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Zhongli could have never imagined this. His worst nightmare had come true. Their home was on fire — torn apart by vengeful men who held a grudge against his lover. Aether rested in his arms, his head bleeding from an injury. He laid there motionless, wheezing out harsh breaths.
It had happened so fast — they could have never been able to prevent it. They had been having a pleasant chat over dinner when they heard angry shouts coming from outside. At first, they had thought it was just some people having an argument, but there had been too many screams for it to be true. It had been quickly followed by the scent of something burning.
Zhongli had been quick to catch on as he had rushed outside, spear ready in his hand. When he’d burst out the door, he found an angry mob of treasure hoarders — all holding different kinds of weapons in a threatening manner. Some of the men had bottles filled with pyro essence in their hands, and they had been throwing them at their house.
When they had spotted him, they had rushed towards him, screaming out threats and cursing at him. Zhongli had fought off the first of them before he had been quickly joined by Aether with his sword in hand, getting ready to defend their home.
There had been so many treasure hoarders — Zhongli could barely see the end of them. Each man he would defeat was replaced by two more enraged men.
In the utter chaos, Zhongli hadn’t been quick enough to protect Aether from a heavy blow to his head. Aether had cried out, stumbling back from the force of the impact. Zhongli immediately smelled the blood on him, his eyes zeroing on the red liquid trailing down Aether’s head.
From this moment on, Zhongli hadn’t cared if his spear pierced through flesh and bones. He had been merciless, handing out punishment to the fools who dared to harm what was his. When it had been all over, they were standing on a pile of corpses.
Zhongli didn’t cry, but he felt the need to do so at that moment. He hoped, prayed to everything there was on Teyvat that his sunshine would be safe and sound. That he would wake up in his arms like a dream, feeling and being alright. Aether had to be okay. Zhongli needed him in his life. He couldn’t survive without him.
Please Aether, be okay.
Four days. It had been four days since the accident and Aether hadn’t woken up yet. Zhongli was restlessly pacing around the room while waiting for him to open his eyes — he hadn’t had an ounce of sleep since then.
A light, strained hum made him look up to where Aether laid. Immediately, Zhongli was by his side, holding Aether’s hand as the boy slowly blinked, groaning slightly. Zhongli couldn’t help the smile that stretched his lips. Aether was okay and safe.
When Aether was fully conscious, he looked around curiously. “Where am I?”
“You’re in Bubu Pharmacy.” Zhongli replied with a voice strained by emotions.
“Bubu Pharmacy? Why?” Aether turned his head to gaze at him with a look of confusion. “Did something happen? You look shaken.”
Zhongli’s heart came to a stop. “You…you don’t remember?”
Aether frowned. “No…? What am I supposed to remember?”
It didn’t look like the blond was joking, and in any case Aether would find it distasteful to fool Zhongli about the incident. So what was happening right now? “We got attacked by Treasure Hoarders. Our home got burned down.”
Aether’s eyes widened. “Really? That’s…This is awful news!” There wasn’t a single spark of recognition in those irises. Aether didn’t remember a single thing from the incident, Zhongli was sure of it.
The man couldn’t decide if it was good or bad. After all, it had been a traumatic event. So perhaps it was a blessing in disguise, but somehow Zhongli doubted it.
“You’ll have to stay at Bubu Pharmacy for a little while longer, so that Doctor Baizhu checks up on your healing progress.”
Aether nodded, although he pouted at the news. “You’ll come visit me?”
“Of course. I’ll come everyday for you.” Zhongli bent down to kiss forehead. Aether’s cheeks turned a light shade of pink. Even now after years of marriage, he was still getting bashful about Zhongli’s affection. The man found it to be cute, one of Aether’s endearing little traits.
“I must inform our doctor that you’re awake. I’ll be back in a minute.” Zhongli gave one last kiss to Aether (this time on the boy’s lips) before he left the room in search of Baizhu. He hoped that this sudden memory loss wasn’t a bad omen for the future, and that Aether would eventually get better.
Aether didn’t get better. He would look at Zhongli confusedly sometimes, ask him things about himself or their relationship that had seemed so obvious to the man, but it seemed like it slipped out of the boy’s mind. The incident had messed up with his head badly. Zhongli was left to painfully watch as Aether appeared to get more and more distant, further slipping away from his side.
One major event was what made him decide to go consult the doctor at Bubu Pharmacy. In hindsight, he should have done this sooner. But he still went through the aftershock from seeing their home being destroyed and Aether injured in the process.
One day, Aether had looked at him in confusion, blinking owlishly at him. “Zhongli…are you married?”
Zhongli froze, his cup of tea hanging in the air. “You…don’t remember?”
“What is it? What should I remember?” Aether asked. His voice quivered slightly as he continued. Zhongli could tell he was on the verge of crying, his golden eyes watering. “Did you…did you leave me for another?”
Zhongli’s cup of tea shattered on the floor. “No, of course not, I could never do that!” The man was quick to rush to the boy’s side, holding him close. The blond sunk into his embrace, wrapping his arms around his back. “You’re my one and only, Aether.”
“Then why do you have a golden band on your ring finger?” Aether hiccuped lightly.
“Because we’re married.”
Aether had looked up at him in astonishment then. “We are?” He looked at his own ring finger, also adorned with a beautiful golden band. “Yeah, we are.” Aether sighed painfully. “Archons, I’m so sorry Zhongli, I shouldn’t have doubted you in the first place. It’s just…my head has been really messing with me lately, and I feel like I’m losing some important memories.”
That was the day Zhongli decided they urgently needed to pay a visit to Baizhu. The wait for the doctor to come had been insufferable. He had been out on an errand with Qiqi, coming back to the pharmacy a bit too late to Zhongli’s tastes.
The man had been quick to sum up their situation, going over everything and sparing no amount of details to the doctor.
“You say he doesn’t remember bits and pieces of his memories?” Dr. Baizhu rubbed his chin in thought, visibly intrigued.
Zhongli nodded with a grim face. “Yes, he forgot about the accident and some stepping stones in our relationship. He…He even forgot about our wedding day.” He concluded softly, almost as if he was still in disbelief. But this was very real — and oh so painful.
“I see.” Baizhu nodded to himself. “This is one of the many natural reactions that can be observed in people who went through traumatic events. It could also be caused by his head injury, like a chain reaction.”
“Is there anything we can do about it?” Zhongli instantly asked, hopeful. He paled as Baizhu shook his head negatively.
“We can only hope that he recalls his memories by himself. You cannot force him to remember, it might cause some nasty consequences and could be detrimental to his health. And we don’t want that, do we?” Dr. Baizhu warned, staring at him intently.
Zhongli nodded in understanding. Inward, he was furious. But the doctor was right, he couldn’t rush Aether.
He’ll just have to be patient, and play the long wait game.
“Be careful where you step. This place hasn’t been opened in a long time and there is quite a mess here,” Zhongli said.
“I’ll make sure to follow your steps,” Aether replied with a smile.
“Thank you for helping me clean up.”
“It’s the least I can do for a friend.”
Friend. The word grated on Zhongli’s ears, but he didn’t say anything. He smiled at Aether instead, hoping to convey some warmth to him. These days, Aether could barely remember Zhongli — or at least, what the man had meant to him. The days of their love were gone, leaving a deep hole in Zhongli’s heart that bled whenever Aether looked at him with this distant gaze that held only friendly warmth.
Zhongli guessed it was better than nothing. He feared there would be a day when Aether would not remember him at all.
They were in their…Zhongli’s house — or what was left of it, attempting to salvage as many things as they could from his destroyed home.
The attic was the only place left for them to go through.
Zhongli slowly opened the door, letting some light slip into the room. He immediately went to lit up the lanterns, Aether following after him.
Many trinkets and displays were gathered there. Those were all symbols of their love. Zhongli had saved this place last for what it represented to him — his relationship with Aether, and his heavy loss.
He froze in place when he saw the wedding dress a bit farther in the room. It was Aether’s. The boy had worn it years before, holding his arm on the wedding aisle.
The blond gasped at the sight, carefully going over towards it.
“That dress is really pretty…” Aether brushed his fingers against the cloth reverently, marveling at the ornaments carefully embroidered on it. Zhongli had always liked how Aether seemed to be amazed by everything. Teyvat was a place of wonder for him.
He had reacted the same way the first day he had seen the dress. Now reliving this moment — in a much sadder version, Zhongli hated his situation even more. Fate was cruel, playing with him like this.
“It’s something I ordered for a special someone.”
“That person must be really lucky. It looks like a bridal dress.” Aether looked up towards him. “Are you married, Zhongli?”
Yes, to you , he wanted to reply. But instead, he shook his head and lied through his teeth, the corner of his lips stretching into a light smile. “No. This was a commission for a friend.”
“It looks wonderful.” Aether said. “That friend must have shined on their wedding day.” The blond hummed in thought, no doubt trying to picture it.
“Would you like to try it on?” It was impulsive of him — maybe even silly to suggest it. But to Zhongli, at this very moment, it made sense to him. He wanted Aether to try it on. The pain of the display would be worth it. He was willing to endure it if it was to get a glimpse back at his memory of Aether, so radiant in his wedding dress, smiling at him so brightly.
“I couldn’t!” Aether exclaimed, eyes wide in shock. “It’s too precious to be worn by someone like me!”
“I do not see what the matter is.” Zhongli replied calmly. “You can try it on, I promise my friend wouldn’t mind. I’m sure it’ll suit you well — it fitted my friend like a glove when they first tried it on.”
“Are you sure it’ll fit me?”
“I’m sure of it.”
Aether pretended to think about it, but Zhongli could see all the little signs that betrayed his excitement. Zhongli smiled fondly. Some things never changed. He wished it could be the same for them, but it was already feeling too late…
Aether carefully took the dress off the mannequin. “I’ll go put it on then. Is there a place where I can change my clothes?”
Zhongli pointed to a screen tucked into the corner of the room. Aether’s cheeks went pink as he blinked at it before looking back at Zhongli. “Right here?”
“Yes.” Upon seeing Aether’s embarrassment, he said “I can get out of the room to let you dress if you wish for it.”
“No no, it’s fine! I can’t possibly ask that of you!” Aether immediately shook his head negatively, chuckling nervously. “Just…could you turn around please?”
Zhongli nodded and did as asked. He could hear Aether making his way behind the screen. There were the sounds of shuffling, some rustles and the noise of cloth falling on the floor. Zhongli swallowed, hyper aware of Aether’s presence and current state. His hands twitched at his side, his feet itching to lead him where Aether was currently at, so vulnerable and innocent.
So trusting of Zhongli when the man wanted to do so many things to him, things that Aether probably couldn’t imagine in the current situation he was in.
But he couldn’t. He must stay put. That’s what he’s been taught to do.
“You can turn around now.”
Zhongli followed Aether’s orders, and he ceased to breathe. Aether glowed like he did on their wedding day. He shined so bright it was almost blinding. The dress fitted him still perfectly, putting his curves on display and highlighting his thin waist. Zhongli couldn’t help the way his hands moved to wrap around it.
His heart broke when Aether pulled away with a light gasp, blinking at him confusedly. Zhongli immediately retracted his hand, feeling himself blush in embarrassment.
“My apologies if I startled you. There was a bit of dust there.”
Aether nodded, relaxing his body. Zhongli cursed himself for being so weak. “Thank you, Zhongli.” The blond twirled around, looking at himself under all angles he could muster. “Well? How do I look?”
“Mesmerizing.” Zhongli immediately replied.
Aether chuckled, his cheeks a rosy pink. “You’re a real charmer, aren’t you?” He looked down at himself. “It’s true that it fits me though, you were right.”
He looked up at Zhongli, and for a moment he froze, his mouth opening on a silent sound. Zhongli blinked at him in confusion. They stared at each other, frozen in time before Aether shook his head, breaking the moment.
“Sorry, for a moment I thought I remembered something.”
“Really?”
“Yeah, I thought I saw you wearing formal attire. The type well fitted for a wedding.”
Zhongli held his breath. Could this be it? Had he finally cleared up some of the fog in Aether’s head?
Immediately, the man went to hold Aether’s hands in his. “Aether, you remember…finally!”
Choking on his emotions, Zhongli dove down for a kiss, only to be denied. Aether looked at him red-faced, a scandalized expression on his face. “What are you doing?!” he nearly shrieked.
Zhongli immediately retreated, letting Aether’s hands slip out of his grasp. Somehow, it felt like he was letting go of the most important thing in his life for good. “My apologies, I got a bit…I thought you…” Zhongli babbled, unsure of what to say. Finally, he decided to stay quiet, only giving Aether an apologetic smile. “I’m sorry.”
Aether nodded. Zhongli didn’t miss the step back the boy did. A step away from the man. A step away from his heart. “It’s alright, just…don’t do it again, okay?”
Zhongli nodded as his heart bled.
“We’re friends after all.”
Just that. Friends.
Zhongli was feeling miserable. He could barely pull himself together, feeling like a shell of himself without Aether in his life. His existence didn’t hold much reason anymore. The mortal Zhongli could disappear for all he cared. Without Aether, he had no reason to live.
He’s heard news that the blond was involved with another man — rumored to be a fearless harbinger, the one-man army from her Highness the Tsaritsa. Zhongli hadn’t been that much surprised by it. He had seen the way the two had gotten closer as Aether had further slipped away from his grasp, his memories of him fading into nothingness.
The man found he couldn’t blame Childe for it. Aether had needed a friend in his time of confusion, and Childe had been there for him, an anchor in his troubled mind. The story went up from there, developing into a romance where Zhongli didn’t fit — no matter how hard he tried to make a place, even the tiniest one for himself. But there was no space left for him in Aether’s heart. He didn’t belong there anymore.
Still, Zhongli clung onto the last spark of hope that Aether would remember. That he would run back into his arms, with a happy cry of his name. Zhongli would laugh and embrace him tightly. The blond’s head would rest in the crook of his neck, and Zhongli would deeply inhale into his golden locks, the sweet floral scent so familiar.
But as he approached Aether, that day, and the blond turned towards him with an innocent and curious smile, his heart went cold.
“May I help you?”
Zhongli hadn’t noticed he was standing there, motionless, just staring at Aether for what felt like hours. The blond shifted under his gaze, seemingly getting a bit squirmy under his stare.
Zhongli coughed into his fist. “My apologies. You just reminded me of someone I used to know.”
“Ah!” The blond chuckled lightly, relaxing slightly. “It’s okay, I understand the feeling. I get that often lately.”
He leaned a bit into Zhongli’s space. The man held his breath.
“You see, I had an accident not so long ago and my memory has been faulty since then. I don’t really remember much from the past years. Just bits and pieces here and there, but it’s all very blurry.”
Zhongli nodded, offering him what he hoped was a comforting smile, even though all he wanted to do right now was scream. Howl out his pain, fly into the sky and throw a tantrum. But he couldn’t do that. It would be uncouth of him.
“I see. My apologies, it sounds like something terrible happened to you. I hope you’re alright now.”
“Yeah, I have someone to help with the worst of it, and more.” Aether blushed at his own words. Zhongli stilled himself, his smile never waning.
“That’s good then. I’m…truly happy for you.” And he meant it, even if it was through gritted teeth. He would always be happy for Aether, no matter the circumstances. His sunshine deserved that. If Aether could still hold the title of “Zhongli’s sun”.
Aether chuckled softly. They looked at each other, both smiling. Then the blond blinked, an emotion flashing through his eyes.
There was a spark.
“I’m sorry but…have we met before…?”
Zhongli inhaled sharply. The spark ignited into a fire. His body shook, trembling from the force of it. Just as he opened his mouth to answer, a loud voice interrupted him.
“Aether!”
The blond whipped his head around, his smile getting wider. “Childe!”
Zhongli watched in pain as Aether ran into Childe’s arms, giggling as he was lifted up from the floor easily. Childe embraced the blond tightly, flinging them around as he danced on his feet with Aether still in his arms. It wasn’t right. It didn’t feel right.
It should have been Zhongli there.
But the absence of recognition from Aether, and the way the two suited each other so well, especially in that moment of sheer euphoria of meeting each other again…Zhongli didn’t have the heart to stop them.
He could only watch and feel miserable for his own loss, as Childe relished in Aether’s love and basked into his attention.
Take care of him while I can’t.
I’ll watch over him from afar, if you’ll allow me to.