notice, he couldn't contain the thought. Matt looked so good in a suit.
"Now, no one will see" his voice came out more velvety than he waited and Matt shuddered at that tone, he felt his whole body burn as if he had been thrown straight into the mouth of hell, but he liked it, he liked that damn fire.
"Thanks" Matt just said, and then bit his lip, still feeling sick inside "look, Frank, last night I-"
"Don't apologize, you're going to piss me off" Frank just said, he couldn't look away from Matt.
"But-" he tried to say.
"Nothing else Red, finish it I'll take you where you need to go" and Frank simply walked away leaving Matt confused and exasperated.
Matt hated it, hated it, when Frank acted like that, when Frank showed that kindness and that he cared about Matt and not just this stupid mission, Matt hated how it made him feel, because part of it he just didn't understand what the fuck it was, sometimes he just wanted to hit Frank so he would stop being so stupid and leave him acting like an idiot, he wanted to scream hit something rather than have to deal with all of this. Matt didn't complain, there was no use saying anything to Frank's stubborn head, he just grabbed his briefcase and followed Frank down the stairs to his apartment. He felt so pathetic.
Frank dropped Matt off where he needed to be and they didn't exchange another word, Frank walked silently back to his apartment. When he arrived, he left the weapons bag beside the door, He took a deep breath, his trigger finger trembling over his shirt sleeve, he wiped his hand over his face and went to take a shower. The water didn't heat up right but it was what he needed right now, he just couldn't stop thinking, he was going to go crazy, he lifted his face and let the icy water pass he let the water wash over his face as if it could make those thoughts go away, That didn't work. He had never felt like this before, he didn't even think that this could be a possibility, he had never thought of anything but Mari for good years of his life, It had caught him completely off guard, life always seemed like it had one hell of a problem for him every time he thought things were right. He understood part of his feeling of guilty now. He got out of the shower, the cold making his muscles ache, he looked at himself in the mirror, a portrait he didn't recognize in a long time, but he could see his own mess through his blurry eyes, He leaned his forehead against the glass and closed his eyes, but it was a failed attempt to calm down, he ended up punching the sink in a stupid act, he cursed and put his hand to his head.
"Fuck" he mumbled "...Fuck..."
•••
Frank tried to stay on the things that mattered they still had a case to solve, so he made a call, someone who could help. They arranged to meet in that dirty bar Josie's, Frank went into that bar that had more drunks than the day would be ideal to have. Dinah madani was sitting on the counter, Still elegant but in a dangerous way that irritated Frank, when she saw him she didn't smile just gave him a sharp look that's when Frank saw Karen sitting next to her, she had her hair tied up and a maple coat And looked as pretty as ever, as soon as she saw him she got up, she almost ran for his hug.
"Karen" he hugged her back, his thin arms around his neck, he really missed her, just for everything they'd been through, he cherished her as an ally and someone he wanted to protect "what are you doing here? "
"I thought she might be able to help" Madani sipped her drink "it's good to see you, Castle" Frank just nodded in respect and agreement.
"It's good that she called me, Matt doesn't tell me anything at all, it's frustrating" she went back to sit next to madani, the two exchanged a knowing look that Frank couldn't decipher what it was.
"But you really shouldn't get involved" Frank sat down, didn't order a drink.
"I'm really tired of this speech" and Frank agreed, he knew what Karen was capable of, but even so it bothered him putting her in danger.
"So what's the case?" Madani asked, still sharp with no turns, what that woman had of beauty she had of interest in justice. Frank explained the situation, the two listened attentively.
"What I wanted to give to you is the investigation with about this man Ramón's boss, Ramón we can take care ourselves but we can't get involved in international situations" Frank finished, Madani stared at the empty glass.
"I can start an investigation into this, this is a big case, we don't know how many more children are being coerced and sold into this story" she said seriously, she was still extremely professional, and Frank was grateful for the help she could offer.
"I can help look for Ramón, he shouldn't have gone very far" Karen said and Frank knew he couldn't get her out of this situation anymore, even if he tried she could still go after this guy alone.
"Let's find him interrogate him, find out what this whole scheme is, and you get the guy" Frank admitted to Madani.
"I'm impressed you didn't want to kill the man, Frank, does that have anything to do with that Devil?" Madani made a provocative comment, Frank felt his anger flood his body but he held back.
"Just do what I said, ok?" He didn't want to be rude, not to them, so he held back.
"It just surprises me that you're actually working with him after all that fight" Madani gave a little laugh and got up "your time with me is over but I'll look into the case, anything i get I'll get in touch, see you around" and again she and Karen exchanged knowing glances and Frank was really lost in what was going on.
Karen and Frank were then alone in that bar, Karen ended up ordering a drink for both of them, the mood was calm but there was obviously tension in Karen, she was worried and wanted to talk, Frank just waited when she felt comfortable.
"Frank, how is Matt?" She finally asked, Frank jumped in place at the mention of his name "I hate to ask you this"
"To be honest, I don't even know Karen " Frank let out a long sigh, he really didn't know, he didn't even know if he himself was okay, and he really didn't want to be talking about Matt at now.
"He's pulling away again, and when he does that normally he always ends up in danger that he can't handle alone" she commented absently, nose red in the cold, Frank felt for her, really did, they had similar concerns and wanted to take care of the same people.
"He's not alone now" he tried to reassure her, but that very statement bothered him, he really cared about Matt, he really didn't want it to come to this point.
"I know" she flashed a warm smile, Frank eased the tension out of her shoulders "I'm grateful for that"
They talk for a while after that, about banal, trivial things, and he didn't think they'd ever had a conversation like this before, it was good, a weight he was carrying had lifted from him, Karen had a singular care for people, but she forgot to take care of herself, and Frank understood Matt's role in that, he wanted to protect them but he always did it the wrong way. They were all so broken and distorted, like they couldn't live and relate like normal people, but in the end really none of them could. The afternoon passed and they said goodbye with another warm hug, the two wished that they were both okay, and went on their way, Frank went home, his head in a fervent noise, but he didn't let himself feel anything for the time, he opened a bottle of beer and set about cleaning his weapons, not a single thought was allowed to surface, and that was how the rest of the days went by.
•••
Matt was running across the rooftops of Hells Kitchen that night, it wasn't any of the guys he wanted to catch just a mugger because crime in that damn town never stopped. The man ran down the street just below the building until he turned into an alley next to Matt's apartment, he jumped to the ground coming up behind the man and cornering him in that alley, it didn't take long for a fight to start Matt quickly landed some kicks and punches the man tried to react but then he was stunned. Matt acted like a beast, barely thinking about what he was doing, barely seeing what happened, he still felt that anger and that restlessness inside him and he was completely itching to get it out. That's when he heard that small metallic click, the man had taken a gun out of his pocket, Matt barely had time to react when the gun was pointed at his head almost a few centimeters from the man. Matt tried to act and ran to intercept the man but he didn't hear when he pulled the trigger. The bullet grazed the side of his ear. Everything exploded. He heard nothing, he staggered back and fell, the world suddenly silent, he hoped it was just for a second like happened with Ramón, but it lasted, it lasted and he didn't know how long, he fell into despair, he no longer knew where he was or how to get out of there, it was when he felt the smell of gunpowder and coffee that he felt he was going to faint, fall and die right there.
The hands found his shoulders and this time he wasn't afraid, he recognized the tightness in his skin, he let himself be led to wherever Frank was taking him. He was still panicking, he smelled blood and his stomach turned, everything felt so strong, they stopped, he felt Frank's rummage but heard nothing, nothing, And in the next second he heard all at once.
It was like another explosion, the sound of the city, the cars, the sirens, the footsteps of people, the building creaking, the dog downstairs stomping its paws on the floor, he felt pain in his head and and his stomach turned.
"Frank" He tried to say it in a whisper but it was a fuss inside him to hear his own voice, he groaned and the noise hurt too, he was shaking and he just wanted this hell to stop for at least a second.
That's when he felt Frank's hand take his and take it to his heart, he felt it there beating, pulsing over his palm, felt Frank's chest move as he said.
"it's okay, it's me, calm down"
Frank's voice was muffled in the middle of all the noise but it was still there and Matt latched onto that sound, the sound of his heart, he felt like he was going crazy, he really was going crazy, it must be delirium the feeling pounding in his chest, wanting to break his ribs and leave out. Everything was too much, the world, the sounds, the smells, himself, but somehow Frank wasn't bad, his arms around him, the tight grip keeping him from the world, the face pressed against his neck keeping him sane. Frank was his pillar at that moment, Matt was completely at the mercy of Frank and God, he didn't give a shit, he didn't give a shit what it was, or if it was wrong, or if there were a million other things Matt had to worry about, He let himself be cared for, he let himself be touched, he let himself feel Frank on his skin. Matt could no longer deny, deny this burning, this heat, this explosion in his chest, everything ached to come out. He squeezed harder, giving back everything Frank had given him, everything Frank had done, everything Frank was. He squeezed like he was his world, and in that moment, he could be.
Matt didn't realize when he started to cry, and barely noticed when he stopped, the only indication that he was there was his wet cheeks on Frank's damp shoulder, little by little for his luck his hearing was returning to normal, The world around them calmer as if there were only the two of them. They were in his apartment at least, he didn't even know how they got there, His legs were shaking from post crisis exhaustion, He didn't let go of Frank, and neither did he want to.
"Are you ok?" Frank asks whispering with face in his shoulders, Matt nod, face in Frank's neck "Fuck Red..." Matt sniffled, he didn't want to talk about it, but Frank was there, Matt thought it selfish not to share this with him now that he had seen him in his greater vulnerability.
"It doesn't happen that often" he said softly, taking a deep breath "It happened a lot when I was a kid, it was really hard to avoid getting overstimulated... I trained these senses for a long time but it still happens" Matt didn't really know what to say anymore, didn't want Frank to leave "But it got worse after..." He bit his lip "After you shot me that time" Frank's grip tightened, his hands on his back gripping his shirt.
"I'm sorry" Frank squeezed him tighter and his voice got choked up "God, I'm so sorry"
"Frank-" His voice faltered too, he didn't expect this, he didn't expect any of this from Frank, he didn't understand how he deserved all this, he didn't understand how he deserved Frank to care about him, How he deserved Frank's kindness "it's ok i-"
"No it's not- no, don't say that, I'm an idiot" Frank took a deep breath and Matt heard his heart miss a beat "I'm sorry, Matt" Hearing Frank say his name at that moment sent a shiver down his spine and Matt didn't know if it was a good thing or a bad thing.
They were silent, just absorbing each other, everything that had happened, everything that had been said. Frank held Matt's hand to his chest, left him there until he was really calm. Frank's heartbeat was always calm and heavy, present and steady. Matt envied how Frank could be so calm in such difficult situations but now Matt could only thank him for his calm, Frank's warmth was close and Matt could feel the way Frank was staring at him, eyes glued to his face wet and swollen from crying , Matt couldn't help thinking why Frank was there, he was so pathetic and desolate, blind in Frank's hands and he was still there, gentle as always, it confused him so much, how a man who had done so many Heinous and Heinous acts could touch him in this way, to touch his rotten heart like no one else had ever done before. How did Matt not deserve the same fate that hundreds have had at Frank's hand? Matt started to cry again, the world around him fading away, there was only him and Frank and his heart, Matt couldn't understand how any of that was happening, but for once Matt didn't want to question why anymore. Things happen as they should happen, his Father would say, And he found it ironic to have any biblical thoughts at this time.
"Frank- " he tried to say, Face in Frank's neck again, Frank just made a nodding sound and rubbed his back, Matt felt his body melt next to his, Matt felt like he wanted to live under his warm skin forever "Frank... Could you stay? " He had the nerve to say, He didn't care about anything else.
"I'm not going anywhere" Matt didn't know why but he was relieved by the certainty that Frank had said, if Matt wanted him to stay Frank would stay, and even if Matt didn't want Frank would still stay.
They didn't say anything else, and holding Frank's wrist Matt guided them to his bed the soft sheets hugged Matt who didn't realize how much he needed them, Frank followed him and that's when he realized how shy Frank looked, Matt took his blind gaze where he knew Frank was and tried to give him the best "it's okay" look he could at the moment, and Frank got into bed with him, Matt didn't even think and snuggled into his arms like a cat asking for shelter in one rainy night, Frank hugged him back like it was nothing, like it was ordinary, everyday life, Matt didn't want to think, didn't want to question, he just slept, his ear in Frank's heart.