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when alec meets his new brother in the morning a few months after meeting him for the first time, he guides jace with light, feathered hands to the altar. he, after twenty minutes, stops hesitating and opens the door. the pulls his new brother down, into the chapel, and folds to his knees in front of raziel's statue. he lights a candle and presses his palms together and thanks raziel for everything he has gained.
jace sits next to him, fidgeting, and when alec opens his eyes to stand, he takes a deep breath in.
"alec?" jace asks, and he feels a rush of delight - though it never shows on his face - at the name. "why do you- why did you come down here with me?"
"jace, do you know why we can see demons?" he asks softly. "why we can fight them?"
"because raziel came to jonathon shadowhunter three housand years ago and bade him to protect, obviously," jace rolls his eyes. "but why are we down here?"
"there's a reason for every single action we take as shadowhunters." alec stands properly, turning to jace. "sometimes, there is conflict in me, you know; things that don't work as they should. i've got something in my brain and a conflicting body and i hate myself sometimes for feeling like this." he shrugs. "you know what i'm talking about?"
"the fact that you go by alec when maryse and robert clearly both call you your full name, something you're clearly uncomfortable with?" jace half-laughs a little. "yeah, i know exactly what you're talking about."
"yeah, well, they don't accept- that. instead of trying to change their minds or whatever - they're stubborn and i can't change it - i take solace in what i know. the angels made me who i am and what i am. they have a purpose to everything, and one of those things must have been making me the way i am." alec smiles over at him a little. "is it hard for me to accept that they want me to be a certain way? yes, but at the same time i know that we must struggle. this is nothing more than another struggle i have to fight through."
"why are you telling me, though?" jace cocks his head.
because there's a shaodw in your eyes, alec wants to say. because there's something in you that i recognized as the same in me. because there is a hungry, desperate monster in you that i know. i see the molten gold in your eyes when i look into the mirror. i know you as intrisinically i know myself, and i know you know it too. i don't deserve to have you, but there is something about you that feels it doesn't belong. there's a shadowed monster bleeding through your veins that insists that you possess everything you see.
"because i think you want something to hold on to, too." alec says with a shrug. "because i see you, jace lightwood."