Work Text:
My ears had heard of you but now my eyes have seen you.
Job 42:5
Nate awakens with the feeling of sand still in between his toes.
He looks around his dark hospital room, shaking off the sounds of ocean waves and the feeling of tacky salt water air. David is still beside him, asleep now while the TV buzzes with static on the wall.
After a moment, the humming replaces the sounds from his dream that are still echoing in his ears and his eyes slip shut in exhaustion once more.
-
The next time Nate blinks bleary eyes open in consciousness, mind blank now from a dreamless sleep, one sibling is swapped for another at his bedside.
Claire turns a page in the fashion magazine in her lap and lets out a small sigh. Her mouth purses as she reaches up to scratch at her temple and her eyes glance up at him, a seemingly repetitive motion.
He has enough energy for a smile to return the surprised grin that fills her face. Magazine now forgotten in her lap, Claire leans forward and puts a hand on his arm. Her teary grin turns mischievous.
“You’ve been asleep for like fourteen hours.” She says, raising an eyebrow and Nate is filled with a warm fondness for his younger sister who unknowingly and unconsciously to them both, prepared him for fatherhood. “Thought you got enough of that in your coma.”
He laughs slowly, feeling the tired and sluggish muscles in his body protest. Nate shifts his arms on the bed slightly, focusing on moving his fingers carefully over the sheets at his sides.
“Funny.” He says, tone as dry as his mouth.
He must be smacking his lips together because Claire is suddenly out of her seat and across the room to the tray pushed in the corner. She pours some water from the pitcher there into one of the little pink cups hospitals always seem to have and is settled back next to him before Nate can even move his left hand to rest on his stomach.
Claire puts the cup in his hand, helping him get his grip on it before letting go. Nate brings it up to his mouth slowly, the left side of his body not affected by the AVM but still shaky and groggy.
His sister starts to talk after he’s taken a couple slow sips of water.
“David’s out in the hallway talking to Mom.” She says, moving the magazine to the other chair and resting a hand on the edge of his bed. “She went camping or something and got lost. That’s why we couldn’t get ahold of her.”
Nate laughs again, a low rumble coming up from his chest as he settles the cup on his stomach.
Claire squints her eyes at him in bewildered amusement.
“I know right?” She chuckles and he smiles, turning his eyes down to look at his cup. “Just when you think she can’t get any weirder.”
Nate looks back up at his sister, keeping his voice displeased even though he wouldn’t actually mind seeing his mom right now.
“Looks like we’ll be due some squawking, after all.”
“Yeah.” Claire says, agreeing before gesturing down to the cup in his still fingers. “You done?”
“Uh, yeah.” He stutters out, before taking another careful sip and handing the plastic cup back to his sister.
She takes it back over to the tray in the corner and his gaze drifts down to his blanket covered legs. His right leg shifts under the sheets when he concentrates hard enough and Nate twitches his toes on that foot. He looks back up into the room, almost having entered his own little world for a moment. Claire is looking back at him from the end of the bed with a sad expression.
Before she opens her mouth to say whatever surely heartfelt thing she intends, David comes walking back into his room.
“She’s on her way.” He says, flipping his cell phone closed. David then meets Nate’s eye, seeing he’s awake and he’s instantly crossing behind Claire to sit in the chair she was just in. “How’re you feeling?”
Claire then sits down in the second chair, magazine back in her lap again.
“Okay.” He says, shrugging as much as he dares. “Still tired. Sore.”
“That’s understandable.” David says, nodding. He looks back out to the open door and Nate sees his caretaker nature run wild again. “We’ll get a nurse in here to check everything out. It should be time for someone to be stopping in here again anyway.”
Nate nods, thinking about the annual nurse visits that kept him up half the night. He looks out across the room to the window but from the faint light he can’t really tell what time it is.
“Either of you spoke to Brenda?” He asks, looking back between his siblings.
Nate watches as both his brother and sister shift awkwardly and shake their heads. Claire fidgets with the hem of her t shirt silently while David is the who speaks.
“Not since last night.” He says, words stilled and then uses the pause in conversation to press the call button hooked over the right side of Nate’s bed.
Nate mentally takes a moment to laugh to himself that the hospital put that thing on the side where he can barely move his arm.
“Right.” He responds, coming out of his head and he's suddenly overcome with an overwhelming desire to hug his daughter, knowing her little chuckle could practically heal everything that’s physically wrong with him right now. “I want to see Maya, but I don’t know if spending that much time in here is good for her.”
“She probably won’t remember.” Claire says with a shrug. “If that helps.”
Nate nods somewhat thankfully at her first and then barely suppresses a smile at the pained look David shoots her out of the corner of his eye.
“We can call later.” David ends up saying, his voice soft again.
“Yeah.” He nods, thinking about how well that interaction will go. Nate was honest when he told her he was tired of fighting, he has been for a long time. He hopes that the upcoming weeks and months with both his recovery and the inevitable talk about custody of both kids goes as smoothly as it can.
Again something must show on his face and really it’s a wonder he never gave Claire the credit about how perceptive she is because she clears her throat, gaining both his and David’s attention.
“I’m sorry.” She starts, awkwardly. “What happened there exactly? Both of you have been really vague about the whole thing.”
Nate let out a small sigh but not one of defeat. He’s not upset or disappointed, not even quite resigned exactly. Just accepting and open and almost excited to experience this new chapter of his life where tranquility is not only the goal but also the outcome.
“We’re splitting up.” He says simply. “Me and Brenda.”
“God.” Claire says, face and tone twisted in surprise. “Seriously?”
“Yeah.” Nate says, voice soft and when he looks over at David, his brother doesn’t look surprised or shocked in the least. Okay, he thinks, credit to both of them. “There’s more to it but-”
He stops himself, and shrugs, not really knowing what to say to convey his feelings correctly and also not knowing where to even start. Nate feels a little overwhelmed but for the first time in his life, it doesn’t scare him.
“Shit.” She says abruptly and her face shines like the metaphorical light bulb going off that matches the very real florescent light in the room dancing off her hair. “Maggie.”
He doesn’t even try to conceal the smile that appears on his face at the name, knowing that his siblings are always on his side. Even if they disagree, which they often do or are judgmental, which they often are, they’re always there.
“Yeah.” He says, thinking back to the way her face flushed when he whispered her name in her ear on her couch. “Maggie.”
David shakes his head silently between them, expression exasperated but fond and Nate throws a lazy grin his way.
Claire’s face breaks out into a hesitant at first smile but one that gets more confident the longer she looks at him.
“Fuck.” She says, laughing with a shrug of her shoulders. “Got great timing, don’t you?”
He chuckles, voice elated with a hint of mania. “Yeah.”
-
One of his nurses come in not too long after that and Nate spends the next fifteen minutes answering questions, following fingers and getting his vitals double checked like he has every few hours since he woke up from the coma.
When they’re all done and the nurse leaves the room, she crosses Ruth in the doorway. Stray hairs flying out of her braid, his mom rushes in to his side.
“Nate.” She says, voice mumbled on the edge of panic. “How are you? How are you feeling?”
Her hands land on the railing of the hospital bed before fluttering in the air over his leg - already hovering and she hasn’t been here a minute. The thought makes Nate smile and reach out to grab her fingers. She squeezes to the point of almost numbness.
“I’m okay.” He says, smiling reassuringly at her as he tries to return the power of her grip. “Mom, I’m fine.”
“Are you sure?” She asks, voice clear but shaky and before he can answer she looks over at David. “Have you called Dr. Dipaolo?”
“I told you I did, Mom.” David starts, trying to keep the annoyance out of his voice. “He’s on his way back from out of town. His assistant told him the details.”
Ruth glances back down at him, head nodding absentmindedly as she covers their clasped hands with her right.
“Do you need another blanket, dear?” She asks him, rubbing the back of his hand as she looks down at his arms. “It gets so cold in these rooms.”
“I’m okay.” Nate repeats, smiling softly as he squeezes her hand. “Really.”
Ruth’s eyes settle on his face again, searching his eyes as her own well up with more tears. Nate has to clear his throat a little to warn off thoughts of a conversation they had three years ago on the couch at his childhood home.
The thickness in her voice, the wetness on her face is all the same as it was then when she said how wiII you feeI Ioved if you don’t ever Iet me try? But Nate doesn’t feel as scared as he did then, in fact, he doesn’t feel scared at all. So, he’s gonna let her try.
“Oh, my darling boy.” She says wistfully and she brings up his hand to her lips to kiss his knuckles. “Everything’s gonna be alright, you’ll see.”
“Everything will be alright.” She continues with such conviction that a part of him does feel like that guy on the couch again, like that seven year old boy who fell in the driveway and scraped his knee. “You’re gonna be up and walking around in no time.”
He smiles slightly, quirking an eye up at her. “I hope so.”
“I know so.” She responds, smiling teary-eyed down at him.
Nate nods, acknowledging her belief and Ruth’s smile widens as she squeezes his hand again.
“Now, Claire.” She starts, looking away and over to his sister with a blink of an eye. “Come help me find another blanket for your brother.”
His mom looks back at him, eyes soft before she releases his hand. Her fingers left up to gently touch the side of the bandage on his head as she leans down to kiss his eyebrow.
Nate closes his eyes at the touch, savoring the affection. He realizes he’s spent too many years not really showing his family how much they mean to him, always too scared and preoccupied with being this perfect image that doesn’t even exist.
When he opens his eyes, Claire’s already standing up from her chair.
“He said he was fine, Mom.” She says, a humorous glint in her eye as she comes over to stand behind their mother.
“Well, he was so cold natured as a child.” Ruth says, settling her hands on the bar at the side of his bed. “He might need one.”
“Okay.” Claire relents, shaking her head in bewilderment behind Ruth’s head. “Then let’s go find one.”
Nate makes eye contact with her behind their mom’s head and chuckles at her smirk.
“Come on, Mom.” Claire says, smile still on her face as she reaches out to touch Ruth’s arm, getting her attention as she ushers her toward the door.
His mom looks back up at him, smiling softly and touching his forearm briefly.
“We’ll be right back.” She says and he nods as Claire gets ahold of her arm and they make their way toward the door of the hospital room.
Nate flicks a look over to the side at his brother who’s been looking on silently at the whole exchange. The moment the door closes shut behind two of the most important women in his life, David lets out a sharp laugh.
Looking at the grin on his face, Nate can’t help but join in and the two of them sit there giggling like children for a solid five minutes.
-
Between various tests and scans that Nate’s doctors order (everything seems to be healing as well as it can) and the physical therapy they have him starting, which mostly consists of him shuffling around in his room at this point, he’s busy during his stay in the hospital. His family insisting on being with him around the clock doesn’t help.
On this particular day, about halfway through his planned two week stay, his mom has first shift. She’s at his side in his new singular bed room with her knitting bawled up in her lap.
Nate flicks his eyes away from The Price Is Right and tries to make out what the burnt orange lump in her lap is supposed to be.
“What’re you working on?” He asks, eyes squinting at both her hands wrapped around her knitting needles and in concentration as he flexes his right arm.
Ruth holds up her work, which looks like a pot holder to Nate and so he just shakes his head in confused amusement.
“It’s a hat, Nate.” She says simply like he should have recognized it. “For when you go home.”
He instinctively feels like touching his still bandaged head, the half hazard bald spot for the incision by his left ear buzzes as if it heard its name being called.
“Alright.” He says, with half a laugh as he remembers the conversation with one of the nurses yesterday that said it’s healing nicely, that the bandage will come off by the time he gets out of here. “Why orange?”
“Well, it’s a happy sort of color, isn’t it?” Ruth says, shrugging as she threads her needles back through orange yarn in a pattern Nate couldn’t identify on a good day.
“I guess it is.” He says, smiling softly as he studies the fabric. It’s the color of a when a sunset drifts down and echoes across the sand at the beach. It instantly feels peaceful to him. And reminds him of a dream. “I like it. Thank you.”
She smiles pleasantly to herself, flicking her gaze up at him and then quickly back down to start another row.
He thinks of the times when he was a little boy and he’d see her knit out on the porch, how her hands would hypnotize him and he’d have to shake the thoughts away and run back in the kitchen before his dad came up the stairs and saw him.
Nate shakes the thoughts away now, thinking that that was such a stupid thing to be afraid of.
“Speaking of home.” He says, and she looks back up. “I thought I’d move back in when I get out of here.”
The because me and my wife are splitting up due to our never ending cycle of problems and also the fact that I might be falling in love with someone else goes unspoken. Not that his mom really knows about that last part yet. How do you tell the woman who raised you that you’re kind of dating her soon to be ex husband’s daughter? He almost laughs just thinking about it.
“Of course.” His mom says with an agreeable turn of her eyebrow. “I already assumed, dear.”
“Ah.” Nate says, clicking his tongue in acknowledgment. “Okay.”
Ruth nods. “We’ll set you up on the couch until your leg gets stronger.”
“Yeah.” He laughs, thinking about how hard just the few steps getting in the back door will be when he walks like a penguin currently. “I don’t know how easy those stairs are gonna be.”
She drops her arms, knitting needles laying in orange yarn in her lap.
“You’ll get the hang of it, dear.” Ruth reaches out to pet his calf, smoothing her palm over his blanket covered leg. “I have no doubt.”
Nate smiles gratefully, lifting his right hand carefully to wave around. “I thought Maya might join me too.”
“Well.” Ruth grins, leaning back in her chair. Her fingers tangle back in her knitting. “You know I’d love that.”
“I know.” He says, inclining his head with that same soft smile from before.
Her attention goes back to her knitting and Nate’s eyes drift back up to the TV in the corner. A commercial for heart burn medication passes by before Ruth looks back up at him again.
“So.” She starts, somewhat hesitantly. “You and Brenda have talked about..”
His mother tappers off and he shrugs.
“A little.” He admits, which is true. There have been a couple phone calls discussing a schedule for Maya and what that would look like as he recovers and then beyond. Nothing has been finalized with their separation yet and Nate isn’t too sure if she’s just waiting on him to get better or if she really doesn’t want to be the one to officially end it. Either way, it’s something to think about another day. “She loves Maya and Maya loves her. I don’t want to spoil that.”
“So, they’ll see each other.” He continues with another shrug. “This way, Maya’s happy but I get to be happy too.”
Ruth shoots him a proud smile. “That’s very mature, dear.”
“Well.” He laughs, shifting and stretching his legs a bit like the doctors’ advise. “You know what I mean.”
“In retrospect,” Nate continues, seeing his mother’s face sour for a second. “It’s just not worth arguing over. Wasting energy I could be putting toward something that actually makes me feel good seems pointless.”
“And that’s all I’ve ever wanted for you children.” She says with a teary smile. “To be happy and healthy.”
He grins, quirking an eyebrow over at her. “I’m working on it.”
She huffs out a small laugh before leaning back in her chair and focusing on her knitting again.
Nate watches another episode of late morning television in relative silence before there’s a knock at his door.
They both look over to see David coming in, carrying two paper bags.
“I come to release you.” He says dramatically to their mother before turning to Nate. “And I come bearing food that’s actually edible.”
David holds up the bags in hand to show the logo on the side. In and Out.
Nate grins lazily at him while their mother sighs.
“That can’t be good for him right now.” She says with a frown.
His brother shakes his head. “One cheeseburger won’t hurt, Mom.”
David settles the bags on the tray at the end of his bed and pulls out two half wrapped sandwiches.
“No tomato, right?” He asks, mouth watering as the smell of meat and cheese fill the room. He’s been living on bland chicken for too long.
“No tomato.” David confirms with a smile as he adjusts the tray closer to Nate, moving it to where it hovers over the bed near his knees.
Ruth sighs in the chair next to him as David pulls out a fry too. He reaches out to snatch one up as their mother stands up from her seat, gathering her knitting into the bag she brought with her.
“Well.” She says, shaking her head as he hums in delight as he chews and then swallows the greasy and salty french fry. “I’ll leave you to your lunch.”
She takes a step closer and leans down to place a kiss high on his cheek. He gets a whiff of her all too familiar powdery perfume when she pulls away.
“I’ll be back tonight to pick up Maya.” She says, rubbing a hand over where she kissed him as if he’s got lipstick on his skin.
Nate nods, knowing that his mom has errands to run that she’s been putting off for way too long because she’s refused to leave his side.
“Thanks, Mom.” He says, looking intently up at her and he hopes she realizes what he means.
It’s not just a thank you for keeping Maya overnight tonight or for knitting him a hat so his head’s not cold while his hair grows back. It’s a thank you for everything she’s done for him over his lifetime but especially for the last five years. They’ve certainly been a gift to him as well.
Her smile turns teary before she goes to leave so Nate’s pretty confident she got the message.
Him and David settle in with their food after she’s out the door. One bite into his sandwich, which he’s gotten pretty good at eating one handed, and he’s groaning like a porn star.
“God.” He sighs, chuckling. “Yeah, that’s good.”
David laughs, shaking his head in mock embarrassment that just makes Nate continue with the noises throughout their meal.
After a while, his brother starts to update him on how the business is going, how Rico has stepped up a lot and even though he’s made half hearted complaints about it, he’s not arguing like he usually does.
He talks about Keith and the boys obviously, how they’re doing in school and that they’re coping so much better at home.
“And Anthony won’t stop talking about going to the beach this weekend even though we told him it’s gonna be too cold.”
The both of them are wrapping up their trash and gathering it all up back in the bags but David’s words make him pause, the sound of waves suddenly back in his ears.
“What?” David says, dropping his hand from the bag with concern deep in his voice.
“Nothing.” Nate says, shaking his head as he puts the last used napkin back in the bag. “Just reminded me of this dream I had my first night here.”
“We were going to the beach.” He says, looking up at David. “Dad was driving us.”
“You were stoned.” Nate let’s out a laugh as his brother huffs. “You had long hair and this horrible goatee.”
David pinches his mouth closed, unamused and Nate shakes his head, holding his hands up slowly in surrender.
“I know.” He says, conceding to the idea that it was bizarre to see his brother that way. “It was weird. I went to get in the waves but I woke up before my feet touched the water.”
David’s face turns open and thoughtful as he studies his face. Nate looks away, his mind drifting back to that beach.
“I don’t know what it was.” He says softly, thoughts mesmerized by riptides. “It was like these dreams I had right around when Lisa died, you know. But this one wasn’t full of dread or anything.”
“It was peace.” Nate says, looking over at David watching him carefully. He can feel the awe open on his own face as he speaks. “It was the most peaceful I’ve ever been, I think.”
A small smile appears on his brother’s face. “Sounds like you had some sort of epiphany.”
“Yeah.” He says, a smile growing on his face as he thinks about that night with Maggie, the conversations that lead up to it and the feelings that lingered after he woke up from surgery. “Guess I did.”
“Maybe your brain’s trying to help you turn a bad thing into a good one.” David says with a gentle shrug. “To focus on the positive.”
Nate nods silently in agreement and David smiles again before cleaning up the rest of their trash. He sits it beside his chair and turns to get the remote to the TV that was sitting in the other chair in the room.
Nate watches on as David flips through the channels before settling on a documentary and is overcome with a sense of deja vu.
It doesn’t weird him out though, he embraces it, settling back into the sheets of his bed and lets the feeling resonate in his bones.
They spend the rest of the afternoon hanging out. They finish the documentary and then David helps him up to do his steps around the room as a nurse watches on. They play a couple rounds of Gin after, before David stops, accusing him of cheating and the cards get swiftly packed away.
Nate grins, exhausted from the physical therapy but doesn’t say to David that he’s so bad at the game that he could’ve beat him while he was still in his coma. He’s still laughing to himself about it when Claire walks in with Maya.
“Daddy!” Maya exclaims, breaking the hold she had on Claire’s hand and running up to the side of his bed. At just the sound of her voice, he feels at least half of the exhaustion fade away.
“Hey, baby girl.” He grins and as Claire comes up behind Maya, she helps her sit up top his bed beside him.
Maya instantly leans against his chest, teddy bear in her arm forgotten. Nate wraps an around her, pulling her closer.
“How are you?” He asks, tone light as he settles a hand on her head.
Maya just laughs up at him, burying deeper into his side and Nate chuckles back, jealous of her childlike perception of the world.
Claire puts his daughter’s bag on the edge of his bed and gestures to Maya. “Do you want me to move-?”
“No.” He cuts her off quickly and kisses Maya’s forehead. “She’s good.”
His sister just nods understandably with a smile and settles in the other chair by David.
Maya starts toying with the ear of her bear, seemingly oblivious to the room around her though her other little hand wraps in the front of his hospital gown. His heart twists in his chest and Nate mindfully moves his right hand over to lay on his stomach so she can play with his fingers as well.
“So?” He looks over at Claire and raises an eyebrow. “How was it?”
She’s unofficially been assigned to be the one to go pick up Maya while he’s here, having it seems the least amount of confrontational energy with Brenda. Nate doesn't really understand why, he assumes it's some kind of young woman thing. But then again they always did get along pretty well.
“Fine.” Claire says, shrugging stiffly. “Awkward but Maya didn’t seem to notice, so.”
He nods, running a hand absentmindedly over one of his daughter’s pigtails. “Good.”
David, who’d been following the interaction quietly suddenly looks down at his watch.
“I better run.” He says, standing up. “I wanna get home for dinner with the boys.”
“Yeah.” Nate says, nodding as he watches his brother walk around to the other side of his bed near the door. “Of course.”
David taps the railing by his feet. “I’ll call later.”
He laughs, rubbing a hand down Maya’s arm as she twists to study the blue checkered pattern of his blanket. “You don’t have to.”
“Fine.” David says, throwing him a look. “I’ll text you.”
“Alright.” Nate says, still laughing.
His brother grins and with a wave to both Claire and Maya, is out the door.
Nate shakes his head, turning his attention over to Claire again.
“Really.” He asks, as Maya twists again by his side, this time over to her bag to pull out a book. “It wasn’t too bad?”
His sister shoots him a rueful smile. “Well, she didn’t call you an asshole this time.”
He lets out a half sigh, half chuckle as Maya stills back against his side with Goodnight Moon in her hands.
“Progress then.” He says dryly and Claire laughs. He shakes his head in mock exasperation, turning back to his daughter.
Maya opens the book, staring at the colorful pictures and Nate squeezes her closer.
“Want to read with me, Maya?” He asks, softly.
She nods, pigtails flapping in the air.
“Alright.” He says, touching the edge of the first page with his forefinger. “Can you hold it open for me?”
She nods, her little fingers gripping the ends of the book carefully.
“Alright.” He says again, clearing his throat. “Lets do this.”
“In the great green room.” He reads, keeping his voice low. “There was a telephone and a red balloon.”
They read through most of the book, Claire only asking him once if he feels good enough to do it. Even it wasn’t recommended by the staff to make sure everything’s working cognitively for him, nothing would stop him from reading to his daughter.
"And goodnight to the old lady whispering, ‘hush’.” He says, making his voice squeaky and speaking the last word directly into Maya’s ear.
She starts giggling and fidgeting like he’s tickling her and he laughs, big and bright. The sound of their chuckles making the room glow with warmth.
His phone ringing breaks through the noise and Nate sighs good naturedly, twirling a piece of Maya’s hair from her pigtail around his finger.
Claire gets up, going over to the closet in the corner and pulling out his cell. She smirks down at the caller ID and looks up at him with a glint in her eye.
“It’s Maggie.” She says, twitching her shoulder at him before handing him the phone.
He grins, taking it from her to look down and read it for himself.
Maya clutches her book to her chest, temporarily forgetting about cats and mice and mittens. She giggles again like before. “Maggie!”
“That’s right.” Nate says, laughing before answering the call.
He settles back into bed, Maya looking at him expectantly and he grins so hard his jaw aches. “Hey.”
“Hey, you.” Maggie says softly and he can hear what sounds like a cupboard shut on her end of the line. “How are you?”
“Right now? Great.” He says, thinking about how when everyone has asked him that, not just today but over the last week too, his answer has never been more true than it is at this moment. He looks down at Maya, his daughter studying her book intently. Her chubby little hands tracing the illustration of the mouse. “I got Maya here with me and I’m talking to you. Couldn’t be better.”
“Please.” She says disbelievingly, but the laughs she lets out after is shy and delighted. “Really. How are you feeling?”
He smiles, her laugh warming his chest almost as much as Maya’s does.
“Little stronger than yesterday.” Nate explains simply. “Not nearly as strong as I want to be.”
“Well, it’ll be a process.” She says, tone supportive and understanding like it’s been the entire time he’s known her. “Just gotta hang in there.”
“I am.” He says, remembering the way her eyes shined with tears when he first saw her after his surgery. “Don’t worry.”
“That’s funny coming from you.” Maggie says, voice even softer now but with an edge of playfulness there that makes him laugh.
“Well.” He says, grinning. “Still.”
Nate can practically see her smile through the phone as she responds. “I know.”
There’s a pause that follows that’s anything but awkward. It’s one that’s filled with the same understanding and light and joy that filters through every interaction they’ve ever had. Nate can’t get enough of it.
“When are you gonna come back down here?” He asks, voice soft and curious.
There’s another second of silence on the line.
“I don’t know.” She says, tone just as quiet and Nate can just picture her now with her legs bent up on her couch. “Aren’t you crowded enough? I don’t want to be in the way.”
“You could never.” He says, firmly but just as gentle.
She makes a little amused noise on the other end. “I don’t want to make things weird either.”
Nate hasn’t seen her in person since that day right after his surgery although they have talked on the phone multiple times. She knows the updates on him and Brenda but he knows she still doesn’t want to ruffle any feathers, her heart too kind.
“You wouldn’t.” He says, trying to reassure her. Yeah, his mom would be a little baffled at her presence to start with but he knows his siblings don’t give a shit. “You wouldn’t, Maggie. I swear.”
Maya tilts her head up again at his side. “Maggie!”
He laughs and he hears it echoed on the other line. “I guess you heard that?”
“I did.” She says, chuckling sweetly. “Kind of hard not to.”
Nate holds out the phone, fitting it against Maya’s ear. “Can you say ‘hi’ to Maggie?”
“Hi.” She says, shoulders scrunching up as her little face forms a grin.
“Hi, Maya!” He hears the static of Maggie’s voice say gleefully through the phone. “It’s so nice to hear your voice. Are you taking care of your daddy?”
Maya nods and he has to twist the phone closer so it stays connected to her ear.
“Reading moon!” She says, happily.
"Oh, Goodnight Moon?” Maggie asks her, tone genuine. “That’s a good one.”
As soon as the words had passed Maggie’s lips, Maya’s attention had been drawn back to the bright colors of the book. Nate fits the phone to his ear again.
“And she’s done.” He says with a laugh. “Distracted by the red balloon.”
Maggie’s laugh is melancholy and fond. “They do that at that age.”
“Yeah.” He says softly, contemplating whether she’s thinking of Jesse. Whether she thinks of him every time she’s seen Maya. That makes him dwell on his unborn child for a moment before he shakes the thoughts away for another day.
“Really.” He starts, even though he thinks he has a better idea of why she’s hesitant. “You could come down.”
“I know.” She says quietly and he knows he’s guessed correctly. He has nothing to say to argue that point now, he knows what it’s like being forced to visit places where the worst things that have ever happened to you reside. The feelings linger like ghosts.
He looks back down at the top of Maya’s head, trying to focus back on the good that’s filled his life.
“Call me again tomorrow.” Nate says, tone lighter and with a hint of flirtation.
It gets the shy laugh he was aiming for. “Okay.”
See, this is what he loves about her. They go from a heartfelt moment to laughing at themselves in under a second flat, with no echoing feelings of putting on a façade. It’s all natural. And as easy as breathing.
“Promise?” He asks playfully.
She huffs another amused laugh in his ear. “I promise.”
“Okay.” He says with a grin, feeling proud and content. “Bye.”
“Bye, Nate.” She says softly before hanging up and the dial tone rings in her wake.
He flips his phone shut, staring down as he rubs a hand over the front edge. He looks up to give it back to Claire and she’s staring back at him, shaking her head.
“You got it bad.” She says teasingly as she props a foot up on the side of his bed.
He lets a grin fall over his face as she takes the phone from him. Nate settles his arm back around Maya, rubbing her arm again with that same hand.
“I know.”
-
The rest of his hospital stay consists of a similar routine – card games with David, gossiping with Claire, cuddles with Maya. His mom talks up everyone who even glances at his chart and he continues the required physical therapy exercises for his right arm and leg.
So, before long he’s slowly walking through the back door of his mother’s house, hand gripped tight around the handle of a cane with an orange beanie on his head.
They get him settled on the couch off the kitchen in their porched in living room while Maya will sleep up in his childhood bed.
He doesn’t really have as much restrictions as you’d expect – take it easy, don’t rush through trying to walk or use his right arm, be careful around the incision above his ear.
Nate feels very lucky in that regard, in fact he knows he is. He knows that the biggest thing to aggravate him being his mom rushing to his side every time he gets up to go to the bathroom is a blessing from Maggie’s God.
Speaking of Maggie, they talk on the phone every night, much like they did when he was in the hospital. This time though it’s with the added flare of making him feel like he’s fifteen again, whispering and hiding under blankets on an all too familiar floral couch trying not to disturb anyone else at home.
David’s around, working obviously but he still takes time to chat and update him on the more positive sides of the business and to tell him that Keith and the boys send him their regards.
Claire is still living out in the coach house but she’s in and out at the main house more when she’s not working. His mom claims to be handling taking care of both him and Maya by herself just fine but he knows she appreciates when his sister appears and hangs out with him or when she takes Maya so their mother can drive him to his physical therapy appointments.
On this particular evening, after about two weeks home, he finds himself alone again when his routine call with Maggie comes up. Claire’s entertaining Maya out in the front yard enjoying the sun before it goes down and he’s just convinced Mom to take a moment for herself and go draw a bath.
When his phone lights up with her name, he’s all too quick to snatch it up and get comfortable.
“Hey.” He greets, voice echoing in the empty room. The TV is playing a basketball game in front of him, volume turned so low he can barely hear it.
“Hi.” Maggie says, the ever present grin apparent in her tone.
Nate smiles as he reaches up, fluffing the pillow behind his head. “How was your day?”
“Oh, okay.” She says lightly. “Only one doctor yelled at me.”
“God.” He huffs, shaking his head. “You’d think they’d actually be happy to see you.”
Ever since she moved here permanently, Maggie’s had a routine list of medical care facilities she visits in the state of California and Nate’s heard a wide variety of stores about all of them.
“Well, most of them are.” She says, laughing softly in his ear. “But when there are a lot of different reps coming in all the time now - I get it.”
Nate’s mouth threatens another smile, amazed at her generosity. “You’re too nice to people.”
“You may be right.” She says gently. “But you never what their day has been like.”
“Yeah.” He says, looking over to watch the rays of oranges and yellows that the setting sun has flashing across the walls of the room. “I guess.”
“How was yours?” She asks, after a beat.
“Oh, thrilling.” He says, grinning as his eyes drift down to the coffee table still covered with some of Maya’s toys. “Yeah, two episodes of As the World Turns and three readings of Horton Hears a Who.”
Maggie laughs on the other line and Nate’s own voice echoes the sound.
“Eh.” He says, shrugging even though she can’t see. “It’ll be something else tomorrow.”
“To be able to see the world through their eyes again.” She says, tone wistful and light but filled with a deep nostalgia. “To have that pure optimism about life back.”
His eyebrows furrow slightly at her words. “I would’ve said you were an optimist.”
“Well.” She says carefully. “I try to be. But I’ve been through too much to be naïve about it.”
“Yeah.” He responds, somewhat hesitant. He’s always felt so comfortable with her, always felt like he could immediately open up and he did. Nate wants her to be able to say she feels the same about him. “I know you’ve told me a little bit about it already but I want you to feel like you can talk about him more. If you want.”
“I do, Nate.” She says, softly but without delay. “I promise.”
“It’s just hard to describe.” Maggie continues, her voice going quiet like it did when she first talked about Jesse on the steps a couple rooms over. “I think about him every day. His smile, the way his nose scrunched up when he tried bananas for the first time. I still have his favorite stuffed animal. It was a dog.”
Her tone has grown thick with emotion but hasn’t raised above that whisper and Nate feels entranced by it.
“He’s not here but I still have him with me in a lot of ways.” She says, sniffling a little. “Sometimes it’s odd bringing it up is all.”
“I understand that.” Nate says, thinking about the year after Lisa died and how she always felt like a ghost in the room. Present but absent as if she was stuck in two places at once and he was the only one who could see her.
“Anyway.” She says, clearing her throat a little with an embarrassed noise. “What’re you thinking for tomorrow? Another Dr. Seuss or an A. A. Milne?
He laughs, letting her change the subject.
“Maya does love Piglet.” He says, smiling. “Why do you think her hair is in pigtails all the time?”
Her laugh is a bright sound and Nate swears the yellow streaks of sunlight on the ceiling sparkle.
“How about you come over and find out with me?” He asks before she says anything, still caught up in her ambience.
Her chuckle quiets down and there’s a moment of pause.
“You sure?” She asks, voice questioning.
“Yeah.” He says firmly. “She’d love to see you and I would too.”
Maggie’s tone is as soft as the pillow behind his head. “Okay.”
“Okay.” Nate replays back to her, grinning again in the shadowed room.
He ends the call after that, letting his phone rest on his stomach that’s now full of quiet butterflies that haven’t been there in a long, long time.
-
The next morning finds him at the breakfast table with his mom on one side and Maya, face smeared with oatmeal already, on the other.
“So.” Nate says, avoiding looking at Ruth and wiping at Maya’s face with a napkin as she giggles and squirms away from the touch. “Maggie’s coming over later.”
“Oh?” She asks, her voice full of not unpleasant surprise and he would see her face matches it if he wasn’t using his daughter as an excuse not to look. “Well, it’ll be nice to see her, of course.”
There’s a pause where he’s just wiping Maya’s already clean face so he puts the napkin down and turns his head to the left, catching his mother’s eye.
She searches his face before reaching out and picking up her coffee cup.
“She’s a lovely girl.” Ruth says before taking a sip. The mug rests in her hands above her plate as the words hang in the air between them.
“Yeah.” He says, agreeing somewhat awkwardly as he eats a blueberry. “I think so."
Understanding softens her features, her mouth parts slightly and her arms drop. The sound of the cup settling against the wood of the table vibrates the rest of their dishes gently.
“You were with her that night.” Ruth says, matter of factly and tone full of quiet acceptance. It hits him that he’s more like her than he ever realized.
He knows she’d gotten bits and pieces of what happened prior to him collapsing but other than the brief mention of Maggie having been at the hospital, no one ever explained why to her.
“Yeah.” Nate says, nodding. “I’d been to her friends meetings a couple of times.”
At his mother’s furrowed brow, he explains. “She’s a Quaker.”
“Oh.” She says, eyes slightly startled.
“Yeah.” He says, smiling at the ability his mom has to be baffled at the smallest thing. “She’d asked me for a ride. One thing lead to another.”
Ruth nods. “I see.”
“I don’t-.” Nate starts, shaking his head in frustration. “That makes it sound so cheap but we just- we connect and it’s nice and uncomplicated and comforting.”
He chuckles, slightly out of breath from his words, at the idea of a relationship that started out as an affair being uncomplicated but that’s how it feels. It’s so simple when he’s in the room with Maggie that it amazes him that it was ever even convoluted with anyone else.
His mom’s mouth slowly turns up in a smile, her eyes shining slightly.
“I’m glad.” She says, touching his wrist briefly.
Nate searches her face for any deception. “It’s not weird? Because of George?”
“Well.” She starts, caught off-guard as she drops the touch on his skin and taps her nails against the table. “That’s in the past. I’ve always liked Maggie though – she’s such a kind person.”
“And now that you’ve said it.” Ruth says, face turning amused as she quirks an eye up at him. “I can see how you two would be good together. So, no it doesn’t bother me at all.”
Nate nods gratefully, reaching out to hold her hand this time. “Thanks, Mom.”
“Any time.” She says, squeezing back before getting up to put all of their mostly empty dishes in the sink.
He watches her step away, once again thanking whatever deity that chose to stop him from wading into those loud enteral waves that dreamful night.
-
When the time Maggie said she’d be over that afternoon rolls around, he’s back in that same kitchen table chair reading the paper.
Nate’s searching for whatever idiotic thing Bush did that week and his mom is at the sink, washing the apples she got from her grocery run this morning when he hears a slight rap on the screen door followed by a creak in the hinge.
He looks up and sees her, Maggie’s long brown hair shines in the afternoon sun streaming through the blinds on the porch and the baby blue of her blouse sways as she comes through to the doorway of the kitchen.
“Hi.” She says, her tone somewhat shy as she tucks a strand of hair behind an ear but her eyes are steady on him.
“Hey.” Nate grins, a giddy feeling filling his chest and he hooks his shoulder over the back of his chair to hold his hand out toward her. He offers up his touch, palm open.
She walks forward the few steps between them without hesitation, her fingers curling into his as she smiles down at him. Her mouth curves to the side when she does, the dimple in her cheek deepening and he chastises himself for not having kissed it before.
Maggie looks over at his mother then, smile turning more polite. She doesn’t let go of his hand and his eyes never leave her face.
“Hi Ruth.” She says, and Nate’s eyes drop down to study the softness of her jaw and the length of her neck. As if she can feel his eyes on her, Maggie squeezes his hand, rubbing a finger over his knuckles and his eyes snap up to see a splotch of pink high on her cheekbone.
He hears the squeak of the facet as his mother turns off the sink but his gaze doesn’t leave the gentle curve of Maggie’s ear.
“How are you, dear?” Ruth asks, tone friendly.
“Good.” Maggie says, voice pleasant but when she looks back down at Nate and his eyes jump from the barely there arc of her eyebrow down to her warm brown eyes, he sees the light fluster in her gaze. “Good.”
He snaps out of whatever trance her presence has brought and blinks, glancing over at his mom but she’s turned back to the sink, attention now on washing the peaches.
Nate’s eyes snap back to Maggie when she squeezes his hand. Now it’s his turn to flush under her gaze.
“How are you feeling today?” She asks, smile soft and pleased and teasing.
He smirks through the heat in his neck. “Like I could go for a run.”
She laughs, half rolling her eyes as that pink blush comes back across her cheeks. Maggie sways forward slightly, brushing his arm and he curls his fingers tighter around hers.
He chuckles with her as he brings their joined hands up to his lips, kissing the soft skin above her knuckles.
Still reflecting her smile, Nate turns his head to the side and while his eyes are still on Maggie, calls out to his daughter who’s in front of the TV in the room beside them.
“Hey, Maya.” He says, and the joy is visible in his tone. “Look who it is.”
He hears her ruffle around with her toys and coloring book but goes to stand up when he doesn’t hear the patter of her feet.
“Do you need me to-“ Maggie says, gesturing to their still linked hands.
“No. Just-” He says, chuckling a little before letting go of her fingers to brace himself on the table and get to his feet. He reaches over to the cane that was leaning against the table top next to him and wraps his fingers around it. Nate straightens up with the cane firm under his left side and looks over at Maggie with a smile before holding out his right hand. “Just need to switch hands.”
She smiles, taking a step back as she takes his hand and they slowly make their way back into the kitchen doorway and around to the sunlight living room.
Maggie doesn’t comment on the awkward grip he has this time - the strength having come back a little in his right hand but still feeling half asleep most days – because hers is just as gentle and firm as before.
They come around the corner, past the side table and see Maya standing in front of the coffee table, her coloring books stretched out in front of her like they were twenty minutes ago when she settled there.
“Maya.” He says, getting her attention as he gestures toward Maggie. “Look.”
His daughter looks up, fine blonde hair bouncing and grins. “Maggie!”
Maggie squeezes his hand and waves toward Maya with a grin of her own. “Hi, sweetie.”
Nate leads her over to the couch and sits on the far cushion, Maya in front of them waving one hand around while the other has a tight clasp on a crayon.
“Welcome to my humble abode for the foreseeable future.” He says, gesturing around to the blankets stacked in the corner and the ruffled cushions on the couch.
Maggie just smiles, touching the top of Maya’s hair briefly before sitting down on his left. He leans the cane on the side table to his right and turns to meet her eye.
“It’s nice.” She says, smile turning into a small laugh. “Very vintage.”
He laughs with her and they both turn their attention to Maya as she holds up her book and bumps into Maggie’s legs.
She shows Maggie the pages she’s been working on, one which looks to be Cinderella covered in orange scribbles. He watches as Maggie puts a hand on her back softly.
“You did these?” She asks Maya, voice gentle and giving. “Oh, they’re beautiful.”
Maya smiles, all her small teeth on display and points up to the hat on Nate’s head.
Maggie grins as he shakes his head, nodding. “That’s right, honey. Orange like Daddy’s hat.”
Maggie chuckles behind her hand at the resigned tone of his voice and she turns back to Maya, looking down and pointing to the other picture on the page.
His daughter leans into the v of her legs and Maggie’s arm wraps more firmly around her as they whisper, and the sound of Maya giggling and the sight of her in Maggie’s arms takes him back to his 40th birthday party almost six months ago.
Images in the corner of his eye of Maggie holding her close, the purple of her dress complimenting the pink of his daughter’s jacket. The quick reassurance of I’ve got her that cut through his fit of panic and rage. He’s amazed at himself that he didn’t stop right then and look, really look at how they were together and have the gradual feelings he ended up developing later that night hit him like a tsunami.
Maya leans up, bringing her book back down to the table and going away at the page with the orange crayon again.
Maggie leans back against the cushion next to him and he watches her watch Maya for another soft moment before she turns her eyes on him.
Her head tilts and she reaches up, brushing a hand over his temple. Her fingertip sweeps under the beanie gently and briefly.
“I like this too.” She says softly, her touch drifting down his sideburn and over his cheek.
Nate smiles, feeling the pads of Maggie’s fingers ghost over the movement.
“You don’t want to see my hair under it.” He says lightly, his eyes moving down to follow her lips and catching on the way her cupid’s bow shines.
“I think I do.” She says, voice a little rougher than it was a second ago and her fingers move down to caress his chin.
He leans forward unconsciously, eyes flickering back and forth between hers and her mouth. Nate pauses a breath away and when she looks down at his lips, her own mouth parting, he kisses her.
It’s gentle, and brief but their lips fit together just like he remembers - puzzle pieces slotting into place and he has to lean forward for a second kiss the moment the first one ends. The familiar feeling of her lip gloss lingers when he pulls away the second time.
He’s watching her mouth when it curls up into a smile and he leans away, smiling back.
Maggie’s smile turns into a chuckle, her fingers dropping from his face and settling on the side of his knee.
Nate laughs along with her, the air between them flushed and awkward in the way something new always is.
They both look back down with pleased smiles at Maya, who’s now flipped to another page in her book - this time with a different color crayon in hand.
“So.” Maggie says after a moment, tapping her fingers on the seam of his jeans as she lets out another quiet chuckle. “What now?”
He shrugs, reaching down to cover her hand with his and she immediately twists hers up to intertwine their fingers together.
“She hasn’t picked out any books to read yet.” He says, head gesturing down to Maya with a smirk.
Maggie’s face glows with amusement but she doesn’t say anything and Nate nods his head a little, stalling.
“Feels like a first date.” He eventually says, squeezing her fingers when his voice comes out awkward.
“Yeah.” She nods, agreeing. “Sort of is, I guess.”
Nate angles his body more toward her, the knee she was just touching now crooked up on a cushion.
“So, tell me what you like.” He says, with what he hopes is a charming smile. Squeezing her fingers, he lifts them up to rest on his bended knee. “Favorite food? Favorite band?”
“Italian.” She says, smiling wide and turning more toward him as well as she flexes her fingers in his. “Fleetwood Mac.”
He grins, feeling proud and is this close to snapping his fingers. “Totally had you pegged as a Stevie Nicks fan.”
“Sure.” She hums with a glint in her eye before laughing. “What about you?”
“Mexican.” He says instantly, quirking an eye down at her. “And Nirvana.”
Maggie’s smile widens and he laughs, rubbing her fingers. “What?”
"All in all is all we are.” She quotes, shaking her head fondly. “Makes sense.”
He squints his eyes at her, smile forming at the corner of his lips even though he’s trying to keep it down. “I’ll take that as a compliment then, shall I?”
“You should.” She says, tone on the verge of flirtation again. “It was.”
God, he wants to kiss her again. And with the way she’s looking at him, soft eyes and lips pursed, she wants to too. A sudden thought makes him grin: the only times they’ve kissed have been on couches. Just another thing to make him feel like a love sick teenager.
Maya giggles then, talking to herself and the Barbie doll she has on the table next to her book. They both share another soft smile as they turn to watch her carry on an only half understandable conversation with her toy.
Ruth comes around the threshold onto the sunporch a few moments later.
“Nate.” She says, the phone in hand. “They’ve changed your appointment tomorrow. It’s at three now instead of five.”
His mom gestures down to Maya. “We’ll have to take her.”
“Okay.” He says before titling his head and looking back at Maggie, explaining the situation. “Claire’s been watching her for us during my therapy sessions but she works until five.”
“I don’t work tomorrow.” She says with a shrug as she looks back and forth between the two of them. “I can watch her. Or take you.”
“Yeah?” He asks, jumping at the bit to spend some more time with her already. “You wanna see me with an elastic work out band tied to my ankles for a hour?”
She chuckles. “If it’ll help.”
“Well, yes, that would be very nice.” His mom says, and they both look up to see her smile and nod. “If you’re sure.”
“Of course, Ruth.” Maggie says with a kind smile.
His mom nods again, moving back into the kitchen behind them and out of sight.
“Really?” Nate says, smirking again over at Maggie. “Watching Maya might be more fun.”
“I’m sure I won’t be too bored.” She says with a smug smile.
He laughs, looking down in mock surrender. “Alright.”
When Nate looks back up at her a second later, her eyes have grown softer. She squeezes his hand silently before turning back to watch Maya.
Staring at the side of her face again for the majority of the rest of that quiet afternoon, he thinks he truly gets what it means to be filled with God’s silence.
-
Roughly twenty-four hours later, he’s walking down the steps out the back door carefully, hand gripping the railing tight as he follows the sound of her car horn beep.
When Nate looks up after getting to the bottom of the steps, Maggie’s getting out of her grey Honda Civic parked in the driveway. She walks around and stops near the passenger side door.
He knows she’s not rushing him, simply just waiting in the afternoon sun but looking at her infectious smile has him hobbling with his cane faster than he should.
“Looking for a ride?” She asks when he gets closer, her tone flirty as she tilts her head.
“As a matter of fact, I am.” He says with a boyish grin as he squints an eye at her, returning her flirtation. “You know any?”
“I think so.” Maggie responds with a smile as she holds her hand out for him to take.
He grabs it when he gets close, pulling her in and her smile widens before she kisses him on the corner of his mouth.
She goes to pull back, to lead him to the car but he stops her by tugging on her hand. Maggie arches an eyebrow up at him, amused and he leans down to give her a real kiss.
“Hi.” He whispers against her lips.
Her mouth quirks up in a smile under his. “Hello.”
Nate pulls back then, just having wanted to kiss her again, wanting it to not have been weeks before he got to do it again. The pleased look on her face says she was thinking the same thing.
She leads him over the few steps to her car and opens the passenger side door for him. He gets in carefully, all under her watchful but considerate eye, and they’re off to his physical therapy session.
The twenty minute ride is filled with soft conversation, a catch up on what they’ve missed since the day before with each other. The car radio plays a soft rock station that has Nate chuckling his head softly and when Maggie laughs at him, poking him in the arm in rebuff, he catches her fingers and holds her hand for the rest of the ride.
When they get to the rehab facility, they get him signed in quickly and before long they’re ushered back to the therapy room. Massage tables and workout equipment fill the space periodically and Maggie follows behind him as he makes his way over to a corner where his therapist is waiting.
“Hey, Maria.” He says, greeting the older lady that’s been assisting him since he got out of the hospital.
Nate sits down on one of the tables beside her, knowing she’ll want to start with the knee exercises and she does - Maria immediately starts getting the bands and stool out from under the table.
“Nate.” She says, friendly but all business as she comes around to squat in front of him. “You ready?”
“Oh, yeah.” He says with a grin that’s directed at her then moved up to shoot at Maggie who’s stood behind her, off to the side. She smiles back encouragingly.
Maria follows his eye and raises an eyebrow as she pulls his foot on top of the stool.
“Is this the younger Mrs. Fisher then?” She asks in good faith but with a mischievous glint in her eye. Nate can’t get away from women who like to poke fun at his expense even if he tried.
The words Mrs. Fisher throw him for a second. Maria doesn’t mean anything by it, just that his mom has always been the one to accompany him here. His mind drifts briefly to Brenda and how every time someone called her that, she’d smile but respond with Call me Brenda.
Maggie looks up at him, giving him the opportunity for a response. She looks amused and supportive but there’s something wild echoing in the corner of her eye that has him pausing in the joke he wanted to make.
He settles on a comforting smile and a wave of the hand. “This is Maggie.”
The slight relaxation of her shoulders tells him he made the right choice. She raises a hand up in greeting to Maria. “Hi.”
Maria nods over her shoulder, not questioning or catching the inner dialogue running through his head. “Nice to meet you, Maggie.”
“You’re welcome to stand off to the side behind Nate here or wait in the waiting room.” She says from where she’s still perched at his feet, tone all business again. “It doesn’t matter to me.”
He looks up at her again, speaking softly just one word. “Stay.”
Her mouth quirks up fondly. “Okay.”
Maggie comes around to stand at his side, like instructed and lays a hand briefly on his shoulder blade. He smiles up at her in thanks, before turning back to get started on the stretches.
The next twenty-five ish minutes are spent going through the repetitive motions of bending his knee, his ankle, his thigh. Bracing and tensing and flexing the muscles over and over, some times with the bands and sometimes without.
After those reps are done, Maria walks him over to the parallel bars without his cane. He’s getting better at walking but Nate’s still relaying heavily on the cane so this is supposed to help him balance better on his own. They’re training wheels basically.
Maggie follows and when another therapist calls over for Maria’s assistance, she instructs Maggie to help watch over his gait.
She hovers over the other side of one of the bars as he gets to walking slowly back and forth, having his fingers wrapped tight around a bar before slowly trying steps where his hands are just hovering in the air above them.
They’re both quiet for a while, save for the sound of his breathing, until he makes a turn to walk back in the opposite direction. Now facing her, she speaks.
“That’s not the first time someone’s called me that.” She says softly, eyes flicking up from watching his feet work.
He looks up too, his own gaze having been watching his legs too. Confused and slightly amused, he raises an eyebrow in question as he takes another half step, only swaying slightly without support.
“At the hospital.” Maggie explains and realization of what must have happened dawns on his face. He nods and she goes on. “It was just me and David there to start with.”
He smiles crookedly. “They assumed.”
“Brenda didn’t appreciate it.” She says with a brief chuckle that’s tinted with a sense of sadness and regret.
Nate chuckles, his own tone a little sour but he’s not filled with a burning fury like he would’ve been three months ago.
“Well, what does she.” He says wryly, voice coming off a laugh.
Maggie shoots him a more serious look, her voice timid. “Nate.”
“Sorry.” He says quickly and genuinely, knowing how much she didn’t want anyone to get hurt. That’s part of life though, and Nate’s done panicking about preventing it from happening.
“She didn’t say anything, did she?” He asks, afraid there’s a more direct reason for the doe eyed look on her face.
“Nothing that I didn’t deserve.” She says, voice lighter but face still serious.
He stops, putting his hand on the bar next to her, wiggling his fingers at her. That makes her laugh a teary one and she sighs, placing her hand on top of his.
“What’s done is done.” He says softly, searching her face. “We can’t change it, all we can do is let it go. It’s in the past.”
She smiles, seemingly grateful for his attempt at comfort.
“It is but it isn’t.” Maggie says gently, rubbing his wrist. “You’re gonna have a baby together.”
He nods in acknowledgment. “Yeah.”
“Have you two-“ She starts, after a pause. “Talked about what that’s going to look like?”
“No.” He responds truthfully to her question, matching her tender tone. “But I’m not going to abandon my child.”
She shakes her head in disbelief. “Of course not.”
He takes a step forward again, and she adjusts her hand, moving it to squeeze his arm before settling it on the bar behind him.
“It's not like I don’t want to be in her life but I’m going to follow Brenda’s lead on it.” He explains gently, trying to wrap his own mixed feelings around it as he does. “I don’t want to add any more drama to the baby’s life, especially if she’s sick.”
Maggie’s smiling softly when he looks back over at her. “Another girl?”
“Yeah.” Nate says, feeling his face match hers. That’s one area where there are no confusing feelings at all. He loves raising a daughter - all the talk of guys his age obsessing over having a son seems so inane to him. “We talked about the name Willa once upon a time.”
“It was the only one we could agree on.” He says with a laugh and a shrug. “I don’t know what it’ll end up being now though.”
“It’s beautiful.” She says with a smile and a nod, her voice so quiet that it feels like they’re in a bubble.
He looks over at her face, searching for regret or melancholy or what he doesn’t know but all he finds is that same sweetness she used with Maya the first time she met her and every moment since.
Nate smiles back, wanting to hug her all of the sudden. The urge is so strong as he stares at her that he doesn’t notice their little world getting interrupted.
“Ready to work that arm?” Maria says from his left and his head snaps her way.
With a tired grin, he replies. “Yeah.”
His therapist leads them back over to that same table and they spend the rest of the appointment doing the upper body equivalent of what they did with his leg.
Maggie is a soothing presence at his side. She utters brief questions to Maria and offers support and encouragement when his muscles grow weak with strain.
After he’s done, she sits by him on the table. Sitting side by side as he catches his breath and rehydrates, she grins crookedly at him out of the corner of her eye.
“See?” She says coyly and the sweat dripping down the middle of his back burns. “I wasn’t bored at all.”
He smirks, taking a sip from the water bottle Maria handed him. “So much more entertaining than a tea party.”
“Yup.” She says, lips curling up in a laugh.
“Hey.” He says, tapping her thigh just because he can. “That reminds me. We’re having a big dinner this weekend at the house. Some kind of welcome home thing Mom wanted to throw.”
Her smile widens when he shakes his head in slight exasperation.
“I want you to come.” Nate says earnestly.
“You’re ready for that?” She says lightly with a raised eyebrow. “Dinner with the family.”
He shrugs, bumping her shoulder. “Already had a couple, haven’t we?”
“Yeah.” She says, laughing softly as she keeps her shoulder touching his.
“I don’t want to pressure you.” Nate says with a chuckle, dropping his voice lower. “But I’m ready for that.”
Life is too short. It’s a saying he’s heard his whole life. Over the past few years though is when he’s really been faced with the possibility head on and he thought he had learned how to really go about it until just this past month.
Now he’s not waiting for the third times a charm, he’s ready to live and live well. No drama, just enough angst and confrontation as he can get away with and a whole lot of memory building.
Maggie’s eyes gleam like she’s reading his mind. At this point, he wouldn’t be surprised. She’s always seemed to see him clearer in a way no one ever has.
“I think I am too.” She says, voice as soft as the epiphany in his head.
And Nate believes her.
-
Nate’s setting the table that Saturday night with Claire when they hear a knock on the front door. Nate counts out the plates and utensils and napkins, seeing they’ve got everything in order and leans off one of the dining room chairs.
He raises his eyebrows, pursing his lips in preparation and she laughs.
“Show time.” She says, grinning before going back into the kitchen where Maya sits at the breakfast table and their mother stands at the stove.
Shaking his head he turns, grabbing his cane and making his way to the front door as quick as he can.
When he gets there, he opens it up to see the one face he hoped it was. Maggie is standing there in a dark olive dress and the way her collarbone dip is visible has his mouth watering.
He suddenly feels underdressed in his navy sweater and hand knit hat.
“Hey.” He says, lips curving into a smile.
She smiles back, hers nervous as she steps closer. “Hi.”
They meet together over the threshold for a hug and he wraps his right arm snug around her waist, breathing in her floral perfume as her arms go around his neck. He can’t help but drop a kiss on her cheek when she pulls away.
Nate hoped it would calm her obvious anxiety but she still looks shaky when he glances at her face again.
“Come on in.” He says gently with a wave of his cane.
“Well.” She starts hesitantly, taking a step inside the foyer. “I kind of brought someone.”
His eyebrows furrow in confused amusement before looking behind her into the front walkway outside. And there comes George making his way up the front porch steps.
Feeling his mouth part in shock, he quickly closes his lips, looking over at Maggie for explanation.
“It accidently came out.” She says, leaning closer to him, her voice quiet. “He insisted.”
“It’s okay.” He says, touching her arm and her answering smile is small.
“Hi Nate.” He looks up as George steps on to the threshold. “I hope this isn’t an inconvenience.”
The older man’s voice is just as sure and rough as Nate remembers and he shakes his head as he realizes this man is now his girlfriend’s dad, not his mom’s husband.
“I’m sure it’s fine, George.” He says with a polite smile. “How are you?”
“I’m good, thank you.” He says stepping into the foyer and Nate closes the door behind them.
He turns around and sees George looking around with a wistful look in his eye before his gaze is back on Nate.
“So, you two, huh?” He says, gesturing back and forth between him and Maggie with an almost playful sound in his voice.
“Yeah.” He says, a bit awkwardly as he takes a step closer to Maggie by the table in the middle of the room.
“Daddy.” She says, an air of warning in her voice where the anxiety was before.
“I wish you nothing but happiness.” George says, raising his arms in surrender. “That’s why I wanted to be here. To support you.”
“Well, thank you.” He says sincerely, not just for Maggie’s benefit and she smiles next to him. “Shall we?”
He leads them back through the house past the dinning room before coming into the kitchen by way of the breakfast nook.
Claire looks up first from where she’s leaning against the counter by the sink and straightens up, slightly wide eyed.
Nate moves over to stand by Maya’s chair. His daughter plays with her Barbie dolls on the table, not yet noticing their guests.
“Hi, Claire.” Maggie says softly and his sister shoots her a confused smile.
“Hey, Maggie.” Claire says, tone friendly and genuine. Nate watches as her eyes flicker to George. “George.”
“Hello, Claire.” The sound of his voice snaps his mother’s attention at the stove. She turns away from setting the pot roast on the counter with shocked eyes. “Ruth.”
“George.” She says, disbelief in her tone.
Nate looks over at Maggie’s face the same time she does at him. They share a waiting look and their hands link together without hesitation. She takes a step closer to him and he tightens his grip, hoping it comforts her.
“I hope its okay that I’m here.” He says and for the first time since he opened the door, Nate hears real apprehension in the man’s voice. “For Nate and Maggie.”
“Well.” Ruth stutters and then looks up over at him and Maggie and then at Claire like she forgot they were in the room for a moment. “For Nate and Maggie, of course.”
She finishes, tone rushed and turns back to the roast. Nate takes that as a cue to move everyone in the other room.
“Why don’t we go on into the dining room?” He asks, nodding at Maggie and she instantly nods back. “Let Mom finish up?”
He steps around, hand squeezing Maggie’s and leans down to address Maya.
“Maya, look.” His daughter’s head turns up to gaze at him and he nods his head to the side. “It’s Grandpa George.”
Her little head sways to the side and a grin erupts on her face. “Grandpa George!”
George steps forward and doesn’t hesitate to pick her up when Maya holds her hands out to him, doll and all. “How’s our girl?”
She nods, giggling as George moves to tickle her. George shifts her to his other arm and Maya notices Maggie for the first time too. She waves a little hand in the air.
“Maggie.” She says, teeth on full display again.
Maggie reaches out, poking her in her belly to make her laugh again as she smiles up at his daughter. “Hi, Maya.”
Maya giggles in George’s arms again and he walks toward the dinning room without another word. Claire steps in front of them, back to their mother and gives Nate a shocked grin. She turns an apologetic expression toward Maggie before letting out an amused but silent huff as she follows George’s steps.
Maggie holds tight to his hand as they follow Claire next, Nate catching his mother’s grateful eye before they leave.
“David and Keith and their boys should be here soon.” He says, voice low to Maggie as they walk through the small hall connecting the two rooms. “Not soon enough apparently.”
She laughs, flustered, exhaling a sigh but she squeezes his hand with a smile. “It’s no rush.”
Nate looks down at her, amazed at her resilience. Knowing her history and how she endures through the big stuff and then smaller stuff like this that makes her unhappy or uncomfortable, even just slightly, all with a smile on her face. It’s beautiful.
He turns his pleased smile back up as they settle in the dining room with the others. Claire’s already getting out another place setting and spreading it out on the far side of the table.
George sits at the new setting with Maya in his lap and Nate ushers Maggie over to the other side, opposite him. He drags his setting that was at the head of the table around so he can sit directly next to her now and so that the settings will be even on both sides.
Claire goes back to bring in the pitcher of iced tea and a bottle of wine before sitting down on Maggie’s other side.
Him and Maggie sit down then, Nate moving the cane to rest at the end where he was originally gonna sit and the three of them talk quietly for a few minutes, although they spend most of that watching Maya and George.
Footsteps are heard behind them eventually as David comes walking into the dining room from the hall with Keith, Durrell and Anthony following.
“Sorry, we’re late.” He says, shouting into the kitchen toward their mother, who pokes her head out with a side dish in hand. “Someone couldn’t find his shoes.”
He looks over at Nate, smirking as he nods toward Durrell.
“Hey.” Durrell scuffs. “I gotta wear the white with these jeans.”
Everyone at the table chuckles and Durrell shakes his head, puffing up his chest. He's smiling though so Nate doesn’t think he really minds.
Keith taps him and Anthony on the back. “Go help your grandmother with the dishes.”
The boys go moving into the kitchen, Anthony taking the dish of mashed potatoes in and setting them on the table before going back.
David moves closer behind his back, tapping him on the shoulder in greeting and smiles down at him and Maggie.
“Hi, Maggie.” He says and she stands up to give him a hug.
“Hi, David.” She says, warmly.
Only when they pull back from each other does his brother notice her father sitting in the chair across.
He pauses only a moment. “George.”
George smiles, looking up briefly before getting distracted by something Maya does in his arms.
Nate really can’t hate the guy when he’s so good with his kid and when David shoots him a questioning look as he and Keith walk around to sit on the far side next to George, all he can do is shrug good-naturedly.
Ruth and the boys finish bringing in all the dishes and they all settle down and start eating, passing around the different options family style. It’s a little awkward at first but everyone is polite and keeping to safe subjects before Anthony speaks up.
“Who are you?” He asks Maggie shyly from where he’s seated in between David and Keith in front of them.
Maggie laughs softly next to him, wiping her mouth with her napkin.
“I’m Maggie.” She says kindly and Nate is reminded of what she once told him out on the steps in the foyer about how all children are special, they all can effect good in you. Watching her, he can believe it.
She nods toward George on the other side of Keith. “I’m Grandpa George’s daughter.”
That makes a very thoughtful look pass his nephew’s face and Nate has to hold in a laugh as he can almost physically see the wheels turning in his head.
He glances at Maggie and sees the same amused expression on her face and they share a knowing look.
Durrell speaks up from Claire’s left, leaning his head forward to address the two of them.
“I thought you were Uncle Nate’s new girlfriend.” He asks with furrowed brows.
An awkward silence follows, one where the fork hitting the plate causes an echo and Maggie throws Nate a bracing expression. Durrell huffs at the twin looks he gets from his dads.
“What?” He says, defensively. “I heard you two talking.”
Claire breaks the awkwardness, snorting with a small chuckle as she takes a sip of wine and Nate watches as David throws him and Maggie an apologetic smile.
That makes him focus back on the woman beside him and he sees she’s already staring back at him. Her lips curl up in amusement this time and he knows Durrell’s young and fearless personality broke through her uncertainty. Effect change indeed.
He grins down at her as she looks away back toward Durrell. Her hand lands on his thigh under the table.
“Yes.” She says, with what he would almost call pride in her tone. “I’m that too.”
Durrell just nods, accepting her words and going back to his meal. Everyone soon follows when they see both Nate and Maggie laughing quietly about it. Even his mom at the head of the table is looking down at him with a playful smile.
The rest of the dinner goes much smoother after that. Keith and George ask him how physical therapy is going and Claire updates everyone on the latest shenanigans at her office and how she’s actually just started working on something new with her camera.
The boys talk about school and Nate watches as his mom hangs on to every word Anthony has to say about his upcoming science test. David mentions the business a little bit, that Rico and Vanessa are helping out a lot and he thinks they’ll eventually want to branch out and get their own home.
Nate’s not sure if he wants to come back after he fully recovers yet or not but he knows David will be there to help him figure it out when he does.
In the middle of dessert, Maya hops off George’s lap and comes running around the side of the table to get to Maggie.
She laughs, immediately picking his daughter up and settling her in her lap.
Nate brushes a hand over Maya’s head and looks up at Maggie. He puts his good arm around the back of her chair.
“You want me to take her?” He asks, smiling down at them.
“No.” Maggie says, shaking her head fondly at him as she tucks a stray piece of hair behind Maya’s ear. She does this almost absentmindedly and it radiates with a maternal instinct that has Nate’s chest aching. “She’s good.”
When everyone’s done, Ruth stands and starts collecting plates and dishes and George surprises them all by standing up too.
“Let me help, Ruth.” He says, kindly and before she can protest, he has half of the small pie plates in hand and is by her side in an instant.
Maybe due to the couple glasses of wine she drank or not, Nate watches his mother smile thankfully and genuinely at the gesture.
She nods and walks back into the kitchen, George trailing after her like a puppy. Everyone else at the table smiles awkwardly and goes back to what they were discussing but Nate turns to Maggie with a thoughtful look.
“Wouldn’t that be something?” He asks, voice quiet and she looks at him curiously. “I almost die and they get back together.”
Maggie shakes her head with a fond sort of exasperation, as she holds Maya with one hand. She lets out an amused noise almost without her permission it seems and reaches out to him with the other. “Don’t say it like that.”
He catches her fingers and holds her hand in his right, resting them in his lap.
Nate tilts his head toward her with a smirk. “It’d be kind of funny, though.”
She lets out a laugh this time, bright and carefree.
“You’re awful.” Maggie says fondly and he’s thrown back to that hospital room that first day. He tightens his grip on her hand like she did his then. “As long as they’re both happy and honest with each other. That’s all that matters.”
She shrugs and looks down at Maya when she holds up her doll for Maggie to look at.
“That’s all anyone can do.” She says distractedly, words light but meaningful and he watches on as she entertains his daughter.
He thinks about another conversation they had many months ago, late at night when she asked him to do anything but lie to her. How that’s been a cornerstone in their relationship and has been what Nate thinks is the deciding factor in why it works. There’s no false pretense anywhere, just two people looking at each other and all that they are and saying we want to make this work.
“Yeah.” He says, touching her back lightly and when she looks over at him this time, her eyes understand everything that that word means. “Yeah.”
-
When Nate thinks about the future now, when he looks out at what his life is and what he wants it to be, he’s not scared. He sees quiet dinners at home with Maggie, he sees Maya starting school and coming home to talk his ear off about it. He sees his mom and his siblings by his side making him laugh through it all.
He's always had a problem imagining life after the next moment. People talk about it all the time and his ears have listened, but they’ve never really told his eyes what to see.
But he gets it now. Waking up in that hospital bed after that surgery woke him up in more ways than one. It showed him what a life worth living looks like and how true understanding can feel.
And it feels a lot like peace.