Chapter Text
Andrew’s hands gripped the counter hard enough to turn his knuckles white. Neil stood a few feet away by the window, looking down at the snow covered parking lot. Flurries had started dancing past the glass again and Andrew was sure they’d get snowed in by nightfall. He took a shaky breath and ran a hand through his sweaty hair. He desperately needed a shower and to brush his teeth. He reeked of alcohol and sugar cookies.
Neil didn’t take his eyes off the snowfall as he said, “This was supposed to be ours.”
“You left me.”
“I didn’t have a—” Neil froze as he turned around to see the tears running hot and angry down Andrew’s cheeks. They were like a tap that couldn’t be turned off. Years had passed in dry, resolute madness and all it took was a pair of gemstone eyes to break the dam. “Andrew.” Neil took a step towards him, hand extended like he wanted to reach out and touch him. To wipe away the tears—but Andrew harshly recoiled and turned away.
“You left me.”
“Andrew.”
“You fucking left me in that hospital bed for a month. No text, no call. You want to know what that did to me?” Andrew was livid. Spit flying past his lips as he yelled across that apartment at him. All of the yelling echoed off the walls and slammed right back into him like a vicious game of ping pong. “I mourned your death! I swore to god that Ichirou had finally put a bullet in that empty fucking head of yours and you were nothing but dust and I was so beside myself—so fucking unable to cope with it, that I tried to kill myself.”
Neil’s arms wrapped around him from behind and Andrew turned to let him cradle him tight against his chest. He held him while he cried. Six months of anger sliding down the drain. When the last of it finally glugged down the gutter of Andrew’s heart, he slumped hard against him and they slid down the kitchen island to sit on the floor. Andrew was halfway in Neil’s lap. Neil stroked his hair with a soft but steady hand.
“I—It was so different for me,” Neil whispered at last. “I always knew where you were. I knew that you were safe. Jean stayed in Baltimore, he kept tabs on you for me. I knew that you were with Abby and that was the best place for you.”
“I didn’t want to be there.”
“You couldn’t be with me. You still can’t be with me. After everything I’ve told you, why would you even want to?”
Neil was right. After everything that he’d revealed about the last six months, who in their right mind would want to be with a man like that? Neil had killed people. Dozens. He’d been set on a path of destruction since the day that Ichirou let him out of Evermore. Andrew’s mind conjured the image of six bodies in a French living room, each with their tongues cut out and a bullet in their brains. Even after all of the things that Andrew had seen, been through, it still haunted him. He couldn’t even begin to imagine how much it haunted Neil. Traitors. That’s how Neil had described them. People who had betrayed the Moriyama’s in either name or value. Gambling with word or coin that was not theirs to share. And like a plague in Egypt—Nathaniel Wesninski came for them. Darkening the skies and raining fire with a little shadow named Remi on his tail to smite them clean off this earth.
Andrew swallowed thickly. The girl was a separate problem. She was young and Moriyama owned. She’d never known anything other than the organization. Similarly to Jean, she’d been sold. Sold like an animal. Something less than human—and now she was—less than human.
Remi Demers was nothing less than a force to be reckoned with. Nathaniel being granted the position of her handler was more of an insult than a reward. Neil described her as a sociopath. She was worse than a dog who was at the very least loyal to a master. Remi was driven by her need for control and killing was her way to achieve it. The Moriyama’s granted her with the means to do what fulfilled her most basic instincts. Neil called it a disease.
“What do we do now?” The question hung in the air between them.
Neil just kept stroking Andrew’s hair like he hadn’t even heard him speak. They stayed like that for a few more minutes until Neil nudged Andrew to stand up. Andrew scrambled to his feet, stumbling a bit. He took Andrew by the hand and drug him to the bathroom. He flicked on the brand new LED light fixture and methodically started checking the mirrored medicine cabinets. All of which were empty. He turned to crack open the white towel closet behind him and found that empty too. This was the guest bath. The main bath was attached to the master bedroom. The shower in this one was rather small and didn’t have a tub.
“You didn’t bring anything with you.”
“I was too busy planning my next suicide attempt to think about soap and towels,” Andrew deadpanned.
Neil didn’t find that humorous and gave him a look.
“Abby and Coach brought all my stuff to their apartment. They weren’t sure if I was going to stay with them again or be by myself. Nobody wanted me to be alone. My brother and Kevin have been insufferable.”
“Seems like the attention was necessary.”
Andrew shrugged.
Neil told him to wait there and left the bathroom. He heard the jingle of his cat keychain leave the countertop and the door close quietly. A few minutes later, Neil returned with two towels and a plastic bag filled with bathroom supplies. Toothbrushes, toothpaste, shampoo, body wash, and body lotion. Andrew wrinkled his nose as he picked up the lotion. He hadn’t invested in anything as inconsequential as self-care in the past six months.
“What? Is the scent bad?”
“No, I just…realized I have a lot to tell Bee during our next session.”
They brushed their teeth side by side and Andrew couldn’t help but feel something bitter linger in his chest at the sight of them together in the mirror. So much lost time. Neil stripped Andrew’s clothes off and helped him into the shower before stripping off his own clothes and following him in. This time, Andrew was able to get a really in-depth look at all of Neil’s injuries. Without the bandages covering his wounds, Andrew could see how much of the damage was superficial and how much of it should’ve actually killed him. Fresh scars littered his thighs and arms. Andrew traced his fingers over the strange soft puffy scars. He’d never seen anything like them before. Hot iron pokers, Neil had whispered when he noticed Andrew staring.
“They tortured me,” he whispered. “To make sure I wouldn’t run back to you.”
“Ichirou?”
“You were ironically the biggest threat to the Moriyama’s and you didn’t even know it. Your existence was my metaphorical ball and chain. They threatened to kill you if I didn’t fall in line. If I didn’t do what I promised them. Then, when the threats of killing you weren’t enough…they threatened to take you. Make you like me. Turn you into a killer.”
Andrew felt like he was going to be sick. He turned around and Neil started running his shampoo coated fingers through his hair. He closed his eyes at the sensation. “I’m sorry.”
“Don’t apologize,” Neil said, sharply. His fingers tightened in Andrew’s hair.
“I’m the weak one, this entire time you were…and I was here.” Safe and sound.
“Don’t. You had it worse. I spent six months pretending Neil Josten didn’t exist. This entire time you were forced to be Andrew Minyard. You had time to grieve me. Nathaniel Wesninski did not grieve your death.”
It was the most heartless thing Andrew had ever heard him say.
~
“Do you think he’s going to be okay?” Jeremy wondered aloud after Neil had left Abby’s for a second time with an armful of bathroom supplies.
Coach and Matt were busy taping the window over. Abby had made a second round of hot cocoas for everyone with shaking hands. None of the Foxes knew what to say.
Jean seemed to be the only one not shaken up after the attempt on his life. He filed his fingernails as he leaned against the wall. He held his hand out to inspect and then went back to filing. “Nathaniel will be fine,” he said, his French accent thicker than ever.
“I meant Andrew. I know the other psychopath is going to be fine.”
Allison shook her head. “Andrew’s not fine. He hasn’t been fine for months.”
“My brother is tough. He’ll be fine,” Aaron insisted, handing Matt the roll of duct tape that had been just out of his reach.
“Andrew struggles but he always seems to make it through,” Nicky added.
Dan stood up, hands on the hips of her Christmas themed pajama bottoms. “Are we not going to talk about the fact that Neil is being followed around by a professional killer?”
It was a valid point to bring up. Jeremy looked to Jean. He was the one who seemed to know the most about Remi. Jean caught the stare and shrugged. He didn’t want to talk about her.
“I’m sure Neil has it under control,” Jeremy said.
“Are we talking about the same Neil?” Dan muttered.
Jeremy shrugged. “We have to trust Andrew and Andrew trusts Neil.”
“But does Andrew trust Nathaniel Wesninski? Do you Jean?” Dan asked him directly now.
Jean stopped filing and let his gray eyes flicker up to meet hers. “What does it matter what I think? I’m not a Fox.”
“Yes, you are,” at least three people agreed at the same time.
Jean rolled his eyes. “Fine, you want my opinion? Don’t say I didn’t warn you…I think having Nathaniel on your side is the best thing you could have in this situation. He spent six months morphing into an absolute killing machine. Six months getting tortured by the Moriyama’s. Six months doing some of the most unspeakable acts just to protect the boy named Andrew Minyard. Ichirou tested his resolve, his will, and decided that Nathaniel was worthy of an empire of blood. Everything that has happened to Nathaniel has only made his shell harder to crack. Has made him unbeatable. Dangerous. Everything that Neil did to not become his father was all for naught and the only thing standing inbetween him becoming that monster and staying sane is Andrew. So if you are asking if I trust him…what exactly are you asking me? Are you asking if I trust him with my life? Yes, of course. He’s saved me on countless occasions. Do I trust him not to burn down my kitchen while trying to make dinner? No way. Do I trust him to protect those he’s chosen to be his family…which is every single one of you, by the way…then yes. There is nothing Nathaniel wouldn’t do at his own expense for his family. It’s all he has to live for.”
The Foxes gaped at Jean. It was the most that Jeremy had ever heard him say in a single sitting. Jean went back to filing his nails.
~
Lips met teeth and tongue like an explosion of sparks. Andrew was on fire from just a single stroke of Neil’s finger down the side of his face. The kiss was fierce. A breathy moan slipped past Neil’s lips accompanied by a whine as Andrew ran his fingers down the slick skin of his ribs. Droplets chased each other down their chests as the steaming spray of water beat against their bodies. The water would turn cold soon but that was the last thing on his mind as Neil bit down sharp against his neck. “Let me touch you,” Neil whispered against the skin there.
“Yes or no?” Andrew asked in a breathless whisper.
“Yes, always yes,” Neil hissed his reply.
Andrew took the permission as a go-ahead to shove Neil hard into the shower wall. He yelped at the contact of the ice cold tiles. Andrew dropped to his knees to take him into his mouth. His hands wrapping the back of his thighs trying to keep his touch gentle while he fucked Neil with his throat. His knees scraped against the floor of the shower and he tried not to wince at the sting. Neil’s fists slammed hard into the shower wall behind him.
“Fuck!”
Andrew kept going, knowing that Neil was close. His throat ached from the pressure and speed but he didn’t slow even once. Not until Neil gently took his face into his hands and stopped him.
“I need you to fuck me, right now.”
“Are you sure?”
Neil’s eyes were desperate as he nodded.
“Yes or no. You have to say it.”
“Yes, Andrew. Stand up and fuck me against the wall.”
Andrew stood and kissed him, his lips slick with saliva mixing with the minty-ness of the toothpaste they’d shoved in their mouths before they gotten in the shower. “We don’t fuck…”
“We make love,” Neil finished, almost impatiently and it made Andrew crack a smile. “I want you so bad, you can’t even begin to imagine…”
“I can imagine,” Andrew growled. He might’ve spent the last six months alone, but that didn’t mean his mind was empty of all kinds of fantasies about him and Neil. He’d gotten himself off more than once at the memory of bending Neil over the countertop. Hands tracing his spine. Remembering the feeling of sliding in and out of him. The slick, wet heat of his body and the overwhelming sensation of pleasure that swallowed him whole.
“Andrew,” Neil moaned as a finger slipped inside of him. Andrew had his left leg pinned up against the wall. They needed lube, which they didn’t have, but Andrew wasn’t about to climb out of the shower in search of some.
He held out his hand. “Spit.”
Neil’s eyes flickered down to the open palm and raised a brow at him…Seriously? Andrew wasn’t kidding. He motioned with his chin and Neil shrugged and spit in his hand. Andrew spit on top of it, their saliva mixing together. He used that hand to ready himself. Neil turned to press his cheek against the wall, bending just enough to give Andrew all the access he’d need. Andrew kicked his feet further apart. Neil gasped and whined another shove it in me already. Andrew moaned as he pressed slowly into Neil’s body. It took a moment for him to adjust to the tightness.
“You feel so good.” Neil’s fingernails dug into the tile. Andrew let his hands stroke down his sides until they stopped at his hips. He jerked forward an inch and Neil hissed with pleasure. “Don’t stop, keep going.”
Andrew shattered into a million sharp edged pieces. Every facet of his entire life like a painful collection of shards, but he didn’t pull away from Neil. He kept going. Memories bit into his skin, a rough canvas too tough to tear. The images fluttered behind his eyelids and he let them flick by as he ran his hands over Neil’s skin. He let them all go. They had no place tormenting him any longer. The emotional release by a thousand times more pleasurable than the physical one. He pulled out and came, white droplets spattering across Neil’s back. The cooling water quickly washed it away. At that moment, Neil slid his palms down the wall until he collapsed on the shower floor. His breathing was ragged and his hand dripped with his own release.
Those gemstone eyes met Andrew’s darkened ones. They stared at each other, letting the rise and fall of their chests say everything they needed to instead of words.
After their shower, Andrew was changed into fresh clothing from his duffel bag. Neil changed into some of Andrew’s clothes so he wouldn’t have to put on his uncomfortable fancy ones. Andrew tugged on the collar of the blue sweatshirt from the beach and Neil smiled at him, leaning in to steal yet another kiss.
They returned to Coach and Abby’s apartment where most of the Foxes still remained around the Christmas tree. Everyone except for Kevin and Aaron were still there. They greeted them with muted hello’s as they came to sit down on the blankets. Abby and Coach were down the hall in the bedroom talking and Andrew could hear their raised voices as they argued with each other. The Foxes all seemed to ignore it. Jean took Jeremy by the hand and said something about going to go smoke.
“You look much better,” Nicky snorted, nudging Andrew’s foot with his own.
Andrew sent him a look sharp enough to kill.
“Oh, don’t pretend like we all don’t know what you were doing in there,” Matt rolled his eyes with a snort. “We could hear you.”
“What?” Neil’s cheeks bloomed with a fiery red.
Allison cackled and kicked her feet at Andrew’s expression and mocked in a high pitched voice, “Ohhhh, Andrew! Ohhh my god. Don’t stop!”
Andrew leaned back and crossed his arms, looking everywhere in the room but at the Foxes.
“Why do you think Aaron and Kevin left the room?” Nicky cackled.
“So you all just sat in here eavesdropping?”
“You’re lucky Abby wasn’t in here to hear all that,” Dan snickered.
Andrew was very glad. It was embarrassing enough that everyone could hear them, but now that he thought about it…the guest bathroom and bedroom shared a wall with Abby and Coach’s apartment. If they’d been in the master he doubted that they would’ve been able to hear them. Andrew made a mental note to never fool around with Neil in that bathroom ever again.
The Foxes enjoyed a little more Christmas cheer as Abby finally returned, sans Coach to make a third round of hot chocolates and start on lunch. Andrew stood up to help her with the food. Renee joined him and they chatted quietly while they worked. Jean and Jeremy returned from wherever they’d run off to. Nicky got up to go find Kevin and Aaron to tell them the food was almost ready.
Abby placed a kiss on Andrew’s forehead and he didn’t pull away from the touch like he had all the other times she’d done so. The contact made her smile quietly to herself and Andrew was pleased that he could at least give her this small gift.
“Why isn’t Nicky back yet?” Dan asked, but she didn’t have to wait for an answer as the door banged open and Nicky closed it behind himself, face flustered and cheeks beat red.
“The fuck happened to you?” Matt asked.
“Don’t bother them.”
Dan crowed and smacked Matt on the knee. “I fucking win! Hand over the money, Boyd!”
Allison groaned and ran her hands down her face. “You’ve got to be kidding me.”
“What’s going on?” Abby asked in confusion.
“Nothing!” A few of the Foxes chirped in unison.
She rolled her eyes and started handing plates off to Renee to hand out to everyone. “I’ll go bring them something to eat,” she said.
“No!” Nicky splayed his hands over the front door that he still leaned against.
Abby frowned. “Move, Nicky. You’re being silly. They’re probably starving.”
Nicky shot a panicked look between Matt and Dan and then over to Andrew. Andrew rolled his eyes and grimaced as he dumped another serving of lasagna onto a plate. “Being ridiculous,” he huffed.
“Open the door for me,” Abby said, two plates in hand.
“They really don’t want to eat right now,” Nicky insisted.
“Why wouldn’t they want to—”
“Oh my god, Nicky for the love of all that is holy, get out of her way!” Andrew barked. “Let her find out for herself.”
“Find out what?” Abby asked, innocently.
Nicky hesitantly moved aside and opened the door. Abby walked out into the hall, balancing the two plates on a single arm. Nicky left the door open as she walked down two doors to Kevin’s apartment. She didn’t bother to knock either apparently as the sound of two plates crashing to the floor echoed down the hall. Nicky bit his lip hard to keep the laughter at bay but Allison and Dan couldn’t help themselves as they cackled. Abby came back through the door with raised brows and wide eyes like she’d just seen a ghost.
“Merry Christmas,” Nicky snickered.
“They’re not hungry,” Abby whispered as he went back to the kitchen. She swallowed thickly like she was trying not to throw up. “You would think I wouldn’t be surprised after all this time…”
“As if it wasn’t obvious,” Andrew scoffed and Abby clapped a hand over his shoulder.
“You knew?”
“Of course I knew, that’s my best friend and brother. They like to think they’re discreet.”
“What gave it away?”
“Oh, I don’t know,” Andrew smirked, a vicious glimmer in his eyes. “Maybe it’s the fact that your son has been pining over him ever since my brother laid eyes on him. Or maybe it was when I walked in on them like you did. Or it could’ve been—”
Abby was green by the time she lifted her hand to stop him. “I’ve heard enough.” She closed her eyes and steeled her hands on the counter. “My baby boy…”
“Abby, there’s no way its the gay thing. You had to have known,” Matt said.
Her eyes flew open. “It’s a mothers worst nightmare to walk in on her son getting..." She didn't need to say it. "—in any context. I knew he liked boys. I didn’t know he liked boys like that.”
“Like what?” Allison chortled. She was rocking back and forth on the floor beside Dan who had a hand on her shoulder to keep her upright. Allison hugged the pillow tighter when a door down the hall opened and shut.
“The ropes,” Abby shuddered and whatever resolve the rest of the Foxes had been using to hold it together disappeared up in smoke.
Everyone was laughing when Aaron appeared at the doorway, alone. The laughing got harder to the point where everyone was wiping away tears while Abby held her head in her hands in shame. Kevin appeared behind Aaron and the Foxes kept squealing with laughter. Allison banged her fist on the ground as she practically choked on her tears.
“Mom,” Aaron addressed Abby. “I have no words.”
“It’s okay, Aaron. We don’t need to talk about it,” Abby said, her voice half pleading, half shaking in embarrassment.
“Why didn’t you lock the fucking door?” Nicky wheezed.
“We were busy!” Aaron hissed.
~
The rest of the afternoon was spent unpacking. Neil helped Andrew carry boxes from Abby and Coach’s apartment next door. It took Matt, Kevin, Aaron and Neil to carry the queen sized mattress from Abby and Coach’s guest bedroom into Andrew’s apartment. They shucked the heavy thing onto the already assembled bed frame. Andrew went to work putting sheets on the bed while Neil and Matt went to go retrieve the night stands. Kevin and Aaron came back through the door with the dresser and Andrew pointed out which wall he wanted them to put it on. Dan, Allison, and Renee unpacked the kitchen boxes while Jeremy and Jean started on the living room.
In just a few hours, the remnants of their life in Baltimore came to life in a series of familiar colors and flashes. The yellow ash tray perched itself on a new windowsill. The lamp that Nicky had picked out was sat back on it's place on the bookshelf. Andrew watched as Renee put a few extra photos into frames and placed them on the square shelves of a box lamp they placed in the corner. Andrew’s couch had gone to a thrift store and a new, larger sectional was set to be delivered sometime before the new year.
The apartment felt like a home after all.
Neil came up behind Andrew and looked around. “I can’t wait to come home to this already.” He kissed him on the cheek and Andrew’s lips lifted into a smile. He couldn’t wait for him to come home either. “This is our life,” Neil whispered in his ear.
Andrew could hear the laughter of the Foxes in the background as Allison dropped something and it clattered to the floor. His chest tightened and his stomach clenched. What was this feeling? He had never experienced it before, that was for sure. Andrew turned to look into Neil’s eyes. “This is our life,” he repeated.
Neil’s eyes crinkled as he smiled and leaned in to kiss him again. “Think you can hold onto all this for me?”
So precious, so perfect.
Andrew nodded.
“Good. Wait for me?” Neil asked, voice hopeful.
“I wouldn’t dream of doing anything else.” Andrew pressed a silver key into Neil’s palm.
This was home.